Family Counseling Service of the Finger Lakes, Inc.
Family Talk
Autumn 2014
Tanya’s Story of Renewed Hope...
It is crazy to think that a successful senior pharmaceutical sales representative holding a BS
degree from RIT, with many close friends,
strong family ties and a beautiful home could
ever be a victim of domestic violence, but it
happened.
In 2005 I met a man who swept me off my feet.
He was charming, handsome, and witty, bought
me flowers, cooked dinner, cleaned, and said all
the right things and I fell in love. It wasn’t long
before all of that changed. The change was
gradual but all the signs were there; I just failed
to really notice them. I wanted this relationship
to work so desperately, I continued to make
excuses for his behavior. He really loves me.
He doesn’t mean it. He was drunk. He is so
sorry. He will change. It will not happen again.
He just had a tough day at work.
The abuse started rather quickly in our relationship; it began with verbal abuse. I was called
vulgar names, none that I can repeat for this
piece. However, the milder insults included
stupid and ugly. It was always worse when he
was drinking. Oh, but when he was sober he
loved me so much, so I thought.
Inside this issue:
Executive Director
3
Welcome New Staff
3
Donor Recognition
5
Wonderful Life
6
In a few more months he became more mentally
abusive. He began cheating, threatening to
cheat, reiterating to me that no one would ever
want to date me, I couldn’t get anyone else, and
so I stayed. Within weeks the physical abuse
started. One night after a huge drinking binge,
he came home and we started fighting. Before I
knew it, he had me by the throat and literally
lifted me off the ground. My feet were no
longer touching the floor and I felt myself starting to pass out; luckily he let go. I was so
scared, sad, and embarrassed. I couldn’t believe
he had done that. I remember crying in my bedroom with my dogs by my side, not knowing
what to do next.
As the cycle continued, I woke up in the morn-
ing to the “I’m sorry”, “please don’t leave”, “it
won’t happen again”, “I was drunk”, “please
help me”, “I promise I will stop drinking”, “I
have a problem”, “I promise to get help”, and
before I knew it, I was somehow feeling badly
for him. For a while, things would be better,
but always ended with some form of abuse. I
wanted to leave but then within six months, I
found out I was pregnant. I thought a child
will definitely make him change. That is just
what he needs. I convinced myself this time it
will be different. He was so happy and wanted
to be a real family. Because he hated his side
jobs, I bought him a truck, paid for his insurance, loaned him money to start a new business, and bought him new clothes…we were
starting a new chapter, so I thought.
The abuse continued to escalate to pulling hair,
pushing, shoving, more choking, name calling,
cheating, along with financial abuse. Threats
of not paying me back, never paying child support, if I don’t buy him this he will cheat, if I
love him and want to help, I will loan him
more money. It was just easier giving in.
Then we would get along, he would be happy,
be nice, love me, we wouldn’t fight, he wouldn’t cheat, he needed the money to help our
family, he truly wants to support this new family, I would keep telling myself.
In February of 2006, I brought my son into the
world. Within just two weeks, the drinking
and abuse continued. He hit me, screamed at
me, pushed me, and even tore an entire braid of
hair out of my head while I was holding my
beautiful newborn baby. I vowed he could hurt
me but he will never touch and hurt my son!! I
stopped making excuses and realized I was
deep in a Domestic Violence relationship.
I began reaching out to his family and a few of
my friends for help. They all knew something
was very wrong. His own sister begged me to
leave him. He had a history of domestic vio-
Page 2
lence. They knew he would never change and I
realized I enabled him. What ensued were
many calls to the police, domestic violence reports, trips to court, Child Protective Service
involvement, and with every occurrence there
was always an officer or official telling me,
“you have to end this for good, you deserve
better”. I was listening and it all started sinking
in.
Mission Statement
To provide professional counseling and supportive services,
to individuals, children, and
families to improve the quality
of their life at home and in the
community.
Programs:
Professional Counseling
Employee Assistance
Trauma Services
Domestic Violence
Bilingual Family Services
Teen Violence Prevention
School Based Programming
Domestic Violence
Accountability Program
Finally, in January of 2008 I filed an official
order of protection and the court referred me to
Family Counseling Service of the Finger Lakes.
