Responsible
Optimism
Transcript and workbook
© 2011 Homewood Human Solutions™. This workbook accompanies the
e-course Responsible Optimism and is for the exclusive use of clients and
customers of Homewood Human Solutions™.
Responsible Optimism
About optimism
Optimism is the belief that you have the ability to influence the events of your life, even when you encounter situations or
circumstances that are unwelcome or unknown. Specifically, optimists use self-talk that boosts their sense of hopefulness
regardless of whether the situation is good or bad. If the situation is unwelcome, the optimist uses self-talk that increases their
sense of hope that this will change in the future. They say: “I am not to blame” (an external focus, towards circumstances or
another person), “my whole life will not be ruined by this event” (it is specific and not general), and “this will end” (it is timelimited).
Optimistic thinking following an unwelcome event:
When John learns that his company is restructuring and his department may be targeted for downsizing, he thinks to himself “this has
nothing to do with me personally. It’s a company decision I am not responsible for. This doesn’t reflect upon my skills or talents or work
performance and I’m not out of a job forever. There’s still plenty of work out there.” Consequently, John updates his job resume, delays
a large purchase he was intending to make, and keeps himself informed of company changes through every possible communication
channel.
In this example, John’s optimistic self-talk keeps him hopeful, motivated, and ready to pursue any new opportunity. This was a
situation that was unwelcome, but John’s optimistic thinking (‘I am not to blame’, ‘my life is not ruined by this’, and ‘this won’t last
forever’) kept him happy, healthy, and motivated.
Optimistic thinking following a welcome event:
If the situation is welcome, the optimist uses self-talk that
increases their sense of hope that this will continue. They say:
“I am responsible for this” (an internal focus or sense of personal
responsibility), “this reflects well upon me” (this is general, not
specific to this event), and “this will continue” (it will persist, not
be time-limited).
After a recent visit to her doctor’s office, Deidre is told that her
cholesterol levels, which were previously high, are now well within
normal limits. She says to herself: “I have done a good job at
changing my diet and lifestyle and it’s starting to pay off. It wasn’t
easy to change my lifelong habits but I’ve made some fundamental
changes to the way I think about my health and I can keep it up. I
don’t ever see myself going back to being a couch potato!”
In the example, Deidre feels good about herself, maintains her
positive lifestyle changes, and enjoys a continued, healthy, life.
Specifically, she explained the positive event that happened this
way:
• I am responsible for this (‘I’ve changed my diet’)
What is “self-talk”?
What thoughts run through your mind when something
bad or unwanted happens to you? Do you think “I will
get through this...it’s not my fault and I’ll be okay” or
do you think “I’ll never get through this...it’s my fault
and once again it proves that I’m useless.” What you are
thinking, or saying to yourself, is your internal dialogue or
“self-talk.” It’s like a conversation you have with yourself,
explaining why something happened or predicting what
might happen next. In this course, you will learn about a
particular kind of self-talk: responsible optimism. You will
learn why optimistic self-talk is helpful, examine your own
style of self-talk, and learn techniques to change your selftalk so that you, too, can become a responsible optimist
and begin experiencing improved mood, better work and
academic performance, and better health.
•
This reflects upon something general about me, not specific (‘I’ve made fundamental changes to my habits’), and
•
This will continue (‘I can keep it up’).
To summarize, optimists use self-talk that increases hopefulness and decreases hopelessness.
Optimistic self-talk is as follows:
•
I am responsible for positive events; other people and/or circumstances account for negative events.
•
Positive events reflect well upon me (e.g. my talents); negative events reflect upon something specific (e.g. how I was
feeling that day). And,
•
Positive events will persist; negative events are short-lived.
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Responsible Optimism
Another style of self-talk: Pessimism
Another kind of self-talk, which is essentially the opposite of optimism, is “pessimism” or “negative self-talk.” Unlike optimistic selftalk, pessimistic self-talk is not about hopefulness, it is about hopelessness.
Pessimistic self-talk assumes too much responsibility for bad events and not enough responsibility for good events. As well,
pessimistic self-talk assumes that success is fleeting and unwanted events will continue forever.
