The Story of My Life
PERSONAL STORIES OF ADDICTION AND MENTAL HEALTH
Forward
Story telling has been part of the fabric of our society since our inception, it allows for a verbal
record of history. In these pages you will find a collection of works titled The Story of My Life.
These are submissions put forward by brave individuals who want to share their story in hopes
it will have a positive impact on the lives of others who may be living or have lived through
similar situations.
The one theme that I hear from folks when I talk to them about Peer Support and the Support
Centres that MHSNSEO offers throughout the south east, is that of a profound comfort and
hope which is found in learning we are not alone in our illness.
For those of us who see life as a journey, there are many roads, avenues and paths which we
have ventured down that have led us to the places we are at today. There are folks who enjoy
taking a journey through the past, sharing with us their stories, their wisdom and experiences.
They also often ponder on the outcomes had the circumstances of the journey been different; we
all make our own choices; we do and have to live with them for good or ill.
These stories are real, raw accounts of The Story of My Life as told through the voices of the folks
who lived the life, experienced trauma, struggled with their wellness, addictions, stumbles and
struggles, yet persevered and are still with us today to talk about the story of their life.
For folks who have experienced mental illness, addictions, trauma and loss, revisiting parts of
this journey can be emotional and difficult because the past and the path of the journey cannot
be changed. The hope that lies in these pages is that inspiration can be found which will have a
positive impact on the journeys of the future for those who read through and may find
themselves at a similar crossroad or identify with what they absorb.
May you be well in your journey, have support when you require it and find peace in knowing
you don’t travel it alone.
The Walk
MADOC SUPPORT CENTRE WRITING GROUP
Nothing could pierce through the silence of the night
The chill of the cold winter breeze blows through the rows of endless trees
The trees are barren, but a wisp of snow upon each branch
An impure snow blankets the ground of the forest path
A cloak of darkness surrounds my soul
The path beckons me forward, not knowing what the end will bring
An awful fright begins to creep within my soul
A lingering choice I need to make
Should I step forward into the unknown abyss?
Or retreat for fear that the abyss will devour my very soul
I have chosen to brave the unknown
My anxieties rising as the branches seem to envelope me
With each step, I hastened as I draw nearer to the end of this treacherous path
I take my final steps only to find the end is merely my own
Only for me to see
The Story of My Life
Joyce
When I first started counselling, I was so shy and nervous that I could hardly speak. I handed
my counsellor a note and she had to keep asking me “pardon?...pardon?” as I mumbled and
whispered to her.
After years of therapy, I got a lot better but was still very shy. My counsellor at the time
introduced me to people at Peer 17. I started attending the Women’s Group there. At first, I
just listened. As I got to know the women in the group, I started opening up a bit more. At
first, all I did was attend the Women’s Group.
After a couple of years of this, a friend and Peer from Peer 17 signed me up for their monthly
dinner. I was so shy! I mostly kept to myself, except for the women in the Women’s Group. I
gradually got to know everyone there pretty well.
It’s been a couple of years since then and I am now doing something which I never would have
imagined in a million years. I am hosting presentations at Peer 17. Me – who was so shy I
could hardly speak to anyone a few years ago!
I am grateful to everyone who has made me feel welcome and opened their hearts to me. I am
currently attending a Self Esteem Group in my ongoing efforts to continually better myself.
You can never be too well as far as I’m concerned!
The Story of My Life
Glenda
When I moved back to Deseronto in 1992, I did not know I suffered from a mental illness. At
that time I was on anti-depressants and counselling with Dr. Heaton. Even when I asked for a
diagnosis from her, she told me it was stress related.
In 2013, when I was hospitalized, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive and Adjustment
Disorder.
Between the times of 1992 – 2013, I dealt with changes in my medications to find the right one,
more or less feeling like a “Lab Rat” with the different medications that I had tried. The
Government would pay for the generic brands, but in my case I needed the name brand. Now I
have to have an ADR (Allergy Drug Reaction).
Since 2005, I left a verbally abusive relationship, found social housing and lost jobs due to
closures. Within a year and a half, my grandchildren were apprehended from my daughter. I
lost a good friend, applied for ODSP and got denied, all within 2 weeks of each other. No
wonder I ended up in the hospital!
My Psychiatrist helped me get on ODSP. I came back to Peer 17 and realized they could help
me more than my Mental Health Counsellor could, because I am with other people who “walk
the walk” and “talk the talk”. Here I am able to use my Peer Support training. By taking
WRAP sessions which were very helpful, I made new friends. Now I have started my own
groups, which include CODA (codependency) and Good Grief which has to do with any kind
of loss. I never thought I would be facilitating my own groups.
In short, I will always be continuing my journey, as there will always be some UP’S AND
DOWN’S.
The Story of My Life
Dawn
L – Life
O – Optimism
V – Values
E - Encouragement
I am writing this because I want people to be inspired a little. I do not suffer from any of the
more severe forms of mental illness. I do suffer from depression and some anxiety. When I
became sick I lived with my one brother in the country. His friends were my friends. Where
we lived I was very isolated. His friends helped him but I was very lonely all of the time. I was
called lazy and irresponsible by a family friend. I knew there was something wrong but not
where to go to get help. The only thing I could think to do was to kill myself.
I finally did go to the hospital. They let me talk to a Psychiatrist there. While I was there I
learned about my illness and what to do to get better safely. I found a safe place to live in after I
was well enough to leave and came to the realization that I was on my own.
I heard about the Freedom Centre. I was too scared to go there but I made my mind up to go. I
have now been attending the Freedom Centre since 2007. I have other medical problems and by
learning about them I have learned to fight them which helped me to keep on getting better
daily. I also helped the other people who were there just by talking to them. I have made and
lost some friends and I have seen staff come and go. Now I am a Centre Rep. I also help the
staff when they need help.
I have taken WRAP. It was an 8 week class but it was in the early stages. I also have taken a
Self Esteem class which has helped me to become stronger and better each day.
I attended WRAP to learn how to get well safely and how to understand what my illness was.
By taking WRAP I learned how to identify what my triggers were and how to cope with them. I
learned how to take care of myself. I learned how to become more responsible by shopping for
myself, doing laundry, keeping my appointments, etc.
I have wellness tools – music, rip up paper, reading, watching TV, etc. My triggers are family
and the news. WRAP helped me to learn how to cope every day. I am hoping to take WRAP in
the future for more help so that I can keep on staying well.
Slither
T. Buchanan
I slither slowly on the ground,
with deep dark thoughts abound.
In perpetual agony I slither on,
not knowing how far I have gone.
