2010
2010
Mental Health Month
Mental Health Month
Good friends help us bounce back
Factsheet
The theme of Mental Health Month in 2010 is all about
the benefits of friendship. Social support in general
is important for bouncing back from challenges and
research has shown that having friends is associated
with life satisfaction and overall wellbeing. This fact
sheet explains what friendship is, how it contributes to
our resilience and how we can create and strengthen
friendships.
support and helping us to cope. This support can take
a number of forms:
What is a good friend?
For example in the event of the death of someone
close we might draw on a friend who provides help with
practical tasks like preparing meals or running errands.
Another friend might be there for us week after week
or month after month when we still need a listening
ear. Yet another friend might guide us through making
funeral arrangements or sorting out legal issues.
Everyone will have their own perspective on what
defines a friend. However there are usually some
basic characteristics. Firstly mutual attraction – friends
like each other. Secondly, we expect our friend to
contribute as much to the relationship as we do. We
might also desire that our friendships are supportive,
close, loyal, trusting, and fun.
How we spend time with our friends generally seems to
reflect what age we are. For young children, friendship
is based on play and sharing; for adolescents,
friendships involve self-disclosure, emotional support
and common activities like socialising. In adulthood,
work and family become central; amongst the
elderly friendships are important for support and
companionship. The time spent with friends also varies
with age, with teenagers tending to spend a lot more
time with their friends than do adults.
How do good friends help us bounce
back?
When we are experiencing stress or hardship, good
friends have an important role in providing social
● Concrete, e.g. bringing food, caring for the kids or
driving us to appointments.
● Emotional, e.g. listening to our concerns and
worries and helping us think things through.
● Informational, e.g. providing advice and sharing
expertise.
Help! I don’t have any good friends
For a number of reasons we might look around at some
stage in our life and find our friendship network has
shrunk or that we are lacking in close friendships. This
is normal but it’s important to get proactive and start
building this circle back up again rather than spending
time worrying that no one likes us. The following tips
might give you some ideas on how to make the first
move:
● Go to where the people are. Volunteer for a
cause you believe in, join an interest group like
a book club, get involved in a sporting team, or
attend a community college. If you sign up for a
new activity you enjoy it’s likely you’ll come into
contact with people with similar interests to you.
Mental Health Association NSW Transcultural Mental Health Centre Level 5, 80 William Street, East Sydney NSW 2011
Cumberland Hospital, Locked Bag 7118, Parramatta BC NSW 2150
P: 1300 794 991 [email protected]
P: (02) 9912 3850 F: (02) 9840 3755 [email protected]
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Mental Health Month
Mental Health Month
● Make conversation. Take a risk and make the
first move. Remember to smile, speak at a volume
so others can hear you and make eye contact if
appropriate. Ask open-ended questions (that is
questions that can’t be answered with a yes or
no). Listen actively and share information about
yourself.
● Celebrate your friends’ good fortune.
Sometimes it is easier to support friends through
disappointments than to be enthusiastic when
something wonderful happens in their lives.
However research suggests that it can benefit
us and our relationships if we can share genuine
excitement.
● If at first you don’t succeed try again. Most of
us who have experienced great friendships know
how rare and unique our special friends are. You
might have to meet a lot of people before you
find one or two you really connect with. However,
nothing is lost by having a broad network of
acquaintances.
● Be a good communicator. This means, firstly,
being a good listener. Give your full attention when
your friend is sharing something and acknowledge
what they are saying, but resist the urge to
interrupt with your own story. However, sharing
your own innermost thoughts and feelings is also
important for a good friendship.
● Take it to the next level. After a few weeks
or months of making casual conversation with
someone you might like to suggest that you do
something together outside your normal activity,
for example having a coffee together after class or
seeing a movie on the weekend.
● Be compassionate. As with all relationships,
friendships inevitably result in hurt feelings on
occasion. Try to be forgiving when this happens;
see if you can come up with some explanations for
your friend’s behaviour other than that they wanted
to upset you, and try putting yourself in their
shoes.
