ZOMBIE IN LOVE
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60-75 Minutes
Book and Lyrics by
Michelle Elliott
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Music by
Danny Larsen
1.
MUSICAL #1. MORTIMER THE MOROSE
(Worms, Mortimer)
(Lights up on a spooky setting. A CHORUS of WORMS slithers forward to tell a
story.)
WORM 1
WORM
WORM 2
WORM
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WORM 3
WORM
WORM 4
WORM
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WORM 5
WORM
SQUIRM
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WORM 1
WORM 2
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SQUIRM
WORM 3
SQUIRM
WORM 4
SQUIRM
WORM 5
SQUIRM
WORM CHORUS
WE ARE THE WORMS
WE KEEP OUR EAR TO THE GROUND
WE ARE THE WORMS
WE HEAR EVERY SOUND
WE KNOW SECRETS, YES WE DO
SECRETS WE CAN SHARE WITH YOU…
2.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR A STORY
THAT’S PARTICULARLY GORY?
WILL YOU LISTEN TO A TALE
THAT IS BOUND TO MAKE YOU WAIL?
IT WILL FILL YOUR HEART WITH FEAR
MAKE YOU CLUTCH AT ALL YOU HOLD DEAR
APOLOGIES FOR BEING SO VERBOSE
BUT WE WANT TO ENSURE YOU KNOW THAT IT’S GROSS
FOR THIS IS THE TALE OF MORTIMER
MORTIMER, MORTIMER THE MOROSE
(WHICH ALSO MEANS MOODY)
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NOW WHAT MAKES MORT SO GLOOMY
SO EXTRA SUPER DOOMY?
IT COULD BE BECAUSE HE’S DEAD
OR MAYBE IT’S JUST IN HIS HEAD.
MORT’S A ZOMBIE, HENCE THE DROOL
ALSO, HE’S RUNNING LATE FOR SCHOOL
WELL, SHUFFLING LIKE HE’S COMATOSE
“WAY TO GO, MORT, YOU’RE GETTING CLOSE”
OH, THIS IS THE TALE OF MORTIMER,
MORTIMER, MORTIMER THE MOROSE
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WHICH IS ANOTHER WAY TO SAY
ILL-HUMORED
AT LEAST IT’S RUMORED
TO BE
MORT’S A LITTLE SOUR
A WHOLE LOT DOUR
AS YOU CAN SEE,
HERE’S OUR GUY…
(Lights up on MORTIMER, a teen zombie ((He may have been in the background
previously, but this is the first time we see him clearly.)). MORT is on his way to
school. His clothing is very tattered, his hair disheveled, his skin pale and
mottled, and he is moving slowly and stiffly.)
MORTIMER
SIGH
I’M LO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-ONELY
SIGH
OH, GOSH
OH, GEE
I’M SAD, BECAUSE IT’S O-O-O-O-O-ONLY
LO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-ONELY
ME.
3.
I MEAN, SURE, I'VE GOT THESE WORMS
HEY, GUYS.
WORM CHORUS
HEY, MORT
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MORTIMER
AND I'VE GOT MY OWN ROOM
TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, A TOMB
BUT IT'S COLD AND DANK AND DARK
WHICH I LIKE, BUT IT NEEDS A SPARK
AND THE THING ABOUT ME IS THAT I'M A PEOPLE PERSON
THE THING ABOUT ME IS THAT I WAS MEANT TO SHINE
SO IT'S HARD TO BE ALONE
STUCK DOWN HERE ALL ON MY OWN
WITHOUT SOMEBODY WHO I CAN CALL MINE
SIGH
WORM CHORUS
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WASN’T THAT TERRIFYING?
PRACTICALLY LIFE-DEFYING!
THIS STORY IS PUKE-INDUCING
POTENTIALLY BRAIN-REDUCING
THERE’S ONE THING THAT’S POSSIBLY TRUE
THIS STORY COULD BE THE END OF YOU
WE HOPE YOU DON’T GET A FATAL DOSE
WHICH COULD BE HARD TO DIAGNOSE
PLEASE DON’T DIE FROM THE TALE OF MORTIMER,
MORTIMER, MORTIMER THE MOROSE
(WHICH ALSO MEANS GLUM)
(The CHORUS ((except for one member)) exits as the school bell rings.
MORTIMER groans again and shuffles toward class.)
WORM CHORUS (ONE MEMBER)
There are times in life when it seems that all is darkness and the only thing that
gets you through is the support of one really good friend. (RODNEY enters)
Rodney was not that friend.
RODNEY
Mort. Do you have five bucks I can borrow?
MORTIMER
(RODNEY reaches into MORTIMER's jacket and pulls out MORTIMER's
wallet.)
Uhhhh...
4.
RODNEY
Better make it a twenty. It is the weekend.
(RODNEY pulls a notebook out of MORTIMER's backpack.)
