THE BIG INTERVIEW: MELISSA
ETHERIDGE
Episode Number: 05
Episode Title: Melissa Etheridge
Description: We sit down with legendary singer Melissa Etheridge whose intimate lyrics
and signature voice have made her a rock and roll icon. In a candid conversation
Etheridge discusses her music, gay rights, cancer and even the little bit of hot water she
got into recently over comments about Angelina Jolie.
ACT 1
DAN RATHER (VOICE OVER)
TONIGHT ON THE BIG INTERVIEW… LEGENDARY SINGER/SONGWRITER
AND ROCK STAR, MELISSA ETHERIDGE
RATHER
If we could only talk about one thing today, what would that be?
MELISSA ETHERIDGE
I mean I could say music, I could say where gay rights has - has come, we could talk
about cancer, believe me, I’ll talk about anything with you.
ETHERIDGE (singing)
Come to my window
RATHER (VOICE OVER)
HER INTIMATE LYRICS AND SIGNATURE VOICE HAVE MADE HER AN ICON
IN ROCK AND ROLL HISTORY
ETHERIDGE (singing)
Come to my window and I’ll be home soon. Yeah, I’m comin’ home.
RATHER (VOICE OVER)
TONIGHT -- ON THE BIG INTERVIEW
ACT 2
MELISSA ETHERIDGE (singing)
Oh is it other arms you want to hold you, the stranger...
DAN RATHER (VOICE OVER)
FOR MORE THAN THIRTY YEARS, MELISSA ETHERIDGE'S SOULFUL
PERFORMANCES HAVE BEEN CELEBRATED BY CRITICS AND FANS ALIKE…
ETHERIDGE (singing)
Come to my window...
RATHER (VOICE OVER)
HER SONG “COME TO MY WINDOW” WON HER A GRAMMY AWARD IN 1995 IT WAS HER SECOND… AND SHE’S BEEN NOMINATED 15 TIMES.
ANNOUNCER AT 2007 OSCARS
Please welcome Melissa Etheridge singing her Academy Award nominated song, “I Need
to Wake Up” from An Inconvenient Truth
ETHERIDGE (singing)
I’ve been asleep, and I need to wake up now…
JOHN TRAVOLTA
And the Oscar goes to Melissa Etheridge for “I Need to Wake Up” from “An
Inconvenient Truth”
RATHER (VOICE OVER)
THE SONG, WRITTEN FOR THE POPULAR FILM ABOUT AL GORE’S CRUSADE
AGAINST GLOBAL WARMING, MARKED THE FIRST TIME A DOCUMENTARY
HAD WON IN THIS CATEGORY.
ETHERIDGE
Let my life have been an inspiration to anyone - gay, straight, breast cancer, woman,
mother...
RATHER (VOICE OVER)
FOR DECADES, MELISSA ETHERIDGE HAS USED HER HIGH PROFILE TO
RAISE AWARENESS FOR ISSUES SHE CARES ABOUT. SHE IS A PASSIONATE
GAY RIGHTS ADVOCATE AND WAS ONE OF THE FIRST CELEBRITIES TO
OFFER THE PUBLIC A GLIMPSE OF WHAT A COMMITTED GAY
RELATIONSHIP MIGHT LOOK LIKE…
ETHERIDGE (singing)
Thinly veiled intolerance
Bigotry and hate
But they tortured you and burned you
They beat you and they tied you...
RATHER (VOICE OVER)
IN 1999, SHE RELEASED A SONG CALLED “SCARECROW” TO PAY TRIBUTE
TO MATTHEW SHEPARD, THE GAY TEENAGER FROM WYOMING WHO WAS
BRUTALLY MURDERED IN WHAT MANY SAID WAS A HATE CRIME…
AND SHE TACKLED THE SUBJECT OF GAY MOTHERHOOD ON THE COVER
OF ROLLING STONE MAGAZINE BACK IN 2000...FAMOUSLY ANNOUNCING
THAT HER FIRST TWO CHILDREN’S BIOLOGICAL FATHER WAS NONE
OTHER THAN ROCK STAR DAVID CROSBY.
SHE IS ALSO A BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR... SHE WROTE THE SONG “I RUN
FOR LIFE” FROM HER OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES WITH THE DISEASE IN
AN EFFORT TO RAISE FUNDS AND AWARENESS.
ETHERIDGE
Wanna go in my back yard?
RATHER
Sure.
ETHERIDGE
Come on. There’s lemon and lime over there and oranges…
RATHER
Well, it’s a lovely place.
ETHERIDGE
...tangerines...
RATHER (VOICE OVER)
I RECENTLY VISITED MELISSA ETHERIDGE AT HER SOUTHERN
CALIFORNIA HOME WHERE WE SAT DOWN TO TALK ABOUT HER LIFE AND
HER MUSIC.
RATHER
Well, Melissa Etheridge, thank you very much for doing this-ETHERIDGE
My plea-RATHER
--and thank you for welcoming us into your home.
ETHERIDGE
My pleasure.
RATHER
I have a lot of questions I wanna ask you. But if we could only talk about one thing
today, what would that be?
ETHERIDGE
If we could only talk about one thing. There are so many facets of this journey that I've
been on in my life that-- I mean, I could say music, I could say-- where gays rights has-has come, we could talk about cancer, we could-- I-- believe me I'll talk about anything
with you. (LAUGHTER)
RATHER
Well, journalism is all about storytelling. You're a great storyteller in your music.
ETHERIDGE
Thank you.
RATHER
So tell me the Melissa Etheridge story.
ETHERIDGE
Lord. Born in the Midwest. I think that's-- it's a big part of who I am 'cause I was born in
Kansas, Leavenworth, Kansas. My father was a high school teacher and basketball coach.
My mother worked for the Army actually. She was a civil servant. She started out kind
of a secretary then they found out that she was really good with these new things called
computers, so she became a computer programmer. (LAUGH)
So she's very intelligent and I got a-- kind of had a sporty dad and a really smart mom.