● Get support if you need it. Some people
experience particularly severe shyness or anxiety
in social situations. If this is the case for you, you
may like to spend some time with a mental health
professional who can help you with this anxiety.
Contact the Mental Health Information Service on
1300 794 991 or [email protected].
How to be a better friend
A lot of the things that we need to do to be a good
friend might seem like common sense, however none
of us is perfect and a reminder from time to time
can be helpful. Making sure you’re the type of friend
described below can help you strengthen your existing
relationships and even help you make new friends.
● Pay attention to your friends. One of the 10 Tips
to Stress Less in 2010 is “Plan date nights with
your friends”. Make spending quality time with your
friends a priority and keep up to date with what is
happening in their lives.
● Be loyal. If a friend shares something personal
with you, keep it to yourself. Trust is important.
Care for your friend’s reputation when they’re not
around.
When friends aren’t good friends
Research tells us that the quality of our friendships does
matter. In fact, bad friends have more of an impact on
our wellbeing than good friends do. Bad friends might
not be supportive, might pressure you to do things you
are uncomfortable with, could be damaging your self
esteem or might not be putting much effort into the
relationship. If there are friends in your life who are
consistently harmful in these ways, you might consider
re-evaluating your relationship.
First see if you can resolve the issue. Try and
communicate your concerns to your friend. Some tips
for having a difficult conversation like this would include
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Mental Health Month
focusing on their actions, rather than their character,
(e.g. I’ve noticed that when we go shopping together
you often make critical remarks about my weight),
and on your needs and feelings (e.g. When you say
stuff like that I end up feeling pretty lousy about myself
and I’m often thinking about it for days afterwards).
Suggest how you’d like your relationship to improve
(I really value our friendship and it would mean a lot
to me if instead you would try to help me feel good
about myself and my appearance). Then practice your
listening skills by letting them talk about the issue
from their point of view. If the issues continue and
your wellbeing is being significantly affected consider
moving on.
Snapshots
1.Many of us might claim that our pet is our
closest friend and there is evidence to
suggest that having a pet or interacting
with animals can support our health and
wellbeing. When we asked Alice how her
friend Rosie helps her bounce back she
said...
I got Rosie during a long period of fatigue and
depression; I could think of nothing other than
getting a dog to get me motivated to do exercise,
get up off the sofa and go out more. So I got a
puppy - a Moodle (matches my mood disorder!),
and brought her home. It was fun going out with
her as she attracted a lot of attention; people
who never spoke to me would come and pat her,
and ask questions; school kids would rush over
to pat her excitedly. I learnt quickly that having a
dog increased my social world dramatically – she
breaks the ice when I am quite a shy reclusive
person. I met other dog owners and befriended
them. I even became a dog walker for a while,
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something I loved to do. The friendship is
unconditional and a lot of fun. Rosie reminds me
to be playful in life and to treasure what I have.
2. Sometimes potential friends are right
under our nose. Do you regularly see the
same people at the gym, in the line for
coffee, or some other place you go every
day? Wendy told us this story about how
she made some new friends.
My trip home from work involves a 50 minute
train trip. I used to read the newspaper and listen
to the radio but I still considered it a waste of
time. Gradually I started talking to some other
people that travelled with me every day. Now I
travel home with friends, we talk, we laugh, and
we share information, sometimes we offer each
other some friendly advice. The trip home is now
enjoyable and we also contact each other outside
of travel hours. During the last Christmas break
we all met for lunch and intend to do the same for
Xmas in July.
3. For people experiencing a mental illness,
friends can be vital in the journey of
recovery. Mental Health Association NSW
ambassador, Greg Wilson, writes about the
role that friends have played in his life.
There was no defining moment, no key to
unlocking the door of my depression. There was
the medication, there was the diet, there was the
move to a more peaceful and carefree lifestyle
in the country, there was my new-found strength
of mind, and there was my art and the sense of
meaning it gave my life. But I am convinced that
above all else it was the support of my friends
that was the most crucial element in my recovery.
