Discovering Story Magic:
Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
2013 San Francisco Writers Conference
February 2013
Presented by
Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
"A novel is about a particular human being involved in a particular struggle"
— James Frey, How to Write a Damn Good Novel.
“The power of fiction lies in accurately portraying the truth of the human condition.”
— Laurine Ark, Writing from the Exterior Dramatic Perspective
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
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Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
Presented by Robin L. Perini and Claire Cavanaugh
I.
INTRODUCTION
A. Join Robin Perini for an exploration of the integral relationship between character,
conflict, plot, realization and turning points in producing salable fiction. This
enlightening 3-step process will force you to focus on building your story from the
inside out. I will be analyzing the movie LA Confidential to illustrate the process's
components.
1. It works. All of national bestselling author Robin Perini’s books have been
plotted this way. Laura Baker's books have been nominated for the National
Reader's Choice Award, the Romantic Times Reviewer's Choice Award, and the
RITA.
2. Workshop Credo: Take what you want and leave the rest.
B.
II.
It’s a three-step process that takes the writer from that nebulous idea of a character
and a scene, or the skeleton of a plot, to a full-blown conglomeration of threedimensional characters, escalating conflicts and a tight, interwoven plot where
internal and external conflicts intertwine and become indistinguishable.
1. Character Grid
• Introduced to us by Kathy Lloyd during a daylong Beginner’s Seminar at
the 1993 RWA National Conference in St. Louis, MO.
2. Turning Points
• The major building blocks, the backbone, of your book.
3. Story Board
• A method for organizing scenes and tracking pacing.
THE CHARACTER GRID
A. Introduction
1. In fiction, we put one or two aspects of life under our microscope, subject them
to an eternal experiment called conflict and then document what happens. A
good dramatic story is a laboratory of human nature. It says something about
some aspect of human life that the author believes in deeply. — James Frey,
How to Write a Damn Good Novel
2. It always comes back to the same necessity: go deep enough and there is
bedrock of truth, however hard. — May Sarton
3. Must be filled out for all your major characters.
• Protagonist: the person who grows and changes the most.
• Antagonist: who or what drives that change.
4. You will know not only how the characters start out, but also how they develop
through the book.
B.
Inciting Incident
1. A story recounts events that must be translated into feelings. It concerns . . .
someone's reactions to what happens; his feelings; emotions; his impulses; his
dreams, his ambitions; his clashing drives and inner conflicts. Plunge the
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
2.
3.
C.
D.
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character into a pre-planned situation that challenges the part of him that
cares, that threatens the thing he feels is important. — Dwight V. Swain,
Techniques of the Selling Writer.
The change that throws the person from their normal world into the story.
The event that begins the character’s journey on the road to change.
Goals
1. Goals must be well motivated
and
ingrained
in
the
personality of the character.
Who we are, our morals,
values and beliefs, drive our
goals.
2. How much the character cares
about their goal is in direct
proportion to how much the
reader will care.
Long Range Goal
1. Overriding drive in the
character’s life; what she/he
wants or needs to make life
what she/he wants it to be, in
a global sense. Where they
see themselves in the world.
2. Will change over the course
of the book for at least one
character.
Name: Ed Exley
Inciting
Incident
Name: Bud White
Exley can't stop cops from beating up
Stensland killed at the night owl.
prisoners.
Long Range Justice: to catch the guys who can get Justice: to catch the guys who think they can
Goal
away with it (Rollo Tomasi).
Short Range To prove himself as a detective.
Goal
Character
Flaw
get away with it.
To catch Stensland's killer.
Believes cops are supposed to be smart
Fears he is no more than what he despises.
and civilized.
He doesn't trust Exley's brand of justice:
instead of
Relationship White doesn't know the meaning of the political and intellectual
word Justice.
passionate and instinctive.
Barrier
Black
Moment
Realization
His image of justice is cracked open.
His path of justice will let the bad guys He has become the men he despises.
get away.
Justice isn't an image, but a moment of Justice is choosing not to be the man he
truth.
despises.
E.
Short Range Goal
1. Tangible goals directly in
front of your character.
2. A new short-range goal ends every scene.
3. Conflict causes a change in a character which results in a change in the goal.
4. For more on goals, look at Techniques of the Selling Writer, by Dwight Swain
and Writing Novels that Sell and Scene and Structure by Jack Bickham
• Definition of Scene: Goal – Conflict - Disaster
• Definition of Sequel: Emotion – Quandary – Decision – Action
F.
