Discussion Guide
Contents
Introduction 1
Background to the ‘Disrespect NoBody’ campaign
1
Guidance aims 3
Key messages 3
Before you start
5
Notes to facilitators
5
Preparing for the session
6
Annex of resources: 13
Resource A Details on ‘Disrespect NoBody’ campaign support materials
14
Resource B Dealing with disclosures 15
Resource C Warning signs of abusive behaviours, 18
including sexual exploitation
Resource D Further sources of help 20
Resource E Crimes within the Sexual Offences Act 2003
28
Resource F Further resources for partners
30
Session One: What is ‘teenage relationship abuse’? 31
Session Two: Consent
43
Session Three: Sharing sexual images
58
Disrespect NoBody teacher guidance: Laying the foundations with children aged 8-12 71
Addressing relationship abuse with young people aged 16 - 18
88
Overview
Discussion guide
Introduction
Abuse in relationships is never acceptable and evidence shows that relationship abuse
among young people is shockingly prevalent and this must be addressed. A 2011
report by the NSPCC and Bristol University1 and figures from the NSPCC’s Childline
services2 show that:
•Two-thirds of the girls and a third of the boys reported experiencing emotional
violence, most often controlling behaviour.
•Around half of the girls thought that control was an integral aspect of an intimate
relationship.
•A quarter of both girls and boys reported instigating partner control in their
relationships.
•The number of counselling sessions for online sexual abuse rose by almost a
quarter in 2015-16, especially among children aged 12-15. Two-thirds of young
people seeking help were girls, and 1 in 8 sessions related specifically to grooming.
In addition, a report by the ‘Boys to Men Project’3 found that:
•Over half of the 13 and 14-year-olds surveyed have already experienced domestic
abuse, whether as victims, witnesses or perpetrators.
•A quarter carried out at least one abusive act — often emotional abuse or
controlling behaviour – against a boyfriend or girlfriend.
•The social acceptability of violence was reduced through exposure to preventative
education.
The ‘Disrespect NoBody’ campaign is aimed at preventing young people from
becoming perpetrators and victims of abusive relationships by encouraging them
to understand what a healthy relationship is, to re-think their views of controlling
behaviour, violence, abuse, sexual abuse and what consent means within their
relationships and directs them to places for help and advice. This learning is placed
within the context of 21st century social norms and technology and includes
new materials to help young people to discuss new challenges and their concerns
around sexting as well as the harms and risks of young people’s exposure to online
pornography. It is inclusive and relevant for all young people including LGBT
young people and aims to increase engagement with boys – recognising that while
evidence consistently shows that most abuse in relationships is committed by men,
everyone can be affected by relationship abuse.
This new campaign ‘Disrespect NoBody’ builds on the previous ‘This is Abuse’
campaign which launched in 2010 and ran until 2014. Evaluation showed the name
‘This is Abuse’ could be a barrier to boys, in particular, seeking advice on relationships
but didn’t want to be labelled an abuser. ‘Disrespect NoBody’ approaches the
core issues of relationship abuse and rape, along with new issues of sexting and
pornography, in more positive and engaging way, by using puppets.
1
NSPCC (2011) ‘Standing on my own two feet’
NSPCC (2016) ‘Unhealthy relationships highlighted new Childline campaign
3
From Boys to Men Project (2013) Research carried out by the Universities of Manchester, Bath and Keele and the Economic
and Social Research Council
1
2
Overview
Discussion guide
The new campaign was developed and informed by research with young people which
showed that using puppets makes serious content easier to engage with. Testing with
young people showed that they like the tone of the adverts and the focus on positive
behaviour instead of risk. It also showed that the use of puppets made the serious
content easier to engage with and the puppets were felt to help soften delivery of
‘negative’ messages making it friendly and quirky rather than lecturing. Research also
showed that the use of humour is a positive way to engage with young people who
might otherwise discount these messages. Also, the use of real young people’s voices
in the advert was well received by young people as an effective way of talking about
sensitive issues in a non-lecturing way and the language used is considered highly
appropriate across the age range.
Evaluation from the previous ‘This is Abuse’ campaigns showed that the adverts were
good at prompting young people to think about the issues and also start to identify
with them. A discussion guide was developed, which used the ‘This is Abuse’ adverts
as a prompt, and enabled professionals who work with young people to continue the
conversation and answer questions that might be raised regarding these complex
issues, to embed messages and develop positive relationship behaviours.
Following on from the ‘This is Abuse’ discussion guide, this new guide has been written
and is intended to be used by professionals working with young people supporting
them to use the new ‘Disrespect NoBody’ adverts to facilitate discussion. While it is
not itself statutory guidance, it does support the Government’s statutory guidance on
Sex and Relationships Education and on Keeping Children Safe in Education. The guide
is split into separate sessions which contain ideas for lesson plans (using the campaign
adverts as a starting point) with information which will help young people to recognise
what abusive behaviours are and encourage them to re-think their views of controlling
behaviour, violence, abuse and what consent means within their relationships. This
discussion guide has been updated as the campaign has developed and as more
resources became available. As the lesson plans cover issues such as rape, sexual
assault and pornography it is important to consider the age of the group and their
maturity before starting any lesson and to ensure that all teachers or facilitators have
read this guide, especially in relation to creating a safe learning environment.
