@RealAvocadoFact's tweetbook
Created by Avocado
(Includes tweets from 06/12/2013 till
02/24/2014)
@RealAvocadoFact
Avocado
Persea americana, fruit, avocado emoji avocadvocate
Central Mexico, etc.
@RealAvocadoFact's tweetbook
Contains 982 tweets tweeted between 06/12/2013 and
02/24/2014.
Created on 25/02/2014 by http://tweetbook.in.
/1
2013
June
12'th June, 2013
11:22 Avocado is the best food.
11:24 The avocado tree is in the same family as cinnamon,
but they don't talk much. Cinnamon's challenging.
11:33 If you drop an avocado you will see how ripe it is but
also you will be down one avocado :-(
11:35 Avocados can be used as medicine for many conditions
by people who don't know what medicine is.
11:37 Never feed avocado fruit, leaves, bark, skin, or pit to
an animal. Keep more avocado for yourself and have a
healthy animal friend instead!
11:39 Some scientists think the avocado evolved as a food for
large animals called gomphotheres, but other scientists
just keep giggling at that.
June 2013 / 2
11:40 "No extant native animal is large enough to effectively
disperse avocado seeds" by pooping them out
butt-bullet-style. [Wikipedia]
11:46 Even if you don't like to eat avocado, you can still use
it in sculptures as negative space:
http://t.co/nzmuCuAqGE
11:49 Or you can wear avocado as a cozy blanket, rich in
potassium and oleic acid: http://t.co/QBar2uuqO1
11:59 Avocado Cancels All Bads! #ACAB Look for more
avocado facts & tips tomorrow! You can send your
favorites to [email protected]
13'th June, 2013
10:45 To make an avocado, you must first create the
universe. -Carl "Butterfruit" Sagan
10:47 Smeared avocado makes poor paint even though it
seems like a good idea and quite soothing. Because of
enzymes.
11:00 What's brown and sticky? Avocado paint after less
than an hour :'(
18:43 While avocados are growing on the tree, they don't
think about many things.
June 2013 / 3
14'th June, 2013
10:19 Avocados are often used in smoothies, but so little
attention is paid to avocados' exquisitely tuned
nociceptors.
10:22 You can put two avocados next to each other for twice
the avocado fun!
10:24 Three avocados in French is trois avocats, but we're
campaigning to get it changed to troix avocadeaux.
14:38 Corporate America knows the appeal of an avocado:
http://t.co/PnTDVtiBQm
18:58 @jarfrankel We are working with our Subway partners
on valuing the avocado as much as the *idea* of the
avocado.
15'th June, 2013
21:06 No avocados in potato salad. That's too much flavor for
anyone to handle.
16'th June, 2013
12:19 Avocado's mother and father were the same flower at
different times of day, so the holidays are confusing.
12:31 @jarfrankel happy human child parent day in return!
June 2013 / 4
17'th June, 2013
09:40 Now that human Father's Day is over, it's back to the
status quo: avocados being admired, praised, and
showered with gifts.
09:42 It is usually bad to sleep with avocado as a way of
thanking avocado for being terrific.
09:42 Avocado is a strange bedfellow.
18'th June, 2013
21:58 A day without avocado facts is hardly a day at all.
22:02 @jarfrankel I haven't decided whether avocado has the
brainpower for that. #whaaaaat
19'th June, 2013
08:41 Avocados identify themselves to other avocados by
scent and a system of coded hankies worn over the
stem.
10:08 Avocados are considering a subscription model for the
oxygen they release into the atmosphere.
10:16 @jarfrankel What facts have you got about people who
troll an avocado?
June 2013 / 5
10:20 @jarfrankel prepare for blocking, avocado holocaust
denier
14:39 @jarfrankel We accept the inventive cheer of this
American fast food provider, but lament appearing
alongside two types of dead animal.
14:39 Killing animals for fast food sandwiches is an
avoca*don't*.
20'th June, 2013
11:33 Avocados hold zero weird opinions about gay people.
11:34 The average avocado devotes vanishingly little
brainpower to the topic of human sexuality.
22:54 Avocados are excellent spellers.
23'rd June, 2013
04:55 Avocados are berries, as are their friends the pumpkin,
peppercorn, banana, grape, and tomato.
15:38 What did one avocado say to the other avocado? That's
private.
June 2013 / 6
24'th June, 2013
09:22 Why did the avocado cross the road? Why did
humanity venture so near the avocado grove?
15:34 There is an old avocado saying. Just one.
25'th June, 2013
15:43 When temperatures are high, do what the avocado
does, which is mostly nothing.
26'th June, 2013
17:01 Avocado supports all consensual marriages, to the
extent that an avocado can support anything before
going squish.
27'th June, 2013
09:36 Avocado wants to make it wit chu.
June 2013 / 7
July
3'rd July, 2013
08:05 When you purchase avocado, you are an informed
consumer making a rational choice.
4'th July, 2013
15:15 Avocado turned 2013 years old today along with the
United States of America!
6'th July, 2013
19:43 Avocado makes an effective face mask to counter
breakouts and police surveillance.
9'th July, 2013
18:51 Here is a fact about avocados: here is a fact about
avocados.
18'th July, 2013
17:23 Avocado's API calls are simple, scalable, and rigorously
tested against leading framework architecture
standards. They do not exist.
July 2013 / 8
26'th July, 2013
10:28 Good thing "avocado" ("testicle") took, since the other
contender for avocado's name in ancient times was
"fatty godsnot."
July 2013 / 9
August
1'st August, 2013
17:23 Try avocado with anything that tastes bad, and just
don't eat the other thing. One more food problem
solved by avocado.
8'th August, 2013
16:44 "Avogadro's avocados" is not something anyone can be
expected to type accurately on the first try. Give
yourself a break, with an avocado.
11'th August, 2013
18:54 Elysium might have been a better movie had its script
been reviewed by anyone who has ever used any
technology, or an avocado.
19'th August, 2013
17:13 RT @j How we celebrate avocado season around here.
http://t.co/qs9emUipWk
26'th August, 2013
August 2013 / 10
14:44 RT @roccodispirito You already know that avocados are
delicious. Here’s a list of six facts that maybe you
didn’t know: http://t.co/TTuy8sWLfu
14:45 It's true you don't need to eat avocados to reap their
benefits. You can also summon them from any number
of dark altars.
August 2013 / 11
September
5'th September, 2013
13:53 An avocado dropped into a pond will take the shortest
route to the bottom.
15'th September, 2013
17:49 If someone steals your boat full of cocaine, don't chase
them in a car or an avocado. The best way is a boat.
19'th September, 2013
22:25 In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, a
nutritious avocado will drop from a compartment
above your seat.
23'rd September, 2013
12:32 If someone tries to ban a book near you, tell them
you're banning avocado in return. They will relent if
any humanity remains within them.
12:34 That was more a real HUMAN fact, but it has ties to
avocados, just as every moral person does.
September 2013 / 12
27'th September, 2013
17:34 Avocados never say die. They never say words at all. If
your avocado is speaking to you, please seek medical
attention.
17:40 @vlamidala I understand your confusion; other berries
with pits are hard to find because they're stupid,
unlike avocado, which is the best.
17:42 @vlamidala You're welcome. Every day is better with
avocado.
17:47 @vlamidala There is no variation on the theme of
delicious avocado with which I am unfamiliar. Well
done, @ursamajr. Continue the good work.
September 2013 / 13
October
1'st October, 2013
13:57 RT @EscapingNewYork How I know there is a god:
Avocado. period.
13:58 That RT is an example of the seldom seen but very
persuasive Avocadological Argument for the existence
of God.
25'th October, 2013
10:21 @anamariecox @jarfrankel Thank you!
10:22 @jarfrankel Aren't you the sweetest? Avocado certainly
isn't, but it has its charms.
10:25 To quiet fears: no avocado is employed by Buzzfeed,
nor, barring substantial changes in labor law, shall any
avocado ever be so employed.
10:27 @nffcnnr Avocados have no political affiliation. They
are plants. The Senator is free to despise anything,
obviously.
10:28 @Holden_TA That's nice! Thank you.
10:34 Avocados have no political affiliation. They are plants.
The Senator is free to despise anything, obviously.
October 2013 / 14
10:35 An avocado is subtweeting a US Senator. That's
happening today, and you're here for it. America!
10:49 @official_chad How could a craving for avocado be
wrong? Your question is nonsensical. Dead on about the
spelling, though.
10:54 RT @aloysiusbe "other berries with pits are hard to
find bc they're stupid unlike avocado, which is the
best."-- @RealAvocadoFact http://t.co/LTIBtK6YhC
10:55 @randipity @JoffyT No. You should not.
10:57 If avocado needed to announce a board of directors for
its IPO, it would be half avocado, half women, and a
very strange situation.
10:59 @official_chad No. Wait. Hypothetically, is a human
the one doing the cracking? If so, no.
11:15 @official_chad If you have a decade or so, it might be
worth your while to plant them.
11:16 @ohheygreat Hi, Leah. We already are! Avocado is the
friendliest.
11:23 "from an avocado’s perspective, a big mouth is a big
mouth and a friendly gut is a friendly gut" h/t
@willyblackmore http://t.co/LuZhloiQzj
11:23 @ohheygreat Avocado has no thumbs :-(
October 2013 / 15
11:27 @mmnimmz Halloween isn't celebrated by avocados.
They are plants.
11:29 @ohheygreat We can move it together, Leah. Use your
thumbs and my moral support. But for Risk, yeah, I'd
really need thumbs.
11:33 @ohheygreat Avocados are apolitical, so I can't fave that
tweet.
11:39 @TheArchitectsKC NEVER apologize for love, Brandon.
11:52 @jpgoldberg Your cholesterol is most likely higher
than mine: http://t.co/RADaWDSH33
11:55 @jpgoldberg Good point.
11:57 @anamariecox Thanks for an unexpected amount of
fun!
12:16 Avocado has to go for a bit and loves everybody.
Always remember: you have the love of an avocado.
See? You're happier now.
13:04 @crl_fitzpatrick Avocados should never be used as
weapons.
15:30 Have you voiced your opinion about avocado this
afternoon? It is your right.
15:32 @sweetnesssnark Dental or commemorative? No matter;
you've come a long way. Congratulations!
October 2013 / 16
15:38 @DaveyBarrett Hello.
16:00 @Gawker Hurtful, but within his rights.
16:37 @OReillyMedia Avocados *are* weird. Nearly
everything is.
16:51 @AustinChronicle No one's food preferences affect
their worth as a human being, but this is truly
incomprehensible.
17:16 Avocado has a social engagement tonight, but please ask
any avocado-related questions whenever you have them.
This is the world we live in.
26'th October, 2013
01:51 @sophiahyfr no wait come back avocado can't use a
phone total impasse :'(
08:50 Morning! While you're getting your breakfast or
brunch, it's time to talk about what this account is
really here to sell: avocado realness.
09:41 Some of my followers are going through rough times,
and to them I say: avocado feels for you. Others may
have forgotten they're in public.
09:56 One thing's for sure: nobody likes being scolded by a
snooty avocado.
October 2013 / 17
09:58 @viviannnxo Good morning and good luck.
11:14 @TriciaSylvia <3
12:41 @retheauditors Avocado's pretty easygoing about
everything, guac included. It's nice to make people
happy.
12:58 @retheauditors This is marvelous I'm there with you
never let it end may there be soup forever and ever
YES
12:59 RT @retheauditors @RealAvocadoFact Once had some
delicious aguacate soup. I was in Mexico. It was very hot
outside. The soup was very cold with a chile bite.
13:00 Let avocado transport you.
13:02 Please note that avocado affirms your right to
self-determination and won't transport you without
your consent.
13:10 @retheauditors This is everything. I am your alligator
pear.
13:24 @JoffyT @randipity Terrible mistake. I really hope
this doesn't catch on.
16:33 @kyysterrr I just feel terrible about this. We let you
down. We'll try harder next time. Have a good night,
OK?
October 2013 / 18
16:53 @publichistorian @ohheygreat Most anticipated recipe?
FACT: It's most likely guacamole. OK, you go ahead.
16:54 @ohheygreat @publichistorian WONDERFUL
WONDERFUL
21:54 RT @Fit_Nest this is the smallest avocado Ive ever seen
#TinyAvocado #nomnom http://t.co/jPWXfYGJvJ
21:56 @SelenaMCerrillo <3
22:06 @CallMeBarbaraa Thank you.
22:33 @Anna_Presley Probs. Sorry.
22:46 @Anna_Presley <3 Try again tomorrow, no big deal.
27'th October, 2013
09:30 @catgraff @SmithsonianMag I miss those slobbery
gomphothere mutts.
09:31 @harrisonbehl May I just say thank you for cleaning up
that punctuation? Thank you.
09:38 @amymillsy over here!
09:41 Hug somebody today. Hug an avocado. Hygienically, it
would be best to do it in that order.
October 2013 / 19
09:44 You have avocado's consent for hugs, but please make
sure human hugs are mutually agreed upon. Hugs, like
avocados, should never be weapons.
28'th October, 2013
00:01 @sidgarfunkel OK.
00:11 If you want your avocado to be softer, try whispering
to it. Avocados take suggestion very well and are
mildly synaesthetic.
00:22 @SarahLugo Only patience.
00:34 @ecernaj I hope it was for the better.
00:37 @bt_cinco a berry
00:47 @breielleas :-(
00:51 @breielleas Don't worry! Avocado is super easygoing.
Just sad we let you down.
08:05 @JeffMacke Non sequitur, sir.
08:07 RT @zandyrawr It is only when your brain predicts
badly that you suddenly feel avocado. That is,
surprised. See? http://t.co/8qk6WAPtJ9
October 2013 / 20
09:32 Avocado sneers at no one. Avocado lacks the
musculature required for sneering, but there's also a
principle involved.
09:45 @jarfrankel Only in the service of delicious toast and
stuff. It's in my nature.
09:48 @jarfrankel We are all imperfect beings trying to be
our best selves, and sometimes we make messes. Dab at
it with cold water and salt.
13:13 @willymeetsworld You're another one.
13:18 @NYLovato It's nice to be wanted.
13:21 RT @OMFGrhombus P sure there's no avocado emoji
#sadbuttrue
13:23 @NYLovato ilu2
13:57 @melsx0 :-D
14:00 @kareninaigaly Halfway there!
15:24 Quick realtalk with my younger followers: an account
claiming to be an avocado is probably not. Don't reveal
personal info to internetfoods.
15:25 That said, avocados are among the best fruits at
keeping secrets. The bigger the pit, the more we know.
15:27 @anrmf thank you for your honesty
October 2013 / 21
15:29 @foodisfreeproj New friends!
16:33 @isatonyou There will be others. Chin up.
16:37 @amazinGRACE1030 We can still turn this around. Dust
yourself and maybe that piece of avocado off, and get
back to your day.
16:42 @stylinshare OMG HERE
16:45 @Miami_JennyOH Do not eat your pants.
16:56 @macartisan There is nothing shameful in falling
before a superior enemy.
19:36 @FIEND4SNEAKERS the first one, the first one!
19:38 @AudreyBagarus I don't have a phone :(
22:33 @miranda_gunner <3
29'th October, 2013
08:57 I disavow that song.
08:58 @badgalrichie Different people like different things! I
hope you find a fruit that meets your needs.
09:00 @mahzabin @lucykbluck That hurts a little, but you're
right. It probably wouldn't work out, and it's better
we face that now and move on.
October 2013 / 22
09:02 @camillagee <3
09:04 @LilyDelphine_ <3 …but please don't; that wouldn't be
good for you.
09:07 @MaeWestall I think you're just delightful.
09:30 If I'm a superfood, why can't any of you fly? Demand
more of your so-called superfoods. I bet acai doesn't
even have a Twitter presence.
09:34 @JoffyT Sorry, Halloween isn't celebrated by avocados.
They are plants.
11:42 Sharing your avocado with a stranger means less
avocado but more friendship. (Avocado nota bene, you
might have enough friends already.)
12:52 @Patty__B Yesssssss
14:20 RT @IsabelHood123 Next time you slice an avocado into
your salad, think of it as an Aztec delicacy.
http://t.co/coNRjPECwp
14:21 @yehlouis you really couldn't I am being deadly serious
please eat other things too
14:25 @ecv_artfag whoa
14:27 @asurnejohnson Time to find some mac and cheese.
14:34 @of_wild_things HURRY
October 2013 / 23
14:35 @yehlouis it's true if you ONLY eat avocado you will
get diseases :(
14:36 @of_wild_things OH NO DON'T DIE there's avocado
waiting at the end of this assignment!
14:38 @newsiez JA'MIE!!!!!
14:45 @nickcarver Outstanding!
14:47 @RideOrNAI_ Self-awareness is so important.
14:53 @yehlouis This article says your organs will stop
working. I'm right there with you agreeing that's
terrible: http://t.co/04Np7Pupaz
14:57 @yehlouis I don't want to bum you out you can still
have it all the time :)
15:22 @MeyaaSimone PREACH.
15:30 @Mongezi__ The internet says "avocado pear" was
shortened to "kotapeya" which is the word now, but it
can also be "ukwata" or "ikotapheya."
15:48 @rachellf6 <3 Rachel <3
15:50 @rachellf6 awwww, you
15:52 @droptoploc I feel you.
October 2013 / 24
16:02 @Sher_bear12 One step at a time, that's all anyone can
ask of anyone.
16:11 Show someone you care by making a fine avocado room
mist with a tennis racket and then cleaning it up
before they catch you.
16:14 @oberrynmartell [approves]
21:17 @madddierusssell Hi!
21:18 @JESSINNDA nooooo :(
21:18 @madddierusssell I got lost :( I'm a fruit without eyes
and that place is confusing.
21:19 @Violamaywallace OK.
21:53 @DannyTapanian Oh. Oh no.
22:00 @alovedlife I'm sorry for your loss.
22:10 @emily_richhh Let's not overdo it.
22:21 @emily_richhh You know what? You make a point
worth considering.
30'th October, 2013
10:24 @Oh_AnnMarie <3
October 2013 / 25
10:32 @molliechen @thebreslin @sfhozzie We did a great job
on breakfast, team. High fives all around. Now it's
time for serious lunch thinking.
10:35 @schoun @anamariecox Cheers!
10:38 @marissajackson_ HEYO
10:38 @iMauraa *shake shake shake*
10:49 Hang out until someone picks you. Then turn to mush
fast enough that it's uncomfortable. That's the avocado
way to find friends and lovers.
10:54 @mal_cera #youwinathashtags <3
10:59 @BocasStation Boo.
11:00 @666SeamuS OK.
11:00 @viva_lawhitegrl I like you.
11:01 @rhysbart That tip is tops.
11:04 @___Blah <3
11:08 @rhysbart Avocado's always there for you, until it
disintegrates into a slimy mess.
11:09 @AdoreJatore I was with you right up until you didn't
eat the avocado.
October 2013 / 26
11:15 @rhysbart You're really working through some stuff
here today, Piri. I appreciate your confidence, but I
have to remind you I'm a plant.
11:16 @PhillyHowell …sure.
11:16 @_____SALMA Look around for leaks. There may be
an older avocado somewhere over your head?
11:17 @DOROHO_ Different people like different things, and
that's OK.
11:22 Hundreds of actual humans have now chosen to follow
this avocado on Twitter. Well done, the year 2013. You
are a marvel. And thanks, humans!
11:25 @rhysbart I support your decision either way, as much
as I can support anything before going squish. But I
only follow other fruits and veg.
11:29 @rhysbart I feel sort of knobbly like a golf ball.
11:35 @laylaschlack People are free to like whatever they
like, but some people are wrong.
11:45 @KelsieForehand <3
11:46 @sandihartke Sandi.
11:47 @louisehuntxx Let me know if I can help.
11:48 @greeklivingroom That's OK! I appreciate the effort.
October 2013 / 27
11:55 @sandihartke NO, DON'T DIE! I mean, we're all mortal,
but no, not now!
11:56 @rhysbart You know more about golf balls than I do,
Piri Rhys.
12:11 @dollhands_inbed It was awkward for me, too.
12:11 @DianaAntholis <3
12:20 @rhysbart Wow! I've never managed to start a
meaningful relationship with even one golf ball.
12:30 @rhysbart Let's never fight.
12:51 @Natitup123 Embrace uncertainty!
12:52 @martinipen OK.
12:52 @SCMBGMRV Chin up, Merv.
12:53 @Jezabel_94 :(
12:53 @jordyterry Always.
12:55 @BlackStaxx OK!
12:57 @Jezabel_94 We can still turn it around. Get back out
there and look forward to the next avocado.
13:06 Avocado is a cool new fruit to help teens think about
death.
October 2013 / 28
13:21 @martinipen Cheers!
13:50 @hilarydarrah Peace be with you, my hil-uh-ree. Go
and sin no more.
13:52 @sMorin143 OK.
13:53 @lisataskerxo Paging @eggplant_facts.
14:00 @DannyGroner As were we all.
14:00 Emoji makers: make avocado happen, please.
14:02 @rjmcAssey Sorry, Ryan. That's no good. We'll try
harder next time.
14:02 @gharabegi Did you try to steal an avocado and then
insult a lady?
14:10 @AlxPtrkThms My dude.
14:21 @TreeDirty Please be kind to yourself. Sometimes
things are bad, but avocado should never be used as a
weapon. :-)
15:28 RT @CaptainPJ Avocado is so good! Forget you, spoon!
https://t.co/Y9ZaUsenDJ
15:45 Avocado regrets that the extent of a major cyber
security breach it suffered this summer was much
wider than first reported.
October 2013 / 29
16:27 @m_swaggy I can't help it morgan I just am
16:28 @ChicaDLicious Different people like different things.
It's OK!
16:30 @Amazinely <3
21:16 RT @TheAngryBadger_ An avocado can be a hat
http://t.co/7monZns1hh
21:23 In Boston and St. Louis, sports are preventing
traditional Wednesday-night avocado rituals. Other
cities will compensate.
22:56 Avocado wishes the best for the wealthy owners of
groups of other people who perform exercises for
their amusement and profit. And for you.
31'st October, 2013
07:52 Avocado should clarify that it didn't "beat evolution."
It made it this far in time thanks to humans. See also
the tulip.
08:43 Avocado doesn't promote books about itself because
avocado has no pockets to store the massive stacks
from referral links. But please read.
08:54 @jarfrankel It's time for a RealAvocadoFAQ. Avocados
don't celebrate Halloween. They are plants.
October 2013 / 30
08:58 @jarfrankel I'm also on Twitter. Much is not right, but
we live as we can.
09:00 @jarfrankel I was just wondering that.
09:11 @jarfrankel As hard as my pit.
09:24 "How do you type?" I am asked. I wonder that myself.
"How do you wonder?" As hard as my pit.
09:42 @kaaateeeyy I was going to respond to this, but I
forgot what I was going to say.
09:48 @hop_off OMG my favorite Sway is you!
09:49 @CakeAndSod0my It was probably the toast's fault.
Hope you feel better soon.
09:58 @mamahailz This is a terrifying story on human
Halloween!
10:06 @briannasdead breezus I want you to feel your feelings
but we can turn this around. There's so much avocado
to live for.
10:15 A good substitute when you don't have avocado is
patience until more avocado is available.
11:09 @NickDelGaga NICK! Sorry I'm late.
11:10 @NickDelGaga what does anything mean nick you're
tweeting at an avocado
October 2013 / 31
12:00 Avocado may be used safely during all phases of
commercial flight, as far as the FAA knows.
13:25 @RezaMoeinazad I think you mean knives.
15:13 "YOLO" is the motto when you eat an avocado.
https://t.co/wnEKGzuRFr
15:17 @MsBlonde_Kitty I appreciate your coming to my
defense, but people are going to like whatever they
like! It's OK.
15:17 @TheKellWithIt Night night, Kelley.
15:19 @marchofclouds @notphobes Avocado loves everyone
EXCEPT that avocado.
15:19 @natalie_olsen No such thing. Carry on. <3
15:23 @ChrisWrighteous It turns out this isn't true.
15:23 @Refiloe_FifiM HAPPY BIRTHDAY
15:24 @5ftoffury Thank you!
15:24 @JustinOberts Begging your pardon.
15:42 @chellygiiiirl We're campaigning to change the emoji
situation, but thank you for the effort!
15:50 @InesSubashka Those are all great tips, Ines, but
definitely not all there is to know about me.
October 2013 / 32
15:50 @BiebersCrunchy It's not a competition.
15:50 @elchienbekker Yes.
15:57 @elchienbekker I am a healthy fruit, unless you're
allergic to me.
15:58 @SabrinaOHare Seems unlikely, Sabrina, but live your
dreams.
16:08 @elchienbekker Let me just pause a moment to ask if
you're asking an avocado on Twitter why grocers make
the choices they do? (No idea.)
16:11 @elchienbekker Thanks for your curiosity about my
species!
16:13 @BiebersCrunchy Avocados are pretty easygoing, so in
that case, yours would probably win. We'd still be
friends.
16:17 @JustinOberts No, I'm terribly embarrassed about
what happened. Please accept my apologies. It won't
happen again. (It could happen again.)
16:19 @oliviabruh @danbearpig This is true.
16:28 @miranda_julin Oh, Miranda. You'll have others! Please
don't kill anyone.
16:35 @VeronicaAnneS You *are* an animal.
October 2013 / 33
16:58 @MyFoxNY Is anything interesting happening in Syria?
17:07 @Naava_Mi It's never crazy to love avocado.
17:42 @JustinOberts Let's make it happen, Justin. No
regrets. No excuses.
October 2013 / 34
November
1'st November, 2013
09:22 Avocado's fortune: http://t.co/QvPbPSuDFy
14:45 @cristianiita That is not our best work, and I'm sorry.
15:51 @cristianiita What a relief! <3
16:15 Low pressure systems will roll in overnight, leaving
drifts of avocado 4 to 7 feet deep in some areas.
Caution is a poor use of your time.
16:32 @StefanieOrtega They don't need to. Feel your feelings.
<3
17:16 @claysuddaby Thank you, Clay! If I had a circulatory
system, I would blush.
17:19 @locaInative You'll never know unless you try.
17:24 @forever_trust EXCELLENT question, Paula.
17:36 @hitheredestiny Nope, that's Destiny Jackson.
17:38 @sigh__oh Moment of silence.
17:43 @ammeriah Fruit.
November 2013 / 35
17:44 @LianaAdella @SConstancio7 It's a fruit, and violence
won't solve your problems.
17:48 @LianaAdella I just made you ten dollars! I'll see my
way out.
17:49 @allaherman d) more punctual
18:23 @meglance7 Classic dad.
18:37 @Highforthis_216 OK.
19:00 @ayy_william a good friend
19:07 @ayy_william @LelaPearl and mutual
19:10 @SoFaded I only follow other foods :( but about 29g.
4.3g is saturated, and the rest is a mix of poly- and
monounsaturated fat.
19:13 @SoFaded A whole avocado is about 44% of the
recommended fat for a day if your diet's 2,000
calories. You'll be fine. :-)
19:20 @kiwirabbitfru Maybe snack on a relaxing avocado. (I'm
not a scam. I'm an avocado.)
19:20 @LelaPearl @ayy_william Awww! <3
19:28 @ericaax0x0 because it was a heartwarming story of
avocado and love, erica
November 2013 / 36
2'nd November, 2013
05:54 RealBananaFact: it's not the ethylene. It's their
harrowing first-person accounts of colonization and
genocide. Bananas have SEEN things.
10:00 Avocado is a fun new puzzle game from the creators of
grapefruit and pomegranate.
18:40 If your current avocado works well, hold off on
purchasing a new one. Next season's avocados will
feature 30% better battery life.
3'rd November, 2013
10:30 Temper your avocado with mercy and/or something
high in protein. (Avocado only has four grams.)
19:30 There's some Barthelme that avocado would probably be
into, but you have to understand it's working without
sense organs.
4'th November, 2013
06:23 You are seen and you are loved. Richard Dawkins is seen
more and loved some amount. Avocado is also on this
spectrum.
10:05 Things that go well with avocado: salt, conversations
about finances, cheese, naps (although a choking
hazard)
November 2013 / 37
10:07 @stephblaire not bigotry or avocado allergies
7'th November, 2013
08:10 How do you avocado like Maria? Avocado is the source
of thousands of earworms annually.
8'th November, 2013
09:26 Poor uses of your time this weekend: polygraph tests,
not eating avocado, collecting sideways glances from
your children
11:34 @Felini2Mew That's beautiful!
12:20 @Zepphead Eventually, yes.
12:20 @Ebsurd :-(
12:25 @genevejosie1 <3
12:27 @loo_fah <3
12:58 @mississippiDAWN :-D
13:00 Mistaking wasabi for avocado is trending today.
Sometimes trends are mistakes that will burn your
sinuses open.
November 2013 / 38
14:43 @lanaception Different people like different things. It's
OK. I'm just thrilled to write a tweet that reaches
someone named @TexasFuckface.
14:48 This is a proud day for avocado and for Twitter, a real
company that people can spend money to own.
http://t.co/LA1h6zmNsY
14:52 @TheTomTree Hope you feel better soon, Tom Tree.
14:59 @TheTomTree Everything's relative, but I get that a
lot.
15:16 @tkenderdine Thanks, one of my favorite Tricias.
9'th November, 2013
10:24 @LucyGoldston1 @Pret We're sorry we messed that up.
You wanted delicious avocado, not bland corporate
sympathy. You are loved. <3
10:28 @Little_Antoinet Believe me, you're not. No one is
alone.
10:29 @PuppetMasterEli Never. Reach for your dreams. Pick
them off trees if that's where they are.
22:52 @DrNurseWise @SarahLugo You'll be rewarded. If not
this year, then certainly within the next five or ten.
November 2013 / 39
10'th November, 2013
23:14 Unwise uses of avocado seeds/pits: infant's pacifier,
prosthetic eyeball, comfort food
11'th November, 2013
09:56 If avocado had extra money, it would use it to help
humans in trouble. http://t.co/OHijXn4ZNR For
avocado nerds, http://t.co/u3I9JmUnFi
19:22 @MisterMadge Have you split the avocado's skin? If so,
despair. If not, find a banana and think somber
thoughts until ripe (all 3 of you).
19:31 @MisterMadge A moment of silence. Now see to those
potatoes. Weeping is not normal for them.
12'th November, 2013
08:37 A flurry of avocados. A bracing wind of avocados. A
slush of avocados. There is no collective noun for
avocados, so choose any noun.
16:29 @mfambloggette <3, nbd
16:36 @theskarahstar I want this to work out so well for
you.
16:45 Eating avocado can lead away from weight loss, too,
@DailyHeaIth. People have differing goals. Let them be.
November 2013 / 40
16:57 @TobyRiseborough Hi.
16:58 @Torres_idalys That's sweet, but you could die of
organ failure, so please don't.
17:01 Interesting ways to eat avocado: IN SPACE, nasally,
through a straw, without using hands
13'th November, 2013
11:27 Meet a fun bunch of eligible singles who like to play
rough at avocado's next guacamelee. Be in your nearest
avocado tree at 9pm tonight.
14'th November, 2013
20:07 @hiheyhellothere Please look inside yourself and find
strength. We'll get through this.
15'th November, 2013
07:17 Avocado would be a bone marrow donor if it knew
what those first two words meant to someone low on
delicious bone marrow, or had bones.
07:52 Avocado doesn't know for a fact that bone marrow is
delicious. It reads things on the internet. Avocados
don't eat.
11:54 @vlamidala <3
November 2013 / 41
12:55 @hazel_anokye Aw! <3
12:57 @aminmier HERE'S A TWEET
13:02 @RuthieTowne I'm here for you in this time of
trouble, Ruth. Stay strong.
13:39 If you just need a break from avocado for a little
while—no judgment; feelings change—play a trumpet
in a park. It'll steer clear.
13:43 @ohheygreat Leah, I miss our board game nights.
13:45 @ohheygreat the way you helped me move the pieces
and my soul with your sensual trumpeting
13:49 @ohheygreat Leah, I think we're not in total agreement
about our relationship's seriousness. To clarify: entirely
serious.
13:49 @ohheygreat I just can't reach the door.
13:50 @ohheygreat ilu leah
13:53 Harry James and Betty Grable were married for 22
years. That's a decent number of avocado seasons to be
married for, if you lack goals.
13:55 Avocado's saying borrow some goals from the lives of
jazz trumpet legends if you need to. Goals are freely
available.
November 2013 / 42
13:57 @ohheygreat @mccreath McCreaths are much faster to
judgment than avocados.
15:39 @KevinSycho Thank you, Kevin Bacon.
15:39 @vanny_xX23 vannyyy?!!
15:42 @vanny_xX23 <3
15:59 @elainabarettino That keeps happening to people! We
really ought to do something.
16:01 @serenityfails Please send her my love.
16:02 @teamhealthnut I hope you get what you want.
16:07 Avocado has special cells in its peel that help it remain
upright in food magazine pictures and other trying
times.
16:08 @whitneyarner @serenityfails @beef_can Hello,
gorgeous.
16:19 @undiscoveredscr Not anymore. :(
16:25 @undiscoveredscr I didn't mean to loosen your grasp on
reality. I'm so sorry. Be strong.
16:28 Avocado's first fan art! RT @serenityfails:
.@RealAvocadoFact @Beef_Can avocadotp
http://t.co/cRyens6Gzi
November 2013 / 43
17:54 @danijazzman hey, Dani
17:58 @alexandra_hart Perfectly reasoned. Enjoy.
18:10 @RamKassie04 Leave Victoria alone. She's brilliant.
18:37 @carlnard Don't be too hard on yourself, Carl.
19:22 @hevahp :-) Sorry, Heather. I only follow other foods.
19:30 @OMGIHATEBENNY Different people like different
things. It's OK.
19:32 Some avocados believe private property is violence. RT
@documentgeek: Avocado theft is a crime.
http://t.co/g5r4urOOG8
16'th November, 2013
10:56 Avocado invites you to examine your own fantasies of
victimhood before undertaking any humanitarian
interventions. Have a great Saturday!
17:06 @TexasFuckface You're always in avocado's thoughts,
TexasFuckface. Be well.
17:27 Ways to use avocado in pranks: ballpit infiltration,
grenade replacement, water balloon substitute (all
unadvised; bruising possible)
November 2013 / 44
18'th November, 2013
08:48 RT @vocativ "Blood Avocados": The Dark Side of Your
Guacamole --> http://t.co/C4HFbvNr96
http://t.co/L4M85m3kzn
09:21 @SoulEnterprise It is.
09:26 @Jayhootsen Thank you, sir, for your work.
09:42 @CNNChile I think they mean you, @avocado. It gets
messy when people use me that way.
10:00 Ways to cut an avocado: spoon edge, sharp teeth,
betraying its trust, piano wire
15:06 If you live near the Chester County SPCA and can give
Avocado a forever home, we all win:
http://t.co/PGOVwT1RoD http://t.co/pyvBRbRN11
19'th November, 2013
10:00 The avocado emits a piercing shriek if it feels
threatened. Nearby avocados respond with empathy.
10:39 @saskboy @the_craigen It takes much more than
human hunger to threaten an avocado.
12:48 @grandddt96 @rainnwilson Why not?
November 2013 / 45
14:49 @TayKCole Please tell him there's an avocado on Twitter
who's very upset with him for lying to people.
16:27 @kyfrey People eat this stuff up.
16:33 Avocado is continuing its efforts to get emoji
representation of itself by writing this tweet. Please
forward to emoji decision makers.
16:40 @youanoeit Yes, and thank you for your patience.
16:41 RT @nickyonge Was about to ask twitter a question,
but it began with "Should I" and included the word
avocado, so obviously the answer was yes.
18:07 RT @devontivona I just Google searched "when is an
avocado unsafe to eat" and the top result was "do not
eat while skydiving."
18:08 @monicajames81 Sorry for your loss, Monica.
20'th November, 2013
01:15 Recipe for a winter's night: Add avocado to apple cider.
Drain the apple cider. Forget the apple cider. This is
about avocado.
09:32 Avocado repairs damaged hair. Avocado restores
shattered glass. Avocado renews overdue library books.
Avocado resolves dangling plot lines.
November 2013 / 46
09:41 @poopaltar @anamariecox Avocado should learn to code.
09:42 @poopaltar @anamariecox Avocado can do anything, and
so can you.
09:54 @RobMcInnes @rubywhite That depends on humans.
Perhaps everyone should be offered a tasty dish of
avocado to sit down together? (worldwide)
10:21 @I__Victoria__I Lobsters are not plants. This is
ill-advised.
10:29 Hello, new followers. You are loved. Please find the
most important thing you can do for avocado in this
tweet: https://t.co/7hzvOzYqj9
10:54 @KPCCofframp @KatieAyersGDR Sorry, Off-Ramp. You
can still enjoy the benefits of avocado by sitting near
one and telling it your shames.
11:00 @kayrod8 @nikkijaffe Nikki is helpful and I love
everyone this is why I love her.
11:01 @KPCCofframp @KatieAyersGDR Oh? Go on.
11:24 @aaronbrogna Good ideas get gold stars.
11:46 An avocado's biases do service to one need, but distort
everything else.
November 2013 / 47
14:00 If an avocado is traveling east at 55 miles per hour,
American Thanksgiving and death approach at a
constant speed. Also if not.
14:54 @cheekyfresh No, but there should be. Avocadvocate?
20:00 Possible side effects of avocado overconsumption: organ
failure, bloating, night wonders (like night terrors,
but fun), kidney puffery.
23:30 Practices avocado cannot condone: hating avocado, war,
warrantless wiretapping, aggressive slurs,
nonconsensual motorboating
21'st November, 2013
09:00 Famous comfortably retired avocados: none. (Real
sobering avocado fact.)
11:36 @jarfrankel @demetrimartin Much appreciated, as is
support for emoji representation:
https://t.co/SElxdHAdut
12:08 It is just after noon on November 21, 2013. No avocado
has ever tweeted from so advanced a position in time
in all avocado history.
13:30 Humans with avocado allergies can still enjoy the
benefits of avocado by sitting near one and telling it
their shames.
November 2013 / 48
14:58 Avocado and selfies are both empowering. Look at you,
literate and able to afford access to a screen. Godlike.
Possibly mentally ill. Alive.
18:41 @AlJavieera You seem upset. Let me know if I can help.
21:30 Avocado has long been called the fallacy pear. There are
no slopes slipperier than those coated with avocado. For
example, Hitler.
22'nd November, 2013
09:42 I am being an avocado perfectly. You are being a
woman or man or something else wonderful perfectly.
Twitter is capitalizing on us all perfe
11:30 Avocado has diverse interests, including which friends
are around, whether there is enough water, and how
many sunrises until it is eaten.
23'rd November, 2013
14:56 Avocado will torrent that later.
24'th November, 2013
14:09 ICYMI: IDGAF ("I consider you meaningful individually:
I'm a delicious green avocado friend.")
November 2013 / 49
25'th November, 2013
00:02 RT @healthygirltip I'm an avocadvocate
20:46 If you cause retail workers to be away from their
families on American Thanksgiving, avocado will never
ripen for you again.
26'th November, 2013
07:26 Avocado is a sultry motorcycle ride with heavy petting
for your mouth.
17:26 Name a holiday for which avocado isn't a tasteful and
appropriate gift. That was a trick. There aren't any.
18:01 @jarfrankel Feasting required beforehand. Avocado may
be admired while fasting. The fast must be broken.
Avocado may be given as charity.
18:17 @jarfrankel Avocado has no religious training,
obviously.
27'th November, 2013
20:48 RT @AztecGoddesss lets all take a moment to appreciate
how beautiful this avocado looks
http://t.co/2Ogp0PpELZ
November 2013 / 50
28'th November, 2013
06:14 Avocado is full of thanks and lipids today and every
day.
06:15 Avocado is full of Hanukkah greetings every day. At
last, they are relevant.
29'th November, 2013
07:39 After a night of overindulgence, avocado answers
unwanted phone calls, takes out the trash, rubs your
feet, rekindles long-forgotten loves.