Also, I didn't finish my math homework, can I copy yours?
MORTIMER
Ummmm...
RODNEY
One more thing, I ate my lunch on the way to school and I was wondering if you
could maybe share?
MORTIMER
Brain...food. Improves test scores.
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(RODNEY reaches into MORTIMER's lunch bag and pulls out a brain.)
What is this?
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(RODNEY considers this for a moment, but then sticks the brain back in
the bag.)
RODNEY
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I'll just get a burrito.
(RODNEY makes to leave, but sees a group of kids entering with posters for the
upcoming Cupid’s Ball school dance tomorrow night. All of the kids (except
MORT) are tremendously excited.)
Is that poster for what I think it is?
KID 1
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You know it!!
RODNEY
(Joining the kids) Alright!!
MUSICAL #2. CUPID’S BALL
(Kids)
KIDS
THERE’S GONNA BE A DANCE
YOU KNOW THAT MEANS ROMANCE
THERE’S GONNA BE HAND HOLDING
AND ORIGAMI FOLDING
PAPER DOVES AND COLORED LIGHTS
THE BEST MOST FESTIVE OF ALL NIGHTS
PEOPLE SWAYING SIDE TO SIDE
IF YOU’RE NOT THERE YOU’LL WISH YOU’D DIED!
5.
OH, IT’S THE CUPID’S BALL
THE BEST BALL OF THEM ALL
IT ONLY COMES ONCE A YEAR
AND WHEN IT DOES
YOU BETTER GO, BECAUSE
IT’S THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR SCHOOL CAREER
IT’S REALLY THE BALL YOU WANT TO BE AT
SO YOU BETTER PUT ON YOUR PARTY HAT
AND GO, GO, GO
TO THE CUPID’S BALL
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I’M GONNA DANCE A SALS-A
I AM GONNA DANCE THE WALTZ-A
I’M GONNA DANCE THE CHICKEN
THAT’S OUR PLAN TO WHICH WE’RE STICKIN .
IT’LL BE A WORLD OF FUN—
GONNA DANCE WITH EVERYONE
GEE, THIS NIGHT’LL BE SO GREAT
GUESS I BETTER GET A DATE
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YOU WANNA GO WITH ME?
YOU WANNA GO WITH ME?
YOU WANNA GO WITH ME?
YOU WANNA GO WITH ME?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
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OH, IT’S THE CUPID’S BALL
THE BEST BALL OF THEM ALL
IT ONLY COMES ONCE A YEAR
AND WHEN IT DOES
YOU BETTER GO, BECAUSE
IT’S THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR SCHOOL CAREER
IT’S REALLY THE BALL YOU WANT TO BE AT
SO YOU BETTER PUT ON YOUR PARTY HAT
AND GO, GO, GO
TO THE CUPID’S BALL
MORTIMER
CUPID IS A CHERUB
WITH A TINY PAIR OF WINGS
HE AIMS RIGHT FOR YOUR HEART
AND WHEN HIS ARROW ZINGS
YOU CAN’T HELP BUT FALL
WHICH IS PERFECT FOR A BALL
UNLESS YOU ARE ALONE
IN WHICH CASE…GROAN
6.
MORTIMER
I gotta get a date for that ball.
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MORTIMER AND KIDS
OH, IT’S THE CUPID’S BALL
THE BEST BALL OF THEM ALL
IT ONLY COMES ONCE A YEAR
AND WHEN IT DOES
YOU BETTER GO, BECAUSE
IT’S THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR SCHOOL CAREER
IT’S REALLY THE BALL YOU WANT TO BE AT
SO YOU BETTER PUT ON YOUR PARTY HAT
AND GO, GO, GO
TO THE CUPID’S BALL
(GIRL 1 walks by and MORTIMER tries to approach her.)
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Hey. I was wondering if you might want to…
GIRL 1
Get away from you as fast as humanly possible? Yes, I do.
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(She exits. GIRL 2 walks past and MORT approaches her.)
MORTIMER
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Hey, how would you like…
GIRL 2
To run away? Yeppers.
(She runs off. GIRL 3 walks past and MORT approaches her.)
MORTIMER
(trying to be cool) Heeeeeey…
(GIRL 3 screams and runs off.)
MUSICAL #3. ZOMBIE NEVER GETS THE GIRL
(Mortimer)
GIRLS NEVER SEEM TO GO FOR ME
I DON’T REALLY KNOW EXACTLY WHY
I TRY TO WINK AND PLAY IT COOL
(He takes his eye out and makes it wink at a girl, she runs off)
I GUESS I’M JUST NOT THAT KINDA GUY
7.
