The Antinous Play by Carolyn Almos Ionic draft – September 2015 Contact: [email protected] 310-­‐497-­‐0480 all rights reserved The Antinous Play – Ionic draft 1 The play takes place in contemporary America and in the ancient Egyptian fishing village of Hir-­‐Wer, about a hundred years after the death of Christ Players: ACTOR #1: ANTHONY – 17, dark hair ANTINOUS (scene 5b) ACTOR #2: PASTOR GREG – late 20’s, a Presbyterian youth minister HADRIAN (scene 5b) ACTOR #3: RUDY – 50’s Anthony’s father DON – a deacon at Greg’s church GORE, a flamboyant ancient priest of Antinous ACTOR #4: NABOB, 20’s-­‐30’s, ancient Christian with the highest status (#1) PASTOR TIM, a colleague of Greg’s from another town POLICE OFFICER (scene 13) ACTRESS #1: MARIE, 50’s, Anthony’s mother OBADIAH, an ancient Egyptian Christian who witnesses Antinous’ death ACTRESS #2: CAROLINE, 20’s, Greg’s girlfriend and a youth group leader MEKROT, the lowest status ancient Christian, the truth-­‐speaker, very competitive (#4) ACTRESS #3: ANNIE, 16, a friend of Anthony’s, smart, talks a big game, works the system HITITE, an ancient Christian, probably with the best heart and least ego (#3) ACTRESS #4: LATOYA, 16, a friend of Anthony’s at school, an outsider more by circumstance than choice MESCHACH, an ancient Christian with high status due to recent family martyrdom (#2) 2 1 THE ANTINUOUS PLAY by Carolyn Almos. AT RISE: It is the year 130 in the Common Era. OBADIAH, an ancient Egyptian Christian man, is fishing in a boat on the Nile River. He sees someone on the shore. OBADIAH: Kid? Kid! Over here. Hi. How ya doin’. Do you mind not coming in the water right here? I’m waiting for a catfish. It’s very shy. Very skittish. If the water stirs, it -­‐-­‐-­‐ (kid is clearly continuing) Excuse me. Stop. Stop. Can you understand me? I’m asking you not to come in right here. Come in further down. You see there’s that nice sloping bank over here? Where you’re coming in, there’s a heck of a drop-­‐off and lots of reeds and underwater haz – We hear the sound of a loud splash, as though the kid has submerged himself in the water. Okay. Thanks. Thanks a lot. That’s two hours down the drain. (a beat) Kid? Where’d you go? What, are you pouting now? Sorry I yelled. It’s just that I’m a humble fisherman – you know how it is. Kid? Quit screwin’ around. The catfish is history. Damage is done. No use….. (OBADIAH starts to row furiously over to him) Lunatic, what are you doing? (He gets near where the kid went underwater, and reaches overboard. Suddenly, there is a sound from the heavens. OBADIAH starts in terror. A light shines on the spot where the kid went under.) Ahhhhhhhh! (The light and sound intensify to a blinding and deafening level. . . and then suddenly go out. OBADIAH is left alone in the stillness. He looks to the heavens.) Lord? The Antinous Play – Ionic draft 3 2 Lights change. A high school in present day. ANTHONY, 17 years old, sits in a small room with two 16 year olds, LATOYA and ANNIE. The room is off the school library –educationally inspirational posters cover the walls. ANTHONY and LATOYA keep their eyes on their books. ANNIE tries to get ANTHONY’S attention but fails. Finally she throws something at LATOYA and asks her a question. ANNIE: Who’s your little friend? LATOYA: (she just learned it too) His name’s Anthony. It’s his first year here. ANNIE: You a junior? ANTHONY: Senior, actually. ANNIE: You had to change schools your senior year? Wow that sucks donkey dicks. ANTHONY: I kind of wanted to. For colleges. It looks better. ANNIE: Hm. A young man with a keen eye to the future I see. And what brings you here today? ANTHONY: Um, I just told you. ANNIE: (as if he is extremely slow) No. What I mean is, why aren’t you having the time of your life down at the Christmas – whoops, I mean holiday, assembly? ANTHONY: I’m excused