From The Editor,
What does Freedom mean to you? To me it means kickball….and a reason to pay athletes
tons of money to entertain us!!! THE LOCKOUT IS FINALLY OVER!!! YIPPIE!!! Who is
ready for some football?!?!? Huh? It isn’t football season yet? What about preseason
games? They’re not even scheduled soon? Crap!!! Well, in the meantime, we have an
amazing summer kickball league ready for you, filled with kicks, hits, dropped balls, whiny
players, bad refs, overpriced beer (just kidding!), coaches and owners that don’t know the
rules and pregaming. Hmmmm. Sounds a lot like football. Maybe it won’t be too bad.
Either way, I’m sure I’ll be drinking enough to forget all about it anyways.
LET THE KICKBALL SEASON BEGIN!!!
Week 1 Kickball Scores:
Bunt N Grind
The Learned Feet
Sonsapitches
MOFO
Derelict My Balls
The Party Animals
RedLiners
4
0
6
5
0
7
1
Week 1 Flipcup Scores:
Bunt N Grind
1
The Learned Feet 5
Sonsapitches
1
MOFO
4
Derelict My Balls
0
The Party Animals 1
RedLiners
1
at
at
at
at
at
at
at
3
4
2
12
9
1
2
Alcoballics
I'd Kick That
Refractory Period
Sweat Drop Down My Kickballs
Big Slick Cowboys
Kicktators
That's What She Said
at
at
at
at
at
at
at
5
4
5
5
5
5
5
Alcoballics
I'd Kick That
Refractory Period
Sweat Drop Down My Kickballs
Big Slick Cowboys
Kicktators
That's What She Said
Week 2 - Family Flip Cup
Bar Game Event: Family Flip Cup. Each team will need to select 5 (3 girls/2guys or 3 guys/2 girls)
from their team. The game is played just like regular flip cup except you have three different
size cups in front of (small plastic shot glass, medium size cup, and traditional size keg cup).
Each filled with equal amount of beer. You start at one end and you must drink the smallest cup
first, flip it. Next person goes, when it goes all the way down the line you then drink the medium
cup, flip it and STACK it on top of the small cup. Once that happens the next person goes. Once
it goes all the way down the line you drink the largest cup, flip it, and then STACK it on the
other two cups. Next person goes. The team that has all players finish first wins.
Week 3 - Boat Race
Week 4 - Knock Out Flip Cup
Week 5 - Anchorman
Week 6 - Speed Quarters
Week 7 - Pixie Stix
Week 8 - King of the Table
DOL Pitcher of Glory
This is the coveted Most Social/Spirited Team Award.
How does one compete for the eternal glory??? The criteria are as
follows
1) Bar Attendance - # of players each week and what team has the most in
the bar
2) Flipcup Standings
3) Beer Olympics Standings
4) Theme Week Participation
5) Mid-Season Party Participation
6) Overall Team Enthusiasm and Spirit
How can you show your team spirit you ask? Well…..
Theme Weeks
We will be introducing a different theme each week. Next week will
be….HAWAIIAN!! So dress up in floral print shirts, get some leis, and carry
around pineapples or whatever.
Derelict My Balls
So I could talk about how our rookie team of kickballers played well against Big Slick Cowboys
but I won't because we all know that the kickball is just teaser for the real fun that happens in
the Dungeon of Love at Kelly's. So I’ll just focus on that...congrats to all of the new players for
actually finding your way to the bar. I guess I'll chalk that up for success #1 of the night,
props to Tom for ordering 17 different appetizers - you kept our team somewhat sober by
feeding them food, Brian...congrats on not getting thrown out of the bar, Amy nice way to dance
it up, Congrats to the team captain for finding empty tables to play King of Hill flip cup and
that's really all that I feel like writing about today.
Here are our awards for Playa and Player of the week.
