HARVEST
BIBLE
CHAPEL
SONG OF SOLOMON
MAKING LOVE THROUGH EROS
Icebreaker—Most marriages are not destroyed because of the big “fox” issues. It’s the little “foxes” that bring
down a marriage. Long-lasting marriages aren’t lucky; the lasting marriages are a result of dealing with the little
issues and the big issues. Who has the longest lasting relationship you know? What is the key to the resilience of
their relationship?
1. Either your marriage is getting more loving or your marriage is getting more lonely. If you were honest about
your relationship right now, would you say your relationship is growing more loving or more lonely?
2. Eros is from God. Read Genesis 1:27-31 and 2:24-25. Eros is not just important—it is necessary. It is part of
the plan. Eros is very good. In the garden, Adam and Eve are naked and unashamed. The one thing that God saw as
not good in His creation was man being alone. So God creates Eve. Why is it dangerous for a person to be alone?
When people think about eros, why don’t we typically think about God’s creation?
Pastor James said commitment, friendship and having children together is not enough. What happens in a
marriage when we start to act like eros is optional?
3. Eros has been defiled. Read Genesis 3:7-13. As a result of the Fall, we see four indications of how eros has
been defiled:
(A) Prudish. Talking about sex is only wrong when it is degrading, solicitous, and makes a person an object. Why
do some people have trouble with fun in the bedroom? How do we discern the difference between appropriate
laughter and crude jesting?
(B) Prominence. What happens when sexual thinking becomes too prominent in a marriage?
(C) Promiscuity. How does sexual promiscuity impact marriage?
(D) Perversion. What fences have you placed in your life to keep you from defiling eros?
4. Eros must be redeemed by saving eros for marriage. As much as we are grieved by the corruption of eros,
consider how much more God must be grieved. We must fight for eros as God created it. We do this by saving it for
marriage. Why? (1) Because God says so. (2) Because when God says, “Don’t!” He means “Don’t hurt yourself!” (3)
Because relationships built upside down don’t last. (4) Because relationship built upside down are hard to break.
Why do people think they know better than God on this topic? How does pre-marital sex influence marriage? How
would you explain to a couple that saving eros for marriage is best?
5. Consider Pastor James’ challenge to go back and confess and ask forgiveness for past sins. Where do you have
to go back to confess past sin for the future good of your relationship? If you but relationship upside down, how do
you tear it down and start it over?
6. Eros must be redeemed by releasing eros’ passion. Eros can be stirred by what is said, by breaking the
routine, and by focusing more on the other person than on self. How does staleness in a marriage influence the
defilement of eros? As you look back over your relationship, when was the most passionate season of your
relationship? What made it that way?
7. Eros must be redeemed by choosing eros’ pursuit. Read Genesis 5:2-8. Pursuit involves the idea of wanting
to be with your spouse more than any other person on earth. Looking back at the beginning of your relationship,
how did you pursue your spouse? If you want to feel what your love felt, do what your love did. What do you need
to do again to refresh the eros in your marriage?
8. Eros is good. Read Genesis 6:1. What has caused some people to view sexual intimacy as a bad thing? How can
we talk to the next generation of Christ-followers about eros in a way that reflects God’s perspective?
*The grey shaded questions are suggested for introduction to small group discussion (10-15 minutes).