Example Timed Writing #2
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Directions: This essay received a score of 6+. It is very nearly a 7. Consider what makes it strong, and what needs to be
improved.
In the play Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet’s relationship is characterized as very dramatic,
extreme, and sudden which is proven using literary devices such as allusion, metaphor, and
In the beginning of the excerpt, allusion and metaphor are used to prove how sudden, extreme, and dramatic Romeo
and Juliet’s relationship is. Earlier, Romeo has arrived at Juliet’s window while she was speaking of into the night and she
was unaware that Romeo heard everything she had said but now Romeo and Juliet speak to each other. Juliet alludes to
religion when she says to Romeo “Do not swear at all; of if that wilt, swear by they gracious self, which is the god of my
idolatry” (2.2.7-10). This is a very overly dramatic statement coming from Juliet because she went straight from casually
telling him not to swear then she keeps going and going to an extreme of say “god of my idolatry” (2.2.10). Religion is
sacred and for Juliet to allude to religion just to tell Romeo not to swear is extreme. In Juliet’s next line, she uses
metaphor to show how dramatic the relationship is when she says “this bud of love, by summer’s ripening breath, May
prove a beauteous flow’r when next we meet” (2.2.17-18). Juliet describes their relationship as a bud to a flower and
having the relationship flourish or blossom like a flower is very quick and dramatic. For a relationship, under most
circumstances to have the two partners in love the night that they meet and for them to have a fully blossomed
relationship after meeting twice, is extreme and very sudden in time.
Later on in the passage, simile is used to describe how excessively dramatic their relationship is. Romeo and Juliet have
confessed their love for one another and Juliet is describing it. She says “My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love
as deep” (2.2.29-30). She compares her love for Romeo to an ocean. Romeo and Juliet have only met on that day. That
there love is an ocean because it is “as boundless as the sea” (2.2.29). This is very overly dramatic, their love is compared
to an ocean but this isn’t possible, an ocean is not love and she is using it to make it sound like she loves Romeo so much
as a result o this comparison.
Furthermore, allusion and simile is used to prove how dramatic and extreme Romeo and Juliet’s love it. Juliet speaks to
Romeo when she says “Else would I tear the cave where Echo lies” (2.2.51). Juliet is alluding to Greek mythology and she
uses Echo in particular because she wants to hear Romeo’s name “with repetition” (2.2.53). This is overly extreme in a
sense due to the fact that one does not or should not have the need or want to forever hear their lover’s name but it
should be internal and the love for Romeo from Juliet is spoken in Iambic Pentameter which makes her lines sound fluid
and loving and dramatic with extremes from wanting to forever hear his name to comparing their love to a wanton bird
when she says “and yet no further than a wanton’s bird” (2.2.58). A wanton’s bird is the bird of someone wealthy and
the bird cannot escape. She is comparing the love to this bird because their love is forever and cannot get away which is
extreme because they have only known one another for a day. This comparison of this constricted bird to their love is
overly dramatic because they have known one another for such a short period of time and yet their love is forever.