Getting Started Early
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Revising an Essay
There is no such thing as good writing. There is only good rewriting.
Louis Brandeis
The main thing I try to do is write as clearly as I can. I rewrite a good deal to make it clear.
E.B. White
You write a first draft to figure out what you are trying to say. You write a second draft to say it well.
Dr. Margaret Procter
Once it’s done, put it away until you can read it with new eyes. When you’re ready, pick it up and read it as if you’ve never
read it before. If there are things you aren’t satisfied with as a reader, go in and fix them as a writer: that’s revision.
Neil Gaiman
Revision involves more than tinkering with sentences or catching typos. A revision is a holistic review and
possible reworking of every element of a draft from largest to smallest. By revising, you give yourself the
opportunity to produce good writing. After all, when you write a first draft, you are still exploring your ideas
and figuring out how they fit together. By stepping back from that draft and reading your work critically, you
can see ways to improve the organization, the argument, and even the content. You can also see (and hear) ways
to improve the paragraphs, sentences, and words. (Remember, critically means objectively, not negatively.)
Yet many students may avoid this essential step. If you dislike revising, some of these reasons may sound familiar:
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You could write high school essays in one draft.
You don’t want to undo all that work.
You hate to let go of any ideas or sentences.
You are tired of the topic and your argument.
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You dislike your own writing.
You fear discovering that the draft is awful.
You are not sure how to go about revising.
You have run out of time.
With a better understanding of revision, how to approach it, and how it can help, you can get past these reasons. We
will discuss critical reading, ways to create a critical distance between you and your own writing, and steps to take in
the revision process. This handout includes the workshop notes, a revision checklist, and several short exercises.
Popular myth about revising
If I were a good writer, I would write a good first draft.
Corollary myth
Because I need to revise my writing, I must be a bad writer.
What is critical reading?
Critical reading involves analyzing and evaluating as you read. Instead of simply absorbing the information in a
text, you take a step back to examine the text more objectively. What is the purpose of this piece of writing? For
whom was it written? How has the writer organized the information? How effective is this structure? What
argument is the writer making? How has the writer supported that argument? How convincing is this evidence?
These questions—and others—help you to take the text apart (analyze) and assess its value (evaluate). At
university, critical reading is an essential skill. Whether you are reading course materials or choosing research
sources, you will take this objective, questioning, academic stance. And when you revise your own writing, you
will need to take the same approach.
How can you achieve critical distance?
To revise your own writing, you need to read your draft critically. But how can you detach yourself from your
own ideas and wording? Achieving critical distance can be difficult because you know exactly what you
intended to express. Somehow, before you revise, you have to make your own writing look and sound less
familiar so that you can analyze it and evaluate it. You have to see your draft afresh.
To achieve this critical distance, try one or more of these strategies:
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Put your draft aside for at least a day. This is the best way to detach yourself from your writing.
Make the draft look different: print it out in a different colour, change the font, or change the size.
Make the draft sound different: read it aloud, or ask a friend to read it aloud to you.
Change your location. Revise your writing in a different place from where you write.
Change your schedule. Revise your writing at a different time of day from when you write.
Change your mindset. Work on an assignment for a different course before you start revising.
(with suggestions from The Artful Edit by Susan Bell)
How should you approach the revision task?
Once you have achieved some critical distance, you will want to take a two-step approach to revision.
Step 1 Review the larger elements of your draft. Print out a double-spaced copy of your draft in 12-point
Times New Roman. Spread the pages out on your desk so that you can see and review the larger elements—the
content, argument, and organization. If you find issues here, you will probably need to rethink, reorder, and
possibly rewrite before you revise any other aspects of your draft.
Step 2 Once you have revised these larger elements, you can pay attention to the stylistic and mechanical
aspects of your draft—the clarity, fluency, and accuracy of your paragraphs and sentences. Read your draft
slowly aloud to hear any problems that your eyes miss and to listen to the tone of your writing. During this
second step, you can choose to work either on paper or on screen—whichever medium suits you better.
In other words, you will want to review and revise the big picture before you focus on the details. Let’s take a
closer look at each step.
STEP 1: THE LARGER ELEMENTS
To begin, print out your draft double-spaced. You will see the larger elements of your essay more clearly.