An example: pessimistic self-talk
Cindy has just graduated medical school and completed her final residency exam with top marks. While preparing for her first job
interview, she thinks to herself:
•
“I only graduated at the top of my class because there’s a shortage of doctors with my specialty and so my medical
school has low standards” (i.e. Cindy is denying personal responsibility for her success and, instead, attributing it to
circumstances).
•
“I did well on my exams, but I’m not really a good physician” (i.e. Cindy doubts her actual talents and abilities as a
physician, attributing her success to good study habits). And,
•
“I feel like an impostor...once I actually start working they’ll discover that I’m no good” (i.e. Cindy is telling herself that her
skills and abilities won’t last...they are time-limited).
Consequenty, Cindy enters the interview situation feeling worried and hopeless, and lacking confidence. She presents a very poor
image of herself to the interviewers.
About “responsible optimism”
There is an important caveat to be noted about optimism and this is exemplified by the title of this course The course is
about being optimistic, but responsibly so.
Responsible optimism is about adding a dose of reality and responsibility to almost all optimistic self-talk. For example,
there are occasions when we need to acknowledge our personal contribution to bad events (i.e. not blame others or
circumstances). As well, there are circumstances where the cost of failure or mistakes is very high, and a little pessimism is
needed.
Thus, this course is about changing your self-talk towards responsible optimism: being ever-hopeful, but in a
responsible, reasonable, and realistic manner.
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Responsible Optimism
The implications and consequences of self-talk
The differences between optimists and pessimists extend beyond differences in self-talk. Indeed, the manner in which you
explain the events that befall you (good or bad) predicts your health, happiness, resilience, and ability to achieve what you want
out of life. Studies conclusively show that people who use optimistic self-talk, compared to people who use pessimistic self-talk:
•
Are less prone to low moods and depression
•
Are less prone to infectious diseases (e.g. colds and flu)
•
Achieve more at work and in school
These differences between optimists and pessimists emerge because optimistic self-talk leads to positive, constructive, action.
Optimistic self-talk leads to:
•
A sense of being in control of events (therefore, better mood and less depression).
•
Better health habits and a more active lifestyle (therefore, better health and less susceptibility to illness).
•
Better use of talents, abilities, and skills (therefore, better academic and work performance).
•
Higher levels of resilience and motivation (therefore, better persistence at difficult tasks and an ability to ‘bounce back’
from defeat, failure, or adversity).
Pessimistic self-talk, in contrast, contributes to a sense of helplessness. Pessimists become easily defeated and quickly paralyzed
by inaction. Small setbacks become catastrophes, feelings of depression ensue, and the future looks forever bleak.
Learning Optimism
There is good news here: you can change your self-talk. Regardless of past events and how ingrained you think your habits of
self-talk are, it is possible to learn optimistic self-talk and unlearn pessimism. All it requires is that you learn and apply a new
set of cognitive (i.e. “thinking”) strategies. These strategies are:
•
Clearing your mind. This strategy involves distracting and/or redirecting the focus of your attention.
•
Getting perspective. This strategy involves stepping back and examining self-talk from a broad and more accurate
perspective. And,
•
Challenging your self-talk. This strategy involves disputing self-talk by questioning the evidence and reasonableness
of it.
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How do I get started?
The first step to becoming a responsible optimist is to take a close look at your current style of thinking. In other words, to
examine your self-talk style and discover whether you have a tendency towards optimism or pessimism. So we begin with a quiz
(available online only).
Second, you will uncover and reveal your own self-talk. You will go through a series of interactive, online exercises that will help
you define the exact thoughts that run through your mind when bad or unwanted events happen. You can (optionally) print this
work so that you have a record of it.
Third, you will learn and practice the three strategies for changing your style of thinking towards responsible optimism: clear your
mind, get some perspective, and challenge your beliefs. Learning these strategies is straightforward, and they can be used in
whatever combination best suits you.
Fourth, you’ll be presented with a quiz that tests what you’ve learned. Of course, the real test of learning is in how you apply this
learning to your life, but this quiz will ensure that your efforts at changing self-talk are in the right direction.
