Forget the Milk. Santa would rather have a stiff drink on those cold

Appalachia Coal Market Reports: With the predicted record cold
winter's onset driving the demand for coal to record-high levels, AND
the Obama administration’s regulations that require future coal-fired
power plants to deploy currently nonexistent technologies to reduce their
CO2 emissions. The mineral's cost is now beyond the reach of low and
middle-income Americans who wish to punish their naughty children!
"Coal in one's stocking used to serve as a warning, not as a
dependable grade-B investment," said Mr. James Moore Monie, a
commodities adviser for Investment Advisor Magazine.
"In today's market, children should only have their stockings stuffed
with lumps of coal if they have been studious and obedient, and show an
interest in long-term investments in the energy sector."
For more affordable punitive options, analysts point to the stagnant
switch market, which could soon also go the way of coal if demand
increases for combustible wooden sticks in the much colder Midwest.
Forget the Milk.
Santa
would rather have a stiff
drink on those cold winter
Christmas Eve nights!
"Daddy, where did I come from?" my six-year-old asked.
It was a moment for which I and my wife had carefully prepared. We
took her into the den, got out the encyclopedia and several other books,
and explained all we thought she should know about sexual
attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then we both
sat back and smiled contentedly.
“Does that answer your question?” I asked.
“Not really,” my little girl said. “Cindy said she came from
Philadelphia. I want to know where I came from.”
Frank & Janet B., Somers Point, NJ
“Christmas… that magic blanket that wraps itself
about us, that something so intangible that it is like a
fragrance.
It may weave a spell of nostalgia.
Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but
always it will be a day of remembrance… a day in
which we think of everything we have ever loved.” ~ Augusta E. Rundell
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist
stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
Hey DEVILer… The first week of January is National Senior Mental
Health Week. You can do YOUR part by remembering to contact at
least one unstable Senior to show you care. I have now done MY part.
Gene G., Bridgeton, NJ
DID YOU KNOW THAT: Las Vegas
Churches accept gambling chips?
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO
THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS
VEGAS, BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC
CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT
SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT
SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO
CHIPS RATHER THAN
CASH WHEN THE
BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS
FROM MANY DIFFERENT
CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED
A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR
COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY
FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING
AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE
CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID
YOU?
It’s not easy to fool you old farts! Have a
great Holiday!
The South Jersey DEVILer: Bumper Sticker: All you need is a sick mind and a healthy body.
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Editor/Publisher/Promoter/Comedian:
Ken Camp P.O. Box 691, Elmer, N.J. 08318