APRIL FOLLIES
Metropolitan Playhouse 22nd Season Benefit
A more or less accurate script of the events of April Fools Night, 2014
CLASSIFIED
FYOE
STARRING
Jessica Doherty
Dana Sumner-Pritchard
Richard Tan
Leone Hanman
STAFF
Michael Hardart
Beleaguered
Samantha Davis
Patrick Mahaney
Crucial
Teresa Kelsey
Gary Lizardo
Christian Rozakis
Alex Roe
Rachael Kosch
Michael Kosch
Yibin Li
Crista Marie Jackson
Mark Curtis Ferrando
Trio 22
Clown
Corps de Ballet
Composer
Violin Solo
STARKacro
APRIL FOLLIES
Metropolitan Playhouse 22nd Season Benefit
JESSICA, DANA, LEONE and RICHARD [STAFF] are in lobby, hanging out.
GUESTS arrive and are ignored.
When any of them ask where to go for the benefit, STAFF profess ignorance. Possible responses
are:
I didn’t know the benefit was tonight.
Alex isn’t here, but he texted me he was coming.
I’m sure everything’s all right, let me see if I can find out.
STAFF protracts this discomfort as long as possible.
As GUESTS become more concerned, STAFF placates. Possible reassurances:
Please just wait a moment. I’ll try to reach Alex. [Make call or text on cell phone.]
I’ll see if there is anyone who knows. [EXIT to find Michael.]
I’m sure there’s just a misunderstanding. I THINK it’s for tonight, but maybe it’s in
another part of the building.
At a certain critical point (may be very early on!) STAFF offers to see if there is anything in
concessions to drink. STAFF discovers seltzer water, and STAFF offers drinks to guests.
[IF any GUESTS become irate or begins to leave, take them aside/head them off and privately
assure them all is going to be fine, and just to go along. It is April Fool’s.]
MICHAEL enters and assists with placating guests. When he judges it is time, he announces:
MICHAEL: Everyone, I’m sorry for the confusion. Did everyone get something to drink who
wants something? I’ve just spoken with the company in the Connelly, and they have a
show tonight, so we’re going to have to leave the lobby. Could you all just join me
upstairs? I’d bring your coats, too. Thanks. (etc.)
STAFF helps get all GUESTS upstairs, into the theater, and helps them find places to sit, both on
stage chairs and in audience seats.
TERRI is in theater, painting back wall.
JESSICA approaches TERRI and begins talking to her. The gist of the conversation is that
Jessica needs Terri’s help. RICHARD, DANA, MICHAEL may need to help reassure people as
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APRIL FOLLIES
Metropolitan Playhouse 22nd Season Benefit
this conversation goes on, or may need to help control audience so that Jessica’s request can be
heard. What should emerge is something like the following conversation:
JESSICA: Do you think you could help? They’re here for a benefit, but we’re not sure when it
is, or if we’re in the right place
TERRI: Well, I could sing something.
JESSICA: That'd be great. They all came for a benefit.
SAM: I’ll put on a light.
SAM plugs in cable, and lighting instrument lying on floor illuminates to provide
spotlight for Terri.
TERRI: OK.
TERRI removes mask and coveralls, revealing cabaret/party dres, during the following:
Um....anything particular?
JESSICA: No, anything is fine. Do if fast.
TERRI: Well, any style? Any genre? Ha ha ha.
JESSICA: Oh. Yeah. Something American.
TERRI: Sure.
JESSICA: And old. Really old. They like old American stuff here.
TERRI: Oh. Well, I do know one old American song. It's about a Native American.
JESSICA: That sounds perfect....Start now, because some of them have been complaining.
TERRI sings “The Son of Alkmanook” JESSICA accompanies with found objects. Drum.
Chime.
ALEX arrives in motorcycle gear. Finds everyone. Exclaims about not realizing it was
tonight, cycle breaking down, not really being prepared, thinking everyone would think it
was a joke because it’s April Fools. Offers to adjust lights.
