Wh en
Eve
Was No t
C re a t ed
And O t h e r S to ri e s
W H EN
WAS NO T
EV E
C R EAT E D
An d O t h e r S to ri e s
BY
H E R VEY \NH IT E
‘
BOST O N
S MAL L ,
MAY NARD
3 90 1
C O MP ANY
Copy rig h t,
THE
S M AL L
NEW Y ORK
,
1901,
MAY NARD
by
COM P A
! Incorpora ted !
P UBLI C LIBRARY
E nter ed a t S ta tionerr Ha t
'
1 5 8 3 9 83
AW OL
L ENO!
AND
Ti bDEN N I B DATIONS
‘
19 4 1
L
Rig g s P rinting
P ubl is h ing Co
Al ba ny, U S A
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.
.
C O NTEN T S
WHEN
THE
Ev:
MAN
P AGE
WAS
AND r m:
L AKE
v
A MONOCHROME
THE HI S TORY
or A
9:
1 19
P ARADO!
I 73
Wh e n
Eve
Wa s No t
C re a te d
Wh e n
Eve
Wa s No t
C r e a te d
I
N the edge of the far North S ea just
where the last point of the gleaming white
cl ifiF dips down into t he treacherous water there
res t s on a narro w shelf of sand in a niche
formed by rock and sea a tiny fisher village
that is the beginning of my s tory
To think h ow it ever came there at all is but
to make another observation on the marvellous
persistence of man s nature To comprehend
when fertile plains are yet unbroken how it is
that folk will live there ; to watch how they will
drive picks into the rock behind in order that
they may mine out another inch of doorstep s o
that some time in a rage the black water may
not quite suck them under ; to explain all these
things with satisfaction is to solve man y ques
tions of the universe and throw open the s hut
ates
of
science
g
Yet there the village is and there it h a s been
f or centuri es The waters are t ru s ti ng and g en
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3
W h en
Was Not Crea ted
Ev e
5
clutching close at his heart he d oes not utter a
sound but stares ou t in the face o f the water
This boy has a father and mo ther ; also
brothers an d sisters
He has many playmates
too an d is beloved by all in the village Still
he is never at rest Alrea dy he feels something
lacking
I want some one to love all for my
o wn
he used to say reverently to himself when
h e ha d crept up on a ledge of the rock a n d was
looking out over the sea
I want some one
who will be mine all my life and to whom I
”
ca n tell all of my thinking
Then when he
woul d go back to his playmates again an d they
fl ocked around him shouting and when the
wo men s toppe d to caress him as they passed
an d the men called out g ruFfly from their boats
then he was more than ever alone more than
wi th the sea out before him But he woul d
laugh and shout wi th the res t He woul d run
an d plan all t he games till they sai d he was the
h a ppiest boy in the village an d strangely
enough this was really true
His yearning must fasten on something
There was a li ttle girl who playe d wi t h them
Her name was Helma Sorensen She too
ha d t he eyes of the North and long brai d s of
flaxen hair Her face d id not tan like the
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Wh e n
6
Ev e
Was Not Crea ted
others perha ps beca use she d i d not play out
She was always afraid of the sea and sat with
her dolls in the house
The boy came to love this girl an d he tried to
get her to play wi th the ocean
See Helma
I run right in here wherever t he white sand
shows t hrough Come hol d fas t on to my
”
han d we will run down always together
But Helma shrank back still afraid though
she was pleased at the bol dness of her hero
The boy grew more and more to love little
Helma He thought of her whatever he was
doing In some fa nta s t ic fashion he would
twist the whole motive of his work till he made
it tend toward her pleasure
His father perhaps set him to men ding the
”
net s
No w my Queen has set me a task he
woul d say to himself at his working
She
watches over me now stan d ing by much
please d if I am skilful If I become slothful
or get impatient and break the t hrea d s she will
not look her reproof but in her heart she will
”
feel a great sorro w
As he grew o l der he was sometimes taken
out in the boat an d bid den to do some small
helping Then he would think of Helma as
being with him and much aff right at the depth
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W h en
Ev e
Was Not Created
7
the water Perhaps she woul d become di zzy
an d fall in and then he woul d leap in and res
cue her swimming far o ff to the shore an d
soo thing her even when he was hopeless
Once when they were playing on the beach a
child did get in to deep water and he boldly
plunged in wi t hout thought and save d it at the
risk of his life The women praised him
greatly f o r this and his heart was big wi th
thinking that Helma should hear He was too
modest to speak of it himself and never when
he saw her d i d she mention it Perhaps her
a dmiration was beyon d her words and he love d
her still more for her silence After many
mon ths he ven tured with much fear to praise
her for it He learned then that she had hear d
of the incident but that she had forgotten it at
once It had never occurred t o her since Per
haps this was the greatest disappointment of
his young life He grieve d about it for days
and lived quite alone in the cli ff Bu t gra d
From day to
ua l ly he became reconciled to it
day he ca ught glimpses of t he flaxen braids and
stole a glance into the innocent blue eyes
Of course she coul d not be thinking of my
petty dee ds
he sai d
She has queenly
”
thoughts to concern her
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Wh en
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Ev e
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For two years the boy live d on lov i ng the
blue eyed Helma His devotion was general ly
known in the village though no one now spoke
of it to him They ha d learned from speaking
a t firs t that the blood woul d rush up to his face
and t he tears woul d brim in his eyes No one
was used to his tears so th ev never would let
any one tease him When a stranger came to
the village an d began the remarking of this
they would always carefully explain h ow Svend
was sensitive about Helma and you must not
speak of t he subject or pre t end t hat there was
anything unusual in his passion As for the
other boys w h o had always been his playmates
t hey did not speak of these t hings nor did they
pay attentions to Helma They had respect
for the young Viking s fists
One day when the two were alone f or a mo
men t she complained of this jealousy in her
peevish chil d way and sai d she hated him He
ha d been all on fire with his passion although
he had not so much as touche d her han d when
he ha d given her some playthings Still she
may have fel t his strength though suppressed ;
the love sense is ever most sen sitive She would
not often play with him alone
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W h en
Ev e
Was Not Crea te d
9
Well after she ha d crie d out with irritation
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boy sai d never a word but played on as if
nothing ha d happened In all th e weeks after
ward he made no sho w that he was a ff ected
but gra dually it became known in the village
that Svend had passed over his devotion To
ward Helma he was the same as toward the
res t He was no doubt growing out o f his
childishness
Helma herself felt bitterly aggrieved at this
and began to show him marked preference and
—
attention He was always kind to her more
kin d than ever before ; but the won der from his
eyes had departed He smile d wi th the sad
ness tha t is knowledge
One more year passed an d Svend was twelve
years ol d He must go off to work said the
mother ; we have now too many at home
A place was foun d wi t h an uncle who lived
back in the hills He was to become a carrier s
errand boy an d to help in changing the horses
All th e worl d seemed opened up to him He
should see now all that he had dreamed of
He did not eat he d i d not sleep He hard ly
heard the farewells of the people of the village
Once as he was going away his eyes fell on the
th e
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W h en
12
Ev e
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pat the smooth cu rve of their necks Some
times if he was feeling very lonely or if he had
been impatient with them in the evening be
cause they were too eager to be eat ing he woul d
be filled with love or repentance an d he would
put his young arms around their hea ds and
press his own face to theirs for forgiveness
At the carrier s house where t he boy lived
there were no chil d ren but stayi ng with th e
carrier s wife was a younger sister a maid of
some seventeen years Th orka had an old
sweetly serious face and took an interest in the
daring yo ung Viking Her hair was combed
smoothly back in plain bands She ha d quiet
ways and firm soft gentle fingers Th orka
was interested in birds an d in flowers and
showed many things to the boy s dawning won
der Among other things she showed him new
love
Already far back in the s ea an d cli ff village
little Sven d ha d g iven sign s of his bent He
drew pictures easily an d joyously making all
of the goo d folk to marvel He ha d drawn
animals first and birds all of those known in
the ark ; and t hen he had made boats and ships
and finally the most wonderful landsca pes
such places as no one had ever seen Even the
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W h en
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crabbed schoolmaster w h o care d only f or
ciphering and reading and w h o was never ea sy
from worrying over new pranks was prou d to
speak praise f or the boy
Some day he will
”
be a great man
they had lea rned to say nod
ding thei r hea ds
An d now with the influence o f the new love
for Th orka thi s power was wi d ening out He
was learning to shadow out the human face
the mysteries of its speech and emotions AI
ways he was try i ng to do this s o that he could
—
picture one face Th o rka s ; but never could
he do th at half bea utiful enough but Helma s
he remembered ea sily The blue eyes the
fl ax en brai d s no matter if the eyes had some
thing o f soullessnes s in their sta ring He un
ders tood a l l in those eyes but try as he would
o ver again he could not catch Th o rka s expres
sion
An d the girl helpe d him in many little ways
She had a box o f colou rs that she used for her
drawings of the flowers an d thes e she shared
wi t h her playmate She taught him too the
simple rules she had learne d at her school all of
which he un derstood where she but remem
bered the w ord ing
Then travelers came a long th e brown roa d
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Wh e n
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Ev e
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an d artis ts g ot him to sit for them while they
sketched and they showed him how to lay on
the color praising his work till he walked in
the air for days after Always they said he
was beautiful and always they wanted him to
sit for t hem This seemed so strange to him
when he thought there was only Th o rka to see
They never spoke to him of Th o rka s bea uty
Only once did he mentio n it to one an d his a n
s w er was a word half a sneer a strange so un d
ing foreign word that the boy could not under
But still his own love never questioned
s tand
He worshipped when the girl never knew a nd
always alone he was trying to paint her an d
beating his hand till it was bruised with beat
ing because it would not succeed
Then she went away to the town
It is
”
necessary to return to the school was all the
explanation that she gave How coul d she
know that it was breaking his heart and she
even seemed glad to be going
Each night for many months afterwar d
Sven d used to go out and talk to his horses
He used to paint them as well and he could pu t
Then the traveling ar
th e pity in their eyes
t is ts praised him f o r this and sh owed him new
won d ers still more ; an d they left with him o d d
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Wh e n
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bits of ca nvas and ha lf tubes of color and
b rushes
Always he was yea rning f o r her face look
ing till the strain came into his eyes ; the
haunted look that is o f the North and is seen
in every Viking face It may be bu t a shadow
down across the cheek it may be but a line o f
the jaw but always in the Scandinavia n it is
there a yearning that clutches the so ul in th e
blue eyes
Sometimes his tire d memory would catch the
face unawares an d then his hea rt would bea t
more sturdily for days unt il he sickened wi th
longi ng because he had not s een it again . He
tried to dream the face in the night but there
was a clogging dull haze in his dreams To
him the most dreary fate in the world was a
future when he should entirely forget when he
coul d never call the face back But he lived
on with his pain t ing and his work and all said
that he was the mos t joyous boy in the world
He was well in his third year at the station
now being near the ag e of fifteen when Th orka
suddenly returned They had rec eive d n o
word to expect her the boy came in from his
horses in the evening and there she was sitting
by the win dow ; he felt so awkward and big
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W h en
16
Wh y
Eve
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have grown ! sai d Th orka
immediately on greeting him From time to
t ime throughout the evening he looked at her
an d tried to see wherein she had changed f or
at the first he sai d that she was not the sa me
He could no t decide as h e looked how the
change had quite come about She was as
placid and sweet as before There were the
same gen tle ways with the hands but where
was the soul he ha d known !
Gradually as he came to s ee her for d ays it
came tha t the change was in him : that the soul
had been a creation of his own Th orka ha d
even improved in the years ; it was he who had
left h er behind
This di d not appear from without For she
was th e well matured woman an d he was th e
lank restless boy Th orka felt it however
and instinctively venerated h is presence though
she assumed the familiarity of the el der Svend
knew it all very well though outwardly he
shrank timi d an d ashamed Then the woman
bega n to love the bashful yo uth to love h im
for the man he was to be an d this was most
painful of a ll for the boy s love ha d vanish ed
away
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W hen
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17
She used to come to him in gentle eld er sis
ter ly fashion and as k to look wi th him a t his
pictures and then as if forgetting herself in her
int eres t she would lay her soft hand on h is
neck He shrank from her touch as if it ha d
been something poisono us He felt that s h e
was not quite sisterly that her interest di d not
make her forget Once when the twilight was
soft and they ha d been for some time together
she impulsively d rew his face up against h er
b reast ; his shame burned at the remembrance
for days
Then the outsi de worl d came calling him
Before this time a railroad had been creeping
up into this province and now the first engine
had arrive d There was no more need of the
horses They were sol d to some far away city
and the boy must seek out new work Na t
u ra l l y the railroad pointe d th e way
He must
ride in the ri chly furnished coach that was
dragged along the track like th e wind At the
—
end too was the o f t d reamed o f city the
place that th e artis t s had said was so ugly but
t o which they ha d always returned
”
Good by Th orka he said half putting
out his hand She seize d the hand in both her
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W hen
18
Ev e
Was Not C reated
ssed it th ere before them al l Her
breast was shaking with sobs The tears were
flowing from her eyes
As he seated himself in the ma gn ificent coa ch
among st range people he had never s een a s
the familiar lan d scape bega n to run backwards
past the win dow and only far away remained
stea dy he too felt soft tea rs in his eyes B ut
whether they were for Th orka or for h imself
he was not experienced to tell
ow n a nd k i
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Wh en
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Ev e
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—
all his fondness for comrades a
live
tiny l ow browed attic with a window opening
out on th e roofs Th ere h e came home at night
and prepared his own evening meal and ate it
with his lamp and his books
As a boy even back in the village of the cli ff
he had been passio nately fond of reading
Many a night his mother had arisen and
driven him off to bed only to awaken again and
find that he had relighted the candle and was
lost once more in the page It had been tales
then that most took him quaint ol d mysteries
of the North half religion and half romance
He had loved the adventurous ones too of the
Vikings and the brigands who lived in the
South
Later on at the ca rrier s s ta tion he had
grown to read history more and always there
were books left by the travelers who passed
through and loved him and longed to give him
proof of their love
But now his taste was changing again He
was entering the first gates of manhoo d
Tales o f love he wanted now though he was
ashamed to confess it to the men He told
them of the books he had read ; no t a word o f
his reading at present He bought these books
to
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Wh e n
E ve
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21
at the stalls with the privilege o f exchanging
them again He carried them up to his attic
room and pored over them as he ate or set
them up before him later as he worked wash
ing dishes and following his story or carrying
it through the mending of his clothes Love !
love ! beautiful women and stro ng daring h e
roes ; the roma nce of the first meeting together
and the intricacies of diffi culty before the wed
ding ; one after another he read of these ; hun
dreds he could count them in all never com
plain ing that they were always the same often
going back to the fond declaration and repeat
ing it till he kn ew it by heart and could say it
to himself as he worked
He did not take these stories deeply to him
self a t the time though he always i magined
himself as the hero Or perhaps he took them
so deeply that he did not need love in reality
How ever it may have been he cared very little
for the companionship o f women at this time
He looked upon them all with something o f
reverence and shyn ess but beyond a few words
in passing he knew only the heroines of the
books
H is painting however he di d not once f or
get There were new materials in th e city and
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Ev e
Sundays were goo d days f or work At times
he could sell a smal l picture to enco urage his
interest still more
One yea r tw o years three years he re
mained in the wide gloomy cavern working
with his comrades the men hoarding his small
earnings to send home No w he was full eigh t
een years ol d ea rning the wage of a man but
in every wa y a boy for all that ; a grown bo dy
with inexperienced soul and yet there was a
longi ng for experience the restlessness th a t
books were failing to charm away During th e
last year he became much in the habit of laying
asi d e the love story and putting ou t the smal l
light he woul d creep softly out of his window
and lie on the slow sloping roof looking up
an d d rea ming with the stars Which one was
his ! he often aske d himself Which one hel d
his fate in its wheeling an d watched him as it
traversed the s ky ! I t should become known
to him when he met with the woman w h o was
his mate something seemed to whisper him a n
swer
Her character will point out your
”
star ; until then you shall be unable to t ell
He liked the faint glowing band of the milky
way and won dered and wondere d at its rich
ness if this could be the matu rity of l o v e
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Wh en
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Then gra d ually he became accustomed to l et
his mind d well on a black s ta rless spot right in
the th ickest o f the nebulous path high up in th e
po int of the z enith His eye s strained to catch
his sta r there What glory if it shoul d one
day appear to him and light up the blacknes s
surrounding Gradually this came to be h is
—
fate the hope that a star woul d app ear
The last months he gave up his books and
wandered in the streets as if search ing He
looked at the women wh o were passing con
fused ii they turned at his glance though they
did no t seem displeased at his staring and were
often on the point o f asking if they could help
him there was something so like hunger in h is
eyes B ut always he turned away He saw
that the face was something lacking
He w ent to the theatres and concerts He
ha d a native loving for music Women came
an d playe d before him there displaying all
types o f beauty He used to think a t times that
he had found the one chosen at last an d f or
night after night he would g o to the perform
ance and coming home would look for his star
In the en d there was something at fault Then
he coul d never more than look at these women ;
he was far too humble to spea k to them
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Wh e n
24
.
Ev e
Was No t Crea ted
One day he met a lady in the street I t was
Sunday She was going to church She w as
d ressed all in black ; he guessed she was mourn
ing for some one Just at the moment he was
passing she chanced to let her prayer book fall
He stooped quickly to pick it up and in return
ing it to her his coarse fingers brushed on her
glove Ah how the fire shot through him !