I WAVE AS I’M WALKING DOWN THE HALL
(He pulls his hand off and waves it around with the other hand)
BUT THAT SEEMS TO MAKE THEM RUN AND HIDE
I GIVE A SMILE, BUT THEY JUST SCREAM
MAKES ME DIE A LITTLE MORE INSIDE
WHICH IS HARD, WHEN YOU’RE ALREADY DEAD
THE WHOLE THING MAKES ME WANNA HURL
‘CAUSE WHAT I HAVE DISCOVERED
IS THE ZOMBIE NEVER GETS THE GIRL
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I STILL HAVE HOPE A GIRL WILL CALL
SO I KEEP AN EAR GLUED TO THE PHONE
(He holds up his phone, which has an ear attached)
NOT SURE WHY I DON’T JUST GIVE UP
MAYBE I DON’T WANNA DIE ALONE - AGAIN
I’D LIKE TO TAKE A GIRL OUT TO THE MALL
REALLY GET A CHANCE TO PICK HER BRAIN
I MEAN THAT METAPHORICALLY
I DON’T WANT TO CAUSE HER ANY PAIN
LOVE WOULD BE, SO SUPER AMAZING
LIKE WATCHING ALL MY GUTS UNFURL
OH, WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER
‘CAUSE THE ZOMBIE NEVER GETS THE GIRL
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GIRLS ALWAYS GO FOR DARK AND BROODING.
BUT MAYBE ALL THESE BONES PROTRUDING
MAKE ME SOMEWHAT LESS INVITING
IT’S NOT LIKE I’M GONNA JUST START BITING
EVERYONE.
WELL, MAYBE I WILL…
BUT DON’T I DESERVE A CHANCE
TO CUT A RUG AT A SCHOOL DANCE
AND HAVE SOME FUN?
MORTIMER
I’M GONNA FIND THE PERFECT GIRL
AND WE’RE GONNA HAVE AN AWESOME NIGHT
AND SHE WON’T CARE THAT I’M NOT ALIVE
AND WHEN I SMILE SHE WON’T DIE OF FRIGHT
AND I WILL START LEARNING WHAT SHE LIKES
FIND OUT WHAT REALLY MAKES HER TICK
I’LL GIVE HER ONE SWEET GOODNIGHT KISS
AND FINGERS CROSSED, IT WON’T MAKE HER SICK
WE WILL DANCE ‘TIL OUR FEET FALL OFF
WE’LL JUMP AND JIVE AND HOP AND BOUNCE AND TWIRL
BECAUSE, JUST FOR ONCE, THIS TIME
8.
THE ZOMBIE’S GONNA GET THE GIRL
(MORTIMER charges off. One or more members of the WORM CHORUS
enter.)
WORM CHORUS
Meanwhile, in a completely different part of the school, a girl named Millicent…
MILDRED
It’s Mildred.
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WORM CHORUS
…who also happened to be a zombie, was also learning of the upcoming Cupid’s Ball.
(Two GIRLS are looking at the Cupid’s Ball poster as MILDRED enters.)
MILDRED
(To the GIRLS) Hi.
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GIRL 1
Oh. It’s you.
GIRL 2
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Yeah, you.
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MILDRED
I hear the Cupid’s Ball is the best ball of them all.
GIRL 1
Well, you’ll never know.
MILDRED
Why wouldn’t I?
GIRL 2
You mean, you’d go to the ball, even without a date?
MILDRED
I could get a date.
(The GIRLS laugh, not in a super mean way, they think she is joking.)
GIRL 1
Oh, my gosh. You should do like a stand up routine. You’re really funny.
GIRL 2
9.
(catching her breath after laughing so hard) Thanks for the laugh. I really needed that!
(The GIRLS exit.)
MUSICAL #4. THE ICING ON THE CAKE
(Mildred)
MILDRED
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I’M PLEASED TO SAY
I’M QUITE FULFILLED
LIFE’S BEEN GREAT
SINCE BEING KILLED
THERE’S LOTS OF THINGS
I LIKE TO DO
I DIG FOR WORMS
I EAT THEM, TOO
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I READ, I RUN,
I SMILE, I BAKE
BUT A FRIEND TO DO IT ALL WITH
IT WOULD BE THE ICING ON THE CAKE
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I’M SUPER SMART
FOR BEING DEAD
(THE BRAINS I ATE
WENT TO MY HEAD)
I AM ADEPT AT
USING HUMOR
DID YOU HEAR THE JOKE
ABOUT THE TUMOR?
HILARIOUS (she says this absolutely deadpan)
I SKATE, I THINK,
I DANCE, I RAKE
BUT A FRIEND TO DO IT ALL WITH
IT WOULD BE THE ICING ON THE CAKE
IF I WERE TO MEET A FRIEND – A GUY
IF SOMEHOW, I CAUGHT HIS EYE
WE COULD START AS FRIENDS
AND THAT’D BE GREAT
AND MAYBE WE’D
GO ON A DATE
TO A DARKENED CEMETERY
GOSH, I HOPE IT’S NICE AND SCARY
I’D HOLD HIS HAND
HE WOULDN’T BREAK