for religious reasons. LATOYA: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness too? ANTHONY: I…don’t know what that is. ANNIE: (conspiratorially) Trust me, you don’t wanna know. LATOYA: Annie has no faith. ANNIE: No, I don’t get my rocks off going door to door harassing the neighbors. ANTHONY: So….are you excused for religious reasons, or……? ANNIE: Well, as a matter of fact, my family belongs to the not-­‐completely-­‐insane yet deathly dull Presbyterian Church. ANTHONY: Oh. Don’t Presbyterians celebrate Christmas? ANNIE: Lemme tell you a little story about me, Anthony, if that is indeed your name. Picture if you will, me as a bright young Freshman, not nearly as sexy as I am now, but full of hope for my high school career. Headed off to my first pep assembly, assuming it will be a spectacular number wherein Zac Efron and his funky asexual basketball buddies will encourage me to ‘get my head in the game’. Instead, it’s a 4 paltry fluorescent-­‐lit affair in which the biggest assholes in school are featured like movie stars, and to add insult to injury, no matter how loudly I yell, they keep telling me “they can’t hear me!” So I start skipping these tributes to mediocrity and what happens? I get in trouble. I end up in detention with true criminals – kids held back so many years they’ve got an arrest record and a wife and three kids. I resolve, much like Rosa Parks -­‐ LATOYA: Oh brother-­‐ ANNIE: (topping her) –TO REMEDY this great injustice -­‐-­‐-­‐and so….I courageously make an appointment with the counselor, and let my face get a little flushed and my chin tremble, and explain my concerns, vaguely. I let her nervous little mind fill in the blanks as she pleased. It did not hurt that my German surname sounds an awful lot like a Jewish surname, and long story short, one casual mention of the ACLU later, bada bing, I’m free. Excused from all future assemblies. ANTHONY: Wait. She thought you were Jewish? ANNIE: I’m not sure what she thought, but I’ll tell ya this-­‐ she wasn’t gonna ask. ANTHONY: Wow. ANNIE: But now the joke’s on me, because now I am imprisoned in this tiny room with Latoya. A primitive thinker, Latoya is convinced that Armageddon will occur during her very own lifetime. If you tell her that every dipshit dating back to Mr. Jesus H Christ himself thought the same thing, it does not dim her belief. Oh no, not Latoya. LATOYA: I don’t make fun of your faith. ANNIE: Because we don’t believe in a bunch of stupid shit. LATOYA: Nice language. ANTHONY: Anyway… (Everyone awkwardly returns to studying.) ANNIE: (to ANTHONY) Honestly, whatever you are, it’s cool with me. I’m not like high on the Presbyterians or anything. I usually get a migraine on Sunday mornings for an hour or so and thus unfortunately am unable to attend services. I do like the youth group though. We have a junior pastor that’s not bad if you like the nerdy devout type. I wouldn’t mind -­‐-­‐-­‐ LATOYA: Shut up! I am trying to study. ANNIE: (to ANTHONY) You should come with me sometime. ANTHONY: Where? The Antinous Play – Ionic draft 5 ANNIE: To youth group. I’m a good kisser. (LATOYA rises.) LATOYA: I don’t have to listen to this. You two have fun. ANNIE: Oh I’m sorry, did you want this one for yourself, a chastity buddy? LATOYA: You are trash, Annie, just trash. ANNIE: Turn the other cheek. LATOYA: OH SHUT UP! ANTHONY: UMMM. (They both stop, look at him.) ANNIE: What. ANTHONY: Um…let’s all get along. ANNIE: You’re cute. We are definitely making out. 6 2a Lights change. We see GREG, a youth pastor, addressing the (unseen) youth group. During the following, there are slight pauses after each line – two things are happening – no one is responding, and GREG is moving it along so it’s a little ambiguous whether a response is really being solicited. PASTOR GREG: So what’d you all think of the