The ‘Disrespect NoBody’ campaign was funded by the Home Office and Government
Equalities Office and there is a range of campaign resources available. To order a copy
of the Campaign Brief please email [email protected]. You can
view the TV adverts referenced in this guide on the ‘Disrespect NoBody’ campaign
website www.disrespectnobody.co.uk. Alternatively, you can order a DVD of the
campaign adverts by emailing [email protected]. Further
details on these and other resources are listed in Resource A. We have also included
links to other online resources from partners which you may find useful at Resource F.
We hope you find this guide useful.
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Overview
Discussion guide
Guidance aims
The main aims of this discussion guide are to give ideas and suggested lesson plans
that build on the ‘Disrespect NoBody’ campaign adverts to facilitate discussions
with young people. This will support work aimed at preventing young people from
becoming perpetrators and victims in abusive relationships by:
•helping young people recognise what a healthy relationship looks like, and which
behaviours are abusive and not consistent with a healthy relationship
•encouraging young people to re-think their views of violence, abuse or controlling
behaviour in relationships
•improving understanding of what constitutes rape, sexual assault and abusive and
controlling behaviour
•building understanding of consent, and in particular the responsibility of the
seeker of consent to ensure that the other person has the freedom and capacity
to give it
•empowering young people to avoid, challenge and report sexually violent or
abusive behaviour
•directing young people to places for further help and advice
Key messages
There are a number of key messages in the campaign which young people need to
understand and believe, they are:
•The person seeking consent is responsible (ethically and legally) for ensuring
that consent is given by another person, and for ensuring that the person has
the freedom and capacity to do so.
•In healthy relationships both parties respectfully seek agreement from one
another, regularly check that consent is still being given and respect one another
when it is not.
•Agreement that is brought about by wearing the other person down,
intimidation, physical threats or emotional threats is not consent.
•Pressurising someone to have sex or take part in sexual activity (i.e. groping,
sexual touching, sending a nude selfie) who doesn’t want to or hasn’t given their
consent is never acceptable for any reason.
•Abuse is never OK – blaming abuse on anger, jealousy, alcohol or the other
person’s behaviour is not acceptable.
•It’s not just physical violence, like punching or kicking, that makes a relationship
abusive – if you are threatened with violence, have no say over what you wear
or who you see or speak to, or are constantly criticised, it is still abuse.
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Overview
Discussion guide
•Abuse can happen in any relationship; in heterosexual relationships the male
or the female could be the perpetrator, and it can also happen in same-sex
relationships. Abuse can include threatening to break someone’s confidence and
‘out’ someone who is lesbian, gay, bi or transgender.
•Sex with someone who doesn’t want to, or someone who has not given their
consent, is rape. It does not make a difference whether the people know
each other or not, or what relationship they have. If a woman has sex or does
something sexual with another woman who didn’t want to and didn’t give
consent, this is ‘sexual assault’. It might have a different name, but the crime and
the consequences for both the victim and the perpetrator are still very serious.
•Rape does not have to involve physical force – threatening violence, or having
sex with someone who is incapable of consenting (for example because they’re
drunk or asleep) is rape.
•You should never have to do something sexual that you don’t feel comfortable
with, even if many of your friends are comfortable with similar situations.
•Pornography can give young people an unrealistic expectation of what sex is
like, which can have a damaging effect on their lives and relationships.
•No one should pressure you into doing something you don’t feel comfortable
with, or acting or looking like someone in pornography.
•If you are under the age of 18 and are persuaded, coerced or forced into sexual
activity in exchange for, amongst other things, money, drugs/alcohol, gifts,
affection or status, then this is child sexual exploitation. It is a form of child
abuse. Consent is irrelevant, even if you believe you are voluntarily taking part in
sexual activity with the other person. Child sexual exploitation does not always
involve physical contact and may occur online.1
•Help and advice on healthy relationships is available – visit the ‘Disrespect
NoBody’ campaign website www.disrespectnobody.co.uk for more information.
Please note: the adverts used from the ‘Disrespect NoBody’ campaign as
discussion starters within this guide focus on male characters as the abuser and
female characters as the victim. However, while evidence consistently shows that
most abuse in relationships is committed by men3, it is important to let the group
know that abuse can happen within any relationship: this includes heterosexual
relationships where the female is the abuser and the male is the victim, as well as
within lesbian, gay and bisexual relationships, while we know that trans people
are also highly vulnerable to abuse.
4
See Crown Prosecution Services https://www.cps.gov.uk/data/violence_against_women/vawg_2015_16_report.html and
Office for National Statistics reports: https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/compendium/
focusonviolentcrimeandsexualoffences/2015-02-12
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Overview
Discussion guide
Before you start
It is recommended that you read this discussion guide in full and familiarise
yourself with the support materials before starting any sessions with young
people. The guide has been split into separate session plans and this overview
document applies to each session. This guidance should be read alongside the Sex and
Relationship Education Guidance (DfEE 0116/2000) which is statutory guidance for
schools: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/sex-and-relationship-education
This guidance makes clear that schools should always work in partnership with
parents, consulting them regularly on the content of sex and relationship education
programmes. Parents have the right to withdraw their children from all or part of the
sex and relationship education provided at school except for those parts included in
the statutory National Curriculum.
It should also be read alongside the supplementary guidance – Sex and Relationships
Education (SRE) for the 21st Century: http://www.sexeducationforum.org.uk/
media/17706/sreadvice.pdf
This discussion guide has been produced so it can be used by a wide range of
professionals and organisations who work directly with young people. The PSHE
Association have quality assured this guide and if you are a teacher, or work in an
educational institution, the PSHE Association recommends that these lessons should
form part of a comprehensive SRE programme.
