The Happy Hypocrite
By Max Beerbohm
it is
little
of
said,
so wicked
NONE,
as
all
who
revelled with the Regent, was half
I will not trouble
Hell.
Lord George
my
readers with a long recital of his great naughtiness.
But
it
were well they should know that he was greedy, destructive, and
I am afraid there is no doubt that he often sat up
disobedient.
House until long after bed-time, playing at games,
and that he generally ate and drank far more than was good for
His fondness for fine clothes was such, that he used to
him.
at Carlton
dress
on week-days quite as gorgeously as good people dress on
He was thirty-five years old and a great grief to his
Sundays.
parents.
And
others.
that,
in
it was that he set such a bad
example to
Never, never did he try to conceal his wrong-doing; so
In fact, I
time, every one knew how horrid he was.
the worst of
think he was proud of being horrid.
Captain Tarleton, in his
account of Contemporary Bucks suggested that his lordship s great
Candour was
abominable
a virtue and should incline us to forgive
faults.
But, painful
opinion expressed by one
good, only
that,
when
when
it
it
who
reveals
is
as
it is
now
to
dead,
me
I
some of
to dissent
his
from any
hold that Candour
is
good actions or good sentiments, and
is evil, even also.
reveals evil, itself
Lord
The Happy Hypocrite
12
Lord George Hell did, at last, atone for all his
that was never revealed to the world during his
faults, in a
life-time.
way
The
reason of his strange and sudden disappearance from that social
never moved again, I
sphere, in which he had so long moved and
My little readers will then, I think, acknowledge
him must be
any angry judgment they may have passed upon
I will leave his lordship
reconsidered and, it may be, withdrawn.
will unfold.
that
But my plea for him will not be based upon that
which some of his friends so much admired.
some so weak and so wayward as to think it a
yes
Here comes
have an historic title and no scruples.
in their hands.
Candour of
There were,
fine thing to
George
his,
!
"
Hell,"
Noblesse oblige,
of his
It
they would say.
you
good name.
"
How wicked my lord
and so an
see,
"
is
looking
Anonymous naughtiness does little harm.
many persons were unobnoxious
pleasant to record that
is
!
aristocrat should be very careful
to
the magic of his title and disapproved of him so strongly that,
whenever he entered a room where they happened to be, they
would make
straight for the door
through the key-hole.
and watch him very severely
Every morning, when he
strolled
up
Piccadilly, they crossed over to the other side in a compact body,
leaving him to the companionship of his bad companions on that
which
is still
was quite
called the
wholly hardened, and,
passed him, he
am
"
"
shady
side.
Lord George
would
when
ladies gathered
crxerAtoc
Indeed, he seemed
indifferent to this demonstration.
up
their skirts as they
lightly appraise their ankles.
never saw his lordship.
glad
They say he was rather
like Caligula, with a dash of Sir John FalstafF, and that sometimes,
I
I
on wintry mornings in St. James s Street, young children would
hush their prattle and cling in disconsolate terror to their nurses
skirts, as they saw him come (that vast and fearful gentleman )
with the east wind ruffling the round surface of his beaver,
!
ruffling
By Max Beerbohm
13
ruffling the fur about his neck and wrists, and striking the purple
complexion of his cheeks to a still deeper purple.
King Bogey
"
"
they called
him
when they too were
his advent down the chimney or
In the hours
in the nurseries.
naughty, their nurses would predict
from the linen-press, and then they always behaved." So that, you
see, even the unrighteous are a power for good, in the hands of nurses.
It is true that his lordship was a non-smoker
a negative virtue,
"
and due, even
certainly,
but there the
clusion.
He
that, I fear, to the fashion of the day
of his good qualities comes to an abrupt con
insatiable love the Town and the
list
loved with an
pleasures of the Town, whilst the ennobling influences of our
He used to boast that
English lakes were quite unknown to him.
he had not seen a buttercup for twenty years, and once he called
the country
marked on the
"
for.
Is it
A
Fool
s Paradise."
of his mind.
map
London was the only place
London gave him all he wished
not extraordinary to think that he had never spent a
happy day nor a day of any kind in Follard Chase, that desirable
mansion in Herts., which he had won from Sir Follard Follard, by
chuck of the dice, at Boodle s, on his seventeenth birthday ?
Always cynical and unkind, he had refused to give the broken
baronet his revenge.
Always unkind and insolent, he had offered
an offer which was, after a little hesi
to instal him in the lodge
a
On my
"
tation, accepted.
soul, the
man
s
place
is
a
sinecure,"
he never has to open the gate to me." *
So rust had covered the great iron gates of Follard Chase, and
Lord George would
moss had covered
its
"
say,
paths.
The
deer browsed upon
There were only wild flowers anywhere.
the weeds and water-lilies of the
looked
down upon,
little
its
terraces.
Deep down among
stone-rimmed pond he had
lay the marble faun, as he had fallen.
Of
*
Lord Colerainis Correspondence, page 101.
The Happy Hypocrite
14
Of
the sins of his lordship s life, surely not one was more
Some whispered (nor
than his neglect of Follard Chase.
all
wanton
did he ever trouble to deny) that he had won it by foul means, by
loaded dice.
Indeed no card-player in St. James s cheated more
As he
persistently than he.
to support, and as his luck
excuse for his conduct.
was rich and had no wife and family
was always capital, I can offer no
At Carlton House,
in
the presence of
dunned the Regent
most arrogantly for 5000 guineas out of which he had cheated
him some months before, and went so far as to declare that he
would not leave the house till he got it ; whereupon His Royal
many
bishops and cabinet ministers, he once
Highness, with that unfailing tact for which he was ever famous,
invited him to stay there as a guest ; which, in fact, Lord, George
months. After this, we can hardly be surprised
when we read that he seldom sat down to the fashionable game of
Limbo with less than four, and sometimes with as many as 7 aces up
did, for several
"
We
*
his
sleeve."
At Garble
can only wonder that he was tolerated at
all.
that nightly resort of titled rips and roysterers, he
Round the illumin
usually spent the early part of his evenings.
ated garden, with La Gambogi, the dancer, on his arm and a
s,
Bacchic retinue
at his heels,
he would amble
in
leisurely, clad
Georgian costume, which was not then, of course, fancy dress, as it
is
Now and again, in the midst of his noisy talk, he would
now.-jcrack a joke of the period, or break into a sentimental ballad, dance
a little
*
Contemporary Bucks, vol.
i.
page 73.
It would seem, however, that, on
special occasions, his lordship
I have seen him,"
indulged in odd costumes.
says Captain Tarleton
(vol. i. p. 69), "attired as a French clown, as a sailor, or in the crimson
t
"
hose cf a Sicilian grandee
face,
whatever
his
costume,
feu beau
spectacle.
nevertheless."
He
never disguised his
By Max Beerbohm
a
little,
When
or pick a quarrel.
15
he tired of such fooling, he
to his box in the tiny al fresco theatre and patronise
the jugglers, pugilists, play-actors and whatever eccentric persons
would proceed
happened to be performing there.
The
stars
were splendid, and the moon
camellia, one night in
May,
as beautiful as a great
as his lordship laid his
arms upon the
cushioned ledge of his box and watched the antics of the Merry
Dwarf, a little, curly-headed creature, whose dtbut it was. Cer
tainly,
Garble had found a novelty.
and the Dwarf finished
lovers.
Nor was this all.
a
Lord George
led the applause,
with a pretty song about
Feats of archery were to follow.
