Elder St. Herald
ELDER ST HERALD
JULY AUG 2015
P u t t i n g a n e n d t o p owe r s t r u g g l e s w i t h o u r
K i d s — a r t i c l e by Ja n e t L a n s bu r y
WITH THE
KNOWLEDGE
can be infuriating.
after the power struggle is
over): Oh, she’s overtired or
We believe that by using
hungry or I’ve been gone on a
the “right” tools or tactics
CERTAINLY TAKES
business trip for two days and
or by saying the “right”
she has feelings about that,
TWO TO TANGO,
words, we can convince our
etc. There are a plethora of
IT SHOULD BE
kids to give in and comply
healthy, developmentally ap-
EASY FOR US TO
with our directions rather than
propriate reasons kids push
continue to hold their ground.
limits in the early years, so to
THAT IT ALMOST
AVOID ENGAGING
put an end to power strug-
IN POWER STRUG-
Problem is, most of the un-
GLES WITH OUR
welcome behaviour young
KIDS, RIGHT?
children engage in is driven
UM… NOT AL-
gles, the first guideline is to:
1. Expect them
by emotions and impulses rather than reason. So
When we accept and normal-
using reason to convince chil-
ize these experiences for
SOME OF THE UN-
dren to do what we’ve asked
ourselves – we perceive them
DERSTANDABLE
after they’ve already said or
as typical, age-appropriate
REASONS WE
implied “no” is, more often
scenarios — we’ll be far less
MIGHT GET
than not, a losing proposition
likely to approach them as
from the start that becomes
surprising, offensive, or dead-
frustrating for both of us.
ly serious. Then it will be easi-
WAYS. HERE ARE
CAUGHT IN A BATTLE OF WILLS:
er not to take the bait and
Which isn’t to say that our
engage. Refusals to follow
kids aren’t aware they’re dis-
directions aren’t a sign that
pleasing us. On at least some
we have an ill-mannered
level, they’re fully aware that
child, or one who has it out for
we don’t want them hitting the
us. In these early years, es-
dog or refusing to brush their
pecially, our child’s impulses
teeth. What they don’t know
will often get the better of
is why they have these im-
them – they’ll periodically
pulses or where the need to
seem to lose their minds. So,
Our kids can be wilful, stub-
dig in their heels is coming
it’s actually unreasonable ..
born, defiant, and unrea-
from. As adults, we will tend
sonable. When they behave
to understand more about
in a manner that they know is
these impulses than our child
wrong or just won’t listen, it
does, and we’re likely to real-
We want our kids to be well
-behaved, respect our wishes, do as we ask. (And, by
the way, there’s nothing
wrong with any of that, so
don’t ever let anyone make
you feel guilty for wanting
those things.)
ize at some point (usually
Continued on page 2…..
Continued from the front page…
PUTTING AN END TO POWER STRUGGLES WITH OUR KIDS……...
not to expect the unreasonable and wise to do as the Boy Scouts suggest: “Be prepared.”
Alternatively, if we get caught off guard and our child’s defiance feels like a surprise “attack,” we’re more likely to falter or
“fight back” with anger, which can create the discord and discomfort that leads to even more limit-pushing behaviour, struggles and stand-offs. This is bound to happen occasionally, of course. We’re human.
2. An ounce of prevention
There are power struggles that can be prevented by understanding our children’s developmental needs and sensitivities. For
example, infants, toddlers, and pre-schoolers learn through free play and active exploration. A 100% safe “YES” place (which
means free of forbidden objects and activities) meets their needs as explorers and scientists — testing their surroundings in a
healthy manner rather than testing us.
It’s also helpful to keep in mind that young children can become overtired, over-hungry, and overstimulated in the blink of an
eye. As acutely aware and sensitive beings, their comfort level with stimulation cannot be gauged by our own as adults, so
activities and outings that we might find enjoyably stimulating can put them over the edge.
3.
Take action immediately, long before getting annoyed
Our most effective responses to imminent struggles will fall into three basic categories:
a) Heading them off at the pass: When our children engage in behaviour that could potentially require us to intervene physically (i.e., they’re behaving in an unsafe or resistant manner or using an object inappropriately or against our wishes), we
should ideally be prepared to do so, even before we sense any resistance to our verbal directions. This might mean being a
calm shadow/buddy/helper to a toddler who has a tendency to lash out with peers, or helping a stalling child move into her
car seat. Mostly it means recognizing that children will often need us to follow through with a direction by helping them follow
it. For example, we’re ready to help our child put the box of biscuits away long before we get the slightest bit annoyed or she
dumps the whole box. We’re upbeat, and we lead with genuine empathy or (if we’re not feeling it) at least an acknowledgement of our child’s perspective. “You got those down yourself. Cool! I’m going to help you turn the box over so you can get
one. Then we’ll put them away.”
