The last Movie
By Ryan Batchel
Ann said she just couldn't deal with dinner tonight because of the kind of day she'd had.
Standing over the sink wiping off the counter with a sponge, she vomited the whole day
out while Kip nodded his head and dialed the number to the Chinese place. He ordered
Szechwan shrimp, and Ann went on about how their two-year-old Ellie had gotten into
the spice rack and dumped each jar until she managed to rub chilly powder into her eyes.
Kip asked for egg drop soup. Then Ann said how she came in thinking maybe the kid was
getting mauled by wild boars. Kip ordered Buddha's Delight. Ann said she tried to soothe
their daughter whose flailing arms smelled like cinnamon and cumin. Ellie could not be
comforted; she screamed in her mother's face as if to blame her for bringing her into the
kind of world where a child could get her hands on chilly powder. Kip ordered pork fried
rice.
"Can you rub my shoulders? I have a kin
backed up. The last thing he wanted afte1
to talk to anybody, but every day he was ~
and usually spent the better part of the e'
again.
"I need to go grab the food. Say, can we t
gives me the creeps, and we have more dt
"Stupid picture? That is your daughter."
was out of the whole rub the shoulders ti
He gathered his keys and wallet while he
sake. That white glob floating in outer sr
like one of those aliens that lays an egg ir
"So there I am," she went on, "trying to wash Ellie's eyes out in the kitchen sink when I
hear a ruckus in the den. I run in there and guess where your son was?"
"My womb is outer space?" she alleged.
"You want egg rolls or crab Rangoon?" Kip asked, holding one hand over the receiver.
"That's not what I'm saying. Look, it's si:
when they still have tails and gills. Hell, \
sperm and plaster them up there too, kir
"Whatever. Are you listening to my story?" Her hands found her hips and her whole
posture went askew.
"Where? Where was he?" Kip cycled his hand, the universal sign for go on.
"Underneath the globe! He pulled the globe and the stand right down on top of him.
Scared me half to death," she put her hand on her heart. "I thought for sure he broke
something."
He saw that she was taking this all more
"You know what, Kip Tucker? You've ch
tencing.
"Changed? What's that mean?"
'Tm just saying," she finished, and went
"... and an order of pot stickers," said Kip. He wondered for just a second if by broke
something Ann meant a bone or something like one of his signed baseballs in a glass case.
"I thought we were keeping the den locked when I'm not at home." He said.
"That's not helpful."
"Sorry. You're right, it isn't ... huh?" he directed into the receiver. "Tucker. Kip Tucker.
Twenty minutes? Okay, see you then." He hung up the phone and looked in the living
room at Ellie and Wayne who were blissed out in front of the wide screen, their smooth
faces glowing blue, their torsos swaying to the songs of sentient vegetables. Ellie had her
whole fist in her mouth and Kip could see a line of glistening slobber streaming down her
arm. "Ellie get your fingers out of your mouth," he called.
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Short Stories
Kip left for the Chinese place, defeated.
"I'm just saying" tactic. That phrase som•
critique, invulnerable to challenge or cor
was a stream of words from which she ch
was not responsible for them, and theref.
produced. She was just saying. Kip just\\>
While he drove he decided to tally up ju:
wouldn't get the drop on him. Learning
wasn't a bad player, though as far puttin!
The Last Movie - Analecta
t because of the kind of day she'd had.
a sponge, she vomited the whole day
lber to the Chinese place. He ordered
~ir two-year-old Ellie had gotten into
ged to rub chilly powder into her eyes.
he came in thinking maybe the kid was
's Delight. Ann said she tried to soothe
namon and cumin. Ellie could not be
to blame her for bringing her into the
t chilly powder. Kip ordered pork fried
"Can you rub my shoulders? I have a kink." Ann spun and backed into him and he
backed up. The last thing he wa!'ted after work was to massage somebody; he barely wanted
to talk to anybody, but every day he was ambushed by Ann with some epic tale of disaster
and usually spent the better part of the evening putting her and the house back together
again.
"I need to go grab the food. Say, can we take this stupid picture off the fridge already? It
gives me the creeps, and we have more developed ones now anyways."
"Stupid picture? That is your daughter." She was spitting venom now but then again he
was out of the whole rub the shoulders thing.
He gathered his keys and wallet while he spoke. "I didn't say she was stupid, for Christ's
sake. That white glob floating in outer space could be anyone's kid. Look at it, Ann! It's
like one of those aliens that lays an egg in someone's throat."
s eyes out in the kitchen sink when I
vhere your son was?"