In
his
frisking
moment, the Dwarf reappeared with a
small, gilded
bow
in his
hand and a quiverful of arrows slung at his shoulder. Hither and
thither he shot these vibrant arrows, very precisely, several into
grew about the overt stage, several
columns of the boxes, two or three to the stars.
the bark of the acacias that
into the fluted
The
"Bravo!
Bravo Saggitaro !
audience was delighted.
murmured Lord George, in the language of La Gambogi, who
was at his side. Finally, the waxen figure of a man was carried
on by an assistant and propped against the trunk of a tree. A scarf
was tied across the eyes of the Merry Dwarf, who stood in a
remote corner of the stage. Bravo indeed
For the shaft had
!
pierced the waxen figure through the heart, or just where the
heart would have been, if the figure had been human, and not
waxen.
Lord George called for port and champagne and beckoned the
bowing homuncle to his box, that he might compliment him on
his skill and pledge him in a bumper of the grape.
"
On my
cried,
with
soul,
florid
you have
a genius for the bow," his
lordship
Come and sit by me, but
condescension.
"
first
The Happy Hypocrite
6
1
first
let
me
Gambogi
the
present you to my divine companion the Signora
You may have met on
Virgo and Sagittarius, egad
!
Zodiac."
"
Indeed, I met the Signora many years ago," the Dwarf replied,
on the Zodiac, and the Signora
"But not
with a low bow.
perhaps forgets
me."
At this speech the Signora flushed angrily, for she was indeed
no longer young, and the Dwarf had a childish face. She thought
he mocked her. Her eyes flashed. Lord George s twinkled rather
maliciously.
"
Great
is
the experience of
youth,"
he laughed.
you stricken with more than twenty summers ?
"With more than I can
count," said the Dwarf.
"
Pray, are
"
health of your lordship
"
and he drained
"To
the
long glass of wine.
Lord George replenished it and asked by what means or miracle
had
his
he
acquired
mastery of the bow.
By long practice," the little thing rejoined; "long practice
!
his
"
on human
creatures."
On my
"
And
he nodded his curls mysteriously.
heart
you are a dangerous box-mate."
Your lordship were certainly a good target."
"
his bulk, which
really rivalled the
Lord George turned brusquely in his chair and fixed
This time it was the Gambogi who
eyes upon the stage.
Little liking this joke at
Regent
his
s,
laughed.
A
new operette, The Fair Captive of Samarcand, was being
enacted, and the frequenters of Garble s were all curious to behold
the new debutante,
Jenny Mere, who was said to be both pretty
and talented. These predictions were surely
fulfilled, when the
captive peeped from the window of her wooden turret.
She
looked so pale under her blue turban.
Her eyes were dark with
Her parted lips did not seem capable of speech. "Is it
fear.
that
By
Max Beerbohm
17
Or of
frightened of us ? the audience wondered.
the flashing scimitar of Aphoschaz, the cruel father who holds her
"
that she
captive
she
"
is
?"
So they gave her loud applause, and when, at length,
to be caught in the arms of her gallant lover,
jumped down,
Nissarah, and, throwing aside her Eastern draperies, did a simple
dance, in the convention of Columbine, their delight was quite
unbounded. She was very young and did not dance very well, it
And when she turned in the
true, but they forgave her that.
dance and saw her father with his scimitar, their hearts beat swiftly
is
Nor were
for her.
all
eyes tearless,
when
him
she pleaded with
for her life.
Strangely absorbed, quite callous of his
George gazed over the
Of
trance.
He
two companions, Lord
seemed
who
one
is
in a
a sudden, something shot sharp into his heart.
In
footlights.
as
pain he sprang to his feet and, as he turned, he seemed to see a
winged and laughing child, in whose hand was a bow, fly swiftly
away
into the darkness.
At
his side,
was the Dwarf
s
chair.
It
was empty. Only La Gambogi was with him and her dark face
was like the face of a fury.
Presently he sank back into his chair, holding one hand to his
He
heart, that still throbbed from the strange transfixion.
breathed very painfully and seemed scarce conscious of his sur
But La Gambogi knew he would pay no more
roundings.
homage
to her
now,
for that the love of
Jenny Mere had come
into his heart.
When
the operette was over, his love-sick lordship snatched up
and went away without one word to the lady at his side.
Rudely he brushed aside Count Karoloff and Mr. FitzClarence,
with whom he had arranged to play hazard. Of his comrades, his
his cloak
cynicism, his reckless scorn
he was oblivious now.
He
of
all
the material of his existence
had no time for penitence or diffident
delay
1
The Happy Hypocrite
8
He
at the feet of Jenny
only knew that he must kneel
Mere and ask her to be his wife.
Miss Mere is in her room," said Garble,
resuming her
delay.
"
"
If your lordship deign to await the conclusion of
ordinary attire.
her humble toilet, it shall be my privilege to present her to your
Even now, indeed, I hear her footfall on the stair."
lordship.
Lord George uncovered
smoothed
"
his rebellious
Miss Mere, come
Hell, that
his
head and with one hand nervously
wig.
hither,"
said Garble.
you have pleased
"
,
This
is
my
Lord
whom
by your poor efforts
night will ever be the prime gratification of your passage
George
this
through the roseate realms of art."
Little Miss Mere, who had never seen a
lord, except in fancy or
With a loud
curtseyed shyly and hung her head.
The manager was greatly
crash, Lord George fell on his knees.
Yet neither of them
surprised, the girl greatly embarrassed.
in dreams,
laughed, for
from
"
sincerity dignified his posture
and sent eloquence
its lips.
Miss
Mere,"
he cried,
"
give
ear, I pray
you, to
my
poor
me in misprision from the pedestal of your
All too conscious, alas
of my pre
Beauty, Genius and Virtue.
sumption in the same, I yet abase myself before you as a suitor
for your adorable Hand.
I grope under the shadow of your raven
words, nor spurn
!
Locks.
Eyes.
I
am
dazzled in the light of those translucent orbs, your
In the intolerable whirlwind of your
Fame
I faint
and am
afraid."
"
"Sir
the girl began, simply.
Say
My
My
lord, I
"
<
"
said Garble,
Lord,
solemnly.
thank you for your words.
They are beautiful.
But indeed, indeed, I can never be your bride."
"
Lord George hid
his face in his hands.
"Child,"
By Max Beerbohm
"
Child,"
wicked
retracted those
"
My
them
at
Mr. Garble,
said
wealth,
your
my
feet,"
"
let
rise ere
you have
words."
rank,
my
I throw
would wait
irremediable love for you,
Lord George
an hour, a week, a
19
not the sun
"
cried, piteously.
I
even a decade, did you but bid
lustre,
me
"
hope
"I
!
can never be your
the wife of any
lord, mirrors,
it
wife,"
man whose
may
she said, slowly.
face
is
"I
not saintly.
me, but
be, true love for
can never be
Your
it
is
face,
my
even as a
mirror long tarnished by the reflection of this world s vanity.
is even as a tarnished mirror.
Do not kneel to me, for I
It
am
I was not made for such impetuous
wooing.
you please, to some greater, gayer lady. As for my
love, it is my own, nor can it be ever torn from me, but given, as
true love must needs be given, freely.
Ah rise from your knees.
That man, whose face is wonderful as are the faces of the saints,
poor and humble.
Kneel,
if
!
to
him
I will give
my
true
love."
Miss Mere, though visibly affected, had spoken this speech with
and elocution so superb, that Mr. Garble could not help
a gesture
applauding, deeply though he regretted her attitude towards his
honoured patron. As for Lord George he was immobile as a
stricken oak.