Never really opening my eyes,
never really making any ties.
Never really stopping along the way,
never really considering a place to stay.
And I slither slowly along life's path,
always thinking and doing the math.
I wonder if, and when and where,
and if I will ever truly get to there.
Never really opening my eyes,
never really making any ties.
Never really stopping along the way,
never really considering a place to stay.
But I don't really know where I head,
don't know how many skins I have shed.
Don't know the impression I leave on this earth,
Don't know what this life has been worth.
The Story of My Life
Kay
I have had a rough time in my life. At the age of 7, I was sexually abused. I have no recollection
of how long the abuse went on. I have 5 to 7 years that I simply can’t remember, it is blocked
out. By the time I became a teenager I was abusing myself by cutting, burning, anything and in
any way I could. I was raised in a very dysfunctional family where my mother abused me but
not my brothers. I was to be the perfect daughter but she constantly put me down, degraded me
all of the time, telling people how I was no good. I didn’t get any love from my Dad. I did go to
church and my faith continues to be really important to me. I have been bullied my whole life
from Kindergarten right up until now where I am bullied at my apartment. I have several
medical issues that make me not able to work.
Since my teens I have tried to overdose around 60 times. The last time I tried was in a park but
someone found me and I woke up in the hospital. They wouldn’t admit me because I keep
overdosing.
I try reaching out to certain people but a lot of people see me as too difficult and don’t want to
help. I do have some friends that help out and helping people is very important to me because
what I can do for them makes them better. I do have my toy poodle who is really important to
me.
I do things like volunteer at Nightlight and at the Centre. Faith is also important to me and the
church is a family for me. They pray for me and I pray a lot. I get help from a Mental Health
Provider, Nightlight, physiotherapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I’ve been told that I’m
a survivor given what I’ve been through. I’m very perceptive and intuitive. I see things that
others don’t.
I like getting out of the house and being with friends and my dog. I would really like a good
friend and one who is also really positive. I did try and get back together with my brothers but
they don’t want to. I work at trying to make it through every day.
The Story of My Life
Janette
Hi, my name is Janette. I am 55 years old and have been coming to the Madoc Support Center
for 5 years. Throughout the course of my life I have been through mental, physical and sexual
abuse. Through my family physicians over the years I was diagnosed with many physical
illnesses such as Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, Thyroids, Arthritis, Sleep Apnea, Asthma and an
Erratic Heart Beat.
Around my late 40's l began to see Psychiatrists who diagnosed me with a couple of mental
illnesses - severe Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
My childhood and most of my teen years were horrible for the most part. With all the abuse
and neglect coupled with being shipped from foster home to foster home it was terribly
traumatizing. Later on I got married and had four wonderful children. Although things would
seem so much better, I could never forget reliving those moments over and over. It kept going
until one day I broke. I ended up in the psychiatric ward for 2-3 weeks. At that point I didn't
know I had family or even who I was. The only person I could remember was my mother. To
this day I have large gaps in my memory. My traumatization has caused me to lose precious
memories of my children growing up. It is something I can never get back. No matter how hard
I try.
Then it happened. All of a sudden in my 40's my life slowly began to turn around. I started
going to the sexual assault clinic and even to their retreat in Picton. I met Anne Waymark a
Mental Health Service Worker. It was great to have someone to vent to that was not my family.
She always wore a wonderful smile that could cheer anyone up. After being convinced by
Annie and my youngest daughter I began to go to the Madoc Support Centre.
I've met so many nice people at the Centre. It was great to chat to people who have been in
similar situations. I've participated in a few workshops like Wrap, Self Esteem, and Anger
Solutions. I liked having the wide variety of guest speakers at the Centre w h o share
information on their topic. When at the Centre I not only enjoy the conversations but euchre,
bingo, and crafts as well. The staff are all amazing, they are great listeners and easy to talk to
and will try to include you in everything going on.
I am so grateful for the support of staff at the C entre and my family throughout the years.
Thank you so much!
The Story of My Life
Linda
I had a very unhappy childhood even though there were lots of good times but there was sexual
and physical abuse. My mother would lock me in the cellar for long periods. She was
hospitalized in her 40’s in Whitby Psychiatric Hospital. My father was a loving father but
sexually abused me. They were very strict parents though. I’m a Christian and very religious.
God does answer prayers. I would pray to my heavenly father and he would answer. God
never gives you anything that you can’t stand.
One time when I was in Dartmouth, I wanted to go home for Christmas and I didn’t have any
money so I prayed and prayed and I had written my mother some time earlier. I kept praying
and I got a letter from my mother and in it was $20.00 and I was able to go home for Christmas.
He looks after me.
I’ve had mental health problems since my teens. I lived in Nova Scotia.
My ex-husband made my life so difficult and unbearable that I had to move away and leave my
3 year old daughter behind. My ex-husband got custody of her and I have never seen her since
that day. I never got to see her go to school or anything like that. I moved to Toronto where I
was a waitress and then worked in a donut shop but the jobs never worked out. I didn’t take
my meds. I would throw them out and I had to go to Whitby Psychiatric Hospital for six
months. There the nurses taught me the importance of taking my meds and now I always take
them. From there I went into a home for special care and that is where I met my current
common law husband. We were together a long time but I had to leave him last year on
November 8th. It was a really difficult Christmas and New Year’s but I had to look after my own
mental health. I have a little place in town here and I visit my common law husband most
weekends. We watch movies and stuff but I know I can’t go back there.
I’ve got a place here at the Centre “Life House”. I don’t know what we would do without it, I
really don’t. We gather here and we all help each other out. It would be better if we were open
more days and a few evenings as well. There isn’t anything around here for men especially in
the winter and if it was open a few hours in the evening they could get Peer help.
Poetic Soldier
T. Buchanan
Part I Fine Art
The past few nights I cried myself to sleep,
Now I don’t know if that makes me weak,
Or whether it makes me sadistically strong,
I laid there and wondered if I was wrong.
I wanted to believe that everything was fine,
But I could not control these thoughts of mine.
I couldn’t harness them as they streaked ahead
Secretly, I yearned to find the morning dead.
To forget the complications that I have found,
Then I realized what it would be like w/o you around.
That this is the tragic consequence of our time together,
I ask myself if it’s possible to survive this stormy weather.
Part II Interlude
I slowly drift away to that place,
I never know if it is real or fake.
Or how long it is going to take,
And then in an instant I see your face
Part III Enough
The sweat slides from our skin.
We have been placed in this position,
Again .
And neither one of us knows why,
We even bother to begin to,
Try.
Maybe it’s because we have a lust,
For the passion of pains and
Mistrust.
