One type of explanation for rising divorce has focused on
changes in laws relating to marriage.
Topic Sentence
For example, Bilton, Bonnett and Jones (1987) argue that
increased rates of divorce do not necessarily indicate that
families are now more unstable.
Support from
reading
with reference
It is possible, they claim, that there has always been a
degree of marital instability. They suggest that changes in
the law have been significant, because they have provided
unhappily married couples with 'access to a legal solution
to pre-existent marital problems' (p.301).
Further detail from
reading.
They therefore believe that changes in divorce rates can be
best explained in terms of changes in the legal system.
Student links back to
topic sentence
The problem with this type of explanation however, is that
it does not consider why these laws have changed in the
first place.
Student’s critical
comments
It could be argued that reforms to family law, as well as the
increased rate of divorce that
has accompanied them, are the product of more
fundamental changes in society.
Last sentence links
to next paragraph
INTERNAL USE
Topic of essay and
topic of paragraph
Page 1
The inequity in the distribution of wealth in
Australia is yet another indicator of Australia’s lack
of egalitarianism.
‘In 1995, 20% of the Australian population owned
72.2% of Australia’s wealth with the top 50%
owning 92.1%’ (Raskall 1998 p.287).
This is the topic
sentence: a statement of
the writer’s intended
argument
Supporting evidence is
provided to support the
student’s claim.
Such a significant skew in the distribution of wealth The writer comments on
the evidence given above.
indicates that, at least in terms of economics, there
is an established class system in Australia.
McGregor (1988) argues that Australian society
can be categorised into three levels: the Upper,
Middle and Working classes. In addition, it has
McGregor’s evidence is
used to support and
elaborate on the previous
claim.
been shown that most Australians continue to
remain in the class into which they were born
(McGregor 1988)
despite arguments about the ease of social
mobility in Australian society (Fitzpatrick 1994).
from ‘despite’ – shows
that the student has read
widely and understood
both arguments
(McGregor and
Fitzpatrick)
The issue of class and its inherent inequity,
Again, the writer’s voice
however, is further compounded by factors such as is clear. Here the student
is linking to the next
paragraph.
INTERNAL USE
Page 1
race and gender within and across these class
divisions.
The relative disadvantage of women with regard to
their earnings and levels of asset ownership
New topic sentence
linked to last paragraph
indicates that within classes there is further
economic inequity based on gender …
INTERNAL USE
Page 2