SENTENCE SENSE
Good writing has rhythm. In order to create rhythm a writer aims to make writing sound as natural
and effortless as speech.
Nuts and Bolts
Sentence Length
The first principle of rhythm in writing, to capture the basic rhythm of speech, is variation of
sentence length.
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Short, sharp sentences give emphasis; the long, involved sentence provides depth and color.
Together with the medium-length sentence, they give writing the tone and rhythm of
speech.
As a rule, writers aim to use on average 15 words per sentence: long sentences range from 26-40
words, medium sentences 12-24, short sentences 2-8.
Varying the length of your sentences takes effort. Writing short sentences is a great deal easier
than writing longer sentences.
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Short Sentence (2-8 words)
o A basic statement with limited modifiers if any. The only requirement for the basic
sentence to be complete is that it contains a subject and verb.
Medium Sentence (12-24 words)
o The medium length sentence is probably going to be structured as a complex
sentence with minimum modifiers.
Long Sentence
o To make a sentence longer, you add additional information such as modifiers,
phrases, and clauses.
o Whatever you add should blend smoothly with the main part of the sentence.
From The Growing Seasons
by Samuel Hynes
Summer only has one date when you’re a kid—the Fourth of July. That was true in the country on the Heggs’ farm
and it was true in town. The way you celebrated was different. The town Fourth began a long time before the date, when
fireworks stands appeared along highways beyond the last houses, the junkyards and the used-car lots. That was because it
was against the law to sell fireworks inside the city limits. We rode our bikes out Cedar Avenue to where the hasty sheds
and tents stood with their red-white-and-blue “Fireworks” signs, and there bought skyrockets, Roman candles, pinwheels,
cherry bombs, torpedoes, ladyfingers, half-inchers, inchers, and even two-inchers, and rode back into town with our stuff in
paper bags in our bike baskets, and sticks of the rockets standing up like flagstaffs.
Morning comes early on the Fourth of July in town. I wake in the half dark before dawn to the sound of the day’s
first explosions, a distant rattling stutter; somewhere in far-off backyards other kids can’t wait. I dress and take my sack
of firecrackers downstairs and out to the back steps. Chuck is already there, sitting silently, with his own sack. We can’t
begin yet; there has to be a period of waiting, like Christmas morning, until the folds are awake. Adults always delay the best
times. Every kid knows that. Then the lights go on in the kitchen and the pots rattle and the radio begins to play, and we can
begin.
Sentence Style
To create a natural rhythm, it is not enough to just vary your sentence length. It is also necessary
to vary the form or pattern of the sentence.
Every sentence will fit into one of the following classifications:
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Loose—A loose sentence makes its basic point early on, then adds details.
o Bells rang, filling the air with their clangor, startling pigeons into flight from every
belfry, bringing people into the streets to hear the news.
o The teacher considered him a good student, steady if not eager, responsive to
instruction, and conscientious about his work.
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Periodic—The periodic sentence interrupts its basic point to add details before ending the
basic statement.
o Love, as everyone knows except those who happen to be afflicted with it, is blind.
o John, the tough one, the sullen kid who scoffed at any show of sentiment, gave his
mother flowers.
 Delay, of course, is the secret weapon of the periodic sentence. By holding
off the final words of the basic statement until the last possible moment,
the sentence builds its own small feeling of suspense. And readers are
carried along almost irresistibly to the end.
 The periodic is the most artful of all sentences. Its structure has a kind of
natural elegance, an air of perfectly controlled movement, of assured grace.
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Combination—To create balance and rhythm, your best sentences are likely to combine
elements of both.
o Simple—John was angry
o Slightly Periodic—John was suddenly, violently angry.
o More Periodic—John, usually the calmest of men, was suddenly, violently angry.
o Periodic and Loose—John, usually the calmest of men, was suddenly, violently angry,
so angry that he lost control completely.
Any sentence that goes beyond basic statement is a thing of movable parts, regardless of content.
So move the parts. Combine and recombine, shift and change, add and subtract. Shuffle the parts
around until you have exactly the shade of emphasis you want.
Sentence Types
There are four basic kinds of sentences.
• Simple—expresses a single thought and consists of one subject and one verb.
• Compound—consists of two or more independent clauses of equal importance.
• Complex—consists of one independent clause and one or more dependent clauses.
• Compound-Complex—consists of two or more independent clause of equal importance and one
or more dependent clauses
The Simple Sentence
The most basic type of sentence is the simple sentence, which contains only one clause.
All of the following are simple sentences, because each contains only one clause. They are the first
four sentences of A Christmas Carol and it is interesting that Dickens begins the story in this way.
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Marley was dead.
There is no doubt whatever about that.