You are my angel and I am your saint,
If heaven is willing to overlook all of the,
Complaints.
And we can’t take Jesus on his word,
Because it is not something either of us,
Heard.
Perhaps we will not make the Ascent,
Possibly we are destined for a fiery,
Descent.
And you know I will still be your saint,
And you my angel, even if the wings we must,
Paint.
And this story will continue to be told,
Long after we have grown tired and,
Old.
Onward we will struggle with our lust,
Our love will continue beyond our bones becoming,
Dust.
I long to be free, only if for a while,
Even long enough just to see you,
Smile.
The Story of My Life
Tammy
My story begins with a really bad childhood where I was sexually, physically and emotionally
abused constantly. I was diagnosed with OCD, ADHD and in and out of foster homes on a
regular basis. My mother would want me and then six months later not and I would end up in
another foster home. Some of the foster homes were alright, but others were pretty bad.
About 15 years ago I met a man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and he moved in
with me and my three children. The first five years were good and then pure verbal abuse all of
the time. I remember him proudly telling me that he gave me AIDS and that I would die. I lost
my children to CAS and then really got into the drugs and it just spiralled out of control. I
tested positive for HIV and life was just awful after that. I didn’t know I was pregnant until I
was about five months along. I wanted an abortion because I was HIV positive, but when I
went into hospital they put me on all kinds of medication so that the baby might be able to be
delivered without getting HIV. My son was born and tested negative for HIV and was put up
for adoption because I knew I couldn’t look after him.
My boyfriend continued the abuse
and it got worse until I had a complete breakdown. Shortly after, he died and I became very
depressed and decided to move to Belleville to hopefully reunite with my kids.
About six years ago my father passed away and I continued to use drugs as much as I could.
Two years ago I injected into my neck and ended up in Kingston hospital where they told me
that I would never walk again. Well today I am able to walk, even though I have an electric
wheelchair. I live downtown now in Belleville and that is better because it is easier to get
around and I can get to the Centre all of the time. When I’m in the Centre I am clean, I don’t use,
we can’t use. That’s one big reason that we come to the Centre and hang out cause we can stay
clean for the time it is open but as soon as it is closed I use. If it was open more, more people
wouldn’t have to use.
Today I’m as happy as I can be, living here downtown, and I see three of my four children and
that is important to me. I like to help others out when I can, maybe giving them a place to sleep
if they need it or whatever. I do what I can.
It isn’t the life I thought of when I was younger, I wanted to be a vet or at least a vet tech. I love
animals and I have two little dogs that are really important to me but that isn’t how my life
turned out.
The Story of My Life
Lorie
My name is Lorie and I am an alcoholic, like my beloved Mom was.
Life was not very good to me growing up. As a child of 6 or 7, I was molested by a family
member. The abuse was ongoing for three years from what I remember. Later on I learned I was
not the ONLY one. I couldn’t protect anyone else let alone myself.
Recently I have been realizing My Recovery Journey began when I decided to stop drinking - to
stop self-medicating. I never felt I was worth anything, worthless and un-loveable. For many
years the shame and guilt were overwhelming. To cope I drank. I drank when my grandpa
died and when my marriage fell apart. For a year after my husband left me and our two kids I
drank daily. I found it was a way to numb the pain. But it’s ONLY temporary, it does not last
and I felt worse.
My friend Cindy was one of the first and only people I shared this with however two years ago
she was murdered.
I have not started drinking and I am very proud of myself. I escaped an abusive relationship.
My healing journey has not been easy. Faith and hope have helped me. Believing in myself and
knowing finally at fifty-six that I am good enough and that the abuse and sexual assaults/rapes
were not my fault.
The temptation to drink will ALWAYS be there but I am stronger now by finally
acknowledging that I have depression and seeking help and knowing that asking for help is not
a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. I am letting go of the pain and anger and
experiencing real joy.
This is my Recovery story. I am happy to be alive. Every day I find Joy. Joy in the simple things
like my kids and my cat.
One of the best things I ever did for me was walking through the doors of New Beginnings
Mental Health Support Centre. Originally I told my daughter about it but never went myself.
At her invitation she encouraged me to go. That has been extremely instrumental in my
Recovery.
I am living in a city going to the Mental Health Support Centre there and continuing on in my
journey. There I have learned about WRAP and ALL that it means to me. Without it I believe I
would not be here or where I am today. I am so very proud of myself. I am not ONLY a
Survivor but I Thrived. Living a life I didn’t think possible, but is!
The Story of My Life
R.T.
Life can be so interesting, innocent at times, thunderstruck at others. Life was going on its
merry way. Then like a sudden whack alongside my head, life changed.
I had a good job as a Life Insurance Agent and was very optimistic about the future. I was on
the right track. Then I noticed that no matter how well my week went I never felt happy. We
had bought our dream house, the house we pictured one day owning. Not even that would
loosen the knot of my mood. Nothing in my world gave me pleasure. I tried harder and harder
and I set my goal on being the best Insurance Agent. No, THE best. I went to seminars, bought
self-help books (at least 150) and CDs, and yes I was really going to be the best! I had the ideas
and the energy. I also had the idea of self-medicating which helped eliminate the sad feelings.
My wife spoke to my Manager and WE agreed I would seek help. I was an avid church member
so I went to seek help from my Minister. With his help I stopped self-medicating. However, I
still hadn’t lost sight of being the best salesperson. In the fall campaign of that year I sold 66
policies in 6 weeks ending in November. I was #1 across the country, whoo-hoo. By the end of
December, I was number one across the country again. Had I finally arrived? Not quite,
something else had different ideas for me. It was an illness and it was called Bipolar Disorder.
Once the dust had settled I realized that not only did I have all these policies to deliver, we were
approaching the investment season. I had no energy left but lots of great ideas if I could only
get my body to move. My doctor suggested a six week hospital stay would be necessary in
order to settle me down and find the proper medication for me.
When I got out I realized there was no job left for me, my wife and I separated, and my mom
was dying of cancer. I remember going to the welfare office. I felt embarrassed - is this what my
life had come to? I also, in an awkward way, felt strength, that I survived! I was hospitalized for
another thirteen weeks and after three tries I was accepted for the CPP disability program.
I’m going on my ninth year with MHSNSEO as a Team Leader/Peer Supporter. I believe in our
program for recovery - WRAP (Wellness, Recovery Action Plan).
The stories, and the people are different and so familiar, no matter what your illness is there is
always hope.
Host of Strangers
T. Buchanan
There are certain pictures that will escape my head,
As I saunter away from this resting place of the dead.