Player of the week - Amy...nice catch on the line drive to left field
Playa of the week - Lauren...nice job picking up that girls number (I kid, I kid)
Sweat Drop Down My Kickballs
Even the sweltering heat could dampen the excitement of opening night as SDDMKB took the
field against the MOFO (pink) team. Our excitement was dampened when the pink team
bunted their way to an early 4-0 lead. We looked confused and unorganized in the first inning
but we recovered by the 2nd and began to the turn the game around with some manly kicks over
the outfielder’s heads. In the 3rd we seized control as the "pinkies" continued to try and bunt
their way around the bases against out formable defense. The end result was a crushing 12 - 5
victory for SDDMKB. Shout outs to Andrew, Alex, Lacey and Blake. The moral of the story real men don't bunt!!! Flip cup was a close affair with SDDMKD staggering away with a victory
by the score of 5-4. SDDMKD started off strong with an early lead, but the "pinkies" came
back to tie it up 4-4. SDDMKD won the final round to clinch victory!! It does appear that a
couple of our players took a few too many for the team!
INTERESTING FACT #1:
You know who else likes
sleeping on awesome
patches of grass??
PDunc.
Kicktators
Despite the score the Kicktators really
have some potential this season. I saw
some talented kickballers out there and
some not soo talented ones. Props to Matt
for pitching the entire game and for
"intimidating" the other team. Obviously
we really showed our skills at the bar and
at the flip cup table, beating our
opponents! We then taught them some
great moves on the dance floor.
INTERESTING FACT #2:
You’re not the only
Communist is this
league?? HCR aka Cleats
also loves Communism.
I’d Kick That
Team I’d Kick That got off to an awesome start last week. We braved the extreme heat
and beat The Learned Feet 4-0 (approximately?).
Our lead-off kickers – Renee, Josh, Patrick, and Bruno – started us off strong and we
had three runners on base right away. We got our first run in the first inning (who was it?
I can’t remember, but great job!). We came back really strong in the 3rd inning with 2
more runs. I think Allison and Scott came in and tons of others got on base.
And despite melting into puddles in the disgusting heat, we scored one
more run in the last inning! Our defense was also awesome and totally
held the other team off. Dave did a fabulous job as pitcher and Renee
as catcher. And we always managed to drag at least 4 girls on the
field per inning, despite lots of whining. Both teams played really well
but only one came out on top… The dark horse of DC Freedom, I’d Kick
That, had our first serious wipeout last week!
The Learned Feet turned out to be a tougher opponent when we took
them on at the Irish Times and sadly, our flipcup game was not quite
as successful. But the games were super close and very fun. And this is a kickball league,
right? That’s what matters.
Special thanks to the seasoned vets who guided many of us through our first game. Chris,
Patrick, Dave, Renee, and others – you guys are awesome for volunteering to ref! And to
our amazing cheering squad of Jenni and Raina – you guys led us in team spirit!
Refractory Period
(The period following a male orgasm during which an erection is difficult to
obtain or maintain.).
Ok, first things first, let me take care of a little housekeeping: While I am not extremely well versed on
the intricate details of the official kickball rules, I have taken a gander at the rules of life and they
dictate that anyone who has a double digit lead in an adult kickball game who adamantly and repeatedly
argues calls with the ref (especially one who graciously volunteered to ref to help your team out) needs
to chill the fuck out… Now this was only one person on one team and I don’t want to be the asshole who
calls teams out by name (mainly because I don’t know the name of the purple team), but let this serve as
a general reminder that the rules of life, much like the Official Rules of Adult Kickball, should be
strictly adhered to throughout the season. No exceptions. No excuses.
Now to the fun stuff…
Despite the fact that it was literally hotter than balls outside and the majority of our team had never
met each other before, we still managed to have a pretty damn good first week. I’d like to say it was our
sparkling personalities that made us all mesh so well, but I think it was more so the vodka infused gummy
bad decisions that Morgan brought (via pedi-cab) and the fact that some of us hit up happy hour before
the game. Either way, I think it’s going to be a good season… To sum up the day, things we did not win at:
kickball. Things we did win at: base races, flip cup and life.
