Humbug!
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
Dear Beloved Year Six,
Please try to work through these sheets before term.They will be used in our extension lessons and for interview
discussions. I have chosens extracts which should interest and challenge you, and flex up your mental muscles
for interviews and other comprehension-type exercises. Do discuss them with your family too. These sheets
complement the materials given by Paul C , Joe J and Janet. Such materials help you as you face the possible
exams in January and beyond. The two poems at the end are pretty demanding and I am going to let you
wrestle with them. I will give you a Crunchie if you can memorise The Darkling Thrush: it is one of the greatest
poems ever written.
We want you all to have a good holiday and although this looks like work, it isn’t really! It is a Christmas Gift to
stimulate you when you are bored of TV silliness and your presents!
Please download the electronic version to your computer. It is on the St. Anthony’s website, under Curriculum, and has
been sent to your family e-mail address.
Turn over for your first treat! Lots of simply execrable jokes. Can you divide them into TYPES of joke? How many types
can you spot or define.
Please get into the habit of looking up words you don’t know.
Execrable (/ˈɛksɪkrəb(ə)l/)
adjective: execrable
extremely bad or unpleasant.
"execrable cheap wine"……
synonyms: appalling, awful, dreadful, terrible, frightful, atrocious, very bad, lamentable;
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
You were warned!
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!
Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!
How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws
What says Oh Oh Oh?
Santa walking backwards!
Who is Santa's favourite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!
What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf!
What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Krisp Kringle!
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!
Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught!
Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle!
What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
One that's deep pan, crisp and even!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws!
What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!
What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?
25. There’s "no EL"!
What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross Mouse Cards!
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decora
tions?
Tinsilitis!
What's the most popular Christmas wine?
'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!
Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters?
They keep losing their needles!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells!
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
Mistle-toad!
Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas?
Noël Coward!
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum – you just can’t beat it!
How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf?
He has Santa claws!
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we'll go places!
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer!
What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast?
The One Show!
What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker!
Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?
Because he has private elf care!
How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger!
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered!
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
What do ghosts eat at Christmas?
Ghoulash
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk
Why don’t ducks tell jokes when they’re flying?
Because they’d quack up
What is Santa’s favourite pizza?
One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even
What do you call someone that’s scared of Santa?
Claustrophobic
What athlete is the warmest at Christmas?
A long jumper
What’s E.T. short for?
Because he’s only got little legs
What is the most popular King at Christmas?
A stocking
Why did the snowman come first at the Winter Olympics?
There was snow competition
What award goes to designers of doorknockers?
Nobel prize
What kind of paper likes music?
Wrapping paper
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
Gracefully falling
Crystals of pure perfection
No two are alike.
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
Gracefully falling (5 syllables)
Crystals of pure perfection (7 syllables)
No two are alike. (5 Syllables)
Can you compose 3 Haikus on:
1. SNOW
E.G.
A silent blanket (5)
giving earth a duvet day (7)
Nature’s chance to rest (5)
2. SPRING
3. SUMMER?
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
A Famous Christmas Moment
PRIVATE HEATH LETTER: North Mail, Friday January 9th 1915
Out of the dozens of Christmas Truce letters transcribed to date, this one stands out from all the rest. Partly, it's
because Private Heath writes about the whole truce, from beginning to end. But also it's the beautiful way it is
written. Was he a writer? Sadly, we know nothing about him other than his name and this letter. It was found and
transcribed by Marian Robson. Please read this account carefully. Please pay careful attention to the
words/phrases highlighted in yellow. Try to work out their meaning in context, then do the exercise
which follows.
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
That Christmas Armistice
A Plum Pudding Policy Which Might Have Ended The War
Written in the trenches by Private Frederick W. Heath
The night closed in early - the ghostly shadows that haunt the trenches came to keep us company as we stood
to arms. Under a pale moon, one could just see the grave-like rise of ground which marked the German trenches
two hundred yards away. Fires in the English lines had died down, and only the squelch of the sodden boots in
the slushy mud, the whispered orders of the officers and the NCOs, and the moan of the wind broke the silence
of the night. The soldiers' Christmas Eve had come at last, and it was hardly the time or place to feel grateful for
it.