And I grew up in the '60s and '70s in the Midwest with all the things that happened. I
grew up with music, I loved it.
RATHER
Well, I want to go back to the time when you first got enthralled by music. You were
what, seven, eight? Or was it even earlier?
ETHERIDGE
I tell people the first really clear memory I have-- of my childhood even is I'm about-between two or three years old and I'm-- probably in a diaper or just a pair of pants, I
don't know. But I'm standing in the driveway and I have a transistor radio. And this
sound is comin’ out of it and it sounds like angels. And they're singing, "I want to hold
your hand," right? And it's like nothing I'd ever experienced in my whole two or three
years of life. And it was from there that-- that I was just fascinated with music. My
parents were music listeners. They-- they weren't really-- musical, but they had a great
record collection, my older sister did. So I got a lot of that and then went out there on my
own.
RATHER
And your first instrument was?
ETHERIDGE
Well, my first instrument was a guitar. Yeah, my father had brought it home for my
sister, who was four years older than me, and-- I said, "I want to play it. I want to--"
'cause I'd been wearing out the badminton racquets, you know, jumping' around
pretending and-- he went and he asked the guitar teacher, "No, it'll-- her fingers will bleed
and it-- she can't--" and I said-- I bugged them until they let me. And indeed my fingers
bled but I was bound and determined and I just-- so I started playing when I was eight
years old, guitar.
RATHER
And then what happened?
ETHERIDGE
I taught myself how to play the piano, I picked up drums, I started-- writing songs, -- and- I started writing in a very simple, like, folk-- this is early '70s, you know, folk songs.
So there was a talent contest and myself and my friends entered it and they sang-- it was
like three of us. We sang one of my original songs. And we-- we didn't win, but we got a
little trophy that I still have. It's next to my Oscar in there, so (LAUGH)
And-- We used to play at the prisons, you know, Leavenworth. We'd play at prisons and
the old folks homes. Found-- a musician in that show that had a band called the -- Chuck
Hammersmith and the Wranglers, and I started singing' country music in bars, you know,
-- I loved it. It was a life that I loved. And I've done everything you can do.
RATHER
So you finish high school and you went off to college.
ETHERIDGE
My parents were very much about college. They really wanted me to go to college. I
said, "Well, it's gotta be a music college." So we went around and we ended up -- at
Berklee College of Music in Boston. It didn't last long.
RATHER
And why didn't it last long?
ETHERIDGE
Because I was ready to take on the world. I was-- I was sitting in the classrooms and I
was learning about music and-- I wanted to do it, I wanted to play it. And so I went down
the street, down Boylston, and-- went into a restaurant that-- that had, like, a piano in the
corner.
And I said, "Can I-- you know, can I play here?" And they said, "Well, we got a guy
playing' from 9:00 to 1:00 but you want to--" I auditioned. And I had the -- I got the
cocktail hour from-- from 5:00 to 9:00 I got to play. And eventually I got the 9:00 to 1:00
slot. And I just started-- I was working, I was making money, and -- I wasn't interested in
studying, so I dropped out.
RATHER
But then you got -- the urge to move West.
ETHERIDGE
Yeah. this is-- this is late-'70s. This is '79, '80. The East Coast was filled with a sort of
rageful, dirty punk rock n' roll that I didn't relate to. I was an acoustic guitar player who
listened to Bruce Springsteen, The Eagles, Jackson Brown, Fleetwood Mac and I said,
"They're all in California. I need to go to California. I need to go to Los Angeles."
RATHER
You were at what age now?
ETHERIDGE
I'm 21 in 1982. And I-- set out in my car, I drive across America, which is-- everyone
should drive across America someday, it's a beautiful country. Got here, I had an aunt
who lived here. She let me sleep on her couch. And I started-- I thought, "Look, it
worked for me in Boston. I'm gonna find a restaurant or something' that I can just play
some music in."
RATHER
Now play some music. You're playing some of your music or but you're playing mostly
country music, or?
ETHERIDGE
At this point I had worked up quite a repertoire of-- you know, piano lounge-- piano and
guitar music. It was a combination-RATHER
Well, you started the cocktail hour after all
ETHERIDGE
Yes, and so (LAUGH) I know my Barry Manilow medley, yes I do. And-- I didn't start
playing original songs until I finally got a job here in L.A. Now it took awhile because
lots of people had the same idea that I did (LAUGH) of comin’ here to Los Angeles and
making it big and becoming a star. And so just when I was down to my last dollar I went- on a date actually down in Long Beach and went to a girls' bar down there, and there
was a piano in the corner. And I'm always looking for that.
And I said, "Well, do you have music?" They said, "Well, no we don't. We just--"
actually it used to be a steakhouse and the piano came with the steakhouse.” And I said,
"Well, can I audition and-- and set up?" And I came in and played and they said, "Hey,
why don't you play cocktail hour," again right before the disco this time. And so I-- I sort
of created my own space -- in Long Beach and ended up playing there for five years. And
I was able to then take my original music and start playing it for people. And this is--- it's
a thing that-- that I really see a lot of new artists now don't have the opportunity.
They-- they get their computers and they make-- a record and they've never sang for
anyone, (LAUGH) in front of anyone. I had years of not only playing in bars but playing
solo in front of five, ten people. And I got to try things out and go, "Well, that works, that
doesn't work." And I learned how to be an entertainer, how to be a performer. I'm so
grateful for these years that I spent really honing my craft.
RATHER
And how do you be an entertainer?
ETHERIDGE
(SIGH) Entertainment -- I think an entertainer is—has a duty to their audience to make
sure that their audience is having an experience of joy, -- or just an emotional experience.
I've never thought that-- that I was separate from them. What I do I do to engage them
energetically.
RATHER
Connect.
ETHERIDGE
Yes.
RATHER
But in order to do that, you have to give a lot of yourself. Yours is a very personal music.