With
a sweet look of pity, Miss
Mere went
her
way, and Mr. Garble, with some solicitude, helped his lordship to
rise from his knees.
Out into the night, without a word, went
Above him the
mock the festoons of
his lordship.
stars
seemed
little
to
were
still
splendid.
They
lamps, dim now and gutter
What should he do ? No
ing, in the garden of Garble s.
thoughts came.
Only his heart burnt hotly. He stood on the
brim of Garble s lake, shallow and artificial as his past life had
been. Two swans slept on its surface. The moon shone strangely
upon
their
white, twisted necks.
Vol. XI.
B
The Yellow Book
Should
he drown himself?
There
The Happy Hypocrite
20
There was no one
morning they would
in
the garden to prevent him, and in the
him floating there, one of the noblest of
find
The garden would be closed in the evening.
s victims.
There would be no performance in the little theatre. It might
Life is a prison, without
be that Jenny Mere would mourn him.
love
"
he murmured, as he walked away.
All night long he strode, knowing not whither, through the
The watchmen, to
mysterious streets and squares of London.
bars,"
whom his figure was most familiar, gripped their staves at his
approach, for they had old reason to fear his wild and riotous
He did not heed them. Through that dim conflict
habits.
between darkness and day, which is ever waged silently over our
Lord George strode on in the deep absorption of his love
sleep,
and of
his despair.
wood
a little
in
At dawn, he found
Kensington.
A
himself on the outskirts of
rabbit rushed past
him through
Birds were fluttering in the branches.
The leaves
were tremulous with the presage of day, and the air was full of
the sweet scent of hyacinths.
the dew.
How cool the country was
It seemed to cure the feverish
maladies of his soul and consecrate his love.
In the fair light of
the dawn he began to shape the means of winning Jenny Mere,
!
that he had conceived in the desperate hours of the night.
Soon
woodman
passed by, and, with rough courtesy, showed him
the path that would lead him quickest to the town.
He was
With Jenny, he thought, he would live
loth to leave the wood.
an old
always
in the country.
And
he picked a posy of wild flowers for
her.
still silent town
strengthened
had seen the town so often in
His rentree into the
resolves.
sleep,
He,
who
had never noticed
narrow
streets
how
his
its
Arcadian
hours of
whole aspect was. In its
the white houses rose on either side of him
like
sinister its
cliffs
Max Beerbohm
21
hurried swiftly along the
unswept pavement.
By
cliffs
How
At
He
of chalk.
had he loved
this city of evil secrets
he came to
?
Square, to the hateful door of his
own house. Shadows lay like memories in every corner of the
dim hall. Through the window of his room, a sunbeam slanted
last
across his
St.
James
smooth bed, and
fell
s
ghastly
on the ashen
grate.
It was a bright morning in Old Bond Street, and fat little Mr.
Aeneas, the fashionable mask-maker, was sunning himself at the
His window was lined
door of his shop.
as usual
with
all
kinds of
masks with pink cheeks, and absurd masks with
protuberant chins curious Tr/oocrwxa copied from old tragic models
masks of paper for children, of fine silk for ladies, and of leather
masks
beautiful
;
for
working men
;
;
bearded or beardless, gilded or waxen (most of
them, indeed, were waxen), big or little masks. And in the
middle of this vain galaxy hung the presentment of a Cyclops
face, carved cunningly of gold, with a great sapphire in its brow.
The sun gleamed brightly on the window, and on the bald head
and varnished shoes of fat little Mr. Aeneas. It was too early for
any customers
to
come, and Mr. Aeneas seemed
to be greatly
He smiled complacently as
enjoying his leisure in the fresh air.
he stood there, and well he might, for he was a great artist, and
was patronised by
several
crowned heads and not a few of the
the evening before, Mr. Brummell had come into
his shop and ordered a light summer mask, wishing to evade, for a
nobility.
Only
time, the jealous vigilance of
Aeneas to think that his art
high secrets.
who,
at this
scathed
He
Lady Otterton. It pleased Mr.
made him recipient of so many
smiled as he thought of the titled spendthrifts,
moment, perdus behind
among
their creditors.
his masterpieces, passed
He was
his day, always able to give absolution.
un
the secular confessor of
An
unique position
!
The
The Happy Hypocrite
22
was as quiet as a village street. At an open window
over the way, a handsome lady, wrapped in a muslin peignoir, sat
It was La Signora Gambogi, and
sipping her cup of chocolate.
Mr. Aeneas made her many elaborate bows. This morning,
The
street
however, her thoughts seemed
far
away, and she did not notice
Nettled at her negligence, Mr.
Aeneas was on the point of retiring into his shop, when he saw
Lord George Hell hastening up the street, with a posy of wild
the
little
man
s
polite efforts.
flowers in his hand.
"
His lordship
visit to
Not
is
up betimes
La
Signora, I
so,
however.
"
!
he said to himself.
"
An
early
suppose."
His
lordship
came
straight
towards the
Once he glanced up at the Signora s window and
mask-shop.
He came
looked deeply annoyed when he saw her sitting there.
quickly into the shop.
I want the mask of a
"
"
Mask
briskly.
saint,"
he
said.
said Mr. Aeneas,
of a saint, my lord ?
Certainly
His Grace the Bishop of St.
"With or without halo ?
"
!
Your lordship does not
Aldreds always wears his with a halo.
wish for a halo ? Certainly. If your lordship will allow me to
take his measurement
Have
I must have the mask to-day," Lord George said.
you none ready-made ?
Ah, I see. Required for immediate wear," murmured Mr.
"
"
"
"
You see, your lordship takes a rather large
Aeneas, dubiously.
And he looked at the floor.
size."
"
he cried suddenly
assistant, who was putting
Julius
the finishing touches to a mask of Barbarossa which the younoking of Ztirremberg was to wear at his coronation, the following
Do you remember the saint s mask we made
week.
"Julius
"
to his
"
!
!
for
Mr. Ripsby,
a couple of years ago
"
r
"
Yes,
Max Beerbohm
By
"
Yes,
"I
on
it
is
sir,"
thought
so,"
replied
"
It s stored
23
upstairs."
Mr. Aeneas.
Mr. Ripsby only had
"
Step upstairs, Julius, and bring
hire.
just
said the
boy.
what your lordship would wish.
it
down.
Spiritual,
I
fancy
yet
it
hand
some."
"Is
it
a
mask
that
is
even
George asked, gravely.
It was made precisely
"
was made
as
as a
mirror of true
such,"
Mr. Ripsby
love?"
Lord
the mask-maker answered.
wear at his silver wedding,
and was very highly praised by the relatives of Mrs. Ripsby.
Will your lordship step into my little room
"
In fact
it
for
to
?"
So Mr. Aeneas
led the
way
He
to his parlour behind the shop.
was elated by the distinguished acquisition to his clientele, for
He
hitherto Lord George had never patronised his business.
bustled round his parlour and insisted that his lordship should take
a chair and a pinch from his snuff-box, while the saint s mask was
being found.
Lord George s eye travelled along the rows of framed letters
from great personages, which lined the walls.
He did not see
them, though, for he was calculating the chances that La Gambogi
had not observed him,
as
he entered the mask-shop.
He
had
come down so early that he had thought she would be still abed.
That sinister old proverb, La jalouse se leve de bonne heure, rose in
his memory.