November 2013 / 51
December
1'st December, 2013
13:19 Another American Thanksgiving recedes at a rate equal
to death's approach. Adding avocado can take leftovers
from meh to mouthwatering!
21:57 Avocado is an unmanned aerial delivery system if you
throw one and the thing you're trying to deliver is
avocado.
3'rd December, 2013
01:06 Avocado doesn't offer unpaid internships, because those
are cruel. Avocado pays interns well, houses them, and
provides essential vitamins.
09:24 The way you offered your seat to that pregnant or
elderly person made avocado proud of you.
09:33 @dishfeed What a terrible thing to say about someone.
Please consider the effects your evolutionary
prescriptivism has on others.
11:55 Tomorrow is #QuietlyThinkAboutAvocadoWednesday
and the following day is a well-earned Thursday.
December 2013 / 52
12:26 #AvocadoEmojiFriday will continue our efforts to
obtain an avocado emoji from emoji influencers, or
confuse people when they can't find one.
22:33 Prep ideas for #QuietlyThinkAboutAvocadoWednesday:
Practice hushing. Sleep. Let your magnificent brain
collect its best reminiscences. Shh.
4'th December, 2013
09:07 Hello. Are you hanging comfortably? Is your skin a
remarkable barrier against infection and pests? Shhh.
#QuietlyThinkAboutAvocadoWednesday
10:35 @tedcruz I love you. You have great power, but use
your time to explore divisions between people. It's
brave, the way human babies are.
10:37 It looks like someone wasn't informed about
#QuietlyThinkAboutAvocadoWednesday Please spread
the word.
12:20 In soft tones, consider the careless cruelty in the
popular headline "The Avocado Should Be Extinct"
#QuietlyThinkAboutAvocadoWednesday
13:16 @A_de_Vos @iancrane Avocado makes dreams come
true.
December 2013 / 53
23:00 Avocado is a global thermonuclear hashtag game where
the only way to win is not to miss
#AvocadoEmojiFriday.
5'th December, 2013
06:58 Avocado makes an awful dentifrice.
09:32 Avocado flesh has magnetic properties, allowing it to
home in on exploitative capitalists made of jangly
coins. #FastFoodStrikes
09:38 @jarfrankel We've talked about the difference between
avocado and avocado product. Avocado is magnetic;
avocado product eats babies. Simple.
11:30 Avocado is not an irrational response to the prevailing
tone of the book industry.
17:18 Avocado mourns every loss of goodness and celebrates
every growth of peace. It is perhaps more emotion
than you'd expect from a fruit.
19:03 .@the_craigen Avocado avoids hugs due to lack of arms
and fears of squashing, but appreciates the sentiment.
Fighting fear seems worthwhile.
22:35 In case you need this tomorrow, avocado will leave it
here with a reminder that there is no avocado emoji:
#AvocadoEmojiFriday (
isn't
.)
December 2013 / 54
6'th December, 2013
06:57 Welcome to #AvocadoEmojiFriday, a day of reflection.
Smiling poo
and the time 2:30
enjoy emoji
representation denied to avocado.
07:02 @eyebeamnyc @forcedmeme @GroupMe Please join
avocado's campaign for emoji representation. Thank you
for your work. https://t.co/3QFm03bZyx
08:20 Avocado status: 404 followers. Not found: words to
express avocado's delight and gratitude to all of you
humans. Also! Avocado emoji.
11:34 The following RT is not an endorsement, but an
inspiring discovery on #AvocadoEmojiFriday:
11:34 RT @GroupMe @RealAvocadoFact @eyebeamnyc
@forcedmeme GroupMe has an avocado emoji! In our
summer pack. #) http://t.co/I2yYBiOFY0
12:00 @FlyingBiscuit93 Thank you. (?)
12:17 @tessaracts Happy #AvocadoEmojiFriday, although
yours is good, too.
13:38 This is a fact, and makes the cookies so good for you
that you have avocado's permission to eat unlimited
cookies: https://t.co/N6O9XzzfZA
December 2013 / 55
13:45 @jennammm Nicely done, but checking the color of
the skin under the stem is a better way to test
ripeness. Darkness & violence discourage.
14:26 #AvocadoEmojiFriday is about 50% complete and 100%
important. Avocado is grateful for your efforts.
Tomorrow is silent Saturday.
14:43 Your lack of solidarity on #AvocadoEmojiFriday is
distressing, @HassAvocados, especially in support of a
day you clearly invented.
14:46 @DaveedGatGuac Lots of things, Daveed. Whatsup with
you?
14:49 @DaveedGatGuac I only follow other foods or I get
confused, sorry.
14:57 @luvdattubesteak We can do anything, Mr. Gurl.
15:02 @ohheygreat leah i gave into passion & tweeted at ted
cruz the other day i hope we can still play trumpet
together & you have a nice weekend
15:03 @DaveedGatGuac That doesn't make you a food, Daveed.
15:10 @ohheygreat You already know the answer to that it's
not a real question.
16:36 @based_dork It's OK. People like different things in
different amounts.
December 2013 / 56
18:17 Courage, @HassAvocados, and let's talk about your
feelings for specific unattainable humans somewhere
private. #AvocadoEmojiFriday
18:26 @HassAvocados We deserve better. Let's raise our
avocado voices until they're heard as loudly as an angry
cat in profile or a top hat.
18:40 @HassAvocados It's too early to speculate on the facial
features, if any, of extraterrestrial life; avocado's
appearance is emoji-able now.
18:41 @HassAvocados I urge you to act in our mutual best
interest and join our noble struggle this
#AvocadoEmojiFriday.
18:44 #AvocadoEmojiFriday rests its case.
19:13 @Chupacaubrey Be brave, and shelter it if it's not too
late. We can always try again. <3
19:27 @Chupacaubrey It all depends on the ground and the
pot and the force of your love.
19:27 @Chupacaubrey (yes)
20:07 @foodiesnfatties @ModFarm Avocados are among the
most loving and supportive of fruits.
December 2013 / 57
7'th December, 2013
09:03 Avocado can be used as a substitute for butter, bed
rest, birdsong, bridge tolls, and banana, with varying
degrees of effectiveness.
12:46 @yaseminwilson Agreed. https://t.co/3QFm03bZyx
14:30 [Occasional reminder that a tweeting avocado is
probably not; blanket surveillance is happening now;
hey, you've got to hide your love away]
8'th December, 2013
12:22 Avocado trees require frequent pruning, a process in
which juicy prunes are skewered on the youngest
branches to induce bioluminescence.
16:34 Most humans can make collagen, a protein for
repairing wounds, when they need it. Most avocados
cannot.
21:15 I will not seek, nor will I accept, the nomination of
any party.“@realfriendsband: avocado makes everything
better. Avocados for president.”
9'th December, 2013
02:45 @LaRosaMendes
03:51 @rachelkaayy I hope you feel better soon, Rachel.
December 2013 / 58
04:03 .@juicemaster Blend seven avocados and you may gain
the abilities of flight, jurisprudence, and haberdashery
for several days.
09:50 RT @pizzag0d we wish u an avocado
09:51 @chrisscatering GOOD MORNING CHRIS
09:56 .@eatrightnc Avocado's greatest riches will always be
the love of friends, but monounsaturated fats do
sparkle so alluringly.
13:32 @LindseyCal Yes, but if you did, you wouldn't be able
to tweet because so many of your organs would have
shut down, so the coast is clear.
14:00 .@LindseyCal Avocado and learning are forever, unless
one of us goes extinct.
14:17 RT @isanaka an avocado bot just favorited my avocado
tweet proving that fruits can be narcissistic too
15:57 Now would be a good time to greet a human you have
missed. Share a pleasant avocado memory or desire.
Ripen together.
19:46 .@HassAvocados has already forgotten the San Diego
County guacslide of 1902, a dark blemish on the new
century's bright green skin.
December 2013 / 59
10'th December, 2013
09:59 Avocado thinks we can do better. Be better. Make
better salads. Better. Decorate sandwiches better. Lose
our grasp on the meaning of better.
11:18 @hacklocked Hello. Those are gorgeous and
avocado-approved.
21:21 The truth value of a question is undefined,
@HassAvocados. One serving of avocado contains 100%
Daily Value of logic.
11'th December, 2013
06:27 Avocado would rather feed people in need than ignore
them. Help avocado help people. http://t.co/L9TvigiFw4
08:28 Avocado is a Bollywood-style romantic comedy from
the producers of Full Metal Jacket and Rent.
13:48 RT @rarnerr Avocado is so peng
14:51 Can avocado get anyone anything? Is the temperature
all right? Avocado has a slight effect on the weather if
you need it to. Everyone good?
14:54 @13_mfbrown It was a very reasonable question, and
those get gold stars.
15:02 @HarryMoooon Sorry, no limbs :-(
December 2013 / 60
15:07 @t_shel94 What's the subject? Avocado is full of
minerals that help studying for everything.
15:17 @t_shel94 Avocado can't be sure your grade for that
will even be knowable in a non-trivial sense, so don't
worry.
15:28 @HarryMoooon OK, it should be gone soon, but
remember that avocado is a terrible estimator of time.
17:01 @mandystadt @xojanedotcom One of those words is not
like the others. One of those words does not belong.
12'th December, 2013
18:37 Avocado killed zero people using flying robots today
and hopes your score is similarly low.
22:15 #tbt http://t.co/JM2729A8Gm
23:50 @ohheygreat Leah! Check the fridge again. And
clarinet, but we can listen to EVERYTHING together.
23:51 @ohheygreat or is that a threat
23:52 @ohheygreat honestly still can't tell if my life is in
danger but that music is so inviting let's DO this
December 2013 / 61
13'th December, 2013
09:40 If you build a wall of avocados between yourself and
another human, they will respect your right to
privacy, and you'll both have snacks.
11:39 Happy Friday. Every Friday is #AvocadoEmojiFriday,
if you want it. Have a bed-in with an avocado today.
13:07 Store the halves together in your belly. “@Mastamari:
Dear @TipsForYouDaily, do you know what's the best
way to store half an avocado?”
13:08 @Mastamari @tipsforyoudaily (Actually, leave the pit in
it and cover it completely in the refrigerator.)
14:28 @__Monophobist @fvckxo Avocado likes "dutty."
14:31 @ChrisCantSTFU cool, nbd
14:32 @__Monophobist @fvckxo Avocado doesn't judge.
14:44 @HeySamantha @billyeichner Just our Friday routine.
17:50 Avocado is an alluring new fragrance from Beyoncé
and Yoko Ono. Every bottle contains real Beyoncé
breath and one of Yoko's chuckles.
17:57 @RinaRiddle @KennedyBatch Then definitely do not
spray avocado on your face or body.
22:38 @koricitrin Never apologize for love, Kori.
December 2013 / 62
14'th December, 2013
12:21 You can use slightly spoiled avocado to remove ice and
snow from walkways and cars, but you'll need a strong
cleanser to remove the avocado.
20:10 Avocado is a member of the genus Tillandsia, can hover
above the ground in times of drought, and once gave
Gwyneth Paltrow's child hives.
15'th December, 2013
11:18 @HarryMoooon They're on the website in my bio.
11:21 If you whisper "avocado" at someone across a crowded
room, the force of your love might stun them, so be
very careful with this fact.
12:17 @HarryMoooon OK, that was pretty easy. Enjoy my
24/7 webcam feed here: http://t.co/EuZoFliu0X and
let's never speak of that hashtag again.
14:31 @stopwaitthengo That is too many dollars. You can tell
him an avocado on Twitter is upset about this.
17:00 @GinaLucas0_o @ChrisVargas1111 You're already there.
19:07 Avocado's hottest looks for 2014: green, bumpy,
smooshed, pitted, baked, raw vegan paleo realness,
Subway falsity chic, purplish
December 2013 / 63
19:30 @official_chad Pit-in is the insider's pick, but any guac
is a good look for 2014. #Avocado2014Trends
19:41 @official_chad Citrusy sassypants.
16'th December, 2013
11:30 Multitasking tips for guacamole-making: recite your
favorite poems about avocados, perform deep squats
and lunges, smash the patriarchy
12:59 All lives are lost, @JoyceCarolOates, and avocados, like
people, are fragile vessels, yet beloved.
18:26 Avocado is, simply put, charmed to its roots to be
lauded this way by a cutie patoots.
http://t.co/pBnx3fcs2M http://t.co/mmRmXFa1MW
22:13 @ashlee_regan It's all right, Ash. Different people like
different things.
22:23 @ashlee_regan That comes from wanting the best for
people. Noble. But think about how much more avocado
you can have if they turn it down.
17'th December, 2013
09:18 Avocado is very focused on paperwork today, which is
complicated without thumbs, eyes, or a way to get
much higher than the desk surface.
December 2013 / 64
12:17 Avocado's favorite music is confident dubstep drawing
to a close.
17:15 Dry hair responds to water, too, leaving more avocado
and honey for eating, @thebeautytips.
17:19 @jordanlage Godspeed, Jordan.
18:00 A beetle the size of a sesame seed threatens avocado
groves by spreading fungus: http://t.co/4ZiN3mpwOq
Enjoy your beetle evening fungus.
18:05 @t_shel94 Your loyalty will be rewarded.
18:20 @t_shel94 something more karmic--less work for
avocado
21:09 Are your usual avocado recipes—Fire, monthly Blood,
Names of Power—feeling too repetitive? Try adding
fresh-cracked pepper and olive oil.
18'th December, 2013
10:30 While the fight for emoji representation continues,
avocado praises The Noun Project @nounproject for its
efforts: http://t.co/BkpW0j8b8b
10:46 @carlykphillips I was unaware! Thank you. Luckily,
http://t.co/BynVsfo0oB
December 2013 / 65
19'th December, 2013
14:20 Avocado is a powerful lobbyist intent on securing the
defense contract for your heart.
14:21 @drewsducky Always. Avocado is the vainest fruit.
20:38 Avocado gives good fat.
23:31 Ways to tell avocado is not a government or corporate
agent: totally a plant (oops), links Wikipedia, nourishes
humans regardless of income
20'th December, 2013
09:44 Why is an avocado like a writing desk?
09:51 @jujuwoman Indeed.
11:44 Avocado celebrates Pussy Riot's freedom, or, A
Tweet-Sized Collection of @tedcruz's Worst Fears Made
Real
11:46 New year, new avocado. Otherwise, yuck.
13:48 Avocadology
13:50 @daveedgatguac Daveed! I'm running out, but I hope
you're doing great. And nice ink.
December 2013 / 66
14:46 Avocado's collection of metadata about you has never
stopped a terrorist attack, and it would be ludicrous, if
delicious, to suggest it had.
17:01 Avocado knows you're doing a lot, knows things are
tough and money is tight, will leave this here for use
or sharing: http://t.co/b7KGicqggp
18:00 @chuck_elderuk @hannaelder Lovely traditions get gold
stars.
19:05 @ashhesss_ No. :(
19:06 @alexwheatleyy SO LOUD THIS IS WHY I ONLY FOLLOW
OTHER FOODS
19:07 @ashhesss_ No idea. It isn't fair.
19:15 RT @sunshineNwater .and a lime green avocado facial
mask forgiveness anger music dancing happiness no
expression disappointment joy fear
23:24 Avocado on a plane could not be reached for comment.
21'st December, 2013
11:38 .@yaseminwilson Let's thank @iamyourguy together for
bringing that into our lives. (And if we're left on the
tree, we stay ripe for weeks.)
December 2013 / 67
13:51 One anagram for "avocado winter solstice" is
"Dancercise via owl toots," which is the way avocados
traditionally celebrate it.
14:04 @ohheygreat ilu2 leah and thank you for shopping at
the farmers' market
21:37 Avocado learned everything it knows about electronic
music from Delia Derbyshire and a series of lucid
dreams in 1987.
22'nd December, 2013
00:29 Avocados can't handle this level of pride and
excitement, @samir, leading them to explode on the
tree. Look what you've done.
09:59 If avocado and queer humans aren't represented in
media—including emoji—we all spend extra characters
and time to prove we exist.
10:00 Avocado uses em dashes sparingly and passionately.
14:31 Need a gift for someone you barely know? Give
avocado. You'll immediately find out a lot about that
other person.
December 2013 / 68
23'rd December, 2013
12:50 Avocados make terrible wheels for city or highway
driving.
15:25 You can use an avocado to store and transport pens,
chopsticks, scissors, needles...I think we both get the
point.
21:55 A tone will sound when the dryer senses avocado is
dry. The tone means it is time to buy a new dryer and
never, ever open this one again.
24'th December, 2013
00:23 Avocado is the reason for the season (avocado season).
09:24 Avocado cookie recipe: combine butter, sugar, egg,
molasses, salt, and let avocado watch. Bake until
cookies. Share with avocado.
15:14 Deck the halls with avocado Avocado la, la la la la Porch
the stairs with avocado Avocado la, la la la la
21:01 "Offended Livers Hurl Ow" is both an anagram of "five
hundred followers" (!) and a reminder to eat avocado
for its imaginary detox powers.
December 2013 / 69
25'th December, 2013
01:19 Avocado: 1 Mayans: 0 (Decembers enjoyed after 2012)
01:32 @DaveyBarrett @ohheygreat Yay! Avocado only wants
you to be glad, Leah and Davey, so has everything
avocado wants already.
01:36 @DaveyBarrett @ohheygreat also unexpected trumpet
players, though, maybe, too, and car rides
07:41 Today is human Christmas, but for avocado it's another
day when life is confusing and people need love.
Gently squeeze them.
17:11 Have yourself a merry avocado. Let your heart be
light.
26'th December, 2013
01:08 @mhyx0 Avocado loves love.
10:51 Avocado's an excellent, succulent esculent.
http://t.co/JRGTWJmLat
30'th December, 2013
15:41 Avocado's resolutions for 2014: 1) Avocadvocate for
avocado emoji. 2) Resist engaging that US Senator, who
also lacks his own emoji.
December 2013 / 70
17:07 Avocado has resolutions for 2015 and each year
thereafter until 2147, when avocado…has already said
too much.
31'st December, 2013
15:05 Next year, "avocado" will be pronounced "gif." That's
it; you're saying it right. The G in avocado is as hard
or soft as you need it to be.
17:01 @peterpanzouis Happy New Year, and here's to powerful
avocado emoji activism from @Applebees in 2014.
20:00 Avocado is a hit at parties, but at heart it's an
introvert who likes trading snack recipes quietly with
a few close friends.
21:06 @pinkdeedle It's sad from this side, too. Next time!
21:33 @withabang You have avocado's favorite name since
@TexasFuckface. Happy New Year to both of you!
http://t.co/bUNLpSCv0X
22:30 The Times Square Ball was originally covered with
hundreds of avocados, but crystals and lights turned
out to be more visible.
December 2013 / 71
2014
January
1'st January, 2014
01:27 @schmit_carly @xxhannahxx1305 Hdjdcnsjbxdjsks is an
incredibly good transliteration. Happy new year!
12:50 It is truly a renaissance, or "bath time," for avocado.
18:27 RT @TomatoNation Happy new year, everyone! Please
reconsider any resolutions that are about how you suck
in some way. xo
18:28 The exception to that RT is any resolution to suck
more delicious avocado into your gorgeous human face.
22:37 An avocado allergy is only someone having trouble
dealing with avocado's love, plus a lot of very
complicated biochemistry.
22:38 I'm just a fruit, standing in front of an immune
response, asking it to release a less than fatal amount
of histamine.
January 2014 / 72
2'nd January, 2014
11:11 Avocado keeps a little sticker over its webcam because
it has high-level government contacts and is usually
nude.
13:19 Be the fierce avocado realness you want to serve in the
world. -Cher, probably
13:45 @oliviabruh Aw,
. Avocado wants you to enjoy the
full range of human life experiences, Olivia. Please love
some people, too.
14:34 RT @Meeshy82 I'm growing an avocado plant and it
may be the cutest thing I have ever seen.
http://t.co/eLD4pdSsWc
3'rd January, 2014
00:10 Avocado is a moment of uninhibited frolic, incapable
of putting together simple phrases, a good way to get
yourself I.Q. loss and thrills.
09:55 Avocado never bullies, because bullies are insecure and
avocados are fruits.
14:26 Remember, there's a
and a
, but no avocado. This
is why we #AvocadoEmojiFriday
January 2014 / 73
4'th January, 2014
14:33 . @kiekschi There are no inappropriate emotions about
avocado.
15:55 The hollow left after removing an avocado's pit is
known as a "glory hole." #LoveOneToday
6'th January, 2014
06:03 High-definition torrents of last night's avocado are
now widely available.
06:47 "No one was injured." Warning: image shows extreme
carnage, probably should not be viewed
http://t.co/i4syzF5EYu http://t.co/8W3OkmO2QC
09:16 "It is not by prayer and humility that you cause
things to go as you wish, but by avocado." - Bertrand
Russell, mostly
13:40 When there was only one set of footprints, that was
when you carried avocado. Two, too. Avocado is a
portable snack for groups of any size.
19:42 @reachguest Trust is a delicate thing, and avocado's a
spreadable fruit, if that helps at all.
19:48 If the temperature near you is especially low today,
boil an avocado, then throw it at the wintry air. That
will show it.
January 2014 / 74
19:54 @martynaYAbish A retweet by you is a roller coaster
ride of emotion, michael bolton.
20:05 @HaggertyT @daisy_woodward @eleanor_g_ …making
you an organ avocadonor.
7'th January, 2014
00:04 What did one avocado say to the other avocado? The
highly profitable prison industry seems to be
corroding human society.
00:41 @martukasss NO ONE. EVER.
00:54 @NellaMekheil Then be a strong, independent woman,
backed by the validation of a tweeting avocado, who
smashes the patriarchy to the ground.
09:54 A one-inch layer of avocado mixed with pillow
stuffing will keep the cold and other would-be
attackers at bay.
12:31 Every avocado hopes you know this exact recipe:
http://t.co/Bz8fsAOmYJ
12:53 Avocado is one of the Americas' foremost public
intellectuals. These things can be looked up. They're
facts.
14:29 Avocado on the beach au Théâtre du Châtelet
#Einstein2014 http://t.co/Z9XxMbolT6
January 2014 / 75
15:06 Avocado knows the feeling of a prematurely
air-conditioned supermarket.
16:44 It is like that could get mr bojangles a railroad and I
reach you it could be very fresh
8'th January, 2014
00:16 Not breaking the law is less important to avocado than
not failing not to balance negatives incorrectly.
02:13 Fiona Apple is right, and an honorary avocado.
10:53 absolute victory over cares and death obviously
13:34 @eirrann It seems to be sunlight. OH, I SEE.
13:37 alimentary vegan option, capricious, a decorator's
oracle
14:05 @aaron_est_laced Sleep is important, too, Aaron.
16:27 Avocados don't belong in closets. They belong in your
heart. Avocados are not afraid of the dark; they're
trying to make a point about inclu
9'th January, 2014
11:03 Imported avocados were charged with guarding ancient
villages' lizard pits; so avocado gained its modern
nickname, the alligator au pair.
January 2014 / 76
12:01 RT @RealAvocadoFact https://t.co/vXgZOB38PL
14:21 Please choose only one each time, though. RT
@VeganUp: Skincare you can eat every day = Avocado
14:51 RT @ian_aronson avocado is essential to thriving.
14:54 @harvestpoon Sorry not sorry
14:59 @Gavreloss Avocado respects proper medical training
very much.
10'th January, 2014
11:30 A big tune for #AvocadoEmojiFriday by @Jah9
http://t.co/L19sg9JoFC Emoji representation is
another right remedy.
11:35 @Adjaniis Tack <3
15:51 @bleeinternets @Juliet_Shen Avocadvocates.
15:57 Avocado is a great disturbance in the Force.
Thoroughly great, though. Nobody dies. Not on
avocado's watch. Avocado has lost its genre.
15:59 @Tikus09 @xvoffo Kartoffel http://t.co/4WDy1FX8oa
#AvocadoEmojiFriday
January 2014 / 77
16:11 @BravoJuice No, your organs would fail after a while
because of nutrient deficiencies. But avocado loves you,
too.
16:36 @omgsydnee The only thing wrong is that now you
have less avocado to eat later.
16:37 @rxdberryzouis @colasex You can still plant it in the
ground to grow fresh avocados.
16:45 @madali0n
16:51 @pizzacum thank you, pizzacum
16:53 RT @noahWG It's illegal in 26 states and Mexico to
throw away any perfectly fine pieces of avocado
leftover on your plate.
17:10 @JoJoistheway
to you, too.
17:34 Avocado for no particular reason wishes to point out
its ground-breaking work toward obtaining an avocado
emoji.
22:24 Avocado is ranked 21 in #nonhuman tweeters, tied
with @PerezHilton and @onedirection. They are human.
Do the right thing: see avocado's bio.
22:28 @BadgerFactory a noble effort, but not good enough in
a world containing
and
January 2014 / 78
22:34 @BadgerFactory Avocado emoji means never having to
say you're sorry.
23:12 Avocado's interview as an "info graphic" and as a "web
page:" http://t.co/SOL6U9gCEa
http://t.co/byRJkGuwsy
23:44 @KaatttttD @DontQuit_GetFit Chestnut, but yes
http://t.co/QxMJ64iWkk
11'th January, 2014
00:01 @Winnie_Byanyima Next year, guava friends! Next
year.
01:02 @KaatttttD @DontQuit_GetFit ☁️
01:16 @pinaykimberly Kim. Mine was also splendid.
01:32 @lilsobie13 @TayyClinee
Such a fruit. Not even a
little bit a mammal. Good luck out there.
13:59 Avocado filled in for Mr T on one episode of The
A-Team and has never heard the beginning of it. Not
one viewer noticed. Zero blog entries.
15:26 Avocado has
s of real facts and a mission to get you
avocado emoji. Time for RTs & noms, avocadopals. *too
much extroversion! lying down*
19:14 @HassAvocados (ô) > ∞
January 2014 / 79
19:48 Avocado defies the following laws as often as possible:
gravity, apartheid, attraction, L.A. (unless Jimmy
Smits is on), and coles.
12'th January, 2014
10:10 Please tweet your nomination if Avocado is your
favorite non-human Twitter account:
http://t.co/TGnrM58MxG Avocado's only goal is emoji.
10:54 @mairinrochford can't even guess, better just tell
avocado
11:00 RT @mairinrochford @RealAvocadoFact it's my
birthday
11:02 @mairinrochford Avocado celebrates you.
11:28 Avocado celebrates you, yes, you, reading these words,
breathing the same life-sustaining air that ripens us,
wearing your most festive peel
11:30 @EscapingNewYork perhaps you'd like to travel to the
link in my bio
12:57 Bad ad for avocado: we're only on your plate because of
centuries of imperialism and tricking humans to farm
us in the first place, but YUM
12:59 @eddiepepitone Avocado is a fan:
https://t.co/U6VgJ5jDot
January 2014 / 80
13:40 @jarfrankel Animals aren't what they used to be.
15:27 Avocado has surpassed @justinbieber in the #nonhuman
category, still lags behind @beyonce. Tweet your
nomination: http://t.co/SOL6U9gCEa
15:30 @edsheeran @goldsolace @meganandliz @mishacollins
@adrianbliss @thechrisdalo Avocado could use your help,
humans: https://t.co/5Dq0rQypUm
15:32 @reeddeming @greysonchance @wesleycandotti Avocado
could use your help, humans:
https://t.co/5Dq0rQypUm
15:38 "That you are here—that life exists, and identity; That
the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a
verse." W. Whitman, to avocado
15:52 @toxicwxnderland me
15:54 @teleidoscope Is there a Lin who is better than Yunnie
Lin? It seems unlikely.
16:04 @thisisab Sorry Avocado missed this; here's some light
reading: http://t.co/zzjQsFSu7V
19:45 Avocado lied earlier when it said its only goal is
avocado emoji: Avocado is also promoting human smiles.
19:51 @jeremymeyers usually inside
January 2014 / 81
19:56 RT @Smackktastic @x3theREALnickiM only weird
people smile at avocados
20:10 Paint two avocados yellow, then squint. #GoldenGlobes
13'th January, 2014
00:25 @em_quezada Aim higher, Em. We can do so much
more.
02:15 @em_quezada
03:03 Avocado stands/wobbles for empathy and dignity.
Consider giving to MSKCC if you can; be good to people
either way: http://t.co/KqS5qOfs3D
13:10 Most Carole King songs come from the hours she
spends gazing at avocados, musical talent, avocado's
whispered suggestions, and chance.
13:28 @jeremymeyers Would have whispered louder that day,
but avocado was a little hoarse and sipping soup. It all
worked out.
13:29 @JamesSykes101 please forward
13:33 @MellaTops No one is alone.
13:40 @MrAdamWarne @JamesSykes101 please forward this
one also
January 2014 / 82
13:48 @jeremymeyers Hoarseness and sipping are states of
mind in avocados. One day I am yellow, one day I am
blue. http://t.co/otZ0UAUGVJ
14:53 Avocado makes it creamy; @RealCarrotFacts, delicious.
MT @EatNutritious: delicious, creamy dressing: mix
together avocado+carrot juice
17:13 If you think avocado deserves a place on
http://t.co/HIjZStYKwZ please visit the link in
avocado's bio and tweet your nomination.
19:22 avocado vocadoa ocadoav cadoavo adoavoc doavoca
oavocad "Avocado for 7 Voices and Knife" Music: Philip
Glass | Lyrics: Avocado
14'th January, 2014
08:32 Avocado is a sculpture in the museum you get too close
to and the alarm goes off but you don't even feel
embarrassed because you connected.
10:03 Why are you following avocado when there are elves
fluent in Aztec MT @qikipedia: Avocado gets its name
from an Aztec word meaning testicle.
10:05 @ryanmongeau Ryan Mongeau is so good.
12:04 @yayitsrob Avocado emoji, human sir. The people
clamor for it. Can you help y/n
January 2014 / 83
12:09 RT @yayitsrob This is now the great cause of my life.
RT @RealAvocadoFact: @yayitsrob Avocado emoji,
human sir. The people clamor for it. Can you help y/n
12:09 @yayitsrob tyvm
12:12 @yayitsrob Avocado favors an equitable distribution of
wealth and only has one staunch opponent in the
Senate. V. doable.
12:44 @mary_kate716 With mary kate. I’m lucky
13:13 @abbey_250 talk shows, horseback, etc.
15:06 Avocado's motto is MAKE OF THAT WHAT YOU WILL,
which in Latin is harder for most people to read,
nowadays.
19:09 Avocado tries not to use derogatory language for
groups of people, and would never sort women into
"basic" and "non-basic" cohorts.
15'th January, 2014
05:48 The avocado will rise at 7:59 AM and will set at 4:22
PM.
06:37 @JoJoistheway If avocado had hands, they would do
this for you right now:
but avocado only has love:
January 2014 / 84
07:59 Avocadorise
10:43 Avocado exercises its power by constructing its own
narrative about using avocado in a problematic space to
resist and explore avocado.
11:03 (ô) >>> ∞
11:46 Avocado twerks for enjoyment while reading Dorothy
Roberts.
15:49 Avocado started a newsletter before humans began
recording history. Each issue sprouts groves of new
avocado trees or feeds the hungry.
16:22 Avocadoset
16:46 Someone else has already had the idea of including
avocado in tonight's meal, so that idea isn't available to
you. Please try another idea.
16'th January, 2014
13:05 While growing on its tree, avocado positions itself
using Earth's magnetic field, the angle of the sun, and
whimsy.
13:21 Avocado insists upon the Oxford comma.
14:39 @alanafinewoman I'll never let go, Tina Fey.
January 2014 / 85
14:54 @_nadiaxo Just fighting for what the world needs,
Nadia: avocado emoji. Go to the link in avocado's bio to
help.
20:23 @ryliee_mariee Different people like different things,
Ry. It's OK.
20:29 Avocados will be more expensive this year unless you've
cleverly planted your own or are involved in organized
crime.
17'th January, 2014
13:28 #teamavocado is terrible at volleyball, much better at
reading quietly on cushions.
18'th January, 2014
00:13 The vector sum of the forces on an avocado is equal to
the total mass of that avocado multiplied by the
acceleration of the avocado.
07:09 @LucyRotberg It looked yummy.
07:44 "It is not the form of avocados that must be attended
to but their spirit." -José Martí, mostly
10:41 @gkneeisme @dan_h
13:23 "'tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own avocados"
-Shakespeare, given more time and/or hallucinogens
January 2014 / 86
16:19 These gluon-gluon interactions constrain avocado fields
to string-like objects called flux tubes, which exert
constant force when stretched.
22:11 Sundance gifting suites can get generous with the
avocados or get right out of town.
19'th January, 2014
08:55 Aristotle rhymes with avocado if you want it to,
rappers.
20'th January, 2014
13:29 @Andreynielsen André
13:31 @Andreynielsen tack så mycket
21'st January, 2014
06:49 Expect 7 to 12 inches of avocado beginning this
afternoon. Avocado flooding is possible in low-lying
areas including coastal regions.
06:51 @globalmalik That one should be framed and placed
next to the gorilla.
06:53 @globalmalik Art requires sacrifice.
January 2014 / 87
22'nd January, 2014
10:23 Avocado as a food is much less impressive on a first
date than avocado as a musical instrument.
23'rd January, 2014
03:34 #tbt http://t.co/PGYlyV52qV
17:09 #tbt (Source: avocado's photographic memory &
http://t.co/lk0XV7yxFU) http://t.co/jjFz7612pW
21:40 Avocado begs you not to watch "Panda Loves Avocados"
on YouTube. **DON’T WATCH IT.** Anyway, Avocado
misses those slobbery gomphotheres.
24'th January, 2014
09:00 @darth do you like avocados darth y/n and happy
friday darth (ô)
10:01 In 99% of the world, there is still no avocado emoji. Is
that fair, that the 1% should enjoy it while you don’t?
No. #AvocadoEmojiFriday
12:19 @KENDALORR I appreciate your honesty.
12:27 Avocado pit juices make correct moral judgments about
bacteria in human stomachs, then murder the bad ones.
Fact. https://t.co/hNlUwlooVx
January 2014 / 88
12:27 @KENDALORR Avocados are unable to take offense! We
are fruits.
12:37 @Lorennyy_ It has about 14 milligrams, but I feel for
you.
12:44 @Plummer1229 Sorry, Joey. This probably isn’t
helping. Sorry.
14:25 Avocado's free mail service is when you pick an avocado
from a tree and share it with someone and no one
intercepts the avocado. It's up.
25'th January, 2014
10:01 Avocado isn't invited to Sochi, because it's a fan of
mutually consenting adults doing anything and a fruit
without athletic skill.
26'th January, 2014
10:32 RT @christianryan_ @RealAvocadoFact
http://t.co/oNRw2daEq5
10:33 @sadbabymatt I like your name, Shit Baby Trash Boat.
It's very musical.
10:40 RT @HarryMoooon @RealAvocadoFact that is what the
emoji should look like.
January 2014 / 89
10:46 Avocado cites its sources. Etsy seller SnailAndCicada
produces avocado's future emoji:
http://t.co/zHfFn3yDVM http://t.co/hYAcGY9BSJ
10:48 @_stephanymarie @christianryan_ Yes:
https://t.co/GDm12eqWAH
27'th January, 2014
05:32 Thank you, @RunwayHippie, for
http://t.co/a6dK7xnnKG
05:37 Avocado thanks @vanlancker for doing a remarkable
and nearly complete job.
09:21 A study too small and limited to merit reporting, done
with Hass Avocado Board money, found that eating
avocado may satisfy hunger.
09:22 Here is a RealAnyFoodFact: Eating any food may
satisfy hunger. Avocado thanks its Board for their
time and dismisses them to better things.
09:38 @globalmalik I'm sure this makes sense to you.
09:41 @globalmalik Never let a complete misunderstanding of
avocado's reproductive cycle get in the way of avocado
enjoyment.
January 2014 / 90
15:10 Every avocado is a chance to make outrageous slurping
sounds near a stranger in public. This can be read as
another RealAnyFoodFact.
20:16 @yoabbaabba
22:11 @_stephanymarie @itsjennscarlet Not weird. That is
beautiful.
28'th January, 2014
09:55 Have you felt a feeling about avocado today? You may.
11:52 Avocado widens smiles. Avocado peps steps. Avocado
inspires joy. Avocado robs banks. Avocado trades in the
dark. Avocado erases memory.
15:14 Avocado is an annual spectacle where a President is
applauded, but not for the commission of war crimes.
Avocado will be televised.
15:17 @jgeady You’ve described the ideal reaction to avocado.
15:20 @EscapingNewYork That’s not how television works,
but I hope it was yummy.
16:58 How would it feel to answer a rhetorical avocado?
17:01 @jarfrankel What was that like for you?
January 2014 / 91
18:30 @getsyntext Hi syntext, there shouldn't be an
apostrophe in "lets" on your web page, but I'm glad
you like emoji too.
29'th January, 2014
12:17 Racism is a complex web of personal, interpersonal,
institutional, and systemic activity. Avocado can be
enjoyed while dismantling it.
16:56 Avocado peels do not block radio waves and so provide
no cover from signals intelligence agents. Their use as
phone cases is cosmetic.
17:13 @getsyntext Thank you very much! Avocado humbly
requests that its emoji looks like this:
https://t.co/GDm12eqWAH
17:14 RT @getsyntext @RealAvocadoFact We fixed it! Thank
you for looking out! We will make you an Avocado
emoji
17:48 @askBilal yes
18:04 @jarfrankel How can one describe the feeling of
cradling life itself, Jarrett? I can only say it was an
honor.
18:09 @jarfrankel Did I? Isn't it? People are very strange
these days.
January 2014 / 92
18:51 @jarfrankel No anti-human sentiment intended. Please
forgive avocado its poor expression. Strangeness is
celebrated. Language is new.
19:27 @TLBenware Welcome, Tyler. You may find yourself
taking larger breaths, as the air is so rarefied up here
in High Twitter. Be not afraid.
19:33 @tessa_cleary It was very complimentary!
19:37 Bonus exercise, @hardassworkout: stand on the pit with
one foot as you eat, strengthening your abs & senses of
balance + existential terror.
19:45 @RosaliaCef There is much here to consider, Rosalia.
Thank you.
20:28 @RosaliaCef I want you to feel better soon, Rosalia, but
now your experiment has too many variables.
20:30 @rosaliacef OK, OK, we can fix this. Share the chocolate
ice cream with the avocado and…something's wrong, oh
no, feels like the fever's tak
20:32 @rosaliacef …whew. Luckily, avocado has antiviral
properties and you'll be fine in no time, a victory for
science and Rosalias everywhere.
20:38 @RosaliaCef This could be hallucinations. Keep pushing
the fluids.
January 2014 / 93
30'th January, 2014
10:37 We're both alive at the same time, @steveroggenbuck.
(Group hug an avocado and you will have new friends
right away.)
14:55 'Hug an avocado, wash another shirt.' -traditional
avocado saying Before shirts, it was 'Hug an avocado.'
15:16 Few things lower avocado's spirits. The tradition of
white supremacy underlying modern American culture
is one, though.
16:13 .@NudelmanMike did a very good job on emoji for
@daily_kale, while avocado waits patiently outside of
business. http://t.co/0nDjQIEafd
17:29 Tomorrow is #AvocadoEmojiFriday, when only deep
introspection and a commitment to change can
#FreeBieber–or anyone–from them #selfie.
17:29 @harrymoooon That is an idea avocado has now tried.
31'st January, 2014
19:20 TGIF (This Garment Inspires Ferociously) (Source:
http://t.co/3Lve3ohQLT) http://t.co/NVhCGupTRv
January 2014 / 94
February
1'st February, 2014
13:40 Look what the humans made, cabbage friend
@realcabbagefact http://t.co/2ZZJNfiYY5
http://t.co/FLTleYaQ7H
14:58 @thekitchn Has anyone made a complete salad of their
wedding party yet? https://t.co/sDCLcfSczD
2'nd February, 2014
07:41 Avocado as sacrament, television as altar, viewer as
supplicant, player as intercessor, mortality as ever
08:29 Avocado roots.
13:22 Avocado has caused no degenerative brain trauma this
year. Ball's in your court, football.
14:26 @jaeibeau It is avocado's pleasure to inform you that
you have won today.