Character Flaw (Internal Conflict)
1. Introduction
• Emotions are the key. Actions Don't Drive the Story – Actions Drive
Emotions. Emotions Drive the Story.
• You must develop a character with a powerful and meaningful desire to
prevail, because then the character is capable of inspiring empathy in the
reader. Then you put that character into conflict.
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
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The more the reader cares, the more tension there is.
Plot illustrates the emotional growth of your character. In other words, plot
is the vehicle for character growth.
2. Character Flaw can be defined as the barrier that keeps the character from
moving forward, to becoming the person they should be.
• The barrier must be single-minded, strong, and definite.
3. Determining character flaw through characters’ strengths/weakness/emotional
drives (see self-image hand out).
•
•
Self-Image Worksheet
Strength
Character Flaw
Weakness
Strong-willed/Decisive
Needs to be in Charge
Too Impetuous
Realistic/Lives in the Present
Needs Balance
Controlled by Circumstances
Self-Reliant
Needs Independence
Can't Rely on Others
Goal-Oriented
Need to Achieve
End Justify Means
Competent/In Charge
Fear of Failure
Boss/Arrogant
Power of Convictions
Wants Fairness/Justice
Righteous
Self-Assured
Needs No One
Arrogant
Loyal
Needs to be Trusted
Gullible/Unrealistic
Logical/Practical
Needs Order
Too Rigid
Optimistic
Needs to Please
Decides by Feelings
Persistent/Determined
Needs Result/Endings
Won't Give Up
Spontaneous
Needs Freedom
Undisciplined/Unpredictable
Intuitive
Fears Misjudgment
Distrusts Logic
Adventurous/Daring
Needs Change
Unreliable/Rash
Balanced
Fears Risk
Unemotional
Persuasive
Needs to be Right
Manipulative
Competitive
Needs Goals/Tests
Insensitive
Analytical
Needs Logic/Fears Chaos
Critical
Self-Sacrificing
Needs Love
Submissive
Perfectionist
Needs Goals/Fears Failure
Hard to Please
Adaptable
Needs Balance
Indecisive
Tolerant
Fears Confrontation
Unable to Take Stand
Idealistic
Needs to Hope for Best
Naïve
Confident
Needs to Win/Succeed
Domineering
Self-Involved
G.
Relationship Barrier
1. Relationship Barrier is what's inside that keeps the character from developing or
moving forward with a relationship. It’s the incompatibility to the relationship.
2. The Relationship Barrier must grow out of something already on the grid.
3. In your story the needs and fears of one character are in conflict with the needs
and fears of another character.
4. This is where the author begins to draw the threads together from other
conflicts. It’s the strongest when it grows from all four areas.
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
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H.
Black Moment
1. The character's identity is in jeopardy.
2. Grows directly from the Character Flaw.
3. Ask, “What’s the worst you can make this character realize about himself?”
I.
Realization
1. Simply, what the character learns.
• Directly related to the Character Flaw, Relationship Barrier and Black
Moment.
2. Characters must have a realization in order to overcome the Black Moment.
3. Put realization as close to the end of the book as possible.
4. The realization of the protagonist is the theme of the book.
III. SECONDARY CHARACTERS
A. Introduction
1. Secondary characters, villains and subplots should illuminate, emphasize illustrate
and complicate the lives of the protagonist and antagonist.
B.
C.
Other Secondary
Characters
1. Strong secondary
characters impact the
main plot through action
and example.
2. Strong subplots mirror
or parallel the main plot
to emphasize the theme
or major conflicts.
Villain
1. The strength of the
villain must exceed the
strength of the
protagonist(s) at the
beginning. Only through
character growth is the
villain vanquished.
2. Great villains develop
from emotional as well
as physical challenges to
major characters.
Inciting
Incident
Name: Jack Vincennes
Name: Dudley Smith
Police station brawl forces him to
testify and gets him demoted to vice.
Mickey C is jailed.
Long Range Jack is exactly who he wants to be and
Goal
has exactly what he wants.
Take control of LA organized crime
syndicate.
Short Range Get back as technical advisor to "Badge Cover up Stensland's murder.
of Honor."
Goal
Character
Flaw
Needs for others to believe in his image Believes he knows a person’s true nature
of a cop: smart and civilized.
better than they know it themselves.
Relationship He has an image to preserve.
Barrier
Black
Moment
Reality clashes with image. His image
of himself as a TV cop (Badge of
Honor) is in stark contrast to what he
is--a pimp.
