INSIDE
DHARMA
The Buddhist Newsletter Serving the Inmate and Ex-offender Sangha
"If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is tied
up with mine, then let us work together." -- Lilla Watson, Aboriginal activist
Volume XIV Issue V
How do we deal with people
we don’t like?
Brad Perkins
GCC
Hillsboro, IL
In this environment it is easy to run into
people who may rub me the wrong way or do things
that I do not care for. When feelings of dislike arise I
try to examine why they are there, what it is that my
fellow sentient being has done to cause this reaction.
Is it showing a characteristic I do not care for in
myself, is that why my reaction is so strong? Is my
view of the situation a fair and balanced one or is my
perspective wrong?
I try to send loving kindness thoughts that
person’s way and to be as kind as possible if I have to
deal with them directly. I remember that this other
being is suffering and chances are he/she is not as
fortunate as I am in knowing a path away from
suffering. I cannot control this other being, I can only
control my reaction in the moment.
I also remember that this is all impermanent
and will pass like everything else. I learn a lot dealing
with these situations. I contemplate on who is feeling
this dislike in the first place.
Consider The Undeserving
Christopher Peregory SRCI Milton FL
Let me start by saying that I don’t have a very
consistent formal practice. I find it very difficult to
maintain a daily sitting practice, study and sobriety for
more than a month or so at a time. I’ve yet to find the
middle path between trying too hard and not at all.
That being said, one practice I come back to
time and again is Compassion. One of the two “wings”
of enlightenment, the other being wisdom. I try to
make Compassion my main practice, to keep it in
mind as much as possible and to pray to Bodhisattva
Avalokitesvara and Buddha Chenrezig to help me
become as they are, exemplars of Compassion. I
occasionally do Tong-Len and Metta meditations and
as often as possible try to practice Compassion with
my actions.
But what I really want to talk about is
Compassion for those people that are often
considered undeserving of it.
Recently we experienced the worst mass
murder in America in history; a brutal act of terrorism,
hatred and self-centeredness. When I think of all the
Sept-Oct 2016
lives lost, the pain of injuries and loss, the fear and
anger felt by the survivors and community members I
almost cry, and I never cry. These people all deserve
the outpouring of Compassion and kindness that’s
been shown them.
But the teachings say that everyone deserves
Compassion and this is the most difficult practice.
How can I feel Compassion for the man who
slaughtered forty-nine and injured fifty-three? I can,
though, when I imagine the hatred he must have been
carrying and remembering my own discomfort in
hatred, when I imagine the immense amount of
negative karma he incurred and that most likely he will
spend much time in hell tortured by demons.
When I think of the harm he did to himself by
action sprung from a deluded mind I start to feel sorry
for him, feel Compassion for him. In no way does this
mean I then excuse his actions or take something
away from the victims This also reminds me of one of
my motivations to achieve enlightenment which is to
help end all beings’ pain, even a terrorist’s.
To bring this rant back to Mr. Lupo’s assigned
topic, this practice helps me with the struggles of life
when I apply the same to people who cause me, or
those close to me, suffering. And when Compassion
comes, hatred and anger tend to fade away.
Sometimes it doesn’t always work as well as I wish it
would but I know there’s a cumulative effect that gets
better and more reliable results with time and practice.
This practice has helped me get control of my mind
instead of stewing in anger and from developing
hatred towards others. Also it reminds me to do the
other practices in my repertoire such as mindfulness,
generosity, and observance of the precepts as I’m
working for the liberation of that person causing me
suffering as well as my own.
I want to leave you with a plea to have
compassion for our venerable editor and send in
submissions. Mr. Lupo works hard for us and its time
we carried a bit of our own weight. There were only
three submissions printed in the last issue! Come on!
This is your Sangha, please participate.
Instead what this does is help open my
heart to the suffering of all beings, even
those who cause suffering in the first
place, and all beings do.
The Other Side Of The Stream
Meditating Me
By Matthew Grier JAU Iowa Park, Tx.
By Trent Glad
I’ve been dealing with a lot of this “not liking
behaviors of others”. Prison is full of people it’s difficult
for me to even consider human. “People” who have a
complete disregard for social security and the thought
and feelings of others and the sanctity of human rights
and dignity; unless it’s their own; People who
habitually prey on weakness and only respond to pain.