Purpose and audience
As a first step to revision, reread your assignment instructions. Make sure that you have accomplished the
specific task that your instructor has set out. Have you fulfilled all the requirements? Have you taken the
appropriate method of approach (e.g., argue, analyze, evaluate, compare)? Sometimes the professor expresses
the task as a research question. Does your draft (and your thesis in particular) clearly answer that question?
Keep in mind the audience for this essay. Even though your instructor or TA will mark the paper, you might
want to imagine a smart classmate as your reader. Does your draft provide this person with what he or she
wants or needs to know? Does the draft fit into the course as a whole (its concepts and ways of thinking)?
Content
Now think about the content. In a research essay, you will gather different types of material to support your
argument. Many professors require the use of scholarly sources. You may also be asked to read one or more
texts closely and use examples from those texts. Whenever you use another person’s ideas or words, you must
cite that material accurately. You must also show the reader how and why that material supports your argument.
In addition, you will want to observe how much summarizing or narrating your draft includes. Does your reader
need this information? Most university writing assignments ask you to apply critical thinking to any research
materials. In your draft, therefore, you should not simply describe the materials you read. Instead, you will want
to use these materials to support your ideas.
Analysis, argument, and evaluation
Most academic essays require a strong argument. To create that argument, you will analyze your specific topic,
do research, take notes, synthesize your ideas, and create a clear, detailed thesis. Part of your argument may
involve evaluation—assessing the relative value, success, or effectiveness of some aspect of your topic.
When you are revising, you will want to check your thesis and assess the strength of your argument. Does your
thesis express a clear position on the topic? Is that position debatable? Have you broken the argument into
specific claims? Have you provided enough evidence and reasoning to convince the reader of each claim?
Make sure as well that the thesis and the claims work together. Often when we write, our ideas change. You
may find that your paragraphs do create an argument, but the argument now differs from the thesis. If so, simply
revise the thesis to reflect your new argument.
Organization and paragraphing
To organize an essay effectively, always keep the reader in mind. Even though you know exactly how your
argument fits together, the reader does not. He or she must follow your thinking step by step, claim by claim,
paragraph by paragraph. Does your argument unfold in a logical sequence? For good advice on organizing a
paper, see the U of T handout called “Organizing an Essay.” You can find it at www.writing.utoronto.ca.
By creating a reverse outline, you can check the organization of your paper, the development of your
argument, and the strength of your paragraphs. Many descriptions of this popular technique appear online.
STEP 2: THE SMALLER ELEMENTS
After you have revised the larger elements, you could either print out the new draft or work on screen.
Clarity and fluency
As a writer, you want your ideas to be clear and your language to flow. During this second step of the revision
process, look closely at each sentence to see whether it expresses the idea you intended it to. Will the reader
understand it easily? Check as well the connection between sentences, especially within paragraphs and
between paragraphs. Have you provided transitions and links?
Finally, read aloud. Listen to the flow of your sentences. If you hear any awkwardness, focus on those
sentences. You may want to revise them to cut out wordiness, to correct errors, or to improve their style.
Conciseness
At the sentence level, wordiness can distract readers, obscure ideas, and lengthen writing unnecessarily. You
can learn many techniques for trimming your sentences, some of which we will practise today.
Word choice
Precise word choice helps you to express your ideas clearly and effectively. A first draft will almost always
contain imprecise language. After all, you are still exploring your ideas. But when you revise, use a dictionary
to make sure that the words you have chosen say exactly what you mean. In particular, check your use of
specialized, course-related terms to ensure that you have used them correctly. Finally, don’t be afraid of plain,
simple words. These words can express ideas clearly and effectively.
Grammar, punctuation, spelling, and citation
The details always count in writing, and small errors can spoil the quality of your ideas. When you are revising,
make sure that every sentence is correct. Read your draft aloud to listen for language mistakes that your eyes
can no longer spot. Catch every spelling error and typo. Review every in-text citation carefully. Check every
entry in your bibliography. If possible, proofread on paper rather than on screen.