He takes advantage of others' strengths and
weaknesses.
He underestimates White and Exley.
To live up to my own image, I have to
IV. TECHNICAL DETAILS
Realization seek justice for someone no one cares
about.
BEFORE MOVING ON TO
PLOTTING
A. Gather the Materials
1. White Board or Poster Board and Post-it Notes
SHOT IN THE BACK with no realization.
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
B.
V.
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Ask the questions
1. What’s the market?
2. What are the characteristics of that market? Subplots, length, chapters?
• The length has a lot to do with the number of layers that can be explored.
TURNING POINTS
A. Change in the direction
of the book.
1. Turning points are
crucial scenes of
plot changes and
internal conflict.
Realization
(Fourth Turning
Point)
Turning Points
Final course of
relationship after
character's realizations.
The End
Black
Moment
Second Turning
Point
(Midpoint)
Protagonist and
Antagonist "Meet"
Major change of
course in their
relationship.
Major change
of course in
their
relationship.
Major change
of course in
their
relationship.
Third Turning
Point
B.
Protagonist
Major building blocks
of the book that
Set a course for
your protagonist
escalate in intensity
First Turning
Antagonist
and antagonist.
Point
and in the stakes.
1. Plot and write to
and away from the turning points with escalating series of scenes.
C.
Typically Four Turning Points in the Process
1. First Turning Point: First change in the relationship where the character is
forced into action.
2. Second Turning Point (Midpoint): Typically the first defeat. There is a change
in plans and reconsideration of goals.
3. Third Turning Point: Intense, major setback that leads to the Black Moment.
4. The final turning point encompasses the Black Moment and the realization.
Story Board
For a 20-Chapter Book with Four Turning Points
1
2
3
4
6
7
8
9
11
12
13
14
16
17
18
First
Scene
First
Turning
Point
Second
Turning
Point
Third
Turning
Point
19
Black
Moment
5
10
15
20
Realization
Fourth Turning Point
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
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VI. COMPLETING THE PLOT
A. Build scenes from each square in the character grid so that each conflict is
illustrated.
B. Every scene in your book must work on two levels: external and internal.
C. Place scenes to maximize the power of that scene.
Story Board – LA Confidential
For a 20-Chapter "Book" with Four Turning Points
1
Set up theme.
Bud White's
character.
Exley's character.
2
3
4
Bloody
Christmas.
6
5
Exley gives up
White to the
investigation about
Bloody Christmas.
7
8
9
10
Exley learns the
victim lied in her
statement.
11
12
13
14
15
Exley is intimate
with Lynn.
16
17
18
19
White and Exley
in gun battle with
Dudley Smith, et
al.
20
"Thanks for the
push."
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
Perini/Cavanaugh 8 of 18
Character Grid
Name:
Name:
Inciting
Incident
Long Range
Goal
Short Range
Goal
Character
Flaw
Relationship
Barrier
Black
Moment
Realization
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
I.
Perini/Cavanaugh 9 of 18
PART II - INTRODUCTION
a. You don't have three pages--you have one sentence, or maybe three paragraphs to
hook the reader.
i. What an agent looks for:
_______________________________________________
ii. What a bookseller looks for:
_______________________________________________
iii. What a reader looks for:
_______________________________________________
b. What NOT to do
i. Red Flags
ii. Be professional
c. Methods
i. Title
ii. Blurb
iii. First Line
iv. First PageàSecond Page àThird Page
II.
ELEMENTS OF A GREAT OPENING (Use as many as possible)
a. Set your tone and maintain it.
b. Introduce your theme early, and explore it on different levels throughout the book
c. Create a question in the reader's mind
d. Intensity
e. Characters
i. Readers must fall in love with OR want to be your character.
1. Emotional bonding with the first character they meet (Imprinting)
a. How to handle imprinting if the first character introduced is not
the hero or heroine.
ii. Let the reader know who to root for/against immediately
iii. Who, what, where, when and how must be introduced immediately
iv. Character goal must be introduced immediately
f. Compelling Situation
g. MOTIVATE, MOTIVATE, MOTIVATE
h. Make it concise: what does your reader REALLY need to know?
i. If your characters don't care, why should we?
III.
ACTIVATE YOUR WRITING
a. Use powerful, picturing-forming and image-making words
b. Evoke emotions with your word choices
c. Excuse me, your research is showing….
d. Interpreting scenes through the genre and the viewpoint characters' emotions
e. Deep Point of View – critical to active and emotional writing
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
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IV.