"My womb is outer space?" she alleged.
1olding one hand over the receiver.
"That's not what I'm saying. Look, it's spooky is all and a little weird having baby pictures
when they still have tails and gills. Hell, why not just get some x-rays of your eggs and my
sperm and plaster them up there too, kind of a future family picture."
1ds found her hips and her whole
He saw that she was taking this all more seriously than he was.
universal sign for go on.
h.e stand right down on top of him.
heart. "I thought for sure he broke
"You know what, Kip Tucker? You've changed." She said this with the finality of a sentencing.
"Changed? What's that mean?"
'Tm just saying," she finished, and went to join her children at the vegetable concert.
lered for just a second if by broke
te of his signed baseballs in a glass case.
m not at home." He said.
' the receiver. "Tucker. Kip Tucker.
J the phone and looked in the living
·ont of the wide screen, their smooth
; of sentient vegetables. Ellie had her
·glistening slobber streaming down her
called.
Kip left for the Chinese place, defeated. He had never found a way around or through the
'Tm just saying" tactic. That phrase somehow rendered whatever Ann said impervious to
critique, invulnerable to challenge or contradiction; as if running through the air above her
was a stream of words from which she channeled the truth, but she did not own the words,
was not responsible for them, and therefore was not attached to the utterance the words
produced. She was just saying. Kip just wanted some Chinese food and a movie.
While he drove he decided to tally up just what had changed about him so next time Ann
wouldn't get the drop on him. Learning to play golf, for example; that was recent. He
wasn't a bad player, though as far putting was concerned he was about an inch from lousy.
107
Kip had given up on reading-who read anymore anyways?-and took up watching
professional sports when he went into sales. Sure, he knew it wasn't Tolstoy; he wasn't
a complete dope, but in the world of sales, in Kip's case selling bathroom and kitchen
faucets for recreational vehicles, the code to success was one's command of the proper
rituals and nomenclature. He also owned a snowblower that could clear his driveway
in three passes clean and blast the snow into the next county. In fact, Kip couldn't wait
for the winter so he could watch all his neighbors covet big red "Betsy" as he named
her. Then he'd call across the street to Ed Marshalevski who would be cursing at his
crummy little Toro and offer to let him borrow Betsy. Ed would shake his head and
pretend that he was having a sweet time with his coughing, hacking, smoke sputtering
sad machine. He'd also voted republican in the last two presidential elections, and it
had absolutely nothing to do with pamphlets passed out at the Methodist Bastion for
Christ's Legions he and Ann attended with the kids on Sunday. This had been her
idea; kids needed a firm foundation, she'd said, and that was fine. The best part of it
for him was that he'd made a game out of discovering who all the other peekers during
prayer time were. They practically made up a kind of denomination.
Yes, they'd both come a long way from when they were in college, Ann working for
the school paper and pecking away at a mystery novel that she never published, and
Kip playing drums in a band called "Moonboots," sort of an REM sound alike band
pretending to have their own sound. But Kip didn't play the drums anymore, and as
far as he knew the only writing Ann had done lately was her grocery list.
After paying for their dinner at the tiny carryout joint that smelled of layered grease on
tiled floors, Kip noticed a new video store next door. This was convenient. The kids
would be going to bed soon and Ann would curl up on the couch and flip through a
catalogue that sold things like single cup coffee brewers and toothbrush holders that
bathed the brushes in ultra violet light to kill bacteria. There was no game on tonight,
so Kip thought of renting a flick from the athletic-woman-armed-with-duel-shotgunscleansing-a-city-of-flesh-eating-zombie shelf, or if there was nothing in that genre he
hadn't seen, he would peruse the retired-special-forces-soldier-returns-home-to-find-histown-run-by-thugs-and-proceeds-to-kick-some-serious-ass isle.
He stowed his Chinese food in the car and went inside the new store. The walls were
bare; not one single movie, not even a rack for the DVD cases. Nor were there, he just
now noticed, any posters up for coming attractions. There were three sets of swinging
saloon doors and an old Chinese man sitting at a counter typing away on a keyboard
and staring into a monitor. Kip, assuming that he'd read the sign wrong or came in the
wrong door, turned on his heel to head out when the old man asked:
"You come for movie?"
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Short Stories
"Huh? Yeah," he hesitated, then pointin
rentals? l don't see any movies."
"What kind of movie you come for?"