My dislike for their behavior isn’t ill-will, its compassion
for their victims, for them.
It hasn’t always been like that. I’m in prison
because I’m a monster. I murdered one of these
monsters who act like this. At least I imagined he was
one. Really, I just preyed on weakness. I can’t say I
don’t ever feel ill-will, but Buddha’s teachings and
practice is helping me overcome the passion the
feelings that led me to do what I DID. In a big way I’ve
come to see that the root of our suffering – my
aversion and their behavior, is selfishness.
When I first encountered the Second Noble
Truth (The truth of the cause of suffering) I felt my first
emancipation. When Buddha told me that my own
desire, craving, was the cause of my suffering I was
immediately relieved. I could see why people act the
way we do, and why I hate it. We all just want to be
happy and free from pain. The First Noble Truth states
that suffering is the 5 clinging aggregates – form,
feelings, perception, conception and consciousness –
or the self; in other words, self-ishness. Relinquishing
this clinging (selfishness) is freedom. Renunciation is
part of Right Intention. How much have each of us
renounced ourselves? All around and within the storm
of Sankhara rages: consciousness, thoughts and
feeling, all the phenomena of the physical universe
and the push and pull of positive and negative forces.
Having not renounced the world to the Buddha’s full
instruction – as a lay follower – I still suffer the winds
because of clinging.
But it’s Master Siddhartha Gautama that helps
calm the storm; him and his teachings. The Dhamma
pada is brim full of wisdom that helps me with these
feelings. Another practice that helps is Altruistic Joy.
For some reason, I don’t know why, cultivating joy for
my enemies helps when loving-kindness and
compassion fail. I read the words of Buddha and
practice for renunciation, for selflessness. Yet I’m still
clinging, still shaken at times. Have I even put one foot
in the stream?
I spoke with a victim of crimes, she told me of
two Buddhist monks who came upon a woman who
wanted to cross the stream but couldn’t swim. These
two had taken a vow to never touch a woman. But one
monk helped her. Further along the journey the other
monk asked: “why did you break your vow?” The wise
reply: “I left her on the other side of the stream, you
should too.” The victim told me she left her resentment
on the other side of the stream. I should too.
Who am I
Without context all around me,
Without the causes of this life?
Who am I
But a composite of my parts?
Where if you take just one away
I am not me.
And yet because of this self
I name me,
I feel afflictions of pain
And suffer without bounds,
When I’m at the center of the world.
Not knowing my own emptiness,
Of freeing my mind of me,
I am samsara.
But an inner Buddha nature calls
Out to my visible self,
So that by letting go
Of this self
All suffering will drop away,
Leaving just this brightly shining mind
With a clear light awareness
Of perfect understanding.
Wisdom Of A Sage
Rev. Kalen McAllister,
Founder and Spiritual Director
of Shinzo Sangha & Cofounder of Inside Dharma
Story copied from the book
"The Holy Man" by Susan Trott
Holy Man
Word spread across the countryside about the wise
Holy Man who lived in a small house atop the
mountain. A man from the village decided to make the
long and difficult journey to visit him.
When he arrived at the house, he saw an old servant
inside who greeting him at the door.
“I would like to see the wise Holy Man,” he said to the
servant.
The servant smiled and led him inside. As they walked
through the house, the man from the village looked
eagerly around the house, anticipating his encounter
with the Holy Man.
Before he knew it, he had been led to the back door
and escorted outside. He stopped and turned to the
servant,
“But I want to see the Holy Man!”
“You already have,” said the old man. “Everyone you
may meet in life, even if they appear plain and
insignificant… see each of them as a wise Holy Man. If
you do this, then whatever problem you brought here
today will be solved.”
Everyone is The Holy Man, even those we don't like.
And usually the reason people we don't like or can't
get along with is that we have traits that are similar to
them. So, first, we must view ourselves as "Holy Men
or Holy Women".
On Not Returning The
Finger
By Will Holcomb
Shinzo Zen Meditation Center
St. Louis, Mo.
aversion, or anger toward anyone. Then when these
feeling inevitably arise, we can feel bad about
ourselves.
The following verse is from a classic
translation of sayings the Buddha by Caroline Rhys
Davids. I enjoy the archaic language but it may take a
couple readings.
