10. Better weapons for the police.
15. Federalizes the police force. As
Accessories are vitally important to
demonstrated by the Mexican federales
any outfit, and when your wheels are
the centralization of power limits
this cool, you need to look the part.
corruption and increases competence.
Desert Eagles, .50 caliber sniper rifles,
16. Could serve to give extra protection to
and hand grenades should be standard
large illegal drug shipments passing
issue. Very cool indeed.
through or into Keene.
11. Towing out cruisers after the cops flip
and crash them.
12. Sends a message: We are going to kick
ass and take names later.
17. Economic stimulus – we are going to
have to spend money on maintaining,
fueling, and upgrading the BearCat.
18. Killdozer II. In order to help their
13. Precedent. Once we already have the
cronies the city government could use
BearCat – the sky's the limit for what
regulations and codes to drive a small
we can get away with. An M1 Abrams
businessman out of business, inspiring
tank, an A11 Warthog flying fortress,
him to weld together a homemade tank
gas chambers, you name it we'll get to
and go on a massive rampage. It's
have a blast (or a gas) with it.
happened before and it'll happen again.
14. Promoting the Keene area and tourism.
19. Police and government egos will be
The overwhelming majority of
fed. This makes them easier to deal
communities won't be as well prepared,
with. It's best to stop resisting.
and their police chiefs and public
20. The spacious interior will provide a
officials will cite Keene as an example,
nice out of sight place for cops to
and many people will hear about our
smoke a joint.
town because of it.
21. All the cool kids are doing it.
Top 10 Reasons
Keene
Needs a Bearcat
1. Medical marijuana patients. Terminally
ill people are desperate to relieve their
suffering and they have nothing left to
lose. It's only a matter of time before
one of them decides to take a few cops
down with them.
2. Muslims. They hate us for our
pumpkins.
3. Mother nature - the oldest serial killer
known to mankind. She's out for
revenge and won't rest until the streets
of Keene run with blood.
4. It's a secret. You aren't trustworthy
9. The apocalypse. When the shit hits the
21 Public Benefits of a LENCO BearCat
enough for us to tell you. Just trust
fan our public officials will need a
your government.
powerful armored off road vehicle to
accident that mysteriously crushes their
make sure that they get to their safe
skull under its wheel. This works well
houses paid for by taxdollars.
in China and it will work well here.
5. Survivalists & Preppers. These people
think they should be allowed to survive
catastrophes without depending on the
10. School shootings. Should the active
beneficence of the state and they won't
shooter not deactivate himself before
go down without a fight.
the police arrive on the scene it is
6. Misguided patriots. Real patriots know
imperative that they have proper cover
1. Political dissidents can have an
2. Trash. It could be a bomb.
3. Grand Theft Auto III style massacre of
the riff raff downtown.
4. Death squads. These have done
real patriotism is obeying the
to hide behind until he finishes his
wonders for our foreign policy, now it
government, but some crazy fools
murder spree and offs himself.
is time for them to do the same for
think they should be able to live their
11. Soccer moms. When little Johnie gets a
domestic policy.
own lives without government
chronic head cold and Mommy buys
5. National security.
permission slips or super-intelligent
him the cold medicine that works then
6. Photo opportunities for local
and ultra competent bureaucrats
it's time for the friendly policeman to
micromanaging every bit of their lives.
put Mommy in jail for buying meth
They must be annihilated at any cost.
ingredients, and everyone knows how
7. Wild Wild West. New Hampshire has
mothers are when you get in between
open carry, concealed carry, and
absolutely no knife laws. Our state is
them and their kids.
12. Animals! There are bears in those
politicians: they make us all look good.
7. It can frighten small children, possibly
discouraging them from using drugs.
8. It will make the drug users nervous.
Anything that helps ruin the lives of
those who use drugs not approved by
going to turn into an old Western film
woods (don't tell Stephen Colbert), and
the wise men of the legislature is a
or pulp novel. Any time now.
the circus does come to town and you
positive contribution to a peaceful
never know when an elephant is going
society.
8. The unknown. Pirates, aliens, trolls,
there are so many things to go wrong.
to go on a rampage.
9. Impresses chicks.