Memory in her shrine kept us in a trance of saddened silence. Back somewhere in England, the fires were
burning in cosy rooms; in fancy I heard laughter and the thousand melodies of reunion on Christmas Eve. With
overcoat thick with wet mud, hands cracked and sore with the frost, I leaned against the side of the trench, and,
looking through my loophole, fixed weary eyes on the German trenches. Thoughts surged madly in my mind; but
they had no sequence, no cohesion. Mostly they were of home as I had known it through the years that had
brought me to this. I asked myself why I was in the trenches in misery at all, when I might have been in England
warm and prosperous. That involuntary question was quickly answered. For is there not a multitude of houses in
England, and has not someone to keep them intact? I thought of a shattered cottage in -- , and felt glad that I
was in the trenches. That cottage was once somebody's home.
Still looking and dreaming, my eyes caught a flare in the darkness. A light in the enemy's trenches was so rare at
that hour that I passed a message down the line. I had hardly spoken when light after light sprang up along the
German front. Then quite near our dug-outs, so near as to make me start and clutch my rifle, I heard a voice.
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
There was no mistaking that voice with its guttural ring. With ears strained, I listened, and then, all down our line
of trenches there came to our ears a greeting unique in war: "English soldier, English soldier, a merry Christmas,
a merry Christmas!"
Friendly invitation
Following that salute boomed the invitation from those harsh voices: "Come out, English soldier; come out here
to us." For some little time we were cautious, and did not even answer. Officers, fearing treachery, ordered the
men to be silent. But up and down our line one heard the men answering that Christmas greeting from the
enemy. How could we resist wishing each other a Merry Christmas, even though we might be at each other's
throats immediately afterwards? So we kept up a running conversation with the Germans, all the while our hands
ready on our rifles. Blood and peace, enmity and fraternity - war's most amazing paradox. The night wore on to
dawn - a night made easier by songs from the German trenches, the pipings of piccolos and from our broad lines
laughter and Christmas carols. Not a shot was fired, except for down on our right, where the French artillery
were at work.
Came the dawn, pencilling the sky with grey and pink. Under the early light we saw our foes moving recklessly
about on top of their trenches. Here, indeed, was courage; no seeking the security of the shelter but a brazen
invitation to us to shoot and kill with deadly certainty. But did we shoot? Not likely! We stood up ourselves and
called benisons on the Germans. Then came the invitation to fall out of the trenches and meet half way.
Still cautious we hung back. Not so the others. They ran forward in little groups, with hands held up above their
heads, asking us to do the same. Not for long could such an appeal be resisted - beside, was not the courage up
to now all on one side? Jumping up onto the parapet, a few of us advanced to meet the on-coming Germans.
Out went the hands and tightened in the grip of friendship. Christmas had made the bitterest foes friends.
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
The Gift of Gifts
Here was no desire to kill, but just the wish of a few simple soldiers (and no one is quite so simple as a soldier)
that on Christmas Day, at any rate, the force of fire should cease. We gave each other cigarettes and exchanged
all manner of things. We wrote our names and addresses on the field service postcards, and exchanged them
for German ones. We cut the buttons off our coats and took in exchange the Imperial Arms of Germany. But the
gift of gifts was Christmas pudding. The sight of it made the Germans' eyes grow wide with hungry wonder, and
at the first bite of it they were our friends for ever. Given a sufficient quantity of Christmas puddings, every
German in the trenches before ours would have surrendered.
And so we stayed together for a while and talked, even though all the time there was a strained feeling of
suspicion which rather spoilt this Christmas armistice. We could not help remembering that we were enemies,
even though we had shaken hands. We dare not advance too near their trenches lest we saw too much, nor
could the Germans come beyond the barbed wire which lay before ours. After we had chatted, we turned back to
our respective trenches for breakfast.
