Newsletter
April 2016
To all those newly bereaved, who are receiving this
newsletter for the first time and to all our
Compassionate Friends, we wish you were not eligible
to belong to this group, but we want you to know that
you and your family have many friends. We, who
received love and compassion from others in our time
of deep sorrow, now wish to offer the same support
and understanding to you. Please know we
understand, we care, and we want to help. You are
not alone in your grief.
Meetings are held the 1st Monday and 3rd
Wednesday of each month at the Aldersgate
Methodist Church, 235 Park Street, North Reading at
7:30 P.M. We are a self-sustaining organization with
no funds except what we receive through donations
from members and newsletter recipients. Please join
with us at a meeting.
Upcoming Meetings
Mon. 4/4/16- Circumstances of Our Loss
(Panel Presentation)
Facilitated by Cheryl C.
Panelists: Reenie, Art, Regan & Stacy
Wed. 4/20/16
Open Sharing Session
Facilitated by: Art & Carmen
and
Wed. 4/20/16 Sibling Group- WWSDS?
(What would sibling do or say)
Facilitated by Vanessa & Chanel
Chapter Leader:
Newsletter Editor:
David Paul
603-236-1561
Debbie Daly
978-988-7933
[email protected]
Regional Coordinator: Tom Morse
508-572-3038
[email protected]
Grief support after the death of a child
The April Website is sponsored
The Compassionate Friends is a national
nonprofit, self-help support organization that offers
friendship, understanding, and hope to bereaved
parents, grandparents and siblings. There is no
religious affiliation and there are no membership dues
or fees.
The secret of TCF's success is simple: As
seasoned grievers reach out to the newly bereaved,
energy that has been directed inward begins to flow
outward and both are helped to heal.
In memory of
RYAN J. GILLIGAN
Goodbye, there’s just no sadder word to say
And it’s sad to walk away
With just the memories
(Excerpt from the song “Please Remember” by Leann Rimes)
Happy 26th Birthday!
Love, Mom
The vision of The Compassionate Friends is that
everyone who needs us will find us and everyone who
finds us will be helped.
National Office:
The Compassionate Friends, Inc.
P. O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
Toll-free: 877-969-0010
PH: 630-990-0010
FAX: 630-990-0246
www.thecompassionatefriends.org
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-andALEXANDER WHIPPLE
April 1, it will be 5 long years
since we last held you in our arms.
We love you and miss you every day.
Love, Mommy, Daddy, Julia & Elizabeth
TCF North Shore – Boston
April 2016
Our Children Remembered
*******************************************************************
April Birthdays
Samantha Rose Baer granddaughter of Ruth and Martin Baer
Dominic Cordima son of Tom and Mary Cordima
James Steven (Jimmy) Corliss son of Linda Corliss
Ryan James Gilligan son of Paula Gilligan
Thomas "Scott" Gray son of Laura Gray
Bryan Daniel Kelly son of Susan & Raymond Kelly
Mason Silva son of Alissa and Kevin Silva
April Angel Dates
Jennifer Gianocostas daughter of Skip Gianocostas and stepdaughter of Diane Gianocostas
Eric Hill son of Peggy &Tom Hill
Ricardo Melo son of David & Theresa Melo
Christopher W. Hentchel son of Melody Orfei and David Hentchel
Reid Robert Sacco son of Gene & Lorraine Sacco
Mason Silva son of Alissa and Kevin Silva
Alexander John Whipple son of Richard and Nancy Whipple
Brian T Wilson son of Linda Wilson
Bryan Robert Cadigan son of Debbie Daly
As a regular feature, the newsletter is used to acknowledge the Birthdays and Anniversaries of
the death of our children/siblings at the request of parents/siblings. Permission must be given
for us to print your child’s name. For privacy reasons we do not print dates. You only need to
give permission once and we will keep it on record.
Childs Name: _____________________________ Birth Date: _________ Angel
Date:__________
Parents: __________________________________________________________________
Send to: Debbie Daly 902 Pouliot Place, Wilmington, MA 01887
Note: If your child’s information is missing or not correct please send the correct data to be
posted in the next edition to: [email protected]
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TCF North Shore – Boston
April 2016
Meeting Reflections
Grief’s Emotions
During a recent meeting, when the men and women formed separate groups, some strong emotions surfaced in the women’s
session.
We spoke of the deep love we have for our children and how special they are to us. We remembered their unique qualities
and the ways they stood out as individuals. Certain members of the group had premonitions that something might happen to
their child. They wondered whether their fear of imminent loss sprang from their close attachment to their child, or from
certain qualities that the child possessed. We cannot know these things for certain. Our memories are precious, yet tinged
with regrets.