"Worse of the two is he who, when reviled,
Reviles again. Who doth not when reviled,
Revile again, a two-fold victory wins.
Both of the other and himself he seeks
The good; for he the other's angry mood
Doth understand and groweth calm and still.
He who of both is a physician, since
Himself he healeth and the other too —
Folk deem him a fool, they knowing not the Norm."
The other day I was
driving home on a busy
congested street.
Someone
seemed to trying to get out of a parking place by
backing into the traffic lane. I stopped and waited for
Monthly Buddhist Column
him. But he kept backing up. I was concerned he was
Lama Chuck Stanford
going to run into the front of my car so I tapped the
(Lama Changchup Konchok Dorje)
horn. Just a tap. The car stopped backing up. The
Rime Buddhist Center
driver pulled forward into the traffic lane, and as he did
so, turned around and gave me the finger. There was
Question: What does "bliss"
the opportunity to return the gesture. I didn’t feel
mean
in
your faith?
inclined to do so. But there was a little burst of anger
Answer:
All beings experience some
as he pulled away.
form
of
bliss.
Even animals
Then, as I continued down the street, I tried to
experience
pleasure
and
bliss.
The
problem is that
figure out what had just happened. He may have
most
of
the
bliss
we
experience
is
"conditional"
bliss,
interpreted my tap on the horn as an expression of
that
is,
it
is
generated
in
response
to
some
object
of
impatience and irritation at the delay. Or he may have
pleasure.
For
example
there
is
the
bliss
of
looking
at
been offended that I didn’t credit him with the skill not
beautiful
objects
or
hearing
beautiful
sounds.
We
to back into me. In any case, anger arose and he
might experience the bliss of beautiful fragrances,
immediately expressed it. It occurred to me what a
tastes, and touches. This could include the bliss of
difficult and dangerous place the world must be for a
food or physical sensations. However the one thing all
person who responds
of these "conditional" blisses have in
so strongly to such a
common is that they are impermanent But
it’s
what
we
do
with
whatever
minor incident.
It
none of them last. All of these are quite
must be painful. And
different from the Buddhist form of "noncomes
up
that
is
the
practice.
Our
it occurred to me that
conditional" bliss.
all I know about him is
Intentional response, in word and
From the Buddhist perspective,
that one gesture, not
enlightenment
is the combination of bliss
the larger context of
action,
is
the
field
of
play.
and
emptiness.
Not emptiness alone or
his life, how he grew
bliss
alone,
but
both
combined. The bliss
up, whether he had
that
the
Buddha
experienced
upon
enlightenment was
had a fight with his girlfriend that morning. As I
non-conditional
and
therefore
was
non-fading. In
considered these things, the burst of anger faded,
other words, the bliss the Buddha experienced was
replaced by curiosity and not knowing. I wouldn’t want
not the result of external causes but rather was
to have this guy over for dinner, but I didn’t need to
inherent, permanent and everlasting.
hate him either.
Conversely, conditional bliss is contaminated
Ajahn Sumedho recounts in his book, The
with
feelings
of craving, desire and attachment. These
Mind and the Way, an interaction with one of his
usually
arise
from being near the object of our desire.
students on the topic of metta (the Buddhist word for
This
type
of
conditional
bliss is in reality a cause of
and attitude of kindness). The student said, “I have
suffering
because
it
is
contaminated
with ignorance.
trouble feeling metta for a certain person. Sometimes
Cravings,
desires
and
attachments
that
originate in
I just want to hit her. Sometimes I just want to do her
our
mind
are
the
source
of
our
suffering.
The
Buddha
in. I can’t feel metta for anybody like that and it’s
taught
that
through
the
practice
of
meditation
we can
driving me crazy!” Sumehdo said, “But you haven’t hit
eliminate
the
clinging
and
grasping
of
our
mind.
And
her yet, and you haven’t killed her, have you?” She
that
each
of
us
possess
"Buddha-nature"
the
potential
responded, “No.” He replied, “Then you are practicing
for enlightenment - a bliss that is permanent and nonmetta. It’s as simple as that.”
fading.
Sometimes Buddhist practitioners think they
should hold to a standard of never feeling dislike,
How does your practice help with the
struggles of life?
Jeff Ward HDSP Susanville, CA
I’m very new to the study of Buddhism.
