SERIES:
About Love and Family
WEEK:
3
THREE ARTICLES ON BEING SINGLE AS A CHRIST-FOLLOWER
1) John Stott on being single (p1)
2) Why singles belong in ministry (p3)
3) Lies about singleness (p5)
JOHN STOTT ON SINGLENESS
Theologian, pastor and author John Stott explains why he stayed single for 90 years.
August 17, 2011
John Stott is being remembered as an evangelical statesman, a pastor/scholar, and an inveterate
birdwatcher. He was also a lifelong bachelor. While researching my book on a theology of
singleness, I had the opportunity to meet Stott and interview him about his views and experience as a
single. He later revised and expanded his candid remarks into a more thorough treatment of the
subject, from which the following is excerpted.
On the balance of marriage and singleness:
We must never exalt singleness (as some early church fathers did, notably Tertullian) as if it were a
higher and holier vocation than marriage. We must reject the ascetic tradition which disparages sex
as legalized lust, and marriage as legalized fornication. No, no. Sex is the good gift of a good
Creator, and marriage is his own institution.
If marriage is good, singleness is also good. It's an example of the balance of Scripture that,
although Genesis 2:18 indicates that it is good to marry, 1 Corinthians 7:1 (in answer to a question
posed by the Corinthians) says that "it is good for a man not to marry." So both the married and the
single states are "good"; neither is in itself better or worse than the other.
Reasons people remain single:
I doubt if we could find a clearer answer to this than in the recorded teaching of Jesus himself in
Matthew 19:11-12. He was talking about "eunuchs," meaning people who remain single and celibate.
He listed three reasons why people do not marry.
First, for some it is "because they were born that way." This could include those with a physical
defect or with a homosexual orientation. Such are congenitally unlikely to marry.
Second, there are those who "were made that way by men." This would include victims of the horrible
ancient practice of forcible castration. But it would also include all those today who remain single
under any compulsion or external circumstance. One thinks of a daughter who feels under obligation
to forego marriage in order to care for her elderly parents.
Third, "others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven." These people, who are
under no pressure from within or without, voluntarily put marriage aside, either temporarily or
permanently, in order to undertake some work for the kingdom which demands single-minded
devotion.
Singleness as a gift from God:
It's noteworthy that Jesus himself, before listing those three categories of single people, said that not
everybody could accept what he was about to say, "but only those to whom it has been given." If
singleness is a gift, however, so is marriage. Indeed, I have myself found help in 1 Corinthians 7:7.
For here the apostle writes: "each man [or woman] has his [or her] own gift from God; one has this
gift, another has that." "Gift" translates charisma, which is a gift of God's grace (charis). So whether
we are single or married, we need to receive our situation from God as his own special grace-gift to
us.
On Stott's own experience as a single:
In spite of rumors to the contrary, I have never taken a solemn vow or heroic decision to remain
single! On the contrary, during my 20s and 30s, like most people, I was expecting to marry one day.
In fact, during this period I twice began to develop a relationship with a lady who I thought might be
God's choice of life-partner for me. But when the time came to make a decision, I can best explain it
by saying that I lacked an assurance from God that he meant me to go forward. So I drew back. And
when that had happened twice, I naturally began to believe that God meant me to remain single.
Looking back, with the benefit of hindsight, I think I know why. I could never have traveled or
written as extensively as I have done if I had had the responsibilities of a wife and family.
On loneliness:
God created us as social beings. Love is the greatest thing in the world. For God is love, and when he
made us in his own image, he gave us the capacity to love and to be loved. So we need each other.
Yet marriage and family are not the only antidotes to loneliness.
Some pastors work on their own, isolated from their peers, and in consequence are lonely. But the
New Testament plainly envisages that each local church will have a plural oversight. See, for
example, Acts 14:23 and Titus 1:5. So in All Souls Church in the heart of London we have always
had a team ministry, and we have found it an enormous enrichment. I have also been greatly blessed
by Frances Whitehead, my faithful secretary for more than 40 years, and by the "apostolic
succession" of my study assistants.
