Hints and Tips
What it means to be a good communicator.
Hints and Tips
What it means to be a good communicator.
‘Communication - the human connection - is the key to personal and career success’
— Paul J. Meyer
Communication is vital to us as human beings. It is the way we connect. If we communicate well, we
can improve relationships in all parts of our lives. If you communicate badly, then misunderstandings
result. Poor communication means someone isn’t listening or someone isn’t saying what they mean.
Effective communication is not hard; you don’t have to be an expert to be a good communicator. It is
something we can all learn. We have put together ten pointers for effective communication below.
1. Good communication always starts with good listening. This does not mean just hearing the
words and waiting for someone to finish speaking so you can talk; it also means trying to find
meaning behind the words. The only way we can do this – the only way we can really listen – is to not
interrupt, not let our minds wander off, watch the other person’s body language and finally ask
questions to make sure you have understood exactly what is being said. Did you know that 55% of
our communication is in our body language – that means yours too!
2. Communication is also about trust. If we trust someone, we are more likely to tell them how it is. We
will also feel more at home sharing new ideas or how we feel inside. On the other hand, if we don’t
trust someone we are not very likely to share our thoughts with them, are we? The closer our
relationships, the more trust we have. But that doesn’t mean we can’t trust a colleague or
acquaintance. If we communicate and share our ideas freely at work or at home, we gain trust and
credibility. So trust means being able to say (communicate) what we want to say.
3. Don’t always try to win or be right. Communication is not a competition; it is a way that humans
relate to each other and convey ideas or feelings. Trying to win a conversation means you have set
up a barrier at the outset and so you will not listen to other people’s point of view. Trying to win means
the other person is wrong in your eyes. This is a sure fire way of putting them offside at the start and
losing their respect. Not everything is either black or white – there is a colour called grey and that
represents compromise.
4. Be polite and respectful. This is related to the previous point and is pretty simple really. If you would
like to be heard then be polite, in the same way that you would like someone else to behave towards
you. If you are always butting in or waiting for the other person to finish so you can have your say
then you are not being respectful. Other people have feelings and things to say too.
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5. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Be empathetic. If you can get yourself in someone else’s
mind then you are being empathetic – that means really understanding their point of view and how
they came to that point of view. This can be hard at times, but good communication needs this
building block. If you don’t put yourself inside others’ heads from time to time you are missing out on a
lot. They might even teach you something, or help you form new opinions and ideas.
6. If you do start to feel negative or angry then it is best to take time out. Or breathe deeply. If you start to
get jumpy, fearful or angry then you instantly lose your ability to communicate effectively.
7. Don’t’ say what you don’t mean. This is an absolutely disastrous thing to do when it comes to
communicating, because it is misleading. And don’t make false promises. If you do, you will lose trust
and communicating with that person will have taken a step backwards.
8. Be willing to apologise. Every single one of us messes things up from time to time. If you recognise
you have done something that might have hurt someone, accept that this has happened and say
sorry. If you don’t, communication with that person will be hard, if not impossible down the track. You
can’t undo the past, but you can look forward to a future that is cleared of past wrongs.
9. Don’t put everything onto the other person. In situations that are sometimes a bit difficult – such
as when there is a disagreement – it is easy to accuse the other person of being the wrongdoer. We
say things like ‘You are always telling me what to do’. This is the wrong way of communicating
because you are instantly attacking and the other person will back off. Try and explain how you feel
by talking about yourself, not them. For example, ‘I feel bad when you tell me I am not pulling my
weight. Can we work it out so we are both happy about the situation?’ In other words, start with
yourself, and don’t be quick to accuse.
10. Pre-plan what you will say. In some situations you might need to rehearse what you are going to
say – this is because you have a purpose. It might mean that you want to put forward an idea for
change or how you feel. Rehearsing will mean you have the chance to practice the words you will use
and how you will say it. Almost like acting. If you have it all worked out and are happy with how it
sounds, then you are free to listen to the other person and they will probably more easily understand
your point of view.
Communicating well will present you with opportunities throughout your whole life and in every situation.
You will be able to communicate your ideas effectively and to understand what is being told to you. Good
communication will lead to better relationships, more success with what you want in life and a great deal
less tension.
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