I sometimes describe this kindly-taking-charge-early approach as being Mama or Papa Bear — benevolently strong, confident, unafraid. Mama bear is always at the ready to be the parent in the situation. She doesn’t wait until her patience has
worn thin and risk turning into a growling grizzly. She understands that real love sometimes means carrying children into or
out of situations against their will or removing items (and maybe even other people or animals) from their grasp. Where others might see “bad, disobedient, disrespectful kids,” she sees “lost in impulse, needs help quick.” But she doesn’t just barrel
through. She also makes a point of staying connected and on her child’s “side” by acknowledging feelings, “You don’t like this
at all! I hear you.”
b) Keeping it light and low key: We can’t force cooperative activities. They require willingness. So activities like cleaning up
toys, tooth brushing, and even using polite language are best handled with subtlety, lots of respect, togetherness, low expectations and a very light touch. One way to demonstrate our respect is by verbally preparing kids for these situations and making them part of a predictable routine. Another is to offer kids as much active participation, autonomy, and choice as possible
– exploring the possibilities with them, getting their input, letting them do it by themselves if they can.
Cont’d page 7…..
ELDER ST HERALD
Risky play –balancing safe
play with exploration
Children are born to take risks. Their earliest learning occurs
through the ongoing cycle of trial and error, and the neurological feedback they gain from unsuccessful attempts. Recent advances in neuroscience demonstrate that this cycle of
feedback is vital to optimum neurological development in the
early years. Therefore, children need a range of experiences
that involve high cognitive load, and are holistic and repetitive in order to maximize their development during this
phase. Traditionally, education has tended to negate the
natural risk-taking drive children possess in their early years
life, and yet risk-taking and attempting the unknown are key
to the children’s successful engagement as effective learners
within the rest of the curriculum, and their earliest risk-taking
experiences are sanitized to such a level that the risk is not
much of a risk at all. By definition, learning is the experience
or process of acquiring new
or process of acquiring new skills, knowledge or information.
Yet the desire to protect children from harm can very often remove one of the most important life lessons for children—how
to safely assess and manage risks. Paulson, McKell-Carter, Platt, Huetell and Brannon conducted research in 2012 that suggested children need to make decisions in risky situations to employ areas of the brain such as the insula, hippocampus and
amygdale in order for the maturation of neural processes, which are employed in making decisions where risk is a factor.
Of course there is still an emphasis on safety and care—no one wants to see children needlessly hurt, but there is also a growing recognition that “risk-free” learning environments may actually be doing more harm than good. After visiting Nature Kindergartens in Norway, educator Karen Anderson’s from the Morning Peninsula introduced weekly Kindergarten at the Beach
sessions. The following are some of her thoughts on risk and safety.
“It is important in trusting the children and their decision making. Similarly, its important to remember that no child wants to
get hurt. We are constantly adjusting, reflecting, talking and using our teaching skills to get children to assess situations themselves.
Rattler Journal Spring 2013
Children’s Health and Safety — Keep Them Safe Child Protection
Part of our responsibilities regarding child protection, other than understanding our roles and responsibilities regarding relevant child protection legislation, is to also actively raise family and community awareness of child protection issues. The NSW
legislation changed in 2009 and Keep Them Safe— a shared approach to child wellbeing, was introduced. Any person who
works with children must have a current Working with Children Check and are known as mandatory reporters. The Nominated Supervisor (Mel) and Certified Supervisors (Kim and Kate) have all undertaken specialized Child Protection Training. This
training is to guide the mandatory reporters in our team regarding child well being during the day to day operation of the
centre. Being a mandatory reporter means that if a staff member working in any type of service has reason to believe that a
child is at risk of significant harm, this must be reported to the Child Protection Helpline on 133627 as soon as practicable.