SET UP CONFLICT
a. Bickering is NOT conflict
b. Conflict must reside WITHIN the character
c. Conflict is a struggle between deeply held belief systems
d. Balance out internal, external and relationship conflicts
e. The heroine's goal is NOT to get married
f. Introduce new story questions before answering the other ones
V.
SAMPLE OPENINGS
a. Dialogue Only – Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card
Title: ENDER'S GAME
"I've watched through his eyes, I've listened through his ears, and I tell you he's
the one. Or at least as close as we're going to get."
"That's what you said about the brother."
"The brother tested out impossible. For other reasons. Nothing to do with his
ability."
"Same with the sister. And there are doubts about him. He's too malleable. Too
willing to submerge himself in someone else's will."
"Not if the other person is his enemy."
"So what do we do? Surround him with enemies all the time?"
"If we have to."
"I thought you said you liked the kid."
"If the buggers get him, they'll make me look like his favorite uncle."
"All right. We're saving the world, after all. Take him."
b. Internal Dialogue – Dance With the Devil by Sherrilyn Kenyon
Title: DANCE WITH THE DEVIL, New Orleans, The Day After Mardi Gras
Zarek leaned back in his seat as the helicopter took off. He was going home to
Alaska.
No doubt he would die there.
If Artemis didn't kill him, he was sure Dionysus would. The god of wine and
excess had been most explicit in his displeasure over Zarek's betrayal and in what he
intended to do to Zarek as punishment.
For Sunshine Runningwolf's happiness, Zarek had crossed a god who was sure to
make him suffer even worse horrors than those in his human past.
Not that he cared. There wasn't much in life or death that Zarek had ever cared
about.
c. First Person Narrative – Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz
Title: ODD THOMAS
My name is Odd Thomas, though in this age when fame is the altar at which most
people worship, I am not sure why you should care who I am or that I exist.
I am not a celebrity. I am not the child of a celebrity. I have never been married
to, never been abused by, and never provided a kidney for transplantation into any
celebrity. Furthermore, I have no desire to be a celebrity.
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
Perini/Cavanaugh 11 of 18
In fact I am such a nonentity by the standards of our culture that People magazine
not only will never feature a piece about me but might also reject my attempts to
subscribe to their publication on the grounds that the black-hole gravity of my
noncelebrity is powerful enough to suck their entire enterprise into oblivion.
d. First Person Internal Dialogue – Hissy Fit by Mary Kay Andrews
Title: HISSY FIT
If it had not been for my fiance's alcoholic cousin Mookie I feel quite sure that my
daddy would still be a member in good standing at the Oconee Hills Country Club.
But Mookie can't drink hard liquor. She can drink beer and wine all day and all
night and not bat an eyelash, but give her a mai-tai or, God forbid, a margarita, and
you are asking for trouble.
It was my rehearsal dinner, which the Jernigans were hosting, and I was the
bride-to-be, so I don't believe I should have been the one responsible for keeping a
grown woman and mother of two away from the margarita machine, even if she was
one of the bridesmaids.
e. Third Person Internal Dialogue – Naked In Death by J.D. Robb
Title: NAKED IN DEATH
She woke in the dark. Through the slats on the window shades, the first murky
hint of dawn slipped, slanting shadowy bars over the bed. It was like waking in a
cell.
For a moment, she simply lay there, shuddering, imprisoned, while the dream
faded. After ten years on the force, Eve still had dreams.
Six hours before, she'd killed a man, had watched death creep into his eyes. It
wasn't the first time she'd exercised maximum force, or dreamed. She'd learned to
accept the action and the consequences.
But it was the child that haunted her. The child she hadn't been in time to save.
The child whose screams had echoed in the dreams with her own.
f. Omniscient – Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by
Gregory Maguire
Title: WICKED:THE LIFE AND TIMES OF THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST,
On the Yellow Brick Road
A mile above Oz, the Witch balanced on the wind's forward edge, as if she were a
green fleck of the land itself, flung up and sent wheeling away by the turbulent air.
White and purple summer thunderheads mounded around her. Below, the Yellow
Brick Road looped back on itself, like a relaxed noose. Though winter storms and the
crowbars of agitators had torn up the road, still it led, relentlessly, to the Emerald
City. The Witch could see the companions trudging along, maneuvering around the
buckled sections, skirting trenches, skipping when the way was clear. They seemed
oblivious of their fate. But it was not up to the Witch to enlighten them.
g. First Person – Silent in the Grave by Deanna Raybourn
Title: SILENT IN THE GRAVE, London 1886, Other sins only speak; murder shrieks
out.—John Webster, The Duchess of Malfi
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
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To say that I met Nicholas Brisbane over my husband's dead body is not entirely
accurate. Edward, it should be noted, was still twitching upon the floor.