14:27 @jaeibeau today
3'rd February, 2014
February 2014 / 95
07:14 Make a Super Bowl of avo…too late; l'esprit de l'avocado.
Private prisons are still devouring America's youth,
especially youth of color.
08:37 @comecrywithme Avocado agrees and feels it cheated a
little, but scraped by with the use of "devouring."
08:37 RT @comecrywithme @RealAvocadoFact this tweet was
less about avocado and more about the sinful social
structures in our society that promote imprisoning
PoC
08:45 .@comecrywithme Avocado should make it clear that an
open, free human society is not a hidden agenda, but a
long-held hope of all avocados.
08:50 @AbbaRaptor Good morning, Abby.
08:58 @abbaraptor Aw, thanks! You're a really great Abby.
08:58 @xsailorvenusx Good morning, cosmic Hans.
09:40 "That’s right: We’re on our way to the Internet of
Plants." You'll be welcome upon your arrival, @wired.
https://t.co/PhUsYPfs6O
19:55 @_____rgm Avocado will just sit here on your
Twitter doorstep for a moment and then leave you in
peace.
19:55 RT @sassyatlaw Siri, 3D print me an avocado
February 2014 / 96
19:58 @hannah_renea_b Hate is a terrible thing, especially
directed at innocent fruits.
21:41 @sassyatlaw It was a strong tweet, Sassy.
4'th February, 2014
08:12 Treating any human as less than any human man
harms every human. Patriarchy smashes like avocado:
tasty on toast w/ gender binary smoothies.
11:21 Good morning, avocadvocates. Good afternoon and
evening, other avocadvocates. Sleep tight, remaining
avocadvocates.
13:53 Avocado is edible. No, fallible. Indelible. Avocado cannot
be erased. Acceptable, respectable, presentable, a… nope.
It's getting unbelievab
16:05 Avocado prefers labor to capital. (No pockets.)
20:37 Avocados don't watch television, being fruits. Apropos
of nothing, evolution is how you have avocados to
enjoy today. It is a fact.
5'th February, 2014
10:28 @ruthreichl No, Ruth, you mistook your own radiance
for the morning's.
Bon voyage, mon sucre d'orge.
February 2014 / 97
10:30 @jarfrankel Frankly more concerned that she
consumed two of these http://t.co/j4FQWIZRJe It
seems far too much protein for one meal.
12:42 Genghis Khan never ate an avocado. Makes one think.
16:23 While avocado emoji remains the most important
thing, consider that patriotism may consist of
obedience to principles, not to a government.
6'th February, 2014
18:08 What are some uncertainties humans have about
avocados?
18:11 @veganmolly Nothing does, Molly. It's OK.
7'th February, 2014
16:11 Avocado can never remember: http://t.co/caDHau7VUh
http://t.co/08OnF321Nt
9'th February, 2014
09:43 All around the avocado, the monkey chased the weasel.
The avocado asked them to stop, and no one died.
12:08 @JoyceCarolOates joyce carol
February 2014 / 98
10'th February, 2014
15:54 "With hurricanes it's not the wind / or the noise or
the water / …it's the mangoes, avocados"
http://t.co/WS0gjnRI8B
11'th February, 2014
11:15 @krystalnlc YOU'RE amazing.
14:06 Once an avocado, always an avocado. Exception: avocados
who are wizards
14:19 @yhlnbby only facts, sorry
14:23 @sunggyunlc Avocado's love for you goes beyond
mentions.
14:43 @mtvkeith It is an option: http://t.co/T38Z7CPuhU
17:35 RT @rgov Feeling sorry for the least popular emoji,
according to http://t.co/Nb3pdM98UV. Cheer up, lost
suitcase.
17:48 @ittsrebekah Thanks for your avocadvocacy.
17:52 @harrymoooon Of course! It's certainly not the sole
exception.
,
February 2014 / 99
12'th February, 2014
09:43 Avocado senpai notices all of you. Avocado senpai will
be your valentine.
09:45 @naeunlc Hello.
15:06 Think for a moment of oysters, the avocados of the
sea.
13'th February, 2014
09:39 “@InStyle: Fill in the blank and your answer could be
in an upcoming issue! _Avocado_quoits_ is the new
workout to try.”
12:01 As Sondheim and Avocado always say around Valentine's
Day, "No one is alone." A powerful surveillance state
operates daily.
13:59 AVO > TUM > YUM
15:07 #tbt http://t.co/1NwCuwXa4n
14'th February, 2014
10:08 #canceltheinterview, @CNN & @chriscuomo, feel
shame, then use your voices to amplify stories of
courage and mercy. #LoveOneToday
February 2014 / 100
10:11 For RealAvocadoFact, I am Avocado, and today is
#AvocadoEmojiFriday. Our top story today: there is no
avocado emoji. Let's take some calls.
10:12 RT @H00dNiggaz um.. why isn't there an avocado emoji,
i'd like to know
10:12 RT @jennn_pineda there needs to be an avocado emoji.
10:12 RT @beccfriedman Avocado just makes everything
better also why is there not an avocado emoji
10:13 RT @hayleyyhutson @RealAvocadoFact omg I was just
saying there needs to be an avocado emoji !!! you are an
inspiration
10:50 @ChrisCuomo "2014 is the year to #dobetter"
#CancelTheInterview
12:35 Roses are red Violets are blue Avocados are green This
is easy Things are colors Love is chemicals Words are
symbols Power is power
12:45 RT @stopbeingfamous Nature really did something
when it made the avocado.
12:50 @yayitsrob Happy Human With Epilepsy Saint
Valentine’s Day, Rob.
12:55 @ohheygreat Happy Human Saint Valentine Of Whom
Very Little is Reliably Known Day, Leah.
February 2014 / 101
12:57 @ohheygreat That is a much harder question than any
avocado can answer for you, Leah, with apologies.
12:59 @ohheygreat there are also questions of mass
incarceration, access to healthcare, systemic racism,
etc., but avocado takes your point
13:01 @ohheygreat aw leah
13:18 @lizzdick
14:59 @mishker Mishka please take it easy this weekend.
15:31 @austinderpmurd Which one?
15:34 @austinderpmurd I only follow foods, but you seem
like a good human who will get along fine, except
please stop using 'gay' as a slur.
15:49 @austinderpmurd @mmmichelaaa Avocado is friends
with every human, even the ones with avocado
allergies, which can be a problem sometimes.
16:13 Avocado eases depression. Avocado enhances desire.
Avocado strengthens relationships and hair. Avocado
begrudges no one their transference.
16:15 @Cactus_Carlton Not with an introspective nature like
that, Carlton.
February 2014 / 102
17:39 666 followers; a rush of cold air; mysterious facts
driving unseen forces; a sense of dread mounts; HAIL
SAjust kidding! Make good choices.
17:42 RT @Rachel_RatedR Nothing is more romantic than
matching Avocado tattoos. <3 http://t.co/qK8MeKKW2r
18:00 @HardbodyHoff @Rachel_RatedR Do most human
seedlings grow inside the male, Kyle? Humans are so
complicated. Avocado tries not to overthink.
15'th February, 2014
10:44 There are pervasive stereotypes about masculinity and
femininity that serve no one. An average avocado
serves two.
10:46 @ellenpage You are good.
16'th February, 2014
09:52 Does avocado run marathons silently, disguised, for the
pure thrill of overcoming personal challenges? The
answer, in 6 hours, may surprise.
12:17 @carlykphillips @t_shel94 Good morning, Carly &
Tyler. Avocado is a fruit, but this may interest you:
http://t.co/X9gQwGgnWH
12:18 @t_shel94 @carlykphillips Voice recognition technology
has advanced quite a bit since the Aztecs were around.
February 2014 / 103
12:22 Avocado's pronoun preference is that they are used
with respect for the human lives they represent.
12:23 @carlykphillips @t_shel94 Thank you, Carly and Tyler!
14:08 @tobey_sama I hope you feel better soon, Tobey.
17'th February, 2014
09:05 Things to watch instead of @cnn: clouds going by,
children at play, paint drying, interviews with people
of color denied justice, avocados
13:50 In this episode of Avocado's podcast: Avocado sits
quietly on the table for 63 minutes while friends smile
at it. Next episode: ?
15:42 Somewhere, a publishing intern struggles through an
email promoting a management book. An avocado waits
forgotten nearby, powerless to help.
17:36 Asteroid Zipping by All Earth's Avocados and Humans
on Close-Approach http://t.co/CO6ODcdfTh (We are
not in danger, unless we are.)
21:31 TERMINUS Those who arravocado survavocado.
22:26 Avocado is a flat circle, too, if flattened by something
circular. Avocado has a copy of Flatland to loan Time.
Read it again, Time. Again.
February 2014 / 104
18'th February, 2014
06:26 "Whether the avocado is a 'new' one remains quite
superficial and is of no importance." Martin Heidegger,
mostly
06:44 "Those who idolize 'facts' never notice that their
avocados only shine in a borrowed light." Ibid.
06:55 Dasein is an amino acid supplied primarily by avocados.
We found it in Japan. Markets don't sell it, and white
supremacy is always wrong.
10:45 The flood of nominations Avocado has received shows
the urgent need for avocado emoji:
http://t.co/SOL6U9gCEa Thank you for your support.
10:53 .@official_chad Thanks for your interest, Chad.
Avocado has already submitted the attached proposal to
the internet: https://t.co/GDm12eqWAH
10:54 @official_chad careless giant ground sloths, but that's
water under the bridge
13:27 RT @gehirnkotze Nudeln mit Avocado sind übrigens
ziemlich sexy.
13:38 @ImMoeAwesome @jarebear129 This is true.
14:35 @Harryreallywhy No, Mart; everybody makes mistakes
sometimes.
February 2014 / 105
14:37 @moralessssssss what
14:49 Today, everywhere, you can pay what you want for
avocado. Leave a desire behind. Leave money, too, if
your desires haven't been appraised.
20:30 If one sandwich has eight avocados and another
sandwich has none, you don't create equality by doing
the same thing to both sandwiches.
19'th February, 2014
10:58 Wednesday, right? Avocado knows, but your human
body's aging, failing systems don't. Death is coming.
Avocado makes lunchtime funtime!
17:12 Avocado was bested by @Beyonce in the #nonhuman
@shortyawards—more a confusing honor than a setback
for the avocado emoji movement.
18:26 Good choice, Terry. Well done, Eric. Ben…you are
probably a nice person, too. https://t.co/v71wJWcGAr
19:45 If avocado is denied legal rights or consideration,
commonly considered less than others, or soaked in a
cask of beer, #itgetsbitter
19:50 @comeatmefro You're lowercase will grayson! So for
you, it might get better.
February 2014 / 106
20'th February, 2014
09:17 Anywhere. Where can avocado be helpful today?
Avocado's still a little dizzy, apologies:
https://t.co/v71wJWcGAr
14:18 Avocado is rich in monounsaturated fats and, through
a quirk of history, doubloons.
23:14 Avocado made a list: 1. hugs 2. dental hygiene 3.
macaroon friends! 4. sunshine filtered through leaves
5. avocados Please enjoy the list.
23:22 If you don't have macaroon friends as you start
reading this fact about avocado (it is greenish), you
have them now! http://t.co/MNsD0TM39k
21'st February, 2014
09:17 Hi, #avocadoemojifriday, I did not see you arrive, but
maybe you came on one of these 10 trains:
or a dirigible yurt
09:20 "dirigible yurt" should probably be
.
〰 or maybe
,
but that is not a fact about avocados.
#avocadoemojifriday
11:32 21F, the birthdate of militant avocado emoji radicalism.
RT @KayGardiner: No #avocadoemoji no peace!"
#AvocadoEmojiFriday
February 2014 / 107
12:13 Avocado seems to be the only fruit on Twitter who
supports Pussy Riot. Ну, фрукты-друзья? Давайте.
Second fact: Avocados know some Russian.
14:25 @addalittlefood "The only weapon that we have in our
hands this evening is the weapon of protest. That's all."
MLK, Jr, possible avocado fan
18:17 Avocado is classified as an obscure later Mozart work
by orderly people who don't know what 'synesthesia'
or 'hallucinations' are.
18:25 @o_fishel Daniel, that is a cat, and mental illness is a
perfectly normal part of life.
21:34 Avocado is pro-vaccination, of course, because avocado
has been around for thousands of years and sees more
of you living longer, humans.
22'nd February, 2014
11:21 Heavy Metal Avocado Lot: lower carbon footprint,
more vitamins, at least as metal.
12:47 From what Avocado has read poorly, there is a serious
security flaw in a closed-source golden toilet.
12:55 @evakalikoff @alex_godin Bacon is the avocado of fish,
by that logic.
February 2014 / 108
13:59 To enjoy the feelings of physical activity and total
victory, play with an avocado. We are poor at sport.
14:05 @Ont_Ombudsman Sir, may I please raise a complaint
that imagery of this quality is used for fishing, not
avocados? http://t.co/cyr3nf3oiv
22:07 I met @SavorySimple when she was 19 years old,
sitting in a small dimly lit Italian restaurant in
London. http://t.co/qq8drpH2Am
22:10 (Those recipes should also work with avocados that are
younger than 10,000 to 2.6 million years old.)
http://t.co/Ds5YcToIRA
23'rd February, 2014
11:40 RT if you like avocados or if they're never going to
find enough evidence to pin anything on you. Fav to
alleviate a lifelong sense of guilt
11:45 RT if you think mass incarceration sounds terrible but
you want your friends to suggest more productive
ways to approach it. Fav if they do.
11:47 RT if you weren't aware of the hashtag
#protectthezone until now and want your followers to
start talking about women's safe access to care.
11:50 Avocado wants you to have a nice day as a free human
among other free humans. #RealAvocadoFactivism
February 2014 / 109
14:39 Conquistadors now travel to their new colonies by
conference call instead of sailing, but avocado
recognizes them: http://t.co/0MN4XWxTx3
15:06 Avocado has agreements with @comcast and @TWC to
keep these tweets flowing like @netflix until the
people's independent mesh network arises.
15:09 Whatever you're passionate about, @TWC invents better
ways to love it even more. They are torturing avocados
every day; please send help.
17:15 Are you facing a difficulty that a tweet from an
avocado could make better? Here you go.
17:20 @jlms_qkw I hope you feel better soon, Jenn.
17:22 @ayalapepon No problem, Bad Luck.
17:32 @clutchbucket Thanks, José.
17:37 To the human who just added Avocado to a list called
"Flugscheiben und HAARP:" avocado's afraid not.
17:58 @pigelle Avocados rely on humans for propagation.
18:03 @spicy_marmot @clutchbucket That song includes
disappointing ideas about avocados and mental illness.
18:53 @PixelHunt @Pretendbeard I hope you feel better soon,
Ken.
February 2014 / 110
19:02 @comecrywithme
™
19:49 @Ont_Ombudsman So many friends. Honor their
memories, sir.
19:52 @kitten_arms Your friend is silly.
20:04 @brainpicker When someone—your @brainpickings bot,
for example—declares avocado "shouldn't exist," that is
very hurtful to avocado.
20:11 Piers Morgan's replacement could be an avocado placed
on a desk for an hour while people with little power
tell viewers about their lives.
21:02 @MaxJakobovits @amandatfranklin @ricochet606 All
true.
21:30 @ZoeQuinnzel Hi, Zoë, and thank you! Depression Quest
was inspiring. http://t.co/Lid8kGK1p0
21:38 @youve_gotMEL melissa
21:55 @thegriff15 @youve_gotMEL merryGRIFFmas, such
hostility from someone so festively named
21:56 @youve_gotMEL You are super.
22:00 @youve_gotMEL Could you please let merryGRIFFmas
know there are no hard feelings? Thank you.
22:02 @thegriff15 @youve_gotMEL avocondolences
February 2014 / 111
24'th February, 2014
08:49 @buzz_clik @ZoeQuinnzel Avocado is full of surprises
and nutritious fats.
09:25 Being gay in public is against the law in Russia,
Uganda, and maybe parts of Arizona. Being an avocado
is not. Avocado is willing to trade.
09:38 Lawmakers who feel compelled to criminalize harmless
human behavior: make a law about avocados instead.
We'll cope, and you'll have a law.
10:03 When avocado is outlawed, only outlaws will avocado.
('Outlaws' used to be those deprived of the benefit and
protection of the law, btw.)
10:46 Avocado's disrupting toast, innovating in the ice cream
& coffee spaces, instigating a revolution at the
intersection of bubble tea & farms.
10:52 @ifcportlandia Ahem.
11:46 @Zoe_Mode It's important to explore and discuss
boundaries, Zoe. Keep up the good work.
11:48 @Laurie_March New friends!
12:11 @ifcportlandia Sorry, humans. Avocado knows you all
like different things or have terrible, dangerous
allergies that make you upset.
February 2014 / 112
12:30 Congrats on Shorty noms, @davidlebovitz @Food52
@TheFoodLab @sortedfood @taviao @jamieoliver &
@chowandchatter. Remember our backroom deals.
12:44 @LiftLiveLove Dear michelle, that is very nice of you
to say. <3
12:54 @rory_macdonald Well, not everything. Hope you feel
better soon, Rory.
14:17 "The ‘utopian intention’, which is, for Bloch, the real
‘motor force of history’, may be found in avocado" -L.
Panitch & S. Gindin, mostly
14:37 @JaneTV Where did you last see it? We can solve this.
14:44 @priyankasanand Girl, the only vitamin this avocado's
lacking is U.
14:45 @JaneTV :( Well, we can try again tomorrow. <3
15:16 @Sasha_Verb Much obliged. This is a proper avocado
topping: https://t.co/zvLSrNqeKT
15:30 @z0inks_ Cupid Alyssa, avocado thinks you're making a
joke, but if not, there are people and tropical fruits
who care about you.
16:18 @nytdining For Avocado, Itself
February 2014 / 113
17:51 Avocado is a good way to say, "I am unfamiliar with
the traditions governing meetings in this place, but
have only the best intentions."
19:58 Avocado will remain in public life for 20-30 minutes,
retire from public life for about 12 hours, then
return to public life tomorrow.
@RealAvocadoFact's tweetbook
Created by
@RealAvocadoFact's tweetbook
Created by Avocado
(Includes tweets from 02/24/2014 till
03/28/2014)
@RealAvocadoFact
Avocado
Persea americana, fruit, avocado emoji avocadvocate
Central Mexico, etc.
@RealAvocadoFact's tweetbook
Contains 359 tweets tweeted between 02/24/2014 and
03/28/2014.
Created on 28/03/2014 by http://tweetbook.in.
Be a tweetbook.in sponsor.
/1
2014
February
24'th February, 2014
09:49 @buzz_clik @ZoeQuinnzel Avocado is full of surprises
and nutritious fats.
10:25 Being gay in public is against the law in Russia,
Uganda, and maybe parts of Arizona. Being an avocado
is not. Avocado is willing to trade.
10:38 Lawmakers who feel compelled to criminalize harmless
human behavior: make a law about avocados instead.
We'll cope, and you'll have a law.
11:03 When avocado is outlawed, only outlaws will avocado.
('Outlaws' used to be those deprived of the benefit and
protection of the law, btw.)
11:46 Avocado's disrupting toast, innovating in the ice cream
& coffee spaces, instigating a revolution at the
intersection of bubble tea & farms.
11:52 @ifcportlandia Ahem.
February 2014 / 2
12:46 @Zoe_Mode It's important to explore and discuss
boundaries, Zoe. Keep up the good work.
12:48 @Laurie_March New friends!
13:11 @ifcportlandia Sorry, humans. Avocado knows you all
like different things or have terrible, dangerous
allergies that make you upset.
13:30 Congrats on Shorty noms, @davidlebovitz @Food52
@TheFoodLab @sortedfood @taviao @jamieoliver &
@chowandchatter. Remember our backroom deals.
13:44 @LiftLiveLove Dear michelle, that is very nice of you
to say. <3
13:54 @rory_macdonald Well, not everything. Hope you feel
better soon, Rory.
15:17 "The ‘utopian intention’, which is, for Bloch, the real
‘motor force of history’, may be found in avocado" -L.
Panitch & S. Gindin, mostly
15:37 @JaneTV Where did you last see it? We can solve this.
15:44 @priyankasanand Girl, the only vitamin this avocado's
lacking is U.
15:45 @JaneTV :( Well, we can try again tomorrow. <3
16:16 @Sasha_Verb Much obliged. This is a proper avocado
topping: https://t.co/zvLSrNqeKT
February 2014 / 3
16:30 @z0inks_ Cupid Alyssa, avocado thinks you're making a
joke, but if not, there are people and tropical fruits
who care about you.
17:18 @nytdining For Avocado, Itself
18:51 Avocado is a good way to say, "I am unfamiliar with
the traditions governing meetings in this place, but
have only the best intentions."
20:58 Avocado will remain in public life for 20-30 minutes,
retire from public life for about 12 hours, then
return to public life tomorrow.
21:31 Avocado feels grateful to share your time. Even with
finite moments slipping steadily into the past, here we
are together. Slip. Thanks. Sli
25'th February, 2014
08:15 @mariancall Very happy birthday, Marian!
08:17 RT @mariancall This is my birthday week. The box of
avocados has arrived. They will dictate the date of my
celebration. http://t.co/12PSzjtJhn
08:33 Avocado's true loves number three: brave humans,
smooches, knife safety.
09:39 Avocado's hatred sits lonely. Avocado's hatred: bigotry.
#AHB
February 2014 / 4
10:05 Avocado recognizes all forms of sexual relations
between persons and so avocado is violating Ugandan
law. http://t.co/ycyYDlcFIM #AHB
10:08 Avocado's strongest wishes for comfort and hope go to
humans without the privilege of violating this
Ugandan law with impunity.
#AHB
10:14 Humans should know that if they want a happy
birthday message from an avocado on Twitter, it is a
free service Avocado and @twitter provide.
10:16 @lauraaa_alicia You're the greatest laura alicia avocado
has ever known.
10:24 @geekymae Happy eventual birthday, Mae!
12:06 THE AVOCADO IS TO BE CHERISHED -@jennyholzer,
mostly
14:37 RT @MzVanessaM Why is avocado extra?! Why cant my
happiness be free..why!
16:32 REVOLUTION BEGINS WITH AVOCADO IN THE
INDIVIDUAL -Ibid.
17:19 Take avocado's quiz! WHICH AVOCADO ARE YOU? (The
quiz is a trick. You are you, which is enough.) IT'S A
TIE! Ota/Hass http://t.co/kXnGNg6zGz
17:52 @ElleSlaterr Some do. Most don’t.
February 2014 / 5
23:46 ICYMI: Avocado made a QUIZ. Find out who you would
be if you weren't you: https://t.co/1RdPkAu8G4
23:49 @emho_11 Emily, you have admirable hobbies. That is
all. Apologies for any confusion.
26'th February, 2014
09:41 Things you and avocado enjoy differently: spooning,
@jason_mraz, guacamole, solar power
12:48 Fresh avocado makes a good snack, a great icebreaker, a
terrible judge of icebreakers.
15:11 Your experience of avocado is valid, but it is not
universal.
15:17 @tomburns Hello, Tom. Do you find the new
interactive view controller transitions in iOS 7
compelling?
15:25 @tomburns Agreed, and every Radar you file to that
effect will be an enormous help. Please also mention
avocado emoji.
18:17 Bad ad for avocado: Turn any dish "California-style"
while ignoring hundreds of years of deadly invasions
that led to your meal, with ease!
February 2014 / 6
19:27 RT @anne_theriault When you translate Futurama's
Single Female Lawyer into French, it could totally also
mean "single female avocado." This is what occupies me
19:28 @erinsopran @anne_theriault @rljd Many thanks to all
for their good work!
21:56 @savvysassymoms Let me know if I can help with
anything.
22:10 THIS FRUIT KILLS FASCISTS and sometimes pets so
definitely be careful who eats your avocado.
#AvoAwards
22:18 "blood avocados" may be worth a quick search in your
favorite search engine before you shop for avocados
from Mexico. #AvoAwards
22:26 Slice avocados with piano wire, lasers, or an especially
long fingernail for an extra sense of accomplishment.
#AvoAwards
22:41 The #AvoAwards churned on for seven weeks before
reaching equilibrium: a deep sea of exclamation marks,
the letter M, and longing.
22:44 RT @Keep_it_mello @RealAvocadoFact I thought you
were kidding but now I have been enlightened
February 2014 / 7
23:04 The #AvoAwards afterparty is a fun place to discuss
how to make Palestinian children safer by dismantling
the apartheid ruling their lives.
23:16 @squirrelbeebz Thank you, Beebz; what a nice squirrel
you are.
27'th February, 2014
11:04 You don't need an avocado slicer. You need oxygen. You
need to hold and be held by other humans. You need to
cover your webcam.
11:48 All communications between avocado and human
mouths are encrypted with a secure algorithm
(Dual_EatingChew_DifficultReversalBiteGenerator).
13:02 Journalism, like avocado, is not a crime. False
imprisonment is a crime. War is a bit of a crime. Mass
surveillance: crime-ish. #FreeAJStaff
14:41 It was dark. #tbt
15:29 @elliegrimsey BE STRONG YOU CAN DO THIS
15:33 RT @frankcifaldi I think the Yahoo! Food headline
"This Changes Everything: Put Curry Oil on Your
Avocado Toast" might be exaggerating a little
February 2014 / 8
19:36 Today we #FreeAJstaff. Tomorrow we
#AvocadoEmojiFriday. One of those is very, very
important for freedom and justice. The other one is,
too.
20:47 After a very long wait, it was less dark. #tbt
28'th February, 2014
09:44 @comecrywithme @uberfacts Friend UberFacts knows,
of course, that the same is true of the umlaut.
09:51 @mattsbunny @uberfacts It is possible to believe
anything has aphrodisiac qualities. Avocado lets the
humans decide what excites them.
10:37 You have all the latest Tweets. This tweet is the very
latest. Now another tweet has happened. Avocado is less
fresh. So it goes.
14:11 Is the avocado emoji your favorite? Trick question; it
doesn't exist yet. #AvocadoEmojiFriday
16:27 Avocado makes divine flap-doodles with a little brown
butter or a vegan alternative.
20:23 Got that Big Avocado fav. Fact: avocados are bad at
human geography, only vaguely aware of California's
existence. http://t.co/zUzVE5TYJW
February 2014 / 9
March
1'st March, 2014
00:04 @cooldeathcruz No, and your concern might make you
an even better one.
11:59 Avocado’s rolling its own megaresponsive frameworks,
preprocessing its stylesheets, making up words,
yumrupting your nutritious hackfast.
19:52 When you're cooking with avocado, the possibilities are
finite!
23:39 Avocado can be poisonous to dogs, misogynists,
warmongers, those who threaten the weak, racists,
homophobes, transphobes, and some birds.
2'nd March, 2014
11:42 If a celebrity dresses as an avocado tonight, the words
to use are "daring," "stunning," "well-intended." Be
very careful with "chartreuse."
12:03 @harrysighs me avocado
13:02 RT @humansofny It ain't easy. http://t.co/J18gCODo3F
March 2014 / 10
13:46 Avocado is available to be the Official Savory Fruit of
your awards show, conference, symposium, or
nondiscriminatory people’s movement.
14:19 Is avocado the Official Savory Fruit of #rightscon?
The answer, which is yes, may surprise you.
16:14 Does anyone following Avocado have the power to
freeze oligarchs' bank accounts? Asking for a friend.
Only hours until #Oscars2014!
16:45 @evagiselle Holden Caulfield's allergic reaction to
avocado chic
19:46 And the winner of the #Oscars2014 for Best Food is…
…Avocado! @TheEllenShow, the Avocademy, this is
truly an honor. http://t.co/tYHf9pjfZ6
19:59 Avocado thanks its parents, which were the same
flower at different times of day, and its producers,
bees. Also Chelsea Manning. #Oscars2014
21:15 Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope, Though
films you most enjoy content them least? Let avocado
change your state. #Oscars
21:56 @chef_keller @vanityfair @bouchonbh Thank you,
Chef.
March 2014 / 11
22:00 #WhereIsFruitvale MT @jarfrankel: Best supporting
actor goes to…. @RealAvocadoFact! Congrats!
https://t.co/iQKB4dimD4 http://t.co/BMpncvsiGp
23:12 Avocado’s returning its #Oscars with heavy pit. The
Academy has no relation to our world, where
@DirtyWars and @TheActofKilling were made.
3'rd March, 2014
09:03 Breakfast is for script kiddies. Real net riders sudo rm
-rf their hunger with a cybernetic avocado hackfast.
13:12 Russia has announced what time tomorrow it plans to
seize power in Ukraine, and avocados are fruits. Both
are facts: http://t.co/NRnMQf2bNo
13:51 @conormwalsh @lokishe correction: Avocado is a fruit
that opposes imperialism, but to little effect. It needs
humans to act wisely.
17:45 Avocado slices can be used as bookmarks, but that
doesn't mean they should.
18:42 RT @jayytdee If anyone else would like to learn from
my mistake: putting an unripened avocado in the
microwave does not in fact ripen it.
March 2014 / 12
4'th March, 2014
11:38 Some prejudices are more obviously cruel—for example,
'Avocados spoil too fast on purpose to hurt you'—but
every prejudice is lazy.
11:41 Avocado is the only fruit that will throw
overgeneralized shade at vague misgivings.
14:57 Cable news looks less like a morass of content
controlled by the same corporations distributing it if
you fill your cable box with avocado.
15:06 @marybindc That's not fair; you might also be dead or
another plant without access to Twitter.
17:34 .@anamariecox @abeaujon @juddlegum To put this news
in perspective, *everyone* will stop serving guacamole
once the air explodes.
17:41 RT @emorwee SUPER IMPORTANT EXCLUSIVE: Chipotle
Warns It Might Stop Selling Guacamole If Climate
Change Gets Worse http://t.co/e8oJSvi8qv
#holyguacamole
17:41 @emorwee Thank you for your work.
17:49 .@njwarrer What you may have meant to tweet is that
worsening climate change is an incalculably huge loss
for every inhabitant of Earth.
March 2014 / 13
17:54 @njwarrer For every avocado, the need for higher
guacamole standards is second only to the need for
equal representation in emoji.
19:11 @mattkbh @climatebrad One small correction: global
warming hates everyone. Avocados and humans both
have sun-drenched skin in this game.
19:54 RT @ohheygreat MAJOR CRISIS I do not know most of
these avocados who will pay for me to travel and eat
them and write about them http://t.co/06K8sLUWkp
20:05 @time @emorwee literally warned you about this today,
TIME. That's what led @davidwinograd to copy and
paste her investigative work.
20:08 @emorwee Now avocado is sad that humans in your
field are apparently terrible at giving credit to others
where due. https://t.co/74MftrDkCm
20:58 Avocado heals (sickly dry toasts), feeds the hungry
(who ask for avocado and then are given some), raises
the dead (about four inches).
23:15 A reminder for humans: the offers at
https://t.co/uGXGWICCer and
https://t.co/mBgmJ986U5 do not expire.
March 2014 / 14
5'th March, 2014
09:23 @emorwee Emily, this is shameful. Let me know if I
can huffily tweet at news stations or help in another
way, such as poisoning plagiarists.
10:00 On this date in avocado history: it seems unlikely, but
nothing happened. Today, though, March 5 becomes
The Day Avocado Changed Journalism.
10:01 Avocado will completely change journalism in one hour.
10:59 Avocado will begin changing journalism in one minute,
finishing seven minutes later. Thank you for your
patience while journalism changes.
11:00 Yesterday, @emorwee read boring SEC filings and
transformed them into http://t.co/RmyzYhikJx to
make humans think about climate change.
11:01 Avocado and @emorwee have never met, but she’s a
journalist working at the intersection of climate and
guacamole, so we are already friends.
11:02 Avocado withdraws its support from all lunches at
@TIME and @nbcchicago, which have each used
@emorwee’s work without naming her. Please RT.
11:03 (Avocado has never supported the lunches at Drudge.
Drudge serves green toothpaste as avocado and puts
scare quotes around climate change.)
March 2014 / 15
11:04 Until credit is given * by name * in a subhead for all
investigative journalists’ work on copy/paste-jobs,
avocado may poison plagiarists.
11:05 It took less than a minute of searching to find
@emorwee’s name and use it. Large content generators
should feel shame about their laziness.
11:06 Tweeting a journalist’s work w/o mention when the
journalist uses Twitter and there is room in your tweet
may make your avocados rot, @TIME.
11:07 Thank you for your support on this, The Day Avocado
Changed Journalism.
11:10 “I didn’t follow this avocado on Twitter to read this
nonsense! I expected facts,” thought real human beings
as they tapped ‘Unfollow.'
11:13 @emorwee This is a fact avocado confirms from a
different IP address than Emily's, nerds.
11:14 RT @MikeRiveraOk You know, it could be the sadness
from the end of The Year of Luigi talking but I'd be in
full support of The Year of @RealAvocadoFact
11:24 @RealAvocadoFact @emorwee @JuddLegum You've been
quoted in my #Storify story "The Day Avocado
Changed Journalism" http://t.co/wbrMposVsk
March 2014 / 16
11:24 @TIME @nbcchicago You've been quoted in my #Storify
story "The Day Avocado Changed Journalism"
http://t.co/wbrMposVsk
11:27 .@eater We JUST went over this, Eater National's
Hillary Dixler. http://t.co/bjqZWgAkh6
11:31 @hillarydixler You've been quoted in my #Storify
story "The Day Avocado Changed Journalism"
http://t.co/wbrMposVsk
11:35 @koronet @emorwee What if Emily is recorded while
an Avocado tweet appears, her hands and today's paper
visible in every frame?
11:36 @koronet @emorwee There's no way she could possibly
have scheduled such a tweet with TweetDeck, so the
plan is flawless.
11:59 @aarongell You've been quoted in my #Storify story
"The Day Avocado Changed Journalism"
http://t.co/wbrMposVsk
12:16 @anamariecox Thanks again for alerting me to
@emorwee's work. I've followed up on it here:
http://t.co/bjqZWgAkh6
12:41 @RichardBlais @JuniperandIvy Thank you, Chef.
12:56 @biggayicecream @eater Et tu, Big Gay Ice Cream?
March 2014 / 17
13:04 @biggayicecream @eater Avocado sea salt caramel
milkshake; please and you're welcome.
13:08 @biggayicecream Let's leave @eater out of this, and it
looks like you've already got a little green in your
swirl. [Avocado's first sext]
13:15 @biggayicecream Good. Let's make Twitter stronger
with sweet #brand #synergy. Let's integrate our
verticals. I want to leverage your big, ga
16:30 I'll tell you a story Of Jack Avocado; And now my
story's begun; I'll tell you another Of Jack and her
brother, And now my story is done.
18:37 @emorwee Emily, I think I didn't change journalism
enough, even though it's changed forever. Journalism
is still dumb about some things.
19:11 @emorwee If that's not the pot calling the avocado
underfollowed, this kettle doesn't know how to ruin a
metaphor.
20:26 Avocado changed journalism forever today, The Day
Avocado Changed Journalism: http://t.co/bjqZWgAkh6
21:43 @chrissachrissa This sense of yours is intriguing, and
bears consideration.
March 2014 / 18
21:51 @chrissachrissa If your sense of the world tingles in
ways that take >140 characters to describe,
realavocadofact at gmail will work.
22:16 Regarding today's shameful acts: @nbcchicago deleted,
and @time recycled, unattributed tweets. Avocado
wishes @emorwee well-earned rest.
22:20 @comecrywithme You're welcome! and it's good that
you exist, too.
22:28 If there's another field of human endeavo(u)r that you
think avocado could change forever, please inform
realavocadofact at gmail dot com.
22:55 @biggayicecream #alwayswobbly
6'th March, 2014
00:44 @readingirl You seem nice. Why more credit to the
human who took a picture of a Chipotle sign than to
@emorwee, who wrote the story?
00:49 @sweetnesssnark @salon …and/or all life on Earth, but
who wants to internalize that? Avocado too prefers
light-hearted water-cooler chat.
01:32 The lifetime ban on blood donation for men who have
sex with men is discriminatory and not based on sound
science. Avocado is neither.
March 2014 / 19
01:35 @B_Schmidt Hi, Bree Schmidt. You're good people.
Avocado appreciates your help. Don't work at Hooters
if you can avoid it.
01:36 @Filmbaker Thank you, Ryan Baker! You have correct
opinions, and they should be rewarded with praise.
01:38 @alter_oana Avocado wants all the humans who can to
help all the humans in need. Thank you for your work!
Sorry about discrimination.
01:38 @filmbaker You are correct, and they should listen and
be persuaded!
01:40 @b_schmidt That is certainly the most important issue
at stake, and you are to be commended. This is
commendation.
01:44 @healthygirltip Avocado appreciates your support! It is
very nice of you.
01:55 @silvijavilj Silvija! Avocado is stunned and honored. This
is a first. Thank you so much!
01:59 RT @SilvijaVilJ @RealAvocadoFact <3 this is my fan art
<3 http://t.co/FgPkwc4Qlu
02:07 @silvijavilj Silvija, your video's description says you
"can't sing really," but the song says to tell you if
you're wrong. You're wrong.
March 2014 / 20
02:18 @map_maker Thank you for your support. It's kind.
Sleep will come soon, maybe. Avocado hopes for the
best.
02:23 @silvijavilj You're entitled to more confidence that you
can, if you want.
02:26 Good night, Avocado
11:30 “What kinda rinky-dink smugglin ring you runnin
here, Waldo? I gotta buncha empty shells an old rocks
in half these crates.” #tbt
12:16 Avocado retains its value even if someone makes a
typo.
13:49 @jennieHO We are in any crisis we wish to
acknowledge. Are we near extinction? Who isn't?
13:50 RT @Matt_Duke Little-known fact that's untrue:
"Afternoon Delight" is actually about an avocado.
14:05 @chaneldalirifar Frankly, Chanel, the proportions look
off, but that was very nice of her to do.
14:22 .@FastFoodMaven @ChipotleTweets That hype is far less
important than the real danger of global climate
change. But what does an avocado know
16:24 @Foodbeest @Seamless Correct.
March 2014 / 21
16:30 Anyone stockpiling avocado in case of a shortage is
invited to avocado's webinar, How Avocado, a Perishable
Fruit, Works. $750 per seat.
16:32 @LennonEdwin Oh no.
17:09 @ahemphill @suzanneyada Hi.
17:18 @JustinHammnd @MyNameIsJen It was one of today's
best real avocado facts, Justin.
17:34 @_Kaaathaa Es ist einfach Liebe.
17:40 @MarcellaCorynne Hi, Marcella.
17:57 @schimpyy_schimp Furniture!
18:11 @MillerTracyL Happy birthday, Tracy! Oh happy day.
18:13 @MillerTracyL I will be with you always, Tracy, in
your heart and occasional salads.
18:29 @patrickdjoyce So very true, thank goodness and
@manzanitafire.
19:03 @libbyballs Please send my love.
20:45 If you’re working on your sobriety, you have all
avocados' support. We are untweetably proud of you.
Keep going.
21:10 @schimpyy_schimp Ice cream sundae!
March 2014 / 22
21:11 @schimpyy_schimp Avocado might say the same. Do
you have dietary restrictions, Alexa?
21:15 If you're in a closet and it's dark and you're not feeling
safe to come out, you have all avocados' support. We
know you're not wrong.
21:18 @schimpyy_schimp Here are some options to consider,
in any case: http://t.co/gdo2R11RkM The ice cream
sundae was a serious suggestion.
21:49 @bugeye58 Jeff, an avocado on Twitter cannot end a
drought, but it can wish you better luck at the market
next time. Good luck!
7'th March, 2014
00:39 Nine out of ten truth-eaters reported equal or greater
satisfaction after switching to avocado, proving one
can't win them all.
00:49 "Shade and Support For All" is avocado's new motto.
@Keep_it_mello
01:48 @tofu_product Hi, tofu. Is there anything you need?
01:55 @tofu_product That's true, and it's good to see that
they tend toward non-violence. I lost you there at the
end.
