BUILDING CHARACTER
By Matt Brinkley
Editor’s note: This article is from Matt’s just-published book Stay The Course
of Youth Ministry. The book is written to encourage the heart of the youth
pastor, with a deep desire that it might yield encouragement, challenge, and
exhortation. The application questions (box on page 25) are intended to
challenge the reader to think through and apply important life principles.
E
ight of them – rammed into my 8x12 foot
den. No doubt, I was bringing to a close
another eloquent dissemination of truth
that would revolutionize the world. Probably the
best talk ever. (Ha!) There in my presence sat a
rag-tag assortment of high school guys meeting
together for our weekly discipleship gathering.
Following the study came the snack attack (a
piranha frenzy, I might add). Eight high school athletes, a few boxes of Twinkies, and several liters of
Coca-Cola don’t last long together. Following the
snacks and a few laughs derived from our male
bonding sarcasm, it was time to give several of
them a ride home.
the tongue, how it is able to give life, or kill and
destroy, straight from the book of James?
We were now closing in on Todd’s home when
suddenly, in an unguarded exchange of words, I
blew it… really bad! I displayed a classic example
of one “putting his foot in his mouth.” The very
night I had spoken on the dangers of gossip, I had
the audacity to gossip about Greg, one of Kelvin’s
teammates. Now Kelvin was neither part of Greg’s
problem nor capable of bringing a solution, and
I certainly had no business expressing any of my
attitudes with Kelvin.
Spiritual
Multiplication
Spiritual multiplication is the
biblical pattern for fulfilling the
Great Commission.
Then there was the collision. No, I’m not talking
about an auto accident. I’m referring to that per-
I displayed a classic example of one “putting his foot in his mouth.”
Everything was on track for the evening. Glen
had already been delivered safely home. Todd sat
sequestered by his stereo headset, oblivious to the
world, bobbing his head to the beat in the corner
of the back seat of my car, while Kelvin and I chatted. Oh, did I mention that the Bible study was on
the extraordinarily critical issue of the power of
plexing moment that I often experience when my
flesh careens headlong right over the edge into
the caverns of sin, and the Holy Spirit springs forth
unmistakable conviction. When these are private
episodes, they are more palatable and easier to
deal with. However, they are quite embarrassing
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STRENGTH continued from page 3...
and painful when I make a complete idiot of
myself right before someone who I deeply desire
to minister to… impress… a combination of the
two. Oh, for Pete’s sake, what am I saying? I hate to
fail. I hate to look stupid. And this time I provided
every opportunity to look really stupid. Of all the
guys in my group, Kelvin was the one growing the
most spiritually, and I genuinely hated damaging
my witness to him because of such stupidity.
My mind went into overdrive. I’m quick when it
comes to cover-ups. My first hope was that Kelvin
missed the connection with the evening talk, or
that he possibly wasn’t paying close attention to
the last few sentences. No such luck! Before I could
say anything else, Kelvin stated those dreaded few
quick to question what I was doing. A slightly shy
young man, it probably had taken great courage
for him to confront me. The following is how I
clearly recall the conversation going.
Kelvin: What are you doing? You know I don’t live
at the mall.
Matt: Kelvin, I needed to stop a minute and share
something with you. You know what I was doing a
few minutes ago, talking about Greg, was gossip and
sin on my part.
Kelvin: Oh Matt, it’s not a big deal.
Matt: No, Kelvin, it is. The talk I gave tonight about
the power of the tongue… well, I am really weak
when it comes to this area and I need your help.
But before pouring further fleshly fuel on the fire, that quiet, gentle and
powerfully intelligible voice of the Holy Spirit said, “Don’t you cover this up!”
words, “Matt, aren’t you gossiping?” Then my last
defense fleeted through my mind. Spiritualize it
and make my comments about Greg into a prayer
request. That’s always a smooth way to cover over
gossip. But before pouring further fleshly fuel on
the fire, that quiet, gentle and powerfully intelligible voice of the Holy Spirit said, “Don’t you cover
this up!”