Agreed policy definition of significant harm
What is meant by "significant" in the phrase "to a significant extent" is that which is sufficiently serious to warrant a response by a statutory authority, irrespective of a family's consent. What is significant is not minor or trivial, and may reasonably be expected to produce a substantial and demonstrably adverse impact on the child's or young person's safety, welfare,
or wellbeing. In the case of an unborn child, what is significant is not minor or trivial and may reasonably be expected to produce a substantial and demonstrably adverse impact on the child.
The link below is to the NSW Online Mandatory Reports Guide. It is important to share this information with families so they
can see the areas that we are examining when dealing with child protection issues. This is a sensitive area for all people, but
very important that we understand and communicate our responsibilities to all involved in children’s lives.
http://sdm.community.nsw.gov.au/mrg/screen/DoCS/en -GB/summary?user=guest
ROOM NEWS...what’s been going on in our rooms in July & August????
BABY POSSUMS…. Hello again everyone!
We have really been enjoying the educational goals from the last two months,
they have given us lots of interesting learning to observe. We set up a noise making station (we know, as if it isn’t noisy
enough!) to see how the children responded to intentionally making and hearing different sounds. This project promoted stimulation and nourishing of the children’s auditory centres, helped them make connections between different types of sounds,
enabled social engagement and enjoyment of the experience (according to the children, it was quite hilarious at times) and
provided a platform for basic music making and enjoyment. We combined written and performed music from the CD player
with their own compositions and also took the whole project outdoors to allow them to experience the sounds in an open environment and encouraging listening for other environmental sounds. We have also focused on encouraging care and empathy
towards each other through caring for the baby dolls. At first we presumed the children would most likely want to engage in
the “tasks” of caring ie, feeding, changing, patting to sleep etc., however what we discovered was that the children were most
often seen really caring for their babies; this was shown by cuddling, nursing, carrying around and general affection—what a
lovely thing to discover! This has combined nicely with our other area of learning around feelings and emotions. We have set
up a great learning tool with lots of different photos of the children expressing emotions. This is a great place to refer the children when they are expressing all sorts of different emotions. The visual tool really helps to connect for those whose language
is still developing. More intentional teaching has also involved block play focusing on construction and all the benefits that
block building can offer. We have offered a range of different types of blocks to build with, noting how they balance, fit,
strengthen or change the physics of the buildings. This has been great for planning and problem solving within their play.
Moving forward we will be including experiences that involve transition to the Joeys room for 2017 ..Paula, Roxi, Lauren & Kaz
TODDLER JOEYS…. We
made it through Winter and even managed to experience some great
learning as we trudged through. We made one of our learning goals for this time all about creating rich literacy environments
for the children. This involved setting up provocation and small world play scenes based on some favourite books and bringing
the story to life, recognising letters in our names via phonics of the first phoneme in our names and also listening for those
same sounds in other letters. We utilised letter and sound play for many of our transition activities as we moved from group
time to lunch time etc. Building the children’s sense of autonomy was also an effective goal during this period. The children
were encouraged to “have a go” at making their own beds, putting their shoes on independently and any other areas of self
help we could support them in. There were some frustrations at times, but also great successes. Gross motor movement and
development was focused on with the children with the objective to ensure that the children’s confidence on previous skills
were enhanced and also new challenges were presented. We took the opportunity to talk about controlling our bodies while
we moved; knowing when to move fast and when to move slow so that we were safe and successful. This gross motor control
and focus was a also a great segue to our learning about safe practices. This objective was set as we had noticed that the children were all making unsafe choices and impulsively moving within the room in an unsafe manner (they sound like toddlers
don’t they??!!) Every opportunity presents a chance for learning so we have worked very hard with the children to embed the
importance of making good choices regarding safety and to also encourage our friends to do the same. We would love to say
that we have seen the running inside stop, but let’s be real, they are 2 and 3!! What we have seen is that the children respond
very well and much quicker when we notice unsafe behaviours and we start singing our “walking legs inside” song. This is then
quite contagious amongst the gang of runners and everyone seems to slow down, for at least a little while ;) We have found
with this lovely group of children that they really do love to revisit their learning and locate themselves as learners in the process. We often look at photos of the children’s work from weeks before or go back to art work that we did in the atelier and
talk about this with the children. They have great insight to offer and we find that this practice really embeds the learning that
took place. We are very interested in rockets at the moment—check out our work in the atelier - April,
Carley & Emily :)
WALLABY PRESCHOOLERS…
The next couple of months are big ones for the Wallaby children. There are some very exciting times ahead for our friends who
are heading off to primary school next year and we have some great programs planned to help this transition. First of all, let’s
talk about what we have been learning and researching for July and August. One of our group goals in July was to help the
children learn about research. What the word means, what it looks like in different forms and the tools we can use to help us
research. We talked about questions and thinking and had great discussions during our morning assemblies and group times
around these questions. We encouraged the children to think of questions that we could ask via a search engine on the internet. Following the fantastic interest the children had in the solar system, this was what a great deal of our research centred
around. Some of the findings from the children were…..Eva pointed out that “There’s no proper air in space.” Archie shared
the fact that “The earth moves round the sun. The sun is so bright to help the planets grow”. Lucy exclaimed “You have to wear
special helmets”. During the afternoon activities Saxon used the pegs to make a picture of the earth. Savannah used the pegs
and boards to make a picture of the sun. Eva, Ned, and Lucy joined the solar system learning space to create their own pictures. Eva drew Saturn and Jupiter. She told us that “Mine is about everything that goes around the planet, even the rocks”.