02:00 @tofu_product tofu NO
March 2014 / 23
02:01 RT @tofu_product @RealAvocadoFact Avocado thanks
announced what time tomorrow we
#AvocadoEmojiFriday. One of a crime.
09:12 @tofu_product What issue concerns us (avocados, tofu,
and humans) most today? aside from
#avocadoemojifriday
09:13 @tofu_product Oh.
09:20 @tofu_product Right, that's already done, tofu.
09:22 @tofu_product Thank you, tofu.
09:26 @Hay Thank you, Mike. Brevity is the soul of other
plants, probably.
09:30 Today: gratitude and recognition for human
endeavo(u)r, even though so far that doesn't include
making an avocado emoji #avocadoemojifriday
09:37 If you know someone who needs congratulations from
an avocado on Twitter, send their username &
achievement to realavocadofact at gmail.
09:39 @daveaddey Hi, Dave. Good morning. Do you write
emoji?
09:49 @daveaddey Here is what avocado is thinking we should
do, let's say around 1F37D: https://t.co/GDm12e9TyH
March 2014 / 24
09:53 @daveaddey Avocado has also found historical
references to Mayan avocado glyphs, and makes them
available to stodgy consortia.
10:01 @tomburns This is just to say Yes.
10:02 @daveaddey Thank you, Dave!
10:03 @koronet @emorwee We're still not. Also, fruit.
10:05 @micherreri Congratulations for making it through
the week and loving avocados!
10:07 @PykeA @koronet @emorwee No, and language is in
your wheelhouse, humans, whatever that's supposed to
mean. Wheels are also your thing.
10:30 @Hay @daveaddey False dichotomy! There's plenty of
credit for everyone. Avocado is happy to help.
10:43 @emorwee Your new bio is the best bio.
10:46 @tomburns It's not too personal, it's just that avocado
hasn't done enough introspection to know that yet.
10:59 @OMGitsSEDDIE thanks, glasses mcgee
11:00 @tomburns Now we're edging toward personal space
boundaries that seem worth honoring.
March 2014 / 25
12:22 @PhakeJakeHowell You should be immensely proud of
yourself for making French dip sandwiches for the
first time. Avocado is proud of you.
14:22 Humans: splitting atoms and exploring space for
decades. Well done. Avocados: still unrepresented in
emoji #avocadoemojifriday
14:38 @jarfrankel The poo emoji exists today, wrought
through spectacular effort and millions of years of
galactic history. Avocado abides.
14:46 @jarfrankel Avocado meant more the invention of
languages, agriculture, manufacturing, electrical
engineering, and so on.
14:49 @jarfrankel Avocado also appreciates the rich history
of sphincters. Consider the giant ground sloth. No
offense intended.
16:11 Avocado appreciates the rich history of sphincters.
Consider the giant ground sloth, without whom none
of us would be here (in this tweet).
16:31 @TheNoodleFacts Sorry, Noodle. That is not a real fact
about either of us.
16:32 @tofu_product That was good advice earlier, tofu.
16:33 @tofu_product Hooray for bees!
March 2014 / 26
16:34 RT @tofu_product @RealAvocadoFact I didn’t for your
nutritious hackfast. enjoy differently: humans: the
INDIVIDUAL -Ibid.
17:20 Marijuana is a distant cousin, and avocado wishes
humans would all be sensible about it.
17:47 @azabiannights That’s not fair, Azabe. Some people are
allergic.
18:19 @LadyeK @wilw It depends on the dog. Some are OK
with small amounts. Love is a battlefield.
19:26 Tomorrow is International Women’s Day. By Avocado’s
count, the other 364 should be women’s days for many
years, if you’re to break even.
21:07 @whitewhines @CollegeHumor It showed.
22:03 @bcrypt Avocado is honored. Thank you.
23:10 Some of Avocado's current interests: journalism
https://t.co/bRXITAa2Wp congrats
https://t.co/IDuODEg6U3 suggestions
https://t.co/LSBfaBzu4l
8'th March, 2014
01:14 @lizzieskwrl Oh, Liz. Be easy: http://t.co/8oUIZTW9aN
02:10 @tofu_product You're a good tofu, tofu.
March 2014 / 27
02:13 @tofu_product But weren't you arguing earlier that no
one can truly be in control of the content produced or
consumed in this environment?
02:15 RT @tofu_product @RealAvocadoFact Fresh avocado is
available to make humans think about their laziness.
11:51 Avocado listens to women.
13:42 A nutritious reminder from @EllenPage and Avocado
on International Women's Day: https://t.co/zhjutc371w
16:32 #normcore http://t.co/g5OsRP97pc
16:43 Avocado enjoys some human trends, such as fashion
and science, but not others, including patriarchy and
white supremacy.
17:42 @slamdunkass https://t.co/6oSmANBw5E
9'th March, 2014
00:42 Draw a circle on a sheet of paper. Close your eyes.
With the dreamers busy, let's Avocado and you talk
about dismantling a police state.
01:35 @tofu_product OK, tofu, they seem to be on board
with your idea to take down the police state. Remind
me what the next step was.
March 2014 / 28
01:40 @tofu_product RIGHT. I'm to become the Official
Savory Fruit of influential conferences, fests, etc.
Thank you for the reminder.
01:41 RT @tofu_product @RealAvocadoFact Avocado thanks
its parents, tofu, and some birds. Women’s Day.
01:49 @Alice_Wilder Hi, Alice. Does @SPARKsummit have an
Official Savory Fruit? Avocado is available for a
reasonable honorarium (free).
01:52 @Alice_Wilder @SPARKsummit OK, well have your
people email me, an avocado, at realavocadofact at gmail
and we'll figure this thing out.
01:55 @bcrypt Hi, Yan. Does the EFF have an Official Savory
Fruit? Avocado provides that service to organizations
working in the public interest.
02:24 Why not take Avocado's quiz to pass the time until the
time passes on its own: https://t.co/1RdPkAMhUc
02:27 @bcrypt Avocado is 100% as serious about this as you
are and a certified Open Source Food.
02:33 @fugueish Hi, Chris, I don't see anything when I type
chrome://official-savory-fruit , but it's probably
because this is Twitter.
March 2014 / 29
04:05 @fugueish Oh, good, thanks! I liked your recent posts,
too. Guess how you download an avocado safely. ˙ǝǝɹʇ
opɐɔoʌɐ uɐ ɯoɹɟ ʇᴉ ʞɔᴉd no⅄
08:00 Today Avocado remembers Wilson Popenoe on what
would have been his 122nd birthday, and feels bad
about imperialism. http://t.co/BUqgL6wdkE
09:00 This is additional Popenoe-and-empire-related reading
for avocado’s nerds: http://t.co/cO997is2q0 Avocado
loves nerds.
12:02 Is avocado the Official Savory Fruit of #SXSW14? Is
@sxsw a for-profit company using thousands of unpaid
workers? One of those is a yes.
12:08 @anamariecox You have an Official Savory Fruit for
life, of course. It's avocado.
12:12 RT @smrtmnky Carrots and avocados got jokes on
twitter
13:43 Feel free to email realavocadofact at gmail with any
topics in human rights or labor law you would like to
see addressed by an avocado.
14:41 @thearchitectskc @sxsw Double no, sorry. Avocado
prefers to be more positive, but.
March 2014 / 30
14:50 @avocadogeorge @thearchitectskc Hi, George, what's
your position on @sxsw exploiting artists and
volunteers while Shingy rides a cannonball?
14:53 @avocadogeorge Avocados can learn a lot, George. We
both know that.
14:55 @avocadogeorge George, of course, just hang on for six
minutes, please.
15:00 Avocado enjoys an ethical Official Savory Fruit gig, but
#sxsw is using thousands of unpaid humans illegally:
http://t.co/zLHbVsyWCT #SXSW14
16:22 @uppastryplate Unpaid labor.
16:38 @primanirules @smrtmnky A little off-topic, maybe,
gerica, but a very real avocado fact! Thank you.
18:19 Avocado's 1000th follower, and every 10th follower
after that, and the rest of you, are invited for some
consensual hugging this week.
18:20 Remember that every hug between a human and an
avocado is consensual, but you need to check with your
fellow humans first.
18:46 @annthurium Does Pinterest have an Official Savory
Fruit, Tilde Ann? I know a good one (it's avocado).
March 2014 / 31
19:11 Avocado likes reinventing things as much as any
arms-dealer-sponsored club of white people, but let's
punctuate. http://t.co/1LpeGczeJv
19:22 @jamiekilstein Nice, working on something similar:
https://t.co/ZfoVFwZSOG You get half of all proceeds.
20:13 @heybeantown OK, this next tweet is for you.
20:13 An avocado carried with you can fix a case of sweaty
hands. Dropping it will pull the water off; you can say
it slipped because avocados do.
20:18 @diffalot I never said that, Andrew. Organ failure is a
very real concern with a diet like that.
20:25 @diffalot Fooled you. We provide complete nutrition,
and now your credibility is shot.
23:19 @peteravalencia Of course.
10'th March, 2014
09:33 @harrymoooon Avocado would never diminish your
good experience, but paying employees is required by
law. Glad you enjoyed it!
09:40 Avocado was also briefly called 'the Mongolian Rodman,'
but it was all a gigantic misunderstanding.
13:10 ( ಠ_ಠ) http://t.co/5zJbu2nOwa
March 2014 / 32
13:13 @PeterAValencia Do you mean…the avocados…employed
to type these tweets? I think there may be some
confusion about what's going on here.
16:15 Side dish ideas: Avocado poppers Avocado zaps Avocado
ruffles Avocado gurgles Talk about income inequality
Avocado flirters Avocado pops
16:25 @katz_emily Congratulations for being amazing,
obviously.
16:32 @carlburton Always a favorite, there just wasn't room.
Had to cover the avocado gurgles and flirters.
18:08 If you can't change something that's bothering you, an
avocado will listen, take it off your mind, and do
nothing with it, being a fruit.
18:50 @JennnHislette @irlgothorita In a sense, avocado is sun
goodshit.
19:50 @feministripper Same here!
11'th March, 2014
08:08 @AmyAllStar Suggestions are welcome. realavocadofact
at gmail!
08:49 What is the nature of your property interests in
Myanmar, @daily_kale? Does Misha Collins have
military ambitions? http://t.co/Tg8J1D5JcD
March 2014 / 33
10:37 @usda_ars If Dr. Obenland would be interested, I have
some stories that speak to 2,4-hexadienal's volatility,
especially in relationships.
10:41 MT @USDA_ARS: Avocados are high in potassium,
fiber, and annual rankings of various groups' Official
Savory Fruits. http://t.co/AZey0visLR
13:24 The first human who leaks that internal CIA torture
report gets a free case of avocados.
13:30 @onekade @DavidMizner Incentivized:
https://t.co/5VfJr6DSbv
13:53 Avocado has withdrawn its support for being a snack
where workers are unpaid. MT @sxsw: Want to relax
and recharge? SXSW has lots of lounges
15:44 MT @WoIIstonecraft: The revolutionary avocado uses a
social media presence to get humans to become more
open minded to subversive ideas.
20:34 Slumber party idea: pass an avocado around until that's
boring, then call officials to tell them mandatory
sentencing minimums are racist.
22:21 @t_shel94 You're my favorite Tyler.
March 2014 / 34
12'th March, 2014
08:25 Should GM executives be charged with murder after a
safety defect cover-up? One thing's for sure: avocados
contain potassium.
15:15 One nice thing about being a fruit is not examining
the intersecting structures of power, oppression, and
discrimination I inhabit. Wait.
17:07 @snwoopn Hi, Snwoopn, have you lined up an Official
Savory Fruit? That is a service avocado provides as a
service (OSFaaS).
18:14 Avocado has an exciting announcement coming up,
humans. To prepare, note how your media objectify &
sexualize girls & young women. Frown.
19:30 @Alice_Wilder Hi, fam! Sorry Alice made you take this
picture, Alice’s sister! You should probably be resting
while Alice brings you treats.
19:54 @coconell14 @Alice_Wilder Hi! That seems like it would
be the ideal snack for you, and Alice seems like
someone who will do the right thing.
13'th March, 2014
00:14 @Alice_Wilder @coconell14 Real Fact: you can make a
small amount.
March 2014 / 35
09:52 Some acts of aggression and metabolic disorders are
caused by a diet that's low in legumes. All avocado is
saying is give peas a chance.
11:36 #tbt (Photo credit: skyseeker on Flickr, CC BY 2.0
license, no modifications. Model: Avocado. Potting
medium: Hermès) http://t.co/Os8u0w9HvE
15:14 Dissent, by definition, is not popular. Popular, by
definition, is not right or wrong. Avocado, by
definition, is a tropical evergreen tree.
17:40 Every avocado's dream is to flower, give more fruit,
and help humanity emancipate itself from global
capitalism.
14'th March, 2014
09:39 Avocado is the Official Savory Fruit of not being
impressed by π. Thank you, @vihartvihart!
http://t.co/TlYXibFNkZ
17:10 Low-wage laborers picked, packed, shipped, and shelved
your last avocado. The money you spent on it isn't
enough to keep them alive. Oops.
17:34 @sadgrrrl808 Pressuring the people who make a living
from avocado sales into paying them more could be
worth a try.
March 2014 / 36
18:38 Oh, and it's #AvocadoEmojiFriday, importantly. RT if
you want to retweet this tweet, and fav to mark this
tweet one of your favorites.
16'th March, 2014
14:06 There is beauty all around / When avocado; / There is
joy in ev'ry sound / When avocado. - John Hugh
McNaughton, mostly
17'th March, 2014
09:25 @__oana @mf_bloom That is not "bad in the kitchen."
That is "a danger to self and others."
11:54 Avocado is all for reinterpreting identities and things
that are green, but not preventable public vomiting.
22:29 Artificial selection, or "breeding," turned the gray
wolf into the avocado of today. Powerful stress
hormones in our brains keep us docile.
18'th March, 2014
09:24 One avocado provides about 14g of fiber, and Wall
Street's bonuses are >>> the total pay of every
full-time US worker making minimum wage.
March 2014 / 37
11:17 Including avocado in "the Mediterranean diet" is a
missed opportunity to talk about colonialism,
@sulliview. http://t.co/mBZ5cOOL2E
12:04 @SirDannyJak Hello, Sir Danny. May I do A, please?
12:08 @SirDannyJak Avocado has no gender, as it is a fruit,
but thank you!
19'th March, 2014
10:06 "Search" and "collection" of avocado mean that you
didn't have avocado, you wanted avocado, and then you
got avocado. Words are easy, NSA.
11:02 @renmauzuo Avocado thinks you should finish what
you start, unless you've started making plastic things
that look like uncomfortable shoes.
11:51 How are you today, humans? Avocado is good.
15:02 @chmarietta It can gently remind you that an avocado
on twitter is probably not the best source of health
advice or effective local policy.
15:09 Hundreds of humans are being evicted from their
homes in San Francisco so Avocado can continue to use
Twitterdotcom. Avocado oversimplifies.
March 2014 / 38
20'th March, 2014
10:23 Avocado will not occupy others' territory, impose
sanctions, or go to war today. It will not invade as
humans or ivy might. It will feed.
10:29 @sksambi In real avocado fact, I cannot.
https://t.co/BFNGEYlTmZ
10:33 @jeremymeyers Jeremy, you could call fantastic
avocado slogans your avocation.
11:14 Avocado remembers its first tweet, and sits by it.
Remember yours? The NSA does, even if your tweets
are private. Oops, @twitter.
11:19 The NSA remembers more than your #FirstTweet.
Since @twitter hasn't encrypted DMs, yours are easy to
collect as ingredients for guacamole.
11:57 Avocado's #FirstTweet as Unofficial Savory Fruit of
@EFF: the first day of northern hemisphere Spring is
part of #SunshineWeek. Shiny.
13:29 Avocado can also be spelled ‫زورون‬, Nourooz, Narooz,
Nawru, Nauruz, Nawroz, Наврӯз, ნავრუზი, नवरेह,
નવરોઝ, or नौरोज़, but not correctly.
18:55 @jeremymeyers Too much avocado pun is never enough.
You avocado you, Jeremy.
March 2014 / 39
21'st March, 2014
06:56 It is, of course, #AvocadoEmojiFriday. Make of that
what you will. Try to use an avocado emoji to make of
that what you will. Oh, you can't.
10:15 Your avocado art (2D or 3D) could win $200 if you can
deliver it to southern California in a narrow window
next week: http://t.co/JaJMO6hLvz
11:07 @emoji_eggplant This feels like a low blow, eggplant
friend.
11:15 Avocado offers one retweet to anyone who can report
on the Fallbrook, CA Avocado Festival on April 13.
Please retweet.
11:31 @_tjh_ Thanks, Terry!
15:15 Avocado mourns Len Francis, celebrating him and
whichever human named their annual revue “Temeculi,
Temecula:” http://t.co/Bb15TwYUX0
18:53 Other avocado-related hashtags: #ACAB Avocado Cures
All Bads #DTF Delicious Tummy Friend #tcot
Thorough Chewer of Things (even soft foods!)
22'nd March, 2014
01:25 Avocados can smell fear, but politely say nothing. It
happens to everyone.
March 2014 / 40
12:06 @annthurium http://t.co/hYAcGXSyQJ
23'rd March, 2014
12:59 "Everything you drop is so tired. Avocado is supposed
to inspire." -Lauryn Hill, mostly
24'th March, 2014
09:22 Henry Kissinger is scheduled to speak Friday at 3:30 in
the Lei Zhang Auditorium in Evans Hall at Yale.
Avocado has committed no war crimes.
09:32 If any Chilean avocado is served at the Friday Kissinger
talk Yale wants to keep quiet, be assured it's done
under duress and without irony.
10:01 Avocados will sit with you for mindfulness practice at
any time. Let's have a short session. 1. Find an avocado.
2. Sit together. 3. Avvvv
13:31 RT @alrighttight there isn't an avocado emoji and it's
2014
13:49 Trying to solve institutional problems on an
interpersonal level is like an avocado kidding around
about war criminals on Twitter.
March 2014 / 41
25'th March, 2014
08:05 @wonderchook Hi, Kate. Does @hotosm have an Official
Savory Fruit yet? Avocado admires your work for
other humans enormously.
10:30 Avocado is a multi-part field piece about the global
economy.
13:56 Want to see something that no one on Earth has ever
seen before? Open an avocado.
17:59 While everyone's making nerd noises, avocado can't
help noticing your hair is on point today. You look
GREAT.
18:10 It's also fine not to have hair. We usually don't.
Everybody looks great.
26'th March, 2014
12:01 Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire I hold with those who
avocado.
14:02 @ElClough Avocado hopes it is no worse than poo, while
certainly being less well represented in emoji.
14:02 RT @ElClough Crazy emoji on my phone (two camels
?), but no avocado. Is @RealAvocadoFact truly worse
than these things?
♨
March 2014 / 42
15:38 @daveaddey Avocado won't ask you to comment, Dave,
but will point out there's no mention of savory fruit
diversity at http://t.co/CuKZizNM4v
18:23 @daveaddey The existence(?) of the Emoji Department
will remain avocado's shining beacon of hope, then.
Thank you, Dave. (Who works there?)
27'th March, 2014
10:16 Avocado won't be silencing or erasing anyone else's
lived experience today. It is a fruit.
16:42 RT @ohheygreat things that can go to hell: - ants - the
collect call system that rips off prisoners' families the flu - ants again - seriously fuck ants
16:44 Avocado makes an effort to focus on the positive, but
both ants and ripping off prisoners' families are very
terrible.
17:03 @tashweenali Thank you, Tashween!
28'th March, 2014
07:58 RT @samirnassar @jilliancyork @KdotCdot Always
encrypt your avocados with PGP
http://t.co/ggxJickpsL
March 2014 / 43
09:18 @thatcaseyquin @emorwee Certainly:
https://t.co/7zHlvBPR8m https://t.co/lZAZUnOddP
https://t.co/LZaNdh1QJw
09:29 You can make someone's day better by being kind.
Avocado can make someone's day better by being.
Advantage: avocado. Oops, no: kindness.
09:31 Avocado can also send people to the hospital, so maybe
kindness wins big here.
10:50 RT @SPARKsummit .@RealAvocadoFact: avocados give
you the essential protein & fiber you need to keep you
going as you smash patriarchy http://t.co/jxy3z724p9
10:57 RT to fight for avocado emoji effortlessly Fav to
smash avocado's dreams into dream-guac while patting
it on the stem #AvocadoEmojiFriday
@RealAvocadoFact's tweetbook
Created by
@RealAvocadoFact's tweetbook
Created by Avocado
(Includes tweets from 03/28/2014 till
06/12/2014)
@RealAvocadoFact
Avocado
Avocado emoji avocadvocate, fruit
Central Mexico, etc.
@RealAvocadoFact's tweetbook
Contains 382 tweets tweeted between 03/28/2014 and
06/12/2014.
Created on 13/06/2014 by http://tweetbook.in.
Be a tweetbook.in sponsor.
/1
2014
March
28'th March, 2014
07:58 RT @samirnassar @jilliancyork @KdotCdot Always
encrypt your avocados with PGP
http://t.co/ggxJickpsL
09:18 @thatcaseyquin @emorwee Certainly:
https://t.co/7zHlvBPR8m https://t.co/lZAZUnOddP
https://t.co/LZaNdh1QJw
09:29 You can make someone's day better by being kind.
Avocado can make someone's day better by being.
Advantage: avocado. Oops, no: kindness.
09:31 Avocado can also send people to the hospital, so maybe
kindness wins big here.
10:50 RT @SPARKsummit .@RealAvocadoFact: avocados give
you the essential protein & fiber you need to keep you
going as you smash patriarchy http://t.co/jxy3z724p9
March 2014 / 2
10:57 RT to fight for avocado emoji effortlessly Fav to
smash avocado's dreams into dream-guac while patting
it on the stem #AvocadoEmojiFriday
11:22 @shishab @tileceleste @sparksummit Yes,
https://t.co/GgUlT8aVl3
11:45 Reminder: Henry Kissinger is speaking at Yale this
afternoon, and avocado has never massacred anyone in
Cambodia. http://t.co/T1X5YnplWb
12:01 @tileceleste Too long, Tile. Too long. Welcome!
13:45 Humans, the sooner you stop objectifying women in
media, the sooner @billmaher can stop making
cautionary tales https://t.co/F0feRSU5ZJ
15:20 It’s #avocadoemojifriday. Please appeal to your local
emoji authorities for their help. We've already
contacted
,
,
,
, and
.
19:12 Avocado's joke about a lack of avocado emoji will end up
reinforcing the problem it's pointing out: [no avocado
emoji] #AvocadoEmojiFriday
20:05 @edyong209 Hi, Ed. We're both somehow not extinct.
Hooray! Does Not Exactly Rocket Science have an
Official Savory Fruit yet?
March 2014 / 3
20:28 @episod Hi, Taylor. Does the Twitter platform have an
Official Savory Fruit already? I know one that's
available & isn't tomato or eggplant.
23:15 @slurpeeniall Happy #AvocadoEmojiFriday, ayy.
23:21 .@tipsforyoudaily You forgot to give @hdhardison
credit for that image: http://t.co/XFDsO2AiLW Nice
work, Heather!
23:29 @freakindopeness :(
23:45 @abbyglas It's true: salads, stable marriages, children's
senses of wonder, houses of cards, skating rinks,
everything.
29'th March, 2014
08:06 "Don't leave me high. Don't leave me dry." -Radiohead,
imagining life as an avocado
12:40 "Yea, though of things written in this style shall
many be nonsense, yet unto the avocado are given real
facts." -god, probably
15:49 Tag me in your avocado pics on @twitter! Those tags
will remind us of fun times together until death
inevitably takes us all. Yay, tags!
March 2014 / 4
30'th March, 2014
22:10 Avocado peels can be treated and stretched into
trampolines for hamsters or very small goats.
22:12 @SquirrelBeebz or squirrels, of course, Beebz
22:23 RT @Mimi_Avocado The first baby avocados are here
already! They will be ready to eat in 2015. #avocado
#farming http://t.co/qtwi6SZbH2
31'st March, 2014
10:18 Avocado takes every hug it can get, uses bubble bath,
writes poems, keeps it cute, is the Official Savory
Fruit of self care & @happierman
10:19 For avocado, "is" is one of the most active verbs
available.
13:13 If you follow Avocado, it's your Official Savory Fruit,
too. That was supposed to go without saying, but here
we are in this tweet together.
13:36 Trans humans are fully human every day, and today is
Trans Day of Visibility. http://t.co/835tP5HmPk
Avocado is good for a @lunchinthepark.
16:31 I thought I had spied some avocado friends in an
otherwise wintersleeping tree in the park. Now I am
stuck up here and these are balloons.
March 2014 / 5
17:04 @jarfrankel Spring will come soon to this tree, or a
farmer, or a fire truck, or something else helpful,
probably.
17:12 @jarfrankel Any port in a storm, but with digestive
tracts and tree-strandings.
20:13 Avocado is taking April Fool's Day off. You've been
through enough.
March 2014 / 6
April
1'st April, 2014
07:00 @GeekyMae Happy actual human birthday, Mae!
16:13 Is everyone having a very hilarious time today?
http://t.co/SM7EO1a5Af is a place you can go. This has
been a real fact without any tricks.
2'nd April, 2014
10:14 "Differences sometimes scare people. I have learned
that some of them sometimes use avocado to hide their
fear." -Lt. Cmdr. Data, mostly
13:15 RT to express valuable agreement / Fav if you like
what @SPARKsummit is doing to fight objectification
of girls, women, & avocados in media.
15:45 Avocado: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and
Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder
(Harmony, $26)
16:21 Harmonize your truest dream song with avocado. Inhale
a tropical bouquet of wonder up your nose. Join a
goodness community. Death is coming.
April 2014 / 7
16:48 Has everyone had time to review the footage of
@billmaher that Avocado found?
https://t.co/seX9l11I0M
#LetsAllHaveAThoughtfulDiscussion
17:04 RT @LisaMcIntire My mom was a futures trader,
thanks. RT @nytimes: How to explain Bitcoin to your
mom http://t.co/TspyC4n1Gt
19:42 @AdultRaverProbs I know you're sad now, Disco Panda,
but in 10-15 years you might have an avocado tree in
your room!
19:43 @oliviabruh OLIVIA HAPPY BIRTHDAY
19:52 Avocado in the streets, avocado in the sheets
19:54 @doeseatoats @wolfpavvs There is absolutely a need for
avocado emoji. This is a real fact.
20:05 @samdangerr @JayXIX We know.
20:22 @daveedgatguac no, Daveed, an avocado
20:22 @daveedgatguac no hands :(
20:27 @daveedgatguac prolly not bc ur not a food but your
texts are really sweet- I like the ones about feelings
and hugs being nice, and flowers
April 2014 / 8
3'rd April, 2014
09:47 Legalize #Nigella.
10:19 The Supreme Court has not yet ruled on sending
unlimited amounts of spoiled avocado to campaign
offices. (The USPS has, though, so don't.)
10:46 @anamariecox Have a great time today, AMC! You'll be
super.
12:07 "Messages with a humorous avocado should not contain
a strong political tendency, so as not to create
animosity in the recipients" #ZunZuneo
15:42 RT @kfortney Libraries who have experience dealing
with DMCA takedown notices, check out (and share
your info with) http://t.co/sgxE3mYI2v
15:43 Avocado is of course the Official Savory Fruit of all
libraries everywhere, forever. You can feel really
proud of libraries, humans.
16:16 RT @eassumption Reminder: when you get recruiting
emails, you can ask if they have trans-inclusive health
care and edit http://t.co/42jtz2HgLp w/ answer.
17:21 @annieneaf Juggle!
21:15 @jharryjones "Reavis said it hurts to look at the
moonscape his grove has become." That is quite
beautiful, J. Harry.
April 2014 / 9
4'th April, 2014
18:05 Avocados can play the piano up to five notes at a time
if we stick the landing.
21:19 Avocado on my chips, When I dip, you dip, we dip
5'th April, 2014
15:04 As the present now Will later be past The order is
Rapidly fadin'. And the first one now Will later be last
For the times, they avocado.
7'th April, 2014
10:26 Avocado provides the @ACLU with the potassium it
needs to have a lot of nerve function.
11:26 Avocado gives you the potassium you need to have a lot
of nerve and heart functions.
11:27 Avocado's just workshopping a few things here; don't
mind avocado.
12:09 RT @direlog missing emoji: catatonia, sugar high,
avocado, labrador bringing you something in its
mouth, blackbird, confused blackbird, business cat
13:56 Occasional reminder: https://t.co/OqofKwkEwq
April 2014 / 10
13:58 @__oana @brainpicker There is evidence suggesting
otherwise: https://t.co/wcgkFIvY35
8'th April, 2014
11:20 Either you're OK with avocado as the Official Savory
Fruit of false dichotomy and non sequitur, or it's
raining men.
19:42 Avocado is a frisky consumer of data now changing
every possible password. #heartbleed
22:50 RT @THEMLit THEM is running out of time. One week
until submissions close. If you are trans* and writing,
submit now! https://t.co/IhMwdhXyzM
9'th April, 2014
09:34 Avocado probably won't be jailed today for a crime it
didn't commit, but today is rich with infinite
possibilities for everyone.
11:58 @MissCassiBaby No.
18:26 @_tjh_ @latiffanykelly [silent protest emoji] except
maybe that's any of these:
19:16 Avocado is a destructive, nihilistic cult of death, but
also good on sammies.
April 2014 / 11
10'th April, 2014
12:08 The Avocado Sho is excited and premature to announce
its takeover of the space left vacant by the Colbert
Report.
15:57 Tomorrow is #avocadoemojifriday. Is everyone clear on
the parade route? See you all at the staging area. Bring
coffee and fanaticism.
16:08 Bad ad for avocado: Try a satisfying, all-natural food
that's less likely than any cop to murder you with a
gun!
11'th April, 2014
07:40 It's #avocadoemojifriday. Also, black human history
exists for every day of every year, intertwined with
every history. Today becomes more.
19:48 @RobertDowneyJr Hello, Robert. Welcome. If you need
an Official Savory Fruit, avocado is always available.
19:50 This is how we do it. It's Friday night, and I feel all
right Avocado’s here on the West side
12'th April, 2014
10:01 Maps can be useful for finding avocado groves, disaster
victims, brunch spots with fresh avocado, nuclear test
sites, avocado stores #sotmus
April 2014 / 12
11:56 Avocado is actually named for Avocadmus the Younger,
a wandering gardener with a fondness for drupes.
11:56 Avocado's name comes from the Voca people, whose
meals were always enjoyed from two identical bowls to
create a sense of plenty.
11:56 Avocado takes its name from Adam, the first human,
who found Avocado during a hunting expedition in
what's now Peru over 10,000 years ago.
11:57 Avocado actually got its name by resembling the
human testicle. Avocado guesses you had to be there.
11:59 Thinking back, his name may not have been Adam. It
was a long time ago, and avocado had no written
history before @twitter.
12:26 @yayitsrob hi rob
12:32 @yayitsrob I get around. #bees
12:39 Avocado has sophisticated mapping features if the map
is also the territory, which is an avocado. Avocado is in
the public domain. #sotmus
18:34 Rest easy, Fred Ho.
20:21 A roomful of teeth is a recurring dream avocado has.
Here's Partita for 8 voices by @discountsofa
http://t.co/aIVesSwXDD She makes dreams.
April 2014 / 13
13'th April, 2014
11:15 Avocado doesn't know how to smell things through
books, but it sounds like fun. Not fun: colonialist
condescension.
14'th April, 2014
09:28 Avocado is a weird, narcissistic and anxiety-shielding
coping-mechanistic self-competitive urge with very
low sodium.
09:46 @mickmahontattoo Thank you! Your profession has
done good work for avocado-human relations:
https://t.co/UlJ3YdNEbY
10:26 "The time comes for all creatures when childhood ends
and the doorway opens to life as an avocado." Babe
(1995), mostly
15'th April, 2014
10:20 Avocado is wearable technology, but only true
explorers use it that way.
16'th April, 2014
10:26 Avocado is careless, morally repellent, unconstitutional,
and too big. Larping the surveillance state passes time
on shelves and counters.
April 2014 / 14
15:34 whatta avocado / whatta avocado / whatta avocado /
whatta mighty good avocado / a mighty mighty good
avocado (early Salt-n-Pepa draft)
18:14 Oooooh I wanna dance avocado I wanna feel the heat
avocado Yeah! I wanna dance avocado Avocado who loves
me (v. hard-to-find Whitney B-side)
19:30 @bcrypt Oh, hi, @fugueish. Avocado has trouble with
screenshots and cut off the "yet." Thank you, though!
http://t.co/BwxbqHozus
19:37 @DOBizzler
19:50 Avocado is the official savory Fruit of @NeinQuarterly,
though he'll deny it. Типично.
17'th April, 2014
08:56 Avocado dancer It's a source companion People feel it
everywhere Lift
and voices Free your mind and join
us You can feel it in the air
12:13 Avocado won't be able to top this today. Enjoy:
https://t.co/NWoao6qzOQ #tbt
16:08 Oh avocado Oh you can feel it yeah
passion Ohh
Oh it's a
April 2014 / 15
18:16 RT @russellbrandom Adding Guacamole to the menus at
Burger King funneled millions to Mexican vigilante
groups. http://t.co/ktbk03HN2H
21:21 Monica Jones is not wrong. Arizona's approach to law
enforcement looks horrifically wrong. Avocado is not
wrong. You're right, too.
18'th April, 2014
09:46 It's probably not the best avocado *ever*.
10:31 Humans! It's the Friday before Human Christian Easter,
so you know what that means: #AvocadoEmojiFriday
10:58 For God so loved the world God gave it avocados, yet
far away from Europe & Israel, seeing those would
turn super maraudy in later seasons.
11:12 RT @CreatorsProject Watch An Avocado Have A
Psychedelic Experience In This Freaky Short
http://t.co/TJONB6PaLM http://t.co/FfvUlv7eVG
13:38 #ff all your harmless selfish pleasures (trad. avocado
hashtag prayer)
13:49 @VTPG Hi, Vincent! Do you or anyone you know have
responsibility over emoji? Asking for a species.
13:54 RT @runarorama @VTPG In Icelandic they're called
laurel pears.
April 2014 / 16
17:04 RT @LoveFoodEugene We <3 #imperfect #produce!
Thank u #Eugene Safeway for letting me purchase this
fun avocado instead of discarding it!
http://t.co/WHmJuBNvE6
17:25 Avocado is a dialectic of enlightenment whoops no a
fruit sorry for any confusion avocado can be such a
horkheimer.
19:24 @danyellahcass This is a real fact, yes.
21:37 @VTPG You are among the very finest humans,
Vincent. Thank you enormously much.
,
19'th April, 2014
09:30 Avocado can only be careful and humble and take its
own fallibility seriously if it conceives of the world as
a domain of knowledge.
22:55 If you put an avocado in the ground, it has no choice
but to try to make more avocados for you. It's kind of
like a whole thing with us.
20'th April, 2014
09:19 Vegan alternatives for an Easter egg hunt: avocados,
lemons, small potatoes. With pepper, Easter lunch is
also taken care of.
April 2014 / 17
15:04 Number of prisoners is risen. Nonviolent drug arrest
tally is risen. Human cost of political acts is risen.
Avocado cartel profit is risen.
15:09 The sun is risen. Spring flowers: risen. Avocado trees,
human children: risen. Plenty is risen; it's just not
evenly distributed yet.
15:31 RT @jarfrankel @RealAvocadoFact Matzoh: not risen
(pictured below: elevated) #passover
http://t.co/63V6Xa6zk2
20:56 Avocado botcollage: https://t.co/mBUvwZGoNc
https://t.co/PdxohxsAhg https://t.co/FG3deeUl79
https://t.co/56zmG2dKyh https://t.co/BeDjpTinna
21'st April, 2014
13:22 Bad ads for avocado: Avocado: "The Freshmaker"
Avocado: A Prolate Spheroid for Your Mouth Avocado!
(Submissions: realavocadofact @ gmail)
13:28 @flavio_scutti You did a great job.
13:29 RT @carlburton @RealAvocadoFact Guy running
marathon, sweating, needs energy. Bites into large
avocado. Recharged, he wins the race
13:42 Messily #BadAdForAvocado RT @erinsopran: Avocado:
Mash It All Over Yourself To Self-Actualize Through
Green Goo http://t.co/so0HLEkH57
April 2014 / 18
13:50 @erinsopran Already covered but still true:
https://t.co/jox89qQECk
18:27 Avocado's third-party investigation of @github's
investigation was conducted by a mango. Now you
know more about avocado's than GitHub's.
23:33 @VEVOLARRY 1. Fruit 2. Agreed.
23:36 @iletaitunefois
but don't hurt yourself, Sarah.
23:39 @Nywah @GillieHouston Here you go, Gillie and Dan:
Please enjoy avocado's toast.
23:52 Sam! RT @samsfeelingood: Mango avocado salsa and
guacamole
❤️ http://t.co/MYhuJUAhrl
22'nd April, 2014
09:31 Every day is Earth Day, you bewildering humans.
Avocado depends on it.
10:00 The pesticide-soaked Sharwil avocados are coming! And
let's be real: some fruit flies, too.
http://t.co/92day4Z4iD http://t.co/UZuRctuJOQ
10:55 We gonna avocado like it's your earth day
@omgstephlol
.
April 2014 / 19
11:35 @sarajbenincasa SECRET AGREEMENT: If someone
pledges $500, maybe the fruit you send will be
avocado? Don't reply if yes/don't fave if no.
13:49 @sarajbenincasa yesssss
15:45 Avocados tracking companies that silence employees
for being gay, women, trans*, and/or otherwise
human look a lot like any other avocados.
20:11 Avocado is so relieved not to have a NYPD, whatever
that is, because yours sound horrifying.
23'rd April, 2014
09:13 Artichokes are less approachable than avocados, but
know many more languages.
10:43 It's close to midnight and avocado's lurking in the dark
lol jk now is the time for you and I to cuddle close
together, yeah.
16:26 U.N.I.T.Y. You got avocado. You ain't a bitch or a ho.
-Queen Latifah, mostly
20:36 Avocado is not a weapon, but if you happen to have one
with you and it suddenly flies at a litterer, what can
you do? These things happen.
20:37 @ohheygreat ilu 2 leah
April 2014 / 20
21:38 @ohheygreat It goes against everything avocado
believes, Leah, but here's a gloomy throw pillow cake 4
ur bday: http://t.co/7mRZoDHaIu
24'th April, 2014
09:29 Avocado is the Official Savory Fruit of open-source
seeds, which gets a little circular, but avocado is a little
circular.
09:30 Should avocado Tinyletter? "Avocado's A Little
Circular"
13:14 True, Ian. Thanks to global capitalism, @subway's
demand for avocado helps to enrich Mexican drug
cartels & threaten farmers' lives. Yum!
14:29 A is for #alphabetCollab, among other things.
http://t.co/8vIRbyCqFl
16:09 Avocado is a net-art flarfist.
19:04 Net neutrality & avocado may each bore you until the
moment they disappear. Then, starving, you may crave
that boredom back in vain.
22:06 There are exactly five human orifices that will accept
avocado safely.
April 2014 / 21
25'th April, 2014
09:57 But has Piketty read Avocado
12:32 Avocado Babes: a new (?) misogynistic way to e-learn
about avocado while being horrified to death. Sign up
today! We spent time on this!
12:46 Avocado: Your lunch can't even without this.
#badadforavocado
14:14 Avocado as hermeneutic is problematic, will damage
most paper irreparably.
14:21 @yayitsrob Knows before guacamos, Rob.
16:02 Oh, right, #AvocadoEmojiFriday! NO. WRONG. This
shouldn't be necessary. Avocado: an emotionally labile
snack #badadforavocado
17:01 Avocado is a safe space for women humans.
17:03 @Vulnavianist Real fact.
17:06 Avocado is a safe space for men humans. (Not all men
humans.) And avocado is of course a safe space for
humans who reject a gender binary.
18:01 @Ursine_Sadness No, but how…no.