I have come to appreciate more than ever that
true success and happiness comes only in the
presence of loyal and true friends.
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Mental Health Month
Mental Health Month
4. Food often has a special power to bring
friends together as Peter talked about in
this story.
For people from all cultures food can go beyond
merely nourishing the body. Sharing food can
inspire and strengthen the bonds between
individuals and communities. Sharing food
has been a way of people from all cultures to
create and sustain a bond with others. What we
consume, how we acquire it, who prepares it and
who is at the table, is a form of communication.
I cook with friends from my community, I find that
it gives us time to have real conversations and
get to know each other better. When new people
come around and join in the cooking, it’s a real
opportunity to connect with others and sometimes
I get to meet people from different cultural
backgrounds. When you are sharing your kitchen
with someone you’re sharing your life.
Contact these people/organisations:
● Mental Health Information Service: 1300 794 991
or [email protected] for services in your
area
● Transcultural Mental Health Centre - information
and referral on mental health issues for culturally
and linguistically diverse communities:
1800 648 911 or [email protected] for
further information or you can visit the website at
www.dhi.health.nsw.gov.au/tmhc
Ways to make friends
● Community colleges www.cca.edu.au
● Sporting and recreation teams and clubs
www.dsr.nsw.gov.au/sportsclubs/contacts.asp
● Volunteering www.volunteering.com.au
● Men’s sheds www.mensheds.com.au or
www.mensshed.org
● With a pet www.awaredogs.org.au
Where to from here?
Read these other fact sheets in our
To obtain this fact sheet and other resources in Building Resilience series:
different languages (Arabic, Chinese, Greek,
Hindi, Italian, Khmer, Korean, Somali, Spanish and
Vietnamese) please contact the Transcultural Mental
Health Centre on 1800 648 911 or visit the website at
www.dhi.health.nsw.gov.au/tmhc
For further information you might like to have a look at
some of these resources:
● Building Resilience, 2010, Building Resilience Fact
sheet Year 3, Mental Health Association NSW
www.mentalhealth.asn.au
● Sign up, Link In, Get Involved, 2009, Building
Resilience Fact sheet Year 2 Mental Health
Association NSW www.mentalhealth.asn.au
● Appreciate the Little Things In Life, 2008, Building
Resilience Fact sheet Year 1 Mental Health
Association NSW www.mentalhealth.asn.au
Things to read
These are resources we used when preparing this
factsheet. You might like to seek them out to follow up
on anything you have read here.
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Mental Health Month
Mental Health Month
Books
Fact sheets
● Christopher Peterson, 2006, A Primer in Positive
Psychology, Oxford University Press, Oxford.
● Better Health Channel, Friendship – how to make
new friends, www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au
● Sonja Lyubomirsky, 2007, The How of Happiness,
Sphere, London.
● Mental Health America, Connect With Others,
www.liveyourlifewell.org
● Martin M. Antony and Richard P. Swinson, 2000,
The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook, New
Harbinger Publications Inc., Oakland.
Reports
Articles
● Wilfred W Hartup and Nan Stevens, 1997,
“Friendships and Adaptation in the Life Course”,
Psychological Bulletin, 121(3): 355-370.
● New Economics Foundation, Five Ways
to Wellbeing, www.neweconomics.org/
publications/five-ways-well-being-evidence
● F Ozbay, H Fitterling, D Charney and S Southwick,
2008, “Social support and resilience to stress
across the life span: a neurobiologic framework”,
Current Psychiatry Reports, Aug; 10(4): 304-10.
This fact sheet was produced by the Mental Health Association NSW in conjunction with the Transcultural
Mental Health Centre for Mental Health Month NSW 2010 ©. Building Resilience is a three year campaign
being conducted by the Mental Health Association NSW. This and other fact sheets may be reproduced
with an acknowledgement to the Mental Health Association NSW and are available for download from
www.mentalhealth.asn.au.
The Mental Health Association NSW and Mental Health Month NSW are funded by NSW Health.
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