However, I’ve briefly studied most of the world’s
“religions” and I’ve found that Buddhism is closest to
my inner truth. Thus, the more I commit myself to a
positive life style, the more I’m pulled towards
Buddhist practice
In prison my struggles are many. May it be
personal struggles such as securing my basic
necessities, or my emotions when they get to low
points.
Plus there are constant stresses from
situations with staff or program changes. Then you
also have hundreds of grown men walking around with
something to prove, full of ego.
My practice when any of the number of things
feels like it is getting to be too much to deal with is to
go inside my cell. I get it as quiet as possible and try
to find some inner peace. Whatever it may be that is
bothering me, I realize that it is not that important, and
let it go. Sometimes that’s easier said than done.
What I ask myself is, “can it harm me if I let it go?”
Usually the answer is “no”, and then it becomes easy.
Something Dom said recently that really hit
home with me was, “I try to reach out and help others
knowing my liberation is tied up with those around
me”. Over my years of incarceration, which has been
10 years now, I’ve come to realize one of the most
liberating and fulfilling things I can do is help one of
my fellow human beings. This can come in the form of
many things: food or hygiene products, counsel,
simple kindness, and what I most enjoy, trying to
change people’s perspective on their own lives so they
can live a new and positive life.
It’s a hard mission, but I run self-help groups
in every building on the yard, the main one being
G.O.G.I. which stands for “Getting Out by Going In”
which has many Buddhist qualities. We focus on
getting out of our old mental prisons by going in to find
the power of our self to see life in a new positive light.
In
the
practice
I
also
see
the
interconnectiveness between all human beings, how
our choices and decisions directly affect both people
and many others around us. When I first started off
really trying to help people I thought, “It’s going to be
cool to help lift these people up”. In doing so I didn’t
think in the process that I would be lifted up even
more. This realization was very powerful.
If you think about it, when you do something
that makes your environment a better place it frees up
and creates new and more opportunities for growth. If
I help make this yard a safer and more positive place
everybody has a better chance at growing in a positive
way. All of our choices positive and negative have a
ripple effect that continues outward into the universe.
My practice is to make them positive ripples which
carry away the struggles of life.
Thank you for reading. I hope everyone is
able to find inner peace where ever you may find
yourself.
Accepting That They Are Different
By William Jones FCIBS Big Springs, Tx.
How do I deal with people I don’t like? I
accept that they are different from me, with their own
personal reasons and/or dilemmas /illusions to deal
with. At least that’s what I’d like to say. But, I have
my own reasons, dilemmas, and delusions to deal
with. What I can say is that I have many inspirations
to help me to look beyond myself and issues. Friends,
yes, even in prison, that tell me to be the bigger man,
and a Sangha like this one, to show me what’s
possible, and help me achieve it.
Typically, I avoid people I don’t like, but I don’t
shun them unless they have seriously physically
injured me. I also tend to forgive them regardless of
the actions. But, while I might turn the other cheek I
do keep my eyes open to see the blow coming. But, I
feel it’s better to give them the chance and find they
really are what I thought then to shut myself off
completely. I will also say that I almost always make
my decisions based off the actual person and their
actions, not my perceptions of the person alone,
mainly because my initial evaluations can be wrong.
Of course, all that being said, I’d be willing to
offer help to any one, friend or not, enemy or not. I’d
listen to their problems and offer my actual advice, be
polite and courteous; whether they accept those things
or not is up to them; but I am willing regardless. I
suppose what I’m saying is that I let them be
themselves. Not intruding upon them in any way,
while patiently waiting to see if they need anything
from me. Sort of like a doormat (ha, ha). But I’d
rather be used (help someone for no benefit at all)
than deny anyone in need in any way.
OK, entry over. Hope this is readable/usable.
I did say I’d try to actually get involved more, and I felt
that I at least knew something about the topic, even if
I’m nowhere near as enlightened as the rest of the
guys what write in. As always, thanks for the
newsletter, it’s a big help.
This Is All Impermanent
By Brad Perkins GCC Hillsboro, IL.
In this environment it is easy to run into
people who may rub you the wrong way or do things
that I do not care for. When feelings of dislike arise I
try to examine why they are there, what is it that my
fellow sentient being has done to cause this reaction.
