Communicating about Sexual Behaviors
Refusal Skills
Skill: Communicating
Content: Sexual behavior
Method: Role-playing
Materials:
Lee and Lee Role-Plays
“At a Party” partially scripted role-play
Observer Checklist
1. Review effective communication
Effective Communication
Passive—giving in and saying ‘yes’ when you don’t really want to. Not speaking up
when you want something. Acting this way in order to be liked, to be nice or not hurt the
other person’s feelings.
(Look nervous and softly mumble something like, “Could you, uh, could I uh,
would you mind if I borrowed your pen, please?”)
Aggressive— trying to get your own way or stand up for yourself by putting someone
else down or violating that person’s rights. Taking what you want. Threatening or forcing
a person to give you something.
(In a gruff tone of voice, say something like: “Give me your pen. I don’t pen, and I need
to borrow one.”)
Assertive—giving people an honest ‘no’ to things you don’t want. Asking straight for
what you do want without putting them down. Not using other people and not letting
yourself be used. (Look the person in the eyes, smile in a non-threatening manner. In a
calm clear voice, say something like, “I need a pen for this next exercise. May I borrow
yours?”)
2. Review Effective Refusals
1. Say “No” in a tone of voice that shows you mean it
2. Repeat the “No” if you need to (be friendly but firm)
3. Suggest something different.
4. Use body language that says “No”
5. Build the relationship or walk away from the situation
3. Teacher role-plays Lee and Lee (ineffective version). Process what didn’t work in this roleplay.
4. Teacher role-plays Lee and Lee (effective version). Process what worked in this role-play.
Identify the pieces of effective refusals that were present in the role-play.
NOTE:
*It’s Important to decide how you feel ahead of time.
*It’s a lot easier to say no to someone you don’t like. It’s a lot harder to say no to someone you
like a lot or love.
5. Distribute the partially scripted role play, “At a Party” and instruct students to write their best
refusals.
6. In groups of 3, students practice their role-plays, with the third person using the Observer
Checklist.
7.
Ask for volunteers to role play their scripts in front of the larger group.
Sources:
 Barth, R.P. (2004). Reducing The Risk: Building Skills to Prevent Pregnancy, STD and
HIV. ETR Associates: Scotts Valley, California

Toner, P.R. (1993). Just for the Health of It Health Curriculum Activities Library :
Relationships and Communication Activities. Center for Applied Research in Education:
West Nyack, New York.

Streetwise to Sex-Wise (1993)