The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner.
Scrooge signed it.
As you can see, a simple sentence can be quite long -- it is a mistake to think that you can tell a
simple sentence from a compound sentence or a complex sentence simply by its length.
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The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, shriveled his cheek, stiffened his
gait, made his eyes red, his thin lips blue, and spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice.
This is a simple sentence because, although it has a number of verbs, it has only one subject.
In writing, simple sentences can be very effective for grabbing a reader's attention or for summing
up an argument, but too many simple sentences can make your writing seem immature.
The Compound Sentence
A compound sentence consists of two or more independent clauses joined by coordinating
conjunctions like for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so (fanboys)
Simple
Compound
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Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
The wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile.
My unhallowed hands shall not disturb it.
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The wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the
Country's done for.
This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story.
Sometimes people new to the business called Scrooge Scrooge, and sometimes Marley, but he answered
to both names.
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A compound sentence is especially effective when use to create a sense of balance or contrast
between two (or more) equally important pieces of information:
The Complex Sentence
A complex sentence contains one independent clause and at least one dependent clause.
Simple
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He couldn't replenish it.
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He couldn't replenish it because Scrooge kept the coal-box in his own room.
Complex
A complex sentence is very different from a simple sentence or a compound sentence because it
makes clear which ideas are most important.
When you write:
OR
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He lived in chambers. They had once belonged to his deceased partner.
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He lived in chambers, and they had once belonged to his deceased partner.
The reader will have trouble knowing which piece of information is most important to you.
When you write:
• He lived in chambers that had once belonged to his deceased partner.
You make it clear that the fact that the chambers had once belonged to his deceased partner is not
as important as the fact that he lived in the chambers.
The Compound-Complex Sentence
A compound-complex sentences contains at least (two) independent clauses and at least (one)
dependent clause.
Examples:
Compound: The clerk promised, and Scrooge walked out with a growl.
Complex: The clerk promised that he would.
Compound-complex: The clerk promised that he would, and Scrooge walked out with a growl.
Compound: This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story.
Complex: Nothing wonderful can come of the story that I am going to relate.
Compound-complex: This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story that I am going to
relate.
In the above sentences the dependent clauses are in bold and the independent clause is in italics,
and the conjunction is underlined. Notice that compound-complex sentences have a coordinating
conjunction, “fanboys,” and a relative pronoun or a subordinating conjunction.
Expanding
No matter what you do to expand a sentence or clause, never lose touch of the main idea. A specific
concrete noun and strong action verb carry more weight than any number of adjectives, adverbs, or
phrases.
Expanding
the
Subject:
• Use adjectives (noisy, inattentive, apathetic), prepositional phrases (with a subdued
rustle), an appositive (the handsomest man in film), or a verbal (alarmed, frozen,
settling, trying).
o The boy, the one wearing glasses, is in my history class.
o My mother, after all this time, says I can’t go.
o This piecrust, though as it is, tastes pretty good.
Expanding
the
Verb:
• You can expand the verb by showing how the action of the verb progresses.
o The class read, listlessly at first, and then with growing interest, the day’s
assignment.
o The class, after trying unsuccessfully to divert Mr. Dunwiddy into a
discussion of the football game, read the assignment.
Expanding
the
rest
of
the
Sentence:
• The simplest way to expand the rest of the sentence is to look for its most
important noun (often this will be a direct object) and follow it with an appositive—a
word or phrase that means the same thing.
o I saw Mr. Hassenfeffer, the manager.
o The class read the assignment, a full chapter covering trade relations
before the war and containing a dismaying number of statistical table.
Practice Expanding the Sentence
Sentence Openers:
Appositive
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One of eleven brothers and sisters, Harriet was a moody, willful child.
Participial
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Sitting up in bed eating breakfast, we could see the lake and the mountains across the lake.
Prepositional Phrase
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Like a lean, gray wolf, he moved silently and easily.
Adverb Dependent Clause
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After he got himself under control, he apologized.
Adjectives
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Alone, I would often speak to her.
Adverb
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Eagerly, we settled onto the muddy forest floor and waited.
Sentence Interrupters (subject verb splits):
Appositive
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Participial
A man, weary old pensioner with a bald dirty head and a stained brown corduroy waistcoat, appeared
at the door of a small gate lodge.
My father, cautioning me not to work a horse till he had fed fully, said I had plenty of time to eat
myself.
Prepositional Phrase
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Ancestors, in every variety of dress from Elizabeth knight to the buck of the Regency, stared down
and daunted us.
Adjective Dependent Clause
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Keeton, who overtopped Norris by five inches and outweighed him by a hundred pounds, gave the
deputy a harsh little shake and then did let go.