In addition, single people are wise to develop as many friendships as possible, with people of all ages
and both sexes. For example, although I have no children of my own, I have hundreds of adopted
nephews and nieces all over the world, who call me "Uncle John." I cherish these affectionate
relationships; they greatly lessen, even if they do not altogether deaden, occasional pangs of
loneliness.
Final words of advice for single people:
First, don't be in too great a hurry to get married. We human beings do not reach maturity until we
are about 25. To marry before this runs the risk of finding yourself at twenty-five married to
somebody who was a very different person at the age of twenty. So be patient. Pray daily that God
will guide you to your life partner or show you if he wants you to remain single. Second, lead a
normal social life. Develop many friendships. Third, if God calls you to singleness, don't fight it.
Remember the key text: "Each person has his or her own gift of God's grace" (1 Cor. 7:7).
WHY SINGLES BELONG IN MINISTRY
Unmarrieds offer a unique understanding of devotion to Christ alone.
By Lore Ferguson
Each time I read a well-intentioned article on how to make the most of your single years, I scan
down to the author's bio and often discover that, sure enough, he's married to his college sweetheart,
pulling advice from a brief period of singleness years ago.
Even at 33, I'm a spring chicken to some of the seasoned single men and women before me. These
Christians have spent their lives burning with passion, unmet desires, or unrequited love, or have
committed to a life of celibacy. These are the clouds of witnesses I look to for wisdom in issues of
singleness—not the well-meaning, but hollow three-points and a poem professor with his winsome
wife and four little ones. What do I know of his life? The hardships of parenting, husbanding,
pastoring, teaching, ministering? But what does he know of mine?
If the life of a single Christian, as Paul admonished, is to be undistracted by the world, concerned
with the things of the Lord, then unmarried ministers have a unique calling indeed. And it is one the
church ought not ignore—or usurp.
Where I live, in the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex, young marriages are common. Younger than the
national average at least. Yet few single men and women are involved in ministry. My pastor leads a
large church-planting network, and I asked him recently, "How many single guys are planting in the
network?" He named a mere few. The dearth of undistracted men and women in ministry is sad, but
more so, it is alarming.
I am in no way discouraging marriage (I want to be married, after all), but I believe the church can
do better in this area. If the trend of delayed marriage continues, we must have men and women who
have walked the narrow path of godly singleness teaching those who come after them. The church's
tendency to primarily hire married men and women, for whatever justification—stability,
plantedness, longevity—should be reconsidered for multiple reasons.
1. Godly singles will be more available for ministry and study than their married counterparts.
To be undistracted by spouses does not have to mean one is distracted by other earthly entities.
Paul's encouragement to the singles was to be undistracted in their devotion to the Lord. Still, a
godly unmarried person will, and should, have more time to invest in study, discipleship, ministry,
and service than a married person will. This is a precious gift and shouldn't be overlooked within the
church. Churches need to equip their singles—not with singles ministries where they meet and
mingle—but with opportunities to grow in their devotion to the Lord, specifically in vocational
ministry.
2. Walking unpartnered equips singles to deal with painful realities of life without seeking solace in
a spouse.
Without the daily liturgy of the marriage covenant running through their lives, single Christians can
feel the weight of aloneness deeply. There is no one to help shoulder the burden of bills, chores, or
concerns as a spouse would. In these moments the lack can feel a near agony. I think often of Christ
in his last days: Could you not wait with me? Keep watch with me? How aching the loneliness must
have felt to him in those moments.
There is quietness in the life of a single that can be a gift, but it can also be an echo chamber of
darkness where difficulties must be wrestled through with God alone. This equips singles in unique
ways to minister with an eye toward finding our strength in Christ alone as our ultimate groom.
