Perfectionism #2
Concerns around perfectionism are frequently brought to my attention from both you as parents
and our teachers. In December, I began reading and reviewing the ‘Educational Map and Review’
that each of you received for your youngster. I clearly heard teachers describing this characteristic.
Their astute, professional understanding was evident. They understand, and recognizing
perfectionistic tendencies. Their support of our youngsters heartens me.
Read these excerpts from the most recent narratives. Then read them after you have had time to
reflect on the attached article, Real Learning: Meet the Perfectionists by Lisa Natcharian. I believe you
will be impressed by the sophistication of teacher craft at CSA/CSPA.
Written about first year Navigators:
“…..is challenging himself more often. He is attempting work that often takes him a little
longer to understand and complete, but we are praising him for his effort and persistence. We
will continue to support him in taking academic risks and help him understand that not
knowing the answer right away and making mistakes are ways that we make intellectual
growth.”
“….often chooses complex and challenging nonfiction texts to keep for reading in her book
bag. In math, she is beginning to choose more advanced math work and seems to be adapting
to the idea that she does not necessarily need to know all the answers.”
Written about second year middle schoolers:
“…Now that he is realizing he can take these chances, choosing a more rigorous project for
science or selecting an especially challenging writing prompt to address and concurrently find
success, he seems to be visibly enjoying school and his coursework. He is beginning to
understand the opportunity that can be found in taking risks and learning from his mistakes.
This will help him to further realize his intellectual ability and understand that he can turn every
academic situation into an opportunity.”
“….There have been times in math when he had the wrong line of thinking on a concept
check, and I worried he would fall back on perfectionistic tendencies and shut down. However
in times like these, he demonstrates perseverance; he will never give up regardless of the
complexity of what he is being asked to do, and he does an excellent job asking questions or
seeking clarification when needed.”
In Disney’s move Meet the Robinsons, imagination, creativity, inventions, mistakes, and ultimately
dysfunctional perfectionism all surround Lewis, an orphan with a knack for designing inventions.
Lewis begins to equate success in inventing with his self-worth. His belief in seeing himself as a
failure is turned around when he meets Wilbur’s family described as a motley collection of a dozen
relatives, all inventors who view mistakes as part of the normal scheme of things. Without mistakes,
no progress would ever be made! Their motto is “Keep moving forward.” What a great piece of
bibliotherapy!
I particularly appreciate Ms. Natcharian’s use of healthy and unhealthy perfectionism. Simply, healthy
perfectionism means setting high goals or standards for oneself. This, in CSA vocabulary, equates to
setting high expectations. Unhealthy perfectionism occurs when the goals are so high as to be
impossible.
Many of you will relate to the following:
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Dichotomous thinking; seeing the world in only black and white without any shades of gray;
"Oh, I'm not good at that" as if s/he should already know how to be successful;
"I'll get to that later," as a procrastination tool to not try;
"That’s boring," when in fact they are fearful of trying something new;
Looking at the world through a different lens resulting in being critical and impatient of
others.
We must teach our children that learning is a process that by definition involves mistakes. We must
change the focus to highlight the process and move forward and away from the perfect product. The
author suggests two gifts we can give our children. The first is permission to make mistakes. The
second is making sure they understand that we expect progress not perfection. Keep moving
forward!
This matches all our work with the Growth Mindset. It is effort and practice that result in the kinds of
accomplishment that gives one inner satisfaction. It also speaks to almost all the Habits of Mind;
development of persistence, taking responsible risks, thinking flexibly, creating, imaging, innovating,
and responding with wonderment and awe among others!
As always, I appreciate your reflections and your stories.