He looked up and her eyes were gazing into
his blue eyes with tremulous lids ; he was sure
it was the tears that he saw there and the lady
”
was 0 so young
Thank you was all that
she said and h e coul d not have spoken for his
life
That week he was restless from the first h is
restlessness increasing as the days passed He
was wondering if she would g o again to
church Promptly at the time he was waiting
He h ad gone an hour early for fear he should
miss her Sure enough she came walking by
but this time she did not drop her prayer book
she di d not even so much as see him
From week to week he was only waiting till
Sun day shoul d come about so that he could
meet her on the street He was bold enough to
foll ow her once when she came out from
the church and he saw her g o into a large
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Wh e n
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25
stone house She must be a lady o f noble
b irth
From that day the stone house became the
center of his universe He never forgot its
”
direction Now I m going from it he would
say in the cavern as he worked and his heart
seemed to yea rn back toward it
Now I am
”
returning he woul d change and the heart
was singing and happy At night when the
work was en ded and his simple meal was over
he would dress himself in the neatest he could
aff ord and walk out to look at his house There
was a little light often burning in one of the
highest windows ; this he concluded must be
hers ; an d he always prayed to that light an d
said he had fo und out his star He ca me to
love the stone house like a friend ; it seemed to
understand all his trouble
One Sunday morning he felt that something
would happen The feeling had been growing
all the week Perhaps she woul d d rop her
prayer book again ; if so he would b e embol d
ened to speak to her He had come down
nearer the house this time He could not wait
at th e usual corner Surely his fate woul d be
d eci ded
Pro mptl y at the time the door opened and
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Wh e n
26
Ev e
Was No t Crea ted
the beloved figure ca me out A litt le dog ca me
wi th her though she had told it at the door to
go back The dog too must follow her in spite
of her commands She had proceeded some
way when the tiny fellow longing for recog ni
tion and forgiveness ran and lay at her feet
She had not seen him and so tripped an d hal f
fell catching her foot in the lace of her d res s
and sadly tearing the fl ounce When she sa w
what was done she cried out aga inst the dog
and calling the trembling beast to her quite
—
kindly it was panting with the love it kn ew
—
for her she beat it fiercely with her hand
using the sharp corner of the prayer book
Then she ran back to the house leaving the dog
there quivering with sorrow
The boy watching went across the street to
speak to it but it would not give him any
notice It had received no physical injury
The pain from the beating must have been
slight but it lay there mo aning like a child
He could not comfort it or make it see him
Svend walked away from the stone house an d
never returned to it again But his comra d es
did not find him less merry
One day he said farewell to them all f o r
he had purchased a passage to America
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Wh e n
28
Ev e
Was No t Created
given to thoughts o f relig ion an d spoke an d
acted chiefly with regard to the world after
dea th They could not leave this young man
to d ie because they kn ew that he was not
converted
A daughter Ruth a girl of about his own
age became his chief nurse an d care taker
Often in the delirium of his fever when he
would waken for a moment to reality he would
see her praying by his bedside her white hand s
plea d ingly uplifted her lips repeating petitions
She seemed to be more angel than woman
Then the fever had him whirling again
The crisis of the disease was passed over and
faintly he awakened to life He was now l ike
a new born babe All sensations must be
lea rned anew Naturally as he grew up a man
all his experiences had but one center that was
the unselfish girl w h o sat patiently sewing at
his bedside
He used to lie watching her movements
waiting for some new perfection If she spoke
marveled
at
her
voice
and
won
d
ered
if
e
h
Heaven knew such music If she moved he
was in raptures at that To him it was the
poetry o f motion
She used t o read to him always from the
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Wh e n
Ev e
Was No t Created
29
B ible and explain to him th e strange places in
a language that he was fast learning to com
prehend It seemed s o easy to him to remember
all of her words He told them over to himself
when he was left to be sleeping
He would remember too how she ha d looke d
as she spoke them Very beautiful she was to
him ; to all she must have been pleasing
Her face was long and slim an d filled with
religious devotion Her smooth light hair was
combed down the high sides of her b row A
saint s brow could not have been purer Her
eyes were large and limpid with spiritu al
beauty ; her mouth was thin lipped and control
led ; her chin firm set and well pointed Next to
the saintly face the young man worshipped her
hands As he grew into more lusty health but
as yet was unable to g o about the house he used
to sit watching her hands devising how they
might be brought to touch him Perhaps he
asked her to give him something a new pen
or tiny piece of colour He always chose some
thing small so that contact o i fingers woul d be
necessary Her fingers were so firm and cool
such long graceful delicate fingers He woul d
sit wi th her mother f or hours his lips fairly
parching with fever and say he w a s not thirsty
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Whe n
0
3
Ev e
Was Not Create d
at all so that when Ru th came he could ask
her for wa ter Sometimes his collar was chok
ing or he needed cool water on his forehead
but always t he fingers were shy at these de
mands there was a certa in coquettishness in
the fingers And yet he was sure at times that
Ruth fel t something of love beyond her sym
pathy for his helplessness Most of all she was
interested for t he welfare of his soul She had
never met wi th such obduracy She read to
him tirelessly from the Book but he seemed to
be listening to the reader and not to the
meaning of the words
Svend did try to believe After he had gone
out from their house and was at work again
for t he farmer he would come and spend Sun
day with his friends and together they would
try to convert him It was terribly in earnest
with them they had rescued him on the brink
of t he grave in order to win his soul over to
Heaven and now t hat the body was saved the
soul was still hanging over perdi t ion
They used always to take him to their church
and watch him eagerly as th e preacher spoke
the t ruths that they thought must convert even
the deaf so clearly they rang in their hearing
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Whe n E v e Was Not Created
I
3
In the even ing they would invite in some o f the
el ders of the church and together they would
work for this lost one Th ey all loved him now
as their son ; much more that he must be w on
for Heaven And the young man tried At his
work he pondered over the faith ; he argued and
prayed in the night time It seemed s o beauti
ful to believe so rational and peaceful and help
ful B e s i d es wi th belief t here was Ruth the
saintly sweet wife waiting for him She had
never spoken of thi s but he felt i t was so from
her often He struggled and prayed to believe
but belief would no t qui t e come to him
One evening after they had been making ex
t ra eff or t all day it seemed he was at last t o be
chosen Several of t he elders had returned
with them from church and even Ru th had
joined in the arg ument Before she had only
read to him from books ; she could no t bring
herself to the intimacy of personal talk But
to day there had been a short time alone and
the white hands were t rembling and the tears
sounded in her beaut iful voice
That evening they were praying around him
kn eeling and beseeching the Lord He felt the
power of their faith ; almost he was now in the
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W hen
2
3
Ev e
Was Not Crea ted
faith He lifted up h is eyes as i f to look f o r the
light o f grace that seemed to be falling u pon
him A kerosene lamp lighte d the room an d as
he l ooke d its rays instea d of falling on h im
seeme d to co ncentrate on the shining bal d pate
of the oldest deacon w h o was praying B ack
an d forth up and down bobbed the shining
lum inous poll o f the deacon The bo y was a
boy in an instant He laughed outright in his
nervous excitement an d the spell of th e circle
was b roken
He kne w how he was woun d ing their feel
ings He knew they love d him more than any
one in the world and yet he coul d not control
himself He laughed out lou d and long in
spite of the astonished grief in Ruth s f ace
No doubt she thought him possessed of the
Dev il She was never quite the same towards
him afterwards
And his feeling toward her changed as well
He saw that she was not the consummate wo
man He wanted to be loved f or himself f or
his manhood his streng th an d imprisoned
genius She could see only his soul the fervour
with which he praised his C reator This was
well that a wife shoul d see No one had ever
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Wh e n
Ev e
Was Not Created
33
een it before in him th ough he ha d been con
scious of it always But be s ides this he pos
s essed many other feelings as well
He ha d an
intellect a love for the beautiful ; he ha d all the
passions as well and the human intrica cies that
develop from them These Ruth could not
even partially kn ow she was n arrowed an d
co nfined by her religion
It was very sad to him wandering in the
field at night learning that he was alone where
once he had thought himself mated
The
moon shone upon him healingly There was a
sweetness and balm in its companionship that
he had never quite taste d before He learn e d
to love the soft moonlight so that he lived in
it more than in sunshine In daylight he s a w
only in memory and his festivals were the
nights of full moon There were wide pastures
with gently waving slopes and dark trees
stan d ing upon them to catch the mysterious
shadows Sheep and horses walked among
them at times feeding peacefully in the dim
n ess Then up would rise the silvery round
moon and bathe them in her flood of white
ether Their backs ca ught the pale lustrous
l ight They were created creatures of Heaven
s
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34
.
W h en
Ev e
Was Not Crea ted
The boy walke d in ecstasy then forgetting
that he ha d been weary with labour Now Ruth
the saint wife was forgotten He m ust find
h im a mate to walk here and f eel with him in
th i s pasture the holiness o f faint f alling light
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W h en Ev e Was Not Crea ted
6
3
They used to g o out sketching together and
were as confid ential as brother an d s i ster
more than these usually are There wer e long
walks in wide co untry meadows with reading
o f the poets and di s cussion with guesses at th e
meaning o f life and narra t ions o f past experi
en ce as a rgu ment There were excursions to
al l parts of the ci ty in search o f the picturesque ;
walks in the marketing place ; exclamations a t
bright bi t s o f colour ; again in the confusion o f
commerce where the great horses drew heavy
wagons and drivers sat like the bro nze of ol d
masters The wharves too were familia r
places and they were on intimate terms with
the ol d woman who pi cked the rags and bits o f
wool there and sold them again to the dealer
The girl knew the likings o f the poor always
an d could adapt herself to their ways They
need only look into her eyes and see the sweet
trembling mouth to share with her all o f their
troubles Partly because the poor are more
picturesque and partly because they loved them
f or their poverty t he tw o companions use d
often to g o into the most miserable quarter o f
the city so m uch s o that many came to look
f or their coming and felt sa d when they d i d not
appear
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W h en
Ev e
Was Not C reat ed
37
The young man use d to liv e i n open a dmira
t ion of the winn i ng ways in which this beauti
ful patrician Alice would g o into the lowest of
these hovels She was always as one of th em
from the first though in ev ery way she was
d i ff erent She thought their thoughts suf
f er ed their ca res and was even poo r in their
pove rty She sang some simple ol d ditty to th e
randmother
told
wonderful
stories
the
chil
t
o
g
dren an d talked to the men about work and th e
unusual tightness of the times Meanwhile
Svend sat in the background a dmiring along
with the rest He was loo ked upon by them al l
as the lucky young man she would marry
They often joked her about that and she took
it without confusion or blushing looking in t o
his eyes an d laughing merrily though he ha d
never spoken of love
He used to won der often when he was alone
whether he really did love her C ertainly the
day was long that he did not see her ; certainly
he was restless and peevish
It was strange how he coul d talk to her ab out
anyt hing without the slightest concealment or
hesitat ion ; of the lower life of the city on which
men are usually silent to women of their ow n
class ; on general questions of men and women
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Wh e n
8
3
—questions
Was Not Crea ted
Ev e
sex an d o f marriage Here he
l earned the w oman s point of view the fi xed
virtues that in man are but prej u d ice
”
Di d he love the clear eyed Alice !
Svend
asked himself aga in and again Did she love
him in return ! Of this h e felt a little mo re
certain With a woman the tenderness lies
nearer the surface and more eas ily looks out
the eyes
One night of the full moon they were com
ing home t hrough an avenue o f dark trees the
fl ecking of the changing light and shadow was
b ewitching the ripple of her hair Yes he
surely now love d her She was dressed in a
simple white gown with blue ribbons fl utter
ing at her waist The fine white folds fell float
ing She was never more pure and more sweet
There was a faint melting softness in her eyes
that could not be wholly the moonligh t ; her re d
lips were tremulous and tempting There was
noth i ng a man should d o but kiss them
Suddenly a carriage dashed by the horses
uncontrolled by a driver Later on came the
police in hot chase and t he two watched and
listened to see if they could get news of the
ca pture
The excitement o f the incident the specula
of
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W h en E v e Was No t C rea ted
39
tion as to whether any one was in the lurching
car r i ag e th e a pp reciation of the a rti s tic b e uty
a
of the horsemen as they ro d e along unconsciou s
all these things cause d them to
o f watchers
forg et lo ve and d rove sentiment out of their
heads
Next day it all came back to Sven d the
bea uty and witchery of the moonlight He
was relieved however to think that the kis s
ha d not been taken not but that it woul d have
been delightful but it seemed best to g o on in
purity to let the friendship en d without
marring
For the friendship must end ; at least it must
b e interrupted Young ambition coul d not be
satisfied in America Svend must finish h is
training in Paris
There were gay farewells at the wharf for
a crowd ha d come to see his d eparture Han d
shakes and goo d wishes everywhere ; promises
to meet in the future As the boa t turn ed slowly
away the hats and handkerchiefs were waving
one white spot seen alone among the rest
faintly and tremulously waving The tea rs
were flowing from Svend s eyes his throat wa s
contracted with sobs
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VI
ARIS that perennial exposition ! The
intoxication o f the free Latin qu a rter
where the primitive and the end o f the century
are so curiously mingled in harmony ; a life
among fighting men where each one mus t rank
by his muscle ; the quarreling and the jealousy
of free lovers ; the mir th and raillery over the
defeated Friendships here too as friendships
all over the eart h Fencing and wrestling and
songs
Beautiful women standing naked
Then the reckless abandon of the nigh t s the
gaiety o f music and dancing : women every
where women who live that men may have
plea sure Suppers where wine is like water to
wild animals and with all t his the seriousness
of you th the earnest soul struggling toward
the ideal long walks alone in the night and
hearts aching up to the stars
Svend was here a leader as before Long
and gaunt he was wi th the tragedy half con
He had muscles like
cea l ed in merry eyes
finest spun steel and skill tha t comes from nat
ural training He could strike any t wo men
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40
Was Not Created
Ev e
W h en
4
1
down in a moment an d hal f langui dly cha l
leng e a th ir d He was the champion wrestl er
o f the school
and no one had seen him put
down ; fencing he took up in ea rnest till h is
master must plead of fatigue Then he walke d
out on the street People could d ress here as
they chose Wh o coul d choose so da ringly as
he ! A white wool heavy knit j ersey with bag
ging corduroy trousers an d elegant laced half
boots Ev eryh ere he wore his crimson painter s
cap his s ti ff white hair showing under When
it was col d he a ff ected a cloak long and in the
manner of a brigand Al ways he whistl e d as
”
he walked
Touch me if you dare was in
his shoul ders and yet there was never a jol l ier
fel low
He lived alone in a curious little shed which
he cal led his studio His friend s came to see
him when asked At times when they came
unasked they could get no response from
within but departed with a vague haunted feel
ing that the tenant might after all be there list
All agreed he was a curious yo uth and
ening
a l l vie d i n claiming his a ff ection
The women more than the men chose this
one a s their comrade He seemed to under
s tan d them so wel l an d to feel no shock at their
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Ev e
W h en
Was Not C rea ted
weaknesses He was al ways rea dy f or their
revels and yet stoppe d short at one po in t
h e would never make love l ike other men
When they urged him he said quietly I am
”
waiting
They soon had a romance worke d
out o f h ow h e was in love with some great
lady some lady it was impossible to wed and
he woul d always remain true to her B y d e
grees this story came to be a part of his char
acter No one was i ntroduced to him but it
was whispered Some were bol d enough to
speak openly to him or even to p l ea d for his
confidence To these there was always the ol d
answer the same tragedy of smile in his
eyes :
I am waiting dear child waiting
S hal l we meet at the dance about midnight !
”
I shall claim the first turn as yo ur pa rtner
In the summer months he went away toward
the sea and live d an d painted quite alone Al
ready it was known he had gen ius Artists a l
ways can recogni z e that
There were wide flat marshes by the sea
an d behind them long l ines o f shallow hills ;
here he used to wan d er with the moon his old
love who was with him again His passion
now was to paint only w i th her
He woul d
show the richness of h is love th e wonders
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W h en
Ev e
Was Not Crea ted
were quivering and yea rn i ng as much as ever
The pain was now too in his brea st an d his
a rms ached f o r something to be clasping At
night when he slept an d the moon was not on
him he dreamed o f a b eautiful woman the Eve
that came of h is rib and just as she appeared
to him b lushing he awoke to seize her in his
arms only to real ize the emptiness o f the dark
ness Then al l day as he worked he felt the
heartache ; all day there was the disappoint
ment in his l ips When he coul d en dure this
no l onger he hurrie d to Paris again to revel
and forget with the crow d
It was in the third year of this life that the
whispering began to grow excite d Wa s i t
possible that this Galahad sho uld love ! He was
attentive to one of their number the queen o f
the women o f Paris She was a beauty from
one of the southern provinces who ha d risen
from a simple village g irl In the village they
sai d she ha d fallen but not s o in this free Latin
ua
ter
r
Q
H er form was moulded after Venu s and her
flesh was the texture o f pansies such soothing
exquisi te flesh ; cool and rounded and mobile
To have her for a model meant success and our
artist had his mo del when he chose Beauty
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W h en
E ve
Was Not Created
45
and love seeme d to be the f oo d he ha d h un
r
f
r
e
e
d
o
N
when
the
wo
an
ha
d
left
him
o
w
m
g
he sa t long and sil entl y th inking Then he
wo ul d turn an d look at h i s canvas He coul d
paint this though he coul d not paint the moon
light ; the violet eyes with wh ite heavy li d s the
wea lth o f abundant auburn hair Her favorite
own
was
of
lilac
v
elvet
flowing
full
o
n
e
g
lengt h away from her shoul ders The white
shou l ders an d brea st an d full th roat seeme d
to take up a tinct of the colour an d reproducing
it in th eir own texture ma d e it flush like the
d awn o f th e sunligh t Then the deep hues of
violet eyes ; the queen cro wn of rippl i ng red
hair ! He wondere d if he really loved as she
sat there half beckoning to h im
As f or her there seemed little doubt ; but
then loving he knew was her p ro fes sion ;
moreover wh o could not l ove th i s strong
northern Viking with the beauty o f a go d in
his limbs an d the haunting of lost souls in h is
eyes !
One night they were feasting together and
he told himself this doubting sho ul d cea se He
wo uld seize love an d hol d i t i n h is a rms
”
L et u s
More wine he s a id to Adél e
”
dr ink to the botto m of th e cup
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6
4
Ev e
W h en
Was Not Created
”
the bottom she laugh e d in rep ly a nd
there was meaning in her violet eyes
He rhyme d and sang as he drank He tol d
her o f the loves o f his youth and how al l were
ending in this The woman un derstoo d a s h e
talked ; his passions were her o wn through h er
sympath y He watched her as she lived h is
pa st life an d joyously came the dawn to h im ;
h e had found h is love mate at l ast
More wine more confidence and more lov e ;
th e glasses were clinking at their l ips s o clos e
were their faces together Wha t wealth in a
p erfect woman s b o dy ; what power i n the roun d
o f curve d l ine !
Her b reath flowe d l ike sp r i ng
o er the mea dows ; hil l ocke d mea dows of her
fruitful r i sing breasts Her eyes burne d opal
fire in deep wells ; faint perfume exhaled from
her blushing The man put his han d o ut before
him to push away the wine glass from between
th eir lips : he knew that when he kissed her it
woul d be f or al ways they coul d not b e parte d
t i ll death Alrea dy he felt th e comp l etenes s
He woul d never b e alon e
a nd sat i ety of living
Relief f or the ye arn ing in h is lip s
now ag ain
f ul l nes s f o r the aching in his breast !
The wine glass well removed the ! oy at last
app roa ching consummation what was i t that
To
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W h en
Ev e
Was Not Crea ted
47
he s aw in her fa ce ! What mea nt th e trickl ing
line about her mouth ! Wa s it sen sua l ity or a
mau dlin hint of the wine ! He looked ag ain
Surely it was not there ; it ha d only been th e
trick o f his imagination Then fa intly he s a w
i t flicker a ga in
”
What l you are not lea ving ! g asped
Ad ele
”
I borrowed the janitor s latch key h e
said
an d I promised to return i t before
”
mi dnig h t
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VII
FT E R some years when his fame a s an
artist was well established he went back
to the l ittle village of the cli ff for the hungry
s ea h a d not yet d evoure d it
He foun d new inspiration f or painting in th e
black cunn i ng water in the oppo s ing rock and
the simple fisher folk wh o lived between th em
In summer when the cli ff was fringed with
green ; in winter when it was gleaming with
snow and the water was o f men acing black
ness ; in sunshine in twilight ; best of all in th e
chaste whi te light o f the moon he painted th i s
picture o f his birthplace ; an d the world was not
weary o f pra ising it He painted the villag e
folk too and tol d them long tales from h is
travels
Then there was a woman Helma f or whom
he had brotherly a ff ection She ha d long been
a wife an d a mother ; ha d sons i n deed wh o
were out with the boats an d of whom she cou l d
justly speak with prid e The sons liked the
m
a
o
f
nt
l
e
a
w
h
as
i
pl
e
s
a
n
r
n
t
m
w
s
s
e
o
a
ea
y
g
g
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48
,
Wh e n E v e Was No t C re a t ed
49
the fishers an d the husban d liked him too best
of all ; for the two ha d been chil d ren together
They often joked about the early love for staid
”
Helma
She was not f or me at all thought
the artist but he was always kindly toward her
when he met her
He went up in the hills too one day and
asked after news of Th orka But she was not
known there The carrier s wife had d ied and
the carrier had gone to America
Di d you
”
not see him ! they asked
We thought you
”
too had gone to America
Best of all he loved to play with the chi l
dren and the young ones loved him more than
they loved their own parents He woul d tell
them long stories wi t hout number an d show
them the curious flowers and the insects He
would rollick and play with them too He
was still the merriest soul in the village and
then he would watch with them when they
were sick His love for them never knew
tiring The mother was not more anxious and
gentle than Svend their Svend wh o was
known all over the world
You should marry an d hav e lads of your
”
own the people sai d to him To which he
woul d reply with a laugh Or if s erious he
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Wh e n
0
5
Eve
Was No t C rea t e d
”
would sa y
I am waiting
Once when a
little girl died he lived alone in the cli ff f or
so me weeks
climbing in places so impossible
that the folk said he would never come back
w hen they saw him set out in the morning
Once th ere ca me a lady to the village a lady
tra veling with her mother who was a widow
When these two heard of the artist they asked
h im to come and see them Then he was asked
to paint a portrait of the lady and s o they came
to be much together
She was very beautifu l
to paint He seemed to li ve only f o r her pic
ture The village folk said that she was prou d
beca use of her dign ified bearing She looked
upon them as quite di ff erent from herself
They often warned Svend against her but he
knew very many of her kind and only l aughed
a t their croaking
She was very slender and fair ; almost th e
wind would break her over only that she w a s
H er face was delicately
so lithe and elastic
patrician but it softened when the artist looke d
upon it The lips quivered too in a smile and
the blue eyes were more than he dared to show
in his painting Svend talked to her earnestly
He seemed to be looking for
a nd simply
something in her something he co ul d not d e
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Wh e n E v e Was No t C rea t e d
2
5
serve the other
The gentle excitement o f the
argu ment ma de the spiritual face almost
saintly
”
No doubt you are right
he replied
”
”
l anguid ly
I never was clever at analysis He
rose as if on second thought and passed over
toward the fi s h wife of whom they had been
speaking the woman w h o was spreading the
nets His bearing was so lordly and simple
h e must be a noble by birth was what the la dy
was th inking Then she listened to hear h im
spea k He was going to address the ol d fi s h
wife She knew he would be kin d to the most
lowly
I shall be in to dinner on time to day
mother I am going out with father an d E rik
”
in the boat
He returned to bid her farewell
We may
”
meet in Paris he said
I shall mm to see
”
t
h
e
next
winter
B
ut
the
la
d
y
knew
from
o
u
y
gentleness in his voice that they would never
b e th e same to one another again
’
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VIII
l
H E R E is a restlessness that encircles the
earth and no place will give peace ti l l it has
been visited Svend was growing gray with
world chasing The haun ting was becoming
haggard in his eyes
And yet he was gay with al l peop l e ; ever a
jest and a laugh if it were only to pass on the
street To all women he talked l ightly and
without meaning though sometimes scanning
them narrowly as if he might b e watching f or
something They in turn came to him with
seri ous matters asking his a dvice and assist
ance ea ger to give back of thei r own Bu t he
always put them off with his kin dness ; put
them o ff to seek out others anew
Women ! the worl d was fil led up w i th
women ; and among them he walke d quite
alone There were the beautiful of Indi a a nd the
Ea st the d ainty mai ds of ]apan d impl ing s mil e
beams The Arab had eyes l ike the moonl i gh t
Th e Spanish were of i vo ry flesh Once w hen
painting in far o ff New ! eal and h e met th e
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53
Wh e n E v e Was Not Create d
54
‘
queen of them al l Only he was not content
but took up his wandering Eastward
He was in his fortieth year loung ing out th e
w inter in E gypt when he came upo n C atharine
He felt the change in himself at once
F arr
New work began pla nni ng withi n him
C atharine Farr w as a note d Engl ish woman
who had never written book or painted picture
None the less she was intimate with the genius
of Europe Her conversation was celeb rated
th roughout the lan d
He had been listlessly gaz ing at the p yra
mi d s hal f sleeping vacant minded an d lang uid
This woman came mincing over towards h im ;
She had a
a little woman dow d ily dressed
long nose and sharp chin her face was sall ow
an d plain Her hair was combed down in
,
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a fl ecta tion
.