Lucy drew the solar system and Ned drew the sun, meteors and a crocodile swimming in space”. Kit recalled the fact that “the
Sun is actually a star”. Tilly recalled “Jupiter is the biggest planet”. Beau recalled the fact that “Mercury is the smallest planet”.
Josie recalled the fact that “there are 8 planets”. What great researchers and learners!
You may have heard the children coming home talking about being Toilet Monitors? This came about from some of our talks
about being responsible citizens of our school and caring for the environments both natural and built. We had a meeting one
day in the afternoon and discussion turned to what every one thought about the Wallaby bathroom. Without even prompting
the children we had some interesting answers…..Beau: “When I went to do a wee in the toilet I saw there was already another
one there” (The toilet wasn't flushed.) Matilda pointed out that “when the toilet isn’t flushed the smell comes out.” Eva told us
she had noticed “Some people are using too much paper.” Lucy P has noticed “that some friends aren’t washing their hands
properly with soap after going to the toilet”. We talked about the kind of bathroom we would like to use and also what the
children thought needed to change to make this happen every day. Toilet monitors were the answer! The children agreed
that they would inform all the children in the Wallaby room of the meeting and they would make badges so they know who to
go to if there is a problem in the bathroom. After this discussion there has been further growth and everyone has become a
monitor of something!!
Self regulation and learning about our emotions has been a big focus in the Wallaby group. We have had some wonderful conversations, role modelling, sharing and lovely moments with the children while working on this goal. Lots of caring and insightful understandings coming from the children as they discuss and gain others perspectives. We know this type of learning
and supporting and scaffolding their abilities will make a real difference when they head off to school next year. Other than
our planned goals, there are plenty of spontaneous learning opportunities throughout our days. Just recently the children
were interested in the Olympics so of course we held some events and made some medals for ourselves. It was great to see
how much they were happy to encourage each other to run faster and jump further. For September we will carry on with our
focus on caring for our surroundings but also focusing on taking responsibility of our own belongings and how this jobs fits into
different times of the day. We will be looking at the clock at certain times of the day as a prompt to what jobs we need to have
done. We are so proud of our already empathetic and respectful Wallaby friends, they are truly wonderful human beings!
Donna, Nicola, Teagan & Lauren
Farewell to Nicola… 8/9/16
We bid a teary farewell to Nicola as she sets off on
her travels. She would like to pass on her heartfelt
thanks to all the children & families who were so kind,
supportive and generous in their gifts & well wishes.
Changes to our team for the remainder of 2016…
Possums:
No changes
Joeys:
No changes
Wallabies:
Monday:
Teagan, Mikenzie, Lauren
Tuesday:
Kate, Teagan, Lauren
Wednesday:
Kate, Teagan, Lauren
Thursday:
Donna, Teagan, Lauren
Friday:
Donna, Teagan, Mikenzie
Congratulations to Belinda and
Rod on the arrival of baby girl
“Kenzie”
Happy Birthday to….
