Yom Kippur Kol Nidre Service – September23, 2015
I’ve been thinking a lot about a classic Billy Joel song: We Didn’t Start
the Fire. It’s a rapid-fire list of the major events spanning the 40 years
between his birth and when he wrote the piece. 5775 felt a little like a
real-life version of the song as news, both good and bad, pelted us
every morning. But from all of those headlines, there was one that
reflects directly on this season and this evening’s gathering.
Almost exactly three months ago, a young man by the name of Dylann
Roof walked into a bible study session at a church in Charleston, South
Carolina. After joining with them for an hour, he rose with a gun in his
hand…and orchestrated a chilling, horrific atrocity.
Beyond the sheer savagery – the barbarism – of this event, I was struck
in two very personal ways. The first was visceral. We, too, host a
weekly Torah study. And I take it as a mark of pride that we welcome
strangers into our discussion. Yet, in dark moments, I have imagined a
similar scenario unfolding here, too…
But there’s more. While Roof professed that he set out to start a race
war, he also held poisonous attitudes towards Jews and Judaism. And
this led me to remember my grandfather. He fled Eastern Europe just
ahead of the Holocaust. He warned me that anti-Semitism and racePage 1 of 6
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hatred can strike with the barest warning. And he told me, time and
again, never to forget.
But then, I saw something strange. The families of Roof’s victims began
to appear on TV…saying that they forgave him! And this simply made
no sense to me. How could they forgive someone who hurt them so
badly, who hates them so deeply, and who will never offer them any
kind of apology? What do they think forgiveness means?!
So I called Pastor Sheila Sholes-Ross and asked her for a cultural
translation. She shared an amazing spiritual insight from her tradition.
Forgiveness, to her, means that I choose – actively...in strength – not to
live in anger and in fear. I choose not to allow myself to be burdened
by the personal desire for revenge. I release it; I hand it over to the
police…to the courts…to God. It’s not that Roof is blameless – far from
it! But I don’t claim the need for revenge through my own actions. In
Sheila’s words, “I refuse to give Roof power over me by waiting for him
to deign to offer his apology.”
It’s a powerful perspective…and Sheila’s words led me to an important
realization.
This wasn’t the first time that I’d encountered this
teaching. I had already discovered it through my beloved Hebrew
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School teacher, Mrs. Lea Eliash.
And so I was reminded about a
profound Jewish lesson about forgiveness.
Mrs. Eliash was a Holocaust survivor…and a very bright soul. Although
she may, occasionally, have despaired of my Hebrew skills, she offered
me a teaching that I took deeply to heart. She didn’t offer it through
words. Instead, she lived it! Her torah – her holy instruction – which I
am still studying years after her death – is that to live in the darkness of
victimized resentment and disempowerment would have allowed Hitler
to win. And so she chose to commit herself, lovingly, to our future.
Mrs. Eliash never denied the pain that she endured or the culpability of
her oppressors. But she chose to shape her life without the need for
personal vengeance against them. Her revenge was to teach children
to love Judaism...to value their religion, their culture and their heritage.
And her actions created – literally – generations of students who
became proud Jews and passed that identity on to their children in
turn. And that made Hitler’s defeat complete for her.
In some ways, as a Jew, I will never fully understand the theology that
sustained the victims of the Charleston shootings. But I am coming to
embrace Mrs. Eliash’s position. She never said that she forgave her
enemies. But she definitely did not grant them power over her by
waiting for the Nazis to issue an apology. While acknowledging the
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pain that she was dealt at their hands, she moved forward in strength
and became a source of blessing for her community and her students.
So… Let’s return to the here and now; there’s an explicit connection
between all that I’ve just shared and our experience here today.
The High Holy Days are a time to make real and profound gestures of
atonement – of t’shuvah – for injuring others in body or in spirit. It’s a
simple process: I forgive others when they reach out to me and they
forgive me when I extend myself to them.
It’s a very communal
practice. When I’m really serious about doing t’shuvah, I also have to
help others with their own work of repentance by forgiving them in
turn. In the Jewish perspective, forgiveness flows from t’shuvah.
But what about when the system breaks down? What about when no
demonstration of t’shuvah is forthcoming? What about in a situation
like Charleson? Or even in less extreme situations. What about when
someone hurt you with a cutting remark. Or when someone carelessly
bruised you. Maybe someone stole your space in the library parking
lot. Whatever the scenario, how do we respond?
This is when I turn to Sheila’s words...to Mrs. Eliash’s torah. Even when
others refuse – or are unable – to engage in the system of t’shuvah, I
can still grow in well-being. I need not wait for those who hurt me –
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whether strangers, friends or family – to come before me. I need not
carry the burden of resentment or harbor the personal desire for
vengeance.
To be explicit: I do not imply that we should hold blameless those who
hurt us. Instead, I offer a way forward when the t’shuvah that we feel
we need to receive is not forthcoming. We can release our PERSONAL
desire for revenge. We should never let go of the need for justice; it’s
key to our identity as Jews and as human beings. But we need not seek
to be the ones to issue punishment by our own hands. This isn’t an
easy path…and it holds profound challenges. But it is one way to move
forward l’chayim tovim – for a life of goodness and blessing.
On this Yom Ha-Kippurim – on this Day of Atonement – I stand before
you, remembering the lesson that my grandfather taught me – that we
must always be on our guard against hatred and violence. And I will
never forget. But I can ALSO remember the corollary of Mrs. Eliash’s
lesson. I will never forget…but I can choose to go forward in strength.
Let us commit ourselves to acts of repentance. Let us give each other
the gift of forgiveness. And if we are in situations where we are not
approached, where t’shuvah is not offered, may we find the strength in
to live without being shackled by the need for revenge. And may we,
and all the world, finally know the blessings of peace.
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Gemar chatimah tovah – may we all be sealed in the Book of Life for a
year of health, strength and peace.
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