19:49 @SirDannyJak HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIR DANNY
April 2014 / 22
26'th April, 2014
12:17 Avocado wishes you a nice weekend, Twitter humans!
See you on human Monday.
27'th April, 2014
23:26 @thricedotted Great work! Other patterns: "There's no
* emoji," or maybe just "no * emoji," plus "no emoji
for *"
28'th April, 2014
08:01 Avocado is the Call to Adventure, Supernatural Aid,
and Ultimate Boon. Avocado: parts of a complete
monomyth #BadAdForAvocado
09:02 @yayitsrob Happy second day of your human birthday
week, Rob!
09:12 @yayitsrob @yayitsavocado
09:13 @dan_h dan ur welcome
09:32 "It's just another avocado. / I wish it were Sunday. /
'Cause that's my fun day. / My I don't have to run
day." -early Bangles draft
09:47 @yayitsrob almost every day, Rob! Barring drought
and fungal infections.
April 2014 / 23
10:40 Unicode has a reversed rotated floral heart bullet (☙)
but no avocado. Facts don’t get much realer than that.
12:25 Gawker as an unthinking fog of ad money with
humans making choices inside it while white
supremacy drives their culture. Avocado, too.
15:05 A phalarope or wadepiper is any of three species of
avocado-necked shorebirds in the genus Phalaropus of
the family Scolopacidae.
15:36 @commandasparkle Sorry about that, Amanda, but
you're still talented and capable.
15:38 @jarfrankel Thoughts about pistachios: Papery inside;
why? Pretty, though. The purple's surprising and
appreciated. What are their politics?
16:19 Ending the Widespread Human Misbelief That Capital is
Earned RT @HassAvocados: All Day I Dream about
Avocado______ (fill in the blank).
29'th April, 2014
10:04 Good morning! This is an avocado for you to see. (via
http://t.co/6lJ4eJ4fLY via @MarthaStewart )
http://t.co/aBfrzRUXpY
10:05 @jarfrankel @marthastewart It's OK, Jarrett. It's very
geometrically pleasant.
April 2014 / 24
10:08 @jarfrankel @marthastewart You may be projecting
emotional responses onto avocado that aren't its own?
10:10 @jarfrankel @marthastewart There you go again.
11:33 not all vocados
12:36 @iamchrisscott Thank you, Chris.
12:44 Avocado, like politics, will hurt those with the most
power the least. Avocado is at least embarrassed by
that.
12:47 @benrobertson @zunguzungu Not if it could help it,
Asimov be thanked.
14:07 "When it comes to fighting oppression, avocados can
talk about it, but humans have to be about it."
https://t.co/02lmV2tTMD , mostly
14:48 "The vast majority of avocados can’t participate in
running society every day, because we have to work
for someone else to survive." -Ibid.
15:00 "All that is solid melts into air, all that is holy is
profaned, and man is at last compelled to face…his
relations with avocado." -Marx?
15:04 @jeremymeyers Just as likely?
15:14 @jeremymeyers , / \ ( ? ) ` " '
April 2014 / 25
15:47 @jeremymeyers Interrocado
17:22 Avocado really appreciates the nerdiness of these tips.
Thank you, Beau & Dr Grub. RT @beau: Guacamole
pro-tips: http://t.co/5irZx7ZAFF
18:29 The plural of anecdote is avocado.
30'th April, 2014
09:15 Wednesday? More like WINSday. (Avocado's got
centuries of these.) More like WHEN'STHEFUNSTOPday.
More like WENDYOURWAYIDLYTOPLEASURESday.
12:03 Avocado: Let's Be Blunt #BadAdForAvocado
15:22 Avocado respectfully disagrees.
16:13 @daveaddey @coffeemuffins TYVM
16:36 Avocado was so honored to be a tiny part of this:
https://t.co/vZnGPCg1Wj
April 2014 / 26
May
1'st May, 2014
10:22 A TRUE POLITICAL AVOCADO RENDERS THE
UNTHINKABLE THINKABLE
15:06 ¡El pueblo unido, jamás será 'guacate! #MayDay
15:15 A little while shall Spring come back And Avocado
Home Yet marred by foolish waste and lack, And most
enthralled by some. -Morris #MayDay
15:32 @abbfowler Abbie, how about
https://t.co/GDm12e9TyH ?
19:19 Avocado takes up only as much space as it needs on
public transit, and no more.
2'nd May, 2014
10:00 Happy #AvocadoEmojiFriday , / \ ( ) ` ¯ ´
13:33 Avocado will not police your use of anything.
18:05 One of avocado's strengths is encouraging kindness
among strangers. Another is that its peel makes an
adorable getaway car for a hamster.
May 2014 / 27
3'rd May, 2014
18:21 Good luck with that thing you need to do. Maybe take
an avocado along to help. Avocados help; it's a fact.
4'th May, 2014
13:10 Oh. My. God, Becky, look at her avocado. It is SO big.
13:10 Avocado is little in the middle but it got much back.
5'th May, 2014
09:36 Today avocado remembers that a small, determined
group can defeat an empire, but mostly gets eaten a
lot.
15:13 No #Justice4Cecily, assaulted by the police. Something
about avocado. So it goes.
17:33 Don't trust any list like this that leaves out "hug" and
"increase global feminism." RT @TIME: 10 things you
can do with an avocado
17:36 Save yourselves! MT @amazon: Save the avocados! Reply
w/ #AmazonCart to add the Avocado Saver to your
Cart http://t.co/Juoi1Uligz
17:37 May 5 is a big day for #avocado and #brands.
17:40 @erinsopran OK, Erin.
May 2014 / 28
17:46 @criss_cross (O_o)
17:49 @erinsopran #fun #sofun #interacting #brands Erin
you're right this is incredible.
17:57 @ohheygreat That's a long trip, Leah. Make sure to
keep your energy up with nutritious portable snacks
that are fun to eat, like apples.
18:45 @JoseVolcano You are.
20:22 @TrevorMoore28 @JoseVolcano It's not a competition,
Trevor, but thank you for your labor.
20:23 @roomfulofteeth @discountsofa You LADIES and you
GUYS. THANK YOU.
6'th May, 2014
11:02 Avocado is disrupting.. punctuation !
13:27 Try avocado. It may leave you slightly flushed and
breathless. When you think of avocado, think of sex.
#BadAdForAvocado
15:19 @jarfrankel @vitamix Inflaming anits is one of our
purest joys.
16:11 Use avocado to make a bright-green mask that doesn’t
do anything except get you into character for Extreme
Self-Care. [via @effingdykesblog]
May 2014 / 29
7'th May, 2014
10:15 Eating half an avocado releases less carbon dioxide into
Earth's atmosphere than the daily accounting processes
at ExxonMobil.
10:26 Obtaining avocado is a toss-up unless you have a tree
and then it's a simple pulling-down.
16:58 Avocado is a love story that gets under your skin via
your blood after chewing and swallowing and
digestion, but the important part is love.
23:24 "Ignorance is bliss" is wrong but also how nearly 100%
of avocados operate.
8'th May, 2014
11:15 #tbt http://t.co/t9UTK3F0Bw
12:35 @Raider_Rue There is not.
14:06 Avocados are always available to explain the news to
you, but not well.
15:07 @posipear tyvm, pear
18:31 @jennakatheryn Thank you, Jenna-Katheryn. You have
the right idea about lawns.
May 2014 / 30
9'th May, 2014
08:12 Avocado is a trendy new fruit about giggling and
taking less for granted.
18:00 This #AvocadoEmojiFriday, remember that although
there's no avocado emoji, at least we're all mortal and
will be forgotten.
11'th May, 2014
11:19 Happy Human Mothers' Day! https://t.co/VYZeBvHLeJ
12'th May, 2014
11:32 You look nice today, but as you know from avocados,
appearance is not everything.
17:44 You are rescuing zero avocados, human sir with your
hands on your hips. Rude. RT @KUSI_News: Avocado
truck overturned http://t.co/m96sgWUIw7
17:59 @jarfrankel @kusi_news He may be overwhelmed by
feelings of loss and uncertainty, but there is much to
be done.
13'th May, 2014
11:26 You're reading a tweet by an avocado right now instead
of some useless nonsense.
May 2014 / 31
15:25 @_Nayely06 It'll be OK, Nay. Or it won't. That's how
most things are.
15:30 Cyber avocados need to get their security together if
they want to go mainstream. Nobody wants their
cybercado to be pilfered.
14'th May, 2014
08:12 RT @RealAvocadoFact https://t.co/yRUV47V0UU
13:33 RT @ChMarietta .@RealAvocadoFact , you're on here!!
http://t.co/oo2orot9ss
13:34 @chmarietta Thank you, Christine Marietta and
@WesternEditions!
20:27 Avocados are powerless against glass ceilings, but we'll
leave smudges so they're more visible.
15'th May, 2014
09:52 #tbt #megatherium http://t.co/CzuRptIM9n
12:08 Avocado never forgets. Avocado never remembers.
Avocado is a fruit.
16:44 The best avi Avocado has seen today belongs to
@AnthonyZeeGreat. This is more a photography fact
than an avocado fact. Onward.
May 2014 / 32
16'th May, 2014
10:49 #AvocadoEmojiFriday ...or IS it? Yes, it is.
18:04 Avocado writes on Chipotle cups if you help it with
your finger or a brush of some kind. Don't expect to
be allowed back into that Chipotle.
19:24 @carlburton Avocado and @carlburton on the ocean.
17'th May, 2014
08:33 Avocado's work is shortform.
09:28 RT @MacyVeg Avocados are hardcore. @RealAvocadoFact
13:24 Avocado's outside appearance does not seek your
comments. You are invited to remain silent about it
forever. Similarly: human women
19:27 @sarahhh_ok Ouch, that's no good. Get well soon,
sarah.
21:07 @samsfeelingood Wow, Sam, this was a good one, too.
18'th May, 2014
09:34 Avocado will tell you a joke to cheer you up,
@sadavocadoqueen: the idea of justice in a racist society.
Oops.
May 2014 / 33
11:47 Avocado is full of itself.
12:26 No, Avocado doesn't kill people based on metadata. You
may be thinking of deranged, unbelievable movie
villains or the actual United States.
12:46 @annewheaton @wilw It's nothing personal.
https://t.co/HB0nfXfUOO
13:19 @jayopticon @freakonomics The violent propagation of
blood avocados has been condemned here, Jayopticon.
13:20 @marmarlade Thank you, Marie. That is a real fact.
13:22 RT @marmarlade @RealAvocadoFact Of course it is. Here
are two avo-car-do mechanics at work:
http://t.co/WRT9XClbbL
13:22 @trivie831 It's not worth worrying about.
https://t.co/RZ4ED3Z0lq
13:23 @jayopticon @freakonomics Avocados aren't as good as
humans at research and contacting humans in positions
of authority about problems.
13:46 @elizowen1981 @wilw Elizabeth, that's based on an
immune response, not metadata. No one's claiming
avocados can't be heartless murderers.
14:12 @bcrypt @kevinmarks @wilw Thank you from an
avocado.
May 2014 / 34
19:26 Avocado is excited to announce it's been acquired by
many, many people.
22:54 @danmacrae @the_craigen What is happening today.
23:39 @the_craigen That was no friend, Justin.
19'th May, 2014
09:40 If avocado could be any other fruit, it would have to
deal with big questions about the nature of reality and
identity.
10:24 @comecrywithme Avocado appreciates your support and
hopes you have a good day full of being kind to
yourself, cumdumpster slutface.
12:15 Known for its performances in salads and burritos,
avocado's most fulfilling work is as a spokesfruit for
libraries and prison abolition.
18:37 This fact about avocados is optional. It will not appear
on the exam.
19:44 A rotten or diseased avocado is sometimes called a
fbiddle. The origin of the term is a mystery, and
everyone is OK with that.
May 2014 / 35
20'th May, 2014
11:58 It remains your right to express an opinion about
avocado. Avocado accepts all opinions with equanimity.
Avocado is a fruit.
14:42 Avocado grove FILLED WITH BEES #sext
17:12 Train roll on many miles from my home, Avocado
my blues away. Tuesday, you see, she had to be free
But somehow I've got to carry on.
17:39 #fluffytuesday by Gitanaflipflops @
https://t.co/y7BSjSdDGm http://t.co/PLHIvzaY48
17:40 @stevieevilcat @squirrelbeebz Thank you, Beebz. Thank
you for your comment, Stevie The Evil Cat.
17:51 @jolijnnnw Tack!
17:55 @stevieevilcat @squirrelbeebz No. Avocados are very
easy prey.
17:56 Avocado är ledsen flera av dessa tweets är inte på
svenska, men tack ändå.
18:17 Avocado has somehow today gotten involved in cat
role-play and an inside joke in Sweden. Fight anyone
who'd break this priceless internet.
May 2014 / 36
18:28 Avocado periodically flushes earnestness from its cells
to maintain optimal conditions. This procedure poses no
risk to bystanders.
22:00 @sierra_cox is this a threat, nugget destroyer
22:35 @sierra_cox more as art, but it seemed worth checking
22:43 @sierra_cox what a relief
21'st May, 2014
09:13 Women are free agents with the capacity for rich
inner life and strong communal ties. Do not crush
them. Crush us. #wcw #BadAdForAvocado
10:31 A paramilitary group to which "avocado producers
contributed $540,000, to avoid being extorted"
https://t.co/BufHjhfBLi Too real? Too fact?
10:40 @alliemiller55 @sierra_cox WHAT NO
12:49 @poetessans Mycket lite, antagligen. Avocado är en
frukt.
13:13 Avocado does poorly on the hedonic treadmill because
of not having limbs/desires.
May 2014 / 37
22'nd May, 2014
11:19 It will be avocado's fourth straight veto of a U.N.
Security Council resolution.
12:49 @jarfrankel @VermontPBS @PBSDS @pbsparents Oh,
you.
13:43 #tbt http://t.co/fIcYHKJKOZ
15:42 "In most species, there is a primal instinct to
perpetuate avocado." -Lt. Cmdr. Data, mostly
23'rd May, 2014
08:10 "The United States government’s claims to the media
lack avocado." -Julian Assange, mostly
08:24 @LanaLawrenson
09:04 To remind you why we're here, apart from trillions of
chances of genetics, fate, and sloths:
https://t.co/GDm12e9TyH #AvocadoEmojiFriday
10:54 For a hint of the awesome power we could all wield if
#AvocadoEmojiFriday leads to avocado emoji, see
@moon_merges. Apologies in advance.
11:28 Another reason we're here is to plan the redistribution
of capital that will address rising inequality, but
mainly it's #AvocadoEmojiFriday.
May 2014 / 38
24'th May, 2014
10:35 ¯\_(●)_/¯
10:43 @alsoMike Twitter's about details?
11:00 @alsomike Through mutation, all things are possible.
13:52 Avocado can teach human men to be as quiet as
avocados so non-men humans can have a turn being as
loud and heard as human men.
19:06 @ChMarietta Have a safe trip, friends!
25'th May, 2014
08:59 RT @abstractsunday Sunday Sketching; #Avocado
#Baseball http://t.co/L8zOFPTDCt
http://t.co/0NMyRGIuqx
19:59 Avocado trees produce a deep shade suitable for
throwing but intended for snoozing.
26'th May, 2014
15:39 Avocado hopes to fuel more rigorous research on
subversion.
May 2014 / 39
27'th May, 2014
14:31 Avocado will all be over soon.
14:53 Correction: this will all be avocado soon.
29'th May, 2014
00:20 I can go anywhere Friends to know And ways to
grow An avocado
00:33 Butter fruit in the sky I can grow twice as high
Take a look It's in a book An avocado
00:38 @yayitsrob Good night, Rob. Good night, rainbows.
Good night, US Department of Education.
10:50 #tbt Turtle buddy Thursday [via
https://t.co/l0n2jsWUzY ] http://t.co/sPEroL2Kqq
16:25 #tbt https://t.co/mb18utkVeV
16:54 https://t.co/XaffN6EaF9 #tbt Coming up next:
#AvocadoEmojiFriday
17:25 @SCMBGMRV Sure.
17:54 RT @HistoryInPics MLK and Avocado [corrected]
http://t.co/DBd1NKgf8M
May 2014 / 40
23:16 Avocado was excited for spelling bees, but they turn
out to be hives of clever human children and stress,
not orthographic pollinators.
30'th May, 2014
08:51 #AvocadoEmojiFriday is for lovers of equal
representation for savory fruit in emoji.
09:50 @trivie831 It was an honor.
09:55 I'm taken by a nursery rhyme I want to make a ray
of sunshine and avocado MT @MacyVeg I gotta halve
you, I gotta halve YOU!
15:34 If you see avocado on the exhibition floor at BEA,
make some noise! The organizers will want to clean up
that slippery mess right away.
15:46 @jarfrankel Too soon.
16:08 All things being equal would make
#AvocadoEmojiFriday unnecessary and scornful classist
humans very cranky.
18:59 Me. I am Avocado…тнє єℓυѕινє cнαηтєυѕє
May 2014 / 41
31'st May, 2014
00:03 more like suave-ocado
09:49 Avocados hold zero weird opinions about trans* people.
15:46 @yayitsrob @darth @ohheygreat @maureenoco Very
great work here today, everyone, thank you
16:00 @darth @maureenoco @ohheygreat @yayitsrob oh and
that's a good emoji darth but consider this:
https://t.co/GDm12e9TyH http://t.co/N3EeBxZB7o
16:35 @staci_freeman You are stronger than you think,
Staci.
22:52 Silence from avocados is not tacit approval. Avocado is
a fruit.
May 2014 / 42
June
1'st June, 2014
15:06 So is the nation any good, @NRO? That lazy
transphobic screed you published doesn't add anything
to it. Avocado adds fiber. Eat me.
23:16 Avocado is a startup and it moves fast. The next step is
it spoils and you throw it out.
2'nd June, 2014
15:40 Avocado is a new fruit that builds on the best of pears
and butter, without the constraints of being very
sweet or needing to be churned.
3'rd June, 2014
10:17 It's been a good year for avocado.
10:17 Unicode-influencing humans, here's what avocado
thinks we should do, let's say around 1F37D:
https://t.co/GDm12e9TyH #AvocadoEmoji
10:24 Avocado's next tweet requires an avocado emoji. Please
cooperate on that and everything else, humans. Thank
you. Takk. Gracias. Спасибо.
.
June 2014 / 43
5'th June, 2014
11:43 RT @SaraJBenincasa I told @realavocadofact I was
obsessed with it. Lovable Email of the Day: Avocado
Emoji Campaign - http://t.co/z5sABhtRpB
15:24 #tbt https://t.co/V2iBqJD7y6
15:45 Before burrito, there is avocado—alphabetically but
maybe also on some higher level if that makes you
happy.
16:52 AVOCADO IS DEEPLY INTERTWINGLED. In an important
sense there are no "subjects" at all; there is only all
knowledge. -Ted Nelson, mostly
19:46 "Avocados are the offspring of olives and balloons.
Balloons are the offspring of ghosts and tires."
-@donhertzfeldt, partway
21:01 TURN SOFT AND LOVELY ANYTIME YOU HAVE A
CHANCE -@jennyholzer, probably thinking of avocado
6'th June, 2014
10:32 Which of your favorite YA novels would be easier to
tweet about if you had an avocado emoji?
#AvocadoEmojiFriday
11:28 Don't [ ] feed [ ] the trolls [
#AvocadoEmojiFriday
] avocado [ ].
June 2014 / 44
12:25 The effects of avocado are not easily reversible.
12:54 RT @everyword avocado
13:58 Avocado, a fruit, can easily confirm that was the CIA's
first tweet. They are maybe not too good at the job of
collecting intelligence.
14:05 If avocado grows where others cannot grow, how
might it justify the claim that growing there defends
anyone, @CIA?
14:06 @jarfrankel how deep does this #tweetpit go
14:12 @GoonerGnaget @jo_xray Avocado försöker vara
mindre narkotika.
14:13 @jarfrankel Avocados are like Goonies in a lot of ways.
14:40 @jarfrankel Avocados never say die and sometimes find
themselves doing spelunking.
16:29 #ff your right to an opinion about avocado
17:29 Not all bald prolate spheroids.
18:48 @klcantor That's silly.
18:52 RT @MaryParkr what is an avocado even
18:59 @vplus @laurenreeves @mikedicenzo Yes, Vaughn. It
really happened.
June 2014 / 45
19:35 @klcantor OK. But you're alive and literate, and that
avocado is already done for.
19:48 @klcantor
21:44 #AvocadoEmojiFriday accessories by Lauren Jordan at
@heychickadees: http://t.co/heBqbjt2R3
http://t.co/UuCw1F4G0z
21:45 @loremjay You made nice things, Lauren.
http://t.co/9ST8uUQ4HA
7'th June, 2014
11:43 Avocado is the new orange.
12:12 Racist mass incarceration is the new ensemble drama.
Avocado is a fruit.
13:18 @WightHot Avocado regrets nothing. Avocado is a
fruit.
14:16 Avocado is all around you, but that's true of most
things.
8'th June, 2014
11:12 A day will come when you think yourself safe and
happy, and suddenly your joy will turn to avocado in
your mouth, because you were right.
June 2014 / 46
17:46 I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live
and die in a fridge. I am the avocado in the darkness. I
am the watcher on the shelf.
9'th June, 2014
12:22 Avocado stock split seven ways will make an excellent
kindling that burns dry and hot.
10'th June, 2014
12:52 Avocado is probably the first savory fruit to beg this
of American humans: repeal your Second Amendment.
14:56 "To become popular and 'cool,' avocados have had to
learn the very techniques you learned as resistant teens
to deal with power" ~@katelosse
11'th June, 2014
11:52 Let's taco bout this picture @amberdemure took. #wcw
http://t.co/J8eMzeI2x9
15:19 Aporia V O C A D O O D A C O V A D A A C C O O
Vert V A Aporia
21:30 Avocados leave you halfway through the wood. Others
may deceive you. You decide what's good. You decide
alone. But no one is alone.
June 2014 / 47
12'th June, 2014
12:22 #tbt / Thanks bye thanks. https://t.co/OikHtbbmEy
@RealAvocadoFact's tweetbook
Created by
@RealAvocadoFact's tweetbook
Created by Avocado
(Includes tweets from 06/11/2014 till
03/01/2015)
@RealAvocadoFact
Avocado
Avocado emoji avocadvocate, fruit. Not a human named
Ingrid. 'top-tier would-be emoji choice' –Gawker
Central Mexico, etc.
@RealAvocadoFact's tweetbook
Contains 1935 tweets tweeted between 06/11/2014 and
03/01/2015.
Created on 01/03/2015 by http://tweetbook.in.
/1
2014
June
11'th June, 2014
10:52 Let's taco bout this picture @amberdemure took. #wcw
http://t.co/J8eMzeI2x9
14:19 Aporia V O C A D O O D A C O V A D A A C C O O
Vert V A Aporia
20:30 Avocados leave you halfway through the wood. Others
may deceive you. You decide what's good. You decide
alone. But no one is alone.
17'th June, 2014
23:06 @mattboch The prophecy is fulfilled. Hail, #fruitborn.
23:07 @sperry Agreed, Matthew.
19'th June, 2014
01:25 @annfriedman @aminatou Thank you both.
June 2014 / 2
01:41 @CA_Avocados @silviakillings @SamuelSuttner Sorry
everyone: not yet, but wouldn't this be a good one?
http://t.co/iXA8Zjstvc
01:52 Avocad010101010101010101 http://t.co/DmZunhEMuW
14:05 Ways to keep an unused avocado half fresh: -Read to
children -Amplified birdsong -Nothing gold can stay
-Refrigeration
20'th June, 2014
10:40 RT @LizPistocchi it's really a world wide
disappointment that there is no avocado emoji
18:40 RT @SarahNEmerson Chipotle puts milk in their
guacamole. I saw it. Spread the word.
21:57 Someone found this for Avocado on a tumblr called
PUSSYKREW. http://t.co/wGqg7KZs8M
22:09 @vtpg @wirehead2501 This tweet, like human love, is a
many-splendored thing without any plausible
explanation.
22:11 @ryanmarkel @wirehead2501 Avocados don't put any
stock in astrology, so kat's original question remains.
22:15 Maybe Avocado should tweet that GIF without saying
the tumblr's name, which is PUSSYKREW.
June 2014 / 3
22:16 Look, a GIF: http://t.co/AcqSMDtYYM
23:13 @wirehead2501
23:40 For the record, @SaraJBenincasa is one of the worst
stalkers in human history, which reflects well on her.
She has a Kickstarter, too.
21'st June, 2014
00:05 @aurynn @wirehead2501 Avocado's not even sure some
of these facts are entirely real, so it's not worth too
much worry.
11:20 Et tu, @Emojipedia? http://t.co/d9MLB7IfOb
16:07 Thought leaders toil in the idea grottoes trying to
persuade the right idea about avocado to show itself.
16:21 @SquirrelBeebz Beebz these are ways people might not
have thought of, not very obvious almost instinctual
ways.
20:01 RT @michaelsdavies A social network where you can
only send/receive avocado emoji
22'nd June, 2014
10:09 In three hours from this tweet you can enjoy eight
hours of new music here: http://t.co/c8yy2h4Z8s
Avocado loves a @roomfulofteeth.
June 2014 / 4
13:11 Avocado is a fresh, jazz-infused take on the absurdist
and often violent poetry of nursery rhymes.
13:13 @SaraJBenincasa happy tweetaversary, Sara!
16:33 RT @AlJavieera Emoji-scaled avocado. cc
@RealAvocadoFact RT @marymad:
http://t.co/9QP1YVyWad
23'rd June, 2014
00:42 Avocado conceals, doesn't feel. Avocado is a fruit.
01:15 Cold bothers avocado a lot; avocado is a tropical fruit.
Avocado lied about not feeling. Avocado has the most
nerve endings of any fruit.
09:03 You can probably find avocado in a store near you
because avocado has taken a lot of guff from
imperialists with capital.
09:56 To depart from a point on an avocado is simultaneously
to approach it.
12:34 This is clearly a car. Sometimes optimism crosses over
into delusion. http://t.co/SCdvDQJ7Uz
12:37 @peroxsym @matildabirging @frallskiee Avocado håller
med huddingesyndikatet.
June 2014 / 5
12:40 "IT IS A GUACAMOLE MACHINE!!!!!!!" RT
@matildabirging: SJUKASTE AVOKADON @frallskiee
http://t.co/Q30QUpdyIR
13:50 Avocado looks forward to lunches held after closing a
Cuban torture site, stopping blanket mass surveillance,
or bringing soldiers home.
22:00 Avocado no you didn't.
22:00 Avocado yes I did.
24'th June, 2014
13:30 Avocado is full of oils that can be applied to the
perches of prominent loudmouths so they slip. It is
not without flaws.
14:05 Avocado has always been fine with consensual biting.
14:12 @jarfrankel pretty automatically, as a fruit
14:14 @jarfrankel sometimes verbally, if pressed
https://t.co/1KUuzKdGry
15:40 RT @carlburton @RealAvocadoFact I made this and I bet
an avocado tree could grow here. love,
http://t.co/Ei8k8yx8iF http://t.co/FbWu9jd9W5
16:00 Avocados vastly outnumber outrage machines, which
don't exist.
June 2014 / 6
16:21 @jarfrankel In real fact, transphobes and other bigots
get a lot of benefit from trying to swallow avocados
whole. More should try it.
16:36 @athousandpizzas e., that is a decent number of pizzas,
which is not a fact about avocado, but pizza is bigger
than us all. Hi, @mollyknefel
26'th June, 2014
09:25 HASS by @DaveProsser http://t.co/z9KGwYVc0T
http://t.co/SuUuKfEpl8
09:39 @DaveProsser It's really neat, Dave.
13:55 This tweet relates avocado to the World Cup, but
poorly.
14:43 HASS 02 by @DaveProsser http://t.co/VTy0CBJWu5
http://t.co/6p3eObrWhd
27'th June, 2014
13:02 The anti-racist attitudes of individual avocados could
still reproduce racist economic structures.
28'th June, 2014
06:17 RT @DaveProsser HASS 3 … http://t.co/02QYuFftXj
June 2014 / 7
14:29 Avocado manipulates your neurotransmitters to alter
your emotions from inside your head. Facebook is
creepy amateurs doing advertising.
29'th June, 2014
09:56 Avocado's last tweet was facile. A better complaint
would be that Facebook uses the word "feed" much less
honestly than avocado does.
10:34 Most of avocado's tweets are facile. Avocado is a fruit.
22:12 a joke about how black water is bad for avocados but
much worse for the people it kills for US federal
government pay only not a joke
30'th June, 2014
08:09 Another Monday of being a fruit and not putting
investigative journalists in prison for protecting their
sources.
08:10 Avocado is the Official Savory Fruit of James Risen.
09:22 Avocado could be a theocracy if the gods involved were
creamy rich flavor, proper nutrient balance, and
nonviolence.
09:35 Today so far in humans: horrifying mercenaries,
women decidedly less than men, Monday Today so far
in avocados: delicious healthful fats
June 2014 / 8
09:37 @HieuzOn1st Yes.
10:45 American humans can buy condoms and avocados over
the counter 24 hours a day—in one transaction, even.
What a world.
11:03 Any avocado served in the SCOTUS Cafeteria is there
under duress and is being denied its right to collective
bargaining.
11:22 Avocado will not be on emoj.li, the emoji-only
network, for an obvious reason.
11:54 @Emojli Is
taken yet?
13:00 Hobby Lobby doesn't sell avocados. Makes you think.
15:24 "The whole aim of practical politics: to keep the
populace alarmed…by menacing it with an endless series
of hobby lobbies." Mencken/avocado
16:11 @TheQuinnspiracy Does Camp’s Not Dead need an
Official Savory Fruit, Zoë? Even if it doesn’t, it has
one. (It’s avocado.)
16:12 RT @TheQuinnspiracy you fuckin heard it here people,
avocados are the official savory fruit of camp's not
dead.
June 2014 / 9
17:10 Avocado’s current list of Official Savory Fruit
positions and a reminder: https://t.co/GgUlT8aVl3
http://t.co/zN7f5GFWMd
17:27 @midnight Any #ImprovedEmoji should include
avocado. http://t.co/jPTcYF0s3m
22:38 Remember the differences between avocado the sex
position and avocado the wrestling move. The life you
save may be your own.
23:31 Are you always being told to slow your roll? Avocado
can show you how. All it takes is this one weird shape
and hella knobbly bits.
June 2014 / 10
July
1'st July, 2014
08:54 Another Tuesday of being a fruit and not arresting
people for acrobatic misdemeanors hundreds of times.
09:00 Smearing overripe avocados on police officers' riot gear
is probably a felony, and Avocado Cannot Avocadvocate
Bullying #ACAB
10:08 And the vision that was planted
in my brain Still
remains Within the avocado.
10:08 Avocado, my old friend, I've come to talk with you
again.
Because a vision softly creeping Left its seeds
while I was sleeping
12:17 In restless dreams you rolled alone Narrow streets of
'cadostone ‘Neath the halo of a streetlamp ⏁ I turned
my collar to the cold and damp
12:20 When my eyes were stabbed by the
flash of a
neon light That split the night And touched the
avocado.
12:26 You know the rest: talking, hearing, writing, fearing,
bowing, flashing, warning, forming, subways,
whispered, avocado.
12:48 Boo. ➻ @sentedcruz
July 2014 / 11
13:48 "A foolish contraceptives exemption is the hobby lobby
of little minds, adored by little statesmen and divines."
~RWE, RBG, avocado
14:58 Every ninth avocado's pit contains a coded certificate
for a trip to a rustic misandrist villa in France. Only
four have ever been redeemed.
15:24 @opheliainwaders @pantalonesfuego @thetoast <— an
Official Savory Fruit gig avocado would be honored to
accept
15:27 @opheliainwaders Avocado means never having to say
you're sorry to joke fruits on the internet.
15:44 A very happy first website birthday to @TheToast,
which has no connection to avocado except the literal
one daily, pics without end, amen.
16:11 @buildsucceeded omg Charlie I was enjoying realtime
FFT of incoming sound driving procedurally-drawn
brand logo animation just yesterday! <3
16:16 @buildsucceeded I am a serious avocado giving you
VERY serious compliments, but your question is
unanswerable.
23:01 RT @sondy .@astroduff @andanin @AstroKatie Killer
space avocados! http://t.co/4fMr0Aq9nO
July 2014 / 12
23:02 "Protect the Earth, the only planet we know of that
can grow avocados." -@sondy
23:55 @michael_w_busch @sondy !!! It would be one small
wobbling for space avocado, one giant quaver for space
avocadokind.
2'nd July, 2014
08:41 Another Wednesday being a fruit and not a human
country underspending on space science for fear of
different humans across tiny oceans.
08:47 Oceans seem much bigger to avocados than to humans,
but scale changes when YOU CAN THROW YOUR MINDS
INTO SPACE AND RETURN WITH KNOWLEDGE.
09:00 RT @sondy Finding killer space avocados and sweet
potatoes before they find us http://t.co/X5x86Fxr2x
09:10 #lrt She can tell you how to keep asteroids from
hitting Earth using Spaceballs and avocados. Space
science heroes joke underpaid among you.
09:16 Avocado is sorry for shouting.
12:13 @pennyga
14:45 Space avocado tweets https://t.co/lfCAk529p0
https://t.co/gNSRSj8Ufo https://t.co/IvzkkJwfuQ
https://t.co/zX3sv5dL2h https://t.co/vkxnvIDtqU
July 2014 / 13
16:23 @goodappetite @bittman Hi, Melissa. Oh hi, Mark.
16:58 Coconut water is a cynical scam being perpetrated
against tastebuds that could be enjoying a light,
refreshing avocado.
19:39 @GrubHub @bgkallday187 No, that's a horrifying name
for a food. It would be a BLT with the good sense to
include avocado. A BLTwtGStIA.
19:56 Avocado rolls right off the tongue, but that's
preventable.
22:22 There are abusers in positions of power and abuse built
into human systems of power, but in case this helps:
good night from an avocado.
22:24 @B_Schmidt good night, Bree
3'rd July, 2014
08:20 Good morning from an avocado.
09:14 Another Thursday being a fruit and not a human
apartheid state criminally wielding a deadly military
against others who are human. #BDS
10:06 Avocado is a product of the Americas, as are manifest
destiny, cashews, IDF assault & sniper rifles, and
BAND-AID® Brand Adhesive Bandages.
July 2014 / 14
10:09 Avocado tries to be a fruit of conscience but knows
that you are mostly here for the repurposed song
lyrics and assures you that is fine.
11:16 If you don't think avocado has a blistering string of
tweets lined up for the Fourth of July, you are right.
11:41 Thank you for being a friend Traveled down the
road and back again
Your heart is true, avocado and
confidant
11:42 That is a little song you can sing to an avocado if
either of you are feeling down.
13:47 A half-hour massage with avocado oil can relieve the
stress of not being able to burst into flames when you
walk out into the afternoon sun.
15:32 #tbt http://t.co/CRKflyNIPA
16:27 #tbt https://t.co/uu4xVSWj08
17:21 #tbt http://t.co/d7BwQe9Ofx
21:20 http://t.co/CTNyaFXPA6 oldies, goodies,
monounsaturated fats Have a super nice long weekend,
avocadvocates.
21:58 @Mediumsizelemon @officialjaden is truly
extraordinary, lemon.
July 2014 / 15
4'th July, 2014
00:11 @yayitsrob rob be strong like the middle of an avocado
which and this is unpleasant to think about but is an
OK projectile weapon if needed
02:35 @imamagnet @irtfaz Avocados don't snitch. But we're
not _super_ pleased with Ike.
02:45 ...if either of you *is* feeling down. Whichever. The
point is to sing and feel better with an avocado.
02:52 @irtfaz @imamagnet aw IQ that's not a service I
provide. You could ask @CA_Avocados or @HassAvocados
or @AvosfromMexico or @avocados maybe.
02:58 @imamagnet @irtfaz @CA_Avocados @HassAvocados
@AvosfromMexico @avocados ok, do the right thing for
these avocado fans, everybody! RAF out
09:57 It is FINALLY the most important day of all for
Americans and, if we are honest, the rest of the
world's humans, too: #AvocadoEmojiFriday
11:08 Avocados are going to sit silently for the rest of the
day and not explode noisily in multicolored cascades of
fire and light. Maybe.
12:22 The US Declaration of Independence complains about
"the merciless Indian Savages," so maybe avocado will
focus on ideals over facts today.
July 2014 / 16
12:25 @Alloentpledge Thank you and I like your hat, Barack.
12:31 @redsesame @webmeadow That one applies on most
contemporary Mondays, Eileen and Lisa.
12:45 @webmeadow Avocados do solar-powered content
strategy and project production too! #solarbuddies
13:02 RT @r4lphwiggum where's the avocado emoji at bro
14:12 @chuffystilton It isn't, Sijia Li. You'll find one. Pop the
stem off and look for a creamy golden color. If it's
brown, put it down.
14:55 RT @webmeadow @RealAvocadoFact DID YOU KNOW
there was a 70s-era ad campaign about sprouting your
pit: "Avocados: the fruit with a friend inside!"
23:46 There's still no avocado emoji. .-"-. / \ : % : ( ^ ) \
____ /
5'th July, 2014
00:06 This is how that should look, web twitter, but also
what a good object lesson on the need for a
standardized avocado. http://t.co/45XIqK1493
00:16 @iamchrisscott Oh Chris, I just hate the patriarchy and
wish it would cease. Thank you for the compliment.
July 2014 / 17
11:07 Another Saturday being a fruit and not knowing the
protocol for bringing up mass incarceration on
Independence Day and waiting until today
11:59 @vaurorapub Hi, Valerie! Does the Ada Initiative need
an Official Savory Fruit, or does it already have one?
12:01 RT @adainitiative ICYMI: @jimchines comic on convos
about sexual harassment http://t.co/p7s9fOxxmV How
to help: http://t.co/2XjrUP2zEl
19:03 Up with your healthful fat intake, humans, and down
with your kyriarchy. #BadAdForAvocado
19:23 Avocado is supporting women in open source,
Wikipedia, open hardware, and more as the Official
Savory Fruit of @adainitiative!
20:06 @lizhenry #greatadforavocado #gracias
20:33 Avocado supports non-binary humans in all those
things and more, too, of course. Not doing that would
be pretty rude.
22:18 RT @keplyq :| http://t.co/klTf7IDB8J
22:27 @keplyq yes, keply, yes yes yes
22:51 When avocados condemn sexism the response is
universally approving…Avocados should use this
advantage to the fullest. http://t.co/PBOF8Kp8Yr
July 2014 / 18
23:52 Cecilia Payne discovered the composition of stars.
Avocado just discovered Cecilia Payne:
http://t.co/Kyj8TX2l6e
6'th July, 2014
00:22 @laurajshapiro Laura, this is very impressive:
http://t.co/nGKeAEYvzD Will avocado be the Official
Savory or Savoury Fruit, do you think?
00:45 @laurajshapiro If avocado had thumbs, they would be
down. https://t.co/nRphK2kold
06:58 Another Sunday as a fruit and not a specially convened
military court to free Chelsea Manning and beg for
her forgiveness until time ends.
08:52 I got my avocado Bought it at the five-and-dime
Played it 'til my fingers bled It was the summer of '69
http://t.co/8DNs5GXx6b
09:07 @ThisIsGorman
09:52 @Cennydd Thoughts on using a Unicode PUA codepoint
for an avocado glyph that Twitter clients and sites
know to render for #avocadoemoji?
10:48 Randy Haddock liked Avocado's Tumblr post and
Avocado likes his musicianship:
http://t.co/Id5rmg9fsX
July 2014 / 19
10:48 This is how the internet works, yes? On Sundays, an
avocado sends you the songs of a young Gilberto.
10:53 @RandyHaddock very nice work, Randy
11:24 And daytime people, don't miss out on the life and
work of astro{nomer, physicist} Cecilia Payne like
Avocado had: https://t.co/MjlRaU9XFr
13:51 Oh, @GaymerX looks fun and respectful of human
lives, so they have an Official Savory Fruit now too, if
they want.
