November 25, 2008
Porterville Rotary Club
Am I Cool? Just Ask Me Edition
Edition
Thankful
Scarbrough Fair was sparsely attended as vacationing Rotarians
apparently prepared to stuff themselves with stuffed turkey. Paul
Klippenstein stumbled through the invocation and Neil Smith led the
flag salute. As usual, Jimmy Howl directed a gratitudinal1 rendition of
“God Bless Our Rotary,” replete with thanksgiving2. The Klipper
doubled as greeter, holding down that difficult assignment alone, as
Greg Woodard didn’t show up to hold up his end. Guests were Pricilla
Ramirez, accompanying Veronica Garcia and Court Roper accompanying
his father.
Dennis Schneider gave a historical overview of the history of the
Christmas Parade, which he personally researched. Buck Shaffer
started it by marching the PHS band down Main Street one night. Soon
the Chamber of Commerce became involved and Jimmy Howl
encouraged it as a mechanism for promoting the Christmas Theater.
Before long Barney Richardson and Jimmy engaged Rotary into the
activity and our involvement has increased until we now are the main
sponsor. Cal Weisenberger, Al Holloway and Jimmy Howl have all
appeared in the starring role of Saint Nicholas3.
1
What do you mean this isn’t a word? What is a word but “a unit of language, consisting of one or more spoken
sounds or their written representation, that functions as a principal carrier of meaning.” You understood what this
meant, so it is a word. Just because it isn’t in the dictionary doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be.
2
Fullovitz was not present to not sing.
3
Dennis obviously did some footwork in preparation. Good job, Dennis.
Speaking of Which
The Christmas parade is right around the corner, December 4th.
We are all to meet at Citizens Business Bank at 5:30 to receive
assignments. Dress warmly and bring a flashlight to help arrange and
order the floats. Scarbrough Man says we need a portable generator to
make Santa’s Float light up. If you have such a beast, please contact
Steve right away.
Our Christmas party will be held at River Island December 9th.
Please bring a gift for a child, adolescent or woman, to be donated to the
women’s shelter4. You can wrap it and put a description of what it is on
the outside, or better yet just don’t wrap it and let them wrap it for you.
If you need an idea of what to bring, contact Neil, who handed out a list
of potential gifts, which included about everything.
Ding Dong, Bells Are Ringing
Bill Slattery made good on his deal with Ms. Teri by paying a bell
for staying around for yet another birthday, only his 69th. When asked
if he would make a similar deal with incoming president Fullovitz, Bill
cryptically said there was only a 50-50 chance he will be here for his
70th. Could this portend bad news? Was he joshing? It was unclear,
but unsettling.
Gil Meachum allowed Analura to celebrate her birthday by leaving
him for two weeks and going to San Diego, and she had a great time!5
He rang the bell for her. Scarbrough wrung out an admission from
Steve Tree that November 13th was a good day, it being Scarbrough
Man’s father’s birthday. Tree happily responded, “Ring a bell for your
father’s birthday!” Losing the opportunity to ding him for fifty bucks,
the Pres pressed Tree to further admit that seven years ago Neil Smith
introduced him to Rotary. Our leader craftily turned a sure $50 into a
$7 fine.
Robert Gillett confessed under pressure that tomorrow is Arlina’s
birthday, which he will celebrate by “probably working.” He asked
what the “going rate” is for such events, and sat down to a bell.
After unsuccessfully fishing for confessions, Scarbrough Man
confessed that Wisconsin squeaked over Cal Poly by one point in
4
5
The gift is to be donated, not the child, adolescent or woman. They have already donated themselves to the shelter.
What does that say about his company?
overtime. Jim Holly jumped up to say “A win is a win,” and to proudly
state that Bank of the Sierra haughtily renounced the government’s
proffered handout, which he said those accepting it called “capital
investment” but those rejecting it called a “bailout.” He denied any
prior knowledge of what Mike MacDonald’s bank did with the offer,
forcing Mike to proudly exclaim that it received only $130 million
bailout bucks. Ed Jones thereupon jumped up to imperiously declare
that his bank never even considered accepting the bailout bucks, but
slunk down when Holly proclaimed that banks less than three years old
didn’t qualify anyway. The amusing battle of the banks consumed some
surplus time, but Jim finished the bragging by announcing his fifth
grandchild, born to Deputy DA son Trevor, all of which was worth a bell.
Program
Tina Terrell of the Forest Service presented the program. She has
been with the Forest Service for 23 years and is presently the Forest
Supervisor. She said the Sequoia National Forest is presently going
through a lot of turmoil – but she didn’t want to talk about that.
Instead, she wanted to talk about the future of the Forest.
The National Forest was created in 1908 by Theodore Roosevelt,
but the increase in the number of people around it has complicated the
balance between developing its resources, making it available for people
to visit and enjoy, and preserving its condition and animals.
Last year was the worst fire year in history for California. Rain
stopped in February and in June there were 2000 lightning strikes,
causing 1000 fires. Smoke enveloped the entire state, and smoke
persists for weeks even after the fires are out. Smoke is bad for people
with health problems or whose eyes are bothered by smoke.
The Sequoia National Monument plan was thrown out by a judge
in 2006 and has to be reworked. Turner wants the public involved.
One of the issues she has to decide is how to allow fire to do what
it is supposed to do without inconveniencing anyone. 73% of
California’s drinking water comes from the mountains. After a fire, the
water washing down can sometimes turn black.
It will take another year and a half to complete the plan.
She believes in marketing the National Forest here, and she is
going to put a person in the Chamber of Commerce information center
starting in April to market the Forest.
She is a proponent of Fire Safe Councils. She doubled the number
of Fire Safe Councils in Cleveland National Forest when she was there.
Will it be Odd?
Next week Hoss McNutt will bring the Odyssey of the Mind team.
Unqualified for a government bailout, Ed Jones qualified for a Rotary
bailout by winning the illegal raffle.
Steve is a former professional baseball player who now works as a
television sportscaster. He met Stacey at a hotel pool while their
families were vacationing in Hawaii. Stacey flaunted her ample body
around at the pool, and depending on whom you believe, either did or
didn’t say that everyone loves to see her breasts and told Steve “if you
are a good boy, maybe you will.” According to Steve, they went to her
hotel floor where he held her wrist and asked her to show them to him.
When she declined, he left. According to Stacey, he shoved her into an
alcove, removed part of her clothes, exposed himself to her and tried to
force her to commit a sexual act. Stacey sued Steve for assault, battery,
false imprisonment, bodily injury and emotional distress.
Steve tendered his defense to his homeowner’s insurer, but they
declined to defend him. Steve sued the insurer.
“They have to defend me if there is any conceivable theory which
could bring the claim within the policy coverage. Any doubt has to be
resolved in my favor as the insured,” Steve argued. “The policy
specifically covers me for bodily injury or property damage resulting
from an accident and for personal injury resulting from an occurrence.
‘Occurrence’ includes false imprisonment. This crazy lady is claiming
that I falsely imprisoned her, so I am covered. I thought she wanted to
show me her assets, and suggested that we step into an alcove where
she could do so. That is when I gently took her arm. If she didn’t want
to undress for me, well, then my misunderstanding was an accident and
I am covered anyway.”
“We agree that we have to cover Steve if there is any conceivable
theory by which he could be covered, but we sure can’t think of one,”
said the insurer’s attorney. “The policy says personal injury, bodily
injury or property damage resulting from an accident. There was no
accident here, the allegation is that Steve groped this woman
intentionally and pulled off her clothes. There is no accident involved,
so no coverage.”
Did the policy cover Steve’s actions, imposing a duty on his
insurer to defend the suit?