Appropriate tone
What is tone? We can define it as the writer’s attitude towards the reader and the subject. Tone of writing is like
tone of voice: it affects the reader’s (listener’s) emotional response to the text. Word choice, sentence structure,
and even punctuation create the tone of your writing. Again, read your draft aloud to listen to the tone. Does the
writing speak respectfully to the reader? Does the tone communicate your interest in the topic and your
confidence in your argument?
The REVISION CHECKLIST at the end of this handout offers specific questions based on this two-step
process and these specific larger and smaller text elements. This checklist may help you to critically read your
draft and pinpoint the aspects of your writing that need work.
Where can you find more help learning how to revise?
The U of T writing website offers advice sheets on many of these topics. See www.writing.utoronto.ca
The UTSC writing centre has created additional handouts. See http://www.utsc.utoronto.ca/twc/welcome
The UC Writing Centre can help you to take this step in the writing process. Book an appointment.
Aside: What if you don’t have enough to say?
Not every writer struggles to be concise. Some writers have trouble filling the number of pages required. If you
are one of those writers, resist the temptation to expand your sentences with extra words. As well, do not use
formatting techniques (wider margins, larger font size, increased line spacing) to spread out your writing.
Instructors immediately spot fluff and funny stuff. Instead, consider these strategies:
Check the assignment instructions. Have you accomplished the entire task? Perhaps you need to do more
research or to analyze the topic more thoroughly.
Check your argument with a reverse outline. Have you left out any logical steps? Have you ignored any
possible counterarguments? Think about what your reader needs to follow your argument and find it
convincing. Overall, does the essay provide enough evidence and reasoning to persuade the reader?
Check paragraph length. If a paragraph is short, does it need more development? Have you provided
enough evidence and reasoning to support the specific claim made in the topic sentence?
Check your use of evidence. Have you offered insight into the sources that you use? Have you shown the
reader how and why that source supports your argument? Or have you assumed (perhaps wrongly) that the
reader will see that connection without your help?
Check your use of quotations. Have you introduced each one and followed it up with commentary?
Ten Best Revision Tips
1. Start working on your assignments early. Build in time for revising.
2. Put your draft aside for at least a day.
3. Print out the draft double-spaced.
4. Reread the assignment sheet carefully.
5. Take a two-step approach (larger elements, then smaller elements).
6. Do a reverse outline.
7. Read aloud slowly.
8. Use a dictionary.
9. Proofread on paper.
10. Book an appointment at the writing centre for help with any stage of the writing process.
Written by Rebecca Vogan, University College Writing Centre.
All handouts and slide presentations for Getting Started Early are available after the last workshop at
http://www.uc.utoronto.ca/getting-started-handouts
Exercises for conciseness and plain language (for fun)
The best writing is concise and explicit. Wordiness and fussy diction distract readers, slow the pace, and muffle ideas.
EXERCISE ONE Overuse of linking verbs
We can identify two main types of verbs: action verbs and linking verbs. Action verbs show what the subject is doing.
Linking verbs (such as to be) simply describe the subject’s existence. Since the sentence has no action, the writing sags.
As well, wordiness creeps in. In each sentence below, replace the linking verb with an action verb.
1. The manager was successful at cutting costs.
2. My professor is a firm believer in service learning.
3. Citizens should be cognizant of their rights and responsibilities.
4. Candy is helpful when students are studying and writing.
5. The manager was not successful at building teams.
EXERCISE TWO
Superfluous abstract nouns
Each of the following sentences contains one or more unnecessary abstract nouns. These popular words (such as aspect,
basis, degree, case, type, matter, problem) often appear inside phrases. Trim them out.
1. He attended yoga class on a weekly basis, hoping to improve the problem of his flexibility.
2. The publisher asked all types of editors to attend the sales conference event.
3. Although the argument was of a serious nature, they knew their relationship situation was solid.
4. The spokesperson for the undergraduate student community discussed the issue of rising tuition.
5. Students show a strong degree of interest in the type of course that offers internship options.
EXERCISE THREE
Vague noun phrases
Sometimes a writer uses a long-winded noun phrase to describe (vaguely) a specific person, place, object, or concept. In
the following sentences, replace each descriptive phrase with a specific noun.
