Love and breaking
up in the age of
social media
Gemma Nicholls, senior associate and
family solicitor at Henmans Freeth LLP,
considers the impact of social media
on our relationships.
It was a familiar story of boy meets girl
and asks her for a date, but in the story
of celebrity Melanie Sykes and roofer
Jack Cockings the twist came when this
all took place on Twitter, before the eyes
of hundreds of thousands of followers.
When this couple, previously strangers to
each other, began an innocent exchange
of tweets they may not have anticipated it
would lead to a string of sexually charged
messages between them on the website
and whilst they married in May 2013,
their recent separation has again brought
them into the press and social media.
Whilst Melanie and Jack are an extreme
example of a relationship taking place
in public online, with social networking
playing a full role in our lives they are not
alone in finding love online. I regularly
hear from people having first started their
relationship with their partner by meeting
them through the internet. Within the EU
we are among the highest users of social
media with almost 60% of us regularly
using social networking sites like Twitter,
Facebook, and LinkedIn. Facebook
itself has apparently brought us within 4
people/connections away from knowing
someone.
Having made a new friend online it is
easy and quick to stay in touch and
build a close relationship, regardless of
geographical distances, particularly when
over half of us use our mobile phones to
access the internet. Wherever we are,
whatever we are doing, we can stay in
contact with our online networks at the
touch of a button.
Sadly as a family lawyer I also hear about
how social media has pulled couples
apart. For some, their partner spends
hours on their phone or laptop without
attempting to have a conversation with
them, using the internet as a distraction
from dealing with issues that may be
closer to home. For others, wider social
networks have brought them back in
touch with long lost friends with whom
they feel a closer connection than their
spouse or partner, leading them to
realise that their relationship is over. We
are moving into a world where the couple
that ‘social networks’ together seems to
be the couple that stays together.
a need to be selective about how we
use social media. Information can be
quickly spread amongst a wide circle of
contacts. A lot of the time this is good
as we all keep in touch with each other.
On the reverse side, forgetting who is
within those networks, and so seeing
that information, can be devastating. For
example I have known for a husband to
start up and develop an affair through
Facebook wall messages with an old
flame, all witnessed by his wife, who was
one of his Facebook ‘friends’.
The impact of the network of connections
created by social media cannot be
underestimated and with this comes
The need to think carefully before using
social media escalates if a couple
separates, where difficult situations can
be inflamed by either person posting
inappropriate online comments. The
urge to create a post that aggravates
a former partner can be acted upon in
seconds and whilst the reasons for the
posting may be understandable and
provide a sense of satisfaction at the
time, ultimately it can lead to regrets as it
may make it harder to deal with matters
amicably and result in increased legal
fees. It is safe to assume that a former
partner will see or hear about anything
that is posted online.
Take, for example, the situation where
someone makes negative remarks about
their former partner online, calling them
offensive names and/or posting all of the
reasons that have led them to decide
their marriage is at an end. At the very
least the anger and possible retaliation
this will provoke will mean the parties find
it difficult to be able to discuss matters
together in future and instead it is likely
to result in unnecessary letters passing
between their solicitors to try to prevent
this happening again in future. It may
also lead to an application by the victim
to the court for an order to stop such
behaviour against the person who made
the remarks. Additionally the internet
pages can easily be printed out and
used as evidence, which will not cast
the person who made the remarks in a
favourable light if the case goes to court.
Another example is misuse of social
media where one of the couple owns a
business and their former partner feels
disgruntled about their recent behaviour
so tracks down and posts information
about the business owner’s financial
matters online. Obtaining the information
itself by opening that person’s post or
accessing information on their computer
would be an invasion of privacy which
could lead to not only having to pay
that person’s legal costs but also a
criminal conviction that could result in
imprisonment.
Such public posts are likely to be
embarrassing for both parties in their
workplaces, and potentially damaging
to their careers, if colleagues see the
information, but in addition to this there
would be a risk of liability if posting the
information is a breach of confidentiality
and/or if it causes damage to the
business operation or valuation as a
result. These risks are also present in
the situation where one person feels
passionate about matters and emails
their partner with abuse using work email
addresses. Such emails are not always
private and are potentially in breach of
company policies such as for computer
use and good conduct, which could lead
to disciplinary procedures.
A final example is where someone
posts about a successful business deal
knowing their former partner will see
that post. In this way they may be trying
upset or irritate their former partner or
just show them how well they are doing.
In fact such a post may cause their
former partner to seek extra investigation
into that person’s finances and possibly
increase the claims they make during
financial settlement negotiations. In
practice I have known wives who
considerably strengthened their position
in such negotiations by finding out online
about company sales or successful
planning permission applications that
gave their husband significant income,
which had not previously been taken into
account.
However, there are ways that social
media and emails can be put to
good use in such circumstances.
Emails themselves give separated
couples the ability to quickly and
conveniently communicate with each
other, for example about the day to day
arrangements for their children, and
social media like Skype allows children
to keep in contact with either of their
parents whenever they are not staying
overnight with them.
If you or anyone you know are separating
and would find it helpful to receive advice
on dealing with matters reasonably,
especially where children are involved,
or would like to discuss any of the issues
raised in this article, please call or email
Gemma Nicholls on 01865 781115
or [email protected] (or
follow her on twitter at @nicholls_gemma).
Please also contact Gemma if you
would like to receive one of the
following free guides:
1. How do I get a divorce?
2. How do I sort out my finances?
3. What if I have to go to court?
4. Arrangements for Children
5. Pre-nuptial agreements
6. Cohabitation
7. Civil Partnerships
8. Fixed fee divorce
Gemma Nicholls, Senior Associate