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‘I want a peanut butter sandwich!’:
The picky eater
Have you ever fixed dinner only to hear your child say, “I don’t want this - I
want a peanut butter sandwich!” This can be frustrating to a parent when
you spend time and energy preparing something else. Child nutrition expert
Ellyn Satter talks about the division of responsibility for parents in feeding
children ages toddler through adolescents. She states that parents provide
meals and snacks and the children decide how much and whether to eat
what the parents provide. If you grew up in a household in which children
had to eat everything on their plates before leaving the table, this can be a
new way of thinking about feeding children.
Preschool Age
Preschool age children are starting to learn about consequences of behaviors. They are also
learning how to have power in a situation and how they fit into relationships. It is important to
give your preschooler the chance to learn to like new foods on their own, not because you demand
it. Your goal as a parent is to have an enjoyable mealtime without stress and power struggles.
Ellyn Satter suggests these tips:

Have consistent meal and snack times.
o

Be a good role model.
o

We are having an apple for snack now and it is your choice to eat it or not, but
remember, after this you can have water until dinner time.
Let’s sit down together to eat and talk about our day.
Plan meals as a family.
o
I hear that you would like a peanut butter sandwich. We are not having that right
now, but we could have that for lunch tomorrow.
Elementary School Age
Elementary age children are trying to understand and test rules as well as to cooperate and
participate in household chores. They still need the consistency, structure, and support of regular
family meals and snacks. Satter provides these suggestions in addition to the above tips for
preschoolers:

Keep a set after-school snack time and place that your child helps choose and prepare.
o

It is snack time now, so if you would like a peanut butter sandwich please help me
make it and clean up after.
Remind your child what your food rules are and why.
o It is not time for a snack right now, dinner will be in 15 minutes and you can eat
then. Remember we only have water between snack and meals so that you will be
hungry for the meal.
Teenager
Teenage youth are working on developing the skills for independence and personal responsibility.
Your teenager still depends on you to maintain the structure of family meals so they can continue
to learn communication skills, experience support, practice healthy eating habits, and practice
skills around planning, preparation, and clean-up. Ellyn Satter provides the following suggestions
for teenagers:

Let your child manage more of their own snacks and meals.
o

Have your child take part in mealtime processes including planning, prep, and clean-up.
o

You are in charge of your afternoon snack. I trust that you to get this snack for
yourself and still be hungry for dinner.
It is your turn to plan and make what we are having for lunch tomorrow.
Remember to clean up any dishes you use when you are done.
Encourage a thoughtful food budget.
o
What is your plan for eating lunch today? You have $10 to spend for the week and
food from home you can take for lunch.
In Summary
The USDA website, www.choosemyplate.gov, offers these suggestions for encouraging good eating
habits for children – including eating healthy food:

During mealtimes, focus on enjoying the food and each other.

Your children learn by watching you, so remember to be a good role model at mealtimes.
Children are likely to copy your table manners, your food likes and dislikes, and your
willingness to try new foods.

Offer children a variety of healthy foods for meals and snacks.

Let your children choose how much to eat. Children are more likely to enjoy a food if it’s
their own choice.

Be patient with your children at mealtime (and always).

Remember that you might have to offer new foods 7-10 times before children try them, or
learn to like them. Again—be patient.

Let your children serve themselves at mealtimes whenever possible.

Teach your children to take small servings at first. Tell them they can take seconds if
they’re still hungry.
REFERENCES
Ellyn Satter Institute. (2014). The feeding and eating experts. Retrieved from http://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/
U.S. Department of Agriculture. (n. d.). Be a healthy role model for children. Retrieved from
http://www.choosemyplate.gov/food-groups/downloads/TenTips/DGTipsheet12BeAHealthyRoleModel.pdf
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