60
THE HOBBIT
A Musical
Act I
GOLLUM (drawing slitheringly new). Bless us and splash
us, my precioussss! I guess it's a choice feast-at least a
tasty morssel it'll make us--gollum!
BILBO (thrusting Sting well in/ron! 0/ him). Who are you?
GOLLUM (whispering it hissingly). What iss he, my
preciousss? _,
BILBO. I am Mr. Bilbo Baggins, a Hobbit. I've lost the
dwarves and rve lost the wizard. Please tell me which
way they went.
GOLLUM. What's that it's got in its handses?
BILBO (proudly). My sword, Sting! Tell me the way!
GOLLUM (impressed and a bit afraid of Sting). Ssss!
P'raps we sits here and chats first, my preciousss. Shall
we do riddles? If precious wins we eats it. If we lose we
shows it the shortcut.
BILBO (doubtfully). Well-all right, you first.
(MUSIC 6: RIDDLE ME THIS)
GOLLUM.
Chorus:
FIDDLE, DIDDLE,
GOLLUlVI, HISSS.
RIDDLE, RIDDLE,
RIDDLE ME THISSSSS.
Verse 1:
WHAT HAS ROOTS AS NO ONE SEES,
TALLER, TALLER, FAR THAN TREES?
UP AND UP AND UP IT GOES,
YET THE ANSWER NEVER GROWS.
Act I
THE HOBBIT - A Musical
61
(Keep music going somehow under all subsequent dialogue.)
BILBO. Mountains, of course,
GOLLUM. It thinks it's smart, doesn't it? Try usssss.
BILBO.
LIVE BUT NEVER TAKES A BREATH,
LIVE BUT FEELS AS COLD AS DEATH.
NEVER THIRSTY, EVER ORINKING,
ALL IN MAIL AND NEVER CLINKING.
GOLLUM. Eassy ... too eassy ... Fish. We eat fish all the
time. P'raps we should stop the game and eat it, my precious? Or should we guess again? (Sings.)
Chorus:
FIDDLE, DIDDLE,
GOLLlJM, HISSS.
RIDDLE, RIDDLE,
IUDDLE ME THISSSSS.
Verse 2:
CAN'T BE SEEN AND CAN'T BE FELT
CAN'T HE HEARD AND CAN'T BE SMELT
IN BACK OF STARS AND UNDER HILLS
EVERY EMPTY HOLE IT FILLS.
BILBO (quick~}i). Dark! (Sings.)
THIRTY HORSES, WHITE AS SNO'V,
IN A CAVE OF REO THEY GO.
EVER CHAMPING AT THE BITCAN YOU SAY THE NAI\1E OF IT?
(A bit pleased with himse(f)
Try that one!
62
THE HOBBIT - A Musical
Act I
GOLLUM.. Teeth, my precious. Teeth.
BILBO (hastily, to keep him in the game).
Chorus:
FIDDLE, DIDDLE,
HOBBIT, ij.OAR.
RIDDLE, RIDDLE,
RIDDLE ME MORE!
GOLLUM.
Verse 3:
'VHAT IS IT ALL THINGS DEVOURS
BIRDS AND BEASTS AND TREES AND FLOW'RS?
SLA YS ALL KINGS AND BITES THRU STEEL
AND CAN GRIND A STONE TO MEAL ...
(Mu.<;ic ow. BILBO is in trouble.)
BILBO. Why) that's ... thafs easy .. .I know that. ..
GOLLUM. Then tell precious ... or dussn't it really know?
(Starts tmvard him menacingly.)
BILBO. That's not fair. . .I just need a little more time ....
Time! (Snaps his .fingers triumphantly.) Time is the answer.
GOLLUM (annoyed). All right. .. try another. ..
BILBO (s'ing.s).
HERE'S A BOX WITHOUT A KEY
NEITHER HINGE NOR HASP YOU SEE.
THERE'S NO BOTTOM, SIDES OR LID.
KEEPS A GOLDEN TREASURE HID.
Act I
THE HOBBIT - A Musical
63
GOLLUM (stuck). Give us a chance ... give uss a chance,
my precious ... ssss ... Gollum ...
BILBO. You lose! Show me the tunneL!
GOLLUM. Eggses, eggses it is! (Sings.)
FIDDLE, DIDDLE,
PRECIOUS FRIEND.