1. The very young children wore one-piece water-resistant winter garments and woolen knit hats.
2. Include a well-written letter to the employer with your detailed list of skills and job experience.
3. Could you please bring me a coffee with two creams and two sugars from Tim Hortons?
4. On her way to the room in which employees each lunch, Suma talked to a fellow IBM employee.
EXERCISE FOUR
Heavy-duty nouns (also called nominalizations)
Sometimes, when verbs turn into nouns, the nouns end in –tion, −ance, or –ment. These heavy-duty nouns sound
serious, but they make sentences longer and stodgier. Specifically, they steal the action. Find the hidden verbs.
make an adjustment to
put in an appearance at
undertake a revision of
give due consideration to
have a realization that
prepare an evaluation of
carry out an investigation of
have a tendency to
come to an agreement with
engage in consultation with
make a judgement about
make a decision about
Now edit the following sentences by spotting the nominalizations and using the hidden verbs instead. Trim where you can!
1. Coach House Press has the intention to proceed with the publication of the book.
2. The publicity department is responsible for the organization of the book tour and the production of the posters.
3. If you have an expectation that I will provide a possibility for dessert, your assumptions are incorrect.
EXERCISE FIVE
Unnecessary phrases and clauses
Sometimes descriptive information given in a phrase or a clause does not need so much space. In the following
sentences, shrink the modifying phrases or clauses to single adjectives or adverbs.
1. The children, who were nervous, approached the stage in an anxious manner.
2. At our meeting, which will take place on Friday, we will discuss with due seriousness your salary.
3. The musicians, who were tired, left the stands for their music on the carpet that lies in the hallway.
4. The instructions that are provided for the assignment ask students to apply the theory in a clear way.
EXERCISE SIX
Redundancies
When writers forget the precise meaning of a word, they sometimes pair it with other, similar words, creating redundancy.
Cut the redundant words in the following expressions.
refer back
added bonus
new innovations
general public
advanced warning
final outcome
close proximity
basic necessity
consensus of opinion
important essentials
summarize briefly
surrounding circumstances
particular interest
cooperate together
circle around
completely unanimous
erode away
adequate enough
bisect in two
end result
fellow colleagues
small in size
triangular in shape
free gift
first priority
future plans
local resident
persist still
major breakthrough
usual custom
present incumbent
trained professional
resume again
true facts
new beginning
visible to the eye
passing fad
invited guest
total annihilation
EXERCISE SEVEN
Wordy expressions
Wordy expressions, sometimes called circumlocutions, require several words to do the work of one. Replace each of the
following familiar expressions with a one-word equivalent.
ahead of schedule
in advance of
a certain number of
in regard to
a large number of
in spite of the fact that
a percentage of
in the best of health
a sufficient number of
in the course of
a small proportion of
in the event of
at the present time
in the neighbourhood of
owing to the fact that
in the not too distant future
despite the fact that
in this day and age
due to the fact that
on condition that
EXERCISE EIGHT
Filler expressions
Some expressions add little or no meaning to a sentence. Often you can just lift them out of a sentence. In the following
sentences, remove any filler expressions. Tip: Most expressions that include the word fact are filler.
1. The restaurant serves both lasagna and linguine, as a matter of fact.
2. In a very real sense, your decision to go vegan has surprised me.
3. The dryer is in the process of spinning, for all intents and purposes.
4. In the final analysis, the employees find the working conditions quite acceptable.
5. The fact of the matter is, we have never enjoyed Brussels sprouts.
6. The editor wept over the manuscript, in a manner of speaking.
7. She knew, at the end of the day, that she would probably visit the writing centre.
EXERCISE NINE Stuffy language in familiar expressions
In Polishing Your Prose: How to Turn First Drafts into Finished Work, Steven M. Cahn and Victor Cahn offer many
strategies to make writing more powerful, including “avoid jargon and bombast” (8). For each of the following sayings
(provided by Cahn and Cahn), find the familiar expression buried under stuffy language.
1. Permit somnolent canines to recline in tranquility.
2. A cascading boulder amasses a vacuity of liverwort.
3. A plethora of cuisine commanders putrefy the victuals.
4. Allow that individual who is divested of iniquity to propel the initial apatite.
Revision Checklist
After you write a first draft, put your writing aside. This time away will help you to see your draft afresh and read it
critically. The following checklist uses questions to help you step back, analyze, and evaluate your writing in order to
revise it thoroughly. Take a two-step approach. Check the larger text elements first and then the smaller ones.