You can find further information on the PSHE Association website www.psheassociation.org.uk, including its national programme of study for PSHE education
which shows how a spiral curriculum of learning about healthy relationships, consent
and abuse can be integrated into a wider programme of learning focusing on linked
issues such as emotional health, body image, and drugs and alcohol education.
Note to facilitators
Due to the sensitive issues being discussed, firm ground rules should be established
at the start of the lessons and distancing techniques used. Young people should not
be encouraged to make personal disclosures in lessons and should instead be given
information on where they can talk about personal matters in a safe, one-to-one
setting. However, we know that as a result of these discussions, young people may
share information which raises safeguarding or disclosure issues. If a disclosure is
made you should follow your own child protection and safeguarding policies, which you
should be familiar with before starting the lesson. There is further advice on ‘Dealing
with Disclosures’ at Resource B and ‘Further Sources of Help for young people’ at
Resource D, following up on these issues where appropriate. There is also advice on
setting ground rules in advance of the session in this section. It is also useful to make
yourself available after the session to talk to those young people who might not have
felt comfortable talking in front of the group, and offer specific advice if needed.
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Overview
Discussion guide
Preparing for the session:
Key questions/actions to help you plan your session (these apply to each of the lesson
plans):
1.Which year groups will you work with? This discussion guide and resources
have been developed for the 13-18 age range. [Guidance for addressing issues
of abuse in relationships with the 8 - 12 age range can be found here and with
the 16 – 18 age range here.] As set out above, it is important that the learning
covered in this guide is appropriate to the age, needs and maturity of the class and
is part of a wider programme of sex and relationships education. It should not be
used outside of the context of a wider programme and should only be used at a
point which is developmentally appropriate for pupils. Teachers are best placed to
make this judgement.
2.How much time do you have? The full outline suggested in this pack takes
approximately 5 hours to run. We recognise that schools organise their
curriculum in different ways. Depending on the length of time you have for your
lessons, you may want to select certain sections or run them over a series of
sessions. For example if you are working to 40-45 minute periods, you might
consider delivering one topic over two sessions.
3.How much time should be devoted to each section? We have suggested a
structure and timing to cover a range of relationship abuse themes. The timings
we have suggested are purely for illustration and sessions may be shorter or
longer than the timings we have given. It is likely that some issues will generate
considerable discussion and you should consider if it might be appropriate to
allow time for this discussion or to move the learning on. Depending on available
time, the objectives of your session and audience, you may not wish to cover all
topics or prefer to dedicate more time to some of them.
4.Have a structure and session time guide prepared: Always make sure you
have a really clear structure beforehand – timings, activities, question outlines
etc. You may not be able to stick to this exactly but it provides you with some
boundaries and puts you in control. To be safe, all sessions should include setting
of ground rules, assessment for and of learning, setting of clear learning objectives
and intended learning outcomes, distancing the learning from the pupils and
differentiation of activities based on pupil assessment (visit the PSHE Association
website www.pshe-association.org.uk if these concepts are unfamiliar).
5.Who is in the group? Consider the group you will be teaching / facilitating and
implications for how you manage the session, the content you include, structure
you take, and preparing for potential difficulties. Consider:
a.the gender composition of the group, bearing in mind that it is a key
principle of PSHE education that all pupils receive the same learning
6
Overview
Discussion guide
b.the sexual orientation and gender identity of members of the group,
bearing in mind that there may be LGBT young people in the group who
have not come out or who may be questioning their sexual orientation or
gender identity.
c.the age and maturity of the group: what is the age of the group and what
does this mean for the areas of content you include or dedicate more time
to? Do the young people know each other? Familiarity might help the session
as they are comfortable with one another or it could present a challenge
as young people may feel self-conscious in front of peers. Consider the
tips on questions and techniques later in the guide to help you plan and
overcome these challenges. The following link provides teachers with further
information and advice including models for assessment that gauges pupil’s
starting point in terms of their existing knowledge, skills, attitudes and beliefs:
https://www.pshe-association.org.uk/curriculum-and-resources/curriculum
d.the vulnerability of young people in the group: the lessons cover challenging
themes so you should discuss them with the school’s designated safeguarding
lead to make sure they are suitable for all pupils in the class and consider any
possible vulnerabilities amongst pupils. At the start of the sessions themselves,
you need to ensure that before you start the session the group understands
that you will be showing films and discussing issues on relationship abuse,
rape, sexting and reminding pupils of the ground rules for PSHE education
at the start of the lessons. You should make clear that everyone has the right
to pass and that if any member of the group feels upset or uncomfortable
with anything being covered that they can leave. If a young person is upset
or uncomfortable and does want to leave the room, always ensure that they
have somewhere safe to go. You may already have your own organisational
procedures in place for such eventualities; if not, make a member of the
pastoral staff aware that you are running the session and ask anyone who
needs to leave to go to their office. You should also make yourself available at
the end of the lesson if a young person wants to speak to you privately.
6.How big is the group? Can you run it alone or do you need a co-facilitator to
help manage a larger number? Will you run the session as one group or split into
smaller groups?
7.Where is the lesson taking place? What set up is best for the group? Do you
have access to the internet to show the films which are the starting point for the
lessons? (available online on the ‘Disrespect NoBody’ campaign website www.
disrespectnobody.co.uk. The adverts are also available on a DVD: to order please
email [email protected]).
8.How will you start discussion and ask questions? What techniques will help?
