CELEBRATING FATHER’S DAY
STAN IS A HUSBAND, FATHER, GRANDFATHER –
AND HE HAS ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE
Her tiny, soft hand fit perfectly inside his big, callused hand as
they walked together towards the bathroom. “Come on
Grandpa, this way” says 2 year old Awen for the fourth time
that day. She waits for Grandpa to come back so she can sit on
his lap and help him figure out who’s who in a family album.
Only age 2, Awen already knows that Grandpa needs help.
Nida knew if they were going to get to his doctor’s
appointment even close to their scheduled time, she’d have to
help him get dressed. Stan had tried to button his shirt by
himself, but it was all crooked. While talking to him about the
day they were going to have, she re-buttoned the buttons
correctly. With a big smile on his face he said “I really like it
when we work together as a team to get things done.”
Stan is losing his memory and the ability to do simple things around the house, or even for
himself. When they go to a restaurant, he doesn’t look at the menu; he can’t make sense of it
anymore. Nida asks him if he wants a pork chop or chicken; he thinks a minute and says, “I’ll
just have what you’re having.” He no longer makes a decision, even given just two choices.
Nida knows this and she knows how to help him maintain his dignity and self-respect. In order to
make his life as happy and as normal as possible, she’s gradually learned how to “speak
Alzheimer’s”. She’s learned to go along with him, not correct him or re-do things, so as not to
hurt his feelings or upset him.
For several years Stan would do and say things that, at the time, seemed a little crazy; the family
later learned it was how he made sense of the world. As the forgetting and “off” behavior
escalated, Nida took Stan to the doctor and, about four years ago, he was formally diagnosed
with Alzheimer’s disease.
When Stan and Nida married nearly 50 years ago, Stan
was working as a meatcutter for Safeway, and to
support his family of seven, added a berry farm to his
work load. He worked hard. In his spare time he loved
to read or play ball with his boys. He enjoyed
barbequing and was always quick to lend a hand.
In the Wigowsky household, things are very different
now. Stan no longer reads and can’t be trusted with
any chores because his thinking and reasoning skills
now compare with those of his 2 yr old granddaughter.
He once loved socializing and making good use of his
time; now he just sits or watches television unless
someone works with him. The other day he wasn’t sure if his youngest daughter, whom he sees
every day, was his daughter or a visitor; this brought tears to her eyes. He is starting to forget
family he doesn’t see regularly. His great sense of direction is now replaced with much
confusion.
The roles of his children and Stan definitely have been reversed. Now all are watching out for
dad, making sure his seat belt is on, ordering his food and reminding him to use his napkin. Just
answering the same questions over and over can be overwhelming.
Being a caregiver for a person with Alzheimer’s is very wearing and stressful; that’s why Nida
greatly appreciates Thelma’s Place. “Their Minder’s Keepers day program is a great place for
Stan, when I need some ‘me’ time,” she says. “ I can be sure my husband is safe and well taken
care of while I am free to run my errands or just go read, relax and re-energize!” Nida’s children
appreciate Thelma’s Place for providing a great support system to both of their parents!
To learn more about Minders Keepers day program at Thelma's Place call 503.266.5100 or visit
www.thelmasplace.org.