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Writing Module One: Clear
Narrative, Characters and
Actions
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The Cain Project in Engineering and Professional Communication
This work is produced by OpenStax-CNX and licensed under the
Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0†
Abstract
This Module presents techniques for achieving eective and elegant communication and becoming a
better reader of one's own work. The lesson introduces key vocabulary for talking about writing and
reviews fundamental principles for editing for coherence and cohesion. Topics include sentence-level
editing techniques and focus on the importance of clear narrative, characters, and actions.
1 The Importance of Story
Storytelling is fundamental. Since our earliest experiences listening to bedtime stories and fairy tales, we
have instinctively sought out key information in narratives:
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Who is this about?
What is he or she doing?
Why?
In fact, all sentences tell stories. Although the format and details vary widely, professional and academic
narratives are not nearly as dierent from fairy tales as they may rst seem.
In each case, our basic
expectations for information and action operate in similar ways:
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we look for clear subjects as our new characters
we look for strong verbs as our new actions.
Stories work through structure. We understand story better when we can easily recognize
actions.
Story structure is apparent on both the sentence and the paragraph level.
Whereas good storytelling
makes important characters and actions clear from the outset, inadequate storytelling:
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characters and
Until we know what is happening and to whom, we are likely to feel lost
takes a long time to convey a sense of what's being described or explained;
doesn't make the problem clear;
doesn't give readers reasons to be invested in reading;
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doesn't oer a solution to the problems it dramatizes for the reader.
By contrast, fairy tale structure is an example of the type of narrative that readers nd easy to understand
because it satises
certain fundamental expectations.
If asked to retell a fairy tale, even very young
children can tell us who, what, and even why. Complex professional prose can be this clear if it follows
a few key principles.
1.1 Story and Professional Prose
Some of the same reasons we might cite for enjoying a movie or a novel also hold true for a scientic report
or a legal argument. We are motivated to read, and we feel we understand the point of an argument, when
we quickly grasp a) who is concerned and b) what is at stake. For example:
Example 1
The suggestion of recent evidence has been a role for nanobacteria in a growing number of human
diseases, including renal stone formation, cardiovascular diseases, and cancer.
Promoted by this
large body of research studies is the view that nanobacteria are not only alive but that they are
associated with disease pathogenesis. (Martel and Young, 5549)
Contrast with:
Example 2
Recent evidence [noun] suggests [verb] a role for nanobacteria in a growing number of human
diseases, including renal stone formation, cardiovascular diseases, and cancer. This large body of
research studies [noun] promotes [verb] the view that nanobacteria are not only alive but that they
are associated with disease pathogenesis. (Martel and Young, 5549)
In the example above, a few simple improvements lead to a much more readable statement of the problem.
Notice how the published sentences
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lead with a clear subject
follow immediately with a descriptive verb.
The parts of the sentence that satisfy the reader's basic needs are strongly positioned to give them the
information they need as quickly and concisely as possible. The character, recent evidence, and the action,
suggests appear within the rst three words of the rst sentence. Similarly, the second sentence begins
right away with the character this large body of research studies, and follows up immediately with the
verb promotes to describe the action of those studies. We know the main characters and actions RIGHT
AWAY, and we are able to grasp the important subject and activity that the sentence describes without
searching around for clues.
2 Characters and Actions- Structuring Information, Managing Expectations
In talking about sentences that tell stories, we've already begun to realize the importance of two key terms
Character and Action. We understand narrative best when it is easy to identify the important characters and
actions (and along with them, the important subject and verb of the sentence). The character is the main
subject or doer in your sentence. (Remember: It is not always a person). The action is the thing done.
Usually, the action is the verb. All too frequently we bury the most important action in nominalizations.
We'll discuss nominalizations in more detail a little later on. For now, it requires no special terminology to
see how, in order to make it easy for readers to understand your writing, you should:
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match important actions to VERBS; and
make important characters into SIMPLE SUBJECTS (see Style 33).