story? It’s pretty harsh what happened to Job, right? Hey, how many of you ever heard of a persecution complex? It’s kind of like being paranoid – it’s when you think someone, or many people, or even the whole world, is out to get you. Sometimes being a teenager, you can feel that way. But I think most of us, in our better moments, realize that simply isn’t true. Nobody’s sole aim in life is to cause you trouble. People have their own problems, right? Now Job is someone who could easily have felt persecuted – you could even say he was. But he remained his better self throughout, didn’t he? Don’t you find that inspiring? (as if someone has raised a hand) Yes! (the question was disappointing) Yes, we are playing games tonight. (back to the talk) I mean, Job had a pretty good case to feel persecuted, right? (answering a follow-­‐up) Soon. We’ll play right after this talk. (back to the talk) So when is a time that you felt picked-­‐on? Okay, I’ll start. When I first started working here, I got a lot of suggestions for how to run the youth group -­‐ from Pastor Walter, from parents, from deacons, from my girlfriend (smiles at her in the room), from you guys -­‐ and it could have made me sort of paranoid. But it didn’t, because I knew two things – one: everything in life is an opportunity to learn. So rather than becoming defensive about all the input I was getting, I could be grateful for it. And two: I can only do my best. And worrying about what others think is no way to live your life. Job remained faithful and he was rewarded. And as long as you in your heart and mind can say that you are being righteous in your intents and actions, you will be rewarded too, in some fashion. Yeah? Right? (clears throat, no response) Okay. Let’s play Slaughter. The Antinous Play – Ionic draft 7 3 Lights change. PASTOR GREG and ANTHONY are sitting in Greg’s car in front of Anthony’s house. ANTHONY: Thanks for the ride home. I don’t know what happened to my dad. PASTOR GREG: No problem. I was glad to see you back at youth group again. ANTHONY: Yeah? Thanks. PASTOR GREG: Where was Annie Muller tonight? ANTHONY: Grounded. PASTOR GREG: Ah. Well, I’m glad you came anyway. You’re a real asset to the discussion. ANTHONY: It’s pretty interesting to me. It’s like being a foreign exchange student, and all the other kids have this language, and this history, and this whole set of assumptions of how the world works. It’s like a book club where everyone but me read the book. PASTOR GREG: I encourage them to read it, anyway. ANTHONY: You think your girlfriend’s going to be okay? PASTOR GREG: Oh yeah. She’ll be fine. ANTHONY: She got biffed in the face pretty hard. PASTOR GREG: Yeah. The kids play rough sometimes. ANTHONY: Well, the game is called Slaughter. PASTOR GREG: I know. We shouldn’t play it. (beat) It’s just – there has to be an element of entertainment or no one would come. ANTHONY: I don’t know about that. PASTOR GREG: I do… ANTHONY: Your talks are the best part. PASTOR GREG: (being good natured about this ridicule) Okay, very good ANTHONY: No, I’m serious. They’re my favorite part, anyway. 8 PASTOR GREG: (but seriously) I can’t tell if you’re making fun of me. ANTHONY: Nope. PASTOR GREG: Oh. Well. This is a first. ANTHONY: You’re a good speaker. I don’t know…. There’s something... I think you’re interesting, the way you explain things. PASTOR GREG: Thanks.