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STRANGE THINGS TO DO IN PUBLIC
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Look at someone through a window and say, “Wow, I
look terrible today!”
Go up to someone twenty years
younger than you and tell them you
are ‘him/her’ from the future and that
the two of you NEED to talk.
Go up to a random person, look at them
closely and then scream, “YOU’RE
ONE OF THEM!” and back away
slowly.
Go to a pet store. Buy some birdseed, and as you are
leaving ask the clerk how long it will take for the birds
to grow.
Throw a small plastic ball at someone and yell, ’get
back in your ball you stupid Pokemon.
Go to the ATM machine. When the money comes out,
yell, “I WON! I WON!”
• Bring a desk in an elevator. When people come in ask them if they have an appointment.
• Visit the aquarium. Take your fishing gear.
• Go up to random people at the mall,
hold up your ID and yell, ‘HAVE YOU
SEEN THIS MAN!’
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TRUTH: YES, OFFICER, I DID SEE THE SPEED LIMIT SIGN; I JUST DIDN’T SEE YOU
POLITICS OFTEN BEGINS WITH IGNORING FACTS
DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO UNTIL YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO - OPRAH
“PISTANTHROPHOBIA” IS THE FEAR OF TRUSTING OTHERS DUE TO PAST BAD EXPERIENCES
SHOES ON? CHECK! COFFEE POURED? CHECK! CAR KEYS? CHECK! SANITY...SANITY... WHOA! WE HAVE A RUNNER!
IF OPPORTUNITY DOESN'T KNOCK, BUILD IT A DOOR
* On April 27, 1773, the British Parliament passes the
Tea Act, a bill designed to save the East India Company from bankruptcy by greatly lowering
the tea tax it paid to the British government
and, thus, granting it a monopoly on the
American tea trade.
* On May 1, 1931, President Herbert Hoover officially dedicates New York City's Empire
State Building, pressing a button from the White
House to turn on the building's lights. Hoover's gesture was symbolic; while he remained in Washington, D.C.,
someone else flicked the switches in New
York.
* On April 30, 1927, the first women's federal prison opens in Alderson, West Virginia,
to house all women serving federal sentences
of more than a year. Most were imprisoned
for drug and alcohol charges imposed during
Prohibition.
DON’T BE DISCOURAGED BY LIFE’S CLOSED DOORS. IF GOD WANT A DOOR OPENED, YOU CAN BE CERTAIN IT WIL OPEN. NOTHING CAN STOP IT
* On April 26, 1954, the Salk polio vaccine field
trials, involving 1.8 million children, begin in
McLean, Virginia. Children in the U.S., Canada
and Finland took part in the double-blind trials,
whereby neither the patient nor attending doctor
knew if the inoculation was the vaccine or a placebo.
* On April 28, 1967, boxing champion Muhammad
Ali refuses to be inducted into the U.S. Army and is
immediately stripped of his heavyweight
title. Ali, a Muslim, cited religious reasons for his
decision to forgo military service.
* On April 25, 1989, James Richardson walks out
of a Florida prison 21 years after being wrongfully convicted of killing his seven children.
Special prosecutor Janet Reno agreed to the
release after evidence showed that the conviction resulted from misconduct by the
prosecutor.
* On April 29, 1992, a jury in Los Angeles acquits four police
officers who had been charged with using excessive force in
arresting black motorist Rodney
King. The verdict enraged the
black community, prompting
three days of widespread rioting, arson and looting.
(c) 2016 King Features Synd.,
Inc.
BEING A GREAT PARENT IS FOUND SOMEWHERE BETWEEN ‘DON’T DO THAT’ AND ‘AH, WHAT THE HECK’
NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS MOVIE
I WOULDN’T READ THESE
• A democrat, a republican and a statistician go hunting. The
Democrat shoots at a deer and missing far
left. The Republican shoots at the same
deer and misses far right. The statistician
jumps up and yells, “We got him!”
• They say a Freudian slip is when you say
one thing but mean your mother.
• When the past, the present and the future
walked into a bar, I left. Things were getting tense.
• For all the math heads out there: What do you get when
you put root beer into a square glass? ‘Beer’
• What’s another name for Santa’s elves? ‘Subordinate
Clauses’!
• There’s a band called 1024MB. No one knows about them.