I had seen their fliers at court, at Ontario County
Social Services, and even grabbed their number
but had never called. By the grace of God, I
developed enough courage to finally call them
and with their help, I started rebuilding my selfesteem and taking my life back personally and
professionally. I met with several wonderful
counselors and advocates who helped me understand the repercussions of domestic abuse and
the effect on victims. They gave me online resources, books, articles, and most importantly
someone to talk to and provide assistance
through this tough journey.
Family Counseling Service of the Finger Lakes
gave me hope again and reassurance that I
would be all right. They stood by me so I
wouldn’t be alone through the intimidating and
unsettling legal and emotional process. They
would be with me every step of the way. With
every visit, I grew stronger and took away a
little something, building blocks to healing.
Unfortunately, in 2009 the cycle continued, I
took him back and had another child.
A year later, the day after Christmas, I found
myself back at Family Counseling, sitting again
in front of Bob Griffo, who at the time was the
Supervisor of the Domestic Violence Program;
no questions asked he just welcomed me back.
They say victims
try to hold it together during the
holidays, I am proof
of that.
Who
knows what I did
on Christmas morning to provoke the
abuser but he
kicked me so hard
in knee, I fell to the
ground. I honestly
thought he broke
my knee. That was
the worst incidence
of domestic violence I encountered. My son
was in the next room, crying and scared.
Thank God, I kept the agency’s card all that
time; the next morning I called the hot line.
Just an hour after I called, Bob eagerly met with
me. My family and I owe Bob and the Agency
our lives! They eventually convinced me this
abuse is a crime, he is not going to change, this
man needs to be arrested and my kids and I
deserve better.
FCSFL aided me throughout the entire legal
process of filing an order of protection, filing
criminal charges, and child support and custody
changes. The most important service provided
to me was the emotional and mental support of
being my COURT ADVOCATE. Having that
support at court is truly priceless. THERE IS
NO DOUBT, I did not have the strength to go
there alone. The intimidation of seeing the defendant at court is absolutely dreadful. FCSFL
also provided continual counseling and reassurance around the importance of not dropping the
charges this time. Having someone to call at
any time of the day or night was so very reassuring. After several counseling support sessions and many accompanying court appointments with Mr. Griffo, I have been away from
my abuser for almost five years! It is very hard
in words to describe how deeply this agency
helped me. There isn’t a week that goes by that
I wonder what my life would have been like
without them.
I realize now that I was co-dependent. I wanted
to help him. I thought he would change. I
stayed for my family. It would get better. He
loved me! I made excuse after excuse. I now
know abuse is not love! Domestic violence
doesn’t get better. I am proud that I made that
crucial call to Family Counseling Service of
Finger Lakes.
Page 3
Executive Director’s Note
The holidays are a time to take notice of and
appreciate the things we have to be grateful
for, such as family, friends, health, and employment. This time of year tends to be a time
when people reflect over the past year’s hurdles and accomplishments and begin to set
goals for the upcoming year. It’s a magical
time of year filled with gratitude, hope, love,
and faith.
Tanya’s story makes us aware the holidays do
not contain the same reflective recipe for
each of us. There are many individuals and
families expending all of their energy and
resources just to get through another day,
with no energy left to reach back or look forward in an attempt to find anything positive,
a glimpse of hope or the thought of one day
fulfilling a dream. They are stuck in survival
mode; a vicious cycle holding them hostage.
Whether it is domestic violence, sexual
abuse, depression, marital conflict, separation/divorce, parent-child conflicts, abandonment or grief, when you are sitting in it you
often can’t see past it. Hopefully, Tanya’s
story is one of hope for those who may be
experiencing similar struggles, those who are
stuck in today. Breaking through pain,
whether it is physical, emotional or psychological, is a process; be kind to yourself.