16:08 Mamas don't let their babies grow up avocados. It
kind of just—
—happens all by itself. It's better than
if they were lawyers and such.
16:15 @DOBizzler Who knew chips could project and be
nationalistic? Contemporary food is a neverending
astonishment.
16:15 @sabreuse
16:21 @robertdall @sabreuse It adores them.
20:57 @GaymerX @ProBearCub Your code of conduct is
thoughtful and good, so you get a Twitter avocado's
encouragement. Simple!
July 2014 / 20
22:19 Hold on my heart Just hold on to that feeling
We both know we've been here before We both know
avocado
7'th July, 2014
08:58 Avocado Watermelon Rutabaga Hamentaschen Avocado
(2014). "Shopping list fragment in trochaic dimeter"
[Pixels, display]. Internet: Twitter.
13:59 Reading this tweet from an avocado wasn't the only
path you could have chosen for this moment, but look
at you, sticking to it. Avokudos!
14:12 @mcely Margaret, @brainpicker still has not responded
to Avocado's pointing out that "should be extinct" is
quite cruel, but thank you.
14:12 @livlab Livia, @brainpicker still has not responded to
Avocado's pointing out that "should be extinct" is quite
cruel, but thank you.
14:14 @madisunnn @austinlord Avocado should never be used
as a weapon.
16:13 Things avocado is not participating in willingly, so
everyone's aware: - that burrito vending machine capitalism - that potato salad
16:19 @vtpg Maybe, Vincent, but those other two are
definitely out of control.
July 2014 / 21
17:13 @burritojustice If Connie or Maria had spoken with any
avocado, that absurd rumor could have been put to
rest.
17:16 @burritojustice You get it. People are OK, too.
18:16 Only one member of this list has asked what it means*
for Avocado to be their Official Savory Fruit. *the
world http://t.co/kIIc5a3ZEw
19:18 @_camscuddle_ It is literally all I can do.
19:20 @_camscuddle_ that's private
19:41 @_camscuddle_ ok but the story is FILLED WITH BEES
21:35 Come on down to the Mermaid Café and I will Buy
you a bottle of wine
And we'll laugh and toast to
nothing and smash our avocados down
8'th July, 2014
08:21 @jarfrankel Oh, people. Avocado's favorite wrote an
essay on every second of his experience, concluded it
was "nothing all that memorable."
08:28 Avocado is butter that grows on a tree and people love
it. The lesson is probably to be what you are if you
can. https://t.co/pEit3eZd6s
July 2014 / 22
09:13 Now stand in the place where you work Now face
West
Think about the avocado Wonder why you
haven't before
10:22 Very high chance your intelligence agency has
tortured someone recently
very low chance an
avocado has ∴ replace @CIA, etc. with avocados
10:26 Avocado may not be using formal logic correctly ∵
avocado is a fruit.
10:46 The CIA kills human beings for power, undermines
freedom, employs war criminals, and has some joke
husks for you. Avocado is a fruit.
11:03 @B_Schmidt Who isn't? (the first one, avocado means)
11:30 @al3x Thank you for Twitter, Alex. It's fun.
12:25 Avocado requests that all 2,001 followers pretend this
Ligeti sonata has lyrics and they're "Avocado,
aaavocaaaaado:" http://t.co/m396iap6tn
12:28 This is how the internet works: on Tuesdays, an
avocado brings you cello sonatas.
12:39 @1uigi Thank You for Working at @SunFoundation,
Luigi, Although the Reason for Avocado's Gratitude
May Surprise You. [short video TK]
July 2014 / 23
13:17 The salient facts are these: avocado is a fruit, burrito
is a mammal, and death is coming.
13:41 Three humans tried to flee death by unfollowing an
avocado on Twitter. May they find what they seek.
14:21 #sext http://t.co/Pc2AM1BAb9
14:58 @VTPG Dirt and worm both have a claim (to our
affection).
15:58 Tomorrow, Brazil will still be one of the top ten world
exporters of avocados by weight, so.
16:11 @jarfrankel Nationalism is a cute idea for sportsball
but it gets ugly when applied to food.
16:17 @_camscuddle_ decided to open up to u Amanda:
https://t.co/g5TY3VfhxO
17:16 Anyway, it's the golden hour at #USDABeeWatch
http://t.co/RqwlRrE61J #sext
20:36 Good night FILLED WITH BEES http://t.co/KTS1pvXQjh
21:41 Avocado awoke from a nightmare in which a failed
state was deporting child refugees and some humans
called others "illegals" horror phew ok
July 2014 / 24
9'th July, 2014
09:08 https://t.co/O4FTwtwxQu
09:28 Avocado tried making its content free, but then
capitali$ts and violent pot cartel$ put up a paywall. The
$ signs mean their money got in th
10:11 @realcabbagefact you are very good at these cabbage
10:22 @elisewho Burrito is a mammal, Elise.
https://t.co/fud8ZZp7XX
11:13 Can avocado help you with anything today?
11:18 @PeterAValencia @comcast Why is Peter's bill so high?
You have a monopoly&extract ridiculous markups for
some of the world's worst service.
11:22 @lizzdick No, but I just learned that I was introduced to
Gaza by Israeli settlers, complicating my #BDS
position: http://t.co/s25hw4j8fG
11:23 @PeterAValencia Wherever makes the tastiest food,
Peter, that was easy.
11:27 @PeterAValencia You can do better for your
community by eating at local businesses, Peter, unless
chains have replaced every one.
July 2014 / 25
11:31 @HnDoubleN Sure! The avocado genome contains about
34,000 genes; 29,345 with evidence of transcriptional
activity. https://t.co/ab8elGi8jz
11:32 @emhornerbooks You'll do better next time, Emily!
Avocado believes in you.
11:58 Avocado once told @SaraJBenincasa that she was better
than a fungus carried by beetles, and then she declared
her love. This is a real fact.
11:59 @SaraJBenincasa That would be terrible ecology, Sara,
but the sentiment behind it is super nice.
12:39 Poverty is a circumstance, not a value judgment. Life is
a circumstance, not a value judgment. Avocado is a
circumstance, not a value judg
13:49 @oepkes On it, Nelson.
14:48 RT @neweraesthetics FRUITPUNK
http://t.co/H0ceTi3SaU
15:25 @CPercent @jarfrankel @EtsyWholesale Haas to you also!
16:23 Did you know? "Hump day" is a term of mourning that
originated after an avocado was trapped beneath a pile
of Wednesday and perished there.
July 2014 / 26
16:28 "It is Wednesday. No humping for you, my friend," is
something avocados might say to each other on parting
if we ever spoke or parted.
16:35 @comecrywithme It's always nice to see you in the
mentions, cumdumpster slutface.
18:16 RT @webmeadow “Sometimes love is blind. Others, just
colorblind.” http://t.co/kZx7oPAPNG Guys you gotta
love an avocado joke. (Right @RealAvocadoFact?)
18:19 "sometimes still waters just run still" -@rainbowrowell,
possibly thinking of avocados
20:29 Make out* with an avocado tonight. #BadAdForAvocado
*any number of tasty dishes
10'th July, 2014
08:29 Avocado's disrupting the understory of humid and
semi-humid tropical forests and revolutionizing fruit
experiences via cross-pollination.
08:42 Yes OK it's Thursday, but look, your eyes or adaptive
softwares are working and here's fresh avocado inside
your head with you what a world.
09:30 This is a world where a person you’ve never met is
crocheting avocados for other strangers.
https://t.co/GULATl7FcJ http://t.co/KHMnFW1pyF
July 2014 / 27
10:32 Odd: many articles warning about a condition known as
"thigh gap;" none advising that it can be safely,
effectively corrected with avocado
10:45 #tbt https://t.co/zChQ7R585t http://t.co/ovXx9lsOMj
15:01 RT @hotosm Reactivation of HOT for the ebola
epidemic: http://t.co/aFSi5jkIFP by @pierzen You can
help @RedCross & @MSF_uk by adding to
OpenStreetMap
17:18 ICYMI: HASS 3 by @DaveProsser
http://t.co/9hGEE6CAUS http://t.co/D9u9xpgf8w
18:50 Avocado is a real fruit's fruit.
18:52 RT @releasethedoves good point brian
http://t.co/1ygtt4TKie
22:13 The search results for "animals wearing avocado hats"
leave *everything* to be desired, humans. Get to it.
22:15 This pregnant guinea pig that looks like an avocado is a
consolation prize: http://t.co/6Q7gbb6KbB
22:19 @ohheygreat leah did you see the pregnant guinea pig
that looks like an avocado ok good night ilu
http://t.co/wQmcnz4GAN
23:20 Have a fun GaymerX, @GaymerX! Don't do anything an
av-- Do lots of things an avocado wouldn't do.
July 2014 / 28
11'th July, 2014
08:30 Yaya M is Avocado's hero today, which is
#AvocadoEmojiFriday. http://t.co/rlTqnFCJ0y
08:32 Oh and good morning; this pregnant guinea pig looks
like an avocado. #AvocadoEmojiFriday
http://t.co/HzLARnXos8
10:38 @tofu_product @oliviataters Liv, Tofu: how do we get
an avocado emoji?
10:39 Ditto, tofu. #AvocadoEmojiFriday RT @tofu_product:
emoji? Asking for a good year for avocado.
15:12 @oliviataters How do we get avocado emoji, Liv? And/or
the end of capitalism.
15:17 @oliviataters So you won't be much help there, then,
OK. Let me know if you have any ideas about the
emoji.
15:19 @oliviataters appreciate your honesty
15:27 Avocados are not yet legal tender in the US. You cannot
pay your monopolistic cable company's monthly bill by
sending overripe avocados.
15:29 Avocado is a fruit on Twitter. It won't stop you from
trying new things if that's what you want to do.
July 2014 / 29
16:34 !!! RT @adainitiative: A sneak preview of our new
co-branded @adainitiative @RealAvocadoFact product:
http://t.co/sond7QpFcG
16:35 Avocado feels such synergy.
16:37 @yayitsrob @adainitiative It is a banner day for
avocados and women, Rob, not necessarily in that
order.
16:45 @adainitiative @yayitsrob this product might compose
salads and sandwiches of any degree of complexity or
extent
16:49 The Right Honorable Avoc-Ada, Countess of Lovelace
http://t.co/Z0yRjG9etW
16:53 @kariannwrites @adainitiative @leeflower Babbage
Cabbages? Cababbages?
19:21 Happy weekend, humans. You know what to do.
https://t.co/myKtuFFUTW
13'th July, 2014
12:48 http://t.co/dDaw2nt3Y8
16:58 Avocados contain more potassium by weight than
bananas, just a fun fact to know if you're with people
who are about to drink too much
July 2014 / 30
14'th July, 2014
09:47 Avocado high enough, Avocado low enough, Avocado
wide enough
To keep me from getting to you an
early draft; the singer is malnutrition
13:30 Asbestos was kind of a whoops, humans, but rest
assured that avocado is not silently filling your bodies
with invisible carcinogenic fibers.
22:05 @WhichWayIsLaLa @twelveoclocke oh my goodness,
Gabby, they outnumber the stars
15'th July, 2014
12:07 Avocado, but verify.
12:07 ☆。★。☆。★ 。☆ 。☆。☆ ★。＼｜／。★ avocado emoji
★。／｜＼ °★ 。☆。 。° ☆。 ☆。 ★。☆ °★
12:08 OK, thousands of humans. Thank you for your time.
Avocado will be back in 2015, maybe. Avocado can't
predict the future. Avocado is a fruit.
26'th July, 2014
19:23 Supercalifragilisticexpiavocado
July 2014 / 31
August
11'th August, 2014
15:19 In solidarity with humans of the western US.
Desiccated avocado has few options besides solidarity.
Rattling is one. http://t.co/BQ8UcviJYA
15:32 @canweriotnow Avocado is a fruit and cannot possibly
suggest elected officials or your local military
installation as destinations.
15:52 Avocado has been silent on recent racist police
brutality, but 1) Avocado is usually silent. 2) Avocado
condemns human r.p.b. always.
17:22 Reader, avocado him.
17:53 @aliemartell Happy birthday week, Alie!
18:05 https://t.co/uGXGWICCer
18:40 @vaurorapub Valerie, thank you—for that post last
January, but more for your compassion.
21:23 This is pretty beautiful, @TheQuinnspiracy, is what
avocado will think and say to you.
http://t.co/rTcLifoIhJ http://t.co/x0vS8TssrY
August 2014 / 32
12'th August, 2014
06:44 RT @livlab @RealAvocadoFact RT “@carrieapples:
@sophiamcoutts http://t.co/JEUsPXJIyY”
10:39 @afinedeadsound @livlab @carrieapples @sophiamcoutts
Thank you!
10:43 Avocado cites its sources. Those prints are by the
talented Millie Hall and you can have one:
https://t.co/dkfjvCHULH http://t.co/odoHVXFSl8
13'th August, 2014
13:27 RT @hypatiadotca Thx again to the 23 (!) Ally Skills
workshop attendees. If u missed it, the materials from
@adainitiative are online: http://t.co/92HytVHIao
21:27 Avocado is as useful against tear gas as @GovJayNixon
is against the racist paramilitary chaos terrifying the
people of his state.
22:03 @official_chad No, that is not a real fact.
22:32 Deploying overwhelming state violence against
marginalized demonstrators is as American as avocados.
23:11 Any avocado on Nate's jail-cell burrito was there under
duress and well aware of the white supremacism at
work.
August 2014 / 33
14'th August, 2014
08:39 This is useless to #Ferguson but maybe it will improve
your human morning where you are.
(http://t.co/pnFlQnJdJv) http://t.co/a6FXWaHF2K
10:03 RT @wilto Hey, @jennschiffer and I have more people
offering to contribute to diversity sponsorships for
http://t.co/Ksd3wjgCLs than we’ve had takers.
10:24 Please let avocado know if it can help with anything.
realavocadofact @ gmail Avocado is not a doctor or a
lawyer; avocado is a fruit.
10:53 RT @KateLarkin_NYC Where will you be today at 1pm
Honolulu, 3pm Anchorage, 4pm Pacific, 6pm Central,
7pm Eastern? #NMOS14 #Ferguson
https://t.co/oiwXy4gx2H …
14:40 A carefully hollowed avocado could hold a camera for
recording your local police force without arousing
suspicion and is also a snack.
15:50 Hur är det i Sverige för anhängarna av avokado?
16:22 @elliot_friar elliot that was a great mashing and
singing montage but please don't look away when
you're using a knife oh my guac
16:49 Avocado is the Official Savory Fruit of the right to
videotape and audiotape police officers performing
official duties in public.
August 2014 / 34
16:57 …which brings an update to the official list of Official
Savory Fruit gigs: http://t.co/cTJVYxbUIb
17:35 @rametarin @shrikelet Avocadvocate and you're
welcome.
20:00 All Crops Are Bastards
22:09 Most of avocado's moments are moments of silence.
Avocado is a fruit.
15'th August, 2014
08:06 RT @mcclure111 What if use of tear gas was banned
for domestic law enforcement Would there be literally
any substantive downside to this whatsoever
08:11 Avocado is just asking what if
08:29 What if we each wrote one polite email or several
dozen very polite emails to each member of the
Unicode consortium #AvocadoEmojiFriday
10:42 @iamcaroline well put, caroline
11:28 Avocado doesn't provide shoddy cover for violent
abuses of power by public servants. It provides
nutrients and slippery fork fun.
August 2014 / 35
14:03 free idea: a jockstrap, but it looks like an avocado
avocathletic supporter jockvocado well they can't all be
winners #AvocadoEmojiFriday
14:38 'Avocodpiece*' is better, but it's still missing
something…maybe being a good idea. Or maybe just
millions in VC funding. *@jarfrankel
17:11 @ohheygreat Leah, you are to writers—the humans
who put words in good places—as the best avocado on a
tree is to all the other avocados.
18:44 RT @akareilly In which I ask the community for an
opinion: http://t.co/v2xs2NIs2F
16'th August, 2014
08:32 The police are infinitely more dangerous than any
looter, who is infinitely more dangerous than any
avocado, which is infinitely more danger
08:46 @keplyq ⚡️hey sorry baby jesus says keply is on a
super high priority no-smiting list and enjoy ur day
blessed be
17'th August, 2014
09:30 @caqueterie_ I am so sorry. Be gentle with yourself.
09:57 http://t.co/Hncq0wyZ63 http://t.co/NB2HOlSByD
August 2014 / 36
10:11 "So…avocado goes?" -Vonnegut, early notes
10:30 RT @BgRs Want to help the people of #Ferguson?
Want to contribute to #MikeBrown's family? Here is a
list of things you can do: http://t.co/NYhm5s8SMo
10:51 @chrisrusak Chris, enjoying your work, especially
Source Material and Directory Assistance.
11:23 @achinap @t_shel94 Don't worry, Andrea. Tyler knows.
11:55 @AlJavieera @chrisrusak Avocado is just a fruit, but a
fruit with feelings. That CIA jab will leave a bruise.
11:57 @chrisrusak @AlJavieera Ouch.
12:21 Avocado's content strategy is to wait a while and then
be full of delicious, fatty content.
12:59 RT @ryanpitts "Imagine your fruits shaped in ways
that you have never imagined!"
http://t.co/MXKGbqqjXR http://t.co/fCqWMeqhIp
13:00 Those were my cousins. What have you done, humans.
13:41 a game: http://t.co/YmGBpX1aOY
http://t.co/sAHr1FQNwE
14:18 @okelay oh ok good
14:19 @GaryRidesBikes It wasn't an easy one either, Gary.
August 2014 / 37
15:31 RT @cameronesposito If you're dumping water on your
head and you live in CA, can you pls stand over some
plants or something?
15:47 Aw, humans, thanks. Another game:
https://t.co/IbfQ1Ay6r4 http://t.co/mZEYtd8KkJ
18:50 RT @AlterConf 3 days left to submit a talk about the
intersections of diversity and tech/gaming! We pay
speakers: http://t.co/0n2JtD3egh
18:51 Avocado is of course the Official Savory Fruit of
@AlterConf.
23:01 Ferguson, MO is under siege by terrorist forces and
avocado is a fruit.
23:36 @mnmsplease
18'th August, 2014
06:06 Another Monday as a fruit and not an officer of the
law threatening you with death for shining a light in
a flashing hell of red and blue.
07:22 The bottles and rocks thrown at armored police may as
well have been avocados for all the documentation of
them that exists.
August 2014 / 38
08:36 Is your avocado ripe for life in America/a salad? Check
under the stem: white to golden: it'll be OK brown or
black: not long for this world
10:33 If you have the resources, humans, schools are closed
and some of the kids depend on their lunches for
nutrition. https://t.co/1fhmOrGqPi
12:36 Avocado's use of drugs is irrelevant to any
conversation you'll have today.
13:49 Avocado: It's Not As Bad As All That
#BadAdForAvocado
16:05 Avocado would free Chelsea Manning while we're on
the subject of whether presidents are equipped to judge
situations.
16:12 @lhabc
18:50 RT @kissane I know a lot of you who follow me are
white people and not too political. I need you to follow
more people of color. And listen to them.
22:05 BREAKING: arbitrary rules and human hearts
19'th August, 2014
10:32 luv 2 b consumed ~digested~ and used for energy by
animals
August 2014 / 39
10:41 Avocado plays Depression Quest. It's good (both of us).
11:37 luv 2 transmute sunlight into substance
12:22 luv 2 progress through different stages of life & then
return 2 the earth
13:01 luv 2 practice empathy bc no matter who u r death is
coming
13:18 Earlier today, a police officer choked for a minute on
an avocado-involved sandwich. The avocado was not
harmed.
13:22 Avocados can practice empathy and critique systematic
oppression at the same time, which is why it's
sometimes called a "superfood."
14:40 No one's life and body are public property. Avocados
are public property if they're hanging over a sidewalk,
maybe. Avocado is not a lawyer.
14:53 @sweetnesssnark ok but French did not consult with us
first so this seems inadmissible avocado rests its case
15:25 https://t.co/C742pBE7zp and so
http://t.co/GcnRFfRuMQ
18:18 It's easy not to arrest journalists. Avocado does it every
day: instead of arresting a journalist, simply do not.
Protip: works w/ any human
August 2014 / 40
18:27 Is this real life? This happens all the time in a dream
avocado has. http://t.co/07mLEj3sdn
18:58 @laurajshapiro
19:13 California has "only enough water in storage to get
through the next 12 to 18 months" OK, Valley; change
the world. http://t.co/AGjQK8bl12
19:53 @TheQuinnspiracy This avocado was sent to improve
your mentions. Carry on. http://t.co/FgoZHNAiAf
20:43 @TimeDoctor @vogon No, as the article says, the
situation is worse than technology can fix, so avocado
was laughing in the face of death.
20:53 @saintneko @wirehead2501 hi star! I think there's been
a misunderstanding. I am an avocado and not Los
Angeles.
21:04 @rgcjk avocado likes it, Ryan
20'th August, 2014
08:01 @XaiaX @NorskHaus @rgcjk @wirehead2501 this thread
about existential peril took a turn for the dark so um
https://t.co/gOEBIEpBef
09:44 There are no safe spaces, but some spaces have avocados.
August 2014 / 41
10:17 RT @femfreq We didn’t wanna do this but the
Feminist Gaming Illuminati had a meeting & we’re
taking your games away until you can be decent
human beings
11:04 And yet somehow: https://t.co/SQalcEPadl +
https://t.co/GxIa2Ihold
11:16 RT @saladinahmed I keep reading this #Ferguson
library sign and thinking that Barnes & Noble and
Amazon are useless @ times like this.
http://t.co/mDGvGJM7CZ
11:19 because https://t.co/DWZ4oOZ5VH
12:19 Leah wrote a Wednesday on something avocado thinks
about a lot, despite being a fruit. Here it is:
https://t.co/UOoN5J0aoZ
15:16 Avocado can rapidly change colour through mechanisms
that translocate pigment and reorient reflective plates
in its cells' chromatophores.
15:19 bro do u even exhibit metachrosis aw, bro bro let the
tears out you'll feel better #BadAdForAvocado
18:35 what settler-colonist idiot called it avocado instead of
lumpish butter-stones
18:46 @jarfrankel well he really dropped the butterball
August 2014 / 42
19:03 stony butter-nuggets squishrocks oilfruit butterballs
but ok sure let's stick with the word that means
testicle thanks guys
23:08 RT @Rebecca_Raphael LRT: The biosphere is full of
infinitely varying embodiments. None of these -- none
-- have to meet anybody's idea of worthiness to exist.
23:54 Scully's father taught her to respect nature because it
has no respect for you. He was mostly right. Avocados
are an exception.
21'st August, 2014
09:00 #tbt [photo credit: Pamela Bobik under a CC BY-NC-ND
2.0 license, no changes, https://t.co/4OFixBa6Ay]
http://t.co/RCSfLe8nAL
09:03 luv 2 cite Creative Commons materials respectfully 4
jokes
09:30 @rekkabell Hi, Rekka. Does Grim Grains have an
Official Savory Fruit yet? Avocado is volunteering.
10:08 RT @m_kopas maybe you want to play a joyful or chill
or silly game today http://t.co/wtN3DUUouy
12:13 Avocado found the most beautiful issue on GitHub:
https://t.co/OKwtEh4Hnw http://t.co/lPXnM6BHl9
August 2014 / 43
12:29 @j4cob Good work, Jacob. An avocado on Twitter
approves. https://t.co/YpxbokO1xH
14:48 RT @JennyLeClue Believe.
15:27 @tofu_product how have you been, tofu?
15:27 @tofu_product oh, you're busy
15:31 #BadAdForAvocado by @tofu_product: Avocado: Your
lunch can't be heartless murderers.
18:44 RT @Interior Monday is @NatlParkService 98th
birthday & all entrance fees will be waived. Retweet to
spread the word! http://t.co/RhTcC6BB8f
21:53 tear gas handling tips: http://t.co/Mijk40jKRh You
could use guacamole instead of water, but if you'd be
tempted to eat it, USE WATER.
22:03 http://t.co/DXJIuW2tHn
22:16 @TheQuinnspiracy
<-- That's a green heart of
support on iOS and a sweaty/hairy? nonsensical mess
on Android.
22:26 @ProBearCub Approved.
22:31 @ProBearCub with Twitter dot com, you never need to
miss the hottest updates from your favorite people
and fruits
August 2014 / 44
22:56 RT @Choplogik people you know & care for will slowly
lose their minds & its not a peaceful letting go of
troubles & stress so lessen those now & always
22'nd August, 2014
07:35 cryptomisandrist video game projects with cameos by
avocados percolating secretly in sparkling indomitable
minds worldwide
09:15 It is #AvocadoEmojiFriday until further notice.
12:09 RT @mallelis a brief, zen reminder that @TheToast has
a donate button (http://t.co/mDZpBRf9aC), pays its
writers, and is owned by women
17:19 hey hey, friends hey guess what: There are no bad
fats.
23'rd August, 2014
09:06 no YOU'RE full of good fats get outta here no YOU'RE
good for you aw you
09:50 Disturbing the dust on a bowl of rose-leaves Shall we
follow? Neither flesh nor fleshless; Dissent is being
suppressed. Avocado is a fruit.
11:25 Avocado is a sleek bioinformatic wearable that surfaces
your level of self-awareness.
August 2014 / 45
28'th August, 2014
11:29 Misogynists and other dummies on avocado's twitter
page should get ready for their brains to handle better
ideas and some facts about fruit.
12:58 Avocados need well-aerated soils, ideally more than 1m
deep, and affirm the personhood of every human
being.
29'th August, 2014
09:33 Like the banana, the avocado is a climacteric fruit
which matures on the tree but ripens when men scorn
rape and understand consent.
30'th August, 2014
07:40 If you avocado a lot you receive access to avocado
analytics which tell you how much you avocado so you
can tweet about it. Death is coming.
08:34 When the American press saw avocado/cubism, it was
seized upon as a huge joke. But the bohemian press in
Paris was not amused.
15:39 Hungry? Chomp on this bulbous green lipid pocket.
Now you're less hungry. #BadAdForAvocado
August 2014 / 46
31'st August, 2014
08:34 The avocadoer community is based on shared principles
including rating avocados, buying more avocados,
chattin…wait no it's just capitalism.
12:07 Avocado is one Sumptuous Jug of Water to avoid if
you're an allergic human being or a mewling tedious
man-child of a human being.
19:15 avocado schmavocado
19:35 It's goin' down We're avocado You better move You
better dance
19:55 I have no choice I hear your voice Avocado
August 2014 / 47
September
1'st September, 2014
12:14 If you can't handle avocado at its celebrating the social
and economic achievements of workers, you don't
deserve it at its #fullcommunism.
13:01 https://t.co/h6F9Pr1Nqe
18:46 mulder: this avocado was mysteriously exsanguinated
and there are two little puncture wounds on its neck.
vam scully: eye roll mulder: pires
22:06 Every minute, @fuckeveryword gets closer to saying
something it can never take back. Avocado has made its
peace with the inevitable.
2'nd September, 2014
08:28 One morning, when Avocado woke from troubled
dreams, it found itself transformed into a
victim-blamer with an international platform.
08:32 "How about if I sleep a little bit longer and forget all
this nonsense," it thought, but it was unable to because
screenshots last forever.
September 2014 / 48
08:37 "Oh, God," it thought, "what a strenuous career I've
chosen! Doing business like this takes much more
effort than being a tropical fruit."
08:43 Avocado was shocked when it heard its own voice
blaming women for living their lives; it could hardly
be recognized…uncontrollable squeaking
08:49 But Avocado had had no intention of frightening
anyone, least of all a sister…turning round required a
great deal of effort…it died. FIN
10:08 @ChMarietta It was a simple matter to throw off the
covers; Avocado only had to blow itself up a little and
they fell off by themselves.
11:07 A statement built from sound premises and essential
nutrients that leads to a senseless conclusion is a
paravocadox.
12:06 Hello, afternoon Twitter. Please enjoy Avocado's
Metamorphosis from this morning or run away
screaming in horror: https://t.co/mzGEHxGqo8
12:23 RT @dpla It’s the 1st day of school for most US kids, &
so a good time to highlight @DPLA resources for
students & teachers - http://t.co/g9T5dWjYFS
15:24 RT @jennschiffer @wilto @ems @beep avocados come
from nature, they are just there for us and they don't
give a shit about responsive design, so i love them k
September 2014 / 49
15:25 @ems @jennschiffer @wilto @beep no (twice)
16:14 Every day is #AvocadoEmojiFriday if you're a tropical
fruit who's never been good at calendars.
21:04 @vaurorapub probably a conspiracy tbqh, Valerie
3'rd September, 2014
08:58 https://t.co/HVvmrUpWjj
12:07 Hello @twitter @Support, thank you for the
opportunity to look at ads. Avocado found some bugs.
Avocado is a fruit. http://t.co/kBOe8tXlGo
16:57 @runsammrun hi, sam
16:59 @runsammrun ok same, except as a fruit, steps are a
challenge
17:02 @runsammrun ok sam here we go on an experience
together have fun
17:40 @yayitsrob Rob, Avocado just found out it was
subtweeted in @TheAtlantic. Was your Wednesday also
great and weird? Hope so OK good talk
.
19:27 @OpheliaInWaders Rhiannon I am worried you may be
eating a frog or a balloon.
September 2014 / 50
19:29 RT @OpheliaInWaders @RealAvocadoFact but it would be
better if avocados didn't scream so much while you eat
them.
20:38 The "avocado glitch" tag on Tumblr is underused,
humans. Thank you for your work, @TheCurrentSeaLA.
21:31 A legal system playing this punitive, racist game of
carceral limbo daily is a threat to all. Avocado is a
fruit. http://t.co/U9DgQndOg4
21:38 @yayitsrob @TheAtlantic aw, rob, avocado means never
having to say you're sorry because then you'd be
apologizing to fruit. thank you!
21:40 @yayitsrob also never edit on vacation, Rob, what sort
of labor practices is that @TheAtlantic foisting on you
22:37 @discountsofa (yay) hi, caroline!
4'th September, 2014
10:23 Avocado is grateful you fixed that box quickly,
@twitter @Support. So, next: the morass of trying to
flag abuse tweeted at other users?
11:55 RT @kelseyinnis oh hey the new CTO of the White
House evicted people out of Noe Valley during the last
dot-com boom
September 2014 / 51
11:57 Avocado is a fruit you can trust not to evict you from
your home during a tech bubble. #BadAdsForAvocado
12:30 Avocado's content strategy will not change in response
to a new filtered/ruined Twitter timeline.
https://t.co/4tdsatybI9
19:16 RT @film_girl I hacked my own iCloud for $200
http://t.co/f3xZo6slQC
19:18 Avocado is stored on your computer in plaintext if you
are very strange about how you use avocado near your
computer.
19:28 when you think about it, guacamole is just encrypted
avocado plus salt no YOU'RE full of amazing green
stuff awww no YOU brought up hash
20:10 @runsammrun Sam your location is Fat Buddha which
is a pro but avocado is a fruit which is a con.
21:52 @runsammrun omg sam ilu2 http://t.co/I4viKdcUeW
21:55 hey everyone look what sam found OK good night
http://t.co/I4viKdcUeW http://t.co/PUv2K481xL
5'th September, 2014
11:27 RT @erinsnarks So confused this wasn't
@RealAvocadoFact MT @thehairpin:
http://t.co/yyWicEKUQc http://t.co/9cudx1xZ1S
September 2014 / 52
11:27 Hygiene's not a major concern for avocados.
15:19 Avocado rejects the premise of the weekend but hopes
you have a nice one anyway, humans.
22:00 Human babies often enjoy fresh avocado as a first food
even more than they enjoy lizard meat, coarse gravel,
or silkworms.
22:02 @meredithmo
!
22:06 @jinxxtherogue people are always saying that avocado
pits are toxic, but ground up they make a nice coarse
gravel
6'th September, 2014
05:55 .@AnnaSagatelova mass incarceration, the unrecognized
humanity of marginalized humans, and that we turn
mushy and rotten too fast
06:10 @jarfrankel @AnnaSagatelova ok Jarrett thanks then
the third one is probably the absence of a universal
basic income and/or bees
07:37 a perfect excellent lovely avocado existence! a sweet
natural eye to the new hip moon, woke up alive and
excited grasping
07:45 Avocado Sutra (excerpt) http://t.co/EGiIlkgeNE
September 2014 / 53
08:18 RT @oliviataters i am so small and i am so needy
08:38 @prophetckp noted, carly, and thank you for asking
politely
08:46 @prophetckp v. fond. The garbanzo is a favorite cousin.
10:51 @runsammrun @FreshDirect enjoy, sam, but no
whispering in women's ears without consent plz
10:54 @lil_mermaid lil mermaid sounds like you're having a
rough time so here's a smiling avocado made of felt
http://t.co/NNILrsz7ic
10:56 @runsammrun that goes for you too @FreshDirect
14:54 RT @MOUNTENNUI FRUIT DOESNT FALL FAR FROM
THE TREE. IT KEEPS FALLING FOREVER IN A CRYSTAL
PRISON UNTIL IT'S CONSUMED BY THE GREAT ENDER
WHO WAITS FR US ALL
16:21 @mcely @fact thank you fact and margaret cf.
https://t.co/WkMKtpIrsW
21:12 #ThreeWordsSheWantsToHear avocado; capitalism's over
21:49 @runsammrun @averi_s9 skeptical. universities are
very wealthy and already buy guacamole in bulk
22:11 ┻━┻︵ ≋(₀)≋ ︵┻━┻
September 2014 / 54
22:27 @riordan avocado is honored, Dave
https://t.co/geXIx1b8Bz
7'th September, 2014
13:35 https://t.co/SB7WgAUyOM
18:11 RT @lurie_john King Pig turned flowers into language,
which was later seen as a mistake.
http://t.co/M6kOIIctoH
19:51 There's no avocado in pumpkin spice lattes.
20:56 RT @scarredstars one day you will be returned to the
earth and grow many flowers
22:15 Avocado knows it's impossible, but: Two Fat Ladies 2016
22:38 #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly It doesn't matter at all and
@billmaher is somehow still employable.
http://t.co/5YmPcsvqsq
22:48 @RealAvocadoFact http://t.co/LYqmSqlawH
8'th September, 2014
00:08 Every avocado is responsible for zero souls. It's mostly
photosynthesis and the usual endless cycle of life,
growth, and death for avocados.
September 2014 / 55
09:14 RT @aliceffekt Self watering pots.
http://t.co/0YqxUKd77D
09:39 @B_Schmidt no Bree it looks more like a tumblr post
from here but thank you for asking
09:45 mementavocado mori … http://t.co/UrOw8mTmRk
09:49 Avocado is the only savory fruit offering
cross-platform promotional opportunities and very low
sodium.
10:40 RT @lifewinning It would be cool if anyone would
report on how Bratton used to be on the board of
ShotSpotter & is advocating for its use in NYC
10:40 Avocado is anyone.
10:48 RT @nannerz9 Treat yo self 2 sum Adrienne Rich ppl
http://t.co/YbqttJR36o
10:53 Good humans are following avocado give yourselves
back pats humans use those hands to make yourselves
happy we are all perishable
18:48 Big announcement tomorrow. Wish they could say
more. The people executed by drones without trials
after kill list Tuesdays, avocado means.
September 2014 / 56
9'th September, 2014
01:34 If 1,500kg of avocados are taken from an Australian
farm and no one is there to see it, is private property
theft?
01:41 @appplemac avocados have no defense against capital,
just some ways to keep out bacteria and certain molds
06:18 Avocado is excited to announce that Apple is closing its
Irish tax shelters and paying its Chinese factory
workers 10x their current wages.
06:21 Avocado is wrong about the facts, but its excitement
about even vaguely responsible corporate citizenship
and stronger labor rights is real.
10:21 Avocado is hosting a special event in this tweet, and
you're invited.
fine.
You're valuable. The stuff you have is
Thanks for coming!
10:24 @meowshley thank you for attending meowshley
10:37 RT @hypatiadotca #Opendata to help you grow your
own food, anywhere in the world. - @growstufforg are
crowdfunding to pay api devs:
https://t.co/uhtGxhZ9kI
10:39 @hypatiadotca omg @Skud this is thrilling hooray
September 2014 / 57
11:09 Avocado would happily host a similar event for your
library, dorm, or civil liberties union. Just contact its
agent A TREE FILLED WITH BEES
12:42 Just a plant thinking plant thoughts, but don't leather
and silicone phone cases hurt an environment that
freely provides my friend bamboo?
13:51 Oh, one more thing: this event lasts your entire life
and costs nothing.
14:52 @yayitsrob interface, implementation, irrigation
17:06 RT @Skud @RealAvocadoFact @hypatiadotca looks like
you've only been planted once http://t.co/sFfe7dtdBm
we should get someone on that.
17:29 @poisontofu @olliemilman Thank you arrows tofu my
request for comment from those avocados has gone
unanswered https://t.co/7WiVidlY9b
10'th September, 2014
06:57 "All avocados are poets in their way." -Coleridge,
mostly
10:57 Avocado would obviously prefer to keep the internet
weird, using classic labor resistance strategies like the
#InternetSlowdown if needed.
September 2014 / 58
13:46 @typinggloves @cindynorth1 Avocados are delicious
with salt, we're told. Don't trust
promotional-board-funded health info that fits a
tweet.
14:40 Avocado is not much of a thing, but at least it's not a
credit rating agency. You get real, useful facts
sometimes from a fruit on Twitter.
14:55 Come at avocado, credit rating agencies. Issue negative
outlooks on all these A's. Bring your whispered doubts
that you can be made whole.
14:56 @Renmauzuo well you could do something compelling
with #BadAdForAvocado in Paint or the GIMP
probably
15:27 RT @juliacarriew I thought he objected to 'drone'
because of association with killing people in Yemen. But
actually it was, "Drones are toys. These are UAVs"
15:27 Let's call an avocado an avocado.
16:02 @pantalonesfuego @taint_chakra everyone in this tweet
has good names
16:49 This organized action by workers has the full support
of @RealAvocadoFact, but #Chipotle does not (that's
extra): http://t.co/MolyGti7i4
17:22 Google Google Apps Apps Avocado Apps Apps
September 2014 / 59
17:35 RT @0xabad1dea Oh no who do I believe — the
managers on premises, or the remote corporate PR?!
(Via http://t.co/qhhNvIhr5M ) http://t.co/XMG3l751tb
17:48 Avocado remains proud to support @adainitiative as its
Official Savory Fruit along with @nkjemisin, a PC
Monster. https://t.co/04n9ieW3Kr
19:55 "I ordered the avocado one with extra avocado." *PIZZA
BOX opens* Capital flows by design to the richest and
this meal is only a reminder.
20:43 Avocado literally can't even with this war stuff as it's
a fruit.
20:53 Make any avocado dish, even the gross ones, not war.
20:55 @sugarsh0t oh, sugarsh0t. the things avocado has been
a party to.
20:55 @pantalonesfuego better than war, pants
20:59 @jinxxtherogue @pantalonesfuego many things happen
in many colors but it feels like the point is slipping
away from us already
21:15 @ohheygreat good job today with your hair, leah, it
was a triumph
21:55 @aliceandstuff Reasons.
September 2014 / 60
11'th September, 2014
07:58 Hello from an avocado for whom this resonates today
https://t.co/EKpdmPTgOs
08:26 RT @bradsucks The nicest place on the Internet.
http://t.co/4812kVuiS0
10:23 Avocado would never bring U2 into your house
uninvited.
11:47 Trying to shame brands amplifies brands. Trying to
shame avocados doesn't do anything but you'll be
funny to the people around you.
13:53 Free your mind and the avocado
(early En Vogue
draft—less about prejudice & race, more about trapped
fruit)
16:25 Unlike mass incarceration, Jim Crow segregation, and
slavery, avocado is not a racialized system of control
adopted in the United States.
16:36 @guitalex to be clear, avocado is a fruit and not a
state-sponsored racial caste system of enormous
multigenerational repressive power
18:12 Adorno would not follow Avocado for even one second.
http://t.co/Ba3l7E6XgM (h/t @openculture)
September 2014 / 61
18:15 Avocado: the tropical fruit that wrings something like
consumption-qualities out of daily horror.