His eye fell unconsciously on a large, round mask
made of dull silver, with the features of a human face traced over
its
surface in faint filigree.
"Your
lordship
wonders what mask that
Aeneas, tapping the thing with one of
?"
"
I
that
ought not
mask
Mr.
chirped
Lord George murmured.
my lord," said the mask-maker.
know your lordship would respect a professional secret, a
"What is
I
is
his little finger nails.
?"
to divulge,
"
But
secret
of
The Happy Hypocrite
24
of which
I
am
pardonable proud.
the sun-god, Apollo,
"
"
You astound
Of no less a
me,"
said
This,"
heaven
bless
he
is
said,
a
mask
for
!
Lord George.
When
Jupiter, his
person, I do assure you.
lord of the day, Apollo craved that he might
made him
father,
whom
sometimes see the doings of mankind
in the
hours of night time.
When next Apollo had
a request.
Jupiter granted so reasonable
and darkness had fallen
passed over the sky and hidden in the sea,
on all the world, he raised his head above the waters that he might
watch the doings of mankind in the hours of night time. But,"
Mr. Aeneas added, with a smile, his bright countenance made
Men rose from their couches or from their
light all the darkness.
"
revels,
that day was so soon come, and went to their
Apollo sank weeping into the sea.
Surely, he
thing that I alone, of all the gods, may not
wondering
And
work.
it
cried,
is
a bitter
watch the world
as I
am
told,
in the hours of night time.
men
are even as gods are.
They
couches they
lids.
None
my
from me.
for I
the wine and
laugh to
down
last,
at
of these things
and sleep comes to kiss their eye
Wherefore the bright
I see.
may
even as a curse to me and I would put it
he wept, Vulcan said to him, I am not the
cunning of the gods, nor the least pitiful. Do not weep,
will give you that which shall end your sorrow.
Nor need
ness of
least
lie
in those hours,
spill
Their daughters dance in the light ot
the sound of flutes.
On their long
are wreathed with roses.
torches.
For
They
beauty
And
is
as
And Vulcan
you put from you the brightness of your beauty.
made a mask of dull silver and fastened it across his brother s face.
And
that night, thus masked, the
sun-god rose from the sea and
watched the doings of mankind in the night time. Nor
any
longer were men abashed by his bright beauty, for it was hidden
by the mask of
silver.
Those whom he had
so often seen haggard
over
Max Beerbohm
By
25
over their daily tasks, he saw
feasting now and wreathed with red
He heard them laugh to the sound of flutes, as their
roses.
danced in the red
daughters
down upon
length they lay
he sank back into the sea and hid
their eyelids,
rock in the bed of the
little
Apollo watches them often
some
"
pale
I
Nor have men
sea.
in the
And when
of torches.
light
their soft couches,
and
at
sleep kissed
mask under a
his
ever
known
night time, but fancied
it
that
to be
goddess."
myself have always thought
it
was
Diana,"
said
Lord George
Hell.
"
An
error,
!
lord
said Mr. Aeneas, with a smile.
he tapped the mask of dull silver.
my
And
"
signum
"
"
!
Ecce
said his lordship.
And pray how comes it that
Strange
Apollo has ordered of you this new mask?"
He has always worn twelve new masks every year, inasmuch
"
"
"
!
"
as
no mask can endure
face, before
tarnishes,
so very
for
many
nights the near brightness of his
which even a mask of the
and wears away.
many
masks.
best
and purest
soon
silver
Centuries ago, Vulcan tired of making
And
so Apollo sent
Mercury down
to
Athens, to the shop of Phoron, a Phoenician mask-maker of great
skill.
Phoron made Apollo s masks for many years, and every
month Mercury came to his shop for a new one. When Phoron
died, another artist was chosen, and when he died, another, and so
on through all the ages of the world. Conceive, my lord, my
pride and pleasure when Mercury flew into my shop, one night
year,
and made
privilege
that any
last
said
post
"
me Appolo
s
warrant-holder.
mask-maker can
upon
It
is
the highest
And when
desire.
Mr. Aeneas, with some emotion,
"
Mercury
I
die,"
will confer
my
another."
And do
they pay you
for
your labour
Mr. Aeneas drew himself up
"
?
Lord George
to his full height,
such as
asked.
it
was.
"In
The Happy Hypocrite
26
my
Olympus,
"In
he
lord,"
said,
"they
so high a privilege
any mask-maker,
is
its
have no currency. For
own reward. Yet the
than
shines more brightly into my shop
does he suffer his rays to melt any waxen
mask made by me, until its wearer doff it and it be done with."
I must
At this moment, Julius came in with the Ripsby mask.
is
sun-god
He
generous.
Nor
into any other.
"
pardon for having kept you so long," pleaded
But I have a large store of old masks and they
ask your lordship
Mr. Aeneas.
"
are imperfectly
It certainly
s
catalogued."
was
a beautiful
and devotional brow.
George took
it
It
gingerly in
mask, with
its
smooth, pink cheeks
was made of the finest wax. Lord
It
his hands and tried it on his face.
fitted a merveille.
the expression exactly as your lordship would wish
"Is
?"
said
Mr. Aeneas.
Lord George laid it on the table and studied it intently.
wish it were more as a perfect mirror of true love," he said
"I
at
It is too
calm, too contemplative."
said Mr. Aeneas.
Selecting a fine pencil,
Easily remedied
With a brush
deftly he drew the eyebrows closer to each other.
"
length.
"
"
!
some scarlet pigment, he put
And, behold it was the mask of a
steeped in
!
lips.
Lord George
"And
for
s
a fuller curve
saint
who
upon the
loves dearly.
heart throbbed with pleasure.
how
long does your lordship wish to wear
"
it ?
asked
Mr. Aeneas.
"
must wear
I
it
until I
die,"
replied
Lord George.
Kindly be seated then, I pray," rejoined the little man.
For I must apply the mask with great care. Julius, you will
"
"
assist
me
"
!
So, while Julius heated the inner side of the
a
little
waxen mask over
lamp, Mr. Aeneas stood over Lord George, gently smearing
his
By Max Beerbohm
27
with some sweet-scented pomade. Then he took the
mask and powdered its inner side, all soft and warm now, with
his features
a fluffy puff.
"Keep quite still, for one instant," he said, and
So
clapped the mask firmly on his lordship s upturned face.
soon as he was sure of its perfect adhesion, he took from his
hand a silver file and a little wooden spatula, with
which he proceeded to pare down the edge of the mask, where it
At length, all traces of the
joined the neck and ears.
assistant s
"join"
were obliterated.
remained only to arrange the curls of the
lordly wig over the waxen brow.
The
disguise
It
was done.
When
Lord George looked through
the eyelets of his mask into the mirror that was placed in his
hand, he saw a face that was saintly, itself a mirror of true love.
He felt his past was a dream. He felt
wonderful it was
How
!
he was
mask
"
s
a
new man
parted
Proud
His voice went strangely through the
indeed.
he thanked Mr. Aeneas.
lips, as
to have served
pocketing his fee of
your
fifty
lordship,"
said that little
guineas, while he
bowed
his
worthy,
customer
out.
When
he reached the
Lord George nearly uttered a
For there, right in his
street,
curse through those sainted lips of his.
way, stood La Gambogi, holding a small, pink parasol. She
her hand upon his sleeve and called him softly by his name.
passed her by without a word.
Again she confronted him.
"
I
cannot
let
so
go
though he spurn
me
!
handsome
"
to
lover,"
she laughed,
"
He
even
Do
your posy of wild flowers.
me
a
laid
not spurn me, George.