The game was hot and uneventful, but once we all got to the bar Joel bought a round of shots to get us
all right where we needed to be (read: where no one needed to be)… Apparently a small portion of the
team thought these were “pants off shots,” which apparently is not only an off the menu order item at
KIT, but is adamantly frowned upon by the KIT staff. Who knew?
The pants off shot was just the beginning of the ridiculosity as my increasingly spotty memory captured
the following memories:
- Craig and Eric singing along to back street boys as we all watched a bromance blossom
- Dancing (I’m using the term liberally)
- An often imitated but never duplicated DoL party gravy knee slide dance move by a man in a medical
boot
- People face planting attempting to duplicate said crippled knee slide dance move
- More gummy infused bad decisions, now being spooned out like soup
- More dancing
- And finally, our team being the last team to leave the bar – That’s right, at the end of the night the
only people that were left at the bar were 6 people in green shirts and people who worked there who I’m
sure hated the six assholes in green shirts keeping them from being able to go home.
MOFO
Who's ready for an awesome season of kickball? We Are!!!!
For those of you who may think we're mother f'ers, you may be wrong but you may be right..... (enter the
Billy Joel song now stuck in your head http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jo9t5XK0FhA). We actually
started as a group of Miami University alumni who brought along friends and friends of friends for one
amazing group of ballers. So
why the MOFO name? Miami of Ohio! Yes,
that's the school that has been
called one of prettiest schools there
ever was by Robert Frost and
has President Harrison as an alumni. Yet,
to our dismay, more of you
probably know us as the school
Raplesberger went to, was
defeated by Boston College in DC for the
NCAA Div I hockey
championship (seriously, don't talk to us
about this, we may cry), has 4
fraternity and 1 sorority alpha chapters
and lastly, who is known as
J.Crew U and just came in as the 3rd
preppiest school in the U.S.!!!
Wooo!!! See? There's always something
to be proud of.
So, was pink for preppy? Actually no..... RedLiners got red, we hate white, so we put them together and
got pink (we do pull it off quite well though if I do say so myself.....). We're also are not a team to be
messed with; we kicked butt in our first game! Okay, okay... we lost, but for a brand new team we did not
disappoint! We managed to get 4 runs in during the first inning and held our lead, but then in innings 2-4
we sadly lost our lead little by little. Yet, thanks to our one and only Alex (seriously, 2 Sara(h)'s, a Tara,
2 Brandon's and 2 Michael's all on 1 team?!?!) we got 1 more run for an 11-5 loss. So what did we say then?
Just what any proper pink team would: off to the bar!
At the bar we were second to none. Okay, okay, we lost again. Jeesh! But it was mainly due to a flip off
between the captain of MOFO and a girl from grey that yielded the 5-4 flip cup loss (sorry team!!!). So
this week we'll be ready to prove that we didn't go to college for nothing against Refractory Period.
They may prove to be a challenge since we closed the bar with them last week, but I think we now know
how it's done and will treat them how Roethlisberger treats girls. Oh... yes.... I said it.
So, we got our kinks out on the field,
handled Tom Selleck, did shots of Jager
to Journey, flipped, danced, and had so
much fun with each other that we can't
wait to do it again this week. Who's
ready for more kickball & Thirsty
Thursdays?!?!?! MOFO!!!!
Big Slick Cowboys
As the utmost authority on America, Freedom, Crushing It and Uhnce, Tommy Moore once proclaimed, “For the record, I was up at 6am crushing it and at my desk by 8:30. I am an adult, I vote in elections and puking is for cowards. Space travel is for heroes like Harry Stamper who save the world from asteroids and never miss a depth. Also, uhnce.” You know who some famous cowards are? Russians. And what are Russians? Communist. Henceforth, Puking is Communist. Now that we’ve established that, I think BSC might have had some fun last Thursday.
But first, if you don’t know who we are after Week 1, what were you doing?!?! We’re
hard to miss. Our uniforms are amazing. Our dance moves and ability to get low are
unmatched. When we’re not crushing it with other fellow porn stars, we’re being cultured
and visiting botanical gardens and arboretums (they’re basically outdoor botanical
gardens!!!).