(a little beat) It’s been a learning curve, this job. It’s hard to tell if you’re getting through to anyone. Most of the time, it seems like the kids are just playing a part when I’m around. I see them sometimes, when they don’t know I’m there, and….they’re completely different when they don’t think I’m watching. So then when they are around me again, they’re on good behavior because they think who they really are, what they really think, is unacceptable to me. And then I, in turn, I also feel like I can’t be a real person because I have to play the responsible adult who’s representing God so I can’t be tired or irritable, or confused, or….say, hey, I really don’t understand this story either. I have no idea why God would relentlessly torture Job just to prove a point to Satan. Of all people. (abrupt switch) I’m sorry. ANTHONY: It’s okay. You don’t have to pretend with me. (little beat) And I’m so relieved because I thought I was totally missing something about Job. (little beat) You’re good at this. You really are. (a moment that hangs in the air, then PASTOR GREG breaks it with) PASTOR GREG: Hey, can I ask you a question? ANTHONY: Sure. PASTOR GREG: I’m sorry, but I’m just – very curious. That naked statue in your front yard. Is that....Greek? ANTHONY: Antinous. PASTOR GREG: (assuming that’s some subset of “Greek”) Ah. Do your neighbors -­‐ ? That must get a lot of attention. ANTHONY: Most of the people on this block are used to it. (going to get out of the car then turning back) Hey – thanks for talking to me about …all that stuff. (joking now) I mean, it does make me realize you don’t have a clue what you’re talking about but…. I was bound to find that out sooner or later anyway. PASTOR GREG: It was inevitable. ANTHONY: But hey if you're up for it, could we grab a coke sometime and talk about faith? I mean, mine? I think it could be educational. PASTOR GREG: Yeah! Awesome. That’s what I’m here for. The Antinous Play – Ionic draft 9 ANTHONY: Okay, well. Night. And sorry you had to run me home. My dad spaces sometimes. PASTOR GREG: No problem. And yeah, let’s definitely (trying to sound hip) ‘hang out’ sometime soon. ANTHONY: It’s a date. (ANTHONY exits) 10 4 Lights change. ANTHONY walks in the house. His mother MARIE is watching TV. ANTHONY: (with a little attitude) Uh, I'm home. MARIE: Hi. How was it? ANTHONY: Nobody picked me up. MARIE: What? Your father was coming to get you at 9. ANTHONY: It's over at 8:30. It's okay. The pastor brought me home. MARIE: (calling offstage) Rudy! (ANTHONY'S DAD RUDY enters. He is not a consciously unfriendly person – but he is not very “present” and doesn’t pay much attention to others or to smoothing potential social discomfort.) RUDY: What? MARIE: You were supposed to pick up Anthony. (RUDY stares at ANTHONY, dumbfounded.) RUDY: He's right there. MARIE: Yes, but you were supposed to pick him up at his church thing. (RUDY walks over to ANTHONY and literally picks him up.) ANTHONY: Dad! (He puts him down. MARIE and RUDY share a laugh.) RUDY: There. I picked him up. MARIE: Seriously, though, Rudy, the preacher had to bring him home. The thing ends at 8:30. RUDY: (to ANTHONY) You told me nine. ANTHONY: It's okay. RUDY: Why'd you tell me nine? ANTHONY: I don't....think I did... RUDY: Well, all's well that ends well. The Antinous Play – Ionic draft 11 (He exits. MARIE shrugs at ANTHONY.) MARIE: That's your father. 12 5a Lights change. A couple weeks later. ANTHONY is sitting at a pizza place. After a moment PASTOR GREG enters with two small cokes. ANTHONY: Thanks. (He sips his drink, sits back. Pastor Greg sits and takes a sip.) PASTOR GREG: Oh. This is…I think I got yours. ANTHONY: Sorry! (He quickly exchanges the glasses. As Pastor Greg is about to sip his –) I’m sorry-­‐ I already drank out of it. PASTOR GREG: I’m not afraid of your cooties. (He takes a sip. A beat, as if they’re both waiting for the other to speak. Then:) Can we pray here? If you’re not too uncomfortable with -­‐ people around. ANTHONY: Um, no. I guess not. (joking) Knock yourself out. (Pastor Greg chuckles. ) PASTOR GREG: Okay. (he extends his hands to Anthony, who takes them. The Pastor bows his head and prays. Anthony does not close his eyes, and leans forward to take a couple sips of his coke through the straw during the