Adverb Dependent Clause
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The truck drivers, when they heard that Maxie Hammerman had been released, were furious.
Adjectives
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A sigh, short and faint, marked an almost imperceptible pause, and then his words flowed on, without a
stir, without a gesture.
Adverb
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He, suddenly, soared up out of the water in a fountain of spray, turning as he fell.
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Sentence
Closers:
Appositive
Participial
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The body looked at them, big black ugly insects.
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The entire crowd in the saloon gathered about me now, urging me to drink.
Prepositional Phrase
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The sea is high again today, with a thrilling flush of wind.
Adjective Dependent Clause
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They dropped his belongings at the freshman dorm, where the only sign of his roommate was a khaki
duffel bag and a canvas butterfly chair printed to resemble a gigantic hand.
Adverb Dependent Clause
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Alfred quietly slipped out the back door and waited until Henry left.
Adjectives
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Blue Elk went out, hurt and angry.
Adverb
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Neither boy had on shoes, and their Sunday clothing, patched and worn, hung a upon their frail frames,
loosely.
Repetition
Repeating letters, words, phrases, and ideas plays with the rhythmic facet of the mind.
Repetition works in writing, but only if you intend it. Repeating keywords, phrases, and story
elements creates a rhythm, a pace, a structure, a wavelength that reinforces the central theme of
the work. The number of times a letter, word, phrase, or idea is repeated is significant. Three gives
us a sense of the whole, while two creates comparison and contrast.
Repetition has power. Consider these words, for example, from the book Night by Elie Wiesel.
Never shall I forget those flames which consumed my faith forever.
Never shall I forget that nocturnal silence which deprived me, for all eternity, of the desire to live.
Never shall I forget those moments which murdered my God and my soul and turned my dreams to dust.
Never shall I forget these things, even if I am condemned to live as long as God Himself. Never.
Repetition of Letters
Alliteration
At the first level, the repetition of letter sounds—alliteration—can create an attractive sentence
that will therefore be remembered longer. Being careful not to step over the line into corniness,
you can create emphasis through alliteration, as in the final two words of the following example.
The effect is heightened by the t sound in chocolate.
It was fascinating to see a brown drop of coffee fall to the water and sink and
disperse slowly into the clearness, leaving behind a chocolate-tinted trail.
In corporate writing, alliteration has to be used with great caution. If it becomes too poetic,
serious business people are turned off by it. In a nonfiction article, however, a writer can use
alliteration within the limits imposed by the subject and its purpose.
Repetition of Words and Phrases
Abraham Lincoln used the power of repeated words to create emphasis when he wrote his
Gettysburg Address: who died here . . . here dedicated . . . that we here highly resolve . . .
Repeating a word or phrase is effective when it is done to emphasize a point.
Repetition of Phrases
Repetition of an entire phrase used with parallel construction can be very emphatic, especially as
tricolon (the division of a thought into three parts). Again, the Gettysburg Address provides a
perfect example: we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground.
Parallel Structure
Parallel structure is another valuable writing tool to establish rhythm and emphasis.
Parallel structure means using the same pattern of words to show that two or more ideas have the
same level of importance. This can happen at the word, phrase, or clause level.
Each element of the parallel structure should contain the same parts: an adjective, noun, action
verb, preposition, or participle in one element should find its counterpart in the other.
1.
Use parallel structure with words, phrases, or clauses joined by coordinating conjunctions
and with elements in a series.
• WORDS
o Your company and its potential are of great value to me.
o My best friend took me to a dance and a show.
o Mary likes biking, swimming, and hiking.
o The production manager was asked to write his report quickly, accurately,
and thoroughly.
• PHRASES
o Mary likes to hike, to swim, and to bike.
o We spent the hour in the waiting room reading old magazines, eating stale
cookies, and watching television re-runs.
o The manager praised her employees for their dedication and for their
willingness to work on weekends for free.
• CLAUSES
o The coach told the players that they should get plenty of sleep, that they
should eat plenty of carbohydrates, and that they should do some warm-up
exercises.
o He is the student who does his homework on time, who gets to class before
the bell, and who studies hard for exams.
o The salesman expected that he would present his product at the meeting,
that there would be time for his to show his slide presentation, and that
prospective buyers would ask him questions.
2. Use parallel structure with elements being compared. (x is more than/better than y)
• I like swimming better than diving.
• I like hiking more than running.
3. Use parallel structure with elements joined by a linking verb.
• To succeed is to be open to new opportunity.
4. Use parallel structure with elements joined by a correlative conjunction.
• Clara not only wants money but also wants fame.
• My dog likes not only to play fetch but also to chase cars.
• We can either go to the movie or go to the restaurant.