Finally, you’ll be presented with some options for learning more about self-talk and changing your thinking. This last section
of the course provides information about helpful web-sites and books, as well as a brief guide to finding professional help. By
pursuing the references in this section, you can continue your learning beyond this course.
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Identify your self-talk: Introduction
The first step to becoming more optimistic is to identify or reveal self-talk. To do this, there are three steps:
1. Define and describe a situation in which you experience unwanted feelings (e.g. distress, frustration, anxiety, apathy).
2. Take note of exactly what thoughts run through your mind during or immediately after that situation. And,
3. Describe the consequences to you. What do you feel or do in this situation or immediately thereafter?
Once you have finished these three steps, you will have accurately identified your self-talk. Following this, you can begin to
change it using the strategies presented later in the course.
Before you begin, please note the following. As you delve into the detail of each strategy, carefully contemplate the information
that is being presented. This information is intentionally straightforward. However, do not confuse this straightforwardness with
simplicity. This is not simplistic information and these are not simplistic exercises. The course calls for you to put in time, effort,
and honest self-reflection.
Additionally, these exercises and strategies are a form of psychological self-help. They are about observing yourself—your
thoughts, feelings, and actions—and changing your habitual ways of thinking. They are about helping you adopt a fresh
perspective. And they are about finding joy in your life while facing the challenges and stresses that inevitably accompany its
pursuit.
Step 1: Identify the situation
To begin, think of a situation that occurs every so often and during which you encounter some unwelcome feelings or distress.
The situation can be almost anything--encountering heavy traffic, a frown from your supervisor, receiving criticism from your
spouse, etc. However, choose something in which you experience only a moderate amount of distress or concern rather than
something that is overwhelming. As you gain skill with changing self-talk, you can apply it to any situation. But in order to learn
each step of changing self-talk, you should begin with something small. Record the situation in the space below. Be very specific
and be very objective. Record your description of the situation but do not include your feelings or your thoughts or explanations
(opportunity to do this will come later).
What is the situation that you are experiencing? Take a moment to think about it, and describe it using the space below. Be
detailed, yet be succinct.
To help identify the situation, it may help to consider the following:
•
What is the situation that you are troubled by?
•
If someone else was observing the situation, how would they describe it?
The situation…
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Step 2: Identify your self-talk in the situation
The next step is to uncover, reveal or identify the self-talk that goes through your mind when you are in the situation you just
described. Your self-talk includes your explanation for the event and/or the thoughts or images that run through your mind
during or immediately after the event. Be sure to separate your thoughts from your feelings (we will deal with feelings later). Your
thoughts are the things that you say to yourself, like “I must be incompetent” or “I’m no good at anything” or “I’m sure that she is
out to get me.”
To help uncover your self-talk, ask yourself these questions or something similar:
•
What was going through my mind during this situation?
•
What was I thinking about immediately after?
•
How am I explaining what is occurring to me? What am I saying to myself?
I was thinking…
Step 3: Identify the consequences
This last step is your opportunity to examine your feelings and actions as a consequence of this situation and, more specifically,
as a consequence of your self-talk during or after the event. What happened in the situation you have described? Did you feel
anxious? Angry? Despondent? And what action did you take? What did you do?
•
What happened in the situation you have described?
•
What did you feel?
•
What did you do?
Note: You may have felt more than one thing, or you may have done more than one thing. Record everything using the space
provided.
As a consequence of my self talk…
Next steps
Congratulations. You have done a lot of work. And that work has helped you identify your self-talk. The next three sections of the
course will present the three strategies for changing self-talk: clear your mind, get perspective, and challenge self-talk.
These strategies are presented in this order for a reason. “Clear your mind” is the easiest strategy to use whereas “Get perspective”
and “Challenge self-talk” require more skill and effort. However, each of these is very doable and the more effort you expend, the
more lasting changes you will experience.