Struggling for memories and instances that I wish to recall,
Simultaneously wondering why this life was chosen to befall.
Amid stubborn denial, rampant anger and riveting fear,
I hope these oblivious answers, my way will steer.
Questions of spirits, souls and nothingness which accompany death,
And the pain of repeatedly contemplating one’s last moment and breath.
The wasted years of being deluded by a false understanding,
Ever pondering as to why I still remain in body standing.
Mulling through these thoughts, over coffee and quarter cut sandwiches,
Comfort foods in this situation do not exist; they are part of the larger myths.
The rigorous sugar coating motif, brought about when dealing with the dead,
Immaculate caskets, lavish dress and talks of resurrections flow like the tears shed.
But it all does nothing to quell my questions, revoke my fear and impending dangers,
About what it would be like to be committed to the ground amongst a host of strangers.
The Story of My Life
Warren
Well, ever since I was a child, I can remember God talking to me. I thought it was my own
voice. I had a difficult childhood and people did not understand me. Teachers thought that I
was not trying hard enough. They didn’t know I had a learning disability. My mom, my
grandmother and grandfather on my mother’s side understood me the best. My dad was very
mean to me emotionally and physically. I had friends but they didn’t last very long once they
got to know me. A few stuck by me for a long time.
The doctors have told me that I had characteristics of Asperger’s, Schizophrenia, Bipolar, and
anxiety. They say I am unique, they don’t know if I am one of a kind. I know I am one of a
kind. God made me that way. The doctors call my condition Warren. Sometimes I have
problems with anxiety and/or racing thoughts. Sometimes I feel like a nut and sometimes I
don’t. What I have learned from this is sometimes when I have racing thoughts; it is God
solving things for me. So I solve it before I get depressed or anxiety sets in before my problems
get worse. I am a very sensitive and caring person.
I have learned that I am a very good listener. I found that out when I went back to school the
second time. I learned better by listening more and watching people. I finished high school; I
completed a degree in Police Science at Loyalist College. I then went to Carleton University the
first time where I took Psychology. During this time my problems arose and I had to quit
school. I suffered with no help and bad situations for eighteen years. I was on the wrong
medication; it made me have no feelings. I had a second breakdown at the age of 42. During
this time I have been healing with the help of doctors, counsellors, Three Doors Down, my
church and God. I went back to Carleton University and finished my BA in Psychology.
I now am a mentor at my church, I sing in the band, I belong to a young adults’ bible study
group and I might become an EA assistant for children like myself. I work for the Mental
Health Support Network when they need someone to fill in and I am a music teacher. I am
willing to give up teaching music for Peer Supporting because that is where God wants me.
The Story of My Life
Anonymous
There was a time when I enjoyed movies that did not have happy endings; this allowed people
to see that the world is not all fairy tales and sunshine, despite what Hollywood and Network
Television wants us to believe. I always hoped that the guy being chased by the police car on
the television show COPS would get away, achieve freedom.
For so many years I was trying to achieve freedom, trying to get away from it all, writing my
own unhappy ending. When I was younger I experienced what professionals call ‘trauma’, but
I don’t think anyone ever understood the impact the ‘trauma’ would have on my life.
By all accounts I was a happy child, full of life and hyperactivity. Curious and adventurous
would sum my personality up well. Then the ‘trauma’ hits and I lose part of my identity. I lose
my understanding of the world as I know it and what it is supposed to be. I am an innocent,
small child who knows they have to learn a life which is drastically different. Gone is the care
free, adventurous child, I don’t know who I am anymore, or who I am supposed to be - bring on
the mask.
By all accounts of others I was a happy child, who was popular, got good grades in school,
played sports and was involved in a lot of different social events. I wore a great mask. Inside I
was insecure, afraid of change, had anxiety every time I was put in a new situation, and was
terrified of being left alone. I started using substances in Public School, another layer to the
mask. By the time I was sixteen I would be considered an addict by all professional definitions
of the word. I engaged in risky activities and behaviours, which could have, if not should have
cut my life short.
It is easy to look back now and dissect the why, but at the time I was oblivious, I didn’t know
why I was doing what I was doing, I believed it to be “normal” or “typical” behaviour. I
graduated high school as an Ontario Scholar and got into every university in Ontario which I
applied to. But I was just going through the motions, living out expectations that were not my
own, only doing what had been fed to me. But I didn’t really care what was coming next,
because I knew there was a plan, and that it would all work out, despite my addiction. I was in
a relationship throughout most of high school, the plan was to go away to school, make
memories, get married, have kids, the high school sweetheart love story, the end. Then in a
conversation everything changed, the plan was gone, the unknown had shown up, the change
was happening and I was not equipped to deal with it. I sink deeper into my addiction, using 7
days a week while attending one of the most prestigious universities in the country.
My years at university were lost, filled with partial memories, I was oblivious, and I was
numbed by substance because I didn’t want to feel things. Then one fateful Thanksgiving
weekend my world changed again. After binging for a number of days, I woke up on a floor to
a ringing phone, a friend answered and I knew from the one side of the conversation I heard
that something was wrong. One of my friends was killed in a car accident the night before, and
another friend was in critical condition. I was shattered, I had a very tight group of friends and I
believed we were invincible. This event would lead to the worst years of my addiction, as
friendships splintered and blame was tossed around, I just wanted away from it all. Most of all,
I wanted away from the pain. I started spending more time with people who I thought were like
me, who didn’t expect anything or want to feel anything. This lasted for about 5 years, during
which time I met someone and we started a relationship. I started to feel things again, but my
substance use was a problem for the relationship and after 2 years she gave me an ultimatum.
Either I quit or the relationship was over. I was willing to try. My first go at sobriety lasted a
little over a week. I ended up at a social activity where I was not ready to say no to using, just a
little I thought, nobody will know. I ended up blacked out with not much recollection of what
had happened the night before. I called the person I was in the relationship with and admitted
my use, their word held true and it was over. I was devastated partly because I tried to be
honest, but more importantly because I could no longer take the feelings I was experiencing.
I came to realize I couldn’t live like that anymore. I didn’t want the remorse, the guilt, not
knowing what I had done, the physical and psychological toll it was taking on me. So that was
the last day I used. I went on living my life, coping with my mental health and anxiety as best I
could. I would go through periods of being medicated, and then go off of medication because I
just didn’t know if it was right for me. I experienced a panic attack about 18 months after I
stopped using which was career related and realized I needed to seek out some help. I took
some time to evaluate what I was doing career wise and realized that making the most money
possible wasn’t the most important thing about a career, but rather did I believe in what I was
doing, what my employer was doing. Since this revelation I have had a couple of jobs which I
have thoroughly enjoyed and have found alternative and more positive ways to deal with my
anxiety and my past.