”
You are S vend the painter she began
And I am Catharine Farr
There was a light in her pal e greenish eyes
that caught his intel l igence at once He leaped
to his feet like a n athl ete who has waited his
ca ll to the contest
”
That is better said Catharine Farr wag
c
a
n
i
ng
her
he
d
sagaciously
One
a
b
e
oo
t
g
”
i dl e even in Egyp t
Soon they began s peak
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Wh e n E v e Was Not Cr ea te d
55
the py ramids an d speculati ng on th e
people who built them Catherine F arr d i d not
speculate carelessly She knew a ll the schola rs
ha d l ea rned She began picturing the ancient
civ ilization and the people seemed to walk in
procession before the painter as she talked
They loved and hated and were ambi tious
They were kind or cruel as she willed
”
I must study their art more closely s a i d
Svend and then I will paint a gr ea t p i ctu re
”
How I wish you coul d help me
”
It is easily done she replied
I a m d o i ng
some research here myself We ca n agreeably
comb ine our labors I have long d es i red to
know you but you flit about the worl d like a
firefly There is a flash and some gallery i s
illumined all of the artists are g athering
around an d behold there is only the refl ection
l eft in your p ictures Your light is in some
other quart er !
”
Appreciation is s o weari some said Svend
Of course when the work is completed
your interest has worked itself out But fin d
some one to appreciate when you are b egi n
ning an d their words are like honey on th e
”
lips
”
Th e
There is no one he said dej ectedly
ing
of
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Wh en
6
5
Ev e
Wa s No t C rea t ed
very few men w h o ca n know are deep in work
of their ow n and the women
”
The women can t know she interrupted
You are too chivalrous t o say it Bu t I am a
”
woman and may speak
At all events it will be di ff erent with this
new picture he laughed
for you have al
”
rea dy begu n to help me
They worked together every morning for
some weeks studying the walls of the temples
At night he would puzzle at his composition
and in the afternoon on some excursion th ev
would discuss it His subj ect was The B uild
”
ing of the Pyramids in name In reality it
was the philosophy of life It was treated in
the ancient Eg yptian manner but in every way
was modern for all t hat
It must contain all
the knowledge and philosophy that the world
”
said C atharine
h a s conta ine d up to this d ay
Farr
”
A dded to it must b e al l the b eauty sai d
Svend with the dreams in his eyes
There was a face or figure to represent ea ch
lea d ing humor or passion The young prince
ambitious with hope the toiler whose father
had begot him in weariness not kn owing
the intel l igence of despair ; the frivolous think
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’
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Wh e n E v e Wa s No t C rea t ed
57
ing of their appearance or the parroti ng of
some nothing they had heard ; the astronomer
waiting f or the stars lost in thought wan der
ings out in the ether ; the priest and devotee of
religion ; the lover ; an d the mother with her
child In the great canvas were scores of
mean in g faces ; nor yet was the human element
excessive f or in the center towere d the stone
of the pyramids ; and floating over and suf
fusing them al l was the wealth of the dusken
ing tw i l i gh t the whispering of ou coming
death
There was one figure that gave them much
torment long argument and final disag reemen t
It was the poet overl ook ing the crowd an d
turn i ng half longingly to the twilight No
where coul d Sven d get a model Catharine
Farr said h e should paint in himself Her a r
t
m
e
n
was
certa
i
nly
logical
He
cou
ld
adapt
u
g
his face to the Egy pti an requirements ; the
color was not d iff erent from h is sun b ronz e
The bl onde in his ha ir was well gray the l one
Paint an d change
s omenes s was all in h is eyes
as he would he coul d not paint the lonesome
”
ness out
It b elongs there sai d Catha ri ne
”
F arr
It is th e true soul of the poet B ut
He woul d
S vend w a s in a rage with h i msel f
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Wh e n
8
5
Ev e
Was Not Crea ted
endure this confession
I shall make h im
”
a d runkard he said at length and the po et
”
sha ll be the old classical mo del
S o he put
in sensuality around the mouth an d feebl e con
tortiou s in the limbs ; but he left the lonely
haunting in the eyes
The eyes he sai d
”
are too good to paint out
Ca tharine Farr wa s irascible for days a n d
s ca rce l y woul d loo k at th e painti ng
The work was finished in time and sent to
Paris for exhibition
S ven d has painted h is
”
masterpi ece exclaimed the critics B ut th e
art i sts still remembered his moonlight
Catharine Farr had also fini shed her work
”
Come and spend the late winter in Rome
she sai d
”
As well Rome as anywhere else replied
Svend
B etter Rome when with C atharine
”
Farr
A l ways the woman was fresh insp iration f or
h im He had never been more stea dily in
du s tr iou s in his life Her tal k teeme d with mo
tives f or his pictures
He took a studio in Rome an d began a seri es
of hi storical paintings which were reall y th e
crea tions of h er l earning S h e knew every cor
not
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Wh e n E v e Was Not
60
Cr e a t e d
Svend wondered if there were mea ning in
these words He wondered if he shoul d speak
to her of love They were walking through
some pasture land in the south o f Engl and
searching for relics o f stone Catharine Farr
was a tirel ess ethnologist an d Sven d ha d
pai nted a series of pictures of the primitive ages
which were now the art talk of Lon don
S vend was considering and consider i ng He
knew that he must make up his m ind They
had talke d of s pending the w inter in C onstanti
n ople
Would it be on his we dding journey !
He had thought this over constantly of l ate
Woul d it be possible for him to live without
her ! He had never been less lonely in his life
To day she was walking on ahea d of him peer
ing about among th e pebbles o f a bank Her
sh ort skirt was of a dark purple Her clumpy
E nglish boots stu ck out b eneath
What a
mincing a ff ectation was in her gait
We
”
must return to this gravel bank o f ten sh e
crie d
”
B ut first I am g oing to have my way sai d
Sven d
for I am g o ing to begin on your
”
po rtrait
Th ey went back to the s tu dio that night each
knowing th a t a change was begi nning They
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Wh e n E v e Was Not Cre a t ed
61
were coming to the summer of love The
winter too might some time be theirs
Next morni ng Sven d was ready with h is
”
canvas
S it s o
he commanded
Now
”
l ook at me stea d ily for a time
As the days went by an d the portra i t began
to g r ow C atharine Farr became restless
She
di d not l ike the hardness in his eyes He
looked at her without so much as recog nizing
w h o she was
She was merely a scheme of line
and colour to him There was nothin g human
in the watching of his eyes
She grew almost petulant in her aff ectation
He coul d hardly keep his port rait from a sim
pering expression when he meant to paint the
enthusiasm of the history of men
Do not look at me with that stony pro
”
f es s ion al stare
she calle d out once at the en d
It is I C atha
o f a long wearisome sitting
rine Farr and you are my frien d S vend the
”
painter
He ma d e no reply but kept painting His
strokes were rapid and stea dy
Sh e rose up and walked away to the win dow
She woul d not endure the har dness in his eyes
Still he kept on with h i s b rush He ma d e no
comment on her going
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W h en
62
Ev e
Was No t Crea ted
fu ll fifteen minutes she stood sta ring ou t
th e w i ndo w at the sky t hen she t u r ned upon
h im queru l ously a l most s ha rp ly
she
Are you nev er going to lea ve off
F
or
,
.
,
!
as ked
.
He did
rep ly for a momen t The
bru s h was s till delica tely flying Then he tu rned
It i s
and la id h is palett e down with a sigh
”
L et
done he replied to her triumphantl y
”
me put it in the frame for you to see
Catharine Farr was satisfied with the por
t rait The plainness o f her features was over
come by the wonderful spirit glowing beneath
S h e an d al l the world could see that She h a d
n ev er been interpreted before
When Svend
th e painter looked at t he picture n ow she saw
a l l h is fri endship for her in his face
B ut once
h e h a d turned again to her there was only th e
kno wle dge of a schem e o f line and colour the
s al low face with the long nose and weak chin
the pursi ng mouth and the round greenish eye s
framed by the thin an d ugly hair combed down
i n simpering aff ectation
He seemed to keep this d i ff erence f or some
day s Then g radually it all melted to k in dnes s
”
For I am going away he said gently
An old f riend has been b egging me to aecom
not
e
t
y
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Wh e n
Ev e
Was Not Crea te d
63
pany him on a four years voyage o f explo ra
tion to the Antarctic continent an d gra dually I
am seeing that I must go I must learn to paint
”
ice before I d ie
’
,
.
.
I!
E R HAP S
there is no way in which man
can more clearly realize his position in the
solar system than by taking habitation on the
ocean and traveling from Arctic to Antarctic
gu ided by the swing ing of the stars
Al ways the plowing o f the propeller always
the sli ding w aters on the bow tell of movement
on our p lanet Then as the days fol d away
into weeks as the weeks are building into
months we watch the faint sun which was
southward warming and growing as it a d
vances toward the zenith The north star is
paling an d sinking the great d ipper is dipping
in the sea Then the fierce sun is burning
overhead warming the deep to a mill pond
Farewell to the north heaven s of our childh ood
The white cross is flashing before us the sun
now receding behind is sailing in circles as we
advance wind ing to its magnetized center like
the wil d hawk of ol d in the north
We have touched points of land as we ca me
They but helped to measure our progress
There was only one land f or us the ice fettere d
P
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64
When
Ev e
Was Not Created
65
ntinent o f the pole silent and a lone in the
water
But a lways even when the lan d was reached
it was the s tars that made up the universe The
ea rth was but the satellite of the sun ; the sun
but a tiny star among the millions Far in
d reams was the past worl d o f people Here
were a few friends in a ship but all lived in the
world of astronomy All measured their time
by star a ges Their thoughts roamed despair
ing o f limits
To S ven d the moon was most human o f all
How strange that his ol d love shoul d be here
He used to lace
s miling on the d eserts of ice
himself into his thickest furs and amidst the
expostulations o f them all w alk out in the sil
ver col d light away toward the loneliness of
the lan d where the roun d moon was illumina
ting the mountains
His passion was ol d in him now It had
worn itself out on i t self He often tried to
yearn as be fore but he foun d that the power
was not in him Now he could paint the moon
light he could shut his eyes almost and do it
s o well he ha d the knowledge of its glowing
white geniu s fires so well he knew the feelings
it incited The younger men stoo d before his
co
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66
When
Ev e
Was No t Crea t ed
pictures an d he coul d see the marks o f pain on
their lips they were feeling the power of his
moon ; only he felt the power no more He
painted wi t h science and prec ision and juggled
with the holiness of his youth as one laughs at
an earlier weakness
There was one young man who stood before
the pictures s o understand ingly that Svend
r
f
o
me
to
have
familiar
feelings
of
possession
a
c
him It w a s as if this yo uth were his s on who
was to carry on the life that now he felt he was
”
losing
Heaven forbid murmured Svend
and one night he invited him out on an excur
sion seeking new memories for his work Soon
they were often together They were like the
father and the son and t he young man told
Sven d once when they were alone how he was
betrothed to a girl up in Sweden his voice soft
ened to tenderness as he spoke of her F or
many days Sven d went about with a n ew
thankfulness an d happiness in his heart This
his son shoul d not live the loneliness he had
l ived
There was sickness a nd afflicti on on the
sh ip Once death came among them with his
s trangeness an d took away the youngest and
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W h en
68
Ev e
Was Not Created
The time di d come slowly at leng th Th e
day was set when they shou l d turn finally
north ward They woul d roun d again the bulg
ing o f the equa tor they would see again the
bel ov ed northern h eavens In their drea ms
now the polar star was shining
On the last night before leaving the land
S vend ma d e rea dy for a journey with his
”
moon
Let me g o with you sai d the youth
Bu t
a nd t here was a d u mb pleading in his eyes
Y ou
Sven d spoke to him stead ily and gently
may walk wi t h me part way he said
After
”
that I must g o on alone
Together they set forth ; the moonlight lay
like sunshine on the plain They headed to
ward some mountain rising icebergs
The
Y ou
winter was already closing them in
”
must go back here said Svend aft er a time
B ut the drifting ice is dangerous yo u will
”
not you must not go further sa id the youth
To me there is but one danger and that is
far from here B ut I promise you I will not
”
take risks ; I will be very careful replied
Svend
When the youth had left him reluctan tly to
return to th e camp S vend stood f or some time
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W he n
Ev e
Was Not Created
69
by the ice It was creaking and groaning at
times wi th the imprisoned water underneath
The water seemed to him like his love That
too was prisone d in his b reast
Then with long swinging stride an d run
ning leap he began his journey to the icebergs
”
I will be very careful he said He was
thinking of the youth w h o had returned
What wonder it was to be alone here among
the rising ice mountains luminous an d trans
parent with the moon The cold struck to him
like steel in the heart but he was warm with
the glow of his ecstasy Everywhere the white
fire burned Everywhere the holy genius ema
n a ted the pure flames of faith were in th e hill
tops The white light o f heaven was the air
It is b eauty it is tru th it is the supreme
”
good said S ven d as he made his way back
But now I must return among men and take
up my search for realization I am ol d but not
too ol d to love This night gives me still proof
”
of that
When the ship was nearing port in the
North the men were all t remulou s for home
They talked of nothing else all day long Svend
alone among them sat silent The wi de world
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Wh e n
0
7
Ev e
Was Not Crea te d
was his but no home
You must come to my
”
home said the youth
My mother has the
”
finest house in Stockholm
Stockholm was as good as any city It was
comfortable to see the fatherlan d again Svend
took a studio there and went often to see the
youth and his mother and the fair girl who
in a year should be a bride
He foun d that the yo uth had no t overstated
when he said that his mother had the finest
house in Stockholm Fru Ahlberg was famous
as a house keeper She had weal th to supply
every luxury and the good tas t e no t to over
supply In many ways she was a remarkable
woman in all of the womanly ways it seemed
Svend came to realize that he ha d never known
her life ; to wonder what she had been in her
youth Fru Ahlberg was beautiful still per
h a ps more beau t iful at fifty than at twenty
There was knowledge now in her eyes
She moved about the home that she ha d
made peaceful and smiling an d ben ignant No
woman had such soothing w inning ways And
these men were s tarving for her comforts A t
one time Svend was near sickness and they
made him come to t heir whi te house and as
sign e d to him three immaculate rooms It was
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W h e n E v e Was Not Crea ted
1
7
if he ha d always been here so perfect were
the ways o f his hostess
It is impossible to express to the untravel l ed
the d el iciousness of clean rooms and wh i te
linen the delicacy of gentle even wa rmth th e
odors of faint lavender an d house flowers the
sa t isfaction of well cooked and flavoured food
Svend was wearied by life restlessness and
travel He liked the even regu larity of this l i fe
He almost wishe d that he m ight ever more be
ill s o that this woman coul d care for him
Fru Ahlbe rg read to him from old bo oks or
embroidered as she talked to him of her life
Such even simple life had been hers ! She was
left a wi dow at twenty when the son was
barely a year old Her husband had been a
li t tle wild ; perhaps had hande d down a dv en
t ure to th e boy Since he died she had been
occupied as mother as a member of the so
ciety that she kn ew beloved and lov ing with
them all in gen t le way the counsellor and
helper of many
The months of the year passed by an d all
was preparation for the youth s coming mar
”
He w ill be much away now sighed
r iag e
I shall not hav e the same rea
F ru Ahlberg
”
How well S vend h a d
s on for living any more
as
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W h en
2
7
Ev e
Was Not Created
ome to know her How quietly s h e had
grown into his life
One evening the youth came to him blush
”
ing
I have longed to speak with you he
said and yet I am afraid o f my po sition It
”
is not fitting for a son to speak so to his father
Let us be comrades then said Sven d
”
What is it that you wish to say to me !
The youth stammered and blushed still more
then gradually he forced the word s from him
He wante d to say t hat if Svend had thoughts
of really becoming his father if he was hol d ing
back because he feared to shock his love why
he want ed t o explain that it would be no shock
to him at all that nothing could make him
happier in the worl d than to celebrate a double
family wedding
Svend thanked the youth kindly when he
”
sai d Go od night
He had never felt s o close
to him before not even in the loneliness of the
ice fields under the wint ry polar moon
That night as Svend slept he dreamed He
d reamed of the beauti ful woman with the lu
minous eyes an d g ray hair the floating hair
with the waywardness of youth He felt h er
cool hands on his forehead He was feverish
and w anted their sympathy He wanted too
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W h en
Ev e
Was Not Crea te d
73
the s ympathy of her ch eck the cheek s ti ll
bloo ming soft an d pink
Then sud denly the d ream changed the wo
man was changing to another a younger wo
man with passion in her eyes with warm arms
and breast of lithe sweet youth ; with calmness
only in her everlasting love
No no ; I must
”
have perfect love or none he thought long a f
ter he awoke
I must have passion ; I must
have al l a wife can give My Eve must live
”
alone for me
He stayed with the youth till he was mar
ried ; he stayed some weeks to comfort the s a d
mother Always he grew kinder every day but
th e distance was widening between them
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!