All through the day no shot was fired, and all we did was talk to each other and make confessions which,
perhaps, were truer at that curious moment than in the normal times of war. How far this unofficial truce
extended along the lines I do not know, but I do know that what I have written here applies to the -- on our side
and the 158th German Brigade, composed of Westphalians.
As I finish this short and scrappy description of a strangely human event, we are pouring rapid fire into the
German trenches, and they are returning the compliment just as fiercely. Screeching through the air above us
are the shattering shells of rival batteries of artillery. So we are back once more to the ordeal of fire.
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
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squelch
sodden
trance of saddened silence
in fancy
no cohesion
prosperous.
multitude
involuntary
guttural ring.
boomed
fearing treachery,
enmity and fraternity
war's most amazing paradox
the pipings of piccolos
recklessly
brazen invitation
benisons
the parapet,
Imperial Arms
armistice.
our respective trenches
confessions
German Brigade, composed of Westphalians.
rapid fire
batteries of artillery.
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
Fill in the missing part of the grids. I have done quite a lot for you; fill these in USING the electronic
copies! The boxes will expand with your typing or picture pasting!
Tricky
Give Definition! Give helpful image to define Write out 2 alternative
Word/phrase?
the word/idea/phrase.
sentences showing you
know
what
the
word/phrase means!
squelch
sodden
adjective:.
saturated
with liquid, especially
water; soaked through.
"
"the sodden ground"
antonyms: dry, arid
•
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
trance of
silence
saddened
in fancy
superficial or transient
feeling of liking or
attraction.
‘He was able to indulge his
fancy to own a Porsche’
"this was no passing
fancy, but a feeling
he would live by"
the faculty of
imagination.
"he is prone to flights
of fancy"
no cohesion
There was no cohesion in the
England Cricket team; it fell apart
under pressure.
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
prosperous.
successful in material
terms;
flourishing
financially.
This area is full of prosperous
middle-class professionals
"prosperous
middleclass professionals"
involuntary
adjective: involuntary
She gave an involuntary shudder.
1.done without will or
conscious control.
antonyms: voluntary,
deliberate
2. done against
someone's will.
multitude
guttural ring.
Adjective
He heard guttural shouts in a
foreign language.
guttural (of a speech
sound) produced in the
throat; harsh-sounding.
synonyms: throaty,
husky, gruff, gravelly,
growly, growling,
croaky, croaking, harsh,
harsh-sounding, rough,
rasping,
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
boomed
verb
Thunder boomed in the sky.
past tense: boomed;
make a loud, deep,
resonant sound.
synonyms:
reverberate, resound,
resonate; More
fearing treachery,
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
enmity and fraternity
war's most amazing
paradox.
the
pipings
piccolos
of
recklessly
He drove so recklessly, it was lucky
nobody was killed.
brazen invitation
It was odd that Mr Cameron should such
make a brazen invitation to Mr Milliband.
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
benisons
noun literary
noun: benison; plural
noun: benisons
He enjoyed the rewards
benisons of a good school!
and
a blessing.
the parapet,
Imperial Arms
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
armistice.
An armistice is a situation
in a war where the warring
parties agree to stop
fighting.
It
is
not
necessarily the end of a
war, since it might be just
a cessation of hostilities
while an attempt is made
to negotiate a lasting
peace.
It is derived from the Latin
arma, meaning weapons
and statium, meaning a
stopping.
our
trenches
respective
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
confessions
German Brigade,
composed
Westphalians.
of
rapid fire
batteries of artillery.
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
President Obama addressed the memorial for former South African president Nelson Mandela; this is a
transcript of his remarks as delivered.
Please read this speech as carefully as you can. Pay special attention to the words highlighted.
At his trial in 1964, Nelson Mandela closed his statement from the dock saying: “I have fought against white
domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free
society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to
live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.”
And Nelson Mandela lived for that ideal, and he made it real. He achieved more than could be expected of any
man. Today, he has gone home. And we have lost one of the most influential, courageous, and profoundly good
human beings that any of us will share time with on this Earth. He no longer belongs to us – he belongs to the
ages.