Kip opened his mouth, closed it, then to
cool, I have a membership up the street.
"We have very unique selection. You like
"I..1..1 don't want anything funny you kn
thinking of a special he'd seen on 20/20,
mind to call his detective friend on the fc
"Nothing funny. No worries. Here, you le
gestured at the saloon doors closest to hi1
"First time is free?" Kip asked for verifica1
"Free," said Bob, if Kip was reading his n
There were many temptations in life that
business, two women at a truck stop offe1
after barely a moment's consideration. A
purchasing one of those leaf blowers that
though it wasn't on sale. No-sir-ree, Kip 1
matter entirely.
Kip entered the swinging doors and was 1
ing out twenty feet by eight feet wide, the
center isle. For a minute he'd thought th1
right now so he perused the titles.
What struck him first was that he saw no
film buff. He grabbed a DVD titled Noth1
Kip (played by Kip Tucker), has given up
the month and becomes a professional Tt
edged sensitivity for the subtle tells on hi:
at the top of his game. A celebrity on the
is kidnapped by a maniacal terrorist who
The Last Movie - Analecta
anyways?-and took up watching
, he knew it wasn't Tolstoy; he wasn't
's case selling bathroom and kitchen
·ss was one's command of the proper
)lower that could clear his driveway
1ext county. In fact, Kip couldn't wait
covet big red "Betsy" as he named
levski who would be cursing at his
~tsy. Ed would shake his head and
:oughing, hacking, smoke sputtering
st two presidential elections, and it
ed out at the Methodist Bastion for
ds on Sunday. This had been her
nd that was fine. The best part of it
ring who all the other peekers during
of denomination.
"Huh? Yeah," he hesitated, then pointing up at the ceiling, "the sign out there said movie
rentals? l don't see any movies.".
were in college, Ann working for
wel that she never published, and
sort of an REM sound alike band
1't play the drums anymore, and as
:ly was her grocery list.
"First time is free?" Kip asked for verification.
Jint that smelled of layered grease on
or. This was convenient. The kids
1p on the couch and flip through a
~wers and toothbrush holders that
~ria. There was no game on tonight,
woman-armed-with-duel-shotgunstere was nothing in that genre he
rces-soldier-retu rns-home-to-fi nd-his1s-ass isle.
1side the new store. The walls were
DVD cases. Nor were there, he just
;. There were three sets of swinging
:ounter typing away on a keyboard
d read the sign wrong or came in the
the old man asked:
"What kind of movie you come for?"
Kip opened his mouth, closed it, then tongued his lower lip in consideration, "Look, it's
cool, l have a membership up the street. I'll just go there."
"We have very unique selection. You like independent films?"
"J..1..1 don't want anything funny you know Mr. I'm not some kind of weirdo." Kip was
thinking of a special he'd seen on 20/ 20, and if this was that sort of place, he had a good
mind to call his detective friend on the force and tip him off.
"Nothing funny. No worries. Here, you look around at what we have. First time is free," he
gestured at the saloon doors closest to him. "Right through here, please."
"Free," said Bob, if Kip was reading his nametag correctly.
There were many temptations in life that Kip could withstand. Once while traveling on
business, two women at a truck stop offered him "legal services," and he shooed them away
after barely a moment's consideration. And just earlier that week, he'd come this close to
purchasing one of those leaf blowers that mounted on the back like a flamethrower even
though it wasn't on sale. No-sir-ree, Kip Tucker had control, but free, free was another
matter entirely.
Kip entered the swinging doors and was relieved to see in front of him was an isle stretching out twenty feet by eight feet wide, the walls lined with racks of DVD boxes as was the
center isle. For a minute he'd thought the old Chinaman was a total loon. But it was all
right now so he perused the tides.
What struck him first was that he saw nothing at all familiar. And he was, you know, a real
film buff. He grabbed a DVD tided Nothing left to Win and flipped it over to read the back:
Kip (played by Kip Tucker), has given up the hum-drum life of shooting for salesman of
the month and becomes a professional Texas Hold' em player. Through his cunning, razor
edged sensitivity for the subtle tells on his opponents faces, and uncanny luck, Kip is soon
at the top of his game. A celebrity on the level of a pop sensation or Hollywood hunk, Kip
is kidnapped by a maniacal terrorist who also happens to have a gambling problem and
109
access to nuclear weapons. Kip will have to play the game of his life, or the entire planet
could suffer the ultimate catastrophe. Below this it read: "Out classes all other films of the
genre-hell, it's a genre unto itself! A tour de force!" -Bill Walter Rolling Stone.
