The Mechanics of
Scientific Writing
W.S. Warner, Ph.D.
Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5
Analysis and Structure
IMRAD and Argue
Tables, Figures, Citation, Punctuation
Clarity and Cohesion
Concision, Precision, Review
Everything should be made as
simple as possible, but not simpler.
Albert Einstein
Concision
Think of the reader
Unnecessary duplication
Meaningless words
Avoid the negative
Concision
expressing much
in a few words
The point I want to make here is that we can see that American policy in
regard to foreign countries at the State Department in Washington and
the White house have put together and made it public to the world has
given material and moral support to too many foreign factions in other
countries that have controlled power and have then had to give up power
to other factions that have defeated them.
Our foreign policy has backed too many losers.
Losers? Replace slang with precise words.
Less is more
1. Compress into the fewest clear words.
2. Don’t state what reader can easily assume.
In my personal opinion, we must listen to and think over in a punctilious
manner each and every suggestion that is offered to us.
•
•
•
•
•
•
Opinion can only be personal; cut personal.
The statement is implicitly opinion; cut In my opinion.
Listen to and think over means consider.
Punctilious manner means carefully.
Each and every is redundant; cut and every.
A suggestion is something offered to someone; cut that is offered to us.
We must consider each suggestion carefully.
Simplify structure
• Strengthen the verb
The proposal did not make an estimate of costs.
• Avoid is, are, was and were
The project leader is responsible for monitoring and balancing the budget.
The project leader monitors and balances the budget.
There was another video that explained agro-ecology.
• It can generate excess words
It is important that hikers remain inside park boundaries.
Hikers must remain inside park boundaries.
Redundant Pairs
full and complete
true and accurate
hopes and desires
hope and trust
each and every
any and all
various and sundry
basic and fundamental
and so on and so forth
first and foremost
willing and able
So think what you’re writing!
Redundant Modifiers
One word implies another:
completely finished… various different
each individual… basic fundamentals
true facts… short summary… exact same
future plans… planning ahead
consensus of opinion… safe haven
first introduced… initial preparation
end result… final outcome
the reason why… the reason is because
new innovation… most unique
Added bonus… Free gift!
preposition is redundant:
revolve around… return back
penetrate into… split apart
progress forward… continue on.
It’s free?
The reason why we should not try
to anticipate in advance those
final outcomes is because past
history tells us that it has been
the ultimate outcome of little
events that has unexpectedly
surprised us.
We should not try to anticipate
outcomes because history tells us
that the effect of little events has
most surprised us.
Redundant Categories
large size
of a bright color
faster speed
cheapest price
heavy weight
round shape
uncertain condition
at this point in time
confused state
strange type
unusual in nature
The educational process and
athletic activities are the
responsibility of the county
governmental systems.
regulation, education,
administration… system
Education and athletics are the
responsibility of the county.
Meaningless Words
• Meaningful – a worthless adjective
– His was a meaningful contribution.
– His contribution counted heavily. Changed our minds?
• Interesting – an unconvincing word
– An interesting point is…
– Tell the point without preamble.
• Foreseeable
– The foreseeable future…
– How much is foreseeable?
• Factor, feature – add nothing, be direct
– The interview was an important factor…
– A feature of the press conference…
Meaningless Modifiers
For all intents and purposes, good
really
writing generally depends on
kind of
certain factors that are really more
common sense in kind than any
actually
given grammatical aspect.
virtually
basically
Good writing depends more on
generally
common sense than grammar.
definitely
personally
any given thoughtful notion?
practically
any given emotional feeling?
essentially
for all intents and purposes…
Meaningless Expressions
The fact… The truth…
• Owing to the fact that
• Science is based upon
facts not myths.
Since (because)
• The truth is always
• In spite of the fact that
evident with proof.
Though (although)
• The truth is he was unaware.
He was unaware.
• The truth of the fact is that the speech is banal.
The speech is banal.
Pompous Diction
Contingent upon – dependent on
Utilization – use
Endeavor – try
Termination – end
Cognizant of – aware of
Facilitate – help
Is desirous – wants
Implement – start, begin
Envisage – think, regard, see
Apprise – inform
Eventuate – happen
Transpire – happen
Prior to – before
Subsequent to - after
Pursuant to the recent promulgation issued
June 23, 2012, because of temporal
exigencies, it is incumbent upon us all to
endeavor to make maximal utilization of
electronic communication in lieu of
unannounced personal visitation at
management’s center for improved written
communication.
As explained June 23, to save time, email
appointments instead of dropping in the
editorial office.
Belaboring the Obvious
Imagine a picture of someone
engaged in the activity of trying
to learn the rules for playing the
game of chess.
•
•
•
•
Imagine implies picture
Trying to learn implies engaged in
an activity
Chess implies game
Game implies playing
Imagine someone trying to learn
the rules of chess.
The potential market is an area that
is located geographically in Ghana.
People who are poor often do not
have money or secured income, or
their expenses are greater than
their income, or both.
