Second session - lesson 47
Too many nouns
Too many consecutive nouns make your writing difficult for the reader to digest and stand
in the way of clear communication. When you see this in your writing, take the time to
rework the sentence.
Too many nouns: We recently began a company employee benefits comprehension program.
Better: We recently began a program to help employees better understand company benefits.
Keep it positive
Not all correspondence can be positive, but you can write in a positive way. Your copy will
flow better and be better received if you tell people what is as opposed to what isn't.
Negative: Never speak with the media if you don't have clearance from your supervisor.
Positive: Seek clearance from your supervisor before you speak with the media.
Negative: We never received your report, so we can't schedule the meeting.
Positive: As soon as we receive your report, we can schedule the meeting.
Negative: Never take more than one day to answer a customer inquiry.
Positive: Always answer customer inquiries within one day.
Impersonal construction
Your business correspondence should be professional, but it should not be cold or
impersonal. You want to make a connection with the person or people on the other end.
When writers try too hard to sound professional, they sometimes remove the human
element from their writing. Although grammatically correct, this type of writing can sound
sterile.
Impersonal: It was a successful event, and all help was appreciated.
Better: Our event was a success, and we appreciate everyone who helped us prepare.
Break it up
When you write, keep in mind that you already know what you’re going to say. Your readers
don't. It’s easy to think too far ahead and cram too many thoughts into one sentence.
Remember, your readers are processing the information as they go. As the writer, your goal
is to present the information as clearly as possible.
To that end, limit your sentences to one or two ideas. Periods tell your readers that one idea
is complete and another is on the way. Including too many ideas in a single sentence
provides unnecessary stumbling blocks for your readers.
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Negative message/passive voice
You’ve learned that active voice is almost always better than passive voice.
Passive: Your request has been received.
Active: We have received your request.
When you have to deliver bad news or a negative message, however, passive voice can help
soften the blow. When you change from active to passive voice, your writing seems less
personal which, in this case, can work to your advantage.
Active: If you continue making errors, we will no longer do business with your company.
Passive: Accuracy is essential to what we do, and these types of errors cannot be tolerated.
Hyperbole
Hyperbole is an exaggerated statement, used for effect.
I have a million things to do today.
I was bored to tears.
Limit the use of hyperbole in business writing.
Tighten it up
When it comes to writing and speaking, less is more. Particularly in the business world,
unnecessary words can get in the way of the message.
Wordy: The reason why we bought the tickets was because we wanted to see the game.
Concise: We bought the tickets, because we wanted to see the game.
Wordy: We are in need of new plan.
Concise: We need a new plan.
Wordy: Despite the fact that we were tired, we finished the project on time.
Concise: Though we were tired, we finished the project on time.
As you proof your copy, delete any words or phrases that don't add meaning or clarity.
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Final sentence
Much business writing is done to elicit a response. Use the final sentence to urge recipients
to act. State clearly what you expect or want them to do next.
Will you please make sure this is corrected before the end of the day?
As soon as I hear from you, I’ll start working on the project.
Please let me know what you would like for me to do next.
I appreciate your quick attention to this matter.
Answer before explanation
When you answer a question via email, make it a practice to answer first and explain later.
People often feel the need to explain a decision before that decision is stated. This leaves the
reader wondering what’s coming. State your answer in the first line. If you need to explain
further, start a new paragraph.
I’m sorry, but I cannot meet with you next week.
I have lunch meetings on Monday and Tuesday, and I will be away from the office the rest
of the week.