Is it showing a characteristic I do not care for in
myself, is that why my reaction is so strong? Is my
view of the situation a fair and balanced one or is my
perspective wrong?
I try to send loving kindness thoughts that
persons way and be as kind as possible if I have to
deal with them directly. I remember that this other
being is suffering and chances are he/she is not as
fortunate as I am in knowing a path away from
suffering. I cannot control this other being. I can only
control my reaction in the moment.
I also remember that this is all impermanent
and will pass like everything else. I learn a lot dealing
with these situations. I contemplate on who is feeling
this dislike in the first place.
Not Becoming A Person I Don’t Like
By Matthew Christianson JCDC Kansas City, MO
How to deal with people we don’t like is a
simple problem even while being complex. The
simple solution is to avoid the person you don’t like.
Avoid and ignore. However, much that seems simple
also becomes complicated by complexity and this is
no exception. There are times we can’t simply avoid
and ignore people we dislike due to our environment
and situation.
I am in a situation where a fellow inmate next
to me is rude, disrespectful, loud and belligerent. He
is in his 60s, quite feeble, yet is quick to yell at and
threaten anyone at any time. My initial response is to
respond in kind and possibly force an issue. But then
I am reminded of something. If I act like him, then I
am becoming a person I don’t like. This is not
acceptable to me at all. Throughout life there are
people we won’t like, sometimes based on a feeling,
or past events or current events.
I am new to Buddhism but my understanding
is that we are all together as we journey through each
life, ever striving to reach enlightenment. I believe that
if we cannot accept others as they are and treat them
with both respect and kindness than enlightenment
will continue to elude us. It’s not about what they have
done or might do, but about who we are when dealing
with people we don’t like.
A Wonderful Thing
By Lavon Richmond BCC Bridgeport, Tx
Well, I tried several different churches and
religions after growing up in a deeply conservative
Pentecostal church. I spent my whole life wondering
and searching, hiding and running. I spent my whole
life looking for a quick fix. Then I was given a book on
Zen inner peace. I began to look inside of myself for
answers and began to look at what was wrong with
me instead of what was wrong with everyone around
me. I began to face my problems head-on and deal
with them instead of running from them. I learned that
every second of every day is to be treated as a
spiritual journey.
I look for the solution to my
problems/issues inside myself now. I used to be so
bitter and angry inside and raging at the world.
Zen has made me sit down and step back. I
learned to remove all the layers of bricks I had built up
around my heart and soul. I fixed me and stopped
hiding behind everyone else’s faults. I realized that
the only true way to make this world a better place is
to become a better person. I can make the world a
more peaceful place by showing gentleness,
kindness, compassion and peace to one person at a
time. This in turn will cause a chain reaction. It only
takes a smile or a “how are you?”, or even a single
word like “hello” to brighten someone’s day and enrich
their lives. Even in a place like this a smile goes a
very long way! I now have a calmness and peace
inside that I cannot begin to describe in words. I
began my life struggling and fighting to stay alive
physically all the while spiritually dead. Now I have a
light inside and realize violence is not the answer to
anything and inner peace can be achieved.
Thank you, and breathe deeply
Ending The Circle Of Hate
By Shaun McLendon WMCC Cameron, Mo.
My practice is daily, has been for almost ten
years of eleven in D.O.C. There has not been any
active Buddhist groups at the camps I’ve been to.
That being said, knowledge of Zen has been through
what literature could be found in various chapel library
collections. Red Pine’s translation of Bodhidharma’s
Zen teachings has been read several times but no
Dogen or Thich Nhat Hanh has been available.
“Essential Buddhist Teachings” I received from you
was appreciated tremendously and extremely helpful.
The lack of any actual instruction and no idea of what
actual school what I’ve learned is from leads to a
belief my practice is flawed and hindered by these
issues. Any wisdom you may have would be very
welcome.
