THE AMERICAN DREAM
Success is Supposed to be Hard Work
By Eric Wilson
S
uccessful people generally have enormous demands on their
time. In addition to their family obligations, they may run a
business, sit on corporate or philanthropic boards, volunteer
in their communities, attend church functions, take care of elderly
parents and tend to the myriad of challenges of managing their
personal wealth. What is more, due to the intense pressure on
parents to “succeed” both inside and outside the home, chances are
their children’s schedules are just as hectic. Nowadays the “perfect”
child is perceived to be strong, nice-looking, a stellar student, an
all-star athlete, involved in church and in the community—and
probably should play a little piano or violin for good measure. If
this sounds familiar, you are not alone.
an “A” average. However, in the struggle to find
the right balance, it is worth remembering that
failure in pursuit of success has a noble pedigree.
Many people look back on their failures as the
milestones that taught them some of life’s most
valuable lessons. To quote Thayer Willis from
her Spring 2015 “Navigator” newsletter, “Most parents don’t want to give their
kids too much too soon. It
just happens. When you
have access to wealth and
resources, it is the most natural thing in the world to
share them with your child.”
As parents with means, it
is more important than ever
to impart the fundamental
lessons of life to our children: accountability, reliability, economic self-sufficiency and, perhaps most
important of all, letting our children know that
it is alright to fail – that the pursuit of the goal
is itself worthwhile, even when the goal is not
achieved. In my two decades as an advisor, it is
the rare individual that I have met who achieved
greatness without failing—not just once, but
multiple times. Taught the virtue of perseverance early on, these individuals have navigated
their way through marriages that were on the
brink of divorce, family businesses that were on
the brink of bankruptcy or collapse, and jobs
that were overly stressful, but proved to be the stepping
stone to higher rungs on the economic ladder. What
sustains us in life’s most challenging situations are the
basic truths we have been taught. Teaching our children not to give up in the face of failure is a vital lesson
and one of the most precious gifts we can give them.
If you would consider yourself a success, and you and your
spouse have abundance, take a look in the mirror and ask these
questions. How did you do it? Perhaps you escaped the limitations
“Most parents don’t want to give their kids
too much too soon. It just happens…”
For families with means, it can be very tempting to surround
children with extra help, signing them up for private coaching and
prep classes, as well as enlisting a tutor at the first sign of a less than
of a small town to gain access to larger
opportunities. Perhaps through sacrificing fun things in your adolescent
years, you were able to get into a particular school whose classmates or alums
proved helpful to your career. How
were you able to keep focused on your
career goals when others around you
were falling by the economic wayside?
What core beliefs are now instilled in
you as a result of your struggles? And
are you now robbing from your children the lifetime of benefits that you
now enjoy from the convictions you
hold dear in order to make their lives a
little more comfortable in the present?
What is your vision for your children?
Once you can see how you would
like them to be shaped, it will change
your perception of the process you are
undertaking in the meantime. However, as every parent can attest, “in the meantime,” can be a difficult
place to be.
One of the responses we receive most often when conducting
family meetings for our clients is that it is simply “too late.” Their
children are grown and in high school or college, or have gone their
separate ways, and their habits “are what they are,” as one patriarch
put it. Be encouraged. Life has a way of teaching the hardest lessons
over and over to those who need to learn them the most. We have
helped families to “begin again” with
the financial training of their adult
children by way of instructing their
grandchildren, thus salvaging a generation. Also, numerous authors and
counselors have published wonderful
books and articles on navigating the
roads of wealth over the last ten years.
The resources are there if you will but
use and implement them.
A friend and client put it like this:
“we are struggling for the souls of our
children. Not in an evangelical way,
per se, but in a more basic way. If I
can’t trust my son’s ability to make
good decisions, how can I trust him
with my wealth?” It is a good question
and one we should all be asking ourselves. After all, if success means that
we gain the whole world from a financial standpoint, yet lose our
families, how successful are we?
In future columns, we will further explore this road of wealth
by looking at it from different perspectives. In the next issue, we
will discuss how your children actually have an advantage over you
as you acclimate to wealth (particularly if you are a first generation
success). Until then, enjoy the beginning of football season and use
it as a way to re-connect.
Eric S. Wilson is a Senior Vice President, Family Wealth Director, and
Founder of the Wilson Wealth Management Group at Morgan Stanley
and for the past 20 years he has served
the varied needs of individuals and
families whose wealth has the potential
to change the essential nature of their
descendants’ lives. Mr. Wilson can be
reached with questions by email at
[email protected], by phone at
877.442.5445, or via his website at
www.morganstanleyfa.com/wilsonwealthmanagementgroup.
Eric S. Wilson is a Wealth Advisor with the Wealth Management division of Morgan Stanley at
5444 Riverside Drive in Macon, Georgia. The views expressed herein are
those of the author and may not necessarily reflect the views of Morgan Stanley Wealth Management or its affiliates. All opinions are subject to change without notice.
Neither the information provided nor any opinion expressed constitutes a solicitation for the
purchase or sale of any security. Past performance is no guarantee of future results.
(C) 2015 Morgan Stanley Smith Barney LLC. Member SIPC. CRC 1274838 9/15