H E wanderer had built himself a house
ha d settled into the conventions of civ
”
il iz a tion
Now you ought to get a wife
sai d his friends
A neat little housekeeper to
keep you tidy
The house was an old one in Paris Svend
had fitted it up from dilapidation an d filled it
with b reezy light draperies an d delicate ware
”
from ol d shops
Now a housekeeper sai d
all of his friends
A neat li ttle wife to take
”
care of things
The house had a garden too though quite
near the heart of the city an old an d overgrown
arden
that
had
been
pretentious
in
its
time
g
—
There were arched passage ways cut in arbor
vita there were tall t rees and statues and a
fountain where the falling leaves settled an d
d ecayed
With the house he had taken other duties as
well He had established a school f or young
”
painters
The others are not suffi cient he
sa id The school had b ecome very popular
an d many English an d American stu dents
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74
W h en
6
7
Ev e
Was No t Created
laughing with the apple blooms Svend did
not question the impul se he threw his pip e out
the window an d then cautiously put out his
head The girls were looking up laughing
”
My pipe is in your garden he called
Then there was discussion how he should g et
it Lucy said she would bring it right over
but Madge caut ioned t hat Aunt Ma rtha might
”
I will let down a string sug
not like i t
ges ted Svend and they laughed when the pipe
went up dangling it looked so funny on the
string
”
Ligh t it and smoke called up Lucy
I
”
love to watch a man smoking Here Madge
cautioned her sister again
He is older than
”
our father pouted Lucy
Besi des every
body kno ws the great painter I have wanted
”
to speak to him f or months
That was the beginning of their acquaint
ance Soon they were most intimate neighbors
Svend learned that Aunt Martha was an in
vali d but that she delight ed in afternoon calls
For once in his life he grew formal and sat in
her sti ff parlor chairs The fat her was an offi
cer in India They lived in Paris for the
schools Their father thought them safer too
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W h en
Ev e
Was Not Crea ted
77
Paris He doubtless was a man with his
whims
While Lucy was rollicking a nd boyish
Madge was sweet ly coming into womanhood
S h e was childish often as her sister a n d th en
she woul d grow serious and pensive The gar
den was becoming narrow and uninteresting to
her
”
Come into my garden advised Svend
Aunt Martha was consulted and it was
arranged
The gardener made a rustic ladder It was
half in the t rees by the wall If there had been
no other rea s on f o r going over it was induce
men t enough just to climb the ladder Svend
hardly touched his feet to the rounds and often
he carri ed Lucy over royally but Madge mod
es tly delayed to arrange her skirts and joined
them later in their romping s
Of course the girls must learn to draw and
who was more fitted for a mas ter than the f a
mous painter their neighbour ! Lucy w a s
given t o playing with her fancies but Madge
improved st eadily from t he first She h a d
talent and drew pret ty things and flowers very
precisely She had good taste with colour as
in
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Wh en
8
7
‘
Ev e
Was Not Created
”
well
I t is better than going to the school
she answered him once when he had praised
her
I should like to live always in this gar
and Svend fel t a warmth in his heart
den
What gay times they had there that sum
mer what tea part ies and readings and stories
Svend was coming to their yo uth ag ain and
they were advancing to his age They were
coming to love him too they were growing
jeal ous o f each other As for Svend he loved
t hem both dearly but it was di ff erent the way
he loved Madge
One day he could see they had been quarrel
ing though they tried to conceal if from him
That was late in Sep t ember They had been
Several times on that
ou t on a long excursion
day he had been at the point of telling Madge
of his love his love that had grown youthful
f or her but Lucy had as often interrupted The
child Lucy had been more childish than usual
on these times She had thrown her arms
around his neck and pressed her face up to his
quite passionately With joy that he blamed
himself for he coul d see what pain this gave
”
Madge
I will tell her he kept saying as
he watched
I have found out my love in ol d
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ag e
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W h e n E v e Was Not Cre ate d
79
That night he was looking from his win dow
when she came ou t alone in the garden and he
saw her cross over to his own In the moon
light he went down to meet her
She was start led to find him ou t so late and
made faint excuse to return He put his a rm
around her to detain her he looked down his
l ove into her eyes
The girl turned and threw her arms around
his neck as passionately as Lucy had done
More th an that she kissed him on th e face she
kissed him on the eyes the hair and hea r d
He carried her to a seat in the garden and
wrapped her in his coat which he took off All
the time he held her in his arms she kept mur
”
muring but o ne phrase I love you
What a child she is after all ! reflected
S vend
It is not right to take this a dvan t
”
age but he kissed her on the forehea d at part
ing it seemed to him a kiss of farewell
The next day they were calmer and could
reason Lucy was feverish with illness in her
bed Aunt Martha had become well to nurse
her
You must first g o out and see something of
”
the world sai d Svend deci dedly
You must
f
r
o
o
c
my
s
h
l
a
ye
r
There
are
y
ng
t
o
a
oo
u
o
g
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Wh en
80
Ev e
Was Not Created
”
women there and young men After th at
here he stopp ed and looked into her eyes bu t
he did not let the name o f wife pass h i s lips
It was decided and permission was obta ine d
Madge reluctantly made rea dy f or the school
At first she found it irksome enough It woul d
have been unendurable qui te except that her
hero ca me occa sionally Later on she bega n to
s
d
acquainted
was
intere
s
ted
in
the
live
e
a
n
t
g
Svend watched her j ealously
o f th e girls
Yes she became interested in the men H is
love f or her was growing new growth but h is
justice would not let it ta ke possession of him
”
”
I will reason he sai d to the last
The en d of the year came and her interest
was in one of the men She came to Sven d
with love as o f ol d but there was a diff erence
in the motive o f her ca resses
I will wait
”
another year thought Sven d And she d id
not remind him that this one was en ded
The spring came ag ain the third spring
now h e had kn own her Lucy had been in
England more than a year The child had in
sisted on going to live with another aunt
Sven d was working now l ike a demon a
gr ea t series of pictures for decoration the joys
an d the yearnings of youth He was painting
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Wh en Eve
Was Not Create d
8I
youth as he g rew ol der At one time he was
fondest of ol d age
One night after struggling with his com
positions he walked out into the coo l of th e
garden The apple blooms were f alling l ike
snow flakes The half moon was sinking in the
West Then Madge came creeping over the
la d der
May I come down on your side
S vend ! she call ed
I heard you walking
on the gravel and I have wanted to tell you
”
something
She put her arms around his neck and held
”
him close as of old
Dear old father she
sai d
I have wanted to tell you I am so
happy You are so loving and good I am sure
you will be happy with me A rthur has asked
me to be his wife He says that he loves me
”
dear father Svend
And she burie d her face
on his shoul der
Sven d watched the sinking moon as he ca
res s ed her
His hand was most fatherly on h er
hair He watched the moon till it was g one
”
You must g o in now was all h e sai d
You
”
know all the ! oy that I wish you
For three weeks night and day Svend
worked away on his pictures One day he fel l
on the sca ff old
A yo uth caught him or he
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W h en E v e
82
Was Not C rea ted
have fallen off The youth loved h im
and thought he was dying They carried h im
away to a physician his right side was like a
body quite dead
”
It is paralysis said the physician gravely
”
He has worked too hard said his friends
Svend lay wi th a dumb trembling mou th the
yearning now gone from one side He w a s
ho rri bly like some monster in his con tortions
His feeble thoughts were I shall never paint
”
more
w oul d
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Wh e n E v e
84
Was Not C reated
Over the blistering alkali they ro de it w a s
three days to the shimmering mountains
There may b e water there they said if not
we have three days to come back There is
”
risk but there is a chance too of gold
They marched wi thou t hesitation in direct
and unbroken line They talked and laughed
even somet imes ; bu t always t here was a
fanaticism in their eyes They were charmed
by their own dreams of gold
It is as if they
were searching for love
thought Svend
—
What matter is it what they search love
!
gold or beauty or t ru th The end is in the
”
Valley o f Death
It was the fourth day when they came to th e
mountains and they were dry as the cracks of
the plain The horses were beginning to die
”
We must leave them and cross over said
the men
There may be wa ter on the other
side o f the mountain It is impossible now
”
to g o back
When a horse staggered they
left him taking things most needed from his
pack
When a man staggers we will leave
”
him too they agreed
There is no time to
”
waste now on sent iment
F or two days they had been w it hout water ;
their entrails were as dry as the desert Their
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W hen Eve
Was Not C re at e d
85
throats w ere swollen and black
Still the
mounta ins woul d not furnish them water the
ca ti ons were as sapl ess as the peaks
Th e men were separati ng now an d wan d er
The gol d lust was fading from
ing aimlessly
t hei r eyes
Sven d foun d himself walking alone He did
n ot know h ow it ha d happened
b ut he was
h ea d in g s traight on for the pl a i n
There
seemed new life in his limbs He thought he
was sea rching for love for the Eve that came
of his rib At first he argued it was his deliri
um but he had never seemed more sane in his
life His past was vivi d before him
A little a lkal i knoll ro un ded up on the pl ai n
Sven d was beginn i ng to grow wea ry an d sat
down f or a momen t to rest His eyes wandered
off to the hori zon
He was think ing of all he
ha d l i ve d
The dancing mirage of the desert seem ed to
come nearer and nea rer Th e lakes were not
two miles away The groves were waving in
the win d There were cities with temples an d
gard en s Stea dily fantastically they advanced
or was it women a d vancing !
The b right light
w a s qu i verin g in the sky
It was surel y
women now he saw th e women he had known
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,
Wh en
86
Ev e
Was Not Crea ted
in his life they were plea ding an d beckon ing
to him then they were laughing an d fadi n g
away His parched eyes were straining for
Eve for one who would not change in laughter
He saw now quite clea rly the women What
ha d b een one became now ano ther Blue
eyed Helma became Catharine Farr and
sain tly Ruth was the rich warm French model
Yes t hey all looked alike to him now They
all ha d the same rippling laughter so womanly
it could not be human the murmurous soft a c
cents o f spirits
Svend laid himself down wea ry to sleep
His tired eyes closed like a child s
I see it
”
quite plainly he sigh ed
Wh y did not the
res t come before ! How clear it all is to me
no w !
This is not Eve I have followed ; this is
Lilith only who was haunting me C rea tion
is yet not completed I must lie down and
”
sleep till the morning
Th e delirium of dea th seize d him then f or
his life s streng th ha d not yet been conquered
He ha d now lost all likeness to a man and w a s
a wild wolf dying of rabies He writhed and
cr awled around on the kn oll
plowing in th e
alkali dust The white foam was like pumice
in h is m outh his eyes were past all power of
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W h e n E v e Was No t Cre at e d
87
seei ng Sharp wolf like barks snarled from
his crusted throat ; his arms an d l eg s were
clutching convulsivel y His ribs were groan
ing with sighs ; only his right hand lay limp
the hand that had been clever with cunning
The sun set a burning ball of dust and the
violet twiligh t succeeded only the hot wind
di d not abat e I t was curling like a d raught
from a furnace The whi te full moon rose
up from behind the shadows of the mountains ;
still the strange living thing tortured on bark
ing and gasping and quivering
The round moon was high in the zenith be
fore this black pain speck grew still But the
moon could conquer him yet and gradually her
balm was eff ect ive The white knoll glow ed
like a funeral pyre white wi th the hea t It
seemed to burn on the desert itself ha d become
luminous with lighting
The black tiny speck that lay on it would
soon be consumed into dust Already the swirl
ing alkali lay upon it wreathing and ca pricious
with mirth The Valley of Death claims i t s
own ; even the mountains of life shall b e
levelled
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2
9
W h e n E v e Was No t Cre a te d
possible otherwise to describ e it I spea k o f all
these things because I know that one wh o is
fon d of faces an d use d to reading th em will
recognize in this a character t hat is deep a nd
passionate by nature but always has the truth
s o well concea le d t hat an ordinary looker there
will see only apathy an d streng th which still
will fascinate as apathy an d strength in them
selves can nev er d o
B est of all among th e sturdy irregu lar f ea
t ures of thi s man were th e lambent gray eyes
that shone so stea d ily out They were as ten
der as the lips and sometimes i n them playe d a
reenish
fire
that
even
the
b
est
of
face
re
ders
a
g
can never und erstand B y some i t is thought
to come from Heaven an d often it is sai d to be
of Hell Wh y sh al l we speculate at all when
The two
w e can call it earthly an d have done !
kingdoms are here on earth we know of th at ;
th e man won d ere d sometimes if they wer e any
w h ere else
Wh en th e man ca me into our story h e was
wal king at a stea dy pace over the hills of a little
back prov ince of Ital y He was not ungrace
f ul as h e walked though many woul d say he
was too th i ck and sturdy The fact was that
h is b o d ily beauty was concea l ed by his g a r
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Th e M an
t h e La k e
and
93
ments It is only the lean and thin man who is
really elegant when dressed The perfect form
is made for nakedness ; bu t we w i ll speak of the
man s bodily beauty when we come to it
Just now he was stepping even ly on his up
hill road his tired knapsack weighing on his
shoulders though his cap was tipped to let the
sunshine in his eyes and the pink firm lips
were whis t ling merrily Perhaps nothing at
all at the time was in the man s mind He w a s
working and he was happy
Soon he had reached the top of the hill
and a new valley lay st retched before him
Then he stopped suddenly and the lips formed
s ounds no more
He had seen the lake
There it lay smiling a greet ing to him lev
elling away placidly int o the miles of vis ta to
the mountains Not brigh ter than gray blue
in the foreg roun d bu t g ra dedly deepening and
glo w ing wi th t he colour till blue names are
but hopeless to express i t ; bluer bluer bluer
into th e ch annele d depths of Alp the man s
eyes were shimmering and his th ro at con
but the hea rt was po uring out such
vu l s iv e
wealth of glory and of p raise a s lips or pen
may never know or conjure
If one has been in love he ma y stop h ere to
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’
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94
.
When Eve
Was No t Create d
nderstand and ponder If he is not sure
and many men have grown ol d I think with
—
let him hasten on wi t h
ou t ever truly loving
the story He will not understand i t of course
but that will enable him to talk the more about
i t so that it is bu t little matter
The hill on which the man was standing was
hardly a hill a t all he found in time but only a
bank tha t overlooked the lake ; already he
thought of t he lake only as his own Below
him and within the rea ch of vo rce among the
wet and level green of rushes a boy was watch
ing some cows that were feeding greedily But
a few steps away again
two fishermen were
wading about attending to some bo x like nets
or traps That was all for again the man s
sight was creeping back into the deepening r a
d ia nce of the blue prayerfully on on till it
pierced the driving whiteness of the cloud that
swept across the snow cappe d mountains ; then
resting in the vividness of misty light an d
s h a dow at t heir feet it fixed itself an d set till
the tea rs came and gave the ecsta sy relief
Along the shores of the lake to right and lef t
were varied outlines leading to the pu r itv of the
mounta ins beyond To the right were rolling
gra ssy hills with flocks and lonely dwellings
u
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,
Wh en Eve
6
9
Was No t Create d
and soothing the gras s of the bank was inv it
ing It was only a moment s work to s wing
off
the knapsack and arra nge for comfort
Then the dreams of the lover began and in all
that he dreamed his presen t love the lake
gave of her colour thereto
There was childhoo d first passionate a nd
changeable at the time calm and sweet in the
memory that now was strongest in him How
would it have been holier still if his lake had
been wi th him to worship ! Youth next its
restlessness its work and reception ; then bud
ding manhood aching with growth and yearn
ing no answer to his lighter questionings no
sati s faction to the thousand des ires that fevered
him Ah if then he h a d but known the
sweet entirety of this water ! bu t no he was
rushed into the warring experience of man
hood ; he had struggled hoped and failed and
never yet had come t o him a comfort er like this
that understood him now By degrees he ca me
to review the details of his present life and to
dwell on th e friends that he had left not yet a
year ago Just now it did not occur to him
that there was anything di ff erent in his
thoughts of them but it was all di ff erent al
most ; for no w in thinking of these same friends
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Th e
M an
th e
an d
La k e
97
that h e had so often thought o f before he d id
not long for their presence as ha d been his
wont Later he came to know that he could
not even bea r to tell them o f his thoughts while
as f o r t heir once urged letters to him they were
safe in the post far away along with the rail
ways and telegraph wires an d the rest o f noisy
civilisation
The sunset came on with the wind and rose
light that swept the sky and the mountains
with shower s of celestial rain The lake h ow
ever remained untouched and toned in con
trast to a wild s ea green The man waited
wonder ing till t he light was wellnigh faded
and then reluctantly took up his knapsack and
h urried along the road
In th e main the road
kept close to the shore and he did not fin d the
journeying diffi cult ; but once when the way
bent in toward the country in order to avoid a
little hill it was very hard for him to continue
a nd ev en the enriched green of the mulberry
trees in the royal twilight colour would not
suffi ce to comfo rt him
When he emerged
—
—
again and it was like comrng ba ck to life all
the glo w had settled in a bank in the west and
the mountains just beneath it were dyed i n rich
est pu rple There was stil l a mile walk to the
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W h en
8
9
Ev e
Was Not Crea te d
village so that when the man was rea dy to go
indoors both lake and l a n d were chilled to s laty
blue by the twilight creeping from the ea st
In the village he found a nea t little inn kitch
en with brick fl oo r and white walls A fire
was quickly lighted and th e widow s pretty
daugh ter despatched for the simple ingred ients
of his supper f o r strange as it may seem f or a
public house there is never one cent s worth of
macch er om kept in stock in p rovincial Italy but
th e lan d lady waits till the v isitor has or dered
and then goes ou t to purchase the exact a mount
The little copper kettle swung on the crane
the woman salted stirred an d tasted the fi re
light gleame d in the copp er d ishes hung in pol
i s h ed geometric patterns on the wall the man
struggled at conversation in a new d ialect a nd
petted the cat and dog that came to him f o r
sympathy He was quite at home it seemed
in the little household an d later when he ha d
gone up stairs to his clean white room th e
widow an d her daughter wer e enthusiastic ov er
th e cord iality of the northern young strang e r
B ut in rea lity all this time the man ha d been
stea dily th i nking in un d ertone wonderi ng h ow
the la ke looked without and whether it w a s
chee ry or g loomy in the darkness
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W h en
t oo
Ev e
Was Na t Created
thi s spot as his ow n his and th e lake s He
h ad never owned a home that was so much a
part of him He woul d sit here i dl y o ver h is
book in the shade of a shrubby gro v e of trees
that grew a mong the rocks an d let his eyes rest
contente dly on the shifting blueness o f the
lov ed expanse that seemed to change and h u
manise f or him ; to smile him joy or quiver him
to whisper of the right an d
s weet comfo rt ;
the wisdom of the world and bid him be of
courage and of peace At all times when his
thoughts took s hape eno ugh f or words h e
would speak them frankly to his lake and often
in his tenderer moments he woul d breathe his
vows of constancy and say how he was never
m
n
m
i
f
r
o
h
er
her
e
f
o
r
h
er
e
as
l
i
f
e
co
o
w
g
g
l
n
i
e
t
e
r
n
o
r
h
ld
i
t
p
ibl
o
co
u
b
e
s
s
e
o
m
t
o
o
w
f
p
l i ve it oth erwise
It was on the morning after the first night
in th e v illage that he had in a vague way
pledged himself An hour o f rest in the se
clu ded bay h ad been but preparation for the
morning bath and yet when he had sprung up
heartily and thrown asi de his garments he hesi
ta ted an d was rev er ently loath to enter the
water It seemed a sacrilege a con tamination o f
th e p u rity o f th e l ake Then he looke d do wn his
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M an
Th e
th e
an d
Lak e
10 1
leng th of beautiful bo dy Wa s ever angel
more di vinely ra d iantly bea uti ful ! More
radiantly surely not but a s for d ivinely we
canno t safely say It may be th at th e angels
are unconscious o f their charm an d this man
sa w his perfecti on
He stoo d up white and gleaming in the sun
shine a pe rfect man How strong an d free
his posture ! How virile every mernber l The
shaggy yellow hair and close cropped bear d
were explained now that the hi deous coarse
n ess of cloth was removed and the natural skin
shone clear and white as ivo ry with mellowed
sha d ing o f th e short and crisping hair tha t cov
ered it that lengt hened an d darkened like the
bear d in featu ri ng rel ief u pon the s tur dy b reas t
in the modest armpits an d the wh i te down
slanting joining of the gleaming ch an nels of
th e groin
Th e whiteness o f his face was too an a dde d
beauty for being of the texture o f the rest
there showed no untanned contrast to tell of the
bondage of civilisati on
There he stood as
w il d an d free as a creature of the woo d ; hea d
aler t delicate and noble in line ; strong breast
and arms the refuge an d defen se of loved ones ;
s id es a s gracef ul i n the fl ow o f l i ne as the pro
own
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Wh e n
102
Was Not Cre at ed
Ev e
file of a Greek vase ; the clasped strengt h and
vigor of the loins ; the rounded contour and
—
taper of the limbs all such as poets have
given to their figures of the go d s to make them
more than human
Perhaps the man was conscious of his worth
for now with childish joyousness of action he
w alked d own the sloping sand of the beach into
the limpid blue of lapping w ater as if it were
his native element Only when it was rising
swirlingly above his knees di d h e stop for a mo
ment an d scooping a han d ful of the blue purity
in his palm he raised it reverently to his lips I
am not sure what thoughts were going on with
in him a t the time ; bu t from the lurking play
of fire in his eyes and from the sti ff ening
quiver of the lips we may divine perhaps that
holy pray ers of consummation w er e rising in
h is heart and wi dening ou t over the level blue
ext ent of sunny sparklingnes s even unto the
bounding haze fogge d mystery of the moun
tains
Then suddenly as if the rite was ins ta nta
neou s l y sanctione d by the uni v erse the gleam
ing arms shot straightly up above the head
and lightly as the wil d deer lea ping the lithe
wh ite forward darti ng bo dy lifted balance d
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Ev e
When
1 04
.