I stared at him, not quite taking in the fact that he had just collapsed at my feet.
He lay, curled like a question mark, his evening suit ink-black against the white
marble of the floor. He was writhing, his fingers knotted.
I leaned as close to him as my corset would permit.
"Edward, we have guests. Do get up. If this is some sort of silly prank—"
"He is not jesting, my lady. He is convulsing."
VI.
SAMPLE ACTIVATION OF AN OPENING
a. VERSION 1 (The Thinking it Through On Paper Draft)
DARK GUARDIAN, Kent County, England, 1816
Damn Richard St. James to hell. He'd slaughtered them--he'd slaughtered them
all.
Jaw clenched with fury, Jonathan Price urged the horse he'd commandeered at the
last posting stop forward. His hands and cloak were soaked with blood. He had to
get home. He could only pray he wasn't too late.
The sky billowed with black clouds, and little light illuminated the old Roman
road he raced down. His heart pounded, and agony ripped through his chest.
He'd witnessed carnage during the war. Waterloo had been a bloodbath, but Anne
should never have witnessed the massacre she'd seen tonight. Until a few hours ago,
his fiancée had known nothing of the brutality of man.
St. James had changed her--forever. The bastard.
Anne's family--murdered in cold blood. All of them, down to her young sister
barely out of the crib.
Jonathan's stomach wretched at the memory of the Cavanaugh's laid out in front
of their home like some gruesome message, their throats torn open as if an animal had
feasted. But even that hadn't shredded his heart like Anne's mewing cries as he'd
cradled her in his arms. He just prayed her family in York would be able to heal her
mind, even if her heart were forever broken.
b. VERSION 2 (Honing in on More Important Details)
DARK GUARDIAN, Kent County, England, 1816
Damn Richard St. James to hell.
He'd slaughtered them. He'd slaughtered them all save one.
A mist of night smoldered the burning remains of the Price family home, and
Jonathan blinked through the soot streaking the land that had once been the family's
pride and joy. He breathed in, willing the nausea churning his stomach to not
desecrate this place. They deserved better.
Jaw clenched, he forced himself to stare into their sightless eyes one by one. His
father, his mother, his young sister. Lined up in a row, their bodies were darkened
with ash, the only color, the red seeping from their shredded throats.
But that wasn't the worst of it. St. James hadn't just killed them--he'd tortured and
humiliated them. Jonathan couldn't bear the thought of what the bastard had done.
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
Perini/Cavanaugh 13 of 18
His young brother, Edward, by happenstance still at Eton, would never know,
Jonathan vowed.
With care, he covered his young sister's bare body, and concealed his mother's
naked torso with her decimated gown. As for Jonathan's father, St. James had
emasculated him, the blood soaking his pants.
Deep fury, like Jonathan had never imagined, even on the bloodiest Waterloo
battlefield, skewered his gut like a thousand splinters of glass.
c. VERSION 3 (Active Writing Utilizing Deep Point of View)
DARK GUARDIAN, Kent County, England, 1816
Jonathan Price hurled himself through the fiery hallway, clutching his sister’s
limp body close to his heart. "Don't give up, Elizabeth." His desperate plea was
swallowed by the hellish roar of the inferno crackling around him. Blistering heat
seared his hands and face. Black roiling smoke scorched his lungs.
Maddened with grief, he kicked the flaming debris from the doorway and burst
into the rainy night. He staggered across the muddy yard, and coughing and hacking,
fell to his knees before laying his sister on the sodden grass.
The fire illuminated the vicious wound on her neck, and then her sightless eyes.
Dear God, what manner of beast had done this? Torn the very skin from her
throat, killed her with no mercy?
He whirled toward Price Manor. The blaze erupted from every window and door,
scarlet serpents of flame devouring all in their path, engulfing everything.
Where was the rest of his family? The servants, the butler, even the scullery
maid? Had they escaped or had the beast killed them, too?
"Please." He raced back toward the house, only to be grabbed and flung to the
cobblestones. Dazed and gasping for air, Jonathan peered up at the cloaked shape
looming over him.
