The Sibling Bond: Its Importance in
Foster and Adoptive Placements
A training based on the Administration for Children & Families
and the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services.
One (1) Training Hour towards Foster Parent Relicensure.
The Powerful Sibling Bond:
The Story of Anne & Amy
“Loss is all to familiar to 35-year-old Amy. First it
was her childhood. At nine, because her parents
were not able to care for her younger sister, she
became the caregiver to six-year-old Anne. Two
years later, she lost her parents and her home.
She and Anne were moved by the authorities into
foster care after it became clear that their parents
could not provide a safe and nurturing
environment. It was especially difficult for Amy,
who had to relinquish her “parental” role to her
new foster mother.”
The Powerful Sibling Bond:
The Story of Anne & Amy
“The most wrenching loss of
all was at the age of 12.
Amy’s Social Worker
believed it would be in her
best interest to live in a
home with girls her own age.
For the first time in her life,
she and her sister were
separated.”
The Powerful Sibling Bond:
The Story of Anne & Amy
“It was devastating for both of them. Amy’s
self esteem plummeted because so much of
it revolved around her ability to take care of
her sister. Anne, too, was destroyed by the
move for she no longer had the only constant
in her life. Her sister, in addition to being her
best friend, had also been her consistent
source of advice and approval.”
The Powerful Sibling Bond:
The Story of Anne & Amy
“Anne was later adopted by her foster parents and
moved with them to another State. The sisters lost
touch with each other. They also lost their ability to
trust and to form lasting relationships when they
became adults. At 35, Amy says “I will never
forget the day I had to leave my sister. We were
both crying, and I felt like the world was a terrible
and hostile place. As the months went by, I could
feel myself close up. The more I thought about
what happened to me, the more angry and bitter I
became. If the Social Worker who was supposed
to be concerned for me had the power to take
away my sister, I could never trust anyone again.”
The Powerful Sibling Bond:
The Story of Anne & Amy
“Today, the sisters are in contact with one another.
They see each other from time to time, but they do
not have the close relationship that they might have
had if they not been separated. Amy lives alone,
insists she will never be married, and prefers a
solitary existence where no one can hurt her. Anne
has been divorced twice and says that intimate
relationships are impossible for her to manage.
When someone gets too close, she unconsciously
sabotages the relationship.
The Sibling Bond
The story of Anne and Amy demonstrates
the powerful bond that exists between
siblings and what can happen when its
broken. Today, mental health experts are
beginning to recognize the significance and
power of the sibling relationship. It is, they
say, longer lasting and more influential than
any other relationship. When it is severed,
the fallout can last a lifetime.
Statistics
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Despite the new knowledge, statistics
indicate more and more siblings have to
experience the same heartbreak.
65-85% of children in care have at least one
sibling. About 30% have four or more.
Since finding homes for these children is
difficult, current estimates indicate 75% of
sibling groups are separated while in care.
For most of them, it means losing the only
significant relationship they have known.
How Strong is the Bond?
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In early childhood,
siblings are constant
companions and
playmates.
Through games and
conversation, they learn
to interact with the
larger community.
How Strong is the Bond?
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During adolescence these bonds may
weaken as they exert their independence
and individuality.
In adulthood, when they have families of
their own, the needs of their families take
precedence. However, the sibling ties often
emerge stronger during this period. They
generally want to share their struggles and
triumphs with each other.
How Strong is the Bond?
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The bond exists in
siblings from welladjusted families, but it
is even stronger for
siblings from
dysfunctional families.
They learn very early to
depend on and
cooperate with each
other to cope with their
common problems.
How Strong is the Bond?
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Separated siblings in foster care or through
adoption adds to their emotional burden. They
have already had to cope with the loss of their
parents. If they are then separated from their
siblings, they must experience the grieving
process all over again. For many children, this
separation is even more traumatic because, often
they have been abused/neglected at the hands of
their parents, which will create stronger ties to
each other than their parents.
Book: Adopting the Older Child
by Claudia Jewett
“Children separated from brothers and sisters may never
resolve their feelings of loss, even if there are new
brothers and sisters whom they grow to love. There may
be more drive in adopted adults to track down their
remembered siblings than there is to locate their birth
parents, so great a hole does the loss of a sibling leave in
one’s personal history.”