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These crucial alignments often dictate changes in the order in which characters and actions appear in a
sentence. Instead of:
Our loss of funding prevented continuation of the research program.
We can write:
Because
we lost funding, we could not continue the research program.
In the rst sentence, loss and continuation are used as nouns instead of describing what the main
character does through the more active we lost and we could not continue (see Style 36).
2.1 Choose Concrete Characters Over Abstract
Notice how dicult it can be to identify the main characters and actions in an introductory sentence:
Shifts in position in recent decades in three bands of fast-moving wind known as jet streams came from
a new analysis of weather data that were collected between 1979 and 2001.
Here, by leading with Shifts in position, an author would eectively emphasize shifts as the main
character of the sentence. Similarly, the verb that modies shifts, came, appears as the main action of
the statement (see Craft 244). Compare this to the sentence as it actually appeared in publication:
Three bands of fast-moving wind known as jet streams have shifted position in recent decades,
according to a new analysis of weather data that were collected between 1979 and 2001 (Atmospheric
science: Jetting away).
Notice how the important subjects and verbs a) appear early, and b) occur close to each other (see Craft
244).
3 Applying the Lessons of Story- The Sentence Level
Readers expect for sentences to deliver information using a certain predictable structure. When writers fulll
readers' expectations, they make it easy for them to process important pieces of information eciently and
eectively.
What if it isn't immediately clear what your main subject should be?
Ask yourself what the
most important action of the sentence really is. Now determine who or what is responsible for that action.
When you put your main character rst, you give the reader essential information about the main actors
in the drama they will be asked to follow. You also create a context in which the reader can understand
what you will go on to say about that character.
3.1 On Characters and Actions
In an ideal world, the subject of your sentence will be its main character, and the action of your sentence
will be the main verb. Why is this so important? When these two things don't line up, readers experience
certain negative eects of the mismatch.
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Readers will judge your prose to be indirect, abstract, complex, dense, and unclear
Readers have to work harder to translate your words into a story that they can remember
Readers will have to ll in any missing story elements from their own knowledge
Readers are more likely to interpret your sentence in a way you did not expect or want
(LRS 2008 Curriculum, Actions)
3.2 Clear Sentences
Easy-to-understand sentences are not the product of some subtle mystery. We prefer them because we can
recognize their key information:
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John [character] remarked [action] earlier...
Mary [character] argued [action] . . . As our results [character] demonstrate [action]. . . As
As
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This is not to say that your main character must always be the subject of your sentence, or that character's
action is always represented by the verb. However, if readers nd your writing confusing or unclear, it's a
safe bet that one of these things is throwing them o. If your most important character is not the main
subject of your sentence, and if that character's most important action is not represented by the sentence's
main verb, a good rst step is to locate each of these and align them with one another!
4 Choosing Characters and Emphasizing Actions
Achieving optimal placement of characters and actions in your sentences is as much about diagnosis and
revision as it is about drafting or composition. As Joseph Williams explains in Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity
and Grace, to transform characters into subjects, you have to know three things:
1. When you haven't;
2. Where to look (for characters); and
3. What to do when you nd them (or when you don't) (Style 53).
Williams and Colomb present a step-by-step system for nding and relocating characters. They teach us to
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Skim the rst seven or eight words;
Identify the main characters;
Locate actions involving those characters;
Organize your new subjects and verbs into a sentence using conjunctions such as if, although, because,
when, how, and why (Style 53-54).
We'll walk through the process using an example here.
4.1 Step One: Skim the rst seven or eight words.
The introduction of a novel thermal convection cell consisting of half a soap bubble heated at the
equator enables the study of thermal convection and the movement of isolated vortices. Development of
thermal convection at its equator is noted in the soap bubble, which is subject to stratication.