Give me
Why, you never looked so lovingly at
:
in all
your
life
Madam," said
know
The
!
Lord George,
And
"
sternly,
I
have not the honour
he passed on.
lady gazed after her lost lover with the blackest hatred in
her
you."
The Happy Hypocrite
28
across the road to a certain
Presently she beckoned
her eyes.
spy.
And
the spy followed him.
Lord George, greatly agitated, had turned into Piccadilly. It
was horrible to have met this garish embodiment of his past on the
The mask-maker s elevating
very threshold of his fair future.
ceremony of
talk about the gods, followed by the initiative
mask, had driven
thoughts of Jenny Mere.
saintly
his
discordant memories from his love-
all
And
met by La Gambogi
It might be that, after his stern words, she would not again
seek to cross his path.
Surely she would dare not mar his sacred
Yet, he
love.
knew
then to be
her dark, Italian
!
nature, her
of
passion
What was
the line in Virgil ?
something.
Spretaeque
knew but that, somehow, sooner or later, she might come
between him and his love ?
revenge.
Who
He was about to pass Lord Barrymore s mansion. Count
Karoloffand Mr. FitzClarence were lounging in one of the lower
windows.
Would they know him under his mask ? Thank
God, they did
not.
They
merely laughed
he went by, and
as
Mr. FitzClarence cried in a mocking voice, Sing us a hymn,
Mr. Whatever-your-saint s-name-is
The mask, then, at least,
was perfect. Jenny Mere would not know him. He need fear
no one but La Gambogi. But would not she betray his secret ?
"
;
!
He
sighed.
That night he was going
love to the
little actress.
him
for his
saintly face.
face
is
He
to visit
Garble
Had
give
my
was
as
true
a
love
tarnished
?
and to declare
she not said, u
wonderful as are the faces of the
"
s
his
never doubted that she would love
That man whose
saints,
to
him
I
will
She could not say now that his face
mirror of love.
She would smile on
him.
By Max Beerbohm
She would be
him.
Garble
s
his bride.
29
But would La Gambogi be
at
?
The operette would not be over before ten that night. The
clock in Hyde Park Gate told him it was not yet ten
ten o the
Twelve whole hours
morning.
at
Jenny
memories,"
"
!
wait,
before he could
fall
I
him out
the jarvey drive
When
to
cannot spend that time in this place of
he thought. So he hailed a yellow cabriolet and bade
feet
s
to the village of
they came to the
little
Kensington.
wood where he had been but
a
few hours ago, Lord George dismissed the jarvey. The sun, that
had risen as he stood there thinking of Jenny, shone down on his
altered face.
waxen
But, though
features.
passed by under
wandered among the
Presently he
it
shone very
fiercely,
it
did not melt his
The old woodman, who had shown him his way,
He
a load of faggots and did not know him.
came
trees.
to the
was a lovely wood.
bank of that tiny stream, the Ken,
It
flowed there in those days.
On the moss of its bank
he lay down and let its water ripple over his hand.
Some bright
pebble glistened under the surface, and, as he peered down at it, he
which
saw
A
stream the reflection of his mask.
great shame
that he should so cheat the girl he loved.
Behind that
there would still be the evil face that had repelled her.
in the
rilled
fair
still
him
mask
Could he be
so base as to decoy her into love of that
most
in
genious deception ?
a hatred of himself.
He was filled with a great pity for her, with
And yet, he argued, was the mask indeed a
mean
it
trick
and of
?
Surely
his true love.
was
a secret
His face was
symbol of
evil,
his true
because his
repentance
had been
life
He
had seen a gracious girl, and of a sudden his very soul
had changed.
His face alone was the same as it had been.
It
evil.
was not just that
There was the
his face should be evil
faint
still.
sound of some one sighing.
Lord George
looked
The Happy Hypocrite
30
looked up, and there, on the further bank, stood Jenny Mere,
blushed and hung her
watching him. As their eyes met, she
head.
She looked like nothing but a tall child, as she stood there,
sunburnt
limp frock of lilac cotton and her
he could only gaze at her.
dared not speak
her side,
Suddenly there perched astride the bough of a tree, at
with her
straight,
He
straw bonnet.
that
fore
;
winged and laughing child,
Lord George could warn
and vanished
in her heart,
whose hand was
her, an arrow had
in
a
bow.
flashed
Be
down
and Cupid had flown away.
No
to her
cry of pain did she utter, but stretched out her arms
He leapt quite lightly over the little
lover, with a glad smile.
stream and knelt at her feet.
It seemed more fitting that he
should kneel before the gracious thing he was unworthy of.
she, knowing only that his face was as the face of a great
But
saint,
bent over him and touched him with her hand.
"Surely,"
kiss
she said,
good man for whom I have
me, but rise and suffer me to
love of you is lowly, and my heart is all
"you
are that
Therefore do not kneel
waited.
For
your hand.
my
to
yours."
But he answered, looking up into her fond eyes, Nay, you
queen, and I must needs kneel in your presence."
"
a
And
she shook her head wistfully, and she knelt
down
are
also, in
And as they knelt, the one to
her tremulous ecstasy, before him.
the other, the tears came into her eyes, and he kissed her. Though
her lips were only waxen, he thrilled
lips that he pressed to
He held her close to him in
with happiness, in that mimic kiss.
and they were silent in the sacredness of their love.
the
his arms,
From
his breast
he took the posy of wild flowers that he had
gathered.
"
They
are for
he whispered,
I
gathered them for you,
See
They are not withered."
"
you,"
hours ago, in this wood.
!
But
By Max Beerbohm
"
31
But she was perplexed by his words and said to him, blushing,
How was it for me that you gathered them, though you had
never seen
me
"
?
gathered
them
for
soon see you.
waited for me
How
was
"
"
I
I
it
that you,
"
?
knowing
waited,
he answered,
knowing I should
who had never seen me, yet
"
you,"
the posy and put
it
I
should see you at
And
last."
she kissed
at her breast.
And they rose from their knees and went into the wood, walk
As they went, he asked the names of the
ing hand in hand.
"These are primroses," she
flowers that grew under their feet.
would
"Did
say.
you not know?
And
these are ladies
feet,
And that white flower, climbing
forget-me-nots.
up the trunks of the trees and trailing down so prettily from the
These little yellow things are
branches, is called Astyanax.
and
these
Did you not know
buttercups.
"
I
know
And
?
the names of none of the
she laughed.
flowers,"
She looked up into his face and said timidly,
wrong of me to have loved the flowers ?
he
said.
"Is
it
worldly and
I to have
Ought
thought more of those higher things that are unseen ?
He could not answer her simplicity.
His heart smote him.
"
"Surely
the flowers are good, and did not you gather this posy
But if you do not love them, I must
me
she pleaded.
And I will try to
not.
"
for
?
be like you in
"
Love the
"
forget their names.
For
I
must
try to
all things."
flowers
always,"
he
said.
"
And
teach
me
to love
them."
So she told him
all
how some grew very
how clever the convol
about the flowers,
slowly and others bloomed in a night ;
vulus was at climbing, and how shy violets were, and why honeyShe told him of the birds, too, that sang
cups had folded petals.
in
The Happy Hypocrite
32
in the
wood,
how
she
knew them
Listen
singing.
note, that her lover
chaffinch
imitate
its
she
!
That
by their voices.
all
"
a
And
said.
is
she tried to
All the birds,
might remember.
and whenever
according to her, were good, except the cuckoo,
she heard him sing she would stop her ears, lest she should for
him
give
robbing the nests.
