FIU HWCOM Medical Student Counseling and Wellness Center
11200 S.W. 8th Street GL-340
Miami, FL 33199
Phone: (305)-348-1460
When someone is grieving, many of us have said “The Best” and “The Worst” things. We meant no harm, in fact, the
opposite. We were just trying to comfort. It may make sense for a professional to say, “He is in a better place” when
someone comes to them for guidance. Whereas an acquaintance saying it may not feel so good.
Some people often unintentionally trivialize grief by expressing to the person their own opinions as if that is what the
person needs to hear. While some of these opinions have been helpful to some people, the way in which they are often
said can have the exact opposite effect than what was originally intended.
The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief
1. I am so sorry for your loss.
2. I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
3. I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any
way I can.
4. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and
prayers.
5. My favorite memory of your loved one is…
6. I am always just a phone call away.
7. Give a hug instead of saying something.
8. We all need help at times like this, I am here for you.
9. I am usually up early or late, if you need anything.
10. Saying nothing, just be with the person.
The Worst Things to Say to Someone in
Grief
1. At least she lived a long life; many people die young
2. He is in a better place
3. She was always so stressed/ she brought this on
herself
4. There is a reason for everything
5. It’s been awhile, you should be feeling better by now
6. You can still have another child/miscarriage is
common at your age
7. She was such a good person God wanted her to be
with him
8. I know how you feel/I understand
9. She did what she came here to do and it was her time
to go
10. Be strong
Best & Worst Traits of people just trying to help
When in the position of wanting to help a friend or loved one in grief, often times our first desire is to try to “fix” the
situation, when in all actuality our good intentions can lead to nothing but more grief. Knowing the right thing to say is only
half of the responsibility of being a supportive emotional caregiver. We have comprised two lists which examine both the
GOOD and the NOT SO GOOD traits of people just trying to help.
The Best Traits
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Supportive, but not trying to fix it
Be about feelings
Be non-active, not telling anyone what to do
Admitting they can’t make it better
Not asking for something or someone to change
feelings
Recognize loss
Not time limited
Respect that everyone grieves in their own way
Realization that a loss may trigger feelings and
emotions from previous losses
The Worst Traits
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They want to fix the loss
They are about our discomfort
They are directive in nature
They rationalize or try to explain loss
They may be judgmental
May minimize the loss
May try and “therapize” or give advice
Put a timeline on loss
Impose their own feelings on another