Many adopted adults desperately want to meet a person
who they think might look like them. Seeing similarities
between themselves and their biological siblings helps to
answer elusive questions they may have about their
heritage.
Today
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A greater number of former foster children
are searching for their siblings than are
searching for their biological parents. They
are suing child welfare agencies in order to
get them to release information- and they
are winning. States and courts have begun
to recognize the importance of the sibling
relationship – not only the biological
siblings, but also “psychological” siblings.
Why are Siblings Separated?
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There are no laws stating siblings must be together.
With more children entering the child welfare system, it is
becoming increasingly difficult to find families willing to
accept siblings groups.
Caseworkers may believe that separately, the siblings
may have a better chance at finding permanency since
more families want to adopt just one child.
If one sibling is victimizing the other.
The siblings may sabotage placements.
Inability for the siblings to get along- sibling rivalry
One child is the caregiver to the other causing role
confusion.
Research Findings
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When siblings are separated because of rivalry, it teaches them the
way to deal with conflict is to walk away and not work it out. Siblings
who remain together learn how to resolve their differences and develop
stronger relationships.
The responsibility felt by an older child may not necessarily be
negative. It can be used constructively by caregivers to help both
children develop appropriate roles with each other.
Even a needy child does not necessarily benefit from being an only
child. The child may become for the parents the embodiment of all their
hopes and aspirations. The child may be expected to change
troublesome behavior sooner than he/she is able.
When a sibling is removed from a home because of behavioral
problems, remaining children get the message that this may happen to
them as well. It reduces their sense of trust in adults.
Removing siblings from a home when one has victimized the other
does not guarantee the abuse will not reoccur. Therapy may be a more
appropriate intervention.
What can I do as a Foster Parent?
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If your licensing capacity is more than one, ask placement if
there are any sibling groups available.
THERE ARE ALWAYS SEPARATED SIBLINGS IN CARE!!!
At all cost try to keep siblings together, separating them may
cause behavioral problems that may be solved when they
have each other.
Just remember: If reunification is not possible, the Agency
will do everything in its power to place siblings together.
During your foster home relicensure, tell a Foster Home
Development Counselor that you are interested in taking
siblings. We will pass this information on to our Specialist
who attends Separated Sibling Staffing’s each month. They
will better be able to identify a home if we know they are
available. This speeds up the process to place these siblings
back together!
TEST
1. Mental Health experts are
beginning to recognize a sibling
relationship’s
A.
B.
C.
D.
Insignificance
Need for monitoring
Significance and power
Strengthening through separation
2. The bond between siblings in dysfunctional
families is usually______________welladjusted families.
A.
B.
C.
D.
Stronger than
Weaken than
Similar to
None of the above
3. Reasons for separating
siblings include:
A.
B.
C.
D.
Providing undivided attention for children with
problems
To avoid children banding together to sabotage
adoption
When one child has problems giving up their role
as “a parent”
All of the above, although numerous studies
invalidate these reasons
4. When older children take on
the role of “parent” to a younger
sibling,
A.
B.
C.
D.
They should be placed in different homes
Time-out methods should be used to force a
change in behavior
It can be used to help both children develop
new roles with each other
All of the above
5. When a sibling is removed
from a home,
A.
B.
C.
D.
Children may get the message the same
thing may happen to them
If separation is due to sibling rivalry, then
it teaches walking away from conflict
Abuse by one of the children may not stop
All of the above
6. Barriers to placing siblings
together may be:
A.
B.
C.
D.
Limited number of families willing to
take sibling groups
Costly search for willing foster
parents
Perception that sibling group might
overburden a family
All of the above
7. Separating siblings can lead to their
inability to form lasting relationships
later in life.
A.
B.
True
False
8. What percentage of siblings
are separated in foster care?
A.
B.
C.
D.
65%
30%
75%
95%
9. More adopted adult children try
to locate their biological siblings
than their birth parents?
A.
B.
True
False
10. What can I do as a foster
parent?
A.
B.
C.
D.
Request siblings groups
Inform Placement and Foster Home
Development that you have room for siblings
Both A & B
None of the Above