Through his fierce dignity and unbending will to sacrifice his own freedom for the freedom of others, Madiba
transformed South Africa – and moved all of us. His journey from a prisoner to a president embodied the
promise that human beings – and countries – can change for the better.
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
His commitment to transfer power and reconcile with those who jailed him set an example that all humanity
should aspire to, whether in the lives of nations or our own personal lives. And the fact that he did it all with
grace and good humour, and an ability to acknowledge his own imperfections, only makes the man that much
more remarkable. As he once said, “I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on
trying.”
I am one of the countless millions who drew inspiration from Nelson Mandela’s life. My very first political action,
the first thing I ever did that involved an issue or a policy or politics, was a protest against apartheid. I studied his
words and his writings. The day that he was released from prison gave me a sense of what human beings can
do when they’re guided by their hopes and not by their fears. And like so many around the globe, I cannot fully
imagine my own life without the example that Nelson Mandela set, and so long as I live I will do what I can to
learn from him.
To Graca Machel and his family, Michelle and I extend our deepest sympathy and gratitude for sharing this
extraordinary man with us. His life’s work meant long days away from those who loved him the most. And I only
hope that the time spent with him these last few weeks brought peace and comfort to his family.
To the people of South Africa, we draw strength from the example of renewal, and reconciliation, and resilience
that you made real. A free South Africa at peace with itself – that’s an example to the world, and that’s Madiba’s
legacy to the nation he loved.
We will not likely see the likes of Nelson Mandela again. So it falls to us as best we can to forward the example
that he set: to make decisions guided not by hate, but by love; to never discount the difference that one person
can make; to strive for a future that is worthy of his sacrifice.
For now, let us pause and give thanks for the fact that Nelson Mandela lived – a man who took history in his
hands, and bent the arc of the moral universe toward justice. May God bless his memory and keep him in peace.
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
Think now about what the highlighted word mean. If you were asked to read this and explain them, what would
you say?
from the dock
domination,
cherished
the ideal
reconcile
aspire to,
and good humour,
imperfections,
renewal
reconciliation,
resilience
and bent the arc of the moral universe toward justice.
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
Please read these two poems really carefully and be ready to discuss them in our extension lessons
when we come back in January.
Snowflakes
Out of the bosom of the Air.
Out of the cloud-folds of her garments shaken,
Over the woodlands brown and bare,
Over the harvest-fields forsaken,
Silent and soft and slow
Descends the snow.
Even as our cloudy fancies take
Suddenly shape in some divine expression,
Even as the troubled heart doth make
In the white countenance confession,
The troubled sky reveals
The grief it feels
This is the poem of the air,
Slowly in silent syllables recorded;
This is the secret of despair,
Long in its cloudy bosom hoarded,
Now whispered and revealed
To wood and field.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlLiJDsBDBA
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013
The Darkling Thrush
I leant upon a coppice gate
When Frost was spectre-grey,
And Winter's dregs made desolate
The weakening eye of day.
The tangled bine-stems scored the sky
Like strings of broken lyres,
And all mankind that haunted nigh
Had sought their household fires.
The land's sharp features seemed to be
The Century's corpse outleant,
His crypt the cloudy canopy,
The wind his death-lament.
The ancient pulse of germ and birth
Was shrunken hard and dry,
And every spirit upon earth
Seemed fervourless as I.
At once a voice arose among
The bleak twigs overhead
In a full-hearted evensong
Of joy illimited;
An aged thrush, frail, gaunt, and small,
In blast-beruffled plume,
Had chosen thus to fling his soul
Upon the growing gloom.
So little cause for carolings
Of such ecstatic sound
Was written on terrestrial things
Afar or nigh around,
That I could think there trembled through
His happy good-night air
Some blessed Hope, whereof he knew
And I was unaware.
Thomas Hardy 1840–1928
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BQDH2W4aq0
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Paul’s Year Six Christmas Cracker: 2013