Appalachia Coal Market Reports: With the predicted record cold winter's onset driving the demand for coal to record-high levels, AND the Obama administration’s regulations that require future coal-fired power plants to deploy currently nonexistent technologies to reduce their CO2 emissions. The mineral's cost is now beyond the reach of low and middle-income Americans who wish to punish their naughty children! "Coal in one's stocking used to serve as a warning, not as a dependable grade-B investment," said Mr. James Moore Monie, a commodities adviser for Investment Advisor Magazine. "In today's market, children should only have their stockings stuffed with lumps of coal if they have been studious and obedient, and show an interest in long-term investments in the energy sector." For more affordable punitive options, analysts point to the stagnant switch market, which could soon also go the way of coal if demand increases for combustible wooden sticks in the much colder Midwest. Forget the Milk. Santa would rather have a stiff drink on those cold winter Christmas Eve nights! "Daddy, where did I come from?" my six-year-old asked. It was a moment for which I and my wife had carefully prepared. We took her into the den, got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all we thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then we both sat back and smiled contentedly. “Does that answer your question?” I asked. “Not really,” my little girl said. “Cindy said she came from Philadelphia. I want to know where I came from.” Frank & Janet B., Somers Point, NJ “Christmas… that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance… a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved.” ~ Augusta E. Rundell An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. Hey DEVILer… The first week of January is National Senior Mental Health Week. You can do YOUR part by remembering to contact at least one unstable Senior to show you care. I have now done MY part. Gene G., Bridgeton, NJ DID YOU KNOW THAT: Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips? THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS, BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS. NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED. SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS. THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN. THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS. YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU? It’s not easy to fool you old farts! Have a great Holiday! The South Jersey DEVILer: Bumper Sticker: All you need is a sick mind and a healthy body. All humor is to be taken as humor, and does not reflect the personal or ethical beliefs of the The South Jersey Deviler. Advertisers are not responsible for content. The jokes are not meant to harm or offend anyone, but to entertain and bring a smile to your day. We hope that everyone will read this publication in that spirit. The Deviler gets jokes and cartoons from various sources, so if you find any of the jokes or cartoons to be copyrighted, please let us know so that we can give credit where credit is due. All jokes, photographs, and cartoons are welcome. Send your entertaining contributions to our mailing address. Photos and artwork will not be returned. No part of the DEVILer may be reproduced by any means without express written permission from The South Jersey DEVILer. Copyright 2014 Check us out on the web @ www.thesouthjerseydeviler.com Published by Kk&LC Enterprises Inc. Editor/Publisher/Promoter/Comedian: Ken Camp P.O. Box 691, Elmer, N.J. 08318
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