I have not used in 7 years and although I can’t go back and change the past, I mustn’t forget it
because it has made me who I am today and is a reminder as to who I want to be tomorrow.
The Story of My Life
Ashley
Hello, my name is Ashley. I am a Consumer Rep at the Madoc Support Centre. I have been
coming to the Centre for a little over 5 years now. Throughout my entire life I have been
through mental abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse.
After a while I believed that no one wanted me around and never truly loved me. In order not
to feel the emotional pain for even just a brief moment, I began to cut myself exchanging one
pain for another. After my parents figured out what was going on I was sent to the hospital. It
was there I ended up with a Mental Health Service Worker.
My worker took me to see a Psychiatrist where I was diagnosed with Depression, Borderline
Personality Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress and Social Phobia. It was at that point I became a
shut-in, rarely ever leaving my house. After a fair bit of convincing, I started to visit the Madoc
Support Centre for the Self Esteem Workshop to help me, but never went frequently. My
mother started going to the Centre after I told her about it. She kept insisting I go with her. At
that point I would not go unless she did.
I started going to the Centre more frequently. I took the Anger Solutions Workshop which
helped me figure out more about myself. I was doing more and more things such as: arts and
crafts, the writer’s group and one member even taught me how to play euchre.
After a while I started to see things like how amazing the members and the staff are. The staff
are kind and caring and listen to my troubles with no judgment in their eyes. The members are
great and it was nice to find people who have been through similar situations. It was and is a
great comfort. I liked how they all tried to include me in everything and encouraged me to be
myself. I was finally able to come to the Support Centre without my mother.
I’ve made so many great friends. I loved the warm safe feeling I felt when I wasn’t used to it at
all. I owe everything I am now to my Mental Health Service worker, my mother, my new
friends, the Peer Support Workers and the Team Leader. Without all of them helping and
encouraging me I don’t know where I’d be or who I’d be for that matter. So I would like to take
the opportunity to thank everyone for everything that they have done for me.
Reach For the Sky
River
Sorry, my tired whispers say
As more of myself falls away
My words fall from my frozen face
So I won’t take up as much space.
The universe is infinite
But I don’t think I belong in it
So invisible I try to shrink
Standing so close to the brink.
I wear shame as a worn-out shirt
With holes, rips and a lot of dirt
I try to hide these feelings in my shell
So that no one can never, ever tell.
I wear shame as a straightjacket
Binding me into a little packet
Stopping my arms from expression
Invisibly shackled by my oppression.
I just want to be loved, accepted and belong
This need I have is it so wrong
The lies I have believed about myself
Has really kept me on the shelf.
My mental disabilities can be a scare
I go to support centers where I know they care
And take meds and therapy that I know I need
And ok, maybe a just a bit of weed.
I think we are all a flower bud yet to be opened and seen
Ready to explode with the brightest of colour
No matter where we’ve been
Or like a butterfly rising from the cocoon
Hearing a song of a different tune.
Beautiful, shimmering, fragile we are
We are way more than we are at the bar
Drugs and alcohol are my addictions
I know I am treating my own afflictions.
We are not a mistake, blot or stain
But rather the connection of each vein
Creator is still working on his masterpiece
Sounds way better than the plans of police.
We can uncurl from our ball
Blossom, and stand tall
Burst into millions of colours and shapes
In spite of all the abuse and the rapes.
And the beauty of our own self
Let’s take it down from the shelf
Be confident, hold our head high
And why not reach for the sky?
The Story of My Life
Dave
My story begins with my birth in Belleville, into a family life filled with drama and alcohol and
substance use. There were always cops and violence around and I started using when I was 9
or 10 years old. By the time I was 14 my addictions were hard-core and out of control. When I
was 14, I went to jail for the first time and by 16, I was out of school, making money and into
drugs. This was a habit I was taught.
Growing up I had no family life, no Christmas, violence was the norm. I didn’t have friends my
age to come over to my house because I was embarrassed and didn’t think they would want to
be around. I was only comfortable having party people, who were older coming over to my
house. You never really knew what you were going to walk into when you came to my house.
Both of my parents died when I was 17, about a month and a half apart. I was left a lot of
money through this and as a result my life got very fast. I had too much money and got really
bad into cocaine. By the time I was 18, I was in and out of jail constantly, I just seemed to be in
the wrong spot at the wrong time.
From the age of 18 to 24 I hitchhiked all over Ontario and at age 24 I landed in Kingston for a
while. When I was 28, I stopped going to jail, I was getting tired of it all. I was always with
women who had children, searching for a family that I never really had. I had worked most of
my life until I was 31 at which time I got hit in the head causing partial paralysis which lasted
for 3 years. It took me 2 years to walk with a cane, at which point I left my wife. I started using
heavily and my addiction was out of whack, in part because I realized I had employment
limitations. I breached a probation order and returned to jail. I went into rehab for 60 days in
2011 and made it through. I moved in with an ex-cop who opened the door for my relapse. He
said if I was going to use, to use at the house, in my eyes he made it ok. I relapsed on Crystal
Meth and this resulted in me getting tired and worn out. I was down and out and irritated with
society. I knew people were trying to calm me down with my addiction. I had been high for
days and found myself on a church step. An older woman at the top of the step walked down
to me and gave me a hug. She knows my name and says a friend of mine is inside and has
saved me a seat. I walked in and right in the middle of the church was this guy who I knew,
but we weren’t really friends. I went over and sat, the guy shakes my hand and hugs me.
Because of this, I started to think more about my path. I started breaking down emotionally in
church. Whatever the preacher said, there was this word that caused an emotional response.
The older woman and the man are hugging me, and I am breaking down more. That day was
the day I started to fight to be clean. It was hard for a while but I wanted to be clean. My
environment made it very difficult. I did well for a little while, and then relapsed for 3 days. I
was arrested and received 28 days. I got out and moved to Belleville where I stayed at a local
hotel for a night. I moved upstairs over a bar and had to call my probation officer for approval,
due to the conditions on my probation.
About a month later I got a one bedroom apartment and was doing very well, but unfortunately
my boredom makes me hang out in the wrong places and because of that I relapsed again. I
went to rehab and picked up a part time job. I have had a one day relapse, but I worked through
it. I picked up a second part time job and have been volunteering. It is a process. I know I need
to keep busy and volunteering gives me self-worth. I know from my experience that hanging
around certain places starts to get to you and I just work through it as best I can. I try and stay
positive and be around people who support me. Abstinence is my main goal.
