Tlayuda/Toyota
by
Michael Licwinko
2017
[email protected]
CHARACTERS
Ray, a late 20’s American, fit and good looking
Blanca, a late 20’s Mexican, very attractive
PLACE
A side-of-the-road restaurant in a rural area in Mexico
TIME
The present
1.
(Lights up on two small tables with two or three
chairs at each. A chalk written menu hangs on
the wall listing 4 or 5 food offerings in Spanish.
A radio plays Mexican music. BLANCA,
dressed casually and wearing a traditional
Zapotec apron, sits at a table and reads a
magazine. RAY, his t-shirt sweat soaked and
his face a little grimy, enters and stops as he
wipes his face with a small towel)
RAY
Oh my god, food. Finally. (To Blanca) Hello, uh, hola.
BLANCA
Hola. ¿Cómo estás?
RAY
I’m fine. Ok. Buena. No, Bueno. She’s a girl so maybe buena, but I’m a man, so maybe
bueno. Speaker or spoken to. Dammit! I’m fine, thanks. Wow, you’re beautiful.
BLANCA
Boo-ti-ful. Ah, bonita. ¿sí?
RAY
I don’t know bonita. But, you are definitley beautiful, hot. Uh, like Salma Hayek.
BLANCA
Yo? Como Salma Hayek? Conoces Salma Hayek?
RAY
Co-no says? Cono-six? Uh, no comprendo.
BLANCA
Pareces cansado.
RAY
What?
BLANCA
Pareces cansado.
RAY
This is not good. Do you speak English? (pronounces the ‘h’) Haba English?
2.
BLANCA
No hablo Inglés.
RAY
Dammit. Oh, wait. Uno monumento. (Takes a cell phone from his backpack) Do you
have WiFi?
BLANCA
No wee-fee. Lo siento.
RAY
Shit.
(RAY puts the phone back in the backpack and
rummages for something else)
BLANCA
¿Hablas español?
RAY
No.
BLANCA
¿Un poquito?
RAY
¿Poquito?
BLANCA
(putting her thumb and forefinger close together) Poquito. Un poquito.
RAY
Small? Close? Little?
(RAY rummages in his backpack again)
Great. Just freakin’ great. I lost my notebook. I need food. (gestures eating) Food. Food.
BLANCA
¿Alimento?
RAY
What’s alimento? No, I want food. You know, tacos, enchiladas.
BLANCA
No tacos. No enchiladas. Tenemos sincronizadas, enfrijoladas y tlayudas.
3.
Toyotas? I’m hungry enough to eat one.
RAY
(RAY sits and drinks from a bottle of water he
took from his backpack)
I’ll be adios-ing in a minute. (waving) Just let me rest for a minute.
BLANCA
¿Cómo se llama?
RAY
Ah, finally something I understand. My se llama is Ray.
BLANCA
Ray?
RAY
Ray. R-A-Y. Ray. Like a ray of sun.
BLANCA
Ray. Soy Blanca.
RAY
Soy Blanca. Interesting name.
BLANCA
No soy Blanca. Solo Blanca.
RAY
Ok, Solo Blanca. I must have misunderstood.
BLANCA
No, no. Soy Blanca, pero no Soy Blanca. Solo Blanca.
(RAY is totally confused)
RAY
You know what? I’m just going to call you Blanca. It’s easier. And my favorite movie is
Casablanca.
BLANCA
¿Qué?
Ok? No, it’s great! A real love story.
RAY
4.
(BLANCA smiles and nods)
(RAY gestures as needed during the following) This has not been my best day. I started
on a hike this morning, you know, walking, in the mountains. But, I never found the
village I was looking for. You know village, right? Small place, only a few people, not
many houses. Dammit, what’s that word? Uno suicide?
BLANCA
Ciudad?
RAY
Right, that. Siu-side. So, I’ve been walking for hours trying to find someone to help me.
You don’t understand anything I’m saying do you? Let’s try food again. Do you have
eggs?
BLANCA
Ex?
RAY
Yeah, ex. Like from a chicken.
(RAY walks like a chicken while clucking. He
gestures that eggs fall from his butt)
BLANCA
(laughing) Ah, huevos.
RAY
Yeah, ey-bos. Do you have ey-bos?
BLANCA
No tengo huevos. Lo siento.
RAY
Ok, how about that Toyota?
BLANCA
Toy?—oh, tlayuda.
RAY
Toyota, tlayuda. Sí.
BLANCA
Tienes comer una tlayuda?
5.
RAY
What’s in it? (No response) This is useless. Where can I find a bus? (More gestures)
Big car. Many people.
BLANCA
¿Autobús?
RAY
Ok, that’s probably it. To Puerto Escondido. La mer, mar, more. The ocean.
BLANCA
Sí. Mañana por la mañana a las ocho.
RAY
Tomorrow, tomorrow, eight. Two days from now?
BLANCA
Autobús. Mañana por—
RAY
I know, I know. Mañana, mañana. What about a hotel? Maybe somebody speaks
English there. Hotel here?
BLANCA
¿Hotel? ¿Quieres un hotel?
RAY
Yes. Sí, sí. You have a hotel?
BLANCA
No hotel. Lo siento.
RAY
Okay. Adiós.
(RAY puts on his backpack and exits. BLANCA
waits a few seconds, moves towards the exit
and stops)
BLANCA
Hey, Ray. I thought you wanted a tlayuda.
(RAY enters)
6.
What the hell? All this time you knew…
RAY
BLANCA
I’m sorry, it’s just my way of having some wicked fun. It’s gets boring up here.
RAY
Fun for you, maybe.
BLANCA
Have a seat over here.
(THEY both sit)
When I first arrived in America, Colorado, I knew everybody would expect me to speak
English. Fair enough. So, I learned enough to get by before I went. Now, when I see
foreigners in Mexico who can’t speak Spanish. I can’t resist.
Why’d you come back?
RAY
BLANCA
Family.
RAY
You end up helping all of us idiots?
BLANCA
No.
RAY
Why me?
BLANCA
Porque tienes ojos azules magníficos.
RAY
What?
BLANCA
Never mind. One tlayuda coming up.
(Lights down)
THE END