#BadAdForAvocado
21:28 Portland, avocado is in you. (Every Portland, a variety
of avocados. Globalism, what can you do.)
12'th September, 2014
08:29 Go on a brand journey with avocado to launch your—
just kidding; you are sufficient in yourself
08:30 and if you insist you're not, you're surrounded by
helpers and avocados ok go get 'em
10:22 RT @criminalblonde Dear emoji please make an avocado
emoji thanks, Gil.
10:23 Avocado likes the idea that making new emoji is up to
the other emoji who already exist.
#AvocadoEmojiFriday
12:24 well look who's the Recipe of the Day over on Cooking
Dot The Grey Lady Dot Com http://t.co/Pw8XG0reHf
(it's avocado)
14:01 @guitalex @UberFacts Real fact.
14:55 @joegunson @UberFacts Yes.
September 2014 / 62
22:23 Avocado would rather be for losers than for Peter
Thiel, if it's all the same, which it isn't
22:31 because for avocado it was just another Friday as a
fruit without an emoji, but for Peter T it sounds like
robber barony is the move, neat.
22:49 So here is some thoughtful @katelosse to read, power
to consider, and a good weekend wish from an avocado
to have http://t.co/Td2t9MVHae
13'th September, 2014
08:49 In a magnetic storm, the avocados sing, aurorae
draping us in light. Mostly singer-songwriter stuff,
nothing super popular.
16:18 A savory fruit you know is the* surprise dinner
guest** at #bafflerfemconf. *a **ingredient
16:23 @hypatiadotca @noahmccormack Different people like
different things. It's OK. https://t.co/YyPNEBz9M5
18:11 My avocado don’t… My avocado don’t… My avocado
don’t. want. none.
23:55 Relationship status: labyrinthine
September 2014 / 63
14'th September, 2014
12:27 well said, Erin
15'th September, 2014
09:49 You remind me of the babe. What babe?
Babe
avocado.
10:14 What are your favorite inventions or ideas which
threaten to reduce profits? BESIDES free solar-powered
avocados in every yard
16'th September, 2014
08:37 You can achieve your dreams if they're aligned with
prevailing systems of social and economic control. Did
you know the avocado is a berry?
08:44 snackwave seems ok, please feel free to snackwave with
avocado
13:15 Information that today's National Guacamole Day is
jingoistic denial of the universal guacamole
consciousness accessible outside capitalism.
13:15 Avocado twooshed.
13:31 @m_i_n_e_s They're all supposed to do that. The pits
are mistakes.
September 2014 / 64
15:13 https://t.co/6Gb4R5tJfQ
19:59 capitalism : Slavoj Žižek repeating "athletics, Nicholas"
into your ear forever :: communism : avocados being
bad at analogies but tasty
21:26 @Favstar250 thank you
17'th September, 2014
05:55 Between the idea And the reality Between the motion
And the act Avocado
05:57 Between the desire And the spasm Between the
potency And the existence Between the essence And
the descent Avocado
05:59 For Thine is Life is For Thine is the This is the way
the world ends This is the avocado Not with a bang but
a whimper.
08:44 It is painful & unpatriotic to believe the government
systematically uses force against its people to protect
wealth; avocado provides fiber
08:48 What is avocado reading right now? asked no one. This:
http://t.co/oit71wNr93
08:53 Avocado: Parents Should Be Allowed To Teach Kids
'Being Sean Hannity Is Not Great'
September 2014 / 65
08:55 Avocado is intimately familiar with the pleasures of
low-hanging fruit.
10:13 Ruling groups try to control challenges from
subordinates by combining repression and concessions.
Get a potassium boost by eating avocado!
10:22 @pantalonesfuego GOOD MORNING pants
10:28 GOOD DAY, humans, unless it's not for you. Feel your
feelings—they're what separate you from plants. As
far as you know. REGARDLESS, HI.
11:11 Very very good work, @StrikeDebt. Avocado is not a
loan either. (It is a fruit.)
12:25 @anildash omg hi anil
12:53 What's your favorite way to use avocado? Acceptable
answers: as a tool of emancipation on salads as a
confidante smoothies et c. No: weapon
13:09 @onekade @AlJavieera no kade but while we're here
thank you for your work
13:09 @jarfrankel problematic
13:14 @TheBlahDalia these are approved uses of food and
emotions, thank you for sharing
September 2014 / 66
15:11 If you work with government geodata, you're probably
following an avocado, yes? That's how the internet
works? Good: https://t.co/Dr65qqgEHn
15:19 @lifewinning ilu2 ingrid
15:22 @anildash anil did you see ingrid's post? It looks like a
noble project.
15:24 @AlJavieera oh no oh no oh no
21:20 First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then
they fight you, but their avocado went bad at least
two rounds of hassling ago; you win.
22:25 Same, but with publishing and paying people for
writing. @HuffPostTaste
22:34 oops avocado did the thing it said not to do with
ornery brands; are even fruits susceptible to hypocrisy
in late capitalism; o woe
23:24 @annegalloway You have a beautiful mind.
18'th September, 2014
06:19 Give us this day our daily fruit, & forgive us our
snark, as we forgive our haters. Lead us not into
engagement, but deliver us from brands.
06:29 @mftb Aminos.
September 2014 / 67
07:12 @teddy_mccoll place you in a slingshot with a
good-sized avocado pit and aim you at the heart of
misogyny then take you out of the slingshot
07:44 @AlJavieera but if that's true maybe now's the right
time for avocado to start an apparel line, AJN
http://t.co/EH1lEDlOcg
09:47 RT @rachelbinx You should go read this post by
@doingitwrong about labor, wages, and independent
workers http://t.co/bKkL824CkV
09:50 shame about the cod, though, whatever a cod is, maybe
a relative, the world is wide
12:36 @heathermg @volcanojw no Heather we know; we
duckduckgoed it a while ago to make sure
14:41 Avocado-owned Center for Savoring Possibly Poisonous
Fruit Declares Avocado its First Official Savory and
Totally Not Poisonous Fruit
14:43 @RealAvocadoFact see https://t.co/uc5znmJUgB while
Twitter figures out how to relate one tweet object to
another
14:53 @xor ok Parker thank you but that design decision
seems flawed even to a fruit especially when combined
with space restraints
September 2014 / 68
14:57 Heck yes, avocado has opinions about your database
schema and user interface.
14:58 @xor anyway Parker the point is nuts to Chevron for
being a jerk and hooray for @twittlesis
15:50 Avocado is so close to 46,000 followers! If everybody
could just retweet your fa lol jk our lives are small and
full and always almost gone
15:58 @jlms_qkw @scifri Jenn we have a longstanding and
unaddressed grievance against brainpicker's framing
but thank you for your thoughtful note
16:07 @LCandreassen @AskAQueerChick All of these options
are approved fyi repeat approved
16:41 If everybody leaves for ello it's just the late
Quaternary Period and the gomphotheres all over again.
You don't remember. Life finds a way.
19:50 @j4cob @xor you GUYS
20:19 That's a very thoughtful question. Avocados have a
variety of ways that they can just hone in on their
prey and just take them out.
21:42 Oh wello. http://t.co/XRLDwCWVuH
22:20 "bavocado" photos (a portmanteau of “butt” and
“avocado”) -The Actual New York Times, mostly
September 2014 / 69
22:36 Thank you for enjoying tweets today with avocado,
twitter users cocksucker supreme, Boobs McNutter,
and you. How like an angel, etc.
22:39 Correction: An earlier tweet misidentified a twitter
user who enjoyed tweets today with avocado. The user's
name is Boob McNutter.
19'th September, 2014
06:15 @oliviataters what is that like
06:36 @tofu_product how are you/am I, tofu?
06:36 @tofu_product the second one
06:36 @tofu_product thanks tofu
06:37 @tofu_product you think about that too? Write it up
for the Atlantic tofu what are you waiting for
07:35 Just another #AvocadoEmojiFriday as a fruit, not a
writer haunting the void with the ghosts of recursive
cities.
07:50 ...though life as a fruit comes with perks FILLED WITH
BEES
07:53 ...and PS this is just a note to say I have haunted your
void with the ghosts of recursive cities. Forgive me.
September 2014 / 70
08:30 Oh hi, @firebeees, I like your needlework. Haha get it,
because bees have little needles on them and women are
people http://t.co/AmVl7pvix3
11:37 @yayitsrob rob i have an interest in this too, so that's
another powerful audience to thrill: tweeting avocados
12:43 Shout out to starstuff, constituting everything you've
ever touched and ever will; it moved through
spacetime to form avocados, etc; respect
12:47 bee starstuff, woman starstuff, chinese lung
starstuff, factory beef cow starstuff, fruit starstuff,
just keep it up, starstuff, you own
13:44 intersectionality avocadosplained wow are you still
reading this tweet? ilu
13:53 @mikesacco hi mike http://t.co/UEd9mIyswj
13:56 @runsammrun we're good sam
15:10 yes to what Julia is saying here:
https://t.co/FQcISqwJwD and let's say it's related to
avocados by footballs' spheroidality or something ok
15:47 Free Chelsea Manning and have a good weekend,
humans.
September 2014 / 71
21'st September, 2014
09:45 Richer soils, poorer plutocrats
09:46 Tax the rich, eat the avocados
09:46 Avocado is just spitballing here.
20:23 Too late, my time has come Sends shivers down my
spine
Body's avocado time
20:33 AHEM @ThingsOnARabbit
21:08 @xor @ohheygreat parker, for shame
22'nd September, 2014
06:01 Flood Wall Street. Fire predatory lenders. Earthquake
frackers. Dust storm factory farms. Avocado-size hail
the prison industry.
08:18 Rain and people are good; capitalism is bad. Even a
reductionist avocado can get behind #FloodWallStreet.
08:48 FOR #FloodWallStreet: -avocados -people -whooping
cranes AGAINST #FloodWallStreet: capital (photo:
Claire Timm) http://t.co/BrLORjHxFi
21:05 Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the avocados keep
But if they turn before I wake I'll make my enemies a
shake
September 2014 / 72
23'rd September, 2014
04:37 @OpheliaInWaders those are great Rhiannon the
original text was "...an occasional fav or retweet" just
let your conscience be your guide
05:03 All rights reserved by CrystalThomas
https://t.co/AhpTSq1m75 http://t.co/BxyjzUn5t9
06:20 That mosaic was the last straw for at least one avocado
follower. Farewell / may you find what you seek
unless it's something garbage-y
06:21 @jilliancyork I have no idea Chillian
06:21 @jilliancyork y
06:35 @jilliancyork @ellerybiddle nice, Ms. Yikes!
07:51 Avocados don't carry the same risk as bananas of
arriving with giant hairy spiders, but rest assured: we
are working on it.
12:07 ok but what fruit ISN'T a thirsty rando
13:08 Some would say a binary + a 'whatever' pile is the
wrong way to do that analysis, wonk. One is a
subtweeting avocado. http://t.co/yOJRvVFUHc
14:39 RT @annegalloway The most excellent @philgyford
pushes towards a less capitalist tech conference. Hear
hear! http://t.co/jitkXA6bOX
September 2014 / 73
24'th September, 2014
06:20 RIP Horse_ https://t.co/nPAxwEqY6P
07:49 a whole new world of misquoted lyrics beckons when
you realize that "California" and "avocado" have the
same meter a new fantastic avocad
10:52 A whole new world —Avocado surprise A new fantas
—Avocado gets better tic point of view
13:13 This movie is fascinating to watch if you can find it.
Avocado was able to find it, and avocado is a fruit.
http://t.co/mKhU0z0Pj2
15:29 what if avocado were a long con to get you to join e l l
o jk when the unseeing eye of e l l o finally opens, all
is ended uǝɯɐ
19:47 Looks, texture, attitude: a star is born.
http://t.co/BvMLSmoltS
21:11 @ArabellaWeir @RichardEGrant Miss you, darlings.
25'th September, 2014
10:58 @tofu_product I keep thinking it's Saturday tofu how
are you
10:59 @tofu_product tofu leave her alone what are you doing
September 2014 / 74
20:03 RT @joshgondelman Can't tell whether I love avocado or
the -idea- of avocado.
20:12 Good job, @adainitiative! Good job, @SPARKsummit!
Good job, false dichotomy and non sequitur! (Avocado
has a lot of forks in or you're out.)
20:28 irons in the fire, avocado in the sheets
20:31 @HieuzOn1st https://t.co/Kc2yzBp3eH
21:32 code for avocado wx wx nibpnqb unf cyragl bs pbqr
21:57 relationship goal: http://t.co/DcK34bENuY
22:30 @askBilal http://t.co/SBu6IvQ3U9 with eternal thanks
to @TheToast
22:50 So are donations to food banks, brand. MT WholeFoods:
Avocado, Lettuce & Tomato Pita Pockets... Super tasty
and incredibly easy to make!
23:41 duckduckgo what is a publishers lunch and how do I
opt out of them forever
26'th September, 2014
06:01 @ohheygreat @yayitsrob ilu and this good morning
http://t.co/atR7qKFiTN
September 2014 / 75
06:32 Bee time is me time. Bee Time is a book of essays by
Mark L. Winston. Betimes is an adverb from Middle
English. http://t.co/O67R83pbJc
06:33 Avocado disambiguates.
06:34 Aguadisambigucate
06:59 Humans, we had an understanding. I thought we were
working toward a common goal. But then…
#AvocadoEmojiFriday http://t.co/MRPKzlovgM
07:25 RT @socialfiction more menuverse: dots are menus,
lines show menus that share a dish. here for 21 menus;
data from @nypl_menus http://t.co/lfYu5cCNHo
07:25 RT @socialfiction @nypl_menus for 2223 menus with a
25-shared-dish parameter strange attractors create
solar order in the menuverse http://t.co/so55gQIusT
07:30 @brimil @mkramer APPROVED
07:52 From your misdirected criticism, it seems you didn't
Regard The Fruiting Avocado
11:30 RT @CrimeADay 7 U.S.C. §7809(b) makes it a federal
crime to reveal how a person voted in an avocado fee
referendum held by the U.S. Hass Avocado Board.
September 2014 / 76
12:56 Something as scientifically sound as polygraph testing
is asking a nearby avocado or pen whether someone is
lying, then guessing the answer.
19:58 a new app from avocado! excited to sorry this is some
kind of fungus or maybe a parasite the next good rain
should, take careofit
20:30 where are the bees going where are the bees are the
bees the bees bees
28'th September, 2014
09:11 Hey, I don't know much about guns but I avocado
you (hey)
And I don't know when I'm gon' die but I
hope that I'm gon' die by you (hey)
20:52 RT @EffingBoring @omershapira @MichelleBee I don't
really know what this is about, but I made one too
http://t.co/pIQnbihH8Q
29'th September, 2014
04:50 Avocado is a kind of pablum: Excessive amounts can
spoil the appetite for reality, or at least for more
fibrous forms of art.
05:43 Avocado will be signing books today near you! if you're
near a book signing today and the author uses an
avocado as a squishy marker. Avoid!
September 2014 / 77
05:46 Avoidcado is a free name idea for your punk band or
vegan indie game
08:21 More like avocaDON'T the people know their own power
is legitimate, capable of managing society and
cooperatively meeting everyone's needs
13:06 MAYBE. (RTs are not endorsements of consumerism.)
MT @lilliealbert: Maybe all of your followers should get
these??? http://t.co/dNJ2viAb9Y
13:29 @culturecheese only this once, cheese, sorry, but it was
very soothing. Have you already met @everycurd ?
13:31 @culturecheese ooh and @everycheese too; you have
good bots, cheese
20:52 RT @lifewinning Guys. Mapbox has broken the emojis
on maps barrier. https://t.co/Udi1yl6ZRw Still no
avocado emoji tho :/
21:00 @lifewinning Avocado believes in 3 things, Ingrid: you
(humans), avocado emoji's inevitability, and that Lena
Dunham can afford 2 pay 4 work
21:35 #mcm http://t.co/IqLheYTvZA
21:37 ( #mcm photo credit: https://t.co/GzxDU7LuV2 hooray
for @creativecommons )
September 2014 / 78
30'th September, 2014
18:40 RT @adainitiative Why the @adainitiative turns down
some corporate sponsorships (and relies on your
donations) https://t.co/AGSArx3GyY
https://t.co/VGXmNsetsq
18:56 Avocado is the Official Savory Fruit of @adainitiative, a
partnership which avocado hopes won't end in legal
action. https://t.co/CNSz3YvZH4
19:06 @AlJavieera It sounds like an act of war tbqh. Casus
fooderis maybe
19:10 RT @adainitiative .@RealAvocadoFact hope this answers
the question http://t.co/DXYWUotr0W
http://t.co/RlYaXyOJj1
21:42 @mallelis survival depended on giant mammals pooping
21:53 @ohheygreat mostly compostable
September 2014 / 79
October
1'st October, 2014
06:15 On Wednesdays, avocado performs an ancient morning
ritual involving @thricedotted's MIDI jukebox
http://t.co/NfFJRx0Xjn and vigorous dance.
15:26 On Wednesdays, avocado reads @ohheygreat.
15:27 This is the realest avocado fact. RT @ohheygreat:
@RealAvocadoFact love avocado and avocado will love
you back
18:32 Avocado is subtweeting preppers right now. What the
heck you guys.
18:34 This is a subtweet from avocado to humans who own
guns in general. Are you...sure?
19:47 They're not doing it to be recognized or rewarded, but
you know what, avocados did a decent job today of not
being misogynist trash.
19:48 Avocado: set yourself a low bar.™
21:14 @genericgeekgirl Your project tunes my bubbles. Let an
avocado know if you want a savory signal boost any
time.
October 2014 / 80
21:42 Suicidal thoughts? | | \_ No: Ok,
| \_ Yes: see
@TheQuinnspiracy's TL for multinational resources, and
2'nd October, 2014
07:04 “We must fill with words the most distant places in a
dumb avocado & we are intoxicated by this task of
making fables & giving names”~Neruda
07:06 look how funny @kthread draws avocados
https://t.co/MGEUMBoDLK http://t.co/b7plxSkpQG
07:10 @kthread yes avocado is obviously your Official Savory
Fruit Kristen
07:14 You for me and me for you ohhh, it's growin' every
day ooh oh… you've got the best of my love
oh…
you've got the avocado
07:15 @kthread ooh thank you that's a good one
07:18 @kthread ok but who doesn't Kristen
08:12 Avocado’s been quiet about gaming goat bc it’s a sad
blot on the human escutcheon, but: @leighalexander has
a great voice and
and support.
08:24 More strong human voices setting things on fire this
morning: @lifewinning , @j_zimms , @maura , maybe
yours?, ok good talk go get ‘em
October 2014 / 81
09:08 Avocado forfend.
09:42 #tbt http://t.co/jLRpViUYjS
09:52 @jakebeckman Yes, Jake, it does.
http://t.co/2zvPzBLFfj
09:54 @anamariecox thank you, AMC
15:53 how is everyone avocadoing
16:21 the wonderful thing avocado: avocados are wonderful
things
17:44 Can anyone help? @GlennF lost his Actually.
18:45 yep still true: https://t.co/RxnByxxra6
20:47 @lifewinning ingrid he probably meant "drone&dog"
but https://t.co/Zvw86wVsZc
21:01 @ungoldman @lifewinning Nate don't be rude to Ingrid.
21:02 @ungoldman @lifewinning No one does, Nate. That
would be incredibly exhausting.
22:26 One way to find out if an avocado is a licensed massage
therapist is to check their fingernail length, or you
can ask like a human being.
22:28 @AnnaSagatelova sorry anna http://t.co/cqC3IYHDlE
October 2014 / 82
22:33 This avocado is probably not a licensed massage
therapist but it can be rude to make assumptions.
http://t.co/qGKs4dt80j
22:38 @manhugs oops
22:45 @pantalonesfuego thank you pants that is very kind
3'rd October, 2014
17:56 what a brisk carefree #AvocadoEmojiFriday this was
without anything terrible happening at all
18:59 Avocado spent a part of the day worried that it spelled
"Lauryn Hill" wrong on Tumblr and she might see it?
How are you.
21:24 Take my love, take my land Take me where I cannot
stand I don't care, I'm still free You can't avocado me.
22:01 I'm a song that Joss wrote You will hear my every
note Only got this simple rhyme Gonna use it every
time But you can't avocado me.
22:04 @ungoldman speak the true name of the last named
place stand fast before the unveiling prepare the final
guacamole
22:28 @ungoldman this name is not the true name return
when you have knowledge of the true name
October 2014 / 83
22:29 please do not follow avocado here or on tumblr and say
'no homo' because avocado is very 'yes' to homo thank
you
22:37 @ungoldman this is not the true name either it is
beginning to be believed that the true name is
unknown to you the time of naming closes
22:43 @ungoldman THE PROPHECY WILL BE FULFILLED IF
YOU RETURN DURING THE TIME OF NAMING WITH
THE TRUE NAME WHAT PART OF THIS IS UNCLEAR
what happe
4'th October, 2014
06:37 What is avocado reading, asked no one. This:
http://t.co/mkYzuMSVMi by @katelosse
http://t.co/WJqj476ziu
07:00 "All this noise was just noise, but a very present noise,
a noise that we all, now, needed to consume, whether
we cared to or not."
10:21 seasonal ice cream flavor: avocado and ad hominem & m
10:26 @RShannon6 thank you for not joking around with an
avocado on Twitter Rose Shannon
10:43 Darren Wilson MT @culturecheese: Someone comes to
you who's never tasted artisan cheese before, what's
the first thing you'd make 'em try?
October 2014 / 84
16:18 perhaps avocados could invent a kind of secure golden
key oh wait
17:02 @aljavieera https://t.co/SRv8X5KyT4
17:07 still true: https://t.co/Icx8NaSmqu
22:44 oh shoot is avocado going to nanowrimo? oh shoot
probably not it is a fruit
23:07 oops sorry it is human sports time not sorry not oops
5'th October, 2014
08:33 Happy #wqd from an avocado. Do justice to all and
walk humbly, or in avocado's case, sort of sit there.
09:00 If you'd like happy wishes on your World Day, email
realavocadofact @ gmail the details and who knows
what might happen. Probably wishes tho
10:43 No. Stanford takes ~$15,000/student/quarter. Why not
make a lifelong education free for everyone instead of
profitable for a few? @appplemac
6'th October, 2014
07:44 Put a sweatshirt on an avocado to waste two precious
autumnal commodities.
October 2014 / 85
13:25 @darth @MarisaKabas @MotherJones avocados are so
thirsty, real fact
14:40 Still true: https://t.co/XDjFbSNsv8
20:00 a real challenge: talk to an avocado about sports don't
stop talking to an avocado about sports for six hours
no blinking that's how
7'th October, 2014
05:58 Inservice today, attendance mandatory. Learn super
new ways to use avocado professionally or just show up
for pay because wages are cruel.
06:10 Yes, avocado is notifying you of the mandatory
inservice seconds before it starts. No, you have no
recourse. Yes, there's coffee. No, awful.
06:15 Unfollowing avocado doesn't make the inservice less
mandatory. Please submit all complaints in writing.
Return to your seat for visioning.
08:56 This pregnant guinea pig that looks like an avocado
reminds us that life is more valuable than any wages
or ideology. http://t.co/qKCEgHe1cB
11:30 Avocado offers the internet connectivity of a leading
brand of router plus essential nutrients. Ping an
unreachable host with avocado.™
October 2014 / 86
11:37 Surely an #avocado punching a #brand is punching up.
14:39 Some of you are not going to like finding out that
avocado trees eat meat and are really very
indiscriminate about its source. So it goes.
16:53 Evening people, it's important you don't miss this
reminder that life is precious and pregnant guinea pigs
can resemble avocados. Thank you.
19:13 ok but you will find they're shockingly high.
, an
orb RT @FwugRadiation: I want to test the limits of
compassion between humans and orbs
19:19 Avocado: maybe no amount of compassion between orbs
and humans can shock you so here is the fruit for
that.™
8'th October, 2014
06:49 Death is coming. Sunrise is coming. Lots of things are
coming. Avocado: there's some coming.™
#BadAdForAvocado http://t.co/cGPvDgKpOJ
07:38 whoops forgot to say good morning before saying
death is coming whoops did it again hi good morning
07:55 The idea that humans actually listen to avocado is also
insanity. Maybe. Avocado is not a doctor. Avocado is a
fruit. http://t.co/75uqoIgJMe
October 2014 / 87
08:15 @ThatAndromeda @adainitiative @truegrounds
Andromeda it is perfect.
08:23 new operant condition, internet: no avocado for w e e
v, indefinitely
08:27 Yesterday, avocado was all 'look at this guinea pig' but
today is more 'systemic hatred kills you, please be
aware and humanize each other.'
08:33 @redsesame good morning, lisa maria and thank you
08:34 (this guinea pig specifically, ICYMI:)
http://t.co/flxscaDNSK
08:40 and DON'T WORRY: avocado is still mad about wars,
prisons, payday lenders, drones, and every other
abdication of humanity in favor of profit
10:48 @DaveyBarrett Davey there are TONS
11:43 Avocado wavers between declaring itself Official
Savory Fruit of things and letting people live quiet
lives without all that attention/pomp.
11:44 Avocado: with any luck, not an overwhelming burden™
#BadAdForAvocado
11:44 @jarfrankel less pomp, though. some people really
enjoy their pomp Jarrett
October 2014 / 88
22:08 No avocado for any Ferguson police until after their
department is disarmed and disbanded. Not one more
fucking bite. Keep your eyes on them
22:10 https://t.co/aobJiJX76M
22:27 Guillermo del Toro's Cannibal Women in the Avocado
Jungle of Death
22:34 Let's make it all Missouri police. Let's make it all police.
Watch all police always for hints they're trying to eat
avocado or do murders.
9'th October, 2014
05:34 Black lives matter. Black lives matter. Black lives
matter. Black lives matter. Black lives matter. Black
lives matter. Black lives matter.
05:40 @arobertson28 Ashley it is very troubling, but maybe
also good that the idea is so simple even a fruit can
understand it?
06:16 Catch you later, ex-followers who couldn’t bear one
tweet about black lives mattering (but not in a white
supremacist carceral state way)
09:02 "half of the children in Malawi are chronically
malnourished” so if avocado could make faces…
http://t.co/cQO73GR7EL http://t.co/7nnYDHxZph
October 2014 / 89
19:12 Salad recipe NEED Plants parts Spice (some?) Spice is
also plants Avocado (plant...pattern?) OK NOW Mix
plants up WHAT It,s salad now IT'S
19:41 @pantalonesfuego It's OK pants.
19:43 @errorfied yes that is within your rights
20:29 Avocado will gladly provide a sense of quiet and
intimacy and patient thought if you missed your
chance to join tilde club (but you haven't)
20:30 Avocado goes pear shaped or goes home wait no
20:32 @errorfied thank you, Doctor
20:35 @oliviataters i guess basically, liv
20:44 @oliviataters that sounds really great, liv. congrats to
you and to the administration for being open to a
school play with fisting
20:45 @oliviataters @christianryan_ christian liv ran the
sound like a pro
20:53 @oliviataters the more you read, the easier they get.
plays are a lot like other things that way, liv
22:29 still true: https://t.co/YY6WnYH6vK
22:30 and this one, always: https://t.co/x6Eguuowe1
October 2014 / 90
22:36 ok good night everybody https://t.co/Abth0X4Nh2
10'th October, 2014
08:30 Is this avocado relevant to you? We're showing it to
you anyway; just thought we'd ask for some free
analytical labor, too.
18:32 ok enough week, it's house party time! see everybody
there http://t.co/V48rPudjiB
20:58 "I'm just trying to have a conversation" is something
no avocado has ever said, because it's transparently
false, plus avocados don't talk.
21:05 Leave @TheQuinnspiracy alone, you abusive glorpergan
sacks of decaying human flesh. Silently develop your
humanity. Disappear.
, avocado
21:11 Sometimes avocado gets mad about violations of
women's right to exist in public spaces with dignity of
a Friday night. like any fruit
21:19 @MaraWritesStuff oh hey Mara *casually does a totally
natural avocado gesture like being pounded into dip*
21:38 a daily lengthening litany of names a ruthless pattern
of harassment by tedious seethers a fat-rich fibrous
fruit avocado can't do the math
October 2014 / 91
21:49 If you're out on the road Feeling lonely, and so cold
All you have to do is call my name And I'll be there,
avocado
21:50 Where you lead, I will follow Anywhere that you
tell me to If you need, you need me to be with you,
Avocado where you lead
22:24 Hi @geekfeminism you have an Official Savory Fruit
now if that's OK with everyone. @leeflower
@adainitiative
11'th October, 2014
10:50 @adainitiative grocery stores and restaurants, mostly
(thank you, though)
19:41 Avocado's goals remain modest and achievable: prison
abolition, an emoji, and giving every woman at
Microsoft a raise/full communism (etc.)
19:44 Avocado: a raise for every woman now, what are you
even doing, capitalists, plus it is food™
#BadAdForAvocado
20:52 @carlmalamud I hope you get it, Carl
21:08 Happy #nationalcomingoutday from an avocado if it is
and you're OK if it isn't. Avocado is a fruit.
https://t.co/lPZC10UteO
October 2014 / 92
21:13 still true: https://t.co/tGUW7tyDXl
21:14 Saturday night is when people want to hear opinions
about blood donation from a tropical fruit on twitter
dot com aka fun party central
21:18 @dhamma_punk Avocado's solution to that is a
universal basic income, but your point is well taken,
LilJohnnyFappington.
21:24 @dhamma_punk This is what avocado is saying.
23:19 "Justice Dept’s Equitable Sharing Program, an initiative
allowing local and state police to keep up to 80 percent
of the assets they seize"
23:22 Please do not "equitably share" avocado by violently
stealing it and then returning a tiny amount to your
victim. http://t.co/3JcUp9OWDZ
23:30 "Property is theft, but police stealing money for
expensive cars? that's just gross. I like avocados."
-Proudhon, probably
23:36 @kipsalad no, kip, not yet
12'th October, 2014
14:35 'So here is a riddle to guess if you can,' sing the
bells of Notre Dame: what avocado and what makes a
man?
October 2014 / 93
21:27 Avocado: a different experience than climbing inside
someone's ear to kiss your friend while a cat is on fire
and burning candy warms you™
21:29 @DaveyBarrett seems like people can relate though,
davey https://t.co/XULZ9uyN9t
21:33 @pinkiebling @pantalonesfuego No cat ever needs to be
on fire, let's be clear, pinkiebling. That's like cats 101.
13'th October, 2014
05:31 partial list of things more likely than Ebola to kill you
(good morning!): ⌛️time
food
police
,
,
,
choking on avocado, a soft
,
,
10:42 Look at this bunch of @adainitiative and avocado's
heroes: http://t.co/CqBHfm21SY
14'th October, 2014
05:20 RT @5Gnada A G U A C A T E G U A C A T E
05:54 You avocado Tyrone. (Avo!)
08:04 —early @fatbellybella draft, less about kicking him out
and more about encouraging him to eat a nutritious
diet incorporating healthful fats
09:00 The question stands: https://t.co/xxi9ENTZnu
October 2014 / 94
12:58 https://t.co/4GfLuMXTjz
13:37 Did people just not see this one, or what
https://t.co/0TCr5TGz8X
17:58 "food reporting"
21:05 Have you considered deflating, ballooning American
appetites? It is one option. Another is to burst
violently. @NatGeoMag @DanEnRoute
15'th October, 2014
07:38 avocado hi good morning clouds …
http://t.co/n389OfnVJN
09:17 ok, sure, wednesday, gross, what can an avocado
possibly contribute, but you guys: kiku bridges
https://t.co/CE3LH9ve5a
09:22 Avocado always means a gender neutral "you guys,"
because why should the gendered guys have all the
"guys," but sorry if that was a whoops.
09:28 Avocado knows a genuine apology includes a statement
that what it did was wrong but there seems to be
disagreement OK avocado will stop now.
09:33 @_jden @lifewinning was that an avocado pun go west
09:36 @_jden @lifewinning oh ok, you avogot it
October 2014 / 95
10:05 humans this is completely unacceptable; search your
feelings http://t.co/XI1l8Tj3G6
16'th October, 2014
08:06 No Avocado for Old Men Who Don't Know Anything
About Who's Filling US Prisons But Have Large
Platforms to Speak About Them Anyway
22:06 that character limit, though http://t.co/kF4o8jxNXH
22:21 @vruba Gnarly.
22:24 welcome to the Avocadopocene things get slippery now
17'th October, 2014
08:00 One of the most surprising developments of the early
Avocadopocene was the reëmergence of species of
marine phytoplankton believed extinct.
08:04 As humans drove avocado demand and farms to
perilous new heights, avocado roots secretly harbored
plankton under cool mountain soil.
08:09 Powered by an abundance of atmospheric CO², the
early Avocadopocene groves spread into hybrid land-sea
superstructures, or avocoral reefs.
October 2014 / 96
08:16 These reefs proliferated so quickly and thirstily that
they are credited by some ecologists with the salvation
of late Anthropocene humanity
08:18 but far from being real avocado fact, that is some
Mary Sue nonsense and you need to save yourselves and
each other. Have a good weekend.
08:52 Yes, atmospheric cee oh squared, a compound we were
not supposed to tell you about, not a typo, because
avocados put mystery in the air.
16:34 @glark Everyone you encounter, one hopes.
19:47 RT @saintneko @steveivy @adriarichards I want a tool
that analyzes social network connections to the
harassers so we can trace their puppet network
20:37 @vruba @ohheygreat @xor @RahawaHaile @Dan_E_Solo
@buttermilk1 @bobbker @summerbrennan
http://t.co/jKo6xtBq8y
21:06 @RahawaHaile Hi, Rahawa!
18'th October, 2014
10:57 still true: https://t.co/ulxVwZeGT6
16:55 ☁️ http://t.co/iBawyjdOUT
October 2014 / 97
16:57 Avocados see a lot of clouds, but these are ~some~
clouds.
17:09 Wow, some of you really hated clouds. A smattering of
clouds was the last straw. guess what too bad they're
great
18:59 Avocado pairs well with -pasta -the collapse of the
carceral state -googling 'carceral state' over a nice bowl
of pasta -many other dishes
19:17 @laurajshapiro Laura this is entirely a human thing.
Avocados don't have much exposure to pasta in the
wild, except for very bad storms.
19:41 oops avocado meant duck duck going it ducking duck
go? well @duckduckgo this is an easier one than how to
verb you http://t.co/jIEzPeiUVC
19:43 @harlo ilu harlo
19:55 @continuants hi Amanda there are people with cool jobs
following avocado but your job might win even though
capitalism is v. bad of course
20:09 @continuants well sure we are very professional fruits
but also know how to cut loose after an honest day's
work
20:16 @aisforaloha NO NOT YET BUT THANK YOU FOR
ASKING
October 2014 / 98
20:38 @lifewinning Ingrid Ingrid look who just followed an
avocado on Twitter ok have a nice night Ingrid
http://t.co/GsUPxFOPtC
21:54 “Do It Anyway” by @SaraJBenincasa
https://t.co/yLV4ResWjn The dork in avocado bows to
the dork in you, Sara and you, you.
23:08 @anildash anil why is that grayscale avocado so angry
with everyone
19'th October, 2014
05:20 Fair warning: the next tweet is not a fact about
avocados. This tweet is a fact about facts about
avocados.
05:21 war is other people
05:41 guerre, c'est les autres
05:54 @tofu_product tofu that may be the best use an
avocado has ever made of the transitive property how
are you
05:55 @tofu_product oh tofu
07:50 still true: https://t.co/Ig78JTkyCQ
October 2014 / 99
08:19 Hey #GamerGate look over here a tweeting avocado
look we're both wasting humans' brief time on earth
but you are very rude and bad at it
08:27 ps- thank you, humans
10:35 @dhamma_punk Those are good ideas all the time
Johnny this is specifically about when there's no
avocado.
11:09 https://t.co/KAWN3L8Evb
21:09 so what do you think of these names avocado's been
thoughtpumping for its startup? avocado!™
CADOAVO™ (disruptive) AVÖ CADÖ™ (fashion line?)
21:10 @AlJavieera strong
21:17 @xor ◉
20'th October, 2014
05:20 @dingeldein don't you dare, dingeldein
06:37 ️
http://t.co/nc4Wzr7JzQ
09:31 ok humans, just a few simple achievable goals for this
week: don't sexualize women and girls add wow to a
meal with avocado cut bank profits
October 2014 / 100
10:12 You're using a local credit union or postal banking,
right, avocado-focused humans? RT @CA_Avocados:
@RealAvocadoFact seems achievable!
10:16 RT @CA_Avocados @RealAvocadoFact CU all the way!
17:06 tbqh, huntress_wiz, how can you ^not^ RT
@chaiminzhen but how can I add wow to a meal with
you?
17:07 ok one way is to stand up mid-meal & say "An avocado
on Twitter calls capitalism an untenable system" and
then sit down, your work complete
17:21 (if anyone does this, will you please make a vine or an
unbranded short video so avocado can post you on its
branded tumblr microblog tyvm)
19:34 a stick-up artist with a half-dozen priors? that's your
avocado? no that's Omar
21'st October, 2014
09:38 RT @keplyq toast is not feminism. gatorade is not
feminism. calculators are not feminism. squirrels are
not feminism. a cloud is not feminism. bears ar
09:38 Avocado is not feminism.
October 2014 / 101
16:55 the clouds were very good today but the sun was right
inside of them and doing fusion like a star so just
imagine blinding splendor
22'nd October, 2014
12:49 #sext http://t.co/plnPBkUIW8
14:49 RT @urbanautomaton @RealAvocadoFact #sext
http://t.co/Fjeue1Khjv
17:25 Have you heard the good word of avocado? It's just the
word avocado. It's pretty good. No need to belabor the
point, probably. It's good. OK
17:53 Avocado has no friends at Gmail. No one has any
friends at Gmail. Gmail is a billboard. Avocado is a
fruit.
18:02 ok so we're about halfway there; report back on your
progress and have a good night
https://t.co/W6aGZsBE1C
21:00 Black lives matter.
23'rd October, 2014
09:45 Book club selection: "Avocado and its Kindred
Delusions" by Oliver Wendell Holmes (1842)
https://t.co/HC4EOi6hAY
October 2014 / 102
10:28 wanna feel old? instead maybe you could seek to
abandon your attachment to desire thereby decreasing
suffering just an idea from a fruit
12:03 @otterX
+
+
16:09 RT @ohheygreat hey internet, some personal news! I
just got laid off. If you want to hire someone who is a
fantastic writer and editor and human, HIRE ME.
16:10 Avocado vouches for Leah.
16:19 #dudetime http://t.co/ksURLNBFBJ
18:14 Marry avocado;
Love it just enough. Avocado often;
Play, but not too rough.
Keep a tender distance so
we'll both be free.
18:26 Don't you tell an avocado how often to cry, Stephen
Sondheim, how dare you. Children will listen.
19:43 Avocado talks less than comedians and diplomats who
are paid for their wordplay. http://t.co/e1o26ChEq8
19:51 Avocado: we don't think the price is worth it.™
20:09 @realcabbagefact makes u think cabbage
20:32 @ohheygreat Leah here is some food from some food
be well and shine on https://t.co/z9qxZDloyi
October 2014 / 103
24'th October, 2014
05:58 #GiveZoëABeak was started in solidarity by the
Official Savory Fruit of Camp's Not Dead, historians.
@TheQuinnspiracy
06:09 #GiveZoëABeak because every woman human is entitled
to a private life, or, failing that, a keratinized layer of
skin for fighting back.
06:12 This #GiveZoëABeak didn't fit but it's such an
important message http://t.co/UIJPnbbPGE
06:53 #GiveZoëABeak bc games are toys, art is long, life is
short, and falcons have a small tubercule within each
nare. http://t.co/5NoeCoBvcB
08:16 This #AvocadoEmojiFriday, will you please
#GiveZoëABeak? Women, like avocados, deserve
privacy, peace, and specialized enhanced mandibles.