The Story of My Life
David T.
My journey began in school. From grade 1 until grade 12 I was bullied because I was small. In
high school I gained 6” in height with the same frame and was still picked on. In grade 13 it
stopped because all of the bullies had finished school by then. Once I left school I went to work
at St. Mary’s of the Lake Hospital as an orderly which required grade 10 English and a strong
back. I worked there for 3 years.
I fell in love with a girl I met at Lennox and Addington County Hospital where I was working
part-time.
I moved to Kingston after I turned 18 for work and just before my 20th birthday, in hindsight I
can see now, my thought pattern began to change. I would get impulsive thoughts and act on
them. I was engaged and dating women at the same time. My wife to be and I realized it wasn’t
a good idea to get married, but did anyway. While I was married I had an affair. The marriage
lasted 13 months and then my wife and I separated. We had a son early in the marriage.
I then dated a woman for 2 years, whom I really liked and I was hypo manic at the time. Back in
those days my manic periods and depressive periods were about the same length in time. With
this illness it was hard to keep a job because I could not handle negative criticism from my
bosses so I would quit. I was diagnosed with clinical depression which was a misdiagnosis I
had for 25 years.
I joined the Armed Forces for work and had lied on the application. I was stranded out in
Calgary for 2 years but was never out of work while I was there.
I came back to Ontario, lived with my parents and worked at 2 different jobs. Then I had a
chance to take an electrical engineer course which was 2 years jammed into 1. After I was done
the course I could not use what I had learned because it was obsolete. During school I met my
second wife. We lived together a couple of years then got married. It was a pretty good
relationship on all levels except she had a tendency to be psychologically abusive towards me.
She would get angry at me when I was manic and also get mad at me when I was depressive.
We had 2 kids and I worked as a superintendent in a luxurious building in Belleville which
lasted for 5 years.
During these 5 years I developed epilepsy and because of the medications I was unable to
function like I used to be able. After this I was unable to carry a full time job and my wife
worked 2 jobs. I became the house husband looking after 2 kids, Paul and Kate and these were
the happiest times of my life. My second wife and I divorced which I feel was a result of the
pressure of her working 2 jobs and my mental illness, plus she “fell out of love” with me.
I moved back with my parents and worked for short periods. I still had a relationship with my
kids and finally got my ODSP and moved to Belleville. My father passed away when I was on
my own and this was very hard on me. I was like my Dad; he dealt with a mental illness just
like I do. I did do odd jobs and volunteered for Mental Health.
There has always been love in my life and I find it healing. I always try to be a gentleman. There
has been some loneliness which is the hardest part. I have strong family ties and this has
helped me especially with my mother now that my dad is gone. A good example of my
mother’s support for me happened just a few weeks ago. I had called her because I was out of
coffee and wondered if she had any. She had told me she didn’t think she had any and told me
she would take me out to get some coffee and buy me supper, which she did. But not only did
she buy me coffee and supper she also bought me $40.00 worth of groceries. My mom is great
and the rest of my family is good to me as well but I seldom hear from them or get together
unless it’s a religious or secular event. My sister will call periodically to check up on me if I
haven’t called and talked to her.
I have accepted my mental illness, it’s a chemical imbalance in my brain and I take my
medications regularly, live my life and if I have a partner it makes it better. The only problem I
have with my illness is the older I get my depressive times are longer than my manic time but
having a partner helps. I am currently in a relationship now and I am looking forward to it
growing.
Coming to Peer 17 is a place for me to get away from my apartment. Some personalities are
hard to take but so far so good. I like the affordable lunches and the free coffee. The staff are
good and some of the guest speakers they have here are of interest.
The Story of My Life
Cathy
I had a wonderful childhood and my parents loved me and were really good to me but didn’t
believe me when I told them I had been raped by a farm worker. I ended up dealing with it on
my own. I have developed my own coping strategies through my life and I don’t let it consume
me. I let God handle my life and I hand it over to God. Faith is very important to me, very
important.
I became a nurse and ended up working in a hospital for long term Aids patients. As it turned
out, one night the man who raped me was admitted and I was assigned to be his nurse. He
recognized me and he did eventually admit that he raped me even though he had told my
father years ago that he hadn’t. He apologized and I forgave him and I ended up caring from
him into his last hours.
My second trauma was a dog bite - a bad dog bite. I overcame the fear and opened my own
kennel in 1990 where I bred German Shepherds.
My first husband suffered a stroke at the age of 36 and our daughter was 7 years old at the time.
He wasn’t expected to come home but he did 9 months later. He lived another 10 years until our
daughter was 17. Unfortunately when I came home from work early one day, I found out he
was having an affair and so we divorced. We remained friends but he moved away. When I
opened the kennel I met my second husband who had bipolar depression. He couldn’t deal
with my rebellious daughter and he ended up leaving. It was too much for him.
My daughter’s behaviours became really bad and we don’t see each other. She is married now
and has a child but I haven’t seen any of them. She has substance issues and mental health
issues but I don’t think she is getting any help. I wish I could have gone to her wedding. She got
married in Montreal and I heard it was beautiful.
I am currently in a relationship with another man and he is really good to me. Three years ago
my family home that my father built burned to the ground. I lost absolutely everything. Today,
we are living in an apartment and we’re rebuilding our lives. My family is helping to restore
things that meant so much like family photos. It was through Maggie’s I learned about Peer
Support and now I come here as much as I can.
The Rage
Ashley
I am imprisoned in this tiny cage,
It keeps building and building the rage.
I scream but no one ever hears,
I cry but no one sees the tears.
Every day feels like a year,
Every day it grows the fear.
The fear that I will never be free,
That I will never learn to be me.
Why won’t they let me out,
I can hear them lingering about.
They say it’s their kind of protection,
A way of showing their affection.
They refuse to let me go,
They just don’t seem to know.
I am imprisoned in this tiny cage,
It keeps building and building the rage.
The Story of My Life
Tom
I had a great childhood growing up. It was so great that it messed me up for what my life is
today.
My grandparents are my heroes. They raised me and they never let me trip and fall. If I owed
money they paid it. Whatever the need, they looked after it. I now have an odd addiction. Just
how tight can I stretch my money? Sometimes I go too far and need to be bailed out. When I
was growing up my grandfather wouldn’t take any money for rent so the rent money turned
into food. My grandfather said that a food addiction is better to have than a substance addiction
and that it is easier to kick. I didn’t care about video games or anything like that, but I did eat.
At one time I weighed 703 lbs. I have health problems now because of it. I didn’t know when I
was younger how bad the health problems were going to be.