You put it out there; you put it on the line. It's one of the attractions, one of the things
that's made you. But let's talk about the risks with that and the rewards of that.
ETHERIDGE
I learned when I was playing in the bars, I would write a song that I would think, "Oh,
people are gonna love this song. It sounds like what's on the radio, it's catchy, it's fun."
And I'd go in and play and no one would pay attention to it.
But then I would go write a song about something that happened to me and I would write
it for the-- just the cathartic purpose of getting it out and of feeling it. And I remember
one of the first songs I wrote way back then was a song that's on my first album called
Like the Way I Do. It was-- I was-- done wrong and I was-- I was gonna rise up above
and it was that feeling.
And I write this song and that is the first song that someone came up to me one day at the
bar and said, "Will you play that song that you wrote of yours?” The songs that people
responded to, they were always the songs that were deeply personal (LAUGH) to me.
And I thought, "That must be the key. If I can make my songs resonate with emotion and
truthfulness." I think that creates a performance or a song that then resonates with
someone else.
RATHER
They can identify with it.
ETHERIDGE
Yes.
RATHER
Maybe mostly because it's authentic.
ETHERIDGE
It's-- it's a part of art that is hard to explain to people, but I think it's important.
RATHER
You mentioned, you said you never were a drinker.
ETHERIDGE
No.
RATHER
Were you into drugs at any point?
ETHERIDGE
You know, there's a Midwestern attitude of, "You know, you play fair, you-- you do right
and that's how you get far." You know, you work hard and--
RATHER
Keep your nose clean.
ETHERIDGE
Yeah, keep your nose clean and-- and life gives you what you need. And so I always
came with that. And-- and I started playing in bars when I, you know, was 11 and 12
years old with my father. He'd come with me. And I saw what alcohol did. And it made
grownups ridiculous. And it held no mystery for me whatsoever.
RATHER
But when you get into music-ETHERIDGE
Indeed.
RATHER
--rock n' roll music-- which is in part fairly un-- fairly identified with not only drug use
but hard drug use-ETHERIDGE
It was always around me. -- it was available. I certainly, you know, dabbled in this and
that. I found that cocaine was-- I had no-- interest in, you know, chewing my face off. -it just wasn't-- it didn't-- it was never as much of a high as playing and singing and
getting that-- that natural reaction from someone.
ETHERIDGE (singing)
Baby tell me does she love you
like the way I love you?
Does she stimulate you
attract and captivate you?
Tell me does she miss you
existing just to kiss you
Like the way I do?
ACT 3
MELISSA ETHERIDGE (singing)
For tonight while I’m making excuses
Some woman is making love to you
Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see I’m burnin’ alive?
DAN RATHER
I wanna go back now, you're still in Leavenworth, Kansas and you're beginning to play.
But it's my understanding when you played in a band it was always a boy band.
ETHERIDGE
Oh, yeah.
RATHER
You were the only female in it. (LAUGH) Well, tell me about that.
ETHERIDGE
That's sort of always been my thing. And I didn't ever think about it that way. I didn't
ever think, "Oh, I'm the only girl." It didn't really come into my-- you know, my sphere
until actually put my first record out. And the-- the radio stations said, "Oh, w-- we can't
play a woman. We're already playing a woman. (LAUGH) We already have one woman
in our playlist and--" "Have-- you have a rule there's only one woman?"
And I didn't realize until then that-- that rock n ‘roll was kind of-- a man's thing. I mean-oh, I grew up and I-- I listened to Janis Joplin, I listened to Linda Ronstadt, you know,
Heart was out. There's not a lot of us but it was available. It was-- it was something I
could do. And I never ever thought, "Oh, I'm a woman, I can't do that."
RATHER
But did you ever think-- gosh, maybe I should dress like the successful women do in rock
n' roll." Get a bustier or get a teddy or (LAUGH) appear that way. Did that go through
your mind? Did you say to yourself, "Well, maybe I'll have to do that. Maybe I better do
that." And were you conflicted by that?
ETHERIDGE
Well, there was a lot of feelings goin’ into this. Entering into the '80s where I'm like,
"Okay, I'm gonna be-- a rock star. What am I gonna wear" was a big question. Now this
is the '80s where we're wearing the most ridiculous things anyway.
RATHER
Ridiculous things-- being short skirts and-ETHERIDGE
Well, I was -- still am a lesbian, and-- I was sort of anti all of that. -- When I got the job
down in Long Beach I fell in with a very eclectic lesbian women's political group. And it
was this very exciting time. So I was very much anti-- the role of women and what we're
supposed to wear. I was (WHISTLES) all the way the other side. So-- and those years
playing in the bars, oh, I just wore jeans and t-shirts and mullets, you know. (LAUGH)
That was what I was wearing. So when I did first get signed, I was so grateful and so
lucky to have Chris Blackwell of Island Records who-- he's the guy who signed me. He
owned Island Records, music mogul, signed Bob Marley, U2. And he looked at me and
he wanted the girl that he saw in the bar.
RATHER
Wearing the jeans and t-shirt.
ETHERIDGE
Wearing the jeans and t-shirt. He did not want anything else. So that-- a lot has to do
with him and my manager. They didn't ever, ever, ever, ever try to tell me what to wear
or how to do it. They-- and that's pretty great for guys back in the '80s who were tryin' to
make money on this.
RATHER
I'd say. Well, going back to your childhood, you mentioned before that you were raised
in what you described as-- a typical maybe-- quintessential Midwestern view. Was yours
a church-going family? Did you go to church a lot as a child?
ETHERIDGE
It's funny 'cause my father came from just abject poverty. He came from-- he was-- a
migrant farmer family. He didn't have a church background. My mother grew up with-in a family where it's very-- a Methodist church. So like a lot of I think people they had
kids, they went, "We gotta take 'em to church." That's just what you do or else or else,
you know. And in that church I became very involved with the choir, with the youth
stuff, the Sunday school, -- I remember taking my guitar and playing. So I got very
involved in the church. I was involved in churches until I graduated high school. I did
some of my best stuff in church. I would go play-- on a Saturday night I would go play
the Knights of Columbus, the Parents Without Partners dance on a Saturday night and
then I'd get up Sunday morning and I'd go to church and (LAUGH) sing.