Was Not Create d
and eyes and they moved softly to an d f ro with
gentle caressing motion over his beauteo us
chest or deepened with dimpling swirl over his
l ife and loins working through curious charm
of sunlight all over his glinting manhoo d the
delicate stri ae seen in ivory and making the
man seem to his already enchante d gaze that
he of the fair white bo dy was now a godlike
b eing no longer a crea ture of flesh with un
chaste longings of the blood
Then he would lift his eyes to the sky and his
soul would be worthy of the body How the
widening beauty would flow out from him the
white mingling with the blue Perhaps some
fl eecy clouds were sailing ; then how the fl o w
ing whiteness would catch them joyous in and
go on stronger for the food Perhaps in level
ling his gaze alo ng the surface o f the water i t
woul d pierce the blue to the shimmering snow
t ops of the mountains and then woul d revel
there At last when the man s soul was filled
to bursting he would t urn once more his face
and bosom to the warming wa ter and seizing it
strongly in his arms he would cleave the blue
denseness of i t like the wind and shout w ith
joy as he felt the quiver of el ect ric curren ts
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M an
Th e
a nd
th e
Lak e
10
5
th at flowed out from his pa nting limbs into the
phosphorescence of the beade d wake When
wearied by this and returned once more to his
natural self he woul d turn to the lan d again
and his s andy beach an d cove ; or perhaps if
the day were long before him woul d set ou t
on a journey o f explora t ion mountainward
swimmi ng as steadily as he walked with long
drawn even stroke an d the look of intent in
his eyes
Sometimes when he ha d left the water early
in the day he would enter again at sunset and
spo rting in the rose coloured translucence
would abandon himself to the ecstacy of colou r ;
but this he d id not oft en do for he was some
way afraid of himself afterwards lest in his joy
he had done something beyond him At one r e
turn when his abandon ha d been unusually ex
ces s ive h e fo u n d hims elf so fatigued an d tr oub
led that h e could no t sleep a nd was compelled
once more to leave his litt le room in the dark
n ess and going to the seclu d ed cove again to
give himself a third time for the day into the
loved arms of his lake The water was most
soothing in its motion ; the stars shone com
f ort ing ly down ; and after an hour of deep
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Ev e
W h en
1 06
Was Not Created
silence he cou ld retu rn to h is be d with o ut
tossing though not to close his eyes till nea r
the dawn
This was th e beginning o f an interm itten t
restles sness that grew upon him with the weeks
and seemed inexplicable to him now i n the very
consummation of his content The l andla dy
and her pretty daughter together with the sim
ple village folk for now they had all learned to
love this clea r eyed sturdy young northerner
often shook t heir heads as they watched him
l eave them and said the water was killing him ;
was drawing his life away As they saw th e
restlessness increa se and th e lurking fire in the
eyes more often to leap out they even ma d e so
bold as to speak to the young man s face They
were always relieved however to fin d that he
a nswered wi t h a laugh and a hearty han d clasp
or emb race that reassured them once more that
after all he was only human and not the spirit
ghostly being of th e lake that their simple s u
r
i
i
n
e
s
t
o
ha
d
been
whispering
t
p
The passion grew an d grew till it ab sorbed
everything There was to the man now but
one thought ; that was to feel the soft warm
clasp of the caressing water on his nake d bo dy
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Wh e n
1 08
Was No t Crea te d
Ev e
with i t a sadness that made the man think long
a n d so
mberl v
.
Every day he would swim out far into the
myster y for the air was more bracing now
and he cared for longer distances ; but as he
dressed h imself on the white beach in the cove
he was every day more thoughtful Gradually
the indefinite took shape within him till he came
to see a plan Then after another gr ay rain he
w a s fully determined : he would await the
warmth once mo re and that come he would
act
What coul d be better ! Wa s there any
goo d in life at al l after one s happiness was
completed ! His plan was very simple The
n ext warm evening when the rose ligh t fille d
the univers e he would swim well out into the
l ake and sink There woul d be a las t floating
in which to commen d himself then he woul d
Per
d rop forever into th e violet d epths
”
haps he fon dl y argue d I shall not d ie at
all ; but be transformed direct into the glory of
”
the air an d water
B almy and sou t h ern
Th e day soon came
w a s it muffl ed in warmth and haze the high
clouds pendant overhead After the morning
plunge the man came out and sat in the shrubby
grove lookin g over the expanse an d thinking of
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Th e
M an
an d
th e
Lak e
109
many th ings At mi d day he return ed to the
village where he took his usual refreshment
an d late in the afternoon he lingered in idle talk
with the v illag ers tal king to the men o f work
to the ch ildren o f play and to the women o f
sympathy He left the villag e about four
”
o clock
an d naturally en oug h the people
sai d afterw ards when they were speaking about
it He seemed only go ing out f or the usual
walk an d to be in the commonest of moods
They di d speak o f it afterwa rds an d reviewed
again an d again the minutest particulars They
had loved more than they knew the shaggy
young northerner and after that day they never
saw him again
In an hour s time the man was standing free
from incumb rances on the wave lapped strip of
san d He was as bea utiful as ever before ;
s len d er and gr aceful and white and now he
would give himself finally to his love It seemed
his flesh was more ether eal to d ay it was semi
transparent l ike the light shadowing through
alabaster After sta nding a moment in this
perfection he walked down and lay h i s ch eck on
the bosom of the lake Th en stead ily the
w rea th i ng a rm s s h ot out th e l eg s drew up and
s trai ghten ed in s imulta neous prec i s ion an d the
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W h en
1 10
Ev e
Was No t Crea ted
mounta ins seemed to d raw nearer an d nearer
while th e sand bordered cove was fading far
behi n d
The even in g came on more glorious than
ever before Banners of drapin g rain fell float
ing from the zeni th point to crims on and glow
in their motion yet not to sweep th e surface o f
the lake which lay like some great magic opal
the subtle fire playing an d gleaming in its
dep th s F ar off th e mounta in s tinged with
joyous sympathy an d t he great earth s eemed to
swing in its evolution to majestic music that
the man knew coul d he but ca tch the strain o f
it it woul d st rike him stone dea d
Now he was floating in the chosen place
face upward his eyes in the glory that was
a bove his t houghts sometimes below where he
knew lay the conscious purple miles o f his love
that was awaiting him
The ecstasy ha d come and the will was
standing ready A t once the expanded breas t
shrank the white limbs ceased their rhythmic
beating motion and down wen t the body like a
stone Deeper an d deeper gr ew the darkening
pu rples to the eyes a sen se of rest complete was
”
in the body
Dea th was coming fast sai d
the man the lake was gently taking back her
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W h en
1 12
mi ng
Ev e
Was Not Created
but al as if he on ly knew which w ay
th e light lay from h im
Y et still he fought th e
cruel cold resistance and curs e d and swa m an d
raged an d strained with all the demon frenz ied
might that coul d fin d space enough to bu rn
wi t hin his breathless body No w that all was
s et against him
he swore that h e woul d yet
h ave the blessed ligh t and air before he di ed
An d in time it di d come to h im But a g lim
mering fearful hope at first he prayed ti ll his
very blood and flesh seemed turned to sicken
ing bitterness ; then more surely faint dawning
on his greedy weariness ; then gr owing rush
ing l y upon him till once more the opened eyes
were measuring the red light o f the heaven the
spasm contracted breast was rising with the air
and the limp white panting body floated on the
hea ving wind swept lake
The eyes closed soon
They did not
l onger ca re for sunset glory The man was
only thanking God he was alive and praying
that he be allowed to reach the land
Well for him that he knew best how to use
the little strength that he had left him for the
struggle underneath ha d worsted him more
th an miles of surface swimming could have
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a nd
th e
La k e
11
3
done When he had breathed well he prepared
to start f or he was chilling in the water and
night would soon be coming
Patiently length by length he recovered the
distance his eyes fixed ever on the c rawling
land When his legs were dragging when it
seemed ano t her stroke would t ear his arms
from shoulder so cket s when his brea s t creaked
and groaned with the eff ort of its breathing
the man would turn on his back and floa t ing
s o would pray for strength and the land
How well he knew the marks o f the a p
proach ! He noted them at every resting re
membered how they were at the last r eckoning
a n d calcula t ed h ow they would be at the next
—
and the next that was to come the angles of
the nearest trees with the hills beyond the
point of the promontory to the north and then
the cottages upon it that measured off his rest s
”
Now I will swim even wi th the next he
Now I am one
was saying toward the end
fourth of the way ; now I am half ; three
fourths ; half of that ; five more strokes Oh
my arms are fi xing in the joint s ! My curses on
a body that is only beautiful ! If I were but
strong ! If I had another breath of s t ren gth
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W h en
1 14
Ev e
Was No t Cre ated
will ingly wo uld I b e ugly maimed d e
f orme d even ! Oh if I ca n o nly rea ch th e lan d !
If I can t rea d it ! Alas ! If I ca n only sink and
die on its dea r firmness ! I hate the lake ! I
h ate the treacherous mists and their beauty !
How they were dragging me down ! How they
have succeeded in my ruin !
Then he would refl ect that these violen t
thoughts were was t ing his force an d he woul d
calm himself and await the renewing strengt h
for another stroke
Slowly the land marks were passed ; more
surely the man s strength was waning No w
he could s ee the details of the land even could
mark the spot where his clothes lay tossed upon
t he rock Would he need them again ! Wa s
he sinking ! Y es he could n ot drag another
muscle though he died ; an d s o near the land !
Well he had done his best At all events he
was dying b ravely NO sentimental yielding
up o f life to love and nature here ; he would
curse them all for another minute of existence
Good by land ! Sinking sinking !
But what ! His feet were touching ! The
sweet firmness was in the clasp of his toes once
more the muscles creake d an d by long pained
h ow
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1 16
Wh e n
Ev e
Was No t Crea t ed
Then suddenly just when th e da wn w a s
whitening the gray sky when the flowers were
lifting drowsily and the b irds were twittering
in the trees —there suddenly it w a s the
mounta ins took him in and comforted him
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A
Mo n o c h ro m e
I
Wh e n E v e Was Not C rea t e d
20
Half o f the time that is at night when the
yellow glare is gone and the blankness has
given way to a mysterious and living purple
gemmed with a million dewy points t hen it
were possible for t he soul of man to free itself
and s truggle toward the knowledge of th e
greater soul beyond ; but no it is not so here
At night it is said all honest hard working
men should be in bed and sleeping and surely
t he Latter day Saints the pious followers of
the Book of Mormon are all hard working
honest men It is true that t he women work
often till far into the night but this is inside
under a carefully shingled roof in a box room
fi lled wi th the glare of a kerosene lamp
Oh
yes the saints are progressive and have all the
modern improvements even in Mexico
It is never spring in this gray green valley ;
but yet it is never winter nor summer not a u
There are times when the winds
tumn either
blow when the rains fall and again when th e
morning air is biting cold ; but the oaks an d
the pines and the grass and the ca cti still hol d
their gray gr een foliage and there is no decay
no dea th though it seems that even death
w ould be pleasure
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A M o noch ro me
12 1
What is the human life in this co mpromise
of glare and gloom !
H er e is a mo dest peaceful cottage with a
woman sitting at work in the open doorway
U nseen let us enter an d look and listen
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WAS a strange thing for Sam
to
be
sayin just when he drove o ff ; a
strange thing ; and to say it in that sheepish way
”
too !
Sam S am !
”
replied a little tow headed urchin
Y es m
”
Y es m
of five running in from the garden
There child go and see where your sister
Mary is I wasn t callin you I was only
”
t hinking of your pa Run play run play
”
Y es m
repeats the tow hea d again bob
bing out into the light
”
I didn t think I was a talkin s o lou d
muses the mother fondly when her son is out
of hearing
I guess I must have been almost
screamin
Well it was a strange thing f or
Sam to say
You know we may have to make
roo m for another woma n som e day s ays he
”
an sheepish like an bothered too
Maggie Whipple again l a ys down her work
and sits gazing stea dily out into the yellow
s un shi n e
Th e valley lies pea ceful an d qu i et
enough before her there with the rolling hills
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122
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,
Wh en
1 2 4.
Was No t Crea ted
Ev e
is murmuring
B ut then all the wives of ou r
people are good an true We are more virtuous
th an the wives of any other people An yet
the men want more than one ! That s because
the b lessed Lor d h as comman ded it in th e rev
elati on to Joseph th e Prop h et
I ncr eas e and
multiply the earth says the Scripture A
—
goo d wife an t ru e t hes e six years now
a goin
an he a goo d husban d to me too ; bu t
all husban ds are good among our people
I ve always someway thought that Sam
would never want no one else but me He n ever
exactly sai d so except that first yea r when h e
was courtin an on the day when we was mar
r ied That was a happy day We were back in
U tah then for then th e enemy ha dn t yet d rove
us to Mexico Sam d i d l ook strong an b rav e
those days Not but what he l ooks it now onl y
n ow he is s l ower an fatter
I wore my white
d ress an flowers an we le d the procession to
the new church An t h en comin home after
we ha d prom i sed when no one was look ing h e
put his arm aroun d me an sai d lovin like
I
Never any one but you f or me Magg ie
think there was s ometh in the matter with h is
voice it shook s o but h e only pretended it wa s
a little co ugh he was that man l ike
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A M o noc h ro me
12
5
Well we ve had four children since that ;
’
Sam an Katie an Mary an Lizzie And we
come west too an give up our pret ty home an
built this little house Still it s homelike here
—
I shall hate I mean I don t believe makin it
larger woul d improve it much
What d i d he mean by talkin that way
about another woman ! Wh y there comes Elder
Rand ! The Lord s will be done !
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II
OM E right in Elder Never m in d your
”
feet they re clea n enough
She is
o ff erin g him the rocking chair
Sam gone away ! inquires t he Elder seat
ing himself rheumatically
Sorry ; I wanted
to see him but if he s at the colony I ca n catch
hi m as he drives home to night As it is I ll sit
”
and talk a spell with you
Now if the facts were kn own it would prob
ably appea r tha t the Elder had been aware that
Sam would be away on this morning and h a d
laid his plans accordingly Indeed it is to be
fea red he had been informed of the absence by
that gentleman himself earlier in the day as he
d rove by an d had even been reques ted to come
to Magg ie and break the news about the n ew
marriage However we must not be t oo eriti
ca l
We must remember that even falsehood
may be forgiven when t he culprit is an Elder
ol d and of long experience in doing good for
others and one who knows tha t women are a
l ittle ticklish about these things s ometimes
an d t here is nothing like a little tact in com
ing at the matter in the right way
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126
Wh e n
128
Ev e
Was No t Crea ted
s t atements of ig norance of Sam s movements
for the day but the old man is surprise d into it
by the smiling content of th e woman opposite
him
”
Yet many of em take it in that way he is
reflecting
They are t rue daughters of the
church We have good cause to feel proud of the
women of our people and of t he men too f o r
that matter We alone have the perfect theory
”
of the family
”
Oh yes goes on th e woman cheerfully
I ve been exp ectin th at S am woul d br ing me
a sister We use d to talk of it often together
a long time ago but he hasn t said much lately
”
Wh o is she to be now if one might ask !
”
Sure you have a right to know that
chuckled the old man gleefully ; for he is get
ting along with this troubles ome task unusually
well
Wh y it s Jane Wright from the
col ony A goo d girl Jane An she th inks a
”
sight of Sam as you do too you know
I ve always been a good wife an true to
”
him speaks Maggie with the faintes t tremble
in her voice
”
Of course you have ; of course hurries on
th e o l d man internally remarking that there
never is any relying on these women
Of
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A M onoch rome
129
urs e of cou rse Good an true an so h a s
h e been an so will Jane be an a g ood sister to
f
a
sight
ompany
an
u
will
o
t
h
ou
a
n
o
b
o
c
y
y
be a bles sing in the sight o f the Lo rd f or it is
His will an pleasure that you should be two
happy sisters working in the vineyard of life
”
together
”
An His will be done
repeats Maggie
piously
Then you will kiss her an accept her in
”
the church ! says the Elder autho ritatively
though he gives the inflection of a question
”
When is it to be ! asks the woman inter
conscious that she is evading th e
es ted ly
question
Let s see ! this is June an o f course S am
must build A snug little home you will have
here when he gets the other en d of the hou s e
on This has always looked unfinished as it is
Well I shoul d say some time about September
now That will make a happy harvest for you
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al l
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There is only silence for a response The
woma n is sewin g s tea d ily on the chil d s check
ere d gi ngham ap ron
I m glad that you are to be so happy ; an d
k
now I mus t b e
o
ett
i
n
b
ck
my
w
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I
ll
a
t
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1
Wh e n
0
3
Was Not Crea ted
omes home Goo d day g ood
”
a nd th e E lder w a lks a long
day
unus ua l l y
spry partly from fear that the woman ma y
change and partl y beca use it is dawning upon
h im that he may have made a mistake in havin g
mentione d seeing Sam that morning
”
S till I t hink she didn t notice he mur
murs consolingly
It was queer the w a y
s h e took it all so s mil in
an then fire d up abo u t
bei n goo d an true Well you never ca n com
”
prehend these women
s ee
Sam
Eve
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Wh e n
1 32
Ev e
Was No t Created
”
down on the step alou d aga in an I ll
”
get you all some brea d an butter
It is a genuine comfort to cut th e gr eat wh i te
slices and sprea d them with fi rm yel low butter
Maggie does not put down the baby to do it
A Mormon woman get s so use d to worki ng
with a baby in one arm that she seems to be
the worse without it
There you are ! Three pieces and al l th e
”
same siz e
B ut I m the oldes t an ought to ha ve th e
”
biggest declares the manly Sam
Besi d es
I m a boy an boys have more things n girls ; p a
says so cause boys you know are go i n to be
”
men some day
”
Just like his pa t hinks the mother ag ain ;
and something seems to stop in her heart
Go out an play now an let your ma d o
her wor
The room is once more darkene d
The baby is once more sleeping
”
I can t stand this hea t o f the house br ea ks
out Maggi e suddenly
I will go to th e mou n
tain to look f or some curr ants I ll stop at th e
saw mill an ask Sadie H en derson to come u p
”
a n min d the chil d ren
A green gingh am sunbonnet a pair of mitt s
ma de from old stockings are the only prep a
S et
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A M o no ch rome
1 33
ations Th e woman is almo s t running through
the glaring hea t toward s the saw mill which is
o nly a little way down the str ea m
B eca use I don t want the children to stay
”
long alone she exp l ains to Sad ie in answer
to inquiries concerning her breathless condition
But it s pretty lat e for currants ain t it !
Not but what I ll be willing to go I ll be glad
to g et a little time for my crocheting an d I m
everlastingly pestered here but i t don t seem
like there s much chance of your getting any
”
thing she en ded doubtful ly
”
Well you know I need the change re
pli es Maggi e
I ll be b ack to get supper Just
help yourself for dinner there s pies an things
in the cupbo ard The children have just had a
piece No I d on t want
in answer
”
to a questioning glance I eat a big breakfast
She is running on now over the d am of the
l ittle river an d towar d the hills beyon d The
fresh green fields by the irriga t ing ditches o ff er
her no comfort as she hurries past them They
too are su ff ering struggling against this dead
life this gray green waste that shuts them in
a n d will not l et them stretch out to meet the
sympathies o f their fellows The woman
shudderi ng feels their torture but she hurries
r
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Wh en
34
.
Ev e
Was No t Created
on an d does not gi ve it name B es ides there
are men working in these fiel d s She runs at
times wh en no one is in sight and soon she is
alone
The gray green hills have taken her in their
arms They can at least sh i eld if they ca nno t
comfort her
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1
Wh en E v e Was No t Crea ted
6
3
to have a t our house and come to cong ratulate
”
us I reckon
”
Wh y yes partly that replies the ol d w o
man eyeing Maggie narrowly
We are a l l
glad for we kno w tha t you will fi nd it a gr ea t
comfort to have s o nice a gi rl as Jane come to
help you take care 0 Sam an the chil d ren ; yet
I spose as for children she ll soon be ba vi n
”
plenty o f h er own
Mr s Jenney is an ol d woman very black an d
wrinkled and also very sly about the eyes She
has always been an only wife an d t here is some
talk that it has been h er managing t hat she h a s
remained so ; but this is doubt less gossip for
she has been often ca lle d by the Elder a true
daughter of the church
”
Well Sam is a g oo d provi der says
Maggi e proudly
Yes an marriage is a good thing for a
man A man needs love now mo re th a n a w o
man He needs comfort an advice an wh a t
one wife can t give another can It s the true
state is marriage An I never coul d un d er
stand the reason of our enemies when they
make such laws as drives us from our ow n
country where they don t talk this bothersom e
Spanish and where they use American money
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A M onoch rome
money h ere is
1 37
poor ex cuse A doll ar is
worth all so rts o f prices from s even ty five to
n i nety cen ts which is o w in to th e ch eap k i n d o f
s ilver they make it o f I reckon f or they do s a y
it w ei g h s a s much a s Am er ica n money
Y es
we dlock is a holy state ; an the more wives the
ho lier it is Wh y now how many wives do you
”
s pose G o d h a s !