When I was 15 to 22 years old the only people I could be with were the outcasts. It was
comfortable to be with them. Mostly I felt like being alive was a waste of time.
I was taken from my grandparent’s home and put into foster care but then went back six
months later. My Mom and I had a huge argument and I ended up in juvenile detention. My
grandparents ended up putting me in wrestling but that eventually ended. But I loved
wrestling. My life was so limited and boring that I was either at the house with my
grandparents or at the baseball league or the Centre. Thanks to the Centre in Madoc things go a
lot better. I was living on my own for a while but then my grandfather died and I tried to kill
myself. I became a bit of a shut in. The Peers at Madoc helped me piece my life back together. I
hurt if I can’t make another person happy so I will put myself at risk to make someone else
happy. My depression is really so bad and I have to OCD on things. I do everything in excess.
I’ve had professional help and it didn’t do anything for me. The Centres have been a huge help
in my life. When I walk into a Centre they know when I need to talk and they put things down
and talk. They are like a second family to me. I don’t crash as bad as long as I get to the Centre.
At one point in my life I was in darkness that I didn’t think even God could pull me out of but
there isn’t anything that you can’t come back from if you accept the help that is available.
The Story of My Life
Barb
I had a great childhood and wonderful parents growing up. I’m a Christian and my faith is
really important to me and it really helped me in my recovery even though I didn’t know it at
the time. I was a drinker before I had a breakdown but I have been 6 years free. My life is happy
now but it wasn’t always that way.
I had a son who was diagnosed with a rare syndrome and ADHD. I spent 30 years helping my
son, looking after him. Somewhere in the process I lost “me”. I would hide behind laughter so
that people wouldn’t see what was actually happening to me, the hurt and pain. In 2009 I had a
complete breakdown and since then I have recovered and everything about me has changed,
my whole being. I use WRAP, which I learned in Pembroke and the groups and WRAP have
really helped a lot. I firmly believe that you should take advantage of everything around you.
I moved to a new town and my children don’t need me anymore. They want me to move back
but I’m happy here. I am really happy here. I’m still on medication but not ready to go off of
them yet.
I wish I knew then what I know now and my life would have been a lot different. Now I talk
about my mental health and I’m not ashamed. We need to talk about it so that people aren’t
afraid of it.
The Story of My Life
Claire
I was born in a hospital in Toronto, expected to be this healthy bouncy baby girl but instead
I was born with a hole in my heart. My family was unaware of this fact until I was a month
old. My grandmother noticed that my breathing was not very good. A trip to Sick Kids
Hospital in Toronto confirmed that in the bottom right of my heart, there was a hole. At
the time the doctors wanted to wait until I was five years of age to do surgery but because
of complications, surgery was performed when I was 18 months old. At the age of 7, I
suffered a Grand Mal seizure. I was subsequently diagnosed with Epilepsy, which left me
taking medication, making me feel disconnected from reality.
All of this led my childhood to be sheltered and overprotected because of my "Special
Treatment".
I was very much bullied emotionally and physically at school. There was also abuse at home
because of my father's alcoholism. As a result of the abuse at home, I left my family at the
age of 14 and lived with my grandmother. Soon after I left, my mother and brother followed
me. A few years later, my father was found murdered. He did not keep the best company.
My first summer job was with the Canadian National Exhibition in Toronto. I met my first
boyfriend who became my husband. He took me to Portugal and I truly loved the
countryside there. After my first husband and I divorced, b e c a u s e o f p h y s i c a l a b u s e
a n d h i s a f f a i r , I moved to Bancroft where I found my salvation in Jesus Christ in whom I
find my strength for life and its struggles.
I met Dave and after a short courtship, Dave and I married in 1988. We were married in the
Land Pioneer Village in Keene Ontario. I could not have children because of my health. In
spite of my health and not being able to have children, Dave sacrificed those things to marry
me. We have been married 25 years now.
Through the years, my health got worse, for example: trouble breathing, angina, low energy,
weakness, tiredness. This rollercoaster continued for 20 years and in July 2009, I received a
heart and lung transplant. The transplant had a negative impact on my emotional and
psychological being.
In 2011, my counsellor invited me to the Life House where I could find support for the way I
was feeling. I was made to feel welcome right away. I started going on my own and over
time became more confident and felt supported and loved. I mattered. I came to the Life
House looking for help and now I am a Peer Support Rep., supporting others in their time of
need. This place is a family to me. Everyone is friendly, kind and giving. We laugh, we cry, we
hug and I am very grateful for the support that I am now getting.
Three years into the transplant, my health started to decline. I was rejecting my lungs. The
doctors did what they could for me, treating the rejection to the best of their knowledge but
without success. I was told In December 2013 that there was nothing more they could do for
me and am now palliative.
My husband Dave has been a rock to me. He takes care of me on top of working full time,
All my needs at home are met and then some...
I Am The Shadow
Joyce
I am the shadow,
I exist in a world of light,
Blending into the darkness of night.
My face you cannot see,
My expressions, sometimes misleading.
If you hear a whisper in the wind,
It may be me.
I am the shadow,
I exist in a world of sounds, good and bad.
Of laughter,
Crying,
Shouting,
Singing.
You think that I feel nothing,
No Love,
No hate,
No anger,
No fear,
No pain.
But you are wrong.
You think that I do not cry,
But I weep silently.
You cannot see the tears that slide down my cheeks,
But they are there.
I am the shadow, you cannot touch,
Always within sight but never within reacy..
I am the shadow, afraid to trust the light for it distorts me.
Please forgive me if I trick you,
I cannot control it.
I long to live in the light,
To be held and loved,
But I am only a silent shadow,
Watching but unable to take part in it all,
What others do, I can only dream of.
So I lurk in corners,
Misunderstood.
Always waiting for the night to come,
Always dying but never dead.
I am the shadow, I have no friends,
Even in a crowd, I’m all alone.
Existing in somber shades of grey,
A lonely shadow,
I’m doomed to stay.
The Story of My Life
Terri Lynn
Hi - my name is Terri Lynn. I was born on the coldest winter day of December 21, 1966. My
parents, Gord and Sheila were married 1 year before I was born. They have 3 kids, me, my
brother Jeff and my sister Lesley.
We grew up in Tweed on the highway between Tweed and #37. We lived on my Dad’s parent’s
farm until I was 18 years old. My parents have helped raise other children. They fostered 10
children over 10 years.