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Responsible Optimism
Strategy 1: Clear your mind
Once you are aware of your negative and/or pessimistic style of self-talk, the easiest and quickest way to cope with it is to simply
clear your mind of these thoughts, i.e. think of nothing or think of something else. Of the three strategies in this course, this is a
good place to start. However, it is the least likely to actually change your habitual style of thinking because it doesn’t call upon
you to change your self-talk or the beliefs you have that support this self-talk. It simply draws your attention away from self-talk,
momentarily. Nonetheless, clearing your mind is a useful strategy to use and there are occasions when it will suffice.
Clear your mind: An overview
The techniques of clearing your mind are as follows.
1. Take a breath.
2. Stay in the moment.
3. Schedule a “self-talk” appointment, and
4. Write it down.
The details of each will be presented in sequence, followed by an action plan for putting them into actual practice.
1. Take a breath
A quick and easy way to clear your mind of self-talk is through relaxed, calm, breathing. Whenever you encounter unwanted selftalk, try the following:
•
Pause for a moment and say to yourself “take a breath”.
•
As you do this, take slow, deep, breaths. Inhale slowly and exhale slowly. Concentrate on filling your lungs to their full
capacity, and emptying them completely with each subsequent breath.
•
Allow your mind to clear. Focus on slow, relaxed, breathing. Direct your attention to the sensation of air as it passes into,
and out of, your nose.
•
To aid in clearing you mind, try visualizing a pleasant scene (e.g. a tropical beach or a balloon floating upwards into the
sky).
2. Stay in the moment
Another technique to clear your mind, is to stay in the moment. You have a finite amount of attention to devote to any one thing
at any one point in time. Try it:
•
Think of a warm, sandy, tropical beach.
•
Think about a giant bowl of chocolate cherry ice cream.
•
Think of a friend’s smiling face.
•
Think of a little puppy dog prancing and bouncing through tall grass.
Now think of all these things at once, at exactly the same time. You can’t do it. It’s not possible to devote your attention to all of
these things simultaneously.
It is possible to switch your attention very quickly between things, and therefore, think that you are actually focusing on many
things at once. But you aren’t simultaneously focused on each of the items at precisely the same time. You’re just switching from
one attentional focus to another in rapid succession. The point being illustrated here is that you have voluntary control over your
attentional focus. You can choose to focus your attention on one thing, or on many (in rapid succession). So, to clear your mind,
try focusing your attention on one thing and “stay in the moment.”
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Try it:
•
Pick up a small object and study it intently for a couple of seconds. Look at it from all angles. Notice how it feels, how
much it weighs, how it smells.
•
Think about how your tongue feels inside your mouth. Roll it around and feel the front and backside of your teeth. Try to
feel the place where each tooth meets its neighbour.
•
Visualize something pleasant. Imagine the tropical beach once again, or the pet you had as a child. The image you
choose is up to you. Just be certain to pick something that makes you feel calm, pleasant, and content.
•
Take a hike! Literally. Get active, go for a walk, go jogging. Do whatever you can to change your scenery.
•
Think of the moment by moment purpose of each of your actions, even the smallest. For example, as you brush your
teeth in the morning, think of the purpose of each stroke. Or as you prepare your morning tea or coffee, what is the
purpose of each preparatory movement?
Any of the above examples will help you “stay in the moment.” The next time you encounter unwanted self-talk, pick one of the
examples from the list and try it. Or experiment with something that works for you.
3. Schedule a “self-talk” appointment
Don’t struggle with your self-talk, book time to think about it! The constant flow of thought in your mind is natural. This is what
your mind likes to do (e.g., even when you sleep, you have thoughts. We call them dreams). Instead of struggling with it, schedule
a time and place to think about it. In other words, schedule a “self-talk” appointment. For example, when you next encounter your
negative self-talk, tell yourself “I’m going to think about this but I’ll do it later, after I get home from work.” Book or schedule that
appointment time and be sure to stick to it. Write it down, put it in your calendar. Be sure you pick a specific time. The purpose
of this technique is to help clear your mind of your self-talk (so that you can focus your attention on other matters) and to help
strengthen your voluntary control over your attention.