”
I s pose th ey re angels ventures Maggie
doubtfully for Mrs Jenney is authority on
religi on an d has seen miracles performed for
protecting her people
”
No ; they re women is the firm rej oin der
Real wives an He has thou s and s an thou
s an d s
Ther e s no law ag a i n st Him
An th e
law don t work much against us neither not
even up there in the s tates ; th e men ca n marry
spiritually Wh y right in the face of the law
I married my son who is dead now twenty
yea rs to a girl in the ol d country an she never
knows it neither There will be great joy for
h er when she gets to glory to fin d s o goo d a
For he was a good
h usban d as my son was
husban d al wa ys
The El d er says you ll be buil d in g now on
”
to your house as Maggie went on about the
work
I hope you re happy an resigne d to
The
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Wh e n
1 38
E ve
Was Not Crea te d
Lo rd s will Jane is a good gi rl they s ay
I never saw much o f her at home only at th e
services an th e society I don t won der S am s
in love with her f or she s right pretty and
young too a goo d bit younger th an you I
should say The young fellows all seem to be
hangin around her but she shows her good
sense in takin Sam You re happy I s pose !
this with a sharp look from the sly eyes
Whatever makes Sam happy m akes me s o
”
too answers Maggie steadily
I think Jane
an me will love each other like true sisters ; I
shall always love anybody that is good to S am
Here comes them children for s ometh in more
”
to eat
Mrs Jenney at last takes her sly eyes away
praising the policy of the church an d the unity
of the Latter day Saint s as she d eparts
It will soon be time for Sam to be comin
”
in thinks Maggie wearily
That s goin t o
”
be the hardest time of all but she does not s a y
this aloud even though she is alone in th e
house
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Wh e n
Eve
Was No t C reated
”
I was hungry and ate with the chil d ren
Oh ! I s pos e the El der was her e to da y !
Yes he said he exp ected to see you bu t
”
you w a sn t at home
—
Oh ! well I s pose he pointed out the path
of duty for us both in this case of of takin one
”
who nee ds our h elp
There wasn t any call for him to point o u t
”
mine
Sam is getting alarm ed
I don t s pose you will be for goin against
the will of the Lord as it has been mad e mani
”
fest to us through Joseph the Prophet !
I shall not be for goin against what you
”
want to make you happy
”
Oh
The woman is softening now and her harsh
voice is almost deep and tender
I ve been a
”
good wife an d true she says steadily but with
quivering lip s
Yes all th e wives are good an d true with
our people That is due to our system Th e
men appreciate this more than the women
There is not a man among the Latter day
Saints but what cares more for his home than
”
any Gen tile does
I believe I forgot to shut the chicken hous e
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A M o nochrome
14 1
”
d oo r exclaims Maggie rising su ddenly
I ll
”
go an d see to it now an d she hurries ou t i nto
the darknes s
”
Easier job than I was lookin f or re
marke d Sam to himself smiling unea sily He
s its a long time waiting and thinking o f many
things Of their ea rly courting days first then
afterwards of Jane but he has been thinking of
her all day an d soon he is dozing He feels
that it is time to go to bed an d still Maggie has
not come He goes to the door and listens
”
”
Maggie he calls Maggie
I wonder where she went There s no
I reckon she ll
s eein nothin in this darkness
come aroun d all right Don t like it much I
s pose still she seemed to take it uncommon
easy Well there s no proph es yin about t he
”
a ctin o f women
and h e creep s off to bed an d
in five minutes is sleeping s oun dly
Outsi de a half mile away a woman is run
ning aimless in the night Often she will stop
and look up at the stars often she will throw
herself on the g round an d sob an d p ray like a
little child
”
O God she is saying help me to do
Thy will God make me goo d only good ! Let
me not think of myself ! Make me a goo d wife
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Wh en
Ev e
Was No t Create d
tr ue ! Lor d G od bles s him an d her an d
ma ke us tw o sisters together ! I kn ow it is
Thy des ire Help me to be Thy obed ient
servant
It is several hours later when she steal s
quietly into the house The lamp is bu rning
low for the oil is almost spen t Her husba nd s
stea dy brea thing shows him to be soun d asleep
I will not do the dishes to night It migh t
wake Sam I will get up early in the morning
I have been won over to the Lo rd s side H is
will be done !
Alas the struggle has but beg un
an
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Wh e n
Ev e
Was Not Created
shiny ; freckle d faces now re d with th e recent
scrubbing ; pug noses sturdy limbs an d pink
calico dres ses Pink calico is the Mo rmon
chil d s Sunday attire That o f week days is
blue and white gingham check
Sam and Maggie set out at half pas t ei gh t
as usual though to them it is not the same as
usual at all And yet a neighbor woul d not no
tice any change There is Sam walking a littl e
way ahea d ca rrying the baby on one arm an d
leading Li zzie with the f ree hand B ehin d
comes Maggie with little Sam an d M a ry ca r
rying the B ibles
hymn books and B ook o f
Mormon an d trying to keep her bes t h a t f ro m
the clutches of th e wind They en ter the dus ty
little school room just as the E lder is ri s ing to
announce the hymn and are obliged to wa lk u p
front close to the organ in order to find a vaca n t
sea t
Mormon worshipp ers com e early an d come
reg ularly
The congregation is singin g the secon d
”
stanza of ! ion s Wall when Magg ie looks
up from the cares of settling the children an d
sees something that makes her heart lea p to h er
throat an d stop there aching an d quiver ing It
is nothing but the expression on S am s face
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A M o noc h rome
a simp eri ng exp ress ion a stranger might say ;
but to Magg ie i t mea ns th e tenderness the
—
strength and devotion of a manly hea rt the
heart she loves Never has s h e seen that look
save when it has been tu rned toward s her in
the years of their courtship and ea rly marriage
Now the look is directed across and in front o f
h er to the other si d e of t h e room
Swift as a
flash the woman s glance has followed it an d
struck the sentimental smile of Jane Wright
but Jane is looking at Sam and does not see
Maggie tu rns on the blissful man almost fiercely
and take s the baby from his arms It was
irresistible that su dden impulse o f hers to
make him feel her presence which he evi dently
ha d forgotten Once when it is done it is re
r
t
e
t
t
e
b
ut
o
ake
me
appearance
re
son
so
d
m
o
f
a
g
the wife sits down and puts the secure d baby to
her b reast Here among these simp le folk it
is an act o f becoming digni ty ev en during
service for a mot h er to nurse her ch i l d
When the orga n has cea se d its clamor an d
”
the last echoes of ! ion s Wall have die d
ti red look i ng young
a way ; when th e chea p
men an d women wh o make up the choir are
seate d an d the Elder s voi ce is l i fted h i gh in
p ra yer Mag gie Whippl e is st ill looking down
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1
Wh e n E v e Was Not C reat e d
6
4
fiercely at her child an d saying only un der h er
breath It is my own my very own !
The long droning service that has often been
so sweet in her ears as after some period o f
sickness grief or lonesomeness to day is bu t
mea ningless sounds The sacramen t o f bread
and w a ter is taken the sermon is delivere d a n d
the singing and collection ended
It is ha lf
”
done
It is all that Maggie Whipple i s
thinking
Then comes the Sunday School ; more sing
ing more talking mo re taking of the sacr a
ment The classes are formed in various se c
tions and corn ers o f t h e room Maggie is ta k
ing her place in the married woman s class
an d she imagines her sisters are looking at h er
curiously She remembers how she l ooke d
curiously on sister Clarissa Anderson who s e
husband took a second wife not long ago S h e
smiles an d speaks to everybo dy though s h e
has seen by a side glance that Sam is as usu al
teaching the young ladies class and Ja ne
Wright is o ne of the scholars
When at last they are dismissed and th e
noise of the moving and conversation has be
h
t
e sleepy children
Maggie
stands
amidst
n
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Wh en
14 8
Ev e
Was Not Creat ed
mother and sisters but where her father ra re ly
came She wonders if her mother always fel t
as she is feeling now
Often she cea ses wondering and reviews ove r
again and again all that happened at the s e r v
”
ice
When she comes to loo k on Sam s fa ce
and the last view of his shoulders going o ut th e
door the bitterness that fills her soul is wo r thy
to be a devil s hate but her lips do not utt er a
sound
It is only late in the evening when Sam h a s
returned and is asleep again in bed and she i s
out under the stars that she prays that th e
Lo rd s will be done an d that t hey three may
make a happy family
Once more she comes in praising God th a t
she has conqu er ed Satan ; but there is to come a
morrow
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VII
S so on as the fiel d work will permit Sam
begins the new addition to the house
”
I intend that you shall not be disturbed
he says kindly to Maggie one day for he feel s
that he ought to be kind to her even if she does
take his marrying a second time so calmly
Moreo ver the Elder has been giving him a goo d
lecture concerning his conduct toward her
Now some men here are willin to take tw o
wives into the same room but that ain t my
style I know you women like to be by your
”
selves don t ye now !
It would be much better for h er I shoul d
”
think since I have all the four children haz
ard s Maggie timi dly
Ju st what I was
says Sam
brightly
B ut you will like to have the same
livin room won t ye now ! I haven t the money
to buil d two separate houses yo u know She
h a s agree d to this an so it s d ecided if you say
so
We l l have it like the Cook s an the John
—
son s you know another log house like thi s
for the other en d and the f rame l ivin room
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14 9
1
Whe n
0
5
Ev e
W
No t Crea ted
as
bet ween the two Then we can all ea t togeth e r
—f or you will like to ea t with me as w e a l
ways have done won t you ! Though ea ch
”
one of you will have yo ur privat e sittin room
It would seem better woul dn t it if ther e
w a s two separate houses one for her an o n e
for me My mother now always had h er ow n
”
house ventures Maggie again
No I can t a ff ord that We ain t in U ta h
remember but Mexico an Jane an I ain t
willin to wai t till this yea r s crop is sol d We
feel the Lo rd s pea kin to us and we must a l l
stand faithful an obedient B es ides if she s
willin to live with you I sho uld think you
might be to live with her especia lly when she
”
ain t g o t no chil d ren to bother
”
Very well then replies Maggie go i ng
about her work ; but her heart is like lea d
As for Sam he is cross grained this morni n g
and must be forgiven He has just rea son f o r
co mplaint perhaps for it is plain to see tha t
Maggie ta kes little interest in his new bride
He is on the very point of following up thi s
listless answer of his wife with some stinging
remark when he fortunately remembers the
Elder s adv i ce an d holds his peace
”
I s pose I ought to kiss her s omet imes h e
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1
Wh e n E v e Was No t Crea t ed
2
5
an d the nex t mo rning after a wil d night s h e
is saying calmly enough Sam if I could g e t
o ff I shoul d like to go over an hel p h er wi th
her things but you know there s no o ne el s e to
cook for yo u men an min d t h e chil d ren I
”
expect she un derstands how it is
You are a little late about makin the off e r
”
but I ll tell her the next time I m over says
”
Sam l ig h tl v
Guess I d better go over to
night he a dds as if it had just occurred to
him
I reckon you can do the mil kin a n
fee d the horses hay
”
Oh yes returns Maggie patiently
Just
a s well as not
Of course while I w il lin l y
off er to come she mustn t expect me to do i t
n
o
u
k
ow
y
She might come up w ith the boys an spen d
”
the day with you suggests Sam wistfully
”
replies Maggi e quickl y
Not at all
cause then her work would g et farther be
hin d than ever an she coul dn t do me n o
”
good
Thus the work goes on a nd the two women
do not exchange visits
The house is done at len gt h and th e f u m i
ture is being put in
It will be a si g ht nicer for you to get you r
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A M o n o c h ro m e
kitchen
1
53
out of the room an in the new livin
”
room says Mrs Jenney prying about one day
with her sly eyes
Well you are well fixed
Maggie ; you surely ought to be a happy
”
woman
”
The Lor d has been very bounteous to me
repeats Maggie pious ly
”
He is always good to His chosen people
chimes in the old lady
Many an many is
the miracle He s worked for us Latter day
”
Saints
Lor d Go d work a miracle in me ! groans
Maggie that night under the silence o f the stars
Help me to bow to Thy comman ds !
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VI I I
.
H E Sunday wedding is safely over a nd t h e
Whipple famil y is walking homeward from
t he little school house in triple conju g al
h appiness
Nobody
There are to be no festivities
wants to leave o ff with t he crops to fuss ove r
gettin ready for a
Sam has s a id
Here even I can t a ff ord to miss a day behin d
as I am with my buil d in an
Maggie hurries about with the di nner a s
soon as they have reached the house whil e
Jane and Sam go into the new room adjoining
They close the door behind them an d Magg ie
tramps heavily t o let them understan d she is
not listening Once when she is sprea ding the
cloth she t hinks she hears the sound of a kis s
an d she b reaks o ut sud denly into a loud singi ng
which is not at all pretty for Maggie has nei
ther voice nor tune even when at her best
They come out after some time looking a l it
tl e uneasy both of them bu t Magg i e is q uite
herself only perhaps j us t a little merry and
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1
Wh e n
6
5
Was No t Crea ted
Ev e
I ve got to g o over to th e Allen s to nig h t
”
a n see a bo ut buyin so me fruit jar s o f th em
she annou nces at supper
Don t s et up ti l l I
”
come ba ck if I a m late
Bo th Sam a nd Ja ne look relieved though
Sam says something about wai ting just as w ell
till morning
Magg ie is late in coming back very l ate even
for her Surely she has not stayed at the Al
l en s so long When she slips into her ow n
part of the house the ligh t is out in Ja ne s room
This night Maggi e Whipple lies down in her
bed alone but not to sleep however t ired s h e
may be nor yet to thank the Lo rd that He h a s
strengt hened her It is doubtful even whether
now she is asking f or His strength
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I!
HE N
the gray dawn sprea ds over the
east this woman slips from her prison
room an d faces the cool damp light She hates
the thought of the room behind ; the ro om that
holds her children and that used to be her home
She wishes that it might burn down if the chil
dren were but safe an d so cease to torture her
Her thoughts go back to the long hours of the
nigh t for now her rage is spent and she can
think refl ec tively The great trouble seemed to
b e the children for she had been in constant
fear lest she should waken them It all seems
like the passio n of another person that she has
been witnessing Ho w o dd it was that when a
thought of the children had made that woman
quiet su ddenly a fancy of the two in the other
room woul d throw her into a spasm of silent
tearless agony that she thought only a devil
coul d f eel
Jus t now she Maggi e Whipple is feeling
v ery tired and very old She wo nders if she
will live much longer Then her thoughts hav e
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157
1
8
5
W hen
Ev e
Was No t Create d
strayed to yester day a nd she is thinki ng o f
some light joke or answer tha t she has gi ven a t
h er husband s wedding She smiled then
She
wonders if she ca n smile now Oh yes s h e
can do it easily ; it even see ms to deceive th e
clutching pain in her breast She will smile all
the time The sun is rising it is time she was
preparing the breakfa st Jane will probably not
get up very early
She enters the house but hastens through the
room of torture into the new living room that
they are to share in common Here are her
duties now She bustles about s tarting the fire
and knea d ing out the bread At first she tries
to keep still in order not to waken the couple
in the next room Then she thinks they may
hear her creeping about and think she is listen
ing and she sings a hymn When the prepara
tions for brea kfast are well under way she go es
out to feed the pigs and chickens and while
watching the chickens eat she sits down in a
warm corner by the s t raw stack and falls to
thinking again
Meanwhile Sam f rom Jane s part of th e h ou s e
has heard her go out and thinks it a good t ime
Jane has just helped
to make his appearance
him with his coat and hat in s o wife l ike a way
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W h en
1 60
Was Not Created
Ev e
stop bl ubberin I a in t l eft ye I m yo u r
”
husba n d as much as ever
She does not lea ve off her hold nor her weep
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no w ,
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l ug
.
Sam then takes hol d o f her arms more fi rml y
and tries to unclasp them She fights like a
wil d a nimal His temper is risin g
”
Don t be a fool he says with a hard rin g
o f hate in his voice ; he says it too with an oath
Still she does not let him g o He breaks aw a y
kicking wi th his heavy boo ts and thrustin g with
his arms An onlooker would say he were bea t
ing her but he tells himself he is only using
neces sary force to push her o ff He free s h im
self and goes about his milking leaving her ly
ing flat in the straw sobbing and shrieking like
a child
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!
H E breakfast is a little late on this first
morning When Sam comes in from the
barn some two hours later he finds Jane setting
the ta ble and Maggi e washing the children s
faces The two women seem to be getting on
well together Magg ie is a little red about the
eyes and has a shame faced manner but she is
doing her best to be agreea ble to Jane
Strangely enough Sam is the one who is sullen
and moo dy The women t alk of the children
the sewing the garden everything ; but he ca ts
in silence
If Maggie was in earnest about her blub
”
berin why does she get over it so soon ! he
is thinking
The day moves on perhaps dragging a little
for the newly wedded Still there is work to do
and much is accomplished The women have a
few ca llers in the afternoon Old mother
Jenney is here with her prying eyes but even
she does not see a movement that can be taken
a s a s ig n of j ea l ousy
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16 1
Wh en
16 2
Ev e
Was Not Crea ted
We have the happies t wives among
ou r
”
people of any wives in the world she says a s
she takes her prying eyes away with her
In the evening the El der drops in an d tel l s
long stories till Maggie is nodding When he
goes away he asks Sam to walk a piece w i th
him an d perhaps he gi ves some Elderly a dv ice
out ther e in the darkness It is very likely f o r
when Sam comes ba ck to the newly wakene d
women he says to Maggie sullenly :
If you ve put the young ones in the b ed
pile them on the floor as usua l I shall no t
”
want them kickin me in the night Then a s
he goes with Jane int o her room to show h er
about the lamp he says he adds to Magg ie
”
Go on to bed I ll be in in a minute
It is probable that the Elder did not advise
this prolonged good night with t he new wife
”
but then reasons Sam quietly he d id not
”
know about the lamp
It does not occur to
him that his a ff airs are none o f the Elder s
busines s Th at is not a feeling of the Latter
day Saint
”
Not asleep yet ! he says to Maggie as h e
crawls into bed by her si de some half an hou r
later
Well you must be tired out Now
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! I
S POS E if I should pl ow out the pota toe s
you women could pick them up n o w
says Sam at breakfast
Yes it s time they were i n for the g ru b s
”
are workin on em replies Maggie
We ll be out by the time you are ready I
”
guess adds Jane to show her willingness to
help
The di shes are wa shed the table pushed ba ck
against the wall the floors are swept an d cv
A Mormon hou s e i s
eryth ing is put in order
always or derly
S am has turned out the potatoe s and th ey
lie in long rows on the fresh brown ri dges as
the plow has left them
The women walk along the furrows w ith
basket s and pick up while Sam carries to th e
wheelbarrow It is hard work but they a r e
used to it a nd none o f them think much abou t
aching backs
Maggie has alw ays done thi s work before ;
every year since she was married Always be
fo re sh e h as been use d to thi nk o f the yi el d
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154
A M o n ochrome
16
5
what they will buy with the money from the
store an d she has then gone on to won der how
the little fellow Sam will look wh en he is big
enough to pick up po tatoes To day she is
thinking that this work will have to be done
again an d again one year after another She
wonders how long she will live ; probably
thirty fi v e years yet or forty or forty fi ve
It seems a long time to wait An d then what is
there to wait f o r at the end ! Mrs Jen ney says
there are marriages in heaven
I won der which one of us three wi ll d ie
”
first she keeps thinking to herself
Sam
will maybe I think Jane an I coul d get on well
together then Or Jane first maybe But Sam
and I woul d never be the same again even if
”
she shoul d die now Or maybe me !