July—Theo & Lawson turned 1, Ayla & Oxley turned 2,
Sullivan, Juliet & Ava M turned 3, Jake, Andy, River and
Saxon turned 4, Theo turned 5
August—Havanna turned 1, Alex & Ethan turned 2,
Quinn turned 3, Peppa & Mason turned 4,
A sister for Aidan (Wallabies) &
Liam (Joeys)
Archie and Acacia turned 5
We hope everyone has enjoyed some wonderful
Congratulations to Sally & Ben on the arrival of
their baby girl
“Abigail”
A sister for old boy Jacob and Juliet (Joeys)
PARENT INFORMATION EVENING
19 Sept 2016 7pm—8pm
Sara Evans & Melinda Krueger will be attending the
centre on the above date to talk to parents all about
the programs that Family Insight offer to families.
The girls are Family Workers and specialise in helping
families deal with the challenges of children’s and
adult’s interactions with each other. The focus of
their programs is centred around connection rather
than correction when it comes to relationships within the family.
They will have some tips for tricky times with young
children and also time for Q&A. We are hoping it is a
lovely evening to touch base with each other & to
enjoy an hour away from the weekly grind. Please
email the centre if you would like to attend.
celebrations together !
DATES FOR THE CALENDAR....
The family diary fills up quick so I thought I
would get in early for these Elder St event
dates...
Tues 11 Oct, 2016 @ 11am —Hula Hoops
& Handstands circus show
Wed 23 Nov, 2016—School Photos—
envelopes & info will be sent out in coming
weeks
Fri 25 Nov, 2016 @ 4pm— Family Christmas Celebration (details & invites will be
emailed in coming weeks)
Thurs 8 Dec, 2016 @ 4pm—Preschool
Graduation Ceremony and afternoon tea
(details & invites will be emailed in coming
weeks)
Continued from page 2….
PUTTING AN END TO POWER STRUGGLES WITH OUR KIDS…….
We might ask, “Do you want to keep your cars out in the corner of the room, or shall we put them back in the basket?”,
Or, “Hmmm… now we’ll need to get this soap out of your hair… Would you rather look up at the ceiling with your head
near the faucet or look towards me while I use this cup? Or do you have another idea?” With the example of hair washing I might even ask if the child wants to wash a doll’s hair (or part of my hair!) first. In other words, I would bring him into
the experience so that he can participate as actively as possible rather than have the hair washing done to him.
Inviting children to participate requires us to flexible, keep our expectations low, and accept less than perfection (i.e.,
maybe the hair washing is incomplete, there’s a little soap left in his hair, or we wash it less often than we might wish to).
I would do my best to keep this and other cooperative experiences casual, although I would give my child 100% of my
attention.
In a Facebook discussion group I suggested to a parent struggling with brushing her toddler’s teeth: “I would keep tooth
brushing as light as possible. Let her do it herself; brush teeth together; let her brush your teeth first, etc. I wouldn’t make
a big deal about it.”
The next day she replied: “Overnight success! Last night I just got my toothbrush ready, asked my daughter which kind
of toothpaste she wanted, handed her toothbrush, and we both brushed our teeth for 2 min (mine is an electric on a timer). After we were done she said, “More!” We brushed again this morning. I know a positive attitude towards brushing is
more important now than super clean teeth, and I was feeling very bad about the way things were headed. Thank you
Janet Lansbury for helping me turn it around!”
c) Ducking and letting them roll on by: Let go of losing battles (i.e., against language, bossiness, screaming, whining,
etc.) so they lose their power rather than build steam. So, in these instances, our action is actually more
like inaction. Brettania’s story illustrates:
My 4-year-old recently started preschool. He came home last week and said “Poopy poop poopy poop” and then “you
may die” while looking right at me. (I’m not sure why exactly the kids at school are saying these particular phrases. It is a
lovely, outdoor, screen-free school so it just seems like random experimenting with things to say). Anyway, I just said
“interesting….” because I truly was not bothered at all. So my son got very attentive and said, “Don’t you not like that???
My teacher doesn’t like it and some of the other children said it all day at school and she didn’t like it.” I said, “No, it
doesn’t bother me at all.” My son looked shocked. This was about a week ago and he has never said these things again.
It was such a clear example for me of how kids may repeat things (or not repeat them) based on the reaction they get
from the parent or caregiver. I could just see/feel my son waiting for my big reaction, and when he didn’t get one he just
dropped this behaviour immediately. I still find it so amazing to realize how very much my reaction or response may influence my child’s behaviour. In hindsight, I can think of so many examples of when I changed my response or approach
(rather than trying to get my child to change) and my child’s behaviour changed as a result.
We can do this.
http://www.janetlansbury.com/2015/10/putting-an-end-to-power-struggles-with-our-kids/