I sit twice a day, same times, and investigate
thoughts and feelings had with “why?. The answers
seem complicated now and then, or not understood
and remaining issues. I have no one to ask for an
educated opinions about it. Ten years has been
difficult this way with very limited funds preventing
regular correspondence with anyone with questions,
lack of stamps and writing materials. Hygiene items
take most of my state tip, prices have gone up quite a
bit. I’ve just let things go as it goes, acting accordingly
when needed as closely as I can to the Eightfold Path
and Five Precepts. The vows recited daily also
reinforce being very mindful of word and deed moment
to moment, to remain peaceful regardless of the
circumstances or changes and always aware of
interconnectedness and karma. I’m sure there’s
missing pieces that the lack of knowledge has omitted,
and compassion, lovingkindness are still not entirely
maintained in respect to all sentient beings as it
should be. Many years spent very reclusive and
antisocial, extremely uncaring about others as a whole
has been and still is, a large obstacle not eliminated.
It is so automatic that it has to be caught and crushed
constantly, daily. I was cold, calculating, and all about
“self”. Tending still to not foster much contact with
others, a comfortable habit, remains another ongoing
issue. “Just stop” is proving difficult to be consistent
with.
There’s much work to do, that’s obvious. After
the years of practice it seems that some areas lacking
would be more developed and readily occurring. A
huge, messy and deluded mind in the extreme was,
and maybe still is, what became, an on-going battle
every moment, when the Dharma slowly was realized
to be showing me why suffering was so much a
constant companion in this life. Previous lives I
imagine have been void of Dharma and practice, more
than likely with much Karma created. Most of this life
has been as such.
All that has been stated thus far is not “poor
me” related feeling based, it is an overall concern that
my on-going lack of eliminating the defilements
mentioned is a failure that affects us all. The effort is
put forth but the mind crushing mind has been
effective only for the moments the thought or idea
comes up, not really steady for prevention on an
ongoing basis. Racism, hate, these two are powerful
opponents to me that come hard and often. Knowing
they’re poisons and being rid of them is an actual
problem. Being rid of them altogether, any wisdom is
welcome and appreciated. Growing up in the rural
south included hardcore hate and racism among my
families on both parents’ sides for blacks, Hispanics,
non-whites pretty much, and whites that associated
with or joined in unions with any of them. The
discrimination also runs deep against drug users and
gang affiliated individuals and homosexuals also.
Prison is not lacking these folks and keeps the ideas
against them coming to mind without end. No action,
only thought. Ending the entire circle of it seems like
an impossibility.
Thank you for the newsletter you send without fail to
us all. You are a blessing to the offender Sangha.
Your efforts are deeply appreciated. With a humble
bow,
We are what we think.
All that we are arises
with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we
make our world.
Buddha
How To Deal With People
We Don’t Like
By Anonymous
NHSPM Concord, NH
It’s not that I don’t like them; I just don’t like
the things that they do. I’m still developing as a
person, learning along the way with still much to learn
about myself. I would prefer to think the same of
others. I would not want to behave in a way to
discomfort others and believe that others feel the
same about themselves too.
We all are not at the same stage of personal
development. If we were, wouldn’t we all better
effectively communicate with each other?
There is a story that I vaguely remember
about not hating the stick. (perhaps if anyone could
properly reiterate the story…) That should I get struck
with a stick, it’s not he sticks fault. There are causes
and conditions that led me getting struck with the stick
– the stick is like a by-product of those causes and
conditions. Such as how I am today, at this moment –
ignorant of so many things in my “reality” and perhaps
tomorrow I will be less so – until other causes and
conditions effect me so.
Others downfall in “social etiquette” is a byproduct of their causes and conditioning and many, it
seems, are acting out of fear and/or pain.
I try not to take things too personally and to
not have a reason to advance and defend my ego –
unless it is necessary to do so. For me, being unduly
critical of others is a form of re“I”fying my ego. If I can
be mindful enough to catch this and let it go, there is
then space in which to have compassion for this other
person… because we both share the same suffering.
Editor’s Notes
Dom Lupo - Inside Dharma Editor
My fellow Sangha members, can you believe
we are coming up to the last issue of the year.
Hopefully the newsletter has helped to make it an
quicker/easier year to go through. So much has
happened this last year in my life, both good and bad;
though I try very hard not to even look at thing
anymore as good and bad; it’s hard though not to. We
all have thing happen in our lives that bring us to this
present moment and in each moment we are all
presented with a choice. We can choice this or that
and whatever we choose moves us forward in the next
moment which presents itself with another choice; our
live are not accidental.