Here
her passions rise up too violent for words
Then Sam calls out to see if she has fed the
baby and as she goes to get the chil d she prays
silently that they two may live happily together
and be kind to her children if she is taken She
would like to kneel and pray but she is not
alone She can never be alone again now
—
al ways some one near work work an d smile
The baby goes to sl eep and is put to bed in
the sha de o f the barrel s Once more the pota
of
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W h en
1 66
Ev e
Was Not Created
to es are going stea d ily i nto the baskets There
seem to be countless numbers of po tatoes a s
there are o f days that are to come The tw o
are much alike Each beg ins with the sa me
mo tion as i t s fellow preced ing goes in the s ame
direction an d en ds in the same way The o nly
di ff erence is a potato is soon passed but a day
has many hours ma de up o f many minutes
Ja ne too seems to feel the heaviness of it all
f o r even when S am s peaks to h er she does n ot
liven up Perhaps she will liv e fifty years
What a long time to look forward to
At last it is time f or dinner an d Sam sa ys
the women shall not work in the afternoon It
was not so last year an d will not be so next
thinks Maggi e but it is no more than r ight to
make things easy for a tw o days ol d bri d e
They g o into the hou s e ta lking o f the h arves t
an d the prospects for crops in the coming year
They eat and the women wash the di shes
ag ain just as they d id in the morning and
just as they will always do three times a d ay
for fifty years
They sew in the afternoon an d get su pper
and wash the dishes once more Then they s it
about till they g row sleepy each one watching
the other guardedly an d both watching S am
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Wh en
1 68
ma d
Ev e
Was Not Created
Swed ish women with heavy roun ded
shoulders and vu lgar h ul king ways with
coarse hard hands and arms that ache w ith
—
the cons tant weight of chil d ren these wo men
They work an d grow dull and
do not g o mad
stupid instead
I know that there are times scores o f times
perhaps in every dragging day that this on e
thinks the madnes s is coming an d that she
curses and prays and struggles wi th herself
but it does not come for all that She work s
instea d an d she smiles t oo changing at times
wistfully stolidly almost hopefully for a mo
men t but stea dily always She would not
smile were it not that she has schooled herself
to it beca use she is never alone After all ti s
not so hard a thing this screening a cursing
dying heart with a hope f ul smile
Tis don e
oftentimes outside the still valley ; but there it
is always done
Then too in the most desolate lives there
are hopeful times At intervals the dusty yel
low sunl ight livens up the g rayness in th e
green and almo st gives a promise o f a better
day Be sure that during a vigorous walk i n
t h e open air even the most round shoul d ered
and the coarsest of t hese Swed ish women will
o
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A M o noch rome
169
feel a yea rn ing poss ibil ity tha t a ll may yet be
well ; that s h e may come to l ook upon the com
h
i
a
n
o
n
f
her
sisters
wi
h
her
hus
b
an
d
as
a
i
s
o
t
p
p
source o f greatest ! oy Then i t is that she wil l
p ray most tearfully
Thy will 0 Lord be
”
done ! Sometimes it will seem that her prayers
are answered an d she wi l l make to kiss her
sister s child her husban d s chil d a s well ; but
the cur ious stare o f th e other woman her sister
w h o i s not now praying or th e pe ttish s ul l en
ness of her husban d will bring the old life back
aga in a nd no longer is she alone but is work
ing on drudgingly as before telling OE the
minutes till the sun shall have d ragged itself
over the day s awaited hours an d the f earf ul
night of suspens e an d pain and weariness is
begun
Thank G od there is wea riness to comfo rt
her ! B lessed be th at pati ent hea vy labor that
will sp rea d itsel f th rough all the frames o f
tho s e women ti l l i t h a s s od d ened and numbed
a l l that is d elicate an d sensiti v e of fibre
So d
d en i ng though i t is it gives sleep ; and wh en
that comes then at l ea st the re is nothin g worse
th an d rea ms to think o f When it does not
—
come no ; but i t must come ; we will think it
comes th ough w e know that i t often d oes not
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W h en
0
7
We
Ev e
Was Not Created
mus t
th ink it comes because our sympa
thies ca nnot en dure the agony el se As for th e
woman s en durance wel l we have sai d it many
times ; she is only a heavy round shoul dered
Swedish w oman an d if she d oes not like it
why was she born there ! She mi ght try to
get away i f she liked She could not do i t
but we can say that she might try just to
quiet our sympathies
But the woman fighting an d smiling ther e
and never alone is looking homeward an d beav
enw a r d towar d the promises of Joseph the
Prophet
”
Surely she is sa ying Go d is Good I
suff er because o f my sin When my rebell i ous
spirit is conquered I sha ll be content B ehol d
His eternal justice ! Some day He w ill give
”
me pea ce
And some d ay we feel He will ; that i s if
our faith is strong in no future after d eath
Perhaps even when she i s very old if the s u f
f er ing of her d aughters i s from her sight s h e
will fi nd a do z ing drowsy peace here in the
gray green val l ey Until then let the s un d ra g
there as i t will
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T h e H is to ry
o
f
a
P a ra do x
E was not strong even from the day of his
b i rth
”
A worth les s child his father used to say ;
and then as is usual in such cases the father
an d mother joine d all ca re an d forces to keep
this worthless one alive lea ving his heartier
brothers and sisters to s h ift as they m ight
It was something of reward doubtless that
he was beautiful ; l arge dark eyes l it with
drea ms an d fire ; high b row and langui d silken
curls a s whi te a s milk when it comes foaming
in the pa i l
The hair darkened as the chil d gr ew ol der
The mother d i ed of wea rines s perha ps ; but in
an old trunk even th is very day there lies
wrap pe d in a piec e of newspaper crump l ed and
yellow w ith ancient han dl ing one of those
milk white curls jus t as it came from th e ba by s
head on th at woeful day of th e first ha i r cut
ting There it lies in the crumpled pap er glow
ing an d twining stil l like a living thi ng an d
whether i t is its bea uty or whether it is some
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Ev e
W h en
74
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Was Not C reated
thing else I do not know but many times a s
hands have caressed it in t he past tears ha ve
fallen upo n the pape r and if the world is not
becoming ha r dened in this critica l a n d sc i enti fic
day it shall be plea se Go d that the tears wil l
fall again
The mother died and afterward the boy u s ed
to sit on his father s knee forgetting s oo n all
memories o f a softer lap an d to call for his f a
vor ite songs as the fi r el ig h t leape d aroun d
them Then the father sang out loud and lust
ily It was th e way of this man to sing ou t
cheerily and long an d never allow the har d en
ing lump in his th roat to ri s e and strangle the
melody
The boy love d his father but h e feared h im
—
—
as a man always must b e feared and he
too
used to weep at the slightest sign of dis a p
proval There was a sister however who ha d
become the little mother now and though h e
love d her quite as much he used often with her
to brea k out into violent fits o f rage an d rebel
lion
—
One morn ing it is here our histo ry really
—
beg in s when he had been worse than ever be
fore it seemed the sister was called away f or
the day S h e tried to kiss h im good by at
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17 6
W h en
Ev e
Was Not Created
Once the chi ckens gath ered abo ut him ; h e tr ied
to cry with one eye an d watch them with th e
other Then the cat came to ba sk and rol l in
the s un Sti ll he cri ed faintly with occasiona l
tearing sobs Then the cat chase d th e ch ickens ;
then a bir d came down to scratch for worm s
He was hungry too and ate s ome bread h is
brother had left f or him There were so man y
things inviting him out into the warm meado w
He was crying with vexation now because h e
coul d not cry any longer Along ca me the ol d
dog at last and the temptation was too grea t
to be resisted ; away both went for a ra mbl e
When night ca me an d the sister return ed th e
boy was laugh ing merrily
Then the thought came to him that he was
not crying and much ashamed by it he wen t
o ff alone to think
”
I thought I was strong inside he s aid
over and over again but the birds an d the
”
meadow were stronger
He never forgot this day so long as he lived
—
an d with it ends the first chapter much th e
same as all the rest we fear will find th em
selves to be en d ing
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II
H ER E was a field back of the orchard
where the boy used to go to work when he
rea ched the age o f usefulness
”
Y ou may hoe among t he potat oes to day
the father might say and the boy would set off
ea gerly The bird s were singing The cool
morning air was freshening in the shortene d
curls The boy was singing too and his step
was bounding
”
I wil l do twelve rows to d ay h e would
an d then how prou d and sur
s a y to himself
”
prised father will be
Before he began his first row he would stop
for a minute to gr eet th e vall ey The field lay
in a smaller valley half way up th e slope s o
h e coul d look dow n an d out as if it were to a
pictu re There woun d the river with its trellised
screen of trees Th e blue haze h ung over it
Beyon d were th e hills w ith checkered farm s
and woo ds C otta ges were there peaceful a s
his own home Above w as the sky fl eece
clou d ed blue a nd won derful
All h a i l va ll ey ! shouted th e boy stretch
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I77
W hen
178
Was No t Created
Ev e
”
ing his arms out toward it
Hail ! Hail !
a nd then deep waves of symp a thetic mys tery
would rise within him and make him to un
cover there his head and wait for silent bene
d icti on
The tears falling fro m his wide dis
tended eyes would fall upon his blouse and
searching for his handkerchief he woul d see
the hoe long since fallen and forgotten Then
he would think of the twelve rows
In picking up the hoe he saw perhaps that
the handle so carelessly let fall had crushed
one of the tender vines
”
Poor li ttle thing said the bo y
Your
back is almost broken and I have been to
”
blame
Then he would curse himself for his t hought
lessness and pet the drooping plant an d hill
Y ou
t he earth up soft and high abou t i t
”
shall have all the wat er fro m my jug he would
say in his remorse
I t will s erve me right to
n ot be
thirsty
till
noon
tim
Then
I
shall
e
o
g
”
perm itted t o forget you
When all was done
and after much fond lingering the boy would
return t o his twelve rows and begin vigorously
on the first
H e was a skillful active worker sure of h is
stroke and swift in recovery f or the next Th e
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Wh en
h ad
al l
a nd
a
w i t ch
h a rp
,
Was Not
Ev e
fro m
ch an ged
merma id and
me w h ich had
,
,
and
before th a t
w ith th e wind ;
Th e re w as
.
ki tt en
a
been
a s h ip
nes s
of
wo rk
at
He
.
w orked
in h is eyesi gh t
dinner bel l was
f our mw s !
t ime ,
d
o
"
!
he was
s
i
o
r
i
r
a
n
e
t
p p
a
l
!
e
m
p p
Th e b nv
th e s corch
in
making h im fa in t
l
w or k, work , w ork !
i
r ng in g and
I will
sa
ying
th e
a as
he h ad do ne
on
ly
not ta ke a res t at noon
I w ill
!
.
su n set ;
in th e mor nin g ,
an d
s h a de called ov er
to ca me to it, an
ha s te n
ach ed
back
to
the a f ter
but in
things
h i s li ie an dhi s back
r
a
s
t
u
e
p
wo ma n with
h ims e l f f o r h is id l e
i
r
n
e
w
g
th e
a
st ea d i l y , now ,
my eigh t bef or e
noo n, a s
th ere
was
:
and ne w th e t w el ve ro w s an d
a ga in ch id ing
th e s un , th e
a
d rag o n
a
bend ing do w n w a r d
th e enemy, and th e su ff e ring
was
Creat ed
ca me up and
w it h bend ing ,
f rom the trees in t he
w as
d,
eig ht row s !
all
th e boy co ul d say as he walked
h eartene d, ln the twil igh t
home
,
di s
.
"
1 s h a ll
never
be s trong , try
as
I
will ,
”
he
was s aying
'
But the boy s f ath er in the li ttle g rocery
sta re a t the village th at nig h t would s peak o f
the exces s ive h eat o f th e day and tell h ow h is
he y did not mind it
.
.
Th e
Hi s tory of
a
Parad ox
1 81
He has do ne eight rows of po tatoes this
”
very d ay he was saying done them w ell
too ; an d you know how long the rows in my
field are !
,
,
,
III
THI NK this boy was never ambitious ; at
least as most boys o r men are amb iti o us
Things seemed to fl ow in upon him in his
—
dreams grea t things such as love a dmirati o n
power fame ; he was always accustomed to pos
sessing these and they seemed to be long to h im
as his b irthright He accepted them ; but a s
f o r desiring them there was nothing left t o
desire
One o f his most familiar day drea ms as a boy
—
was that he was king of his grea t nation the
boy king He ha d a kin d hea rt an d strong l ove
of truth and equity So it was th at the pictures
of h imself as king were those of the righter o f
wrongs an d the helper of the weak His in
s tin cts
to o
were al l against conventions
They say and They do were always h is
greatest enemies
Do not listen to what the
”
people say nor yet the leaders ei ther says th e
young king
Lis t en only to t he voice of Go d
as it flows in upon you from around You
complain i t will not flow ! Or you fear for its
authority ! That is because you yourself have
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182
W h en E v e Was No t Cre ate d
1 84
sky th at th e worl d mela ncholy rose up withi n
t his boy as he listened to the patter of the d rops
t ill unable to bear longer the st ifling weight
within the house he crept out int o the falling
rain an d took the rich incens ed emptiness in his
arms much as the lover clasps his beloved to
h is breast ; and the soft rain soothing on h is
upturned face carried his tears with its ow n ;
and the rich smoke scented air settle d upon his
st rain ing lips till flushed with cont ent at last
he coul d return to his bed again and sob
himself childlike to sleep
Living as he d i d with such stra nge fr i en ds
a s t hese
it was little wonder tha t his fellows
sometimes thought him t o betray hints of a
high ambition ; but it w as not a mbition but
recogn ition and acceptance instead For in
s tance he so metimes spoke as a boy of going
to t h e greatest uni versity in the land and when
he had finished there of writing books and
working for all people While those who hea rd
h im secretly won dered a t his daring they only
laughed so t hat he soon learned silence He
h a d no money an d only the rich coul d d o the
things he talked of : t his was his ans wer ; so
th a t seeing how short t heir sigh t was he held
his peace and quietly s et to work
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Th e
of
Hi s to ry
a
P a ra d o x
18
5
It took three yea rs to make the very faintest
beginn ing His father d ied of loneliness may
be an d the family sca ttered to the four points
The boy traveled to the far Wes t with a neigh
bor and became t h e general chore doer on a
li ttle ranch on the prairies His wage was
three dollars for a month but after he had
worked t wo yea rs and come to be more ca pable
and strong the sum was raised to four
The boy kn ew that th e only problem how
ever was to save an d in time even four dollars
a month woul d be enough Then he would
spen d a wint er in th e t own academy It is not
d iffi cult on the whole to save money on a
ranch or farm Blue duck is very cheap for
trousers and jacket and the boy went without
new hats an d shoes Once his feet were bare
so late into th e winter that he was confined to
t h e house for two months with frozen toe s
Then he saw that he must buy coarse shoes but
he lea rned to make his own stockings an d
economize d there at leas t
Then some day he would rea d a notice in
the county paper of some wonderful toy that he
longed for an d thereupon he woul d draw the
money and buy it never thinking at the time
Once it
h o w h is small amount was lessened
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Wh e n
1 86
Ev e
Was Not C reated
was a magic lantern with wonderful pictures ;
once it w as a toy engine ; sometimes it was
books ; I think he never regretted a Shakespeare
s o long as he lived but the rest were l amen te d
sadly when in time t hey had wearied his fancy
He used to wish often to read but there was
n othing aside from ol d sc ho ol books so he set
him new tasks in them They were har d to d o
Th e bov tried them OE a nd on d uring the en
tire three years but he never ma de th em come
to anything he wished After all his only ho pe
was to save Then he thought o f the extra va
gance of the magic lanter n and the engine and
he walked out o n t he level in the night and
cursed him for a fool an d a weakling
In three years however there was enough
for a shabby war d robe and the academy tui t ion
and board He attended f or five months It
seemed the only five months in the three years
of his life then his money w as all spent
”
How faithfully he has worked and saved
said all th e neighbors to their own boys w h o
h a d spent t heir wages as they wen t
The boy saw that he could have gone another
month if he had no t spent for the engine and th e
l an tern It w a s a bitter bitter day for him when
be packed his shabby wardrobe to go home
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Wh en
1 88
Ev e
Was No t Created
The boy now was weak an d slend er for h is
years He was not bea uti ful longer neither was
—
he prepossessing in h is manner a n undeveloped
face a too receding chin
Wh y there a re ten
boys in t he school who have more beard th a n
he !
said the d isgusted committee when they
saw the teacher they ha d engaged through thei r
superintendent s recommendation
Nevertheless the boy t ea cher rang the cracked
and dusty soun d ing bell an d t he boys with
mo re of beard together with a swarm of small
children gathered aroun d him He was not
large to be sure Six o f the boys were hea vier
than he and one was five years older b ut they
all ca me in time to look to him a s their master
It seemed there was something in his eyes to
ma ke the lo oking worth the while and when he
spoke there was always close attention
The work was long a nd hea vy Many o f
the larger boys an d girls were pursuing th e
same b ranches of stu dy that the yo ung tea cher
had followed only the year be fore Sometimes
th ey ov er reached him in their queries and
thorough preparation was imperative The boy
rose always before the dawn Every sunrise
found h im stu dyin g in the dusty roo m an d
twilight could not ling er in th e evening to see
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,
Th e H is to ry o f
Pa rado x
a
1 89
him close the leaves Stil l there was much
undo ne He could not work during the in ter
mission : it was not well that pupils should see
him doing that ; moreover he loved the outdo or
games and was leader in the sports of the young
men In the evenings after th e late supper he
could hardly work at ease for the family wi th
whom he lived were si t ting together around t he
fire and there was no warm room in the house
where he could g o away to stu dy
”
When Saturdays and Sundays come said
the boy there will be t ime for me to do all I
”
need
And so there would have been but how were
these work times spent !