Kathy Keller, in a panel on gender at the recent Gospel Coalition Women's Conference said, "Singles
have in many ways more of an opportunity to display what it means to be Christ's spouse in their
singleness."
3. If Christ asks for holiness, purity, and chastity from the unmarried, then we need models of those
who are living out those virtues in prolonged seasons.
Those who have wrestled deep with their prolonged chastity have experienced something of earth's
groans in wait for her Creator. A friend recently confessed struggles of waiting sexually for her
upcoming wedding day. I was able to tell her the hunger pangs of longing she feels for her fiancé are
akin to the hunger pangs we feel when we're fasting. Those pangs teach us we're waiting for a better
feast. For the one fasting, the feast isn't the break-fast, and for the virgin, the feast isn't the wedding
night. The feast is the marriage supper of the Lamb and an eternity spent with him. But those pangs
are still real and felt, to pretend they're not is ignorant.
Being content in Christ while single is not as simple as three points and a poem. Sometimes it is a
very real war against flesh. The church desperately needs single pastors and ministers who
understand that prolonged warring. They understand the agony of having not yet arrived to eternity's
shores in a deep and daily way.
As culture continues to trend toward prolonging marriages longer and longer, and especially as
same-sex attraction issues rise, we need men and women who have firmly planted their feet on the
rock of purity and undistracted devotion to the Lord.
Lore Ferguson is a freelance writer and graphic designer living in Dallas,
LIES ABOUT SINGLENESS
By Emma Thornett | 19 August, 2013
I’m single. I live in Sydney’s east with my two flatmates and my cat. (The crazy-cat-lady litmus test
is that you know you’ve become one and you don’t care.) I’m in my late thirties. Many of the
struggles that surround singleness are my struggles too: tossing up between living on my own (and
being lonely and possibly broke) or living with flatmates (and regularly having to find and get used
to new ones); turning up to things on my own all the time; feeling the unvoiced wonderings of
friends, who think I’m too fussy, or gay, or weird; feeling surprised and disappointed that I’m not
married by now, and wondering what’s wrong with me. I tire of all of those things.
However, I remain convinced that God’s word in the Bible is true, and I am determined to cling to it.
My life, my struggles, my circumstances have changed over the years, but God has not. Neither has
his word.
So this is a plea to my dear Christian sisters who are single but would love to be married: don’t stop
trusting God. Endure through your sadness. Don’t let Satan get to you with his subtle lies, which
come from all directions. Don’t find yourself believing them without even realizing it.
(A quick note: I’m deliberately addressing this to women who aren’t married but would like to be.
What I say will not apply equally to all single people, so please take whatever you find helpful from
this article even if it’s not really written for you.)
Here are just some of the lies Satan tells us all the time.
Lie 1: You’re single because you’re…
You can finish the sentence yourself—just insert your adjective of choice. For me, it varies from ‘fat’
to ‘ugly’ to ‘horrible’, depending on the day. But I can think of so many friends who are beautiful in
the world’s eyes, who are lovely, funny, kind, delightful… and single. So many. People of all shapes,
sizes and personalities are single, and people of all shapes, sizes and personalities are married. What
is attractive to one is not attractive to another. Shape, size, and personality are not why I’m single.
In the Western world at least, more and more people are marrying later in life or not at all. I may be
single, but I’m certainly not alone. This isn’t because the human race is producing uglier or more
horrible people, but because of a raft of social changes we’ve seen over the past century.
“God is more powerful than our social situations, our looks, our personalities, and our insecurities.”
But God is more powerful than any social force or trend. The fact is that ultimately I’m single
because God is in control of everything. He is sovereign. Likewise, those who are married are
married because God is sovereign. Those who are widowed are widowed because God is sovereign.
God is more powerful than our social situations, our looks, our personalities, and our insecurities.