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APRIL FOLLIES
Metropolitan Playhouse 22nd Season Benefit
LIGHTING SCHTICK, in which Alex attempts to light various lamps lying around the theater,
and the switch for each controls a different one. Last light is a bare bulb in his hand,
which he blows on, causing the power to “fly” from the bulb to the one light on the stage
that would not light.
ALEX: I got it!
BLACKOUT.
Alex curses and leaves. Lights change for Dance
RACHAEL’S DANCE.
At end of dance, blackout.
ALEX [offstage]: I think I got it.
Lights up (RACHAEL bow and exit if she wishes.)
ALEX enters.
ALEX: Sorry about that with the lights. A little issue. I think it’s fixed. Let me clear some of
this out of the way; I have an act for you.
ALEX and STAFF remove some tarps, discover champagne. With STAFF help, drinks
are offered.
ALEX: So, I have a remarkable special guest. I’m just going to prepare. Does anyone else …
um….anyone sing?
GARY (from audience): I do.
ALEX: Go ahead.
GARY sings “Pulling Hard against the Stream,” with TERRI’s accompaniment.
ALEX returns with Cafard, the wonder dog.
DOG ACT, in which stuffed dog on table fails to perform any tricks. When Alex approaches,
dog growls. Alex approaches nervously from behind dog, as if to grab it, and as he does,
the dog vanishes. A barking is heard from edge of stage, Alex listens, discovers violin
case, and opens it to discover….the dog, in a sparkly outfit.
ALEX tosses the dog to Terri, and takes the case offstage. As soon as he returns, a violin
note is heard. Out of the offstage vestibule comes YIBIN LI.
BIN’S SERENADE.
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APRIL FOLLIES
Metropolitan Playhouse 22nd Season Benefit
At end of serenade, phone rings. STAFF answers phone, which apparently concerns a
pizza delivery. Door to theater is opened, and CHRISTIAN enters with pizza box.
CHRISTIAN: Pizza! Delivery?
TERRI: Pizza! I didn’t order any pizza.
CHRISTIAN: Somebody’s gotta take this pizza.
TERRI: I don’t want pizza. What else do you have?
CHRISTIAN: What else?
GARY: Do you sing?
CHRISTIAN: Sing? Like songs? Of course I sing.
TERRI: I sang “The Son of Alknamook.”
CHRISTIAN: 1792?
TERRI: Yes.
CHRISTIAN: The Contrast?
TERRI: So?
GARY: I sang “Pulling Hard against the Stream.”
CHRISTIAN: By Harry Clifton?
GARY: Yes.
CHRISTIAN: Was that American?
GARY: We used it in Self.
CHRISTIAN: Kinda old.
TERRI and GARY: Well?
CHRISTIAN: You should just sing something more modern.
CHRISTIAN removes outdoor coat and cap, and reveals party wear. He sings “Elsie from
Chelsea”, with GARY and TERRI accompanying.
After song:
STAFF: What’s in the box.
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APRIL FOLLIES
Metropolitan Playhouse 22nd Season Benefit
CHRISTIAN: I don’t know.
STAFF open box and find hors d’oeuvres from B-4. Pass them around.
MARK and CRISTA, apparently party guests, attempt to see over the shoulders of the
STAFF who are passing the hors d’oeuvres. MARK lifts CRISTA up several times, until
finally she stands on his shoulders, and they begin a acro-balancing performance.
STARKacro Performance.
At end of performance, lights go to black. Time passes.
MICHAEL, RICHARD, DANA, JESSICA all turn on flashlights, phones, to provide
curtain call for STARKacro.
ALEX apologized for power failure, and fluorescent lights are turned on for an
emergency light look.
MICHAEL: Everyone, I think maybe we should go downstairs.
GUESTS, STAFF, and PERFORMERS all go downstairs to discover a candlelit dinner spread in
the lobby.
END of ENTERTAINMENT.
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