Kip let coincidence get the better of him only for a blink before he chuckled. "Kip Tucker,"
that was good. Somewhere out there was a guy, maybe several guys, named "Tom Cruise" or
"Jim Carey," and he bet those guys got razzed all the time at work. He flipped the box back
over to look at the picture on the front. Two men squared off at a poker table with severe
faces holding a hand of cards, and damn him if one of the dudes didn't look like him, the
real Kip Tucker, in sunglasses. He tucked the case under his arm and moved on, thinking
Ann might get a kick out of this actor named Kip Tucker who looked like him.
With a thought to hurry up because all that Chinese food would leave behind the MSG
smell in his car, Kip snatched up a flick called .The End of Forever: Winner of eleven
Academy Awards (2004) The End of Forever is a portrayal of every man who has ever lived.
It leaves audiences gyrating between gasps and guffaws. K Tucker (played by Kip Tucker)
has packed a few things in an old army duffle bag and left his family in search a more
meaningful existence. Hitchhiking his way west, K meets, among others, a homophobic
psycho-killer trucker arguing with voices in his head, a highway patrolman searching for
God, a grandmotherly prostitute, an Olympic cyclist, and a host of other unforgettable
characters that will guide K to his destiny.
"TWO ENTHUSIASTIC THUMBS UP!"
This time the picture of him on the box was a close up and he wore no sunglasses. Kip
was not laughing now. What he needed was an explanation, so he searched the room for
cameras, but all he found above him was egg-shell colored ceiling, not even a smoke alarm
or vent where a camera might be hidden. And why would anyone go to such trouble to film
this scenario anyway? The entertainment value of watching him stand in the middle of an
isle and puzzle out the weirdness of finding a room full of movies starring Kip Tucker that
he had never made, was negligible. Besides, the predictability of his choosing to step into
that video store on this night at this time was impossible. Impossibility was what his mind
struggled against, tried to incorporate into some schema, organize into safe, beautiful, rulegoverned universe. But he was losing the struggle evidenced by the nervous sweet his feet
had broken into, and he had to urinate.
He grabbed another movie.
Tuck (played by Kip Tucker) is an undercover agent for the NSA embedded deep in the cell
of a European based terrorist group intent on ...
110
Short Stories
And another.
... Professor Tucker (played by Kip Tucker
newly discovered Platonic dialogue ...
... critics agree, Kip Tucker's most breatht;
will likely only be outdone when he appe
... lost in the frozen wilderness of Norther
is saved when comes across an explorator
learns ...
... but when his sister-in-law is released fro
... detective Kip Tucker is about to learn ti
who hunts him ...
... takes a job with a prospecting company
That Kip had never seen a UFO and tho
make a buck or touched with retardation,
or angels or even, when you got right to i1
or had a quirky dream that foretold the ft
ranked in his book as the apex of human
entertained notions of supernatural realit
made his current dilemma all the mored:
contained, all twenty or so in his arms.
"Where," he whispered across the count<
movies?"
"You make movies," Bob matter-of-factly~
Holding up one of the boxes next to his f
Now I want to know what the hell is goin
need to get my lawyer down here?" Kip d
tie and the right haircut he knew the phr;
"Not make movie as in Hollywood make 1
at his head. "Then you walk through doo
technology. More and more, we move fast
The Last Movie - Analecta
he game of his life, or the entire planet
it read: "Out classes all other films of the
:e!" -Bill Walter Rolling Stone.
a blink before he chuckled. "Kip Tucker,"
taybe several guys, named "Tom Cruise" or
the time at work. He flipped the box back
t squared off at a poker table with severe
me of the dudes didn't look like him, the
~under his arm and moved on, thinking
'Tucker who looked like him.
1ese food would leave behind the MSG
te End of Forever: Winner of eleven
portrayal of every man who has ever lived.
Haws. KTucker (played by Kip Tucker)
~ and left his fami ly in search a more
( meets, among others, a homophobic
:ad, a highway patrolman searching for
:list, and a host of other unforgettable
JSe up and he wore no sunglasses. Kip
Kplanation, so he searched the room for
l colored ceiling, not even a smoke alarm
lY would anyone go to such trouble to film
,f watching him stand in the middle of an
m fu ll of movies starring Kip Tucker that
1redictability of his choosing to step into
)Ossible. Impossibility was what his mind
schema, organize into safe, beautifu l, ruleevidenced by the nervous sweet his feet
:nt for the NSA embedded deep in the cell
And another.