Lie 2: God is not powerful enough to find you a husband
The older I get, the easier it is to believe this lie (which is closely related to the first). When I was
younger, thinner and less cynical, it was easy to imagine that God would send a husband along for
me. Who wouldn’t love me? I was amazing back then! But the longer I remain unchosen (and that’s
certainly how it feels), the easier it is to think that God’s power can’t reach this part of my life.
But I need to remember that in fact I am not unchosen. God himself has chosen me. And at the risk
of stating the obvious, if God can create the universe just by speaking (Genesis 1); if he can cause
Pharaoh to let the Israelites go (Exodus 12); if he can raise Jesus Christ from the dead (Luke 24);
if he can use the purposes of evil men for his good purposes (Acts 2:22-24); if he can give us new
life and change us from people who hate him to people who want to serve him (1 Peter 1); if he
can—well, do I need to list every event in the Bible? If God can do all this, then he can find me (and
you) a husband, easily.
This doesn’t mean “there’s someone just around the corner for you”, or that God will provide you
with a husband. It just means that if you are single it’s not because God is too powerless to marry
you off to someone.
Lie 3: You’re single because God does not love you
Most of us know this can’t really be true. We know that God is love (1 John 4:8). We know he sent
his own Son to die on the cross for the sins of sinful people. We know all that.
But have we stopped believing it?
Our world is decaying because of sin, and there is sickness, tragedy and sadness everywhere. We have
all kinds of reasons to doubt God’s love for us if the only thing we have to go on is what we can see
around us. But we are such finite beings. We see so little. We “do not know the work of God who
makes everything” (Eccl 11:5). So we must look to the cross. The facts of the death and
resurrection of Jesus Christ are the same now as they were when we first believed. If God sent his
own Son to die that horrific death in your place so that he can be in relationship with you, and if he
did this while you were still a sinner (Rom 5:6-11), then maybe you don’t need to doubt his love for
you.
And if you cannot see God’s love on the cross, why do you think you will see it in a man—especially a
sinful man?
“What happened on the cross is a much bigger and better demonstration of God’s love than
providing a husband.”
What happened on the cross is a much bigger and better demonstration of God’s love than providing
a husband.
Lie 4: Because no-one has married you, you have no value
I’ve spoken to a number of single friends who genuinely think they have nothing to offer. They think
the fact that no man has chosen them for a wife is a reflection on them, and that it means they can’t
possibly have any value. I suppose it is just another expression of that age-old sin of thinking our
value comes from how other people see us.
At this point, I’m tempted to talk about how much single people can offer the world around them.
I’m tempted to tell you about one of my friends, who thinks she does not matter to anyone yet gives
up her time week after week to help out with youth group. Or another friend, who cannot tell me a
single positive thing about herself but who is often quite thoughtfully supportive of her friends and
family. I’m tempted to talk about all the ways in which we single people can contribute to the lives of
those around us. But that would suggest that our value comes from what we do, which is just as bad
as thinking that our value comes from what other people think of us!
“Someone marrying you will not make you valuable… You cannot be made valuable, because you
already are valuable.”
No. Someone marrying you will not make you valuable. Doing things for other people will not make
you valuable. You cannot be made valuable, because you already are valuable. You are valuable
because God Almighty himself tenderly created you—in his own image, no less! You were valuable
the minute God wrote your days in his book (Ps 139:13-16), and nothing that happens to you in this
life can change that.
Lie 5: Getting married will fix all your problems
This is probably the lie that I wrestle with the most, mentally. I swing wildly from knowing it isn’t
true to thinking it is. When I’m looking for a new flatmate, I think that marriage would mean I
wouldn’t have to keep finding people to live with. I could just get used to my husband, and that
would be it. I could also afford to buy property, so I wouldn’t have to worry about when or if my
landlord might ask me to leave.
It is true that marriage is a solution to some problems, some of the time. Marriage can be an answer
to loneliness. It might mean I can buy my own home. But this particular lie is one of those clever
half-truths, where the truth makes it harder to see the lie.
