BEING CONCISE
Source: The Longman Concise Companion. Anson, Chris M., et al. New York: Pearson Longman, 2007.
Leaving extra words in your writing wastes valuable space—and your readers’ time.
WORDY
There is evidence that the use of pay as an incentive can be a contributing or
causal factor in improvement of the quality of work.
READER’S REACTION: Why is this so long-winded? What’s the point?
RESHAPED Incentive pay often encourages work of higher quality.
READER’S REACTION: Now I’m gaining a fuller, more subtle perspective.
Conciseness means using only the words you need—not the fewest words possible, but those
appropriate for your purpose, meaning, and readers.
COMMON TYPES OF WORDINESS
INTENSIFYING PHRASES (for all intents and purposes, in my opinion), intended to add force
but often carrying little meaning.
WORDY
As a matter of fact, most archaeological discoveries can be dated accurately.
CUT
Most archaeological discoveries can be dated accurately.
WORDY
Carbon 14 can be used to date a site only in the event that organic material has
survived. In a situation in which rocks need dating, potassium-argon
testing is used.
CUT
Carbon 14 can be used to date a site only if organic material has survived. When
rocks need dating, potassium-argon testing is used.
Common Wordy Phrases: PHRASE
REPLACEMENT
due to the fact that
=
because
at the present moment
=
now
a considerable proportion of =
many, most
has the capability to
=
can
regardless of the fact that
=
although
concerning the matter of
=
about
WORDY
In the short story, Young Goodman Brown is so totally overwhelmed by his own
guilt that he becomes extremely suspicious of the people around him. [25 words]
CUT
In the short story, Young Goodman Brown is so overwhelmed by guilt that he
becomes suspicious of the people around him. [21 words]
REWRITTEN In the short story, Young Goodman Brown’s overwhelming guilt makes him
suspect everyone. [13 words]
PAIRS THAT SAY THE SAME THING TWICE (each and every) and redundant phrases in
which adjectives repeat nouns (final outcomes), adverbs repeat verbs (completely finished), or
specific words imply general (small in size).
WORDY
Because it was sophisticated in nature and tolerant in style,
Keble Khan’s administration aided China’s development in the 1200s.
CUT
Because it was sophisticated and tolerant, Keble Khan’s
administration aided China’s development in the 1200s.
REWRITTEN Kohl Khan’s adept and tolerant administration aided China’s development in
the 1200s.
EDIT FOR CONCISENESS BY TRIMMING
TRIM IDEAS ALREADY STATED OR IMPLIED. Cut, but retain useful repetition that helps
readers follow an explanation or argument.
REPETITIVE Our proposal outlines a three-step program for converting the building into a
research center for the study of film and culture. Each of the three steps
discussed in our proposal should be completed in six months. We expect that
the building will be converted to a research center eighteen months from the
time work is begun.
CUT
We propose three steps for converting the building into a center for the study
of film and culture. Allowing six months for each step, we expect the building to
be converted in eighteen months.
Trim which, who, or that clauses and of phrases. Convert clauses to phrases, phrases to
words.
CLAUSES
Chavez Park, which is an extensive facility in the center of town, was
named after Cesar Chavez, who fought for migrant farmers’ rights.
CUT TO PHRASES Chavez Park, an extensive facility in the center of town, was named
after Cesar Chavez, an advocate for migrant farmers.
CUT TO WORDS
Chavez Park, an extensive downtown facility, was named after
migrant advocate Cesar Chavez.
REDUCE UNNECESSARY WRITER’S COMMENTARY. Make sure your comments guide
readers, but don’t overdo the commentary and end up talking about yourself rather than your
subject.
IRRITATING In my paper, I intend to show that the benefits of placebos (pills with no
physical effect) include improvements and cures, as mentioned above.
EDITED
The benefits of placebos (pills with no physical effect) include improvements and
cures.