We voiced our anger at losing our child. We are angry about the circumstances surrounding their death. We feel anger
towards ourselves and others for being unable to prevent it. We are upset with those whose lives are still intact, and who do
not suffer as we do. When others experience the joy of new life or milestones, we are reminded of what we have lost. Life
seems to have dealt a severely unfair blow to us, to our immediate family and especially to our child.
It was suggested that we need to accept the things we cannot change, as well as the fact that there was nothing we could do
to save our child. Such acceptance is painful because it makes us feel powerless and contradicts our instincts as parents.
Acceptance also creates the pain of knowing that nothing can bring our beloved son or daughter back into our lives.
We cannot ignore these often conflicting emotions. Somehow we must work through the anger and pain, while holding on to
the love. Other parents who are going through the experience of having lost a child can often help us cope during this most
difficult time. We should not be ashamed to ask for help, or to express our feelings when it feels safe to do so. Hopefully, we
can emerge scarred but intact, with a new sense of purpose, while we continue to preserve the memory of our child. No one
said it would be easy, but we owe it to ourselves to try to work through grief’s emotions as best we can.
Eventually, we will see a change. A part of us died with our child, but a part of us is being reborn, as we emerge from the
cocoon of our grief. We hope to have the strength to nurture and protect our emerging selves. Perhaps, in time, we will be
able to help other bereaved parents who are trying to understand and cope with new grief.
Mariann Lindquist
*****************************************************************************************************************************
Don’t Miss the TCF North Shore-Boston Annual Balloon Release and Dessert Social
Our Annual Balloon Release will be held this year on our regular Monday meeting night, June 6, 2016
Please plan to arrive by 6:30 PM
After a brief outdoor ceremony in the parking lot we will release balloons in unison in memory of our children. We will provide
one helium balloon for each family in attendance. Markers will be available for you to write your child’s name and/or a message
on the balloon prior to the ceremony.
After the balloon release, we will gather in the foyer of the church for a simple meal and social hour. The chapter will provide
sandwiches, beverages and paper goods. We invite everyone to bring their favorite dessert to share with the group.
We will also have the “Remembering Our Children” slide show running throughout the social. If you would like to include your
child, please email up to three photographs to Cindi Bolivar at [email protected]. Pictures should be 5”x7” or smaller and
must be received by May 25th in order to be included in the slide show. Please send the following information with the picture:
child’s name, birth and death dates, and age at time of death.
There will be a sharing session beginning at 8:00 pm for those who would like to attend a regular meeting. Please feel free to
attend one or the other, or both, if needed. If you have any questions or would like additional information about this event, feel
free to contact our chapter leader, David Paul, by email at [email protected], or by phone at 978-771-6345.
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TCF North Shore – Boston
April 2016
For those of you who celebrate Easter
may you find this poem comforting!
DAFFODILS
In the Spring, I will bring daffodils to you with a prayer.
After the cold, snowy winter is over and gone,
I will sit on the grass
and sing the songs that we have shared,
knowing that your boundless spirit lives on.
I’ve walked the path of sorrow. It’s helped me to grow.
Through the tears have come my strength and my healing.
My heart, once wounded and broken,
is mended and filled with deep love for everyone in all that I
do.
And every warm, sunny Spring,
I will bring yellow daffodils,
and cherish the memories of you.
~ Sharon Corder, TCF/Inland Empire, CA
.
Note from the Editor
I wanted to take a moment and thank Cindi Bolivar for her 12 years of dedication producing the
North Shore Boston Chapter Newsletter.
Your time and efforts were certainly appreciated by everyone involved in this special group. You
mentioned that it helped you with your healing process and I hope I too can find peace and
solaceinmypersonalpath.ThankyouforthiswonderfulopportunityandI’msureI’llhavemany
morequestionssopleasedon’tgotoofar!
Thanks,
Debbie
(Debbie Daly)
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TCF North Shore – Boston
April 2016
Our telephone friends are here to help you if you feel the need
to connect with someone outside of our usual meeting night.
We are not professionals – we are all bereaved parents
seeking to find a way through our grief.
Please be considerate in the timing of your calls to these
volunteers.