They haven’t gotten any gigs yet...
• Why can’t you trust an atom to tell you the truth? Everyone knows atoms make up everything.
• I always knew I would do well in school. It started when I
was in 5th grade. I wasn’t paying
attention when the English teacher
looked my way and said, “Name
two pronouns.” Looking around at
the other students, I said, “Who
Me?”
I WAS SO ANGRY WHEN PEOPLE TOLD ME TO STOP IMPERSONATING A FLAMINGO I HAD TO PUT MY FOOT DOWN...
THE LONGEST DISTANCE FLOWN BY ANY CHICKEN IS 301 1/2 FEET
SPEEDING TICKET—A TAX ON IMPATIENCE
WHEN I WAS A KID....WAIT, I STILL DO THAT!
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GIVE GOD YOUR WEAKNESSES AND HE WILL GIVE YOU HIS STRENGTH
GOD HAS PERFECT TIMING
NOTHING CAN STOP GOD’S PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE
IN CHRIST ALONE IS HOPE FOUND
PROMISE
Let us learn to rest on God’s promises and embrace them. Let
us not doubt that every word of God about His people concerning things future, shall as surely be fulfilled as every
word about them has been fulfilled concerning things past.
Their safety is secured by promise. The world, the flesh, and
the devil, shall never prevail against any believer. Their acquittal at the last day is secured by promise. They shall not
come into condemnation, but shall be presented spotless before the Father's throne.
Their final glory is secured by promise. Their Savior shall
come again the second time, as surely as He came
the first--to gather His saints together and to give
them a crown of righteousness.
Let us be persuaded of these promises. Let us
embrace them and not let them go. They will never fail us. God's word is never
broken. He is not a man
that He should lie.
We have the seal of
Christ's blood to assure us, that what
God has promised God
will perform.
Excerpted from Expository Thoughts on the Gospels by
J. C. Ryle
DON’T GET MAD. DON’T GET EVEN. DO BETTER! RISE ABOVE! GET SO ENGROSSED IN YOUR OWN SUCCESS THAT YOU FORGET IT EVER HAPPENED
COMMIT TO THE LORD WHATEVER YOU DO AND HE WILL ESTABLISH YOUR PLANS - PROVERS 16:3
A MAN WITHOUT GOD IS A MAN YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT
GOD SOMETIMES TAKES US INTO TROUBLED WATERS, NOT TO DROWN US, BUT TO CLEANSE US
DON’T LET SOMEONE WHO HAS DONE NOTHING TELL YOU HOW TO DO ANYTHING
I DON’T WANT TO BRAG BUT I STILL FIT INTO THE EARRINGS I WORE AT MY HIGH SCHOOL PROM
* It was early 20th-century financier, philanthropist and political consultant Bernard Baruch who made the following sage
observation: "Millions of people saw the apple
fall, but Newton was the one to ask why."
* You might be surprised to learn that beloved
American musician Johnny Cash wrote more
than just songs; in 1953, before he started his music career, Cash wrote a science-fiction tale called
"The Holografik Danser."
* According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there
are at least 350 languages spoken in American homes.
GOD’S PLANS ARE ALWAYS BETTER THAN YOUR DREAMS
* In the mid 17th century, the French colony of New France in
present-day Canada was running desperately short of currency.
Without cash on hand, the government representatives were
unable to pay soldiers or purchase provisions to sustain them.
After spending eight months using his personal fortune to provide for the soldiers, Jacques De Meulles, New France's intendant of justice, police and finance, took matters into his own
hands. He used playing cards to create notes of currency and
issued an ordinance requiring everyone to accept the cards as
cash. Though this was meant to be a short-term financial device, the cards continued to be used for nearly 75 years.
* Those who study such things say that lightning flashes 100 to
125 times every second worldwide.
* Historians say that the romance between Cleopatra,
Ptolemaic Egypt's last active pharaoh, and Roman
statesman Julius Caesar was something of a MayDecember romance: She was 21 and he was
54.
* Mexico has the world's highest per-capita rate
of carbonated beverage consumption.
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Thought for the Day: "I want to stay as close to the
edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you
see all kinds of things you can't see from the center." -- Kurt
Vonnegut, Jr.
(c) 2016 King Features Synd., Inc.