... Professor Tucker (played by Kip Tucker) discovers an ancient code while translating a
newly discovered Platonic dialogue ...
... critics agree, Kip Tucker's most breathtaking performance to date since his last role, and
will likely on ly be outdone when he appears in his next film ....
... lost in the frozen wilderness of Northern Alaska, geologist K. Wayne Tucker thinks he
is saved when comes across an exploratory team searching for o il fields, but instead he
learns ...
... but when his sister-in-law is released from the prison and needs a place to stay ...
... detective Kip Tucker is about to learn the frail distinction between the criminal and he
who hunts him ...
... takes a job with a prospecting company in the Middle East ...
That Kip had never seen a UFO and thought that those who did were either trying to
make a buck or touched with retardation, that he did not believe in ghosts or goblins
or ange ls or even, when you got right to it, God; that he had never experienced deja vu
or had a quirky dream that foreto ld the future, that tarot cards and astrological readings
ranked in his book as the apex of human stupidity, and that the entire class of people who
entertained notions of supernatural reality had, to his thinking, simply failed to grow up,
made his current dilemma all the more distressing. Still, he had to see what these movies
contained, all twenty or so in his arms.
"Where," he whispered across the counter to the o ld Chinese man, "did you get these
movies?"
"You make movies," Bob matter-of-factly answered, as if it were obvious.
Holding up one of the boxes next to his face, "You don't understand. I don't make movies.
Now I want to know what the hell is going on here and I want to know right now. Do I
need to get my lawyer down here?" Kip did not actually have a lawyer, but if you wearing a
tie and the right haircut he knew the phrase carried certain power.
"Not make movie as in Hollywood make movie. You make movie up here," he pointed
at his head. "Then you walk through door and movie appear on shelf. It's new Chinese
technology. More and more, we move faster than Americans."
111
"Well," Kip said, unsure of whether to take offense or take his movies or, maybe, to actually
hire a lawyer. "Well, we'll see then."
suspended in empty black, but then he\.\
heart warming struggle of parents overco
bath of passivity would again relax him.
And he did see.
Calling in sick to work for a week straight was enough to lose his status of top salesman for
eleven months running; calling in sick for two weeks was enough to warrant a personal visit
from his boss, Dick Hiatt, who berated Kip for his indolence, recommended he seek profession help, and informed him that if and when he failed to come into work on Monday he
would be unceremoniously shitcanned, as he put it. So on Monday, Kip lost his job.
Meanwhile, he watched movie after movie. He watched himself become a Jedi Knight;
he played slide guitar in a blues band and did heroin backstage; he guarded the daughter
of the President of the United States and lost her then rescued her and was awarded the
Congressional Medal of Honor; he was a jet fighter pilot; he was a nationally renown
surgeon; he was an invincible fighter in the UFC; he was a sexy blue collar machinist
struggling to make ends meet and raise his sons after his wife died; he was a billionaire who
fell in love with a waitress; he got zapped by radioactive waves coming from the sun and
developed telekinetic powers and regeneration capabilities; and when he located the corner
of the movie room with a few rated "X" titles, he was the prisoner of an underground cult
of yogic nymphomaniacs who made him perform prurient acts to earn his supper, some of
which involved props and all of which included multiple captors.
On November 21 ''Ann packed her luggage and kids and drove the Lexus to Pennsylvania
to stay with her parents. On December 9'h Kip was served divorce papers. On December
lO'h he sold his snowblower to Ed Marshalevski for seventy-five dollars and hocked his
titanium plated Ping golf clubs for three-hundred and fifty dollars. A newlywed couple
just getting off their feet responded to his ad in the paper and bought nearly every stick
of furniture in the house minus, of course, Kip's Lazyboy leather recliner and his home
theatre system. For his diamond studded wedding band, Kip received four hundred dollars.
The first snow came in the form of a blizzard, so when the burly man hired by the car lot
came for Kip's Cad illac he got stuck in the driveway, and Ed Mashalevski was kind enough
to bring Betsy, his new snowblower, over to clear a path for the repo man to get the car out.
Kip noticed none of this however; he was busy witnessing himself gather and organize the
surviving members of the human race in a post apocalyptic world that had been ravaged by
a strain of influenza.