RATHER
And when did you drift away from church, or did you?
ETHERIDGE
When I graduated and I went to college I did not look for a church because at that point
I'm 18, I'm well aware that I'm-- a lesbian. I'm a gay person and at that time it did not
mix with religion. We were told that God didn't like us.
RATHER
You said you were 18 and by that time you were well aware that you were a lesbian.
When did you become aware? Do you remember when you first became aware?
ETHERIDGE
It's a funny journey. I imagine nowadays kids can kinda be more aware of it because it-it exists in our-- we talk about it. When I grew up, I remember in junior high someone
saying, "Oh, she's a lesy," and I'm, "What's that?" I had no idea. And it was a bad word.
So when I finally realized when I'm about 15 that all my friends are, "Oh, Joe, Bobby,
Mike," you know, and I'm "Jodie." You know, I'm like, "Wait a minute, what am I
doing," that it's a scary thing. It was scary for my generation. The first time I kissed a girl
I was 17 and that's when it was like, "Oh," it was a huge difference.
RATHER
Well, that would strike a lot of people as late on. A boy talkin' about kissing a girl, if he
hadn't kissed a girl by the time he was 17 that would be considered fairly late.
ETHERIDGE
Well, I spent a lot of time kissin' boys tryin' to make it work (LAUGH) from 15, 16, but.
RATHER
Did you try to hide it then?
ETHERIDGE
Well, it's funny, you don't try to hide it, it's hidden because it doesn't exist. And so you
know what you're doing is wrong and everyone's gonna be freaked out by you.
RATHER
Because we're in the 1970s and '80s-ETHERIDGE
In 1978, yeah. Yet, before I left for Boston I sat down with my father-- 'cause I was very
close with my dad, and I said, "Dad, I gotta tell you something'." I took the longest time
of saying, "Dad, I'm-- I really-- I don't know how to tell you." And he's just lookin' at me
and lookin' at me, and I said, "Well, I--" and I thought, "What word am I gonna use? I
guess I'll use, 'I'm a homosexual.'" And he goes, "Yeah, is that it?" And (LAUGH) I
said, "Yeah, that's it--"
RATHER
This is the coach. This is-ETHERIDGE
Yeah, this is coach.
RATHER
--the coach.
ETHERIDGE
This is Coach Etheridge. This is coach-- he's like, "Well, I don't understand it, but as
long as you're happy." So right outta the gate I have that support from my family. I
know that no matter whatever happens to me in the world, my dad's like, "Well, as long
as you're happy, okay." Which makes all the difference in the world. Those-- those that- that don't have that family-- support, it's really hard for them to come out.
RATHER
Was there a time where you thought it would be a hindrance perhaps-- even-- a barrier to
you doing what you dreamed of doing in music?
ETHERIDGE
Huh. I realized that it certainly wasn't gonna help me. (LAUGH) I also always believed
in the work. In my-- in my talent. And I knew when I sang for people they-- they
responded. And I also knew that I had work-- I'd been workin' five nights a week in a
lesbian bar. So every r-- record company that would come, I just had to-- you-- I just had
to believe, if they're not gonna sign me because I'm gay, then they don't get it. Then
they're-- they would never support me anyway.
RATHER
But then you-- you came out to use the phrase the night of the Bill Clinton inauguration
as president. Was that a big decision for you at the time? Did you think a lot about it
beforehand? About how-- how you were going to do it, where you were gonna do it? Or
did you just say, "Listen, tonight's the night I'm gonna do it."
ETHERIDGE
I did not know I was gonna do it that night. It had been a journey. We had three albums
out. I was a known artist. And I had a -- underground lesbian following because that
word went around, "She used to play the bars in Cal--" "Oh, yeah, she's gay." So it-- that
spread fast.
When I finally decided I have to come out it -- it was comin’ on because I was starting to
do interviews. People were becoming interested in me. They wanted to know the
personal things behind my music. I would always answer in a very gender unspecific
way, you know, "they," oh, "my lover, my partner," whatever I would say I would use
these words-RATHER
Must've been constantly walking on egg shells-ETHERIDGE
Constantly. Constantly. Because there was one article I did where the guy changed all of
my pronouns into boyfriend. And it-- I thought, "Oh, my God, people are gonna think I'm
lying now. This is-- this is so not okay." So I said, "I'm gonna come out." I always
thought-- I kinda thought, "I'm gonna come out on The Arsenio Hall Show." (LAUGH)
I thought he had been-- I had done a couple of interviews with him, he was nice, I
thought, "There you go. I'm just gonna tell him next time I'm gonna go I'm sayin', 'I
wanna come out on your show.'" It never got there because I became politically active
right before then. The LGBT community of course going through the AIDS crisis had
just completely come together.
RATHER
The AIDS crisis had really come to point during the 1980s, so by the time you got to the
1992 election-- it's big and the community-ETHERIDGE
That community is huge. It's the first time that the gay community really got behind a
candidate. Clinton was the first one who would even say the words gay and lesbian. It
was astounding just to hear him say that. So that's-- I helped out -- the three
organizations that had helped get Clinton and Gore elected. And so they had their own
inaugural ball for the first time. We had the Triangle Ball. It was the best party, too. It
was awesome. And I was there with my friends. We were celebrating, "Yes, we helped
elect this president." And of course they said, "Melissa, here's the microphone." I said,
"Well, I'm proud to-- to have been a lesbian all my life." And there it was, boom. And it
sorta went out the next day. It was just a little thing in the paper. Oh, and Melissa
Etheridge came out also at the inauguration. And it just started there.
RATHER
You're telling me that the gay and lesbian community had come together to support a
president and in a close presidential election was part of what made a difference.