prayer) Father God, I come to you today very grateful for this remarkable young man. Adolescence can be a difficult time, Lord, and we give thanks that Anthony has come to know you and seeks to deepen his relationship. Watch over him, Lord. Guide him. Light his way. Bless this time together, bless this pop that refreshes us, and bless the workers that prepared it for us. In Jesus’ name, Amen. ANTHONY: Amen. PASTOR GREG: Well, I sure am glad we were able to meet finally. You know, spending time with kids at youth group, you don’t necessarily get one on one time. In fact, this is kind of a first. So I’m grateful. (pause while he waits for a response) What was it you wanted to take with me about? ANTHONY: I wanted to talk to you about my faith. PASTOR GREG: Wonderful. I gather from what you’ve said that you haven’t had much exposure to Christianity. The Antinous Play – Ionic draft 13 ANTHONY: Not really. I was home schooled up to this year. PASTOR GREG: Well, you wouldn’t have learned about Christianity in public school either, so you didn’t miss anything. So – you have some questions? ANTHONY: No. PASTOR GREG: Oh. ANTHONY: But after being in youth group for a few weeks, I feel like I need to be honest with you. PASTOR GREG: Oh. Well, I’m so glad you feel you can be. (pause) ANTHONY: I belong to the Cult of Antinous. I was born into it. My grandfather brought it with him from Turkey -­‐-­‐ PASTOR GREG: Excuse me – what? Who? ANTHONY: My grandfather. I didn’t know him actually. He died before I was born. (beat) Oh, you mean Antinuos? (PASTOR GREG is blank) You never learned about the Cult of Antinous? I thought you had a degree in theology or something. PASTOR GREG: Uh-­‐-­‐ ANTHONY: He’s the statue in my front yard. PASTOR GREG: The naked guy? ANTHONY: See, I wondered if you knew about him. Because you talk about Jesus Christ like he’s the only game in town. PASTOR GREG: Anthony, if you’re struggling with what we’re talking about in youth group -­‐-­‐-­‐ ANTHONY: I’m not, actually. At first, my parents were pretty uncomfortable with me going, cause we don’t believe in it, you know? But I’ve actually found it’s strengthened and affirmed my faith. PASTOR GREG: In –? ANTHONY: Antinous. (off PASTOR GREG’S blank look) Really? Never? His cult grew up around the same time as Christ’s. PASTOR GREG: Christ’s cult. ANTHONY: It’s not a perjorative term. PASTOR GREG: (he knows – he’s challenging Anthony) What does perjorative mean? 14 ANTHONY: Um – bad? PASTOR GREG: Is this a joke? Anthony, is this a joke? We’re done here. (stands) ANTHONY: I’ve listened to you talk about your God plenty of times. Will you hear me out about mine? PASTOR GREG: I don’t want to hear a bunch of blasphemy, Anthony. ANTHONY: Neither do I. But I come every Sunday night cause you’re nice people. (beat) Can I just tell you about him? PASTOR GREG: …I guess. ANTHONY: Antinous was born of humble origins in Bithynia, in what is now Turkey. He has been commonly slandered as being a slave, the same way your church has slandered Mary Magdalene as a prostitute. But he was no slave. He was the boy lover of the Emperor Hadrian. PASTOR GREG: Oh boy – ANTHONY: What? PASTOR GREG: I am getting very uncomfortable here. ANTHONY: May I finish? PASTOR GREG: (pushes his chair back – crosses arms and legs-­‐ attempts a pose that looks as little like a child molester as is possible – whatever that looks like) Okay – go on. ANTHONY: Antinous first caught the attention of Hadrian when he passed through Bithynia on one of his many travels. Hadrian was a great traveler, as you know. A lover of travel. PASTOR GREG: Yes, of course. Go on. ANTHONY: It is said that Antinous was the most beautiful specimen of being that ever lived. Literally the most beautiful boy who ever lived. Hadrian was married to a woman – to the Empress Sabina. But he was drawn