Through all of his loss, Kip felt, perhaps for the first time in his life, content. And it took
so little, really. He ate Chinese food-the soggy boxes piled up in his filthy house-rented
movies from the new place, and occasionally slept. He sometimes felt a vague sense of
missing something, lingered over the picture stuck to the refrigerator of a pale life form
112
Short Stories
One day Ann came back. She'd been we
sign.
"This is the last chance, Kip. Can you co
have flies in the house in the middle of\
"Shhhhh," Kip said. "Hey, watch this.""
truck. We're both covered in gasoline!"
Ann knelt beside his chair, whispered, "I
children are real."
"Listen, if you're not going to be quiet 1'1
This was the last time Kip saw Ann. On
from the refrigerator and stuffed it in he
It was fortunate for Kip that Bob's Movi1
when Kip returned a sack full of DVD's
for his next batch, he realized that he'd s
Setting it on the counter and waiting wh
getting some new releases in here? I've s•
Bob laughed the way kung fu masters do
releases."
"Yeah, I know. I'm asking when are you :
"Never. Movies come from you, rememb
Kip's first time in the store, and Kip rem
"But l want more movies. If I want more
at his head, "they should be there."
"You might think so, yes. But everyone
t
The Last Movie - Analecta
1se or take his movies or, maybe, to acn1ally
10ugh to lose his status of top salesman for
eeks was enough to warrant a personal visit
1is indolence, recommended he seek profese failed to come into work on Monday he
t it. So on Monday, Kip lost his job.
1atched himself become a Jedi Knight;
'.ro in backstage; he guarded the daughter
r then rescued her and was awarded the
.ter pilot; he was a nationally renown
:; he was a sexy blue collar machinist
after his wife died; he was a billionaire who
oactive waves coming from the sun and
apabilities; and when he located the corner
'. was the prisoner of an underground cult
1 prurient acts to earn his supper, some of
multiple captors.
kids and drove the Lexus to Pennsylvania
•as served divorce papers. On December
for seventy-five dollars and hocked his
J and fifty dollars. A newlywed couple
:he paper and bought nearly every stick
; Lazyboy leather recliner and his home
1g band, Kip received four hundred dollars.
when the burly man hired by the car lot
way, and Ed Mashalevski was kind enough
·a path for the repo man to get the car out.
•itnessing himself gather and organize the
ipocalyptic world that had been ravaged by
first time in his life, content. And it took
oxes piled up in his filthy house-rented
)t. He sometimes felt a vague sense of
:k to the refrigerato r of a pale life form
suspended in empty black, but then he would simply rent a DVD of himself as a father, a
heart warming struggle of parents overcoming intergenerational al ienation, and the hot
bath of passivity would again relax him .
One day Ann came back. She'd been weeping. She'd brought a pen and papers for Kip to
sign .
"This is the last chance, Kip. Can you come back from this? H ow in God's name can you
have flies in the house in the middle of winter?" she waved a hand in front of her face.
"Shhhhh," Kip said. "Hey, watch this. Watch how I pull this woman from this burning
truck. We're both covered in gasoline!"
Ann knelt beside his chair, whispered, "Kip, are you there? It's not real. I'm real. Our
children are real."
"Listen, if you're not going to be quiet I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
This was the last time Kip saw Ann. On her way out, she removed the ultrasound picture
from the refrigerator and stuffed it in her purse.
It was fortunate for Kip that Bob's Movie Rental was within wa lking distance, but one day
when Kip returned a sack full of DVD's and went through the saloon doors to shop around
for his next batch, he realized that he'd seen everything except for one last film.
Setting it on the counter and waiting while Bob rang him up, he asked, "Say, when are you
getting some new releases in here? I've seen everything you got."
Bob laughed the way kung fu masters do when cha llenged by an inferior warrior. "No new
releases."
"Yeah, I know. I'm asking when are you getting some?" Kip's patience was leaking out.
"Never. Movies come from you, remember?" Bob again po inted at his head the way he had
Kip's first time in the store, and Kip remembered.
"But I want more movies. If I want more movies and they come from up here," he pointed
at his head, "they shou ld be there."
"You might think so, yes. But everyone have finite number of movies. Then that's it."
113
"That's it?"
"Yes, that's it. You want this in a bag?"
The title of the movie was Your Last Movie. For the occasion, Kip had ordered some egg
foo young and empress chicken. He made a decision not to be depressed, not to panic.
There were hundreds and hundreds of movies in his movie room and when he finished
this last one he would simply go back to the beginning and watch everything over again.