It’s important to follow through on your scheduled appointment time. Think of your “appointment” as you would any other
important engagement (e.g. meeting a colleague, attending a team meeting, going to a social event). You’ll probably find that
when you actually sit down at your scheduled time, you’ll have forgotten your self-talk, or it won’t seem as charged with emotion,
and/or you will be better able to change it. 4. Write it down The final technique for clearing your mind is to write your self-talk
down (as the thoughts occur or at a later, scheduled, time). For example, you could write in a diary or journal or on a scrap of
paper. The purpose of writing down self-talk is twofold. First, you relieve yourself of any bottled up tension or emotion associated
with the self-talk (i.e. you ‘ventilate’). Second, you get to see your self-talk in print. This might reveal to you the unreasonableness
of the self-talk, and help you “let it go,” thereby clearing your mind.
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Action plan
It’s time to action plan--consider the exact steps you will take to begin practicing what you’ve learned in this section. This is
an important step and one you should not skip. A good action plan outlines: (1) the details of what you are trying to achieve
(your goals), (2) your plan to overcome any obstacles you may encounter, (3) a measure of your day-by-day progress, and (4) a
description of how you will reward yourself.
Step 1: Choose your goals
These are the techniques of Clearing Your Mind: 1. Take a breath. 2. Stay in the moment (e.g. focus on something). 2. Schedule a
“self-talk” appointment. 3. Write it down. Pick one of the techniques (1 through 4, above) and use the space below to describe
how you will begin practicing this technique this upcoming week.
My goal is to practice…
Step 2: Identify obstacles
My potential obstacles: What might interfere with your plan of action? (e.g. motivation, forgetfulness, unsure how to do this).
Describe your potential obstacles in the space below and how you will deal with them if they arise.
For example: “I will make a schedule for my worrying time and stick to it just like I make any important appointment. This will be
an appointment with myself.”
A potential obstacle and how I will deal with it is…
Step 3: Track your progress
Tracking my progress: Successful change requires that you track your progress so that you know when you are being successful
and can monitor the small, positive changes that occur with your self-talk.
How will you track your progress? Write the details of what you can do below. For example: keep a journal or daily diary, write
down success on a piece of paper that you carry with you, post a “calendar of success” on your refrigerator, etc.
To keep track of progress, I will…
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Step 4: Reward yourself
My reward: Finally, a good action plan includes a reward. How will you reward yourself for progress? How often will you reward
yourself? How close to meeting your goals do you have to be in order to get your reward?
For example: “Every time I can ‘stay in the moment’ I’ll give myself a point. When I get 10 points, I’ll buy myself a good novel to
read” or “at the end of each week I’ll reward myself by attending a movie with a friend.”
As a reward, I will…
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Strategy 2: Get perspective
The second strategy for changing negative and/or pessimistic self-talk is to distance yourself from your beliefs and thoughts.
In other words, get some perspective. This strategy takes more effort than clearing your mind (strategy one) but can produce
more lasting effects. It’s also a strategy that you sometimes cannot do alone...to get perspective may require that you involve a
supportive friend, spouse, or partner. And it’s a strategy that requires you to sometimes endure the discomfort that comes from
openly and honestly examining self-talk. Nonetheless, this is an excellent strategy. Read onwards.
The techniques of getting perspective are as follows.
•
Talk to a supportive friend.
•
Try reframing, and
•
Consider the implications.
The details of each will be presented in sequence, followed by an action plan for putting them into actual practice.
1. Talk to a supportive friend
Perhaps the best, and most useful, way to gain perspective is to share your self-talk with a supportive friend, partner, spouse, or
confidante. By talking to others, you can:
•
Express your thoughts and concerns so that you feel better.
•
Hear yourself talk. You may hear how unreasonable or unwarranted your self-talk is.
•
Adopt a new perspective or look at things from another point of view.
•
Disconfirm your beliefs and thereby cement more positive, and optimistic, self-talk.
Who should you share these thoughts with? Choose wisely. A supportive person is someone who shares intimate information
equally with you and with whom you feel some comfort opening up to.