to Antinous’ beauty. He could see the divine in him. He invited Antinous to join his party on their progress, and for the next few years, they were constant companions. Hadrian was much older than Antinous, but that did not lesson their bond. In fact, when Hadrian grew ill, Antinous made the ultimate sacrifice to save him. PASTOR GREG: The ultimate sacrifice. ANTHONY: He died, offering his own life to the Gods in exchange for the complete recovery of Hadrian. The Antinous Play – Ionic draft 15 PASTOR GREG: Ah. Well, that was nice of him. 16 5b Lights change to the year 130 in the Common Era. The interior of a lavish tent set up for Hadrian’s travels through the Roman Empire. HADRIAN lies in a bed. ANTINOUS enters. (played by the actors playing ANTHONY and GREG) ANTINOUS: They wouldn’t let me come to you. HADRIAN: I don’t want you sick. Wait til later. ANTINOUS: They’re saying there may not be a later. (no answer) HADRIAN: I wish I had better news. ANTINOUS: I’ll kill myself. HADRIAN: Don’t be stupid. Come here. Just – cover your face, okay? I don’t want to get you sick. (He goes to his bedside) The Empress is very fond of you. You’ll have a nice house – spending money, servants. It’ll be good. ANTINOUS: Stop talking like this! HADRIAN: I wish I had better news. (They cling to each other) The Antinous Play – Ionic draft 17 5c Lights change back to the pizza parlor, present day. where ANTHONY has GREG locked in embrace – GREG sits stiffly with his arms at his sides ANTHONY: And thus, they shared their final earthly embrace. GREG: (extricating himself) Ah, yes. Good stuff. ANTHONY: Within hours, Antinous was gone – drowned in the Nile. A final act of love, an offering to the Gods that ensured Hadrian’s complete recovery. And the heartbroken Hadrian, in gratitude and in grief, elevated Antinous to god-­‐hood, acknowledging the divinity in his selfless act. And now, the great god Antinous watches over all of his followers, protecting us from persecution and granting us blessings. GREG: (please make it stop) I see. That’s cool. ANTHONY: That’s true love. From one person to another. The love of Antinous that shines on us all. GREG: I think I’m at my threshold for today. ANTHONY: Oh. GREG: Yup. Let’s get you home. ANTHONY: If you have any questions later – GREG: I will ask you. Thank you. (They push in their chairs and gather their things.) ANTHONY: I hope I haven’t offended you. GREG: No, it’s just getting late. ANTHONY: Thanks for…listening. It means a lot to me. GREG: (takes this in) Oh. You’re welcome. (Awkwardness – he breaks it with:) Good stuff. 18 6 Lights change to the study room at the high school. ANNIE, LATOYA and ANTHONY. ANNIE: So Jason Rybold saw you macking on some old dude at Godfather’s Pizza. LATOYA: Macking? ANNIE: Making out. ANTHONY: Bullshit! ANNIE: Hugging, anyway. LATOYA: It was probably his dad. ANTHONY: No. Hardly. LATOYA: Don’t you have a dad? ANTHONY: Yes, but he doesn't go to Godfather’s Pizza. Or anywhere, really. He’s – he just likes to stay home. ANNIE: So are you into guys now? ANTHONY: First of all, Jason Rybold huffs gas. ANNIE: That’s not an answer. (a small stare-­‐down) LATOYA: (shyly, kindly, to Anthony) You’re lucky. Everyone knows my Dad. I think he’s knocked on every door in town with the Watchtower. ANNIE: So who were you with? ANTHONY: I don’t know – if I was even there, it was probably with a friend. ANNIE: You don’t have any friends besides us. LATOYA: Leave him alone (An announcement comes over the PA) ANNOUNCEMENT: Annie Muller, please report to the office. Annie Muller, report to the office. ANNIE: What now? (gathering her things) Later, Losers The Antinous Play – Ionic draft 19 (She leaves. A pause) ANTHONY: I’ll tell you who I was with. LATOYA: It’s okay. You don’t have to. ANTHONY: I was with my pastor. LATOYA: Oh. That’s cool. ANTHONY: He’s Annie’s pastor too so I’d rather she didn’t – LATOYA: Okay. ANTHONY: He’s more of a friend. LATOYA: Okay. ANTHONY: I hope you don’t think that’s weird. But it’s okay if you do. I just want you to know if your dad walks around handing out Watchtowers, that’s okay. I don’t judge you for it. Your dad is good to you and that’s what should matter. My dad is alright– I mean, he doesn’t do anything mean to me. I just don’t think we….click. If we met out in the world, we’d never be friends. LATOYA: Does he know you think that way? ANTHONY: He started it. 20 7 Lights change to the year 132 Common Era. Three early Christian men, NABOB, MEKROT and HITITE, are gathered in a dank dwelling in Hir-­‐Wer, an ancient Egyptian fishing village. NABOB has the floor. NABOB: By now, the whole market is watching. And I say again, “Keep it comin. Give it your best shot.” And he does, and this one is a humdinger, let me tell you. My ears were seriously ringing. But I just stand up and say, “I love you my brother”. And then he spits in my face. And his fist goes back again. and this Just then, this old lady throws herself comes running between us and she says, “Don’t you hurt this man. He is truly a follower of God!” And the market goes silent. Everyone is frozen. And then THE WHOLE MARKET ERUPTS IN APPLAUSE. I’m not kidding you. People are coming up, clapping me on the back, kids are jumping to get picked up by me, this one old guy says he has to introduce me to his daughter. MEKROT: What happens to the bully? NABOB: Oh, he’s totally pushed aside – little kids are throwing fruit at him. Done. DONE. But this is the best part – like ten people came up asking me about Jesus, so we got some beer and rapped for a bit. HITITE: That’s an awesome story. Good work. NABOB: Hey, I’m just an instrument of God, that’s all. How’ve you guys been doing? (they look at each other) MEKROT: Not quite as well. Did you hear about Meschach’s brother-­‐in-­‐law? NABOB: No. HITITE: Eaten by lions. NABOB: No! (MESCHACH, a Christian man, enters. and a pall falls over the room) Oh. Hey Meschach. My condolences. What a shocker. MESCHACH: Yeah. They raided his house in the middle of the night. We think maybe his neighbor ratted him out because he coveted his well. NABOB: No kidding. MESCHACH: So, yeah, fed to the lions last week. HITITE: It’s a terrible thing. MEKROT: (explaining his lack of progress to Nabob) So you see, there went the rest of my committee. The Antinous Play – Ionic draft 21 NABOB: Wait – what about Obadiah? MEKROT: Antinous. NABOB: Son of a bitch! I’m sorry. It’s just – how many guys have we lost to -­‐-­‐-­‐ HITITE: A lot. MEKROT: More than to lions, that’s for sure. NABOB: I never figured Obadiah for – that way. HITITE: What do you mean, “that way”? NABOB: Don’t get all huffy. I just am surprised he flipped, that’s all. MEKROT: He was pretty much toast after his fishing ‘miracle’ – I’m frankly relieved I don’t ever have to hear that story again. HITITE: Still – we don’t even have enough guys left for a decent passion play. (They sit in frustrated silence for a few seconds.) NABOB: God, what are they doing over there? HITITE: I hear they throw great parties. NABOB: Yeah, but no girls. MESHACH: True. (More silence.) NABOB: Maybe you guys should go over there. You know – infiltrate. MEKROT: Uh, no thanks. I don’t want them putting their Peter in my Simon. HITITE: So ignorant. NABOB: I’m serious. I think you should go check it out. Find out what the appeal is. MESHACH: I’m in mourning. NABOB: Okay, you’re excused. You two then. HITITE: (to MEKROT) You and me, buddy. MEKROT: It just doesn’t make any sense. We are offering a transformation of the WHOLE WORLD in to a more peaceful, just, loving place. Not to mention ETERNAL LIFE. And they’re offering – that this dead guy was hot? 22 The Antinous Play – Ionic draft 23