THIS IS WHERE THE
RIDDLES MUST END.
(Advances on BILBO.)
BILBO. No! The contest must go on!
GOLLUM. One more riddle, my precious. Then, we eat it.
BILBO. Another riddle? (Can't think of one!)
GOLLUM. Ask! Ask!
BlLBO (rubbing his head and slapping himself, shoves a
hand into his pocket as he screws up his face in an effort
to concentrate; he touches the Ring and exclaims). Ah!
(Takes out the Ring, looks at it and puts it back.) What
have I got in my pocket?
GOLLUM (at a loss). Ssss-it must give us three
guesseses~ my precious.
BILBO. Very well. Guess away.
GOLLUM. Gloveses?
BILBO. Wrong. Second guess?
GOLLUM. Ss s-ss-ss-a knife?
BILBO. Wrong. Last guess.
GOLLUM (hissing, spluttering, rocking back and forth,
wriggling and squirming). Uh~ uh} what has it got in its
pocketses-uh-uh-
64
THE HOBBIT - A Musical
Act I
BILBO. Come on. 1-2-3. Time's up!
GO LLUM (shrieking it out to get in the third guess plus a
fourth). String, or nothing?
BILBO (springing to his feet). Wrong. I win. Show me the
way the dwalves went.
GOLLUM (hedging). Did we say we'd do that? (Begins to
steal forwar..d craftily.) Did we promise to show the
nassty Baggins, my precious?
BILBO (sharply). Stop! And who's this precious you keep
talking to?
GOLLUM (craftily). Duss it want to see my precious? Suppose it sits there and waitses? I'11 show him my precious
Ring I talks to. (Searches his fingers with concern, and
then his pockets with mounting frenzy, pulling contents
out and dropping them wildly.) Where iss it? My precious precious gold Ring! Losstl My Ring! (Gives a
high piercing scream and starts for BILBO.)
BILBO (hastily retreating). Well, if you must know, I
found a Ring. Maybe it's your Precious? Is this it?
(Holds up Ring and puts it on.)
GOLLUM (a cry of fury). My Ring! (GOLLUM is baffled
as to which way to go, for BILBO is now invisible to
him.) Where are you? I don't see you!
BILBO (terrified). Don't be mad. I'll give it- (But
GOLLUM is already almost upon him, flailing his arms
to find him. BILBO ducks and escapes narrowly.)
GOLLUM (moving about and craftily exploring with his
hands as he goes). rn get you! I'll squeeze you until I
finds the Ring and then eat you!
BILBO. Not fair! You're a cheater! I won. (Springs to his
feet and moves away.) And, ftllthermore, I won't give
back the Ring. It's not really yours. You stote it. So you
Act I
THE HOBBIT - A Musical
65
can just say goodbye to it! (Turns, trips and falls.)
Ouch! (Guided by BILBO's voice, GOLLUM comes very
close. BILBO only escapes his searching hands by rolling away. He rises and steps away cautiously.)
GOLLUM (cupping his ear). I hear his footses! (Moves after BILBO.)
BILBO. Keep away from me! (Moves off at an angle. He is
beginning to suspect that he has a Ring of Invisibility.
He waits, hand on chin, head tilted. GOLLUM blunders
about, not seeing him.)
GOLLUM. Take off the Ring-just for a few minuteses!
BILBO. Take off my Ring of Invisibility-I think maybe
ifs a Ring of InvisibilityGOLLUM. Keep talking- (GOLLUM again corrects his
search, but BILBO, now sure of himself, easily avoids
capture. GOLLUM lumbers after BILBO, here, there
and everywhere.) Where are you?
BILBO (cupping his mouth and hallooing faintly). Right
here! (Moves quickly to another spot.)
GOLLUM (correcting, but again, too late). Where?
BILBO (another direction). This way! I'm leaving. (Picks
up a small stone and sends it rolling offstage. GOLLUM
is fooled and exits, bounding off rapidly in the direction
of the sound.) He really can't see me! But can I see myself? (Holds up his hand before him.) No, I can't see my
hand before my face! (Runs his hands over his body.)
But I can feel myself all right. Now if I take off the Ring
and then I can see my hand and the rest of me, then it's
got to be a real Ring of Invisibility like the one my
nephew talked about. Well, here goes! (Takes off the
Ring, holds up his hand, speaks joyfully.) I can see it