Depending on the topic and audience, prepare for how you open your session,
frame your questions and try to facilitate discussion on these sensitive and
personal issues. See later in the guide for hints and tips and the discussion guide
outline for suggested questions.
7
Overview
Discussion guide
9.Disclosure and after the session. It is important to let the group know that if they
tell you about something that might indicate potential abuse, or risk of other harm,
you are obliged to tell someone and follow your organisation’s child protection,
safeguarding and information sharing policies. You should also make time at the
end of the session and let the group know you are available in case any of them
want to speak to you privately. Make clear to the group that they should not share
personal information about other people. If they have a concern that someone
is being abused or is abusive they should speak to you or another colleague
privately after the session. Your organisation will have its own child protection,
safeguarding and information sharing policies in place and these must be followed.
We have also provided some advice on dealing with disclosures in Resource B
which you may find helpful in addition to your own organisation’s procedures.
8
Overview
Discussion guide
Asking questions:
The topics covered in this guide are clearly challenging and sensitive. This section
offers advice on asking questions and the discussion guide template offers specific
pointers for ways of phrasing them.
Try to keep questions open to invite discussion.
Don’t ask leading questions or ‘tell the answer’: try to draw out views, guide
discussion and allow young people to develop their understanding through the
conversation. As these issues are sensitive and complex, always allow sufficient
thinking time before probing or reframing a question.
Use gentle probing and prompting: use follow up questions to get to the bottom of
what young people mean or to get them to clarify their idea or argument: example
questions are given later in the guide.
Clarification: while exploratory discussion is important, a key role for you in the
session is to clarify questions, correct misunderstanding or rebut negative myths that
surround these issues.
Don’t be judgmental about young people’s responses: although you may have to
clarify and correct, try to do this in a neutral way that understands their position. This
will help to ensure people don’t feel embarrassed or afraid to continue to comment (or
put others off for fear of ‘getting it wrong’).
Example questions
Explorative open
questions: good for
starting discussion
Probing questions: good
for helping flow, keeping
discussion and getting
deeper responses
Reflecting questions
to the group: good for
gathering a range of views
or managing difficult
participants
•Can you tell me about..?
•Tell me more about…?
•How do you feel about…?
•Can we explore that a bit
more…?
•What kinds of feelings do
others have about that..?
•What does ‘x’ make you think
of…?
•What types of ‘xx’ can you
think of…?
•Where do you go to find out
about ‘x’…?
•How do we know this
is a credible source of
information about ‘x’…?
9
•What makes you think/say
that?
•I am curious why you say
that?
•What’s that all about do you
think?
•I wonder why that is?
•What do you think other
young people would say (who
are different to you)?
•What do others think? Who
agrees / disagrees?
•Not everyone thinks the
same thing about everything
– who thinks something
different about this?
Overview
Discussion guide
Techniques:
Using techniques and activities can help facilitate discussion, particularly for these
difficult subject areas. Different options that can be useful are:
1)Projective techniques that allow young people to refer or project onto a third
party. This is useful for getting under the skin and eliciting underlying feelings
or ‘honest’ answers that might feel too frightening to share in the group or be
subconscious. By referring to a character or other person rather than ‘me’, young
people can feel safer in expressing their view. We recommend that you use the
support materials listed at the beginning of each section to allow the group to
discuss the characters and issues, without referring to themselves.
2)Enabling techniques are useful for helping young people to articulate views
on difficult subjects. Examples might be mapping types of behaviours onto a
spectrum of acceptability or getting young people to write a word cloud or other
visual representation of what they see as a healthy relationship. You could then
ask the group to discuss and respond to the results.
Managing the group
Facilitating a session on a sensitive topic with young people will naturally bring its
challenges. Thinking about how you manage the group up front should help prevent
the session being taken off course or disrupted.
Recognising the types of young people in your group and planning ways to deal with
them can help you feel in control. The table below suggests potential personality type
issues you might face and tips for managing them:
Dominant
Critical / challenging /
controversy seekers
Recessive / quiet4
•Withdraw eye contact
•Use of the word we or other
inclusive words can be
helpful if you want to control
someone that is being a bit
difficult
•Ask open ended questions
•Avoid directly addressing
•Be direct ‘I need to hear
someone else now’
•Referring to the group can
allow the group to moderate
the disruptor
•Use their name
•Reward every response
•Get them to work in pairs
10
Note to facilitators: It is possible that being withdrawn/quiet is a sign of someone being upset. Please be aware of this during the
session and respond accordingly.
4
Overview
Discussion guide
Ground rules and setting up the session
If you are with a group you have not met before or do not usually teach, introducing
yourself and setting up the session is an important step to help put the group at ease
and establish the ground rules, so everyone feels comfortable to join the discussion.
You may have a set of ground rules which you have used in previous sessions, in which
case you should revisit these rules with the group, emphasising those which are
particularly pertinent, or there are some suggested group rules provided below.
Explain
• The
purpose of the session and your role as facilitator
• Depending
on which session you are using, explain the topics which you
will cover for example relationship and sexual abuse, rape, sexting, and/
or pornography and ensure the group know that if they are upset or
uncomfortable by anything they see or hear they can leave the room (be
sure to tell them where they should go, as set out earlier in the guide) and/
or talk to you privately after the session
Explain the rules: we all have the right to:
•privacy – nobody will be asked personal
questions, and we will not reveal personal
details about other members of the group
•join in and make a positive contribution to the
session
•speak without anyone interrupting
•support other people who are less confident
•be listened to
•listen to and respect what others have to say
•our own personal space
•contribute in ways that do not make anyone
feel uncomfortable
•express our ideas and feelings (while not
naming anyone in any examples we might offer)
•be respected for our views and opinions even if
they are different from everyone else’s
•to feel comfortable in the lesson
•learn
•make mistakes without being laughed at –
there is no such thing as a silly answer
11
Explain the aims for the group: we should all try
to:
Overview
Discussion guide
Once ground rules have been set, you can press ahead with the discussions.