I recently was trying to obtain an insurance
license. I took the test and passed it on the first try
which I was told was really good. Then I made
application to the state to get the license knowing I
would be turned down due to my conviction. But I also
knew that there were other ex-offenders who had
gotten their licenses. I was denied and appealed and
denied again. I started to worry a bit because the last
step was to request a hearing. I didn’t know anyone
who had to go through this process and with some
reservations I sent off the certified letter requesting a
hearing.
I found out quickly that process was a legal
formal hearing and the Department of Insurance’s
attorneys sent me 32 pages of discovery questions.
The questions dealt mainly with my case and I was
being to have flashbacks of when I first was brought
up on charges. It was quite horrifying for me. I started
answering each question with as much detail as I
could and after about the 10th or 12th question I started
feeling a little abused. What did this have to do with
selling insurance? For purposes of full discloser, I
have a sex offense and have gone through two
mandatory treatment programs. With my application I
sent a letter from a therapist stating that I was neither
a pedophile nor a predator and that I was not a rick to
the community in any way. I couldn’t understand why
this wasn’t enough for them. And when it came to
evidence to support what I was telling them I had
none. There was nothing submitted to the courts
because I took a plea deal, so we offered no defense.
My side of what happened never made it into the
official court records. Any evidence I would have had
would have been on the computer that was
confiscated back in 2004. So I had nothing but my
word, the therapist’s letter, several character
references from very good friends and even my ex-PO
whom I consider a friend now wrote a letter for me. I
finished all the question and mailed them off with all
my supporting documents to the appropriate agencies.
Still feeling a little abuse and misunderstood I
had a realization. I was answering those hard
questions because of the choices I have made to bring
me to this moment. It was no one’s fault I needed to
answer those questions, not even my own. It was just
what it was for that moment. We can’t change our
choices; we can only make better ones in each
moment. I work hard every day to make better choices
and still catch myself causing more suffering by
playing the blame game for my past decisions, what a
fruitless endeavor.
I share this story with you, not to make it a
topic for our next newsletter, but to first develop a
more intimate relationship with my Sangha, but to also
encourage each and every one of you to put away the
blame game. Whether you blame yourselves or
someone else it is fruitless and only generates more
suffering. Vow to do better in the next moment, and
the next, and the next. The now moment is the only
place change occurs. Not the future moment, not the
past moment but right where we are now.
There is no topic for the next issue. I’m
cleaning out the vault. We’ve had a lot of non-topic
submissions and they’re stacking up. If you have any
questions you would liked answered send them in or
write about what’s on your mind. Please have all
submissions in by October 15th 2016 to make it into
the Nov-Dec issue and follow the submission
guidelines. As always my friends, good luck with your
practice, and remember to use loving-kindness
whenever possible and especially with yourselves.
Dom
As always we encourage
your question, comments
and contributions!
Send your letters to:
Letters to the Editor
Inside Dharma
P.O. Box 220721
St. Louis, Mo. 63122
Submission Guidelines
1. Submissions need to be printed
2. Submissions need to be printed large
enough to read, no very small print.
3. Submissions should have paragraph
breaks if you want them in your submission
4. Submissions need to be 1000 word or less
(preferably less)
5. Submissions cannot be returned
Inside Dharma
P.O. Box 220721
St. Louis, Missouri
63122
NONPROFIT ORG
US POSTAGE PAID
ST. LOUIS MO
PERMIT NO. 1129
Return Service Requested
“To all the Holy People
in the world, especially
to those presently
incarcerated.”
InsideDharma isabi‐monthlyBuddhistnewsletterpublished
by Inside Dharma, a not‐for‐profit organization based in St.
Louis, Missouri. We publish Buddhist articles, stories, humor,
andotherwritingsubmittedbycurrentandformerresidentsof
correctional facilities, as well as friends, supporters, and
spiritual teachers. Inside Dharma is dedicated to the free
givingoftheDharma(Buddhistteachings).Thereisnocharge
to offenders or ex‐offenders for subscriptions. However,
donations are always appreciated. If you are interested in
distributing this newsletter, please write to the editor or just
send us the addresses to be added to the mailing list. This
newsletter may be reproduced, whole or in part, for free
distribution. Prior permission from the editor is required for
any use for which a charge is applied. All submissions are
subjecttoeditingandInsideDharmahastherighttopublish
submissions, in whatever format and by whatever means it
deems appropriate in its own or other Buddhist
publications.