"You cannot save anyone, you fool. They're all dead. Your family, and Lady
Anne's as well."
d. VERSION 1 (The Thinking it Through On Paper Draft)
FINDING HER SON
"Remind me again why you thought spending Thanksgiving with them would be a
good idea?" Josh Wentworth grumbled, as he flipped on the windshield wipers to
batten away the snowflakes that were coming down faster. The SUV curved through
the Denver traffic and he took the Quincy exit. "It'll be a disaster. It always is. I don't
want Joshua's first Thanksgiving to be more like a root canal than a celebration."
Emily Wentworth shot her husband a frustrated glance. "Our one-month old won't
be warped. Besides, your parents deserve to get to know their new grandson." An
overwhelming sense of rightness filled her as she glanced at the baby in the backseat,
his cheeks rosy with warmth as he slept. "With Ryan deployed overseas, your family's
all he's got."
e. VERSION 2 (Honing in on More Important Details)
FINDING HER SON
Eric Wentworth was dying. He didn't have to see the stop sign's shaft penetrating
his chest or the blood pulsing from the wound. Strange, though. He felt no pain, but
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
Perini/Cavanaugh 14 of 18
he could feel his life slipping away as surely as the ravaging winter wind whistled
through his crumpled car.
He wasn't ready to die. Not yet. He had a wife who loved him and a new baby boy
he'd just met. He couldn't leave them alone and unprotected.
"Eric?"
He struggled to turn his head toward his wife's weak cry.
f. VERSION 3 Final Version (Active Writing Utilizing Deep Point of View)
This is the prologue that won the Golden Heart in 2011 and sold to Harlequin
Intrigue.
FINDING HER SON
Icy wind howled through the SUV's shattered windshield, spraying glass and
freezing sleet across Eric Wentworth's face. He struggled in and out of consciousness.
Flashes of memory struck. Oncoming headlights on the wrong side of the road.
Skidding tires on black ice. The baby's cries. Emily's screams.
Oh, God.
Why couldn't he focus? Above the wind, he heard only silence, then an ominous
gurgling sound from his lungs. He shifted his head slightly to check on his wife, and a
knifelike pain seared his neck. He stopped, staring in horror at the shaft of metal
guardrail penetrating his chest. Blood pulsed from the wound, but he couldn't feel it.
He couldn't feel anything.
Eric was dying. And it was no accident. He hadn't taken the threats seriously,
hadn't told Emily what he'd done. Why they were all in danger.
Text Copyright © 2012 by Robin L. Perini. Cover Art Copyright © 2012 by Harlequin Enterprises Limited. Permission
to reproduce text granted by Harlequin Books S.A. Cover art used by arrangement with Harlequin Enterprises Limited. All rights
reserved. ® and ™ are trademarks owned by Harlequin Enterprises Limited or its affiliated companies, used under license.
g. VERSION 1 (The Thinking it Through On Paper Draft)
CHRISTMAS CONSPIRACY
A gut wrenching howl sounded from somewhere down the prison's hallway.
Another prisoner on the wrong end of an interrogation. A barked question. A moan of
agony.
Daniel Adams winced in sympathy. He hated how these old stone passageways
echoed every scream. He recognized this guy's resistance, though. Daniel didn't know
what the man had done, but the prisoner at the far end of the hallway had been
questioned and brutalized every day since Daniel had been there. However long that
was.
Close to the breaking point. He could tell because it wouldn't take much more for
him to tell them everything
h. VERSION 2 (Honing in on More Important Details)
CHRISTMAS CONSPIRACY
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
Perini/Cavanaugh 15 of 18
"We start again," the voice said, the English nearly perfect. "Why did King
Leopold hire Logan Carmichael to go to Texas?"
A gut-wrenching howl echoed through the prison's stone passageway. Daniel
flinched, beaten and bound to a chair, awaiting his own daily interrogation by the
sadist.
"Traitor," the unknown prisoner down the hall challenged.
"Silence! I have more than one way of getting this information, and you are not
that important to me. The so-called security expert should be disgraced for not
preventing the massacre in the throne room, not trusted with more assignments." A
whip cracked across flesh. "What has Carmichael been commanded to do?"
i. VERSION 3 (Active Writing Utilizing Deep Point of View)
CHRISTMAS CONSPIRACY
“We start again,” the voice echoed down the hall, sliding through the bars to reach
Daniel.
He hated the perfect English accent, could feel himself sweat awaiting his own daily
interrogation.
“Why did King Leopold hire Logan Carmichael again?”
A gut-wrenching howl echoed through the prison’s stone passageway. Daniel flinched.