STEP 1: THE LARGER ELEMENTS
Purpose and audience
Have I reread the assignment instructions carefully? Does my draft fulfill all the requirements? Is it the right length?
Have I understood the purpose of this assignment? Does my writing accomplish the specific task described?
Have I taken the appropriate method of approach (e.g., by analyzing, evaluating, arguing, explaining, or comparing)?
Have I kept my reader in mind? Have I identified what that reader wants or needs to know?
Content
Have I used reliable and appropriate sources? Is the information in my paper credible and accurate?
Have I distinguished clearly between my words and ideas and those of others?
Have I given proper credit to other people’s words and ideas, using the appropriate documentation format?
Have I made any assumptions? Are they valid? Will my reader agree with them?
Are my statements specific and precise? Have I avoided vague ideas or sweeping generalizations?
Have I avoided unnecessary summarizing, describing, and narrating?
Analysis, argument, and evaluation
Have I used critical thinking to analyze (take apart) the topic and, if appropriate, to evaluate (assess)?
Is my thesis specific and complete? Does it clearly express my argument? Does it anticipate my structure?
Does each topic sentence make a specific claim linked to the thesis? Does each one act as a signpost?
Have I supported my thesis and individual claims with enough explanation, evidence, and logic?
Have I addressed any possible counterarguments? Have I anticipated the reader’s questions or doubts?
Have I offered insight into (rather than simply describing or summarizing) material from other sources?
Have I chosen effective quotations? Have I introduced each one and followed it up with commentary?
Does my conclusion summarize my argument and comment on its implications without simply repeating my thesis?
Organization and paragraphing
Have I created a reverse outline to check organization, argument, and focus?
Have I consistently followed an overall pattern (e.g., similarities/differences, comparison/contrast)?
Will the order of my paragraphs make logical sense to my reader? Does the sequence help to build my argument?
Does each paragraph develop a single topic? Are any paragraphs too long or too short?
Have I forgotten anything? Is the overall pattern complete? Have I included all essential topics and ideas?
Have I lost my focus? Do some topics not fit the overall pattern? Should I cut them or move them?
STEP 2: THE SMALLER ELEMENTS
Clarity and fluency
Does each sentence express a clear idea?
Does the order of sentences in each paragraph flow? Does each idea lead to the next one (cohesion)?
Have I included transitions and links? Can the reader easily follow my thinking from beginning to end?
When I read aloud from beginning to end, does the writing flow gracefully?
Conciseness
Does the introduction launch the paper quickly? Does the conclusion wrap up the analysis succinctly?
Have I cut out any material that the reader does not need to know or already knows?
Have I edited out any unintentional repetition, irrelevant ideas, or extraneous examples?
Have I trimmed out all unnecessary words in my sentences?
Does my writing achieve its purpose as efficiently as possible?
Word choice
Have I used any course terms, concepts, or specialized language correctly and appropriately?
Have I avoided using overly informal words, slang words, or contractions?
Have I avoided using overly formal words or pretentious words?
Have I used every word correctly, according to its precise meaning? Have I checked a dictionary?
Have I chosen strong verbs to communicate effectively?
Grammar, punctuation, spelling, and citation
Is every sentence complete? Have I fixed any fragments or run-on sentences?
Is every verb working properly? Have I chosen the right tense? Does the verb match its subject?
Does every pronoun (such as it and this) make sense? Will the reader easily understand what it means?
Have I used enough punctuation to be clear? Should I simplify the punctuation?
Have I used a spell check program? Have I used a dictionary to check any troublesome words?
Have I made sure that every citation is accurate and correctly formatted?
Have I proofread carefully, reading aloud? Have I caught every typo?
Appropriate tone
Does the writing speak respectfully to my reader?
Does the writing sound confident (rather than uncertain) and communicate interest (rather than indifference)?
Does the tone of the writing help me to achieve my purpose?
Written by Rebecca Vogan, with suggestions from Dr. Melanie Stevenson