ETHERIDGE
Yes. And it was-- you could feel it. You could feel all the work. We were losing our
brothers all around us. Gay men were dropping' like flies, and it was horrific.
RATHER
Because of the AIDS-ETHERIDGE
The AIDS crisis. And so we found this new political reason to come together. We never
had a reason before. We were just those weird partying sexual people before. (LAUGH)
And we found a community. And it was very empowering. And when we found that we
could make a difference in our American government, in politics, it was-- it was
enlightening.
RATHER
Fair or unfair to say that was the breakthrough moment?
ETHERIDGE
Yes. Very much so.
RATHER
Well, looking back, I mean, you've now become a legend. (LAUGH) Melissa Etheridge,
legend, it's almost as if it's one name. It must feel wonderful.
ETHERIDGE
Legend-- legendary's a funny thing because it's a story. And it's a story that just happens
one step at a time. You don't plan on it. You hope you can do what you love. And what I
loved to do was to sing and write songs and play music and entertain people, I love doing'
that. And along the way I found out that I had to tell the truth. I had to just tell the truth.
And as long as I told the truth I didn't have anything to hide or worry about. And this
truth telling became legendary.
ETHERIDGE (singing)
I want to come over
To hell with the consequence
You told me loved me
That’s all I believe
I want to come over
ACT 4
MELISSA ETHERIDGE, Live… and Alone, 2002
“Oh what a pleasure to be here. Welcome, welcome to my Live… and Alone. That means
if you hear any mistakes tonight, it’s me. That’s it. ”
DAN RATHER
We all know that-- that fame, it can bring sometimes crushing expectations. Didn't
happen with you, why not?
MELISSA ETHERIDGE
Expectations are just planned disappointments. I have tried and succeeded mostly in my
life to stay in the moment. To reach for what I wanted and to go for that, yet I certainly
learned along the way that celebrity or success of fame or whatever you wanna call it, is-is-- a graph that just goes up and down. And you have to be able to go down with it too,
because you cannot sustain the high part at all. And, you know, I've done my tumbles.
I've gone from, you know, selling number one records to not charting. I've done it all
and-- it's just a part that you have to-- at the end of the day you gotta lock it up and go
play with your kids, you know?
RATHER
But when you're on top, and you're feeling, "Listen, I'm invincible. (LAUGH) I'm the
greatest thing that ever came along.” Let's talk about the narcissistic results of fame.
ETHERIDGE
Oh, (MAKES NOISE) wow. I often say fame is a drug because it gives you this false
sense. I’m sure you are aware of what it’s like to walk into a room and everyone knows
who you are. You-RATHER
Or thinks they know
ETHERIDGE
--well, they recognize you. You no longer have stranger status, which is actually a handy
thing to have sometimes, to not be known. When you are known-- your reality becomes
different. I mean, how many times have I assumed that someone knows who I am and
they're like, "And what do you do?" And you're like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot-- (LAUGH)
I thought you knew who I was."
You know, so I often say that my Midwestern roots again come into play here. Where my
father would say, "Look, you always thank your audience. If it wasn't for them, you
wouldn't have anything." And it was a real sense of-- of humility about what I do that's
it's a service. And that they don't have to be here, they chose to be here.
RATHER
Well, you mentioned and it’s true, that while you’re on top you think it goes on forever
but the fact of the matter is it goes away and up and down. But wham, you’re diagnosed
with cancer.
ETHERIDGE
That-- the cancer diagnosis, that whole time period, -- I had-- just an awful breakup in
2001. Public. My first public breakup. And having been raised up to the -- this is the gay
and lesbian-- they're having children. It was on-- on the cover of Newsweek and Rolling
Stone. And now we're breaking up. And it was devastating.
It was-- I was, like, I've let my community down, I've let everyone down. I've let myself
down; I've let my children down, whatever. All these-- you know. And so I tried-- I start
to put myself back together. I record a couple albums, I'm making music, the music
industry has completely changed by then. It's 2003, 2004, it's-- everybody's-- I feel like
I'm swimming. And then I find a lump. And just think, "No, no, that's not-- I'm just-- it's a
cyst. It's nothing."
And slowly the days go by and it's-- the diagnosis comes, "Yes, it's breast cancer." And
my whole life just stopped. And it was good. I-- I always tell people I'm grateful for my
cancer diagnosis because it was you greatest gift 'cause it completely changed my life. I
was able to stop and let my whole life and world just crash over me like a wave. And I
stood there and went, "Wow."
And for the first time I stopped everything. I had to. I was on-- did the chemotherapy that
was-- it's called dose dense. It was--- because I didn't have to work, I was able to stay
home, they just, (MAKES NOISE) you know, put this crazy chemo stuff in me. So I lay
in bed for weeks. And all I had-- all I could do was think. But I thought-- I found a
beautiful stillness.
There's a point-- I'm sure it's what yogis go to the mountain to do to get away from life.
There's a point when -- your tape of life runs off the reel and there's this stillness of your
own-- I got to know myself. And I got to understand spirit and body and health. And I
came outta that a whole new person and excited about life, about my art. Dedicated to-- I
am only gonna do what I love from now on.
RATHER
What did you learn about cancer that you think could be helpful to others who are having
to go through now what you went through?
ETHERIDGE
A lot of what I learned a lot of people don't wanna know. Because the main thing I
learned is that my health is my responsibility. Cancer does not just happen. It doesn't just
come outta nowhere and strike you. Cancer is a long process in your body. My journey
with it had been-- I found out all my doctors, all of them-- and they were the best doctors.
Each one of them would say, "Cancer starts when cells go bad."
And then they'd go on into what I had and everything and blah, blah, blah, and all the-and they'd give the numbers and the-- the percentages and it was this whole thing. And I
kept saying, "Well, what makes cells go bad? What makes--" and none of them would
deal with that. They only dealt with this part. So finally I started looking' up and finding
old, old writings from back in the '30s from doctors who would say, "Cells go bad
because the environment in your body is too acidic.
