What if my child didn’t make All Stars? I encourage every parent to read this article before the
all-star rosters come out.
How to Embrace Being Cut from The Team
By Brandon Capelleti
When your kid gets cut from the team, it can feel like a blow. It’s understandable that you or
your child might react emotionally, but recognize it’s also a potential learning opportunity. Make
lemonade from lemons by handling the news properly. It all begins with you and your attitude to
the coach’s decision. Getting angry or upset won’t change the outcome, and it may only add to
your child’s distress, so try to keep things in perspective.
Remember that most coaches are doing the best they can. They must balance numerous
competing interests, always with an eye toward what’s best for the team, rather than any
particular individual. Depending on the circumstances, there may be substantial pressure on the
coach to win. Of course, everyone who engages in competitive sports hopes to win. But the
reality is that winning and losing are always part of any game.
In recreational-level sports, especially, the emphasis should be on learning, participation,
teamwork and fun — not winning at any cost. Regardless of whether he or she wins or loses,
your son or daughter will benefit from participation. Simply participating benefits kids on
multiple levels. From better fitness and enhanced social skills, to lessons in cooperation and
sharing, sports participation is invariably a win/win — no trophy required. And that should be
the bottom line for you as the parent. Of course, most community or church recreational leagues
accept all players; so getting cut will be an unlikely an issue.
Put yourself in the coach’s cleats
Competitive sports teams with tryouts and limited slots for players are usually more focused on
the almighty win, however. As such, their coaches are under great pressure to assemble and train
the strongest team possible. Numerous factors are likely to come into play when coaches make
roster decisions. Some of these factors may not be obvious to anxious parents.
Keep this in mind before taking offense. If your child fails to make the cut, while another player
with similar skills gets to stay, the coach may simply have seen something you didn’t notice. For
instance, many coaches pay as much attention to enthusiasm as they do to objective skills. Some
players simply seem to want it more; these are the kids who are more likely to make the cut in
any tight race. Good attitude, especially among adolescent players, is a highly valued quality.
There will be other opportunities
Understand that getting cut from a team is not an indictment of your child’s inherent value or
worth in any way. In other words, it’s not the end of the world. While it can seem devastating at
the time, there will surely be other teams, other opportunities, other coaches.
In fact, one approach to the unwelcome news that your child didn’t make the team might be to
explore other options. Are there other teams he might be eligible to play on?
Instead of taking a cut as an entirely negative experience, turn it around and embrace it as a
positive learning lesson. After all, handling rejection and defeat with grace are arguably harder to
do — and more valuable life skills — than making easy goals and never facing adversity.
Most successful people are happy to admit they suffered substantial setbacks along the path to
success; multiple failures, numerous rejections, countless mistakes. Invariably, these winners
note that they learned more from their failures than they ever did from their easy
accomplishments. Few movie stars ever landed the first role they auditioned for. Few famous
authors claim not to have a closet full of prior rejection notices. The difference is, they took it in
stride and tried again, and again, before finally achieving victory.