„Rozvoj vzdělávání žáků karvinských základních škol
v oblasti cizích jazyků“
Registrační číslo projektu: CZ.1.07/1.1.07/02.0162
Určeno pro
6. - 8. třídu
Sekce
Základní
Předmět
Anglický jazyk
Téma / kapitola
Jokes
ENGLISH
JOKES
Teacher:
Student :
Teacher :
I´ve had complaints about you
from all your teachers.
What have you been doing?
Nothing, sir.
Exactly.
A young man broke his arm in a football match. After his arm had been
put in plaster, he asked the doctor. “When you take the plaster off, will I
be able to play the piano?”
“Of course you will”, said the doctor.
“That´s funny”, said the young man. “I couldn´t before”.
- Dad, there´s a man at the door collecting for the new
swimming pool.
- Give him a glass of water, then.
- I don´t think my mother knows much about children.
- Why is that?
- Because she always puts me to bed when I´m wide awake
and she gets me up when I´m sleepy.
How do you spell wrong?
R–O–N–G
That´s wrong.
That was that you asked for, wasn´t it?
Passenger :
Taxi driver :
Passenger :
Taxi driver :
Passenger :
Taxi driver, how much to the station?
Ten pounds, sir.
And how much for my suitcase ?
Nothing, sir.
Good. Take my suitcase to the station and I´ll walk.
2
-
Well, son. How was your first day at school ?
Fine, Dad. But I didn´t get the present.
Which present was that ?
Well, the teacher said to me, “Just sit here for the present.”
Perhaps I´ll get it tomorrow...
Two boys sat down in an expensive cafe, took out their sandwiches
from their schoolbags and began to eat.
A waiter saw them and shouted,
“Hey, you can´t eat your own food in here.”
So the two boys exchanged sandwiches.
- Mum, I don´t like cheese with hole.
- Well, Peter, just eat the cheese and leave the holes
at the side of your plate.
The son of a successful businessman decided to join his father´s
business.
His father said, “First of all, I must give you your first lesson in business.
Stand on the roof.”
The boy climbed on to the roof and stood there.
“Now, son, jump,” said the father.
“But it´s ten metres to the ground,” said the son.
“You want to learn about business, son?”
“Yes, Dad.”
“Well, trust me and jump.”
So the boy jumped and broke his leg. The father rushed down to him and
said, “Now, son, you have just learned the first lesson in business –
never trust anybody.”
- Look at that girl over there. She´s wearing boy´s jeans, a boy´s shirt
and her hair is cut like boy´s. You wouldn´t know she was a girl at all,
would you?
- Well, it just happens that she´s my daughter.
- Oh dear, I am sorry. I didn´t know you were her father.
- I´m not. I´m her mother.
A man rushed into a doctor´s surgery, jumped on the doctor
and shouted, “One, two, three, four...”
“What are you doing?” shouted the doctor.
3
“Well,” said the man. “Everyone said I could count on you.”
George Woolard : Popular Jokes in English
4