We are-- we are energy cells, we are much like batteries, and we run on alkaline and acid.
Every processed food, all the sugar, all this Western diet is completely acidic. Changing
your diet, changing your stress levels, changing your relationships-- whatever it is that's
stressing you and causing you acidic-- literally acid to be released in your body, that's
what gave me cancer.
And I believe this. You won't find-- there's not a lot of doctors who are willing to step out
and say this. I have followed this. And I figure me living and living well is the one of the
only things I can do to prove this. (LAUGH) That this -- more doctors are-- are starting to
say it's about health, it's about how much water you're drinking. Very simple things to
keep yourself healthy. That's what I would say. I would say -- and I do tell them, people
come to me-- often I get the, "My friend is stage four, she's only got weeks to live. She
just wants to meet Melissa Etheridge." I get that all the time. They come back stage. I
pull them aside. I pull them aside and I say, "So what-- what are the doctors telling you?"
"Well, they-- they can't do anything for me. It's there, it's just--" and I look at them and I
say, “Awesome. This is great. Do you know what you have? You have the gift of saying,
‘I don’t have to do anything, cancer.” You could be the crazy --you could run off to the
Amazon and be that person that finds the cure. Go-- I said, “Go change. Change
something, anything. Go do it." And -- I actually have people that have been comin’
back to me now year after year saying, "I'm still alive."
RATHER
I would think it's a very difficult concept for many people to grasp that cancer is a gift.
ETHERIDGE
(LAUGH) Yeah. But it can be. Life is-- life is-- this is what it gave me was this really
clear understanding that joy is the most important thing in our life. We cannot exist
without joy, without creativity. We're of an age now where we see people dying all the
time. And mostly you can probably say, "Oh, my father died right after he retired."
Retired, the purpose goes away. The life force is done. When we get more connected
with the emotional and spiritual side of our bodies and how it affects health, it's going to
be revolutionary in medicine. It really will be.
RATHER
And you consider it revolutionary in your case.
ETHERIDGE
Oh, yeah. I think the gift of cancer gave me an understanding, I'm gonna live a long time
now because of that.
RATHER
You're convinced of that.
ETHERIDGE
Convinced and I will be-- I will be back comin' decade after decade to prove it.
ETHERIDGE (singing)
Oh, I’m gonna show you baby
A woman can be tough
I want you to come on, come on, come on, come on
Take it, take another little piece of my heart, now baby…
RATHER
Your hair hadn't grown back when you appear at the music awards, your coming out
from cancer, different thing from coming out before about your sexual orientation.
ETHERIDGE
Yes.
RATHER
Tell me about that because it's become part of the lore (LAUGH) of American music.
ETHERIDGE
It was very similar actually to coming out sexually because cancer had the same sort of
tabooness. You couldn't say the word, it was the "c" word. My father died of cancer, my
grandmother died of cancer and I didn't even know. It still felt like this-- there's
something shameful about it, and I comp-- after having gone through that about my
sexuality, I completely rejected all of that and went, "No, no, no, no. There's no shame in
this at all. I'm gonna learn everything I can about this. And I'm gonna stand up and--" and
I still do. Every night in concert I say, "I had cancer." I say, "Cancer, cancer, cancer." I
say (LAUGH) it as much as I can.
RATHER
Just get it out there.
ETHERIDGE
Just to-- because so many people give it so much power. People would just-- knowing
that I had cancer they would just look at me sadly. And it was like, "No, this is my body-succeeding now." I'm nine years cancer free. Not a drop of it.
So it-- it energized me. Yet, the losing of the hair, I actually found to be the most
debilitating thing about the whole cancer experience. Women, they would just go, "I
can't believe my hair's gonna fall out." I'm like, "Wait a minute. No, let's talk about the
cancer, not just the--" the-- that's a result of chemo. It's not even a result of cancer. It's a
result of a chemical that they give you.
And when they asked me to pay tribute to Janis Joplin, which one of my favorites, on the
Grammy's, -- I said yes because I didn't want anybody else to do it. I wanted to do it.
(LAUGH) That's my place. And I thought, "Ooh, I'm gonna be bald." And -- I actually
talked to my friends. I said, -- for a second I thought about a wig and went, "That's just
ridiculous." It would fall off for one. -- It would never be able to stay on my head, and
that's not me. I'm the girl who says, "Speak true." So you know what? I'm gonna-- I'm
gonna walk out on stage and I'm just gonna be bald, and we'll just go from there. And the
next day, again, my whole life changed. And to this day I still-- people at least once a
week come up to me and say, "Oh, my mother was going through cancer when you”-- oh,
I had an experience. This-- this young girl, I walked up to her, she was bald. You can
tell when they're going on chemo. She was in a wheelchair. I just was drawn to her and I
just came up and said, "Oh, honey." And the father-- and the father said, "Oh, remember
that video I showed you, that's the woman." You know, come on. That's-- it-- sometimes
the things that change the world are just because you're willing to just be yourself.
ETHERIDGE (singing)
You know you got it...
RATHER (VOICE OVER)
MELISSA ETHERIDGE HAS BECOME INCREASINGLY OUTSPOKEN ABOUT
HER HOLISTIC PHILOSOPHIES ON CANCER TREATMENT. WHEN ANGELINA
JOLIE ANNOUNCED HER CHOICE TO GET A PREVENTATIVE DOUBLE
MASTECTOMY, ETHERIDGE PUBLICLY DISAPPROVED.
MELISSA ETHERIDGE
There was a small newspaper in Washington D.C., actually the gay newspaper in
Washington D.C. asked me what I thought about this. And I gave them my honest answer
as I am wont to do, as I do. (LAUGH) I speak truthfully. And I said, "Nowadays, to give
into the fear of cancer," -- I also said that I was diagnosed with the BRCA-- 2 gene, I
have the same gene she had. You know, the one where you're probably gonna get cancer,
if whatever. I have all those things and to remove healthy tissue from your body in fear of
cancer is a personal choice. You may absolutely do that. And-- and if fear is where
you're gonna be comin’ from every day then I would say, "Yeah, you should do that,"
because that fear is acidic and that's gonna bring that to you. But to call it brave, I myself
personally would not call it brave to remove parts of my body because I might-- because
I'm afraid I might get something later.