Outlines for sessions are set out in separate documents as part of this pack:
- Session One: What is, teenage relationship abuse’?
- Session Two: Consent
- Session Three: Sharing sexual images
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Overview
Discussion guide
Annex of
Resources
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Overview
Discussion guide
Resource A - 'Disrespect NoBody' campaign
support materials
You can view all the ‘Disrespect NoBody’ adverts on the campaign website www.
disrespectnobody.co.uk. You can also order a DVD of the campaign adverts by emailing
[email protected].
Please note that there is a maximum of 10 DVDs per order. However, if you do need
more than the maximum order limit please email VAWGcampaigns@homeoffice. gsi.
gov.uk stating how many you need, where and when they will be used and how many
young people you estimate will come into contact with the materials. We will consider
each application for materials over the order limits on a case-by-case basis.
We have also produced other resources for you to use including audio adverts, posters
in English and Welsh and online adverts. These resources reflect that abuse can
happen in all types of relationships and include those with gender-neutral messaging,
male victims and same sex relationships. Please note that hard copies of the posters
are not available, but can be downloaded and printed from this link: https://www.gov.
uk/government/collections/disrespect-nobody-campaign.
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Overview
Discussion guide
Resource B - Dealing with disclosures
A young person may disclose that domestic abuse is happening in their home
because they are hearing or witnessing the abuse of their mother/father/carer
or other family member.
It is possible that they may also be experiencing abuse directly. Either way, what they
are experiencing can be harmful to them. Any disclosure of domestic or sexual abuse
should therefore be treated as a child protection concern, and appropriate steps taken
in line with your organisation’s procedures and statutory safeguarding guidance.
A three step approach – Receive, Reassure, Respond
If a young person starts to tell you about something that might indicate potential
abuse, listen but do not ask for detail. Let them know as soon as possible that if they
tell you something that might cause concern, you will have to tell someone else,
and you will need to follow your organisation’s child protection, safeguarding and
information sharing policies and procedures.
Under no circumstances agree to keep it a secret. Remember abuse thrives on secrecy.
Make sure you are aware of your organisation’s child protection, safeguarding and
information sharing policies and procedures.
Do not ask probing questions. It may undermine any investigation by Police or
Children and Family Services if it looked as though the young person was led to give
their answers. The Police, Child and Family Services and the NSPCC are the only
organisations that have legal powers to investigate allegations of child abuse.
When listening, try to make sense of what you are being told:
•Are they being harmed?
•Are they currently at risk?
•Is anyone else at risk?
•Do they need medical attention?
•What are their overall needs?
•What is important to them?
It can help to keep in mind the 3 steps of behaviour outlined below – but as mentioned,
it is very important that you follow your organisation’s child protection, safeguarding
and information sharing policies and procedures.
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Overview
Discussion guide
Receive
•listen, do not look shocked or disbelieving
•do not be judgemental
•take what they are saying seriously and believe them
•don’t make the young person feel bad, for example by saying things like ’You
should have told me earlier’
Reassure
•stay calm, tell them that they have done the right thing in telling you
•acknowledge how hard it must have been to tell you
•tell them that they are not to blame
•empathise – but don’t tell them how they should be feeling
•don’t promise confidentiality – explain that only those that need to know will be
told (i.e. you will have to follow your organisation’s Safeguarding Children and
Information Sharing policies and procedures)
•be honest about what you can and can’t do
Respond
•don’t interrogate – let them tell you as far as possible
•don’t ask probing questions – it’s not your job to find out ’who, where, when?’ etc
•refer your concern on through your organisation’s child protection, safeguarding
and information sharing policies and procedures
•record the date and time and any information given to you; always use the words
said to you; never interpret what was said and put it in your own words (this
information could be used as evidence)
•make a note of any injuries you have seen or been shown; this is very important as
bruises, cuts, marks, etc. tend to heal, and this could be used as evidence
•record what you did next and with whom you shared the information – ensure
that all this is in line with your organisation’s policies and procedures
•sign and date everything that you record
•don’t criticise or judge the abuser – the young person may have feelings for him
or her; remember abuse often happens by someone known to and trusted by the
young person
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Overview
Discussion guide
•try to follow things through yourself so they don’t need to repeat their story to
other staff – again, only if this is in line with your organisation’s child protection,
safeguarding and information sharing policies and procedures
• explain what will happen next – for example, the designated safeguarding lead will
be informed, and they may want to speak to the young person further; if it is safe,
the non-abusing parent or carer might also be informed (but always take great
care where there is domestic abuse) the police and social services might also be
informed
•get support for yourself. It can be distressing dealing with disclosure
(Adapted from the Expect Respect toolkit for addressing teenage relationship abuse
in key stages 3, 4 and 5)5
Whatever you do, make sure it is in line with your organisation’s child protection,
safeguarding and information sharing policies and procedures. They may differ from
what is written above. If in doubt speak to your designated safeguarding lead, your
local Child and Family Services or the NSPCC.