There is actually no guarantee that marriage will fix loneliness. Some married people are incredibly
lonely, trapped in awful marriages with no-one to talk to about it. And getting married is no
guarantee that I’ll never have to find someone to live with again, or that I’ll be able to buy property
and have more security. My husband might die soon after we’re married; our house might burn
down. Those are tragic examples but even if things like that don’t happen, I’m sure the picture I
have in my head of what marriage will be like is probably very different from what it would actually
be like. Paul doesn’t talk about the “anxieties” and “worldly troubles” of marriage in 1 Corinthians
7 without good reason. Jesus’ own disciples clearly recognize the difficulties of marriage. When
Jesus tells them that “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another,
commits adultery”, they say, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry”
(Matt 19:9-10)!
I’m not saying marriage is bad—as the apostle Paul would say, by no means! Marriage is a
wonderful gift from God, and I’m absolutely delighted when my friends get married. I’d love to get
married myself. But we must not fall into the trap of thinking that marriage will fix all our
problems. It won’t.
Lie 6: You’ve got to find The One
This is the dumbest idea in the history of dumb ideas. Seriously. Thank you so much, Hollywood,
with all your stupid rom-coms, for helping Satan blind us with this lie.
While it is true that God knows whether we will marry and whom we will marry, there is absolutely
no way that we can know. Unless God himself gives you a name or hands you a photograph, you
simply cannot know beyond a shadow of a doubt whether you’ve found the ‘right’ person. All you can
do is pray, make a wise decision, trust God, and then be faithful to your marriage promises.
“Don’t look for ‘the one’; instead, look for someone who produces the fruit of the Spirit. Look for
someone who loves Jesus.”
I’m not saying you should marry any old person as long as they’re Christian, available and breathing.
I’m not saying there’s no place for physical attraction and romance—Song of Songs would
contradict me if I were. What I am saying is that in your desire to get married, don’t look for ‘the
one’; instead, look for someone who produces the fruit of the Spirit. Look for someone who loves
Jesus. Learn from the fact that many in arranged marriages grow to deeply love each other; and
don’t expect that you’ll feel wobbly in the knees as soon as your lay eyes on your future husband. Ask
God for a husband, but also ask him to change your desires so that you will be open to the advances
of a godly man, should they come.
Lie 7: A single person has no family
To be honest, at this stage in my life I don’t feel much temptation to believe this lie. By the grace of
God, both my parents are still alive and well, together with their respective spouses and a bunch of
half- and step-siblings. But sometimes I wonder what it will be like when I’m much older. In my less
trusting moments, I am afraid of getting old and lonely and having no-one to look after me. I’m sure
many married people share this fear. As the late (and lifelong single) John Chapman pointed out, at
least 50% of married people will face singleness again when their spouse dies.
Chappo taught me to change the way I think about family. In a sermon he gave many years ago in
his home church, he pointed out that our Christian family supersedes our biological family, just as it
did for Jesus (see Matt 12:46-50; 19:27-29).1 Chappo then said, “I am not going to be anybody’s
grandfather… but in this family [indicating the congregation] I should expect lots of
grandchildren… You and I are bound together in a family that takes precedence against our
biological family.”2 Chappo’s expectations were well and truly met—during his last few days in this
life, he had so many visitors to his hospital bed that one of the hospital staff commented, “He must
have a big family!” What a moving testament to the blessing of being part of God’s family.
As children of God, we are part of a massive family. The challenge for all of us, in our individualistic
culture, is to act like it.
Lie 8: It’s better to marry a non-Christian than stay single for life
Even though God’s family is huge, we’re all sinful and sometimes we do a terrible job of loving each
other. Singleness can be a very painful and lonely experience. Some decide it’s better, in the end, to
marry an unbeliever. Perhaps you are toying with this idea yourself at the moment.
Let me tell you, slowly so you hear me: It. Is. Not. Worth. It.