When I was 18, I was attacked mentally and physically by my boss. That September I went to
college for 3 years and when I turned 20 I married Terry. We had a rough marriage and he was
mentally and emotionally abusive. We were married for 13 years and had 3 children, Jacob,
Katie and Jamie. I divorced Terry and dated another man who abused my daughter. His
brother Tim also set our house on fire. My boyfriend Richard and I had twin boys during that
time, Ben and Bryan. I was treated at the Oshawa hospital and they told my parents I have
(bipolar) mental illness. I moved into Beacon House for 3 ½ months to learn how to live again
and without my husband and my children.
Jacob, Katie and Jamie live with their dad and Ben and Bryan live with my parents. Richard
and Tim were in jail for 6 months. I was alone, living in fear, shame guilt, the unknown.
I began getting better. I moved to Belleville and started a new life. I met Dawn at the Freedom
Centre and got a job as a Team Leader – it was amazing! I began to heal and become less angry.
I gave my job up at the Centre due to health issues, but I never gave up on them, they never
gave up on me. I also found a very nice man whom I married in 2001, Steve, this December will
be 3 years for us.
I am very happy today in my life and I still struggle with bipolar, but it gets easier every day.
Today I still struggle with my hurts, habits and hang-ups, but with God’s love, Freedom
Centre’s love and Steve’s love and grace, I am doing very well. Thank you.
The Story of My Life
D.F.
What is one cause of mental illness or depression? Abuse, whether it be physical, emotional,
psychological, sexual or financial.
I have encountered these problems in my relationships. It was not until I spoke to my doctor,
that I realized these symptoms. My doctor pointed out that had I been a woman, I would have
been treated at Three Oaks Foundation. Unfortunately for men, treatment is negligible or hard
to obtain. Presently, I am on the waiting list for Mental Health Services in Trenton, Ontario.
What I have realized were the symptoms of abuse, and I was attracted to the same type of
women in my past relationships.
Without the Mental Health Support Network I would have no one to turn to but my Doctor.
The Story of My Life
A.N.
A few years ago I was told by my Personal Support Worker that I had at the time, that I should
start going to the Madoc Support Center which was called Friends and Neighbors because I
would find it beneficial to my mental health. After being constantly told this, I finally went
there for the day.
I believed at the time that by being surrounded by people who have mental illness that it would
make the symptoms of my mental illness worse. After all, who was I to know that by going to
the Support Center it actually had the opposite effect, by letting me know that a person can
have a mental illness but it can be managed. When I first started attending the Center I kept to
myself and limited my interactions with others because of the fear of not knowing the people
who were there and also not knowing why they were there - as in what problems do they have?
But I kept going and I watched others, kept to myself, and only spoke when I was spoken to.
What that gave me through others conversations and their interactions with each other was that
I saw how open and honest they were to others about their personal issues and that those who
had mental illness were open and honest about their illness. This was all so new to me because
of the stigma surrounding mental illness and also the stigma surrounding the need for support.
As time went on I saw more things happening such as the kind nurturing side of humanity that
I never saw anywhere else. I saw people who would do anything they could, not only to help
their friends that were regulars at the Center but their willingness to help anyone who came
through that door. All of a sudden I knew that I was in a safe place that was controlled by
trained staff with good people who wouldn’t judge me for having a mental illness. I found that
everywhere else I would be judged BUT NOT THERE. As I kept going I started to slowly
transform back into the person that my family and former friends knew - the carefree and funloving guy that had been lost inside of me.
As time went on I got to know an older gentleman that had been living with the same mental
illness that I have, some different symptoms, but the same diagnosis. Just by meeting him and
seeing that he could live life day by day and pretty much worry free it gave me hope for a
brighter future. In fact I even had my first very own birthday party at the Madoc Support
Center.
I still go to The Madoc Support Center very often but the things that have changed are that I'm
happy, living life to the fullest, fully working through my own personal challenges. I’m no
longer depressed, no longer suffering in silence and overcoming my fears. I just got my G2
driver’s license, I have jobs lined up and I KNOW that very very soon I will be a fully functional
and contributing member of society again because I have weathered the storm and the sun is
finally shining again. I have a bright future ahead of me and I owe all of this to the Madoc
Support Center; the people who go there; the staff there and the Ontario Disability Support
Program. Without The Ontario Disability Support Program I would've been dead a long time
ago.
Desperate Cries
Deborah
Your heart’s full of sadness,
Not much you can say.
You cry and you cry,
Yet no one will help.
You feel so alone,
You wish you could die.
You know that’s not right,
So you just run and hide.
You’re hurt and you’re angry,
And you just don’t know why!
You think no one can help you,
When you’re feeling so low.
But somewhere out there,
There’s someone who cares,
‘Cause you’re not the only one,
Who thinks life is unfair.
The Story of My Life
Melanie
I had a brain injury from birth and was in special education my whole academic life but I did
graduate with honours from high school. I struggled for many years and worked odd jobs and
made a lot of friends.
I was emotionally abused by my ex-boyfriend. I was in a residential facility due to the abuse
from my ex-husband. I eventually met another man and that also ended in another bad
relationship.
I learned about the Centre in 2009 from a friend. When I came in I hid in the corner because I
felt a little vulnerable. Then eventually I started volunteering to do stuff around the Centre. I
met new friends and eventually became a Peer Rep for the Centre and also received the Ted
Fielding award.
The Centre was a huge turning point in my recovery and although I’m not clinically diagnosed,
I know that I am able to move on a little bit at a time because of what I have accomplished
through the Centre. I am taking some time away from the Centre and have resigned as the Peer
Rep right now while I do some other things, but I usually stop in the Centre two or three times a
week.
Who’s There For Me
Deborah
So many times I’ve walked alone,
No one knowing what I may feel.
So many times that I have cried,
Had to set my troubles aside.
I’m so alone, I worry and fret,
Then the pain starts up again.
I lash out at the painted walls,
‘Cause no one’s here for me at all.
Who can I turn to if not a friend?
Will I ever be able to laugh again?
In my heart I know I will,
But till then I need a friend.
C-2. 350- Front Street
Belleville, ON K8N 5M5
P (613) 969 0122
F (613) 969-1850
The Mental Health Support Network South East Ontario Corp. is funded by the Ministry of
Health and Long-Term Care through the South East Local Health Integration Network. Our
agency provides support and services within South East Ontario to people who are
experiencing Mental Health issues and seeking Peer Support as a ways and means of managing
and working toward being well.
Artwork:
Joker, Super Hero, Cave and Mermaid by J. Rogers
Owl by Shauna M.
Trees/water/smoke and Rocks/trees by Paul
Published in 2014 by Mental Health Support Network South East Ontario Corp. All rights
reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted
by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without written
permission from the publisher.
ISBN: 978-0-9939062-0-6