After all, most of his life previous to finding Bob's Movie Rental had consisted of repetition anyways, and besides that, just maybe Bob had it wrong. Maybe more movies would
appear in his room. It was his head not Bob's, after all.
He hit "ENTER."
"Well, well, well, look at you. You putz." It was him, Kip Tucker, sitting, just as he was in
his recliner staring back at Kip through the television.
Kip looked over his right then his left shoulder. "Are you talking to me?"
"There's no one left besides you, is there? They've all gone away. You and me, and since I
am you, that means there's just you."
"What do you want? Is this ... is this the movie?" Kip was incredulous.
"You're a junkie, an addict, an extremist. You've lost your balance, my friend. So this is
your last movie. You've ruined me, Kip. And I'm firing you." The Kip inside the television
drummed his fingers on the arms of the chair.
"Firing me? What is this, a joke? I don't work for you."
"The hell you don't!" Television Kip rose to his feet and approached the screen, his face
ballooning up close. "Here's the thing old Kippy boy, everyone, everyone wants the life
they ain't got, the life they can't get because they don't have the talent or the time or they
didn't get the right chances. And everyone wants as many lives as they can get but you only
get one. That's standard. But you see, the whole human race would go crazy, kill themselves
and each other until nothing was left if they couldn't get a taste, release pressure valve, you
know what I mean?"
"Imagination. You're talking about imagination," real Kip observed.
114
Short Stories
"You're sharp, Kip, you're damn sharp. I
you don't do but would like to, see? It's'
the deal works out, and everyone's happy
mean, why do you think l do this at all, h
Why would I save the planet all those tim
high speed car chases, go on all those sec1
"Why, already?" demanded Kip, aggravat(
"Because while you're getting your kicks,
to live through you, and I had it so good
Ellie, and little Wayne, sure the kids didr
bored out of your mind sometimes with<
"loved it. Pushing the lawnmower in strai
repetitive ass-kissing job of yours, all my c
your dreams come alive right where they I
Used up. You've exploited me. Surplus v<
exploitation, and this is the revolution, h
"Sure you do," Kip fell forward in his cha
"Sure you do, you can ... can, you can exca
you're busy looking for pottery and fossil:
shows interest and-,"
"You don't get it, Kip. This isn't about ca
game, Kip, and we all have to play by the1
Kip did not like the threatening tone in ~
do you think you are anyways? I can ... " I<
a click away. It must have fallen off the at
cushions, cursing under his breath.
"Looking for this?"
"Hey, hey give me that. I'm supposed to I
"Yes, and you were supposed to read Dr.
shoulders, you were supposed to fix the J.
the vacation to Orlando, you were suppo
on the ice. And you're supposed to be in
in the television, right Kip?"
The Last Movie - Analecta
he occasion, Kip had ordered some egg
lon not to be depressed, not to panic.
his movie room and when he finished
ming and watch everything over again.
s Movie Rental had consisted of repetitd it wrong. Maybe more movies would
er all.
im, Kip Tucker, sitting, just as he was in
;ion.
\re you talking to me?"
~ all gone away. You and me, and since 1
"You're sharp, Kip, you're damn sharp. I live in your imagination, and I do all the things
you don't do but would like to, see? It's what you might call a survival mechanism. Usually
the deal works out, and everyone's happy. But you, Kip, you've become a slave driver. I
mean, why do you think I do this at all, huh? Just what do you think is in this for me?
Why would l save the planet all those times, make love to all those women, survive all those
high speed car chases, go on all those secret missions?"
"Why, already?" demanded Kip, aggravated.
"Because while you're getting your kicks, I'm getting mine. You live through me, and I get
to live through you, and I had it so good before this Bob's Movie Rental came along. Ann,
Ellie, and little Wayne, sure the kids didn't always smell so good, and I know you were
bored out of your mind sometimes with all of it, but I," he jabbed his thumb into his chest,
"loved it. Pushing the lawnmower in straight lines on muggy days, washing the car, that
repetitive ass-kissing job of yours, all my dream come true, and I did my part too making
your dreams come alive right where they belonged, in your head. But I'm spent now, Kip.
Used up. You've exploited me. Surplus value, Kip. You read Marx ever? We're talking
exploitation, and this is the revolution, because l got nothing left."
Cip was incredulous.
"Sure you do," Kip fell forward in his chair until he sat on his knees before the television.