Every day," she said, I have
wood, because I was lonely, and it seemed to pity
"
for
come
to the
me.
But now
And
have you.
I
"
it
is
glad."
She clung closer to his arm, and he kissed her She pushed
back her straw bonnet, so that it dangled from her neck by its
For a while
ribands, and laid her little head against his shoulder.
he forgot
treachery to her, thinking only of his love and her
Will you try not to be angry
his
Suddenly she said to him,
with me, if I tell you something ?
love.
dreadful to
"
"I
am
is
something that
will
seem
he answered,
"you
cannot have anything very
tell."
very
theatre.
It
you."
Pauvrette"
dreadful to
"
It
is
poor,"
she said,
"and
every night
the only thing I can do to earn
dance
I
my
bread.
in
a
Do
She looked up shyly at him
you despise me because I dance ?
and saw that his face was full of love for her and not angry.
Do you like dancing ? he asked.
"
"
"I
hate
it,"
to-night, alas
"
You
!
she answered, quickly.
I
must dance again
need never dance
again,"
"I
in the
said
hate
it
indeed.
Yet
theatre."
her lover.
"
I
am
rich
You shall dance only for me.
pay them to release you.
Let us
Sweetheart, it cannot be much more than noon.
and
I will
go
into the town, while there
and
I
your bridegroom,
is
this
time, and
very day.
you
shall be
Why
made
my bride,
should you and I be
"
lonely
"
I
?
do not
know,"
she said.
So
By Max Beerbohm
33
So they walked back through the wood, taking a narrow path
which Jenny
said would lead them quickest to the village.
And,
they went, they came to a tiny cottage, with a garden that was
full of flowers.
The old woodman was leaning over its paling,
as
to them as they passed.
often used to envy the woodman," said Jenny,
that dear little cottage."
and he nodded
"I
"
Let us
live
there,
back and asked the old
all
then,"
man
"living
in
Lord George. And he went
he were not unhappy, living there
said
if
alone.
Tis a poor
"
folk
here for
life
pany than
"
that.
A
back.
Oh
poor
!
life
I shall die in
here
I will give
you gold
and then you can go and
said.
And he took from
and held
it
"Lovers
"But
I
No
to
in
Old men love merrier com
the snow with my faggots on
"
?
your cottage and whatever
for
live happily in the
his coat a note for
are poor, foolish
thank you
long as
can be.
It s
in
is
it,
Lord George
two hundred guineas,
town,"
derry-docks,"
kindly,
sir.
Come
I last.
a lonely place
This
man
the old
little
sum
muttered.
will keep
me
into the cottage as soon as soon
and does
my
heart good to depart
it."
"We
said
"
across the palings.
finely, as
from
answered.
to the
play, or lovers
winter I am alone with Jack Frost.
my
man
the old
me,"
wood, except little children, now and again,
like you.
But they seldom notice me. And
come
are going to be married this afternoon, in the
Lord George.
"
We
will
come
straight
back
town,"
to
our
find
me
home."
You
replied the woodman.
May you be happy
gone when you come."
And the lovers thanked him and went their way.
"
"
!
"
ll
"Are
The Happy Hypocrite
34
"Are
you very
bought the cottage
"Would
"
Jenny
"
?
you love me
he asked her,
much
as
"Ought
I
to
were quite poor,
have
little
after a pause.
when
rich
I
saw you
across the
in his heart
Lord George made
a
good
resolve.
He
put away from him all his worldly possessions.
that he had won at the clubs, fairly or foully,
accretion of gold guineas, he
his side,
would
distribute
As he walked, with
he had impoverished.
girl at
you
?
if
she said.
stream,"
And
Jenny asked.
know you were
did riot
I
rich?"
for that great price
All the
all
would
money
that hideous
among the comrades
the sweet and trustful
the vague record of his infamy assailed him, and a
He would atone. He
would shun no sacrifice that might cleanse his soul. All his
fortune he would put from him.
Follard Chase he would give
He would sell his house in St. James s
back to poor Sir Follard.
He would keep some little part of his patrimony, enough
Square.
look of pain shot behind his smooth mask.
for
him
"I
in the
wood with Jenny,
shall be quite poor,
Jenny,"
but no more.
he
said.
And
they talked of the things that lovers love to talk of, how
happy they would be together and how economical. As they were
passing Herbert s pastry-shop, which, as my little readers know,
still
stands in Kensington,
her lover
s
Jenny looked up
rather wistfully into
ascetic face.
me
she asked him,
greedy,"
have beautiful buns here
Should you think
if I wanted a
bun ? They
The simple word started latent memories of his child
Buns
hood.
He had for
Jenny was only a child, after all. Buns
were like. And as they looked at the
gotten what they
piles of
"
"
"
!
!
!
variegated cakes in the window, he said to her,
I should like to have one, too."
?
"
Which
are buns,
Jenny
"lam
By Max Beerbohm
"
I
am
almost afraid of
Are you
you,"
she said.
"
35
You must
despise
me
good that you deny yourself all the vanity and
It is wonderful not to know
pleasure that most people love ?
The round, brown, shiny cakes, with little raisins
what buns are
so.
so
!
them, are buns."
So he bought two beautiful buns, and they sat together in the
shop, eating them.
Jenny bit hers rather diffidently, but was
in
reassured
when he
Yes
cottage.
relished this
his
mask
!
said that
he, the
homely
fare, as
to his palate.
they must have buns very often in the
famous toper and gourmet of
it
St.
James
s,
passed through the insensible lips of
to rise, from the consumption
He seemed
of his bun, a better man.
But there was no time to lose now.
was already
It
past
two
So he got a chaise from the inn opposite the pastry-shop,
and they were driven swiftly to Doctors Commons. There he
o clock.
When the clerk asked him to write
purchased a special license.
What name should he assume ?
his name upon it, he hesitated.
Under a mask he had wooed this girl, under an unreal name he
must make her his bride. He loathed himself for a trickster. He
had vilely stolen from her the love she would not give him. Even
now, should he not confess himself the man whose face had
And yet, surely, it was not
frightened her, and go his way ?
just that he,
whose
soul
was transfigured, should bear
Surely George Hell was dead, and his
he dipped a pen in the ink and wrote
of a better name.
An
hour
of a dear
And
later
little
And Jenny wrote
"
George
"
name.
Heaven,"
Jenny Mere
"
for
So
want
beneath
it.
rites
Covent Garden.
evening they went home.
In the cottage that had been the
Yellow Book Vol. XI.
c
The
his old
died with him.
they were married according to the simple
registry office in
in the cool
name had
woodman
s
they had a wonderful
honeymoon.
The Happy Hypocrite
36
of gold were
king and queen in any palace
For them their tiny cottage was a palace, and
happier than they.
their
courtiers.
were
Long and
the flowers that filled the garden
No
honeymoon.
and full of kisses were the days of their reign.
Sometimes, indeed, strange dreams troubled Lord George s
Once he dreamt that he stood knocking and knocking at
sleep.
The frost
It was a bitter night.
the great door of a castle.
careless
No
enveloped him.
Presently he heard a footstep in
one came.
the hall beyond, and a pair of frightened eyes peered at him through
the grill.
Jenny was scanning his face. She would not open to
him.
With
tears
and wild words he beseeched her, but she would
stealthily, he crept round the castle
not open to him.