Saturday morning it seeme d there was al
ways commotion o f th e sweeping and dust ing
in t he littl e house o f the big family and the
boy found good excuse to himself for taking a
morning walk
Trees had been always clea r to him and d u r
ing his three years on the uplands of the ranch
he had been quite deprived of their aff ection
It was very sweet to wander with them here
a n d hold old converse with them now again
He soon chose one out for his dearest friend
i
n
e
s
t
comrade
and
many
hour
hey
sp
n
t
n
d
a
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Wh en
1 90
Ev e
Was No t Creat ed
confidential comp any The t ree was oak and
it grew so litary among the elms and ash trees
that coul d not know i t s yearn ings Its home
was snug and pleasant ; there was a tiny ravine
h igh with clay cl iEs on ei ther side and half
way up the sturdy oak was set The boy coul d
s tep from the bank a bove directly 0E in to the
spreading branches of hi s friend and sitting
t here in these wild arms of nature could watch
the trickling brook below o r s tay motionless
for the t imid curious squirrels to peep and cha t
ter or watch t he flying clouds and swaying
thick t w igged branches overhea d
Sometimes t he snow and ice lay deep in the
li ttle ravine below and quails crept purringly in
and out among the bushes Bu t the tree always
held out its warm an d comforting arms s o that
the boy wrapped in his shabby coa t could sit
for hours in the shel tered spo t without feeling
the chill of the winter
He used to cry sometimes I really can see
no reason ; but often as he s a t there wi th his
friend he used to throw his arms around the
sturdy trunk and laying his cheek close up
against the bark would give himself to t he re
lief of violent weeping The oak t ree knew and
sympathised Often it swayed him to and f ro
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Wh e n
192
Ev e
Was No t Creat ed
tic problems were not familiar So Sunday fol
lowed on Saturday Ge n erally the crow ded
family had visitors with everywhere noise and
confusion and again the week began with the
growing dawn on the school house an d again
t he boy was calling the curses on his hea d for
a weakling and an idler who did ever nothing
but mope when his du ty was pressing heavily
Week followed week till the spring came to
the oak tree friend in th e ravine bu t then the
boy was gone
”
He was a good teacher sai d the com
mittee
And he did a marvellous amount o f
”
w ork
The boy knew it was a ll lies An d in his
coward heart he cursed him for a failure nor
ever could he t hink upon tha t winter but the
shame burned in his face
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V
H E first two years in college perhaps the
boy fel t less of the strain and dra w within
him than at any o ther time of his life
It is a fea r some thing for a shy y outh to
enter college especially so if his nearest com
panions from childhood have been the plains
and sheep wi th only the s ky for recogn ition
Th e boy too had many things to hold him in
submission As he entered the roomy halls
well filled with well dressed students w h o
seemed s o very much at ease it was little won
der that he slipped behind the doors or into
remotest corn ers and never o ff ered a word
wi thout compulsion a nd then only with the
most violent t rembling
He knew tha t he was shabbily dressed He
had taken his suit in th e littl e country town be
cause it was the first the salesman had given
h im and he had not dared to say to him he d i d
not want it Of course th e coat was too big
and the trousers also except in the length of
leg But he h a d t old himself in comfort that
he could set the buttons over on the co at
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I O3
Wh en E v e Was Not Crea ted
1 94
s hort l eg ged tr o users
an d
h e cou ld
let them down on the suspenders They would
ha ng in folds upo n him ; he kn ew how ugly
they were ; but perha ps the coat wo ul d cover
the worst At all events he liked the color a nd
the s ales man d i d not oEer to show him others
Bes ides the feeling o f his ugl y clothing there
was the knowledge of his room a nd it seem ed
that every studen t in college must know just
h o w he lived
The little basemen t room the chea pest he
could find where he ate an d slept and cooked
He tried to be very ca re
a nd di d his washing
ful about the niceness of his person but once in
class he thought he ca ught t he smell o f fried fat
in his coat and it seemed he would go wild be
fore the hour was over and he could get out in to
the air His un derclothes his stockings and
fl annel shirts he washed on Sunday mornings
I t was the only time ; for Saturdays and all his
afternoons as well he spent at ou t side work in
order to earn his living There were od d jobs
He d id not enjoy the dign ity of regu lar
only
—
w ork sometimes some woo d to saw so me
t imes a house t o scrub or the painting o f a
ba r n or the cleaning of a yar d or stable
The well dressed student s often saw him do
f o r th e
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Wh en
1 96
Ev e
Was No t Creat ed
touching with himself as had been the oak tree
or the plains or the s ky that oversprea d them
This fr ien d could both thi nk and feel an d
though he had much else in his life he gave
himself up for a month much to his new found
friendship
The boy gave all : himself books lessons
how co uld he think o f them ! Wa s there not
the last word of his comrade ! There was as
well s o much besides the word Th e loo k the
tone even the place was remembered When
mi dnight came to him now the boy closed up
his useless books an d crept out in the dark
ness towards the house where his frien d lay
sleeping He never told him of those nightly
journeys That was impossible to tell The
house was become sacred to him even the very
d irection in w hich it lay gave him a d iEerent
feeling from the o ther points of the compass
he hi d himself in the darkness of the tree across
the street and sai d his p rayer s before it
You will l augh at this perhaps It seems a
foolish thing Maybe you will d iscuss it and
say it was abno rmal At all events it wrenched
the boy to the very finest atom of his soul He
was never the same again He was another
ea ker
p
u
l
a
e
whether
stronger
or
w
m
a
s
t
c
o
e
u
y
y
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The
Hi s to ry o f
a
Pa radox
1
97
All day all night his thought w as w i th h is
friend Well for his grades in class that the
year s work was almost over ! Metho d ically he
drudged on thr ough the form of study and his
examinations were the pride of his instructors
S t ill his heart was never in his work
The two separated in a mont h T hey never
met again and the boy returning to his prairies
once more thought often that his time was past
for work ; bu t if he began to curse himself for
his weakness as once had been h i s cus tom the
thought of his comrade friend seemed the curse
that he was cursing and th en he prayed ins tead
wi t h holy and fervent thanksgiving
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VI
H E boy s great love for his friend was soon
to become the motive for his action instead
of t he annihilation of it As vaca tion wore on
he saw no chance of going back to meet him in
college He h a d no money at all and must
seemingly take to the dusty school teachin g
again Meanwhile his comrade woul d g o on
in the beautiful work of study Never would
they be together again for the foll owing yea r
his frien d was going to a d istant ci ty Perhaps
he woul d take him ano ther friend Al l his
classmates were going steadily too The boy
saw his g rasp of life was slipping slipping ; and
many nights he walked the level lands for hour s
together cursing and praying and sobbing to
the moist stars overhea d or to the pressing
mother so d or to the d iving wind to rmented
moon
All this time th ere was a temptat ion smiling
at his el bow A frien d was daily urging him to
—
join in a plan f or money making to take an
agency f or a book the pay was sure for at least
ten dol lars a week It meant his comra de again
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‘
8
9
Was Not C reat ed
Ev e
W h en
2 00
reason after all It was the vision o f his com
rade s face smiling through his tears
The boy sec ured his material prepared him
self upon it and w ent aw ay to work
It was disagreeable more disagreeable and
thankless even than he had anticipated He
h ad chosen a territory some twenty miles from
home It had seemed wisest to do that and so
h e trudged and ta lked and was ashamed but
t ried to keep his courage up by the money that
he saw coming r ich ly in
I t was curious the feeling that he had o f
guilt an d timidity as he wal ked up to the little
box like houses perch ed on the prairie to be
met with fierce rebu E as if he w ere an enemy
He
to civilization instead O f a benefactor
soon began to wonder if after all missionaries
could ever justify their existence The first day
there were no sales and all next morn ing he
made no impression but seemed a hungry cur
It was at
to be kicked from house to house
noon that he met success and a greeting
There were two Old people living in a prett y
house and they seemed glad to welcome a wan
dering stranger They took him in g ave him
th eir hospita b le fare and praised his book an d
Since
h is ambitions in every way they coul d
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Th e
H is tory o f
a
Paradox
20 1
t hen the boy has prayed f or blessings on them
many times but they wil l never know it They
tol d him of several others wh o would buy his
book as well
”
No it was an honourable business they
sai d People did not look aright upon the mis
”
sion O f the book agent He must keep on an d
they would help him all they coul d They were
sure that they coul d help him to many dollars
When the boy went away he was strong an d
eager He w ould not g o to t he families they
ha d named He would let t hem talk o f him
first an d grow to watch for his co mi ng He
turned farther to the north where the land lay
toward the stream an d the wheat d id n ot grow
so thickly
One family was bitter poor A woman with
two children and they had been deserted He
was pleased t hat the next house was neat an d
cared for In spite of i t s smallness it seemed to
him ve ry promising The woman gave him
from the first a very interested welco me She
was young but worn with care Then there
was a look in her eyes that went beyo nd care
How much of the world yearns f or grow th and
instruction
The woman looked with eager
hungry eyes that cut th e boy to the heart He
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Wh
20 2
en
Ev e
Was No t Created
reflected that th i s was the best metho d o f get
ting s ubscriptions accord ing to the in s tructions
o f his firm an d kept stea dily on
”
Interest the w omen sai d the circula r
and they will persuad e their husba nds into
buying the book if yo u call again in the morn
”
ing The boy kn ew what jars at home this
process o f persuading must involve The man
would argu e and objec t His mind wa s on the
honest debts that alrea dy they coul d not pay
The woman woul d i nsist an d tease th e husban d
finally g o away with an all right that woul d
be a club to beat her with for many months
To day however the cas e seemed so p romis
ing that the boy th ought to pursue it to the en d
He would g o out and call on th e man an d s ettle
th e barga in in the fiel d
He found th e man gl oomy and brooding
Not yet 3 year ol d husband he was in straits to
Hi s wife w as fond o f nice
meet h is d ebts
t hings an d here th e wheat and rye were drying
up under h is very eyes Wh at right had a man
to live at all ! he asked ; or w a s it that the ques
tion was asked him an d h e di d not kn ow an
answer He li s tened silently to the agent s
glowing d escription of the book It meant a
step beyo nd where he ha d ever been an d in
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W hen
2 04
Ev e
w ere
Was No t Cre a te d
in his voice
Forget the books an d the
learning They are an abomination and a curse
G O h ome to your wife and her love
TO you
bo th it is all sufficient Blame me alone f or
what I have put between you The rain will
yet come on your wheat and th e baby will still
”
learn to bless you
It was a strange thing f or a book agent to
d o ; but when he w ent aw ay it seemed he was
an agent no longer
Far OE from a ll houses he wandered to a
quiet hollow in the prairies and sat him down to
t hink There were all the rebu Es and exper i
en ces of the past t w o days an d they furnished
matter for reflection The twilight w as com
ing on He had no place as yet f or lod ging
He remembered h ow he ha d heard of one man
n ot far O E wh o had said he woul d shoot any
a gent w h o entered his gate
Wh y was an agent
s o despised and lonely !
Wh y di d he interfere
with everybo dy s conten t an d comfort ! What
”
right came the echo to him what right has
”
a man to live !
As the misty twilight gathered he looked
again for the vision O f his friend and comrade s
face to smile upon him I t was no longer there
but another face smiled out instead It was his
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Th e
H is tory o f
a
Paradox
20 5
mother s s miling to h im kind ly He di d not t e
membe r his mother s face and coul d not then
h ave s een it in his fancy ha d it not been f or a
picture i n his ol d home He remembered the
even parting and flowing o f the hair but most
o f all to night was the shining of the eyes
The bo y leaped up and turned his face home
w ard
Twenty miles in the night I t seemed
as nothing to him Wh y he would sing it as he
w ent !
”
I have said I would be strong he chanted
strong strong ! I w ill be strong ! But I will
be honest and honourable as well
That night the ! oy was upon him But in
th e days weeks months that followe d he often
questi oned to himself whether the honourabl e
ness Of his song were not only an excuse f or his
cowardice In years he came to kn ow it w as
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VII
is probable that no course is di ffi cult to
pursue if one only wishes to pursue it and is
willing to take all accidents philosophically on
the way At all events the boy found it most
natural that he should complete his college work
in time and then cross half a continent to finish
in a great university For him it w as the
easiest possible t hing to do In fact he could
n o t have done oth erwise
80 it was with his
writing of books Having announced his in
tentions early in life to take that as a profession
he had calmly marched on that course burning
all bridges behind him till now there was noth
ing other left to do He must finish at the Uni
v ersity He must go f or a year to foreign lands
and then he must perforce write books As for
t he cost and manner of living there was no
nee d of question
I have lived now f or twenty fi ve years
said the boy and have alw ays done it hon
es tl y
It would be absurd freakish and im
possible ii my twenty sixth year shoul d fail
me
I
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206
W hen
20 8
Ev e
Was Not Created
life out in a chair and knew w hat other men ha d
done an d ta lked of it in one hour lectures when
in reality he never kn ew for an insta nt of wha t
he ta lked because his first hypothes is lif e h a d
not the slightes t meaning And h ow the well
d ressed young enthusiastic fo ols sat in long
rows in front and not ed every precious word on
their tablets That they who were real should
think that this was reality Blind dolts of con
v en tion
that they were ! They too in four
years time woul d be broken entirely in soul
and then wo uld en d their lives mere vapid in
tel l ects and trained forms
Fit they as well
for only university professors
And there he sat w ith the rest a fell ow vic
tim to their word s an d conventions He too
was a slave to form but not yet so much as
they f or never would he use their tablets never
would he rea d their dry an d ch aE fil led books
No ; he was bound like the rest but he at least
had curses for the ensl avers He crumple d the
paper in his hands and either followed their cu
r iou s int ellectual mean derings with the inter est
O f some entomologist in watching the habits O f
an insect or else his sympathy f or them griped
and he cursed and cried at them all in his pas
sion Often it was that leaving after an hour
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Th e
H is tory of
a
Paradox
209
lecture room h e found that h e could
s carcely wal k f or d i zz i nes s and th en h e knew
h ow g r ea t ha d been h is eEort
B eing now enough enslave d to be of an ana
lytica l min d h e s a w then that th ere wa s th e
trag edy of h is pa radox ; he was weak only in
be ing strong strong only in being weak It
seemed to h im tha t h is l ife h ad worked i ts el f
out on itsel f and that he would never care f or
anyth ing more
Th i s wa s but in reacti on from th e f renzy
As s oon a s he ha d recovered h e w ould rea s on
th at h e must gi ve himself all to one s ide and in
that h e woul d fin d hims elf aga in
Suppo s e he become a studen t f or two years
a t l ea s t an d give hims el f to th e meth o d : th en
h e wo ul d get him tablets an d s i t to h is boo ks
most determinedly As h e rea d or O ften be fore
he read there floated coloured visions across the
—
gray o f th e page faces that he had been d rawn
toward s ; one face that ha d al ways b een his
—
torment his delight that of his comrad e friend
who had not know n h im then trifl es o f the house
o r str eet a chil d cryi ng in the win d the poo r
hovelling in the filthy city the fresh air b lowing
on the hill tops The determination meth o d
Lunch ti me came then
wa s al l to no pu rpose
in th e
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W h en
2 10
Was Not Crea ted
Ev e
dinner th en bed ; an d never once h ad the gr ay
o f the pag e coloured w i th its own meaning or
at best only for a moment f or h im ; an d he saw
with a flash that it was worth l ess
Perhap s he wo uld try the natu ra l with in h im :
a day far out in th e bill s th e clean wind
whispering in spring orchard s the roun d ed
slopes of turf to lie on w i th the s un an d the
s ky f or co mpany an d th e farmers working far
below in their checkered market g ardens
”
I gi ve mys elf up to d reams and reali ty
sai d the boy ki ssing the fon d ea rth softly
Th en a s h e waited f or the v oices to flow in
and fil l him there came ins tea d the d eta ils of
h is wo rk ; th e num be r O f d ays mo re to be spent
on a thes i s ; the num b er on the yea r s examina
tion ; he ha d now but three dollars in the worl d
C oul d h e get the copying he had expected ! H is
geometry l esson must be learned to ni gh t in
order that he cou l d tutor i t in th e morning
How shabby his hat was becoming and now
there were holes in h is shoes No th e h ill tops
refused consol at ion Lea ping up angrily the
boy would hasten b ack f or it was only in flas hes
that h e could catch the words of the sunl ight
All the way he was cursing himself for a
d rivel l ing weakly fool wh o d i d not s ee wel l
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V III
T h a s occurred to me that p erhaps we may
cal l th e boy a man after these tw o yea rs It
is d iff icult to tell where the line shoul d be draw n
in th e d evelopment o f character Perhaps it is
never truly d rawn in life but all male h uman
kin d do die as truly boys a s wh en they meet
th eir first love On the whole since we have
f
o
o
o
u
o
t
use
d
t
the
ubject
h
istory
a
o
s
r
s
b
a
y
g
we may as wel l continue on with h im a s such
He wa s not yet stro ng or hand s o me P eo
m
l
mar
k
e
d
hi
as
b
ing
in
ge
n
era
l
e
e
p
usual ly
curious a nd awkward an d yet there was s ome
thing in h is face that ma de s ome O l der women
espec ially women wh o h a d seen d eep ly o f the
world to long to take him in their mother a rms
and comfort h im Th ey never dared do this
A d eep s et clear reserve shone cal ml y out f rom
behin d h is s parkling confi dential eyes that
made h i m live alon e Th e yea rning moth er
arms were always forced to d rop in a bject help
lessness unti l they learned to forget their in
s tinct O f lovingness
Forgetting is not a diffi
cult process f or the human h ea rt especia lly
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2 12
The
H is tory of
a
Parad ox
2 13
when it h a s the luck to pass thro ugh the g ate O f
substitution S O it w a s th at the man boy came
to b e left alone p erhap s even more th a n h e
s o metimes wished
And yet he w a s never s i
l ent morose or gloomy Men always thought
he talked by far too much an d O ften fought
against his confi dences They were the fools in
thinking what he g ave were confi den ces F or
them they would have been but this man s na
ture flowed deeper
The time had come when he shoul d g o to
foreign lands He ha d no money or mea ns O f
any kind but that he s aid simply w as no mat
ter he w ould g o and work his way That
woul d be life in deed after the stupidity of set
tasks in college He knew now well enough
of the sloth and doubting O f his disposition
If I throw myself pennil ess upon a stra ng e
”
society that spea ks an unknown tongue sai d
”
the boy perhaps it will arouse me to action
”
What boldness and courage he has sai d
all wh o knew him It was not that at all it w as
fear an d w eakness that d rove him to th e point
the boy kn ew very well
Nor was it foolhard ines s or a dventure that
s ent h im b ut p lain necessity
Th e boy mus t
s ee s ome of th e great a rt
Tha t wa s h is need
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Ev e
W h en
2 14
Was Not Created
imperati ve as breath He ha d no mean s ; he
cou ld not wait to earn : hi s life deman ded g o
He worked three months f or wage then took
passage across the s ea with a ga ng O f lowest
workmen on a cattle boat and trusted that he
fin d mo re work before his wage wa s spent
When he should sicken most O f the fil thy life O f
his mates the workmen he had told himsel f at
s ta rting that he might then be le d to help them
He knew that none O f his sympathies coul d be
aro used unless he were compelled to share their
bitternes s and wh o ought more to share the
bitterness and make it sweet than he ! F or were
not these of the gang his brothers !
Was not
he a child of the people !
In this attempt he failed The stench both
moral an d material of these men sickened him
and made him hate them wi th the fi endis h nes s
of hell eternal F or full three weeks h i s fever
was at such heat that coul d he have a nnihilated
the souls of these men he woul d have done it
calmly : and yet he al ways smiled an d seemed
most kin d among them Often he di d a
shirker s work and double d up his own with out
He is the gentlest and kindes t of
a murmur
”
the crew they all sai d when they mea nt he
was the most beloved
He is goo d too an d
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W h en
2 16
Ev e
Was Not Created
age who wished to know O f a picture and spoke
to the boy in his own native tongue
The O ld
s oun d s warmed the boy to eloquence and he
This
s poke ou t feelingful about the picture
was the beginning of their friends hip which
lasted but three days since the kin dly ma n s
hour was set for sailing Before they parted the
kindly man knew all th e story There were few
words till the last and then taking the boy s
limp han d s in both his own he talked to him
ea r nestly o f duty
The boy must go on s tudy
ing his art th e kindly man said
He owed it
to himself an d to society He might live if he
chose with the people ; he might spend as l ittle
a s h e liked ; b ut that little he must not coul d
not ea rn He had not the time or power He
mus t in short a ccept help from him
Then the man spoke qui etly of h imself He
ha d no one to cal l on him f or money ; he never
had ha d many His life was easy to him
through his luck and not through any eEort o f
h is own Steadily he pleade d with the boy that
h e sh oul d take his help and finish his yea r o f
a
a
n
d
a
o
i
t
re
Then
he
might
home
in
s
c
u
g
g
p
live as he chose with h is people
Wh en the time f or sail i ng came h e left th e
boy s ta r i ng dumbly w i th th e cr i s pnes s of new
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Th e
H is tory of
a
Paradox
2 17
paper in his hand and the bitterness that he had
failed again in his heart and the thought that
even his friends woul d not spea k of him as
successful
The boy did not go to th e pictures that after
noon He walked Out far to the barren plain s
that were his home and when the lonely silence
was his horizon he lay his man s full l ength
face downward on the ground and it seemed
that the earth sobbed with him
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I!
UL L V I G O R E D
the man ca me back and
gave himself to his life work The fiel d was
wide around him C hoosing a center city he
placed himself in the thick O f its problems an d
said he would work among them Shal l w e
write O f a final failure !
He saw the needs he O ften sa w the remedies
as well ; he gave much of his time to advance
them but his hea rt was otherwhere It seemed
to him he lo nger had no heart His life was
burned quite ou t
If he went to a grea t meeting where the mass
needed enthusiasm and exhortation it was not
in him to participate in either Listen ing for
the most vita l points his thoughts were O ften
wan dering Perhaps it w a s a woman s care
stained face in the crowd perhaps the vulga ri
ties O f a speaker Aimless he wand ered up and
do wn the streets and saw no place to put h is
hand s to work
Sometimes the Old fire burned up f or a time
and it seemed there was hope forthcoming If
he was walking th e murky s treets at nig h t
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2 18
W hen
2 20
Ev e
Was Not Created
”
How wise and sweet an d strong he is
they would say when he was gone
He has
helped us over the hardest place and has mad e
all life seem nobler And think what he does
a s well !
There is a second man s work a c
complished after the writing O f his books The
whole wide city has come to know and love
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’
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h im
”
.
But the man worn an d wea ry with his idle
ness was thinking d rowsily in his dejection :
I have come to more hope than all in the
vigor of my youth I now see clea rly and
thankfully that others will carry wo rk through :
and that I the lea st of them all will follow and
”
fal l whi l e they co nquer
You may think this is a strange un s atis
factory en d ing to our history ; but remember
that it is not an ending at lea st not more than
Each chapter in
w a s written in the begi nning
this short account has ended in itself It is
monotonous is it no t that all ha ve been the
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l3