If only he could manage to escape, but beaten and bound to a chair, he was at the sadist’s
mercy.
“Traitor,” the unknown prisoner down the hall challenged.
“Silence! I have more than one way of getting this information, and you are not that
important to me. The so-called security expert should be disgraced for not preventing the
massacre in the throne room, not trusted with more assignments.” A whip cracked across
flesh. “What has Carmichael been commanded to do?”
Daniel tried to force his eyes open, but they’d swollen shut, and dried blood sealed the
lids tight. He yanked on his ropes. A warm trail of liquid coursed over his hands and
fingers. Maybe he just imagined the sensation. He’d lost feeling in his arms hours ago
and his shoulders had gone numb.
Text Copyright © 2012 by Robin L. Perini. Cover Art Copyright © 2012 by Harlequin Enterprises Limited. Permission
to reproduce text granted by Harlequin Books S.A. Cover art used by arrangement with Harlequin Enterprises Limited. All rights
reserved. ® and ™ are trademarks owned by Harlequin Enterprises Limited or its affiliated companies, used under license.
j. VERSION 1 (Starting Point 1)
COWBOY IN THE CROSSFIRE
Four-foot long icicles and Texas didn't go together.
Blake Reynolds paced the wooden floor, nerves wound tighter than an overcinched saddle. Sleet pounded the roof, hammering the century-old ranch house with
what the Weather Channel had termed the worst ice storm in decades. He'd issued an
order hours ago for folks in the county to hunker down until further notice. Below
freezing temperatures and unrelenting ice made travel hazardous. Blake tilted the
brim of his hat back as he glanced at the silent police radio sitting silent on the oak
sideboard. "Guess we're lucky it's quiet, huh Leo."
A whine escaped the Lab-mix, curled on the rug next to the fire.
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
Perini/Cavanaugh 16 of 18
"Or not."
Being alone with his thoughts didn't suit Blake well. The sparse room gave him no
distraction, but at least he hadn't unpacked enough in the eighteen months he'd been
back to make running from memories any tougher than normal.
k. VERSION 2 (Starting Point 2 to Increase Tension)
COWBOY IN THE CROSSFIRE
"Mommy, please don't die."
Banging sleet echoed like a drum off the car's roof. Amanda Hawthorne struggled
in and out of consciousness as a small, icy-cold hand patted her face.
"The bad men might come back."
Oh, God. Had they been found again?
"Ethan?" Her heart thudded, and she twisted toward his voice. She had to get her
son to safety. Knifelike pain sliced across her flank. "Oh. She crumpled in her seat,
pressing hard against the gunshot wound on her right side. Wet and sticky. It had
started bleeding again.
Biting her lip against the throbbing, she pasted a confident smile on her face and
looked toward her five-year-old. "You okay, little man?"
l. VERSION 3 Final Version (Starting Point 3 to Add Danger)
COWBOY IN THE CROSSFIRE
A wicked gust of winter wind buffeted Amanda Hawthorne toward the front
entrance of her brother's home. She wrapped her flimsy coat tighter around her body
and lowered her head. Another cold blast nearly knocked her down. Even the weather
fought to keep her out of Vince's house. Well, this freak ice storm wouldn't win, and
neither would her brother. He'd be furious, but she was staying. Just until she found
another job.
She breathed in, hoping to kill the perpetual french-fry smell that permeated her
clothes from her final shift at Jimmy's Chicken Shack. She could've lived with the
odor and her aching feet, but she couldn't take his octopus hands, his foul breath or
his large body trapping her against the wall in his storage room. She shuddered at the
memory. She wouldn't go back. But first, she had to face Vince.
With a deep breath, she unlocked the door. "Big brother, I've got bad news. You
may have houseguests for a while—"
Her voice trailed off. The photos that had lined the entryway hall lay shattered on
the tile floor. The small table near the doorway teetered on its side, crushed.
"Vince?" Her heart thumped like a panicked rabbit. She ran into the living room.
The place was in shambles. "Ethan?" Oh, God. Where was her son?
Text Copyright © 2012 by Robin L. Perini. Cover Art Copyright © 2012 by Harlequin Enterprises Limited. Permission
to reproduce text granted by Harlequin Books S.A. Cover art used by arrangement with Harlequin Enterprises Limited. All rights
reserved. ® and ™ are trademarks owned by Harlequin Enterprises Limited or its affiliated companies, used under license.
VII.
