RADIO SHOW PREP January 24
ON THIS DAY: January 24
1679 King Charles II of England disbands Parliament.
1848 California Gold Rush starts
1922 The Eskimo Pie is invented
1924 Petrograd, Russia is renamed Leningrad. St. Petersburg had became
Petrograd in 1917.
1984 The first Apple Macintosh goes on sale.
2003 The United States Department of Homeland Security officially begins operation.
BORN ON THIS DAY: Famous Birthdays:
76 Hadrian (Roman Emperor)
1925 Maria Tallchief (Ballerina)
1949 John Belushi (Actor)
1968 Mary Lou Retton (Olympic Gymnist)
1979 Tatyana Ali (Actress)
1986 Mischa Barton (Actress)
JUST FOR LAUGHS A game warden stops a poacher walking along the beach and tells him he's going
to fine him for taking lobsters without a permit. The poacher tells the warden the two lobsters in his
hands are his pets and he was just taking them for a walk. "Nonsense," says the game warden. "It's
true, it's not against the law to walk your pets along the beach, is it?" asks the man. "I send them into the surf for a swim and when I whistle they come back to me". "I've got to see this; show
me." says the game warden. So the man tosses both lobsters into the ocean and the game warden
says, "Okay, now let's hear you whistle for your lobsters to swim back to you." "Lobsters?" asks the
poacher, "What lobsters?"
ON THE LIGHT SIDE DUMB CALIFORNIA LAWS ON THE BOOKS
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
Bathhouses are against the law.
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
Women may not drive in a house coat.
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
Many animals are illegal to own as pets, including snails, sloths, and elephants.
In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs.
BEST OF CRAIGSLIST All I ever wanted was to be woken up by your car alarm. No really, the sound
of your car alarm going off six…sometimes seven times a day is truly a comforting sound. I especially
like when it goes off at 1:00am...and then again at 5:00am. THANK YOU so much! Usually after the
worst day of my life, it's the first and only sound that I want to hear. I shouldn't be sleeping anyways
as we all know that sleep is for the weak. My cat would also like to thank you. As if having his entire
life uprooted and moved to a strange new place isn't traumatizing enough, he gets to listen to the
piercing sound of your pride and joy telling the world that the wind has blown. It's alright though,
since you've got me up so early, I have plenty of time to try to coax him out from underneath the bed
before I leave for work to experience the next worst day of my life. I understand that protecting your
belongings is important to you, but you're the rudest person I've never met. If you don't fix that
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alarm I'm going to do enough damage to get at least a full month of peace and quiet while it's in
the shop.
JUST TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY I once met a man who had been married for 50 years. "Amazing. 50
years!" I said. "What's the secret to such a long, happy marriage?" "Well," he replied, "It's like this.
The man makes all the big decisions... and the woman just makes the little decisions." "Really?" I
responded. "Does that really work?" "Oh, yes," he said proudly. "50 years, and so far, not one big
decision!"
TODAY IS… Beer Can AppreciaHon Day
When : Always January 24
Now here's a day that I can really get into! Actually, I can "get into" the stuff inside even more.
What this author really appreciates, is a beer can that is full and icy cold. Beer Can AppreciaHon
Day celebrates that great day in 1935 when beer was first sold in cans. Okay, laugh if you will. But,
believe me when I say that Beer Can AppreciaHon Day is a big and important day to many people. A
lot of people do not know that there's a huge number of beer can collectors out there. Collectors
meHculously open a beer can from the boKom, empty it (and drink the beer, of course), then wash
and dry it. For beer can collectors, there is no shortage of types of beer, cans and boKles, and sizes.
A beer can collector may have hundreds of cans and boKles.
Beer Can AppreciaHon Day provides us with the opportunity to enjoy and appreciate the many
different kinds of beer cans. Enjoy today by starHng, or adding to your beer can collecHon. As you
empty the new cans, drink the contents. ALer all, you don't want to be wasteful do you?
Important Note: Please drink responsibly. And, if you drink.......don't drive.