Be aware of the signs and gifts that come to
you through the support or guidance of a
loved one, through an article you happen by,
through a moment of peaceful thought, or
through the kind or reassuring comment of a
stranger that sticks with you. They are all
stepping stones leading you to a place where
you one day will be able to reflect on things
you have to be grateful for, the ability to
reflect on the past year’s hurdles and accomplishments, and most of all the ability to
have hope, faith and the ability to once
again dream and believe that even your
dreams can come true.
For me, Tanya’s story also serves as a reminder of the importance of being aware,
thoughtful, supportive, available and
neighborly. Expand your reach and consciousness; by doing so you too can be a
stepping stone to the greatest gift you could
ever give someone…hope, faith, the belief
in something better, and the ability to
dream.
On behalf of all of us at Family Counseling,
we wish each and every one of you love,
hope, and faith.
Barbara Pierce-Morrow,
MSM, CASAC, FDC
Executive Director
Help Us Extend a Warm Welcome to Our Newest Staff Members
Jeanne McClung - I was born in St. Louis
Missouri, spent my childhood in Pennsylvania
and my teen years in Toronto. I have a BA in
English, a B.Ed in teaching and an MSW in
social work. I have been married for 43 years,
am the mother of three adult children ( two
born in Montreal and one in Syracuse) and
grandmother of almost four year old boy-girl
twins.
My initial career was in teaching; I taught both
math and English at the high school level. After the birth of my children I stayed home for
several years, returning to graduate school
when my youngest child entered Kindergarten.
After graduation I worked at Cortland County
Mental Health as a child therapist and supervisor. When we re-located to the Rochester
area, I worked for Hillside for fifteen years in
assorted roles including Director of Outpatient
Services and Clinical trainer. I left Hillside in
September and began my new career at
FCSFL.
My professional interests are Dialectical Behavior Therapy, experiential, creative, family,
systems, attachment, group, narrative, play,
trauma and solution focused therapy. I enjoy
working with diverse populations and continue
to be fascinated by the stories I am privileged
Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-695-0390
A
Bright
Idea
When
Things
Seem
Dim
Our Employee Assistance Program offers quick, reliable and
professional solutions to problems that affect the workplace.
Romulus Central School District recently joined Family
Counseling Service’s Employee
Assistance Program network.
The employees and their family members receive a full
range of professional counseling services through this program.
Thinking of an EAP for your
valued employees? For more
information contact:
Robert Tocco
(315) 789-2613 ext. 2123
Page 4
to hear. I operate from a strength based perspective and firmly believe that change is possible in
even the most dismal circumstances.
On a personal level, I enjoy biking, kayaking,
cross country skiing, cooking, and anything Adirondack. My life is full with family; my father
lives with us and just celebrated his 90th birthday. My husband and I love working on house
projects, hiking and playing with our grandchildren.
Board of Directors
Diana Johnson
President
Robert Eberle
Ethan Fogg
Patricia Hurley-Trojan
Jane Lynch
Darnell Pierce
Jay Roscup
Carol VanHorn
Barbara Pierce-Morrow,
MSM, CASAC, FDC
Executive Director
I am impressed with the philosophy that guides
this agency and the expertise and energy of the
teams with whom I work. I also have a deep
respect for the many people including board
members and donors who give so much to ensure that this grassroots organization succeeds.
In the few months that I have been here, I have
already witnessed significant changes in several
families. FCSFL is doing great work and I am
grateful to be here.
Scott Ostrowski - I am a 2012 graduate of the
Syracuse University Master of Social Work program and a 2010 graduate of the Keuka College
Bachelor of Social Work program. A familysystems perspective is what guides my approach
in all the work I do. As such, I recognize that
people, families and communities are far more
complex than the labels so often prescribed by
professionals that attempt to reduce human experience to diagnoses or conditions that can be
treated with the latest offering from the pharmaceutical industry. Rather, I see challenges as a
manifestation of dysfunctional relationships that
exist between family members, coworkers,
classmates and neighbors. No individual exists
in isolation; we are all interconnected. Yet
within this space, I believe there is also the
power of hope, healing and transformation. I
bring with me experience working with adults
and children in a number of settings including
outpatient clinics, schools and residential treatment facilities. At FCSFL, I am excited to have
the opportunity to put my philosophy and experience into practice in an environment that
recognizes the importance of family and community. Outside of FCSFL, I serve on the board
of directors for Child and Family Resources,
inc., and I have been actively involved in
neighborhood revitalization efforts within the
City of Geneva.