I know many women married to unbelieving men. Some of these women did not become Christian
until after they got married. Others were Christian and married a non-Christian. Others have
watched their Christian husbands walk away from Jesus. But not one of them would recommend
choosing to marry a non-Christian while you still have a choice to make. Not one. Not the women
who still trust Jesus, anyway. And here’s why.
If you marry a man who doesn’t know and love Jesus, here are your options:
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You will eventually walk away from Jesus yourself, as he becomes less and less important
and relevant in your life and your husband becomes more important. And when you walk
away from Jesus, you will have exchanged heaven for hell.
Or you will keep trusting Jesus, but it will be difficult and lonely in at least some respects. I
know a dear Christian lady whose husband no longer professes Christ, although he once did.
But he’s happy for her to go to church, and he’s happy for her to give money to church (as
long as he can spend the equivalent on whatever he likes!), and he loves her. As far as being
married to an unbeliever, it’s about as good as you can get. But every week, she goes to
church and Bible study on her own. She can’t share the most important part of her life with
the man she loves. And, saddest of all, unless something changes between now and when her
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husband dies, she cannot look forward to standing with him before the throne of God in
heaven for all eternity. He is going to another place.
Or perhaps—perhaps—God will have mercy on you and save your husband once you’re
married. But when you marry a non-Christian I think you probably make it harder for him
to take Jesus seriously. Why would he, when you’re not taking Jesus seriously yourself? Of
course, God is more powerful than your bad example, and he could still save your husband.
But you have no guarantee that he will, and it’s certainly not something you can demand.
Given the previous two options, why take the risk?
My dear sisters, if you are tempted to seek solace with a non-Christian, please don’t. Don’t even flirt
with the idea. Don’t get into a situation where you will get emotionally involved and find it hard to
think straight. Determine that you won’t give in to this temptation—even, or especially, if you don’t
feel the temptation right now—and stick to your guns.
My favourite Jane Eyre quote springs to mind here. The man she loves is trying to persuade her to
abandon her moral convictions and live with him, even though he already has a wife. She responds by
saying:
“Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation; they are for such moments
as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent are they; inviolate they shall
be. If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? … Preconceived
opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by; there I plant my foot.”3
Lie 9: It’s too hard to be single and you can’t keep on going
During the past couple of years, I’ve had two very sad conversations. One friend told me she isn’t
sure how long she can keep going if she remains single. Another friend, when I mentioned this
conversation to her, said, “I can relate”. For them, single life is just too hard and too lonely.
To be perfectly frank, part of me wants to just shake them and tell them to look around—there are
harder things than being single. Personally, I’d rather stay single for life than go through divorce.
Let’s not become blasé to the pain of divorce just because it’s so common. My heart breaks for
women whose husbands have died. Some families live daily with incredible heartache and struggle
because of illness or disability or poverty or tragedy. I think their struggles would be much harder
than mine.
I also want these women to see how much they do have. They have good jobs. They have plenty of
clothes, money and food. They are both in the top 2% of earners worldwide. They both have
comfortable places to live—one has even managed to buy herself a unit.
But that’s not really the point. We each have our struggles, even if they aren’t as ‘bad’ as someone
else’s. The grief of singleness is real and valid, and it comes from a very normal and healthy desire
to be married. What we need is God, and the perspective that comes from reading his word.
Do you know how many calls there are in the New Testament to persevere and endure? No, neither
do I—but it’s approximately a lot.4 This suggests that following Jesus in this world for a long time is
not going to be easy. It may actually get even harder between now and when you meet him face to
face. This is why I think there are also so many descriptions in the New Testament of the amazing
things God has given us in Christ.5 We need to keep remembering what they are, because we forget
so easily, and they are a big part of the motivation to endure anything and everything for the sake of
Jesus who died for us. 2 Peter 1:3-12 puts it perfectly:
His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the
knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his
precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine
nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very
reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and
knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness,
and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are
yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our
Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having
forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to
confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this
way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and
Saviour Jesus Christ.