Origin of Beer Can Apprecia3on Day: We know that this day celebrates the first Hme beer as available in cans. We have yet to discover the creator or the origin of Beer Can AppreciaHon Day. Perhaps the originator opened up a few too many beer cans on the day of creaHon, and ...uh.... didn't
remember the next day.
KIDS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS “Daddy, where did I come from?” the seven-year-old asked. It
was a moment for which her parents had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room,
got out several books, and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly. “Does that answer your question?” her father asked. “Not really,” the little girl said. “Marcia said she came from
Detroit. I want to know where I came from!”
MORE GIGGLES YOU KNOW YOU’RE A CALIFORNIAN IF…
You know how to eat an artichoke.
The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.
Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.
You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.
A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.
HEARD THIS ONE? Bubba walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
Bubba said: “Shingles.” So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told
him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Copyright 2016 My Kool FM - Central California Public Service Broadcasters. All Rights Reserved.
Bubba said, ”Shingles.” So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and
told Bubba to wait in the examining room. A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba
what he had. Bubba said, “Shingles…” So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure
test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. An
hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba
what he had. Bubba said, ”Shingles.” The doctor asked, “Where?” Bubba said, “Outside on the
truck. Where do you want me to unload ‘em???”
QUOTE FOR TODAY By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.-- Billy Crystal
DID YOU KNOW? Flowers blossom at certain specified times during the day. Linnaeus, the great
botanist, once said that if he had a conservatory containing the right kind of soil, moisture and
temperature, he could tell the time of day or night by the flowers that were open and those that
were closed !
THOUGHT FOR TODAY We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds.
HOUSEHOLD TIP Grab two buckets when it is Hme to clean your floors. Put clean water in one,
and use the other to drain the dirty water into. I know this one is so simple as to be obvious, but
… well, it wasn’t obvious to me. I never in a million years would have thought to just double up on
buckets.
WORD OF THE DAY Esoteric adj. 1. Difficult to understand; abstruse. 2. Not publicly disclosed;
confidenHal. 3. Of rare, special, or unusual interest. “Her soLware’s success was based on an esoteric programming language.”
KNOCK KNOCK JOKE Police. Police who? Police hurry—I’m freezing out here!
UNUSUAL ANIMAL FACT One way to tell the age of a fish is by looking at its scales. They have
growth rings just like trees. These are called circuli. Clusters of them are called annuli. Each annuli
show one year.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000
meters.
FOR BLONDES ONLY I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled
down the car windows to make sure my Labrador retriever pup had fresh air. She was stretched
full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked
to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do
you hear me?" "Stay! Stay!" The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave me a strange
look and said, "Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"
HERE’S A CUTE ONE! Q: Why do grandmas count pennies? A: They are the only ones who have
the time.
TOTALLY USELESS INFO Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.
AMAZING FACT Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.
WHERE’D THAT COME FROM? FLY IN THE OINTMENT This old saying comes from the Bible. In Ecclesiastes 10:1 the writer says that dead flies give perfume a bad smell (in old versions of the Bible
the word for perfume is translated 'ointment').
TODAY’S RIDDLE Q: What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it? A: A hole!
HERE’S ANOTHER! You might be a redneck if...
Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.
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You might be a redneck, if you think lol means "low on liquor."
You might be a redneck if you have a home that's mobile and three cars that aren't!
ONE MORE! Husband's Text Message by cellphone to wife: "Honey, a car hit me when I was out of
the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays. I had a very strong blow
to my head. Fortunately it did not cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs and a compound
fracture in my leL leg. They may have to amputate my right foot."
Wife's Response: "Who's Paula?"
OK, JUST ONE MORE! I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the
clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door,
breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses. "I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last
bunch." The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please have those roses?" "What
happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?" "It's even worse than that," he
confided. "I crashed my wife's hard drive!"
GONNA CRACK YOU UP! SOME PHUNNY PUNS
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Copyright 2016 My Kool FM - Central California Public Service Broadcasters. All Rights Reserved.