CONCLUSION
a. Q & A
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
Perini/Cavanaugh 17 of 18
OPENING ANALYSIS TEMPLATE
TITLE: _______________________________________________________________________
LOGLINE: ___________________________________________________________________
FIRST LINE:__________________________________________________________________
OPENING PARAGRAPHS: _____________________________________________________
Bibliography
Ackerman, Angela and Becca Puglisi. The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to
Character Expression. CreateSpace, 2012.
Ballenger, Bruce and Barry Lane. Discovering the Writer Within: 40 Days to More
Imaginative Writing. Writer's Digest Books, 1989.
Bickham, Jack. The 38 Most Common Fiction Writing Mistakes. Writer's Digest Books,
1997.
Bickham, Jack. Scene and Structure. Writer's Digest Books, 1999.
Brooks, Larry. Story Engineering. Writer’s Digests Books, 2011.
Dixon, Debra. Goal, Motivation and Conflict: The Building Blocks of Good Fiction.
Gryphon Books for Writers, 1999.
Dunne, Peter. Emotional Structure: Creating the Story Beneath the Plot: A Guide for
Screenwriters. Linden Publishing, 2006.
Field, Syd. Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting. Dell Publishing Company, Inc.
1984.
Frey, James. How to Write a Damn Good Novel: A Step-by-Step No Nonsense Guide to
Dramatic Storytelling. St. Martin's Press, 1987.
Gardner, John. The Art of Fiction: Notes of Craft for Young Writers. Vintage, 1991.
King, Stephen. Secret Windows: Essays and Fiction on the Craft of Writing. Book of the
Month Club, 2000.
McKee, Robert. Story: Substance, Structure, Style and the Principles of Screenwriting.
Regan Books, 1997.
Provost, Gary. 100 Ways to Improve Your Writing. Signet, 1985.
Rodale, J.I. The Synonym Finder. Warner Books, 1986.
Swain, Dwight. Techniques of the Selling Writer. University of Oklahoma Press, 1982.
Vogler, Christopher. The Writer's Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers. Michael Wiese
Productions, 1998.
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini
Discovering Story Magic: Nitty Gritty Writing Techniques
Perini/Cavanaugh 18 of 18
Biographies
Robin Perini. As a writer, Robin is devoted to giving her readers fast-paced, high stakes
adventures with a love story sure to melt their hearts. Robin’s strong characters and tightly
woven plots garnered her seven prestigious Romance Writers of America Golden Heart® finals.
She won the Golden Heart® in 2011, and that title became her first Harlequin Intrigue, Finding
Her Son (March 2012). Her other 2011 Golden Heart® Finalist, In Her Sights, was published by
Amazon’s Montlake Romance November 29, 2011. Robin went on to sell ten novels in a little
over one year. You can find out more in-formation at her website www.robinperini.com or visit
her on Twitter @RobinPerini, Facebook (Robin PeriniAuthor), Goodreads or Pinterest. Her
agent is Jill Marsal of Marsal Lyon Literary Agency.
Book list
IN HER SIGHTS (A MONTGOMERY JUSTICE NOVEL), Amazon Montlake Romance,
December, 2011. ISBN 978-1612181523.
FINDING HER SON. Harlequin Intrigue, March, 2012. ISBN 978-0373696079.
COWBOY IN THE CROSSFIRE. Harlequin Intrigue, July, 2012. ISBN 978-0373696291.
CHRISTMAS CONSPIRACY. Harlequin Intrigue, October, 2012. ISBN 978-0373696482.
BEHIND THE LIES (A MONTGOMERY JUSTICE NOVEL), Amazon Montlake Romance,
April, 2013.
BOUND BY SECRETS (A MONTGOMERY JUSTICE NOVEL), Amazon Montlake Romance,
2014.
EDGE OF DECEIT (A MONTGOMERY JUSTICE NOVEL), Amazon Montlake Romance,
2015.
UNDERCOVER TEXAS, Harlequin Intrigue, June, 2013
Claire Cavanaugh is an award-winning writer and teacher and is published in short non-fiction.
She is a three-time Romance Writers of America® Golden Heart® Finalist and Daphne Award
winner for Paranormal Romantic Suspense. A popular speaker, she is known for finding
compelling solutions to plot and characterization problems and has helped numerous authors
across the country hone their skills and get their writing back on track. A former bookseller, she
currently freelances with Larsen-Pomada Literary Agency, assisting their clients with editing and
story development.
© 2013 by Claire Cavanaugh and Robin L. Perini