If you’re worried about a specific incident that was brought to your attention during
the session then you should follow safeguarding procedures as set out in Working
Together to Safeguard Children (2015).6 You should contact the local authority
children’s social care team, or the local police.
As an additional source for safeguarding, Brook’s traffic light tool (https://www.
brook.org.uk/our-work/the-sexual-behaviours-traffic-light-tool) gives information on
identifying potentially harmful sexual behaviours in different age groups, and advice
on how professionals can respond in an appropriate way. Please note it should be used
within the context of the guidance provided alongside it, and not in isolation, or as a
teaching resource for young people.
17
Expect respect Toolkit: produced by the Women’s Aid, AVA and the Home Office https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/
system/uploads/attachment_data/file/97773/teen-abuse-toolkit.pdf
6
Working together to safeguard children by the Department of Education http://www.workingtogetheronline.co.uk/index.html
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Overview
Discussion guide
Resource C -Warning signs of abusive behaviours
within a relationship, including sexual
exploitation
Abusive behaviour can be:
•violent (hitting, kicking, slapping)
•emotional (humiliating and putting someone down)
•sexual (forcing them to do sexual acts they don’t want to)
Abusive relationships can start with verbal or emotional abuse and could happen to
anyone (including men, transgender people and those in same-sex relationships). It can
often escalate into physical abuse, by which time the victim’s self-esteem is likely to be
damaged.
Some warning signs of potential abusive and violent behaviour which could happen
within relationships are:
•extreme jealousy
•anger when you want to spend time with your friends
•isolating you from friends and family
•trying to control your life (how you dress, who you hang out with and what you
say)
•humiliating you, putting you down
•threatening to harm you or to self–harm if you leave them
•demanding to know where you are all the time
•monitoring your calls and emails, threatening you if you don’t respond instantly
•excessive alcohol drinking and drug use
•explosive anger
•using force during an argument
•blaming others for his/her problems or feelings
• being verbally abusive
•threatening behaviour towards others
•pressuring you to send sexual texts and images of yourself
•someone sharing any sexual text and images of you with their mates
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Overview
Discussion guide
Sexual exploitation (adapted from CEOP’s Thinkuknow website)7
This ‘young person friendly’ explanation of child sexual exploitation and its warning
signs can be used within a session on abuse in relationships and as a way of
introducing young people to the Thinkuknow website (www.thinkuknow.co.uk).
Some people form relationships with young people to use them for sex.
People who do this want young people to think they are a friend, or a boyfriend or
girlfriend. They want to gain their trust to get power over them. They might also use
bribes, threats, humiliation and even violence to get power over them.
They use that power to force them to have sex, or do sexual things, with them and
sometimes with other people. This is sexual exploitation and it’s a crime.
It happens to boys and girls and can be really hard to spot. Often people think they’re
in a good relationship, even after things have turned bad.
But there are warning signs. It’s really important that you know how to spot them so
you can protect yourself and your friends.
Met someone new? 5 signs they are not all they seem
It can be hard to spot when someone is using you. Here are some possible signs:
1. To get to know you they give you lots of attention.
We all like attention and it’s nice to feel wanted. But if someone tries to get to know
by giving you lots of attention, ask yourself – what do they really want?
2. They give you gifts, like phone credit, alcohol, drugs or jewellery.
This can be exciting and make you feel good about someone but if they want sex in
return they are trying to exploit you.
3. They try to isolate you from your friends or family.
They will say that they are the only person you need. They might tell you that your
friends or family won’t understand or you’ll be in trouble. Remember, the people
who care about you will want to protect you.
4. They have mood swings.
If someone flips between being ‘very nice’ and ‘very nasty’, you can feel like you
need to do things to keep them happy. This can be a sign they are trying to control
you.
5. They control you with promises and threats.
Abusers use many tricks to control young people. They may make promises they
can’t keep, ask them to keep secrets or threaten them. Some become violent.
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7
https://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/14_plus/Need-advice/Sexual-exploitation/
Overview
Discussion guide
Resource D - Further sources of help for young people
Direct teenagers to the ‘Disrespect NoBody’ campaign website for advice or help on
healthy and abusive relationships www.disrespectnobody.co.uk. All the organisations
listed below are signposted on the website but you can also print this page and hand
out to the young people. If handing out the list, do not make taking one optional, as
young people may not wish to be seen taking one if others aren’t.
Childline
Childline provides free confidential advice and support for all young people up to
19 years old. Whatever your worry, Childline counsellors are here to help. Speak
to them by phone, online or email 24 hours a day.
A video is available online so you can see what happens when you call Childline,
which you can view on the Childline website. You’ll speak to someone who takes
your details and puts you through to a counsellor. The number won’t appear on
any bill (landline and mobile).
Tel: 0800 1111
Website: www.childline.org.uk
Childline also has a free app called Zipit. If you’re feeling uncomfortable when
someone’s trying to get you to send them naked images of yourself, Zipit helps
you take control of the situation with killer comebacks to flirty chat. You can
access the app on the Childline website here: https://www.childline.org.uk/Play/
GetInvolved/Pages/sexting-zipit-app.aspx
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Overview
Discussion guide
National Domestic Violence Helpline
If you are a girl who is experiencing domestic violence, or has experienced it in
the past, the National Domestic Violence Helpline can support you. The Helpline
is staffed by fully-trained female support workers who can provide confidential,
non-judgmental emotional support and information on a range of issues – from
reporting to the police, to accessing local services in your area. All calls are
completely confidential. You can also call them if you are worried about a friend or
someone you know.