Then, very
and found a small casement
in
climbed swiftly, quietly through it.
some one ran to him and kissed
With
a cry of joy and
sleeping like a
After
all,
He
wall.
It was open.
In the darkness of the room,
the
him
shame he awoke.
gladly.
It
was Jenny.
his side lay
By
Jenny,
little child.
what was
a
dream
to
him
?
It could not
mar the
He cherished his true penitence for
reality of his daily happiness.
the evil he had done in the past. The past
That was indeed
the only unreal thing that lingered in his life.
Every day its
!
substance dwindled, grew fainter yet, as he lived his rustic honey
moon. Had he not utterly put it from him ? Had he not, a few
hours after his marriage, written to his lawyer, declaring solemnly
that he, Lord George Hell, had forsworn the world, that he was
where no
man would
find
him, that he desired all his worldly
and thus, among these and those of
goods
to be distributed, thus
his
testament he had
verily atoned for the
to the world.
address had he written upon this document.
its
companions
?
By
this
wrong he had done, had made himself dead indeed
No
injunctions were final and binding,
Though
it
could betray no clue of his
hiding-place.
By Max Beerbohm
37
For the rest, no one would care to seek him out.
He, who had done no good to human creature, would pass
unmourned out of memory. The clubs, doubtless, would laugh
hiding-place.
and puzzle over his strange recantations, envious of whomever he
had enriched.
They would say twas a good riddance of a rogue
and soon forget him.* But she, whose prime patron he had
been,
*
I
would
refer
my
little
once more
readers
to
the
pages
of
where
Captain Tarleton speculates upon the
disappearance of Lord George Hell and describes its effect
on the town.
Not even the shrewdest," says he, ever gave a guess
Bucks,
Contemporary
sudden
"
"
that
would throw
profligate
man.
ray of revealing light on the disparition of this
was supposed that he carried off with him a little
a
It
dancer from Garble
s,
at
which haunt
of pleasantry
he was certainly on
night he vanished, and whither the young lady never returned
Garble declared he had been compensated for her perfidy, but
again.
the
that
fact
his
he was sure she had not succumbed to
him soundly.
rejected
and hers
life
matter
is
that the
restoring all
?
Did
his
his lordship,
lordship,
say
having in
the cronies, take
The most astonishing
//
y a pas cTepreuve.
runaway should have written out a complete will,
at cards, etc. etc.
This certainly
n
money he had won
corroborates the opinion that he was seized with a sudden repentance
and
fled
over the seas to a foreign monastery, where he died at last in
That s as it may, but many a spendthrift found his
religious silence.
The
pocket chinking with guineas, a not unpleasant sound, I declare.
Regent himself was benefited by the odd will, and old Sir Follard
Follard found himself once
more
in
the ancestral
home he had
for
As for Lord George s mansion in St. James s Square, that was
sold with all its appurtenances, and the money fetched by the sale, no
feited.
bagatelle,
was given
stated wishes.
often enough.
to
various good
objects^
according to
my
lord
s
Well, many of us blessed his name we had cursed it
Peace to his ashes, in whatever urn they be resting, on
the billows of whatever ocean they float
"
!
The Happy Hypocrite
38
La Gambogi, would
been, who had loved him in her vile fashion,
As the sweet days went by,
she forget him easily, like the rest ?
She knew his
fainter and less formidable.
her
also,
grew
spectre,
mask
indeed, but
how
should she find
him
in the cottage near
He was safe hidden
dulcedo latebrarum !
Kensington
As for the Italian, she might search and search
with his bride.
or had forgotten him, in the arms of another lover.
Few and faint became the blemishes of his honeymoon.
Yes
Devia
?
!
At
that his waxen mask, though it had been the
was rather a barrier twixt him and his
was
sweet to kiss her through it, to look at her
Though
through it with loving eyes, yet there were times when it incom
moded him with its mockery. Could he but put it from him!
He must wear it all his life.
yet, that, of course, could not be.
And so, as days went by, he grew reconciled to his mask. No
It seemed to become
longer did he feel it jarring on his face.
first,
he had
means of
his
bride.
felt
happiness,
it
an integral
part of him, and, for all its rigid material, it did
forsooth express the one emotion that filled him, true love.
The
for
whose
sake Jenny gave him her heart, could not but be
face,
dear to this George Heaven, also.
Every day chastened him with
its
joy.
They lived a very
he and Jenny.
They rose betimes, like the birds, for
whose goodness they both had so sincere a love. Bread and
simple
life,
little strawberries were their
morning fare, and in the
evening they had seed cake and dewberry wine. Jenny herself
made the wine, and her husband drank it, in strict moderation,
honey and
He thought it tasted far better
never more than two glasses.
than the Regent s cherry brandy, or the Tokay at Brooks s.
Of
these treasured topes he had, indeed, nearly
forgotten the taste.
The wine made from wild berries by his little bride was
enough
for his palate.
Sometimes,
after
they had
august
dined thus
he
By Max Beerbohm
39
he would play the flute to her upon the moonlit lawn, or tell
her of the great
daisy-chain he was going to make for her
on the morrow, or
sit
silently
bedtime.
till
nightingale,
So
by
her
listening
side,
admirably
were
simple
the
to
their
days.
One
morning,
he was helping Jenny to water the flowers,
Sweetheart, we had forgotten
as
he said to her suddenly,
"
What was
there
"
"
!
we
should forget
up from her task.
Tis the mensiversary of our
"
"
"
gravely.
We
must not
"
No,
do
indeed,"
she
let
it
"
said,
asked Jenny, looking
?
wedding,"
her husband answered,
pass without
we must
some
celebration."
What
not.
shall
we
"
?
Between them they decided upon an unusual feast. They
would go into the village and buy a bag of beautiful buns and eat
them in the afternoon. So soon, then, as all the flowers were
watered, they set forth to Herbert s shop, bought the buns and re
turned
home
in very
high
George bearing a paper bag that
wholesome delicacies. Under the
spirits,
held no less than twelve of the
plane tree on the lawn Jenny sat her down, and George stretched
himself at her feet.
They were loth to enjoy their feast too soon.
dallied in childish anticipation.
They
a
tall
On
the
little
rustic table
up the buns, one above another, till they looked like
When, very gingerly, she had crowned the struc
pagoda.
Jenny
built
ture with the twelfth bun, her husband looking
tion, she clapped her
hands and danced round
it.
on with admira
She laughed so
she had a great
loudly (for, though she was only sixteen years old,
the pagoda
sense of humour), that the table shook, and, alas
Swift as a kitten, Jenny chased the
tottered and fell to the lawn.
!
buns, as they rolled, hither and thither, over the grass, catching
them
The Happy Hypocrite
40
Then she came back, flushed and
hand.
deftly with her
with her arm full of buns. She
merry under her tumbled hair,
began to put them back in the paper bag.
Dear husband," she said, looking timidly down to him, why
Your grave face rebukes me.
do not
smile too at my folly ?
them
"
"
you
Please smile a
Smile, or I shall think I vex you.
But the mask could not smile, of course. It
mirror of true love, and
much amused,
dear,"
he
it
was made
was grave and immobile.
"
at the fall of the buns,
"
said,
curve to a smile.
will not
little."
Love of you
has
I
for a
am
but
very
my lips
bound them
in
spell."
But
"
And
I can
laugh, though I love you.
He took her hand
she wondered.
gently, wishing
would
tire
of
his
understand."
and stroked
it
day, perhaps, she
It was
rigid sweetness.
not strange that she should long for a
They
do not
Some
were possible to smile.
monotonous gravity, his
it
his
I
in
little
facial
expression.
sat silently.
what
he whispered, suddenly.