4.2 Step Two: Identify the main characters
The introduction of a novel thermal convection cell
consisting of half a soap bubble heated at the
equator enables the study of thermal convection and the movement of isolated vortices.
thermal convection at its equator is noted in
4.3 Step Three: Locate actions involving those characters
The introduction of a novel thermal convection cell consisting
of half a soap bubble heated at the
equator enables the study of thermal convection and the movement of isolated vortices.
thermal convection at its equator is noted in
Development of
the soap bubble, which is subject to stratication.
Development of
the soap bubble, which is subject to stratication.
Above, the main characters are hard to identify, buried among other nouns and not clearly emphasized
as the doers of the actions.
4.4 Step Four: Organize your new subjects and verbs so that the actions are expressed in
verbs.
Introductionbecomesto introduce
Developmentbecomesto develop
In the published version from which our less elegant example was derived, the main characters appear
early and are described by the main verbs:
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A novel thermal convection cell
consisting of half a soap bubble heated at the equator is intro-
duced to study thermal convection and the movement of isolated vortices.
The soap bubble,
subject to
stratication, develops thermal convection at its equator (Seychelles, F., et al.).
5 Naming a Problem: Nominalizations
Nominalizations are abstract nouns that are derived from either verbs or adjectives.
They often end in suxes like -tion, -ment, -ence, among others.
For example, calculation (from `to
calculate'), nding (from `to nd'), and dependent (from `to depend') (Style 36).
Verb
<
Nominalization
DISCOVER
<
Discovery
Adjective
<
CARELESS
Nominalization
<
Carelessness
RESIST
<
Resistance
DIFFERENT< Dierence
REACT
<
Reaction
PROFICIENT< Prociency (see Style 36)
Table 1
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Your Turn:
As you read the following example, ask yourself:
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How quickly are you able to identify characters and actions?
What makes it easy or dicult?
There is disagreement among many experts about the utility of emissions cap-and-trade policies.
Now notice how much easier it is to understand the sentence when we change the order of the main
characters and verbs to read:
Experts [important character/doer] disagree [important verb] about whether emissions cap-andtrade policies [second important character] are useful. [a verb and an adjective replace the nominalization
utility]
Similarly, observe how it claries the sentence when we take a nominalization like:
Our
request [noun/nominalization] is [weaker verb] that you review the data.
And change it to:
We [subject/character] request [stronger verb] that you review the data.
6.1 The Bottom Line-Writing for the Reader
In order to make your sentences clear and easy to understand, align the main character and action with the
main subject and verb.
The moral of the story is: Make sure readers get the story! Characters and actions should
occur early in the sentence. Whenever possible, character and action should correspond with subject and
verb. Target and eliminate nominalizations to ensure precise, descriptive verbs, and highlight characters and
actions to add impact and increase understanding.
Examples taken or adapted from:
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Atmospheric science: Jetting away. Nature, Vol. 453, No. 7191. (1 May 2008): 5-5. doi:10.1038/453005c.
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Retrieved 5/6/2008 from http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v453/n7191/full/453005c.html
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Martel, J. and John D. Young. From the Cover: Purported Nanobacteria in Human Blood as Calcium
Carbonate Nanoparticles. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Vol. 105, No. 14. (8 April
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2008): 5549-5554. Retrieved 5/6/2008 from http://www.pnas.org/cgi/content/abstract/105/14/5549
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Seychelles, F.,Y Amarouchene, M Bessa, and H Kellay.Thermal Convection and Emergence of Isolated Vortices in Soap Bubbles. Physical Review Letters, Vol.100, No. 14. (2008). Retrieved 5/6/2008
from http://scitation.aip.org/getabs/servlet/GetabsServlet?prog=normal&id=PRLTAO00100000014144501000001&idt
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Williams, Joseph. Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace. 8th ed. New York: Longman,2005.
Williams, Joseph and Colomb, Gregory. The Craft of Argument. Concise Ed. New York: Longman,
2003.
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