Words that compress common phrases
because, since, why
• the reason for
• for the reason that
• due to the fact that
• owing to the fact that
• in light of the fact that
• on the grounds that
• this is why
although, even though
• despite the fact that
• regardless of the fact that
• notwithstanding the fact that
if
• in the event that
• if it should transpire/happen that
when
• on the occasion of
• in a situation in which
• under circumstances in which
about
• as regards
• in reference to
• with regard to
• concerning the matter of
Words that compress common phrases
must, should
• it is crucial that
• it is necessary that
• there is a need/necessity for
• it is important that
• it is incumbent upon
• cannot be avoided
can
• is able to
• is in a position to
• has the capacity for
• has the ability to
may, might, can, could
• it is possible that
• there is a chance that
• it could happen that
• the possibility exists
before, after, as
• prior to
• in anticipation of
• subsequent to
• following on
• at the same time as
• simultaneously with
More Padding
Who is
The author, who is a
microbiologist…
The author, a microbiologist…
• Which was
Poverty, which was NORAD’s first
priority…
Poverty, NORAD’s first priority
Case
In many cases, the samples
were…
Many samples were...
Nature/Character
Acts of a hostile nature…
Acts of a hostile character…
Hostile acts…
Wordy Introduction
• Metadiscourse - writing about writing
– author will explain, argue, discuss, contrast, expand, summarize…
– Examine metadiscourse followed by topic
In this paper, I will discuss NGO’s neglect of gender issues in Ethiopia.
Revise to introduce topic: In Ethiopia, NGOs neglect gender issues.
• Often Unnecessary
In the next section of this paper, it is my intention to deal with the
problem of sampling. The first thing I want to say is that sampling is…
The next problem is sampling.
• Often buries the idea
The last point I would like to make here is that in regard to men-women
relationships, it is important to keep in mind that the greatest changes
have probably occurred in the way men and women seem to be working
next to one another.
Men and women have changed their relationships most in the way they
work together.
Keep the Topic Visible
Combine Short Sentences
Avoid Anonymous Claims
Obama was very ambitious. This led him
to wish to become President of the United
States. His advisors told him this wish
would come true. The other presidential
candidate was Republican George McCain.
The Republicans were in the White House
at this time. Encouraged by his advisors,
Obama campaigned on the issue of
change. He did so successfully and
became President rather than McCain.
observed, found, seen, noticed, noted,
remarked, been said
Communicating during a crisis has been
found to enhance the company’s
reputation.
Encouraged by his advisors, Obama
achieved his ambition and beat McCain to
the then Republican White House by
campaigning for change.
Unless you have a reason to hedge, omit
unspecified observation.
Communicating during a crisis enhances
the company’s reputation.
Multiple
Negatives
(−2) × (−3) = 6
Two negatives make a positive.
It is not uncommon. = It is common.
It is unlikely, that it won’t work. = It is likely to work.
Not unreasonably inefficient = ?
reasonably inefficient
unreasonably efficient
Not the Negative
•
•
These sentences are the same. •
– Don’t write in the negative.
– Write in the affirmative.
Make negatives affirmatives:
– not many = few
– not the same = different
•
– not different = alike
– does not have = lacks
•
– not old enough = too young
– did not remember = forgot
– did not consider = ignored
– did not allow = prevented
– not possible = impossible
Combine negatives with passives and
nominalizations in complex sentences
and your writing becomes opaque:
Disengagement of the gears is not
possible without unlocking mechanism
release.
Confusing: one negative is conditional
of another.
Change negatives to the affirmatives:
– nominalization into clauses
– passives into actives
To disengage the gears, release
the locking mechanism.
Less Negative
• Generally, the reader
– is dissatisfied when told only
what is not
– Wishes to be told what is
More Positive
•
•
• Principle: express negative in •
positive form.
•
• Negative words other than
not are usually strong.
•
• You will be more concise.
Not honest =
dishonest
Not important =
minor, trifling
Did not remember =
forgot
Did not pay attention =
ignored
Did not have much confidence =
shy, wary, distrusted
Negative + Positive = Strong
Negative and positive can strengthen a point.
Not that I loved Caesar less, but I loved Rome more.
Ask not what your country can do for you –
ask what you can do for your country.
The issue is not correlation, rather, causation.
Censors do not supplement freedom, they supplant it.
The evidence is not opinion, but fact;
not feeling, but thinking; not emotion, but logic.
Hedges and Emphatics
Hedges make exceptions.
Emphatics emphasize thoughts.
Used too often, we sound uncertain.
Used to excess, we seem arrogant,
defensive.
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
usually
often
sometimes
almost
virtually
possibly
perhaps
apparently
seemingly
in some ways more or less
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
it is generally agreed that
it is quite true that
the fact is
obviously
we can plainly see
it is obvious that
invariably
as everyone knows
It is clear that
Do Not
Sacrifice Precision for Concision
• Non-debatable thesis: Pollution is bad for the environment.
– “pollution” implies that something is bad or negative
– All studies agree that pollution is a problem, they simply disagree on
the impact it will have or the scope of the problem.
– No one could reasonably argue that pollution is good.
• Debatable thesis: At least twenty-five percent of the federal
budget should be spent on limiting pollution.
– Some might agree: this is how we should spend the nation's money.
– Others might think that we should spend less money on pollution.