I, myself, think a more courageous choice is to say, "Aha, I'm actually in-- in one of those
percentages that I might get this, so I'm gonna look to my nutrition, to my body, to my
stress, and make sure that I have the best percentage to live a healthy, full-bodied life.'"
That's-- that's all I said is I wouldn't call it brave.
RATHER
There no desire here to get you in conflict because-ETHERIDGE
Oh, I’ve already been in conflict about it. It already went around-RATHER
Well, but – but it’s a very personal decision
ETHERIDGE
Yes, it is very personal. Again-RATHER
Very personal decision.
ETHERIDGE
Everyone is certainly-- can make their own personal decision—
RATHER
Well but-ETHERIDGE
--absolutely.
RATHER
--that's their right. They're entitled-ETHERIDGE
--that's their absolute—
RATHER
--to do-ETHERIDGE
--it's-- it's-RATHER
Well, let’s talk about, I believe it was after your challenge with cancer that you came out
very vocally and regularly about the medical uses of marijuana.
ETHERIDGE
Uh-huh (AFFIRM).
RATHER
Let's talk about that.
ETHERIDGE
Well, like I'd said, I hadn't been-- a drug user before then. I had smoked cannabis-recreationally. You know, it was always fun, social things. I definitely did that more than
I did drink. But it was not -- a life choice. When I was going through chemotherapy,
again the great doctors-- (LAUGH) gave me the, "Here, this is the pill you take to keep
you out of pain and this is the pill you take because that pill's gonna make you
constipated and then this is the pill you take to keep the anxiety down because this steroid
pill we're gonna give you is gonna--"
RATHER
Wow.
ETHERIDGE
--yeah. And so all of a sudden I'm looking' at six or seven chemicals that they're asking
me to put in my body, along with the big dose of chemicals that are poisoning my body
(LAUGH) trying to kill cancer.
RATHER
The chemotherapy.
ETHERIDGE
Chemotherapy. I made a choice to use cannabis because this is one natural plant, no side
effects other than some euphoria, -- instead of using the drugs. It relieved my pain, it
gave me an appetite, -- that's one of the worst-- that's one of the biggest dangers of
chemotherapy is you can't eat and you end up in the hospital. I would recommend it for
anyone who's doing chemotherapy. I have slowly become part of this cannabis
movement.
RATHER
And the movement now seems to be at an all-time peak if you will. That-ETHERIDGE
Yes, well, it's heading there--
RATHER
--states other than California are in one way or the other legalizing, which I'd have to say
as a reporter we've recently done some investigative reports in-- in California is leading
such things as what used to be drug cartels moving in big time on this. Are you worried
about that? Are you aware of that?
ETHERIDGE
Well, that's what I want-- as a mother, I don't wanna be a criminal. I don't wanna buy
from criminals. I would like the same opportunity as someone who can go down to the
store and buy a six pack and watch a football game. I would like to be able to know that
the cannabis that I'm going to enjoy is comin’ from a place that I'm giving people jobs
that is not criminally bound. So I deeply believe in the legalization of cannabis just for
that purpose. So we can stop this drug cartels and stop this crazy stuff and-- and get the
regulations that tobacco and alcohol both have.
ETHERIDGE (SINGING)
“Oh it’s such a shame
But there’s no one to blame
Yet no one knows what I’ve seen”
ACT 5
MELISSA ETHERIDGE (SINGING)
“Hello, hello
This is Romeo
Calling from a jackpot telephone”
DAN RATHER (VOICE OVER)
MELISSA ETHERIDGE HAS ALWAYS BEEN FEARLESS ABOUT LIVING HER
LIFE IN THE PUBLIC EYE. THESE DAYS, SHE HAS A NEW PASSION IN HER
LIFE…SHE IS NEWLY ENGAGED TO HOLLYWOOD WRITER AND PRODUCER
LINDA WALLEM. WALLEM JOINED US TO TALK ABOUT THE DEFENSE OF
MARRIAGE ACT AND WHAT IT MEANS FOR THEIR PERSONAL
RELATIONSHIP.
RATHER
So Linda, if you’ll step in.
RATHER
Thank you so much for doing this—
RATHER
--I’m sorry-WALLEM
Thank you. (LAUGH)
RATHER
--to ruin you afternoon (LAUGH) with--
WALLEM
Well-RATHER
--intruding on your home and-WALLEM
Oh, this happens on a daily basis here. (LAUGH)
RATHER
Oh, I see? It happens every day, does it?
WALLEM
No. I wish. This is thrilling (LAUGH) to have you here.
RATHER
No.
WALLEM
Thank you.
RATHER
But thank you very much.
WALLEM
Thanks.
RATHER
Well, I have the two of you together.
WALLEM
Hi.
MELISSA ETHERIDGE
Hi. (LAUGH)
RATHER
Let me ask you about how—has your life changed with this recent, Supreme Court
decisions? And if so, how?
ETHERIDGE
Absolutely. We were-- unfortunately, we weren’t together when the decision came down.
I was in New York and she was here with our daughter. But I woke them up. I said, “You
have to turn on the TV, you have to turn on the TV. It’s comin’ down now.” Because I
had been asked to speak on CNN if it came down.
So I knew it was-- it was-- the decision was maybe comin’ down. And going through that
as a family -- it was the end of this movement of trying to separate and say that this
marriage is different than that marriage, and this love is different than that love.
And it was, you know, testing of America. And so for us, I think-- I mean, speak for
yourself-- obviously. But-- it just-- there’s a little bit more sense of I’m no so afraid to
hold her hand. It’s not so strange anymore. It’s starting to be a part of the American
fabric.