Therefore I intend always to remind you of these qualities, though you know them and are
established in the truth that you have.
“It is not too hard to be single—even for life. You can keep going, because God has given you
everything you need.”
It is not too hard to be single—even for life. You can keep going, because God has given you
everything you need. Don’t let Satan convince you otherwise.
Let us not be victims
Dear sisters, let’s not be victims of Satan’s attacks. Let us not dare to be dissatisfied with all that
the God of the universe has lovingly given us. Let us trust God in all areas of life, including this one.
Let’s not be those who say to the God who will judge the living and the dead, “Give me what I want,
or we’re through”.
For what they are worth, here are a few suggestions—not rules or commands—to help you endure.
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If your convictions feel a little shaky, figure out what it is that you’re not sure about, and go
and do something about it. Read a Gospel. Read a book about Jesus’ death and
resurrection.6 Work out what you’re not sure about, and talk about it with someone you
trust.
If you’ve stopped reading God’s word regularly, find someone to read it with you.
Find someone at church who you can help—maybe there’s someone who could do with a
home-cooked meal at the moment. If there are gaping empty lonely holes in your life, fill
them up with serving your family. It honestly does help.
Remember that you are not a powerless victim. You have the Holy Spirit. You have a
Father God who made the entire universe, and who loves you, and who really does know
what is best for you. Put 2 Peter 1:3-12 on your bedroom wall and read it every day.
Find some way to be thankful for what you have. Keep a diary and write down one or two
things each day for which you are grateful. Better yet: tell other people about them. You’ll
remind yourself, and you’ll encourage others. Win-win!
If you live on your own and you find yourself feeling constantly lonely, consider sharing with
one or two others. I know this sounds abhorrent to some, especially if you’re used to living
on your own. Living with others is hard, even if you all get on well. You have to compromise
and you’re not in control of your environment. But being in a home with other people, even
if you’re all in different rooms and not actually conversing, is very different to being in a
home on your own. I genuinely don’t get lonely, and I think it has a lot to do with the fact
that I don’t live on my own.
Let me finish by saying that if you’re single because you’re Christian—that is, you have turned down
advances from unbelievers, or you struggle with same-sex attraction but you know that’s not God’s
will and so you remain celibate—then let me say thank you and well done. You are a godly example
and an encouragement, and I praise God for you.
1. You can find the text of Chappo’s sermon in Michael Orpwood’s book Chappo: For the Sake
of the Gospel, Eagleswift Press, 1995, pp. 187-93. It’s a very encouraging read. ↩
2. Orpwood, pp. 189-90. ↩
3. Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre, Third Norton Critical Edition, Norton, New York, 2001,
pp. 270-1. ↩
4. E.g. Matt 10:22, 24:13; Luke 21:19; Rom 5:3-4, 15:4-5; 1 Cor 10:13, 13:7; 2 Cor 1:6;
Eph 6:18; Col 1:11; 2 Thess 1:4; 2 Tim 2:12, 24; Heb 10:36, 12:1-17; James 1; 1 Pet
2:18-25; Jude 17-21; Rev 1:9, 14:6-13. ↩
5. E.g. Rom 4:7-8; 1 Cor 6:9-11; 2 Cor 8:9; Gal 3:10-14; Eph 2:1-22; 3:1-6; Titus 3:3-6; 1
Pet 1:3-5, 2:9-10; 2 Pet 1:3-4. ↩
6. Stan Telchin’s Betrayed is brilliant (and short). He’s a Jewish man who gets so angry when
his daughter converts to Christianity that he decides to prove to her that Jesus is not the
Messiah. He looks at all the Old Testament prophecies about the Messiah and then looks at
how many of them Jesus fulfils… and he becomes a Christian.
For many more articles on ‘purposeful singleness’ go to http://www.singleness.org/articles.shtml