Sherri Borglum- Ever since I can remember, I
have had a passion for health and wellness. I
have also been interested in counseling from my
early years. As a preteen, I remember how I
would sneak away with my mother’s Ladies
Home Journal, as soon as it arrived, to be able
to read the feature, “Can This Marriage Be
Saved?” She was quite puzzled as to why I
loved to read about marriage problems at my
age.
At the age of 33, with two small children, I
decided to return to school to make my passion
my career. I graduated from Hollins College in
Roanoke, Virginia with a double major in psychology and studio art. I took a year off from
school, and juggled four part-time jobs to be
able to be home when my girls got off the bus
and take them to swimming lessons. I then went
on to get my Master’s degree in Art Therapy at
Marywood University in Scranton, PA. I have
since obtained my license in New York as a
Licensed Creative Arts Therapist. Over the past
18 years, I have worked with people in all
stages of life--children & youth with problems
with aggression and addiction, older adults with
many losses, youth and adults with addiction
problems, and all ages with family and relationship issues. In addition to art-making and verbal
solution-focused therapies, I use EMDR for
emotional pain resulting from past traumatic
experiences. Each client is guided to find within
themselves the clarity, courage, and strength
needed to make the changes he or she desires.
Many have told me that I have a compassionate, calming presence that they find very soothing.
Family members are encouraged to join together in art making as another way to connect,
communicate, and see how their family members see them. No art abilities or experience are
necessary. I am so very grateful to be part of
the excellent team at Family Counseling Service of the Finger Lakes. In my free time, I
enjoy home renovation, oil painting, cooking,
reading, sewing, gardening, running, weight
lifting, biking, meditation, yoga, Reiki, and
mountain climbing in the Adirondacks.
Shelby Willoughby - In the spring of 2014 I
graduated with dual Bachelor’s degrees in Psychology and Political Science. My studies are in
mental health as well as domestic violence advocacy. Previous to FCSFL, I have worked in
the field of geriatrics and advocated for their
rights as well as mental health assistance. Any
time I have is split between the domestic violence advocacy program and PTSD/TBI research. Our program allows free services which
include crisis intervention, DV education, a 24hr hotline, direct services, and more. I am proud
Page 5
To be a new member of a program that contains
a wealth of knowledge and passion for DV. As
I am known for my upbeat attitude and hard
working spirit, I am fortunate to be working
with Family Counseling Services of the Finger
Lakes!
A Sincere Thank You to All Our Donors
Individuals
Sandra Ansley
Sharon Arthur
Mr. & Mrs. Carl Aten
Mr. Robert Belleville
Dr. Daniel & Betty Biery
Dr. & Mrs. Paul Bleakley, Jr.
Megan Conant
Barbara Coon
Sue Ellen Crego
Mr. & Mrs. Edwin Dailor
Mabel & Gerald Deal
Mr. & Mrs. Stephen DeRaddo
Ms. Sandra Nielsen Ditch
Mrs. Rochelle Downing
Robert F. & Sandy Eberle
Dr. & Mrs. Arthur Equinozzi
Alaine Espenscheid
Kathleen M. Felice
Mr. & Mrs. Rob Flowers
Ethan Fogg
Chris & Sage Gerling
Rev. W. James Gerling
Dr. & Mrs. Harry M. Givelber
Mr. & Mrs. James Harvey
Sarah Heieck
Jeffrey Henderson
Patricia Hurley-Trojan
Diana Johnson
Mr. Laurence Karz, Esquire
Kimberly Kelly
Mr. & Mrs. Thomas Kime
Claire F. Kremer
Richard & Arlene Laude
Jane G. Lynch
Irene A. Molina
Joe & Marilyn Nicholson
Honorable & Mrs. Robert Oaks
Darnell Pierce
Dr. & Mrs. Edgar Prindle
Robert & Patricia Quigley
Patricia Reece
Timothy J Riskie
Theodore Smith
Dr. & Mrs. Kenneth Steadman
Cathy Thurston
Carol VanHorn
Mr. & Mrs. Schuyler VanHorn
Chasing the Sun Sponsors
QwikSolar
ITT
Hobart & Wm Smith Colleges
Ramada Geneva Lakefront
Five Star Bank
Pfizer
Lyons National Bank
Michaels & Smolak
Finger Lakes Federal Credit
Union
Red Jacket Orchards
Presbyterian Church
Canandaigua National Bank
Autumn Cruise Sponsors
Newsletter Sponsor
Lyons National Bank
Hobart & Wm Smith Colleges
Canandaigua Lady
ITT
Foxer’s Electrical Contracting
Corporate
Accelerated Fitness
Amazon Smile
Belhurst Castle
BonaDent, Inc.