Of course, talking about your internal dialogue (self-talk) may not be entirely comfortable, no matter who you speak with.
However, at minimum, you should feel reassured that you will not be criticized, mocked, or put down.
Sometimes the most helpful person to speak with may not be the person you know most intimately.
Consider all of your relationships...if your self-talk concerns something at work, consider talking with someone in a similar workrelated situation but who seems to be coping better.
Or if it is a family matter, consider talking with someone who is not a part of your immediate family (to get a better perspective).
Doubting that this will help? In the words of a scholar, Jaroslav Havelka: ‘Our best friends are like cathedral windows...from the
outside they may seem drab and uninspiring but from the inside they are radiant and fascinatingly colourful.’
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2. Try reframing
Sometimes we become locked into one way of perceiving or thinking about a situation, and neglect alternative perspectives. For
example, if a glass is filled to the halfway point with liquid, is it half full or half empty? (Both perspectives are correct. There is
more than one way of describing the glass). Reframing is another technique for gaining perspective. It is the technique of looking
at a situation from a different point of view. To illustrate, imagine this. Let’s say you have a picture hanging on your living room
wall and you want to change your experience of it. You have two choices. Either replace the picture with a new one, or put a new
frame around that same picture. In the latter case, it’s the same picture, but with a new frame around it, it may look all the more
fresh and attractive!
That’s exactly what reframing is: putting a new frame around an old situation. Specifically, challenging yourself to look at your
self-talk (and the situation that elicits that self-talk) from a different perspective. Some examples:
•
Job loss is an opportunity to re-examine your skill sets and re-evaluate the direction in which you want to take your
career.
•
Work-related change may seem like a threat to your security, or it may be viewed as presenting a challenge and
opportunity.
•
The anxious thoughts you experience when preparing for an important presentation may appear unwelcome or you may
consider them a positive reminder of how much you want to do a good job. Thus, you can use these anxious thoughts to
motivate you to spend extra effort preparing.
3. Consider the implications
Finally, consider the implications of what you are saying to yourself. What good are you doing by telling yourself negative, selfcritical, and pessimistic things?
Consider the implications that negative self-talk and pessimism can have:
•
You talk yourself into quitting because you believe “it’s pointless to even try.”
•
You walk around with a dour expression because you believe “I’m not attractive.”
•
You stop exercising and overeat because you tell yourself “I’ll never lose this weight.”
•
You mismanage your finances and lose a significant sum of money because you tell yourself “I’m no good at handling
money.”
To help discover the implications and/or usefulness of your particular style of thinking, ask yourself:
•
If this thought is completely true, what does it actually say about me?
•
Am I telling myself things that are, in fact, contributing to the situation I am trying to prevent or avoid?
•
What is the impact or influence of what I am telling myself?
•
What is the most courageous and hopeful thing that I can tell myself right now?
•
Even if this is true, is it helpful for me to be thinking this right now?
This is a challenging technique to employ and requires honest self-reflection. However, it will allow you to achieve perspective on
your self-talk and open a window of opportunity to begin to change it.
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Action plan
It’s time to action plan--consider the exact steps you will take to begin practicing what you’ve learned in this section. This is an
important step and one you should not skip.
Recall, a good action plan outlines:
1. The details of what you are trying to achieve (your goals),
2. Your plan to overcome any obstacles you may encounter,
3. A measure of your day-by-day progress, and
4. A reward.
These are the techniques of getting perspective:
1. Talk to a supportive friend.
2. Try reframing.
3. Consider the implications.
Step 1: Choose your goals
My Goals: Pick one of the above techniques (1-3) and use the space below to describe how you will begin practicing this
technique this upcoming week.
My goal is…
My potential obstacles
What might interfere with your plan of action? (e.g. motivation, forgetfulness, unsure how to do this). Describe your potential
obstacles in the space below and how you will deal with them if they arise.
For example: “I know that my self-talk will happen on Monday, because that’s when I’m getting my performance evaluation. So
the week before, I’ll call my friend and schedule a time to meet them on that Monday so we can talk about it together. That way,
I’ll know that they are available.”