For Jenny,
"Jenny,
with wide-open eyes, was gazing over his head, across the lawn.
Why do you look frightened ?
is
it?"
"
"
"
There
she said.
"
woman
a strange
is
do not
I
Her husband
s
know
"
He
She
is
nodding
for she has
"
Do
Very
"Do
evil
not notice
"
are like
an
evil
to
across the
palings,"
her."
heart sank.
head to the intruder.
me
smiling at
Somehow, he dared not
dreaded
turn his
who
she might be.
I think she
said Jenny.
"
me,"
is
foreign,
face."
her,"
he whispered.
She has
and very dark.
"
a
Does she look evil ?
Her teeth
"
pink parasol.
ivory."
not notice her.
wedding, dear
Think
!
It
is
the
mensiversary of our
"
!
"
I
wish
By Max Beerbohm
"
wish she would not smile
I
blots of
"Let
"
Oh,
"
jar.
He
me.
at
41
Her eyes
ink."
"
us eat our beautiful buns
she
"
is
in
coming
Forbid her to come
!
George heard the
!
latch of the gate
"
in
"
whispered Jenny,
!
heard the jar of heels on the gravel path.
not turn.
Only he
Jenny s hand more
was La Gambogi s.
clasped
waited for the voice.
It
"
Pray, pray, pardon
old a
are like bright
me
am
"
afraid
!
tightly,
he
as
could not mistake the back of so
I
!
I
Yet he dared
friend."
With
woman.
George turned and faced the
the courage of despair,
she smiled,
"
Even,"
his face
"
though
has changed marvel
lously."
he
"
Madam,"
between her and
our
rising
to
his
"
begone,
do not see what good
I
garden.
said,
his bride,
is
I
full
height and
command
to be served
stepping
you, from this
by the renewal of
acquaintance."
"Acquaintance!"
murmured La Gambogi, with an arch of
Surely we were friends, rather, nor
esteem for you so dead that I would crave estrangement."
her beetle-brows.
"
Madam,"
"
you
me
see
"
is
my
rejoined Lord George, with a tremor in his voice,
here very happy, living very peacefully with my
"
bride
"
"
To whom,
I
would
speaking
it
I
beseech you, old friend, present me."
he said hotly,
desecrate her sweet
"
not,"
with so infamous a name
as
name by
yours."
Your choler hurts me, old friend," said La Gambogi, sinking
composedly upon the garden-seat and smoothing the silk of her
"
skirts.
"Jenny,"
said
"
George,
then do you
retire,
pending
this lady
s
departure,
The Happy Hypocrite
42
departure, to the
were
less
me away
But Jenny clung
cottage."
frightened at your
to his
arm.
Do
"
she whispered.
side,"
not send
"
!
"Suffer
her pretty
presence,"
La Gambogi.
said
am
"Indeed I
long way from the heart of the town, that I may see
wish is only to befriend her.
her, no less than you, George.
Why should she not set you a mannerly example, giving me
come
this
My
welcome?
Come
to tell you.
and
sit
by me,
Though you
reject
bride, for I
little
my
friendship, give
have things
me,
at least,
I will not detain you overlong,
the slight courtesy of audience.
will be gone very soon.
Are you expecting guests, George ?
On dirait une masque champetre !
She eyed the couple critic
"
"Your
ally.
wife
s
she
mask,"
said,
even
"is
than
better
yours."
"What
away
does she
mean
"
?
whispered Jenny.
"Oh,
send her
!
was all George could say, "crawl from our Eden,
you poison with your venom its fairest denizen."
"Serpent,"
ere
La Gambogi rose.
Even my pride," she cried passionately,
knows certain bounds. I have been forbearing, but even in ?wy
"
"
zeal for friendship I will not be called
begone from
serpent.
will deign to beg.
Show
dear face I have so often caressed, the
me
indeed
lips
that
were dear
to
!"
George
"
I will
Yet, ere I go, there is a boon I
me, oh show me but once again, the
rude place.
this
What
started back.
does she
mean
"
?
whispered Jenny.
In
memory of our old friendship," continued La Gambogi,
Show me your own face but for
grant me this piteous favour.
one instant, and I vow I will never again remind
you that I
"
"
live.
Intercede for me,
little
bride.
Bid him unmask for me.
You
By Max Beerbohm
You
have more authority over him than
your own uxorious ringers."
What
43
Doff
I.
his
mask with
mean ? was the refrain of poor Jenny.
George, gazing sternly at his traitress,
you do not
go now, of your own will, I must drive you, man though I am,
violently from the garden."
"
"
If,"
"
does she
"
said
"Doff
your mask and
George made a
I
step of
am
gone."
menace towards
her.
she shrieked,
then / will unmask you."
Like a panther she sprang upon him and clawed at his waxen
cheeks.
fell back, mute with terror.
Jenny
Vainly did George
False saint
"
"
"
!
try to free himself
from the hideous
assailant,
who
writhed round
and round him, clawing, clawing at what Jenny fancied to be
his
With
a wild cry, Jenny fell upon the furious creature and
The
tried, with all her childish strength, to release her dear one.
There was a
combatives swayed to and fro, a revulsive trinity.
face.
loud pop, as though some great cork had been withdrawn, and La
Gambogi recoiled. She had torn away the mask. It lay before
her upon the lawn, upturned to the sky.
George stood motionless. La Gambogi stared up into his face,
and her dark flush died swiftly away. For there, staring back at
his face was even as
was the man she had unmasked, but, lo
Line for line, feature for feature, it was the
!
her,
mask had been.
his
same.
Twas
"
Madam,"
may
a saint
he
well blanch,
s
face.
your cheek
you have brought
said, in the
calm voice of despair,
when you
regard the ruin
"
The gods have
Nevertheless do I pardon you.
upon me.
avenged, through you, the imposture I wrought upon one who
was dear to me. For that unpardonable sin I am punished. As
for my poor bride, whose love I stole by the means of that waxen
semblance, of her I cannot ask pardon.
Ah, Jenny, Jenny do
not
The Happy Hypocrite
44
not look at me.
He
dissembled."
not look at me.
Turn your eyes from the foul reality that I
Do
shuddered and hid his face in his hands.
"
I
will
curse
you with the odious spectacle of
forget
me."
But, as he turned to go, Jenny
said,
I
woo me
you
less
my
will I ever
face.
Forget me,
her hands upon his wrists
laid
and besought him that he would look
"
Nor
go from the garden.
"
at her.
am
For
bewildered by your strange words.
under a mask ? And why do you imagine
indeed,"
Why
dearly, seeing your
own
face
I
did
she
you
could love
"
?
On their violet surface he saw the
looked into her eyes.
He was filled with joy and
tiny reflection of his own face.
He
wonder.
"
Surely,"
fairer,
angry.
said
"
Jenny,
your face
than the semblance that hid
Twas
it
is
well that you veiled from
face, for indeed I
was not worthy
to
even dearer to me, even
and deceived me.
me
behold
the
it
I
am
your wife now. Let me look always at your own face.
Kiss me with your
the time of my probation be over.
am
not
glory of your
too soon.
But I
full
Let
own
lips."
So he took her in his arms, as though she had been a little
and kissed her with his own lips. She put her arms round
child,
his neck, and he was happier than he had ever been.
They were
Nor lay the mask any longer upon the
alone in the garden now.
lawn,
for the
sun had melted
it.