WALLEM
And the other change is the stress (LAUGH) that comes along that all you straight folks
have had about weddings for-ETHERIDGE
Oh my-WALLEM
--years. Now I’m like, (LAUGH) “Oh, no. Oh, Man. Now we really have to”—
RATHER
Well, you know, I hadn’t thought of that.
WALLEM
It is.
ETHERIDGE
Yes.
WALLEM
It’s a big-- it’s a new-- there’s new therapy popping up everywhere for us (LAUGH) gay
folk for this ‘cause it’s a new stress of like, “Oh, wow. We really have to step up now.
We have to make the wedding plans and call the relatives and go through all of the stuff”- you know?
RATHER
I was gonna say it's germane in this moment because you're planning to get married.
WALLEM
Yes.
ETHERIDGE
Yes.
RATHER
How soon will it be?
ETHERIDGE
Well, hopefully, it will be in the next few months. We are-- we're choosing a date. The
date has to be perfect. There's a lot of-- of course, we have two careers. We have four
children and they're-- you know, all of our lives are very-- full, and we want to pick just
the right time where we can prepare for it. And also-- those that we love can be there and
we can be there.
RATHER
But it-- every wedding has its stresses: picking a date, (LAUGH) making sure the
invitations get out on-WALLEM
Oh, yeah.
RATHER
--time.
WALLEM
And do I really want them to come? (LAUGHTER) Or not? Or oh I have to have them
come. Or well, let's elope. We say that a lot-ETHERIDGE
--yes. It's very, very close to that.
RATHER
With these recent Supreme Court decisions, gay and lesbian rights have come so far.
Let’s reflect on that a little bit. You must think about it sometimes and think is this really
happening or wow, we went through a lot. What do you think?
WALLEM
Oh, I do. I think about being from the Midwest and closeted, and through college in
Minneapolis, and then in New York. And then in the ‘80s and ‘90s, and then even
coming out here as a television writer, I was closeted. I was afraid to bring that into a
comedy room, you know? Like, just kind of keep that out.
And now it makes me laugh because I’m marrying (LAUGH) a rather well known rock
star. So it’s-- it means-- I’ve come a long way I think about how I must feel about it
‘because I’m delighted. I am marrying my best friend, and I couldn’t be happier.
RATHER
Melissa, how has society changed for you?
ETHERIDGE
I see society wanting to move forward. I see good people, smart people-- who understand
that change constantly happens, really trying to move with this and be open to it even
though it might be strange to them, and weird, and they don’t quite understand it all.
I see people -- it happens in-- in the school level. Our kids are in first grade and, you
know, it's-- well, Johnny Rose's-- has two moms, you know? And it's-- and the kids go,
"Oh? I wish I had two moms, you know?" And it-- the-WALLEM
Well, no-ETHERIDGE
--stigma-WALLEM
--they have four moms now.
ETHERIDGE
Oh, it's true. They have four moms-- they have a lot of (LAUGHTER) moms.
WALLEM
They have a lot of moms.
ETHERIDGE
It's a large family. (LAUGHTER) Yet, it is-WALLEM
You can tell she's a comedy writer.
ETHERIDGE
Yes, and-WALLEM
I'm sorry.
ETHERIDGE
--- I laugh-ETHERIDGE
--every (LAUGHTER) single day.
WALLEM
Sorry.
ETHERIDGE
I laugh every single day.
WALLEM
Well, I love that you put the drums right here so I can go ba-dum-bum-ETHERIDGE
Ba-dum. (MOUTH NOISE)
WALLEM
--if something doesn't go well. (LAUGHTER) That's not the point. Get back to your
point.
ETHERIDGE
Okay. So society absolutely-- everyone is-- is doing their best -- I really feel. And what
it does is it causes those that really have a problem with it that so much to where they-they would resist it or push against it, that comes to the surface, and it has to be dealt with
and it has to be looked at as okay, why are you feeling-- why does this bother you so
much? What's-- you know, what's goin' on?
RATHER
What's next for the gay rights movement?
WALLEM
I think we can all finally relax, you know? And just really focus on maybe being, you
know, citizens of the world now. That we can just put that aside and go, “Oh, man. All
that energy and the angst and all of that stuff, well, let’s pour it into contributing to our
world, you know?” Not just gay issues. All issues, you know?
ETHERIDGE
I remember the ‘80s thinking oh I’m gay, I’m alternative. If you even said gay marriage,
people go what are you talking about? We’re anti. We’re anti this establishment which
was getting married, and we’re gonna be --until we started growing and going, “Wait a
minute. I do wanna -- I wanna --I want this --I wanna be a contributing member to this
beautiful, American fabric.
RATHER
Well, thank you both. You've been so generous with your time.
ETHERIDGE
Oh, my-ETHERIDGE
--pleasure, Dan. What a-WALLEM
We adore-RATHER
Thank you so much.
WALLEM
--you. Any time.
ACT 6
MELISSA ETHERIDGE
Want to go-- go in my backyard?
DAN RATHER
Sure.
ETHERIDGE
C'mon.
ETHERIDGE
My son comes back here. He goes, "Mom, we have the Garden of Eden in our
backyard." I said, "Yes."
ETHERIDGE
You want us to go that way or this way?
RATHER
Let’s go this way; we’ll make our own decision.
RATHER
"They're only two totally dependable things in life. True love and home-grown
tomatoes."
ETHERIDGE
Yeah. (LAUGHTER) Indeed
ETHERIDGE
I never wanna eat any other kind of tomato once-- once you have one like that-RATHER
Well, thank you for that. I'll take it-ETHERIDGE
Oh it's straight-RATHER
--back with me.
ETHERIDGE
Straight from the sun.
RATHER
Thank.
ETHERIDGE
You bet.
RATHER
Thank you.
ETHERIDGE
Thank you. It's good for ya. Healthy.