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Tracking my progress
Successful change requires that you track your progress so that you know when you are being successful and can monitor the
small, positive changes, that occur with your self-talk.
How will you track your progress? Write the details of what you can do below. For example: keep a journal or daily diary, write
down success on a piece of paper that you carry with you, post a “calendar of success” on your refrigerator, etc.
My reward
Finally, a good action plan includes a reward. How will you reward yourself for progress?
How often will you reward yourself? How close to meeting your goals to you have to be in order to get your reward?
For example: “Every time I reframe my situation, I’ll give myself a point. When I get 10 points, I’ll buy myself a good novel to read”
or “at the end of each week I’ll reward myself by attending a movie with a friend.”
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Strategy 3: Challenge your self-talk
This last strategy is the means to achieve lasting changes in self-talk. Consequently, it calls for the most wisdom and effort.
Challenging pessimistic or negative self-talk is like putting your beliefs on trial. You adopt a stance of both judge and juror,
weighing the evidence that supports or disproves the belief, considering alternative explanations, and rendering a new, more
reasonable and optimistic, judgement.
As with previous strategies, there are several techniques you can choose from in order to challenge your self-talk. These are:
•
Consider the facts.
•
Consider multiple possibilities. And,
•
Be your own best friend. The details of each will be presented in sequence, followed by an action plan for putting them
into actual practice.
1. Consider the facts
Considering the facts that support or refute your self-talk means proving to yourself that your thinking is factually incorrect and
inaccurate. This technique of challenging is usually fairly straightforward because your negative self-talk is likely inaccurate or
an overreaction (thus, coming up with contrary evidence won’t be too problematic). Begin by adopting the stance of a skeptical
scientist investigating a new discovery or a judge contemplating the facts of a case: “What is the evidence supporting my
thoughts.”
Ask yourself:
1. What factual evidence proves that what I am thinking is true?
2. What exactly am I basing my conclusions on?
2. Consider multiple possibilities
The next technique for challenging self-talk is to consider the multiple possibilities for what has caused the situations you find
yourself experiencing.
For example, if you receive a lukewarm reception following a presentation you’ve given, any of the following may have
contributed: you didn’t prepare your material enough, you were overtired, your audience had just previously heard bad news that
upset them, or the audience was not genuinely interested in your topic regardless of how you presented it.
There are multiple possibilities for the cause of most events. Quite often, no single cause is to blame. So why choose the
explanation that is least comforting, that depletes your self-worth, and that causes you to question your abilities?
To consider the multiple possibilities that explain any event, ask yourself:
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What other possibilities explain what has occurred?
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Am I jumping to conclusions?
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Is there any other explanation that could possibly account for this?
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No matter how unlikely or how impossible, what other possibilities exist?
Recall the focus of this course: responsible optimism. Are you being responsible to yourself when you don’t consider all of the
facts and all of the possibilities? By doing so, you are eliminating your chances of creatively adapting to changing circumstances,
of learning from mistakes, and of exploring the different solutions there are for any one situation or event.
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Responsible Optimism
3. Be your own best friend
You have undoubtedly offered helpful advice to someone at some point in your life. Perhaps a kind word, a statement of support,
or a compliment. So, when it comes to your own self-talk, offer those same kind words to yourself. Be your own best friend.
“Be your own best friend” is more than a sentimental expression. It’s a tremendously helpful and powerful technique of
challenging self-talk. And it is often harder than it may at first seem. In the pursuit of being your own best friend, ask yourself
questions like these:
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If someone I loved was thinking this way, what would I tell them?
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What would my best friend say to me to show me that my self-talk is not 100% true? Can I say this to myself?
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What is the most courageous and hopeful thing that I can tell myself right now?
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What would I want for my best friend in a similar situation?
Be a bit easier on yourself. Be as supportive and kind to yourself as you are to others. You’ll find that if you examine and challenge
your own self-talk in the manner as you do for others, you will undoubtedly discover solutions you had not thought of previously.
And in so doing, you’ll take one step closer to optimism, feelings of hope, and action, and one step further away from pessimism,
hopelessness, and inaction.