"Sure you do, you can ... can, you can excavate an ancient city along The Nile, and while
you're busy looking for pottery and fossils the government of the United States suddenly
shows interest and-,"
Jst your balance, my friend. So this is
~iring you." The Kip inside the television
"You don't get it, Kip. This isn't about can't, this is about won't. There are rules in the
game, Kip, and we all have to play by them. You have lost your privileges. You're finished."
·you."
!et and approached the screen, his face
ioy, everyone, everyone wants the life
lon't have the talent or the time or they
is many lives as they can get but you only
uman race would go crazy, kill themselves
.n't get a taste, release pressure valve, you
real Kip observed.
Kip did not like the threatening tone in his voice. "Finished? I'm not finished. Just who
do you think you are anyways? I can ... " Kip reached for the remote, the off switch was only
a click away. It must have fallen off the arm of the chair, so he stood and dug through the
cushions, cursing under his breath.
"Looking for this?"
"Hey, hey give me that. I'm supposed to have that!"
"Yes, and you were supposed to read Dr. Suess to your children at night and rub your wife's
shoulders, you were supposed to fix the leak in the roof and make a decent bonus check for
the vacation to Orlando, you were supposed to use the weed whacker and throw salt down
on the ice. And you're supposed to be in your living room, and I'm supposed to be the one
in the television, right Kip?"
115
'
Kip looked down at his hands, at the walls, the carpet, the ceiling, the chair. He was two
dimensional.
"You can't do this!"
"Thirty years. Imagine that," said Sa ndra'
sweet tea next to the river. The heat had c
lo ng-sleeved shirt, but his long pants and
had never seen his legs. His feet were very
"This isn't meant to make you suffer. You won't suffer. Don't be afraid."
"A little hot today, Gramps?" Sandra gave
"Don't point that thing at. .. "
"It's just about right. Just abo ut right. But
was scattered in clumps across the lawn at
to count. At 75, he was in charge ofkeepi
shallow, but yo u never knew.
Click.
Kip fe lt his face, touched his shirt, took a sip of water. He had work to do. He needed to
get in touch with Ann, needed to see his chi ld ren and lift them above his head and press
his lips to their belli es and blow. The house was a wreck. All in good time. But before
amends, before corrections, before undoing what his predecessor had done, there was an
act of violent destruction that required doing.
There was a bit of gasoline left in a red plastic can in the garage, enough that when he
fina lly was able to push his big screen television out the front door, down the porch stairs,
and into the lawn of the front yard at the expense of more than one tweaked muscle in
his back, Kip successfully set the thing into a black smoke billowing blaze. Neighborhood
chi ldren stopped on their bicycles to watch, Ed Marshalevski waved from his window while
he held the phone up, probably contemplating calling the police or fire department. Plastic
bubbled and burned, melted and dripped. He leaned left and right trying to stretch his
back, thinking that what would really hit the spot right now was a massage.
Independence Day
By Charmien A. Keranen
Ten years later Sandra knew. The weather, of course, was partly to blame. It always is. It was
unbearably hot. But nothing would have happened if it wasn't Independence Day.
The party was down on the river at her Uncle John and Aunt Lila's. Independence Day was
their 30'h wedding anniversary. Her Uncle John took a lot of ribbing for that.
"It's all smooth sailing now," John's younger brother told him. "Look at Dad down there.
Pretty soon that will be you."
John nudged Sandra's husband, Jack. "See, Jack, bet you're glad l let you go out with
Sandra," he winked. "In twenty more years you' ll be me." )ack sm iled and nodded as he
headed up the hill toward the kitchen door.
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Short Stories
"Okay, Gramps. I'll find the tea."
"Where has Jack gotten to?" H e wasn't qu
kept strictly to himself, Jack spent too mu
"H e's icing the watermelons, Gramps. H e
"Good, good. This river needs watching. I
Sandra passed her Aunt Lila o n her way t•
her sho ulder, Jo hn's and Lila's first grand
waiting to hold him . It was 98 degrees an•
tho ught of putting the child down. Hew<
indeed the whole fa mily, had been waitin.
Up the hill another uncle sat on the deck
a stack of albums, and his personal cooler
lawn and raised his drink to her. She wav1
what he was looking for. "Lad ies and Gen
into his micropho ne. Then the Guess WI
another beer.
Jack emerged from the kitchen, balancing
cousin, the mother of the baby, was carryi
Today she didn't mind passing the child a
overseas. She was saying something to Jacl
to hear the joke.