The Helpline number will not show up on BT landline phone bills. If you have
another service provider, you’ll need to check with their customer services team
whether the number will be visible on your bill.
Calls are free from landlines, but other mobile services providers may charge.
Tel: 0808 2000 247
Website: www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk
Live Fear Free
If you are experiencing domestic abuse or sexual violence and live in Wales,
you can contact the Live Fear Free Helpline. The Helpline provides a bilingual
information service that helps and guides people who are victims of abuse, and
are in need of information or access to support services. This service is also
available to those who are worried about a friend or relative and need advice.
All calls are confidential and are taken by highly experienced staff. You can find out
more about what happens when you call the helpline on the website.
Calls are free from landlines and most mobiles, and will not show up on your
phone bill. Some mobile networks may charge for calls to our helpline, contact
your network for more information.
Freephone 24 hours: 0808 8010 800
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.gov.wales/livefearfree
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Overview
Discussion guide
Rape Crisis
If you are a girl who has experienced rape, sexual abuse or sexual assault you can
get help, information and support from trained female support workers via their
helpline. They will also be able to tell you details of your nearest support services.
They also provide information for partners, family, friends and other people who
are supporting a survivor of sexual violence. You can get more information at
their website.
Freephone: 0808 8029999 (12pm–2:30pm / 7pm–9:30pm every day)
Website: www.rapecrisis.org.uk
Survivors UK
If you are a boy and have experienced rape or sexual assault you can get help and
advice from specialists in the field of male sexual violence who have helped many
men to work through their experiences.
You can phone them or use their web chat service which allows you to have a
confidential one-to-one chat with a trained professional.
Web chat: access via their website (Mon-Fri 10:30am–9pm
and Sat-Sun 10:00am-6pm)
SMS chat: 020 3322 1860
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.survivorsuk.org
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Overview
Discussion guide
Galop
Galop provides emotional and practical support for all lesbian, gay, bisexual or
transgender (LGBT) people experiencing domestic or relationship abuse. The
helpline is run by trained LGBT people and provides a space where you can talk
through what is going on and explore your options. You can call them on their
helpline, or via email.
0800 999 5428 (free phone from landline and some
mobile providers)
Or
0300 999 5428 (billed as 01 and 02 landline numbers and may be
included in mobile packages)
Opening times:
10am – 8pm Monday
10am – 5pm Tuesday (1pm-5pm Tuesday is a trans-specific service)
10am – 5pm Wednesday
10am – 8pm Thursday
1pm – 5pm Friday
Outside of these hours, you can ring and request a call back
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.galop.org.uk
Respect Phoneline
If you are abusing your partner, you can stop and get help to change your
behaviour. There are trained advisors who can provide help and support to men
or women who are abusing their partners.
Freephone: 0808 802 4040 (Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm)
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.respectphoneline.org.uk
Webchat available
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Overview
Discussion guide
The Men's Advice Line
If you are a boy who is experiencing abuse, or have in the past, you can speak to
trained advisors who provide support specifically for men experiencing violence
from their partners, and who can offer you emotional support and practical
advice. All calls are confidential.
Helpline:0808 801 0327 (free from landlines and most
mobile phones)
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.mensadviceline.org.uk
Webchat available
Brook
Brook has clinical services in England, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Jersey. All
our services provide free and confidential sexual health advice, contraception,
pregnancy testing, and screening and treatment for sexually transmitted
infections. To find your nearest service visit brook.org.uk/find-a-service
If you have questions about your sexual health or relationships right now, go to
brook.org.uk/ask-brook for all the answers.
Website: www.brook.org.uk
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Overview
Discussion guide
CEOP (Thinkuknow programme)
If someone has asked you to do things online that you don’t feel comfortable
with, it may be talking about sex, asking you to send nude photos of yourself,
or pressuring you to meet in real life you can report this directly to CEOP using
their online reporting form - www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre by clicking on
their online CEOP ‘report it’ button. Following a report to CEOP, you will be
contacted by a Child Protection Advisor who will work with you to make a plan
to keep you safe. You can also report to CEOP if you are worried about a friend,
or someone you know.
Website: www.thinkuknow.co.uk
Southall Black Sisters
If you are a woman or child who is Asian, African-Caribbean or other minority,
and you are experiencing domestic or sexual violence (including forced marriage,
dowry abuse and honour crimes). Southall Black Sisters provides information,
advice, advocacy, practical help, counselling and support in English, Hindi, Punjabi,
Gujarati and Urdu (Interpreters are used for other languages).
Helpline: 0208 571 0800 (Monday – Friday 9.30am – 4.30pm)
General enquiries: 0208 571 9595 (Monday – Friday 9am – 5pm)
Both lines closed from12.30pm to 1.30pm for lunch
Website: www.southallblacksisters.org.uk
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Overview
Discussion guide
IKWRO (The Iranian and Kurdish
Women's Rights Organisation)
If you are a female from a Middle Eastern, North African or Afghan community,
IKWRO can help you if you are at risk of “honour” based violence, forced
marriage, female genital mutilation and violence. They provide confidential
advice, advocacy and make referrals to ensure needs are met as well as offering
professional individual and group counselling. They speak Farsi, Arabic, Kurdish,
Dari, Pashto, Turkish and English.