– Still others could argue that corporations, not the government, should
be paying to limit pollution.
“Drug use is detrimental to society”
Too concise
– What is “drug use?"
• Illegal drug use?
• Recreational drug use (which might include alcohol and cigarettes)?
• Uses of medication in general?
–
In what ways are drugs “detrimental?”
• Causing deaths: from overdoses or from drug related violence?
• Changing the moral climate?
• Causing the economy to decline?
– What does the author mean by "society?"
• Only to Norway or to the global population?
• Any distinction between the effects on children and adults?
Precision
Precise logic
Precise words
Precise structure
Precision: essence of style
•
•
•
•
Administrator hates waste
Engineer economizes materials
Artisan prefers elegant work
Athlete is never sloppy
Words reflect Ideas
• very
• little
• quite
• rather
• pretty
• somewhat
• and so forth
• considerable
• the vast majority
• etc.
Precision Holds Attention
• specific not general
• definite not vague
• concrete not abstract
•
A period of unfavorable weather set in.
It rained every day.
The results did not seem satisfactory.
False data invalidated the test .
•
Vague and general
In proportion as the customs of the
nation are cruel and barbarous, the
regulations of its penal code will be
severe.
Vivid and particular
In proportion as Americans defend
corporal punishment will they
torture by water-boarding and
execute by hanging.
Abstract vs Concrete
• Abstract nouns = qualities and ideas
justice, poverty, realism, dignity, truth
• Concrete nouns = experiences and objects
prison, AK-47, E. coli, migraine, vertigo
• Abstract is often necessary, but prefer concrete alternatives
The UN addressed the challenges of the future: problems
concerning the environment and world peace.
The UN addressed the challenges of the future: climate change,
food security, and control of nuclear weapons.
Avoid the dull
and imprecise
thing
area
factor
individual
?
• A career in diplomacy offers many things.
opportunities, hardships, foreign travel
abstract
concrete
• Trust an individual with technical experience.
experienced technician
• An area of consideration is the individual factor of the
thing itself.
Avoid Doubt
•
•
Save doubt for real uncertainty
– Would
– Should
– Could
– May
– Might
– Can
If every sentence admits doubt,
your writing will lack authority
Students can enhance their papers by
revealing insight.
Students enhance their papers by
revealing insight.
Precision might be ranked among the
most important qualities of good writing.
Precision is one of the most important
qualities of good writing.
Avoid Clichés
• Fashionable in conversation, boring in writing
• No originality, ingenuity and impact
add insult to injury
green with envy
face the music
sad but true
people - Which ones?
everyday life – omit or specify
in today's society – Today? Who is "society"?
this day and age – Which age: digital technology, globalization?
Jargon or Professionalism?
Specialized language used among a
profession
Use it only when plain English will
not do as well
For years the indigenous body
politic of South Africa attempted
to negotiate legal enfranchisement
without result.
For years the native population
of South Africa negotiated in
vain for the right to vote.
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
green
footprint
blue chips
land grabbing
high technology
environmentally friendly
Political labels
– liberal, conservative
– left, right
Avoid
Pretention
Language so ornate and
wordy it obscures the topic
When our progenitors reach their
silver-haired and golden years,
we frequently ensepulcher them
in homes for senescent beings as
if they were amongst the
deceased.
When our parents become old,
we frequently bury them in oldage homes as if they were already
dead.
ameliorate
commence
component
endeavor
exit
facilitate
factor
finalize
impact on
indicator
mitigate
parameter
peruse
prior to
utilize
viable
improve
begin
part
try
leave
help
cause
finish
affect
sign
ease
limit
read
before
use
workable
Avoid Euphemisms
Needlessly evasive, nice-sounding
words substituted for the harsh:
Adult entertainment
Negative savings
Strategic withdrawal
Revenue enhancers
Chemical dependency
Incendiary device
Correctional facility
Immature scholarship
pornography
debts
retreat
taxes
drug addiction
bomb
prison
plagiarism
Economically deprived
Avoid Shortcuts
• And/or – can be confusing
– Would a new strategy increase visibility and/or transparency?
– Would a new strategy increase visibility or transparency or both?
• Etc. – “and other things”
– Avoid if etc. leaves reader in doubt
• The report included interviews, data, tables, etc.
• The focus-group samples were numbered sequentially, 1, 2, 3, etc.
– Do not use etc. if list is introduced by
• Such as
• For example
What’s this/it?
Visiting scientists watched
as ground was broken for
the new heating plant
with wood-burning
technology. This/It is the
first visible evidence of
UMB’s plan for
modernization and
expansion.
Visiting scientists watched
as ground was broken for
the new heating plant
with wood-burning
technology. The
ceremony or technology?
afforded first visible
evidence of UMB’s plan
for modernization and
expansion.
Thesaurus
• Offers synonyms
• Look up alternative(s) in dictionary
–
–
–
–
–
hypothesis
conjecture
speculation
assumption
premise
• Select the appropriate
Criteria
• Concise – try to be brief
• Clear – never sacrifice clarity to be brief
• Precise – never sacrifice precision
Difference between good and bad writing is
care and carelessness.