Beverly
Billerica
Lynn
Marshfield
Malden
North Andover
New Bedford, MA
North Reading
Reading
Winchester
Melrose
Campton, NH
Carmen Pope, infant son, anencephaly; 11 year old son, boating
accident
Jeff Moore, son 17, moped accident
Pat Karakashian, son, 29, drug Overdose
Trudy Sevier,daughter, 27, suicide
Marnie Smithers, son 13, ATV Accident
Catherine Olson, daughter, 27, pedestrian accident
Steve Robinson, daughter, 24, domestic violence
Margo Vogis, son, 20, automobile accident
Reggie & Cindi Bolivar, son 22, automobile accident
Reenie McCormack, son 20, drowning
Wayne Patick, son 22, suicide; intentional heroin overdose
Melinda & David Paul, daughter, 20, sudden cardiac arrest
978-998-4087
978-663-8539
781-593-5875
617-791-0439
781-322-1722
978-681-8341
508-728-4040
978-664-0688
781-944-0016
781-729-1878
781-662-9094
603-236-1561
*****************************************************************************************************************************
Frequently Asked Questions
What gives you comfort in your deepest days of sorrow? Some people visit the cemetary, some people pray, some people
look for signs. Whatever you think has helped you, please share your ideas or stories with us so we may start a
conversation that could possibly help others. How would you respond? Please send all responses to:
[email protected]
SOME DAYS
Some days when I write down thoughts I have, it awakens feelings and I ache again. Other days I need to shelve my thoughts or
put them away. Perhaps that’s the way grief EVENTUALLY works on us too. Some days we need to take it out and examine an
aspect of it. Perhaps it’s something that’s never struck us before as being connected to it; where we can weep over it and then that
frees us to put it away, tuck it away deep inside our hearts again.
I capitalize the word EVENTUALLY because it has taken me three long years since Heidi’s death to even want to put the grief
aside; to reach that point where I’m tired of the sadness and the sorrowful memories. Now I want to be free of my grief, the tears,
the longing, without letting go of Heidi and the part of me, that pain in my heart that needs to ache forever.
This is a very positive time for me. Like all the stages of grief, it didn’t just happen. “BOOM! I want to be free.” It’s been brewing
slowly since her third anniversary, a feeling that slowly approached and gently held out its arms for the grief and I was ready to give
it up.
~ Susan Borrowman, TCF/Kingston, ON
In Memory of Heidi Stewart Borrowman
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TCF North Shore – Boston
April 2016
This section is dedicated to all our children/siblings/grandchildren. It is a space where you may
submit a note to or for your child to remember them on a special day/date. We do ask for a
donation of any amount for this space to help defer the cost of producing and mailing this
newsletter.
From you
Debbie
Daly.
loving memory
Bryan Cadigan,
and only
son and the best
Thank
to all
whoIncontinue
to leaveofdonations
in the my
boxone
at every
meeting.
father God ever created, on his second anniversary. Love, Mom, Katie, Molly, Shannon and
Danny. We miss you every second of every day and I welcome the day that I can see your
beautiful face again and hold you in my arms. You are with us always in our hearts and souls. I
don’t let a day go by without speaking of you to your children. They love the Daddy stories.
PLEASE NOTE THE DEADLINES FOR SUBMISSIONS:
Love Notes are a way to share a message in memory of your child/grandchild/sibling. Donations
received with Love notes help with the cost of publication of this newsletter.
Please send your Love Notes with donation by mail to TCF No Shore/Boston, PO BOX 1117,
Billerica MA 01821. (do NOT send them to the editor), or give them to the leader at the monthly
meetings. Please use the form below to assure notes are posted exactly as you want them.
Love Notes for the May newsletter must be received by the 15th of April
Love Gifts for future dates may be sent at any time; month to be published: _______________
Love Gift from _______________________________ In memory of ____________________________________________
Message: ______________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
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TCF North Shore – Boston
April 2016
TO OUR NEW MEMBERS
Coming to your first meeting is the hardest thing to do. Try not to judge your first meeting as to whether
or not TCF will work for you. The second, third, or fourth meeting might be the time you will find the right
person or just the right words that will help you in your grief or comfort you. Remember we have all been
there and even though circumstances may be different we really do understand. You are not alone.
TO OUR SEASONED MEMBERS
We need your encouragement and support. You are the string that ties our group together. Each meeting
we have new parents. Think back…. remember hearing from others farther along than you…“your pain
will not always be this bad it really does get better” Come to the meetings and share your wisdom. Show
others that there is hope, from someone who has found it.
THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
North Shore/Boston Chapter
PO BOX 1117
Billerica, MA 01821-0961
RETURN SERVICE REQUESTED
DATED MATERIALS
PLEASE FORWARD
NEWSLETTER – April 2016
National Website: www.compassionatefriends.org
The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief
following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive.
****** CHAPTER WEBSITE: www.TCFNoShore-Boston.org ********
Help us save money and paper......
To receive these newsletters via email please send an email to the editor.
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TCF North Shore – Boston
April 2016