Tel: 0207 920 6460 (Farsi/ Dari/ Turkish) (Mon to Fri 9.30-5.30)
24 hours out-of-hours emergencies:
07846 275 246 (Arabic/ Kurdish)
07846 310157 (Farsi/Dari/Turkish)
Website: www.ikwro.org.uk
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Overview
Discussion guide
SAFELINE
Safeline provide a range of services to support men in working through their
experiences, including free online and telephone counselling. Safeline has over 20
years’ experience in working with rape and sexual abuse and our research shows
that the clients we work with report a significant improvement in their mental
health and wellbeing, enabling them to regain control of their lives and play a
more active role within their communities.
Call, SMS, IM or email the team for a confidential chat with a trained professional.
Phone:
Helpline: 0808 800 5005
Text chat: 0786 002 7573
Opening times:
10:00 – 16:00 Monday and Friday
08:00 – 20:00 Tuesday and Thursday
10:00 – 12:00 Saturday
Online:
www.safeline.org.uk/men/ (webchat available)
[email protected]
NHS CHOICES
The NHS Choices website has information, advice and help for young people
advice on mental health problems including depression, anxiety and stress.
Website: http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/youth-mental-health/pages/
Youth-mental-health-help.aspx
There are a variety of national and regional sources of help and advice available to
young people affected by abuse or those supporting them, you may be aware of local
services in your area which you can also signpost to the young people.
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Overview
Discussion guide
Resource E - Crimes within the Sexual Offences Act 2003
Rape
Rape is classified as penetration by the penis of somebody’s vagina, anus or mouth,
without their consent.
(Consent is someone giving permission or agreeing to something, after they have
thought carefully about whether or not they want to do something).
Rape can be committed against men or women, but since it involves penile penetration
it is only committed by men.
Assault by penetration
It is an offence to penetrate the anus or vagina of someone else with any part of the
body or with an object, if the penetration is sexual and if the person does not consent.
Sexual assault
This law covers any kind of intentional sexual touching of somebody else without their
consent. It includes touching any part of their body, clothed or unclothed, either with
your body or with an object.
Causing a person to engage in a sexual activity without consent
This law covers any kind of sexual activity without consent. For instance, it would
apply to a woman who forces a man to penetrate her, or an abuser who makes their
victim engage in masturbation.
Administering a substance with intent
This law makes it a separate offence to give someone any substance – for instance
spiking their drink – without their consent, and with the intention of stupefying them
so that sexual activity can take place. In this instance, sexual activity could include
stripping someone or taking pornographic photos of them. Someone can be charged
with this offence on top of any separate charge for rape or sexual assault. They can
also be charged when the intended sexual activity did not take place, for instance when
someone sees what is going on and intervenes to stop it.
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Overview
Discussion guide
Other ‘intent’ offences
Two laws – ’committing an offence with intent’ and ’trespass with intent’ – cover
situations where abusers commit one offence (such as violence, trespass, or detaining
someone against their will) with the intention of then committing a sexual offence.
Other offences
Other offences under the Act include exposure (or ’flashing’), voyeurism, sex in public
toilets, and sex with animals or with corpses. Voyeurism is a new offence which applies
to watching people without their consent when they are involved in private acts. It
includes setting up, viewing or recording people through electronic equipment such as
webcams or cameras.
There are also important sections of the Act which deal with prostitution and
trafficking, and with sexual offences against people with mental disorders, including
learning disabilities.
Coercive controlling behaviour offence
Coercive or controlling behaviour does not relate to a single incident, it is a purposeful
pattern of incidents that occur over time in order for one individual to exert power,
control or coercion over another. It is a pattern of abuse, which takes place over time,
and perpetrated within a context of power and control intended to subjugate the
victim.
This new offence under the Serious Crime Act 2015, focuses responsibility and
accountability on the perpetrator who has chosen to carry out these behaviours and
carries a maximum 5 years in prison, a fine, or both.
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Overview
Discussion guide
Resource F - Further resources for partners
More information and resources are available for teachers on the PSHE Association
website www.pshe-association.org.uk. These include:
• The PSHE Association Programme of Study:
www.pshe-association.org.uk/programmeofstudy
• PSHE Guidance on producing the school’s sex and relationships Education
policy: https://www.pshe-association.org.uk/draftingsrepolicyguidance
• Joint PSHE Association, Brook and Sex Education Forum guidance – SRE for the
21st Century: www.pshe-association.org.uk/SREadvice
• PSHE Association guidance on teaching about consent at key stages 3 and 4:
http://www.pshe-association.org.uk/consent
Further resources which were developed with Women’s Aid and AVA are available to
download on the Home Office website:
Expect Respect: a toolkit for addressing teenage relationship abuse in key stages 3, 4
and 5: https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/
file/97773/teen-abuse-toolkit.pdf
Women’s Aid have also published a leaflet for parents to help them talk to their
children about relationship abuse: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/controllingbehaviour-in-relationships-coercive-control/
CEOP have created a short film entitled ‘Exposed’, as part of their ‘Thinkuknow’
programme, about a young girl who sends naked pictures to her boyfriend. To
download the film and accompanying resource pack, visit: thinkuknow.co.uk/teachers
This is Abuse: summary report of the development and evaluation of the campaign:
www.gov.uk/government/publications/this-is-abuse-summary-report
Online abuse and bullying prevention guide
This guide has been developed for professionals who work with young people, to help
them understand what constitutes abusive behaviour online, the consequences of that
behaviour, and where they can get help. The guide applies to professionals working in
England and Wales.
www.gov.uk/government/publications/online-abuse-and-bullying-prevention-guide
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