Bond, McDonald & Lehmen, PC
Ciccino's Pizzeria
Family Video
Finger Lakes Medical Assoc.
Finger Lakes Times
Hampton Inn
HWS College Store
Ichiro
INails
Kost Tire
Muranda Cheese Company
Pedulla's Liquor Store
Puppy Cut Hut
Rochester Insulated Glass
Uncle Joe's Pizzeria
Village Store
Water Street Café
A very special thank you to The Wild Women who raised $2,115 for FCSFL at their annual fundraising event this year helping to support victims of Domestic Violence in Ontario County!
Locations:
Main Office
671 South Exchange Street
Geneva, NY 14456
(315) 789-2613
Toll Free 1-877-789-2613
[email protected]
Branch Offices:
Ontario County
514 South Main Street
Canandaigua, NY 14424
Seneca County
115 Fall Street
Seneca Falls, NY 13148
Wayne County
165 East Union Street
Newark, NY 14513
6692 Middle Road
Sodus, NY 14551
Yates County
263 Lake Street
Penn Yan, NY 14527
671 South Exchange Street
Geneva, New York 14456
Visit us on the
web!
www.fcsfl.org
Help for Today, Hope for Tomorrow
Follow us on Facebook!
"It's a Wonderful Life".... or is it?
@
OPT-IN
FOR
Electronic News!
Family Counseling is trying to
grow its e-mail list so we can
share the agency’s good news
electronically.
Please “opt-in” by e-mailing
[email protected]
Our printed publications are
also available for viewing
online at
www.fcsfl.org
"It's a Wonderful Life", a movie filmed in 1946 in
local Seneca Falls, NY and released on Christmas
Day, depicting a young man named George who
wished he was never born. An Angel was sent to
earth to grant his wishes...

Reach out: The holidays can feel lonely and
isolating for some.

Set aside differences, not everyone gets along
all the time.
How nice would that be for someone to grant us
wishes, especially around the holidays? Though
there are moments when we look out over the fresh
fallen snow, untouched by humans as it freezes to
the trees and glistens in the moonlight for many, it
is a time of mud and slush during the holiday rush
to get those last few gifts as we are stuck in Walmart lines with not enough lanes open! Where is
the joy in that?

Stick to a budget: Finances can cause additional stresses during the holiday.

Learn to say no, take time for yourself.

Seek professional help if you need it: It's ok
to admit when the feelings of persistent sadness and anxiety do not subside.
The stress of the holiday's can become overwhelming, and it's no wonder as we have the challenges
of unwelcomed guests, demands of parties, shopping, expensive gifts, cleaning, entertaining and
the list goes on. We set expectations to have everything perfect and the fact of the matter is, it just
not possible.
Take care of yourself. The holidays are not all
about everyone else. You need to care for your
physical and mental health and remember to
laugh... Some things can't be avoided but laugh at
yourself or the situation because "The clock is
running. Make the most of today. Time waits for
no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the
present."(Alice Morse Earle) And DO try to have
a Happy Holiday!
Here are a few helpful tips to cope with the
stresses and depression that the holidays can often
bring:
 Acknowledge your feelings, be realistic.
Kaitlyn McWilliams, LCSW
Director of Professional
Services