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Responsible Optimism
Action plan
Simply telling yourself positive things won’t take you as far as actually disputing and challenging your negative, pessimistic selftalk. Thus, it is particularly important to practice this strategy.
Again, it’s time to action plan--consider the exact steps you will take to begin practicing what you’ve learned in this section. This is
an important step and one you should not skip.
As this section comes to its conclusion, think about this quote and consider what meaning it has for you: “Argue for your
limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours” (Richard Bach, Illusions).
These are the techniques of disputing and refuting:
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Consider the facts.
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Consider multiple possibilities.
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Be your own best friend.
My Goals
Pick one of the above techniques and use the space below to describe how you will begin practicing this technique this upcoming
week.
My potential obstacles
What might interfere with your plan of action? (e.g. motivation, forgetfulness, unsure how to do this). Describe your potential
obstacles in the space below and how you will deal with them if they arise.
For example: “I will write down the questions that I use to dispute my self-talk on a piece of paper and carry them in my pocket.
The next time I start telling myself something negative, I’ll refer to the question on the paper.”
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Responsible Optimism
Tracking my progress
Successful change requires that you track your progress so that you know when you are being successful and can monitor the
small, positive changes, that occur with your self-talk. How will you track your progress? Write the details of what you can do
below.
For example: keep a journal or daily diary, write down success on a piece of paper that you carry with you, post a “calendar of
success” on your refrigerator, etc.
My reward
Finally, a good action plan includes a reward. How will you reward yourself for progress?
How often will you reward yourself? How close to meeting your goals to you have to be in order to get your reward?
For example: “Every time I use my challenging and disputing strategy, I’ll give myself a point. When I get 10 points, I’ll buy myself
a good novel to read” or “at the end of each week I’ll reward myself by attending a movie with a friend.”
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Responsible Optimism
Learning more about self-talk and optimism
There are a tremendous number of resources that can help you continue your learning about self-talk. Some of these are listed in
this section, and some you will find by talking with a professional (e.g. your health care provider or a mental health professional).
Some helpful websites
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American Psychological Association (http://www.apa.org)
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Mental Health InfoSource (http://www.mhsource.com)
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Oxygen “Inside Self-Discovery” (http://www.oxygen.com/self )
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Johns Hopkins University Intelihealth (http://www.intelihealth.com)
Some helpful books
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Davis, M. Eshelman, E.R., & McKay, M. (2001). The relaxation and stress reduction workbook.
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Campbell, S. (1995). From chaos to confidence.
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Seligman, M.E.P. (1993). What you can change and what you can’t.
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Seligman, M.E.P. (1998). Learned optimism.
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Reynolds, D.K. (1986). Even in summer the ice doesn’t melt.
Professional and community resources
No one is an expert at handling life’s challenges and difficulties. Getting professional assistance can often avoid or stop prolonged
suffering by helping you regain your balance and health more quickly. Sharing private thoughts and worries with others can feel
uncomfortable at first but the benefits outweigh the discomfort and it can help you gain a higher level of self-knowledge and
provide you with support to make necessary changes. You should consider getting professional help if you feel overwhelmed
emotionally, are concerned about your physical or emotional health, your own efforts at resolving your self-talk are not working
quickly or effectively, and/or you notice that your suffering is significantly impacting your work or the lives of people important to
you.
Conclusion
This course has intended to help you recognize and change negative or pessimistic self-talk into responsibly optimistic self-talk. In
other words to turn hopelessness into hopefulness, inaction to action, and rigidity to resilience.
As you’ve learned throughout the course, changing your self-talk is about looking at situations from a fresh point of view. It is
about opening your mind and your spirit up to the multiple possibilities that you have to respond to any one situation. And it is
about applying conscious, ongoing, intentional effort to living your life fully.
When in doubt about your self-talk, ask yourself one simple question: “If someone I cared for were telling themselves this kind
of self-talk, what advice would I give?” By answering that question for yourself, you will have found one of the keys to continued
resilience, motivation, and happiness: responsible optimism.
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