Thankfully, we were now at Todd’s house. Fortunately, he never heard a thing that was said (thank
you to the stereo headset), so we said our “goodbyes,” and I let him out of the car. The interruption
provided a few moments to sort through what I
might say next. After driving for a couple of minutes toward Kelvin’s house, I took a left into the
mall parking lot near where he lived. I pulled into
a parking space and turned the car off. Kelvin was
Kelvin: (Visibly uncomfortable) Really, Matt, I
didn’t mean to make a big deal.
Matt: There are several things you could do to help
me: I’d like you to forgive me for the negative comments I made about Greg.
Kelvin: Matt, we both know a lot of that stuff is
true about him.
Matt: That doesn’t matter. We are not part of the
problem, and at this point we are not part of the
solution. What I said helped no one and was simply
gossip. Will you please forgive me?
Kelvin: Matt! It’s not a big deal.
Matt: No, Kelvin, I really need your forgiveness.
Kelvin: Okay, whatever, I forgive you. Can we go?
Matt: Kelvin, a couple of other things. I’d like you
to pray with me for a minute and let me seek the
forgiveness of the Lord. Scripture teaches that when
I sin, I should seek God’s forgiveness and that He
is faithful and just not only to forgive me but also
cleanse me. This is because of Christ’s sacrifice in my
behalf. God loves me and doesn’t want there to be
anything that hinders our fellowship. Will you let me
pray a little prayer please?
Kelvin: Yeah, go ahead.
Matt: Lord Jesus, today I have sinned by gossiping
about Greg. I want to seek your forgiveness for this
sin and ask you to cleanse me in this area. Thank you
for the blood of Christ that was shed for my sins and
the promise to forgive and cleanse. Please protect
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September 2003
STRENGTH continued...
my friend Kelvin’s mind from any negative attitudes
toward Greg from what I have shared.
me. (He looked straight at me.) Do you remember
that night when you were taking me home and you
started gossiping?”
Now, Kelvin, if you will, while we’re praying, will you
please pray that God will give me strength in this
area in which I am so weak.
The group broke into laughter, but Kelvin never
hesitated. I responded with a fun-loving “Yeah!
What’s your point?”
Kelvin: Matt! (continuing to question the big
deal this has turned out to be)
He continued, “Well, that’s the night that I learned
about God’s love and forgiveness. It taught me how
to be honest with God and others when I fail.”
Matt: No, please Kelvin!
Kelvin: Dear Jesus, please give Matt strength not
to gossip any more. Amen. Now can we go?
For me, it was a lesson I would never forget!
Matt: Sure, Kelvin.
Four months later our discipleship group was
meeting for the last gathering of the school year.
As a part of our celebration time together, I challenged each student to share the most important
lesson that they learned throughout the year of
Bible study. Three of the eight guys had spoken,
and now it was Kelvin’s turn. He sat directly across
from me in his routine spot. Kelvin got this big
smile on his face and began, “That’s an easy one for
Matt Brinkley has been in youth
ministry since 1975, both as a youth
pastor and as director of Reach Out
Ministries. In 1991, he and his family
moved to Atlanta to Perimeter Church,
where he serves as youth pastor. He began
P.A.C.T. Ministry in 1996. This ministry
exists to encourage youth pastors in
their personal walk with God, family life,
and strategic ministry. Matt has written
numerous student discipleship manuals
and youth pastor training materials. He
and his wife Vickie will celebrate their
25th wedding anniversary this year and
have three children (21, 18, and 15).
Leading from Wea
kn
Reflections and A ess:
ction Steps
What wo
uld be the typical reacti
on for someone who fou
What was it about the
experience that opened
Why is vulnerability cri
tical
What are the risks that
2 Corinthians 12:9 –
1)
2)
situation to what Matt
the door for such a gre
for making an impact in
accompany this type of
After reading the follow
ing
nd himself in a similar
at teaching moment for
Kelvin?
the lives of others?
teaching? (Particularly
passages, list several be
experienced?
as it relates to the expe
liefs that you think are
ctations of others and yo
u)
essential to teaching oth
ers out of weakness:
Hebrews 11:34 –
1)
2)
Additional Reflection Ve
rses
James 4:10
James 5:16
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