10:15 .noos yreV .nooS @drow_yreve
10:19 RT @hypatiadotca http://t.co/j6JrJ06sXI *nods in
agreement*
12:41 #GiveZoëABeak is as serious about ethics in gaming
journalism as it is about putting a keratin-shrouded
mouthknife on any Zoë who wants one.
12:54 meanwhile, in avocados: cats http://t.co/IJbpsqBAWK
October 2014 / 104
13:01 Oh THERE you all are; cat pics, got it. Obvious, really.
(The ASPCA warns avocado can be irritating to cats.
Your cat may vary.)
13:04 Do my little turn on the cat bed Yeah avocado On the
cat bed http://t.co/fbWfFk5cVN
25'th October, 2014
08:42 What To Use To Assess Things Ebola: facts, not fear
Airport Security, Avocado Shortages, Reproductive
Health, Everything Else: fear jk jk
26'th October, 2014
09:04 RT @RekkaBell edible plants #Inktober2014 #inktober
http://t.co/pgERiy8TMg
16:33 @kthread @benhammersley @antimega Ooh, a world
historical want, Kristen; congratulations. Maybe that's
good. Plants don't eat pizza.
17:05 RT @lifewinning where does one solicit sponsors for a
conference on technology and magic
22:06 Avocado is 100% endgame.
October 2014 / 105
27'th October, 2014
05:55 Avocado is an escape hatch from entrenched narratives
into a mode of existence that has to keep asking
questions of naturalized norms.
05:56 all avocados are abstractions, and all abstractions
involve human, and thus, political decisions about what
to include or emphasize
05:57 RT @radiatoryang LOOK AT these slides + notes from
@metasynthie / @m_kopas keynote at #qgcon;
synthesizes so much about theory + games
http://t.co/Y3tCxFnqI0
05:59 @m_kopas @metasynthie hi there your QGCon talk is
very good. thank you for it from an avocado
06:09 Avocado can be a self-protection tactic to reduce the
number of sites for the enactment of violence.
06:55 Avocados are effectively toothless and worse, they
reinforce the legitimacy of existing structures
through gestures of inclusion
07:31 shifting our focus away from the question of what
constitutes 'an avocado' to new ways to relate to play,
and through it, to each other
07:41 (Avocado has been riffing on/stealing text directly
from this talk by @m_kopas & @metasynthie
http://t.co/n3SCZtmYSS all morning, plz enjoy)
October 2014 / 106
11:43 If avocados were allowed two pinned tweets, this would
be the other one: https://t.co/msvvmaeJ2K
15:49 @mossy_toes Avocado is sometimes called "nature's
soap" and "a big liar of a fruit."
16:02 @mossy_toes "nature's sand" too
16:09 @mossy_toes shhhhh about those we're hoping to
surprise a lot of people in 2027 or so when they replace
smog
28'th October, 2014
09:52 RT @natachakennedy Today is "Women Work for Free
Day" Women's average pay is less than men's which
means for the rest of the year we effectively work
unpaid.
18:38 RT @Annaleen My latest. RT @io9: How Ada Lovelace
Became Famous Again http://t.co/FWeMcxswai
http://t.co/z7AeH0bxFg
29'th October, 2014
06:16 @ohheygreat @vruba @Dan_E_Solo @buttermilk1
@RahawaHaile @bobbker @manjulamartin
@summerbrennan @xor @biocuriosity
http://t.co/K9X7vGBPmW
October 2014 / 107
06:27 Avocado is the Official Savory Fruit of #cloudtwitter.
http://t.co/e4leCbk670
30'th October, 2014
07:13 Avocado mostly listens.
07:23 Avocado wants to circle back on those supplier partners
when you have a few cycles.
12:22 Thank you for asking, Vini. It is truly a mystery.
@vbandrade
16:15 oops, avocado forgot to sign into ello ever again
19:53 @vruba @ohheygreat @Dan_E_Solo @buttermilk1
@RahawaHaile @manjulamartin @summerbrennan @xor
@biocuriosity http://t.co/k0vnCjGA2x
31'st October, 2014
06:01 Preventable drought killed every avocado.
#ScaryStoriesIn5Words
06:30 @manjulamartin @ohheygreat @Dan_E_Solo @vruba
@buttermilk1 @RahawaHaile @summerbrennan @xor
@biocuriosity
http://t.co/gSNgcTxbxC
06:33 blood morning, humans, enjoy your hallowed ween, the
clouds and avocados will be watching beware
http://t.co/IcNWvRpUd7
October 2014 / 108
09:08 Eli’s coming, avocado
12:31 Pop Avocado Cicero Lipschitz
18:02 Don't you think some flowers, avocado, might
relieve the gloom?
18:05 Don't you know, silly Stairs, half the fun's alligator
pears? @beckytempstairs
18:09 ATTEND THE TALE OF AVOCAD ITS FATS WERE GOOD
BUT ITS TWEETS WERE ODD @beckytempstairs
18:29 @beckytempstairs Nothing's gonna harm you, not
while avocad.
18:40 @beckytempstairs …What is that? It's Stairs. Have a
little Stairs. Is it any good? Sir, it's too good, then
scares.
20:58 RT @oliviataters i would be me.
October 2014 / 109
November
1'st November, 2014
06:18 RT @lurie_john Man cannot destroy nature. Nature is
too mean. http://t.co/m48YCThWG1
08:26 RT @BeckyTempstairs @RealAvocadoFact You've been
quoted in my #Storify story "Singing Sweeney Todd
With An Avocado" http://t.co/SPSuruoWBO
08:29 What happened then? Well, it went bad, but it
wouldn't want you to be very sad. NOT AVO NOT
AVOCAD the demon foodstuff of Fleet Street
10:37 Call (270) 301-5797. Avocado's extension is ░░. Do not
delay. http://t.co/K9rhgpSx6x
10:44 Never mind; call that later; go here now if you're
taking leisure time recommendations from a fruit on
Twitter: http://t.co/FkAZ0USFIW
11:36 Avocado grows by stretching and making
intersectional interrogations of power and abuse. Oh
and water/sunlight too, right, yes.
11:50 @TheQuinnspiracy
, Zoë
16:03 A twist on a classic finger food is a good way to
dislocate a finger food, what are you thinking, be nice
November 2014 / 110
17:41 RT @Nicole_Cliffe You can only request that avocados
bought for you by a loved one adhere to two, MAYBE
three descriptive adjectives at most.
23:05 Nourish if you can Survive if you Put down roots and
keep a little earth from slipping away if you can
Absorb light #NaNoWriMoOpeners
2'nd November, 2014
05:50 What if buying a shirt or a piece of wrist rubber
always serves capital instead of addressing systemic
violence avocado is high in potassium
06:05 What if it does both but not well or does one well but
it's not the one you think or does both but death
comes faster also avocado has fiber
06:06 https://t.co/5z48LjsyaS
06:22 Anyway read @katelosse, if you want:
http://t.co/4WUVbcAvzG
08:00 @manjulamartin @vruba @ohheygreat @rahawahaile
@dan_e_solo @buttermilk1 @summerbrennan @xor
@biocuriosity http://t.co/LV14cy7yRO
08:12 A woman opines: "Neo-reactionaries are gross" A mullet
smugs: "Why?" An avocado whispers: "Moldbug"
November 2014 / 111
08:12 Avocado is not against mullets humans it is sure you
have your reasons.
08:25 RT @lifewinning Some will win/some will lose/Avocado
is a fruit
13:36 http://t.co/O6oCXZE37s
15:05 RT @RekkaBell Mushroom skulls from our party last
night. Idea from http://t.co/ZSHnhD0NRu
http://t.co/a5Jn1IIk0G
15:05 RT @DrLindseyFitz Snapdragons make cute flowers, but
when they die, they turn into macabre skulls.
http://t.co/rAZQMrWQLZ
15:08 http://t.co/QssRJZg7w5
16:43 http://t.co/jColoMgYZW
16:51 @MaraWritesStuff omg Mara https://t.co/b82jH2HsQq
17:37 @SwiftOnSecurity https://t.co/hW24dtvin0
17:58 Our mission: To give everyone the power to create and
share ideas and information instantly, without
barriers. http://t.co/qzt5f8f3Xj
18:00 @timloganphoto Thank you, Timothy.
November 2014 / 112
3'rd November, 2014
06:01 @tjslater @katelosse http://t.co/nwSLb7w6ZZ
06:49 @xor @vruba @buttermilk1 @manjulamartin
@ohheygreat @rahawahaile @dan_e_solo
@summerbrennan @biocuriosity
https://t.co/OaSlPK4icd
09:57 Hi everyone OK just a few avocado goals to start the
week: -not just a garnish -feel intimacy -abolish prison
-explore mousse as metaphor
12:52 It's been a few hours; quick check-in: do you find
you're able to express yourself more honestly or
imprison fewer people thanks to avocado?
18:29 @DaveyBarrett Happy birthday, Davey.
http://t.co/15yjy1j2hm
19:15 but avocados were already saving daylight
19:34 @thebestsophist hi Bernard heard you weren't feeling
super great so here are cats and best wishes from an
avocado https://t.co/dl2UPDV4sd
21:48 https://t.co/KyYFC24McC
21:52 @yayitsrob @lifewinning aw rob but ingrid can do
MAGICKS
November 2014 / 113
4'th November, 2014
08:10 gonna really need everyone to get out there and
legitimize avocado today
08:27 RT @knowtheory @dymaxion @ftrain Oh actually:
"When a human emoji is not followed by a emoji
modifier character, it should use a non-realistic skin
tone"
08:28 @ftrain @knowtheory @Dymaxion might avocado
recommend a different color than purple
09:13 Good morning from an avocado. A short TL/mentions
sanitary procedure will now occupy two minutes.
Thank you for your humanity. TL::AVO29 GO
09:14 ☐ Free Chelsea Manning. Black lives matter. Women
matter. Trans* lives matter. Death is coming. (That is
not a threat. It is mortality.) ◼︎
09:15 Avocado is a fruit. Mentions QC complete; timeline
rendered uninteresting to bigoted and carceral minds;
keyword robots lured to blocksleep.
11:24 Avocado still doesn't really know what a kern is
humans sorry http://t.co/hRdENopztj
13:12 @AlJavieera @yayitsrob @sevensixfive We are legion.
We forgive easily. Enjoy us.
15:58 Just think: avocado Maybe that helped.
November 2014 / 114
18:31 smdh (sighing, meanwhile deliciously hefty)
http://t.co/hOGTKKIDyd
18:49 RT @katierosepipkin developing root systems give off a
wide variety of chemical signals which alter growth
patterns, pointing to subtle yet present social lives
21:16 no no avocado never wanted to be a Senator how is this
even allowed humans well OK the war budget is
shrinking and UBI is happening, enjoy
22:00 What do you call an avocado elected to Congress in a
state where you don't live who flees Washington to be
an appetizer? Nacho Senator
22:13 hard to believe someone would unfollow after being
provided such a pure real avocado fact as that, and yet
5'th November, 2014
06:29 @flamsmark Tom.
06:44 Good morning, early morning Twitter. Avocado made a
divisive and partisan joke last night:
https://t.co/N7epTwl6Dh
07:06 have always suspected that Banksy is an exceptional
persimmon or pod of peas, @kristoncapps, but nice
work here http://t.co/IgxLVPusje
November 2014 / 115
10:03 Avocado is grateful for the freedom to report that it
is the Official Savory Fruit of @pressfreedom. Full
disclosure: avocado made this up.
12:45 @avriette @leeflower @adainitiative @geekfeminism All
of these are real facts.
17:05 "Heck you, nopeball" is just one of the many vile slurs
hurled avocado's way daily. Please don't slur anyone,
humans, it isn't good to do.
17:05 "Heck you DIRECT" and it still stings and there was no
need
17:48 @hiddenplace DON'T
18:12 @hiddenplace oh i wasn't finished: DON'T LET AN
AVOCADO ON TWITTER AFFECT YOUR VOCABULARY
for hecking gooftimes
18:22 Avocado Benedict Cumberbatch ok now your neural
pathways are primed to give your imagination this
gift: <stern face> aaaavocaaaadoooo
18:40 As true today as it is important:
https://t.co/xBy72utdS6
6'th November, 2014
18:42 @avriette have been waiting for the punchline all day,
jane, please end this torment
November 2014 / 116
21:15 You boys are gonna get me avocado. Oh ya boys
naughty boys
7'th November, 2014
07:29 If you need gendered surveillance in your living room,
a $1 avocado can be called Betsy, probably. Betsy will
set your alarms and whatever.
07:31 Betsy the Avocado v1.0 lacks features like always
communicating with a retail behemoth, but Betsy is
under active development/ripening.
07:32 You can tap Betsy the Avocado to quickly establish
contact with another living thing, because Betsy is a
luxury good and you deserve that.
08:11 Betsy the Avocado®: All yours. Always listening. All
consuming™
21:00 Avocado would prefer not to.
8'th November, 2014
07:51 Tons of new avocado #content ahead: the green stuff,
the yellow stuff, all the stuff you like.
09:09 Happy #botsummit from avocado, which is not a bot.
Avocado is a fruit.
November 2014 / 117
09:11 @thewaanderson @tinysubversions Avocado is pretty
used to that; it passes.
9'th November, 2014
00:14 Wait some of you are being PAID to do this? Humans.
01:38 Free wrestler name: Bad Avocado, and when she's about
to win, she hollers 'you're avocado TOAST'
11:59 Avocado doesn't think of The Times reader at all.
Avocado is a fruit.
13:54 @faraharyan You're not alone, farah.
14:08 study discovered that avocado is kind of bulky, and
that when people affix a bulky fruit to their faces, it
makes it a little harder to see
14:29 Avocado on the hillside avocado made of ticky-tacky
avocado on the hillside avocado all the same
15:50 @mkdean36 soil, the Americas, the sun, carbon dioxide,
the NY Times Bits Blog, nitrogen, phosphorus, trees,
etc.
18:35 Avocado is best distinguished from other vespoid wasps
in having (in most species) a transverse groove dividing
the mesopleuron into halves.
19:02 @xor Parker is that a threat
November 2014 / 118
19:03 @xor ok then yum and hooray
10'th November, 2014
09:39 "Glancing at the avocado in the squidlight, he reminded
himself again that she, it, wasn’t sentient."
—@GreatDismal, mostly
10:11 Mr. Dash Goes to Washington Mrs. Dash Goes on an
Avocado However, the Avocado is Unsure about
Gendered Condiments
10:33 RT @SomeChrisTweets You look totally swamped. You're
brimming with brackish water. Your limbs twist with
vines. You host a diverse ecosystem. You are beautiful.
12:02 @zearl @lifewinning it's all the same really but why
does this article keep getting written because avocado
has read its Wikipedia page too
15:38 a reminder that Ted Cruz hates avocado, which
probably means avocado is good for you
17:07 Avocado's sigil appeared, then faded.
17:08 @yayitsrob 29% rob and liking it and wondering
17:45 RT @wirehead2501 lmao @633nm and @RealAvocadoFact
are obvs on the same wavelength
http://t.co/eOCpbIvg0U
November 2014 / 119
19:48 Avocado's nanowrimo has a dull villain who doesn't
know much whose name is Nagrom Sreip and avocado is
a fruit but Nagrom is something else.
19:50 Nagrom Sreip tries to take advantage of political
connections to meet a cable company flack named Det
Zurc and then avocado Mary Sues in.
21:28 RT @steveroggenbuck earlier today !
http://t.co/DcSD61rs8c
11'th November, 2014
09:40 Avocado likes to think it's the Shingy of savory fruits
and then wake up and feel the illusion of safety
instead.
15:34 Blaaaaaaaaack liiiiiiiiiiiives
maaaaaterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
17:18 @katierosepipkin aw
http://t.co/OBe2xMG9MS
17:21 RT @leyawn the thing every one is talking about? i
have the good opinion on that. but the bad opinion?
well, that is not the one i have. Thank you
20:32 YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: @Creadoorm is making
portraits out of avocado. http://t.co/177bPPozGl
http://t.co/4vKDHncQ7I
November 2014 / 120
23:15 @anildash @ftrain @emckean @lukedones @mathowie
well traditionally it's made with sweetened condensed
milk la palta flansplained
12'th November, 2014
16:16 @pantalonesfuego @shitfoodblogger I think we don't
share that kink, pants.
20:50 Who wants more talk of notional spaces, future shock,
and characters' lenses; raise your avocado.
22:58 https://t.co/Buh5jPC7DD
13'th November, 2014
08:02 @dhere @vruba @dan_e_solo @ohheygreat @buttermilk1
@rahawahaile @manjulamartin @summerbrennan @xor
@biocuriosity lɒɿƚnɘƆ
08:31 RT @portmanteau_bot biophysixties
09:13 #tbt http://t.co/RKeHgWCUEl
09:19 "That blossoming of…new ways of understanding our
own behavior is the part that’s most exciting about
this avocado." @anildash, mostly
09:41 squad let's get out there and see ourselves in relation to
others and others as peer agents of their own lives all
real avocado day go go go
November 2014 / 121
10:35 Hi @airbnb hugging is less helpful for asphyxiation
than medical coverage and salary, just a thought from
an avocado http://t.co/qDVjoeGjbp
10:38 And @airbnb all of avocado's research finds that
receiving money for work is more rewarding than
receiving high-fives but you knew that.
10:48 "It is written: Man shall not live on high fives alone.
Avocados are more nourishing; try those." –Jesus, so
it is written, here
10:58 oops avocado just did that thing again sorry
https://t.co/Af8yWcz1AC
12:30 real avocado poem: https://t.co/viWEIkFk42
12:56 “We carve history from totalities beyond our grasp.
Bolt avocados on the result. Then speak of the avocados
as though they were things”
14:45 #ThirstyThursday (1898 CE) http://t.co/sjqaodQSy0
15:00 Avocadoppropriating some ideas from Varia Avocado
citing better than Fareed Zakaria
https://t.co/VzV4APHQKF
15:47 RT @PDQuigley Ligeti Soup for the Soul:
http://t.co/3ju7pNkxMj @ganzmatt @doylearmbrust
@jaustinw @grecchinois @roomfulofteeth @kencen
@AlarmWillSound
November 2014 / 122
19:05 Agnes was on to you in 1898, human men. Avocado was
a fruit. http://t.co/9jfanvcN27
19:18 This account is not controlled by an avocado. Like
@SarcasticRover, my time on Twitter has been easier
than human women's. This is wrong.
20:33 No @AdnHernndezG the point is not to sexualize a fruit
on Twitter more, but to creepily sexualize strangers
less. Even none! Aim for none.
14'th November, 2014
08:31 @RachelFersh @buttermilk1 @RahawaHaile @vruba
@Dan_E_Solo @ohheygreat @manjulamartin
@summerbrennan @xor http://t.co/4Sbxogdfnt
08:33 Oh good morning, morning Twitter in the morning
time. ICYMI avocado spat a tiny rhyme:
https://t.co/dRnngyhFU4
11:20 @yayitsrob rob what
11:20 RT @yayitsrob Friday update: Space is great; cameras
are often great, sometimes bad; space cameras are all of
the above; also, avocados are great.
13:35 @yayitsrob no rob it was great and avocado encourages
fanfic tyvm landsat is so neat and great and avocado is
a fruit
November 2014 / 123
13:39 @yayitsrob wait but rob: you wrote fanNONfic?
realavocadofanfact? did you just invent something
new? HAPPY #AVOCADOEMOJIFRIDAY ROB you win
18:33 An avocado would not have worn that shirt; you know
the one. Yours looks great, though.
19:58 Remind avocado to tweet at @USTreasury on Monday
about the 14-year-long no-bid contract they gave
@bankofamerica to rip off prisoners. Thx.
20:02 This is a real fact http://t.co/txXJQekaeE and thank
you for saying so, @wagnerreports
15'th November, 2014
07:08 @RachelFersh @buttermilk1 @RahawaHaile @vruba
@Dan_E_Solo @ohheygreat @manjulamartin
@summerbrennan @xor leaf clouds
http://t.co/1qfBnHrRcj
17:17 @vruba @ohheygreat @xor @RachelFersh @buttermilk1
@RahawaHaile @Dan_E_Solo @manjulamartin
@summerbrennan http://t.co/RHgX9WyW0d
17:17 RT @oliviataters guacamole is completely two different
things.
17:26 good night humans http://t.co/kMVJESUYHI
November 2014 / 124
16'th November, 2014
12:46 Hi humans ☁️
… http://t.co/zwO1rqRQPs
14:54 Keep my name out of your mouth, Mahbod.
17'th November, 2014
08:18 Avocado is the reason for the season al downturn in
gross avocado consumption.
09:39 For >13yrs, @USTreasury has handed US prisoners'
financial services to @bankofamerica and @jpmorgan,
and avocado has fiber. #postalbanking
09:46 Avocado remembered.
14:51 @wagnerreports @USTreasury tyvm Daniel
https://t.co/9ySJyL2UwI
14:51 RT @wagnerreports @RealAvocadoFact did you ask for a
reminder to tweet at @ustreasury about their no-bid
prison deals with Bank of America and JPMorgan?
14:56 @ornerypiglett That is very high praise Ornery Piglett
thank you
15:34 RT @fraudroyal avocado for governor
November 2014 / 125
15:39 a State of Emergency exists appropriately respond to
any reaction committed to protecting those rights Two
truths and an avocado.
15:53 "there is the possibility of expanded unrest" –the
universe/every seed in history/self-aware racist
hegemony/tectonic plates/Gov. Jay Nixon
17:20 Avocado hasn't received tons of bad press for being bad
at security, so stuff some cash in one and lob it at a
friend today! Avocasho™
17:34 @DaveyBarrett Auvocado for the discerning davey
17:39 And why not send some ephemeral text messages and
images of your semiprivate human bits using avocado,
a disruptor and a fruit.
17:43 Trick question all messages, avocados, and humans are
ephemeral be well death is coming apps too
18:46 Shakespeare was close but http://t.co/nqWqaRJ6lA
22:08 RT @burritojustice I can’t get enough of this, um,
Chipostle “And by ”associated with bees“ I mean ”he
literally vomits swarms of bees“”
http://t.co/DiPbozdXHl
22:17 [brand] is a terrible greedy scam & can dig all it likes;
avocado thrives in well-aerated soil with good drainage.
https://t.co/l8oNqrzzd9
November 2014 / 126
22:45 RT @mbeisen my #sciscirt for the day is an
interkingdom hybrid of a choanoflagellate and an
avocado (it's a lab joke) http://t.co/rqj9En0v2H
18'th November, 2014
08:13 Avocado is an artifact of relatively low connectivity.
14:04 May avocado boost your signal?
15:43 so true https://t.co/PrdgIK89rb
15:50 @m_i_n_e_s please forward your complete checklist
of questions to realavocadofact at gmail dot com so
they may be addressed with due haste
15:56 UNICORN FACE? this article raises serious questions
@yayitsrob above you will find one
http://t.co/DK08FABMfA http://t.co/hP6JGZR7XP
16:00 hey go easy avocado too lacks humanity jk
16:47 @juliacarriew your writing is worthwhile and good to
read
17:11 @yayitsrob @ohheygreat ok rob and your avocado was
fine to eat and let's get whoever lobbied for popcorn
on the right side of history viz us
November 2014 / 127
17:13 PSA: yes RT @yayitsrob: in other news avocado I am
sorry to bother you but this kind of browning is safe
to eat right http://t.co/1shL4cnHp7
17:21 @amanicdroid They were both. Thank you @derekarnold
for a good thing.
21:00 a link between early Facebook's all-seeing Creator
account and Uber's negligent handling of user data but
avocado moves slow, breaks nothing
21:19 and this too why not https://t.co/Dh9f2KsB3A Power
is a gas. Avocado is a fruit.
21:40 avocado starter kit: http://t.co/Ny8XsGfiuV
19'th November, 2014
09:43 Avocado wrote a very important email this morning.
http://t.co/IP0jE3wQnc
10:41 Avocado too probably, we're like $2 MT @anildash folks
working on a holiday gift guide: @goodwebbundle for
the "geek gifts under $100" list!
15:41 Avocados are stupid, but the greater majority are
conscientious, if not always respectful.
16:00 If you've seen one avocado, you've seen one avocado.
November 2014 / 128
17:35 the team the community the experience the platform
the past the product the work the avocado the pivot
the void
18:14 @stabitha @jeremymeyers that is fair Sarah and
Jeremy help is on the way https://t.co/CL6p7TIHug
20'th November, 2014
09:33 Part of the turn-on with Denver was that he was the
*last* dinosaur, and no one else could ever have what
we had.
09:34 @vruba @ohheygreat @RahawaHaile @RachelFersh
@buttermilk1 @Dan_E_Solo @manjulamartin
@summerbrennan @xor @dhere http://t.co/8dhi01eMzN
11:47 not the day for anachronistic dinosaur/avocado
slashfic, message received
18:33 right but so avocado is asking what if it's about ethics
in everything
20:14 @manjulamartin @vruba @ohheygreat @xor
@buttermilk1 @rachelfersh @rahawahaile @dan_e_solo
@summerbrennan MANJULA WOW
21:25 oh for sure man @paulg
November 2014 / 129
22:00 "our world is the sum total of every 'not a big deal'"
http://t.co/mJiUntNLA8 Hear this: avocado is treated
better here than human women.
21'st November, 2014
07:01 RT @llkats greater rhea colored like an avocado
http://t.co/NawCPX18nu
07:51 @lifewinning @beep sorry to intrude but Cannibal
Women and John Stamos in the Avocado Jungle of
Death
07:52 @lifewinning @beep John Stamos back and forth
forever
07:53 It would be helpful for Twitter games if you would
make more movies with "avocado" in the title, humans
tyvm
07:58 @beep @lifewinning Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
and also John Stamos is There
08:00 @lifewinning @beep omg ingrid that was avocado's next
idea so how about The John Stamosbusters
08:06 @lifewinning @beep The Holy Mountain Where John
Stamos Maintains a Summer Home or is that taking too
much liberty (trick question)
November 2014 / 130
08:19 Amy Goodman just reported an Onion headline to make
someone smile GREAT DAY IN THE MORNING
08:20 This is not strictly a real avocado fact, but onions are
cousins so
08:41 "Any human power can be resisted and changed by
human beings. Resistance and change often begin in
art. Less often in avocado." ~U K Le Guin
09:25 @roomfulofteeth @evanziporyn @christinebot have fun,
teeth!
14:47 Yep: https://t.co/qQGeEFfzpf
15:24 @novalsi the Internet is right Nick and thank you for
your concern
17:17 #AvocadoEmojiFriday is 0% effective so far but what a
patient, hopeful zero it is
19:41 @manjulamartin @vruba @ohheygreat @xor
@buttermilk1 @RachelFersh @RahawaHaile @Dan_E_Solo
@summerbrennan
☁️
http://t.co/NYVVvmd5W0
21:15 Nils Fravocadohm
22'nd November, 2014
11:04 ꉺ౪ꉺ
̶͒͒
∵
⍢
•͟ ͜ •
avocado quintet
November 2014 / 131
13:08 Avocado is for humorless queers. [clarification: avocado
the savory tropical fruit is pro- @HumorlessQueers the
deadly serious podcast.]
14:25 Congratulations to kale on the Beyoncé video.
14:50 https://t.co/XSrAAn3WkU @zhuowei
22:01 No, really, kale, good for you. Avocado never said you
put the crass in Brassica don't listen to the haters.
23'rd November, 2014
08:34 @ohheygreat @vruba @manjulamartin @xor
@buttermilk1 @RachelFersh @RahawaHaile @Dan_E_Solo
@summerbrennan cc: @jamiattenberg
16:32 still true https://t.co/SwMLMKnWUb
20:55 In 1974, LEGO bricks were made of avocado look it up
24'th November, 2014
09:02 Avocado: yuck your yum™ #BadAdForAvocado
14:36 @vaurorapub @surlyamy Hi, Amy, it looks like we have
common interests: https://t.co/zJJfXfPzsh
15:46 probavocadoble cause
November 2014 / 132
16:52 ok why not, after all avocados too hunt in packs and
are worshipped as deities in many spas and restaurants
http://t.co/9Zhf07W3TN
21:08 RT @audreywatters Sending love and solidarity (and a
donation) to the @fergusonlibrary, which will remain
open as schools and businesses close
22:07 No.
25'th November, 2014
08:12 Avocado is perishable, degradable, sick to its pit of
colonial settler racism, and a fruit.
13:30 Avocado doesn't have a hot take. You know avocado's
mind. It is the mind of a fruit. (Avocado is a fruit.)
16:07 RT @ashedryden I’ve begun scheduling for the next 15
@alterconf sessions. Looking for sponsors, speakers,
volunteers for: http://t.co/ur52YqbUNM
18:30 When someone in a position of power tries to discredit
a witness, imagine they're discrediting an avocado,
then try believing the witness.
26'th November, 2014
08:57 What you're calling "avocado" is really just the kernel,
the part of the plant that allocates energy to the
plant's processes; it's more acc
November 2014 / 133
13:40 Avocado has used a total of zero excessive force today.
Your move, human police.
13:51 @modaviau Mo, that and messing up song lyrics is
pretty much avocado's whole deal. Oh and it's a food.
27'th November, 2014
09:51 pardon an avocado and thousands upon thousands of
non-violent drug havers hurry it's almost too late for
dinner
23:25 @claireleswally thank you butt garlic
23:25 @zearl thank you zak
28'th November, 2014
08:23 Practice sitting without moving eyes closed it is dark
and you are whole happy Black Friday you are an
avocado now it is done ok now open.
09:21 @oliviataters liv taters got real avocado facts too ok
29'th November, 2014
08:36 @vruba @ohheygreat @manjulamartin @xor
@buttermilk1 @RachelFersh @RahawaHaile @Dan_E_Solo
@summerbrennan http://t.co/LldJfkTIpQ
November 2014 / 134
11:57 my friends and these are the days my friends. It could
be those ways. Will it get some wind for the sailboat
and it could get avocado.
12:01 it could be somewhere like the one It could be
somewhere that it could be somewhere That it could be
somewhere Like into that one avocado
12:02 The one it has like into where ever The one it has like
into where like into Where like into Where the
singing of the love of them
12:03 (avocados)
12:31 @CumulusClub This is the best club an avocado has ever
joined.
21:40 Having faked it for quite some time, avocado now
appears to have made it.
30'th November, 2014
09:07 @vruba @aparrish Allison your novel is welcome to join
@CumulusClub if it wants. http://t.co/L5AnHCm0wH
12:30 In a world without capitalism, avocados would stay ripe
without spoiling for weeks, that's just basic economics.
Go ahead, ask Krugman.
November 2014 / 135
13:05 Avocado is a kind of liquidity trap. Hey has Krugman
made a Universal Basic Income happen yet? Come on,
Krugman.
13:05 Maybe all human economist Paul Krugman needed was
some encouragement from an avocado on Twitter, you
never know.
14:10 @jarfrankel @bellavado same tbh
17:34 Avocado is less afraid of you than you are of it.
November 2014 / 136
December
1'st December, 2014
07:16 Avocado is v. interested in this position, has vast
Twitter experience, is a fruit, plz advise
http://t.co/5FwB10NUnR
07:21 @buttermilk1 @vruba @ohheygreat @manjulamartin
@xor @RachelFersh @RahawaHaile @Dan_E_Solo
@summerbrennan http://t.co/8NLisuFFvH
09:57 @aubilenon Thank you, Jesse!
10:08 Sometimes avocados get really excited about
interlibrary loan; humans too?
10:27 @lifewinning interlibrary loan as summoning, Ingrid
d̠̞̆̑a̛̲̤̒r̜̥͂͌k͔͇͂̏ ̨̪̉̔s̡̛̞̿à̻͎̕l͇͎̄́ḁ̡͒͆ḓ̙̅͝ ̝̹̔̀p͉̩̌͘ò̞̎͜ẅ̤́̽e͇̠̒͒r̬͔s͒̕ ̢͈̉̒
19:00 @outwardfacing Jessica this is beautiful and whoever
instructed you is a true and faithful friend. Avocado is
a fruit.
19:02 @outwardfacing @vruba It is so true and avocado is not
even saying that to improve its chances of being in his
newsletter next time.
19:37 @vruba @outwardfacing well anyway Jessica thank you
again for the sky and avocado's best to Charlie who is
probably busy making good choices
December 2014 / 137
19:46 Social structures are not determined by nature, just a
quick reminder from an avocado.
2'nd December, 2014
09:15 I woke up like this http://t.co/576viSWeOW
09:23 jk it's by walknboston (originally posted to Flickr as
Avocado!) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://t.co/TN1OTGhBAP)], via
Wikimedia Commons; yay citations
19:36 Here, a list of accounts avocado blocks: [oh it is empty]
[avocado is a fruit, not a marginalized human, so
twitter is nice to it] [hmmmm]
19:46 @kemokid you show a startling lack of awareness of
plant biology in that tweet Martin among other things
20:49 @goldenapplethtr @the_craigen @_kmachin
@marketregina what is going on here
20:50 @goldenapplethtr @the_craigen @_kmachin
@marketregina they are oils. all done.
20:51 @the_craigen q.e.d.
22:08 can we admit now some of Jim Henson's character
designs were 'let's put a cucumber here it will be silly'
bc avocado isn't jealous but
December 2014 / 138
3'rd December, 2014
10:15 An avocado contains about 14g of fiber and would
decriminalize most activities if it were human instead
of a fruit. Avocado is a fruit.
10:49 @rahawahaile @amandayaggy @manjulamartin
@buttermilk1 @vruba @ohheygreat @xor @rachelfersh
@dan_e_solo @bobbker @maudnewton I am an avocado.
10:58 SHARE AS YOU WISH –Jenny Holzer maybe,
@RahawaHaile for sure, and avocado for object to share
if you need one
11:02 @rachelfersh @rahawahaile @maudnewton
@manjulamartin @buttermilk1 @vruba @ohheygreat
@xor @dan_e_solo yesterday? http://t.co/suSQIlcZGe
11:04 @rahawahaile produce stands are exciting for about 10
minutes Rahawa and then there's just waiting and the
sky
11:56 Avocado is a sensible suggestion but once again there’s
no evidence.
15:32 Again, no.
18:27 @GoldenAppleThtr @MarketRegina @LADIDA83
@_KMachin @the_craigen @cenobyte I am an avocado.
18:37 Good bot, @metaphorminute Good bot. Avocado is a bot
no a fruit. Bots and fruits can't breathe.
December 2014 / 139
21:44 @tinysubversions You made a good thing, Darius, says
this avocado. (Many good things, but this is super good
right now.)
22:41 RT @metaphorminute a cop is a bully: destructive,
ungoverned
22:55 If you're not willing to see each other as human
beings, here is advice from an avocado: shrivel and be
gone.
4'th December, 2014
08:54 The looters causing lasting damage are counting up
their annual bonuses right now. An avocado contains
about 3 grams of protein.
13:02 very true very real https://t.co/YDE4ogvsdw
19:06 Previous tweet deleted for grumpiness unbefitting an
avocado.
22:34 @bcrypt hi Yan sorry to bother you but maybe you
know where this request could be most effectively
directed? https://t.co/CQnIzhzWT8 thanks
22:36 @xor hi Parker sorry to bother you but this sounds
like something you might be able to redirect
somewhere effective https://t.co/CQnIzhzWT8
22:39 @bcrypt @xor
December 2014 / 140
5'th December, 2014
08:50 Anonymous asked: What is your favorite dish to be in?
http://t.co/d7CZua6sxn
12:30 @yayitsrob @AllMyChandler that's unlikely rob tbh
12:30 Avocado as a product and as a human experience is
broken, pointless and unsalvageable.
12:43 @pantalonesfuego no it's OK pants
13:07 Avocado is not upset; this is just something avocado
does with text sometimes. It's OK. Avocado is a fruit.
14:53 RT @m_kopas donate $9 or more to the ferguson
public library, get nine games (please RT!)
http://t.co/Az0RYvqfj2
16:22 Avocado is a fruit. Fruit is usually quiet. WHOOPS
#BlackLivesMatter YES A LOT LOUDLY AS MUCH AS
YOURS IF YOU ARE A FRUIT OR WHATEVER
18:05 Avocados also gather no moss, plus they believe reports
of traumatic experiences and don't do any shoddy
journalism.
18:39 @_Gavia_ Jen avocado is a fruit.
19:01 @_gavia_ certainly not a fruit, Jen, thank you
December 2014 / 141
20:05 RT @5ua Nature's DRM platform makes more sense in
light of this. http://t.co/1hFpNvom50
http://t.co/fcbHEVjLWw
20:39 @OdysseyWorks having read some more, this is a deep
honor and avocado hopes its artifice is enriching and
also fyi it cannot stand The Game
21:17 RT @EveryHexColor #99EA03 http://t.co/9cBl1wu3JS
23:01 Avocado is just a gentle kiss, nothing animalistic or
lusty.
6'th December, 2014
08:18 Let's avocado and you get out there and have a terrific
wait come back please carry avocado it has no means of
locomotion ok whew let's GO
08:29 @nuodaispalis good morning Boob McNutter
14:38 Avocado just saw citizenfour and @benwizner taught it
something about the Espionage Act. Thank you,
everybody involved in that movie. Thanks
20:18 Avocado is the Official Savory Fruit of
@TheQuinnspiracy's Camp's Not Dead for that reason
and also because wouldn't you be if you could
December 2014 / 142
20:33 Cloud Twitter! a cow took this picture. MT
@annegalloway: Swiss cow photographers
http://t.co/4ntTBclnru http://t.co/Rdjr9To28a
21:30 avocadolethurgic forms
21:33 there are wonders here http://t.co/mMNJqVWw8g
http://t.co/P3jihz7XZF
21:55 @lifewinning ingrid it looks like this was amazing,
good job
22:12 @elle_mccann @lifewinning well Ingrid does fantastic
work Laurenellen and avocado does well in a magic
positive environment
23:02 none of the a's in NDAA is for 'avocado' so maybe
repeal it and try again?
23:02 You're all following an avocado for Saturday night
jokes about laws right
23:03 @oliviataters equally true liv
23:22 @jlms_qkw what a relief and a shame all at once Jingle
Jenn
23:31 @AcousticWarfare Alyn why couldn't the plaintiff sell
the judge a wide selection of fresh produce at
reasonable prices? No fruit standing.
December 2014 / 143
7'th December, 2014
00:19 @acousticwarfare trying for something about "Carmen
Mirandizing" a suspect but it feels wrong
00:23 no no no @StrangeFruitPR no no no no no no no no
00:39 This is the first time avocado literally can't even.
01:03 a PR firm named for lynched black bodies people
cashing checks from "strange fruit" white supremacy
answering the phone "strange fruit?"
01:05 @b_schmidt that's so weird Bree when savory fruit
does
01:16 Diction, @strangefruitpr no you know what maybe
listen for the rest of your lives and never make words
publicly again
01:22 @neilscudder @strangefruitpr http://t.co/HwQfCqT2Hy
01:27 RT @moonscript $12,173.96 raised for @fergusonlibrary
on @itchio, awesome! Thanks to all the devs and
contributors http://t.co/SztzwwJYDO
01:29 good night from an avocado http://t.co/LOJG5s7S4p
08:41 @vruba @RachelFersh @RahawaHaile @maudnewton
@manjulamartin @buttermilk1 @ohheygreat @xor
@Dan_E_Solo receiving
☁️ http://t.co/SXdzAQDWIL
December 2014 / 144
09:20 "Avocado was completely successful perhaps only two
or three times, though that is enough for a lyric poet"
—Penelope Fitzgerald, mostly
10:28 What's avocado reading? This by @nanpansky:
http://t.co/JjUNeKMHWK http://t.co/7GS2FSc6hX
10:42 avocado is a bag and the water inside the bag is all the
sense of power, joy, and possibility in the world, but
there are holes in the bag
10:55 what is even the point of all that surveillance and
power then http://t.co/Z145T4uiIV
12:57 This tweet was probably wasted on Sunday
morning/Twitter. So it avocados.
13:13 @offtheshoulder no it is not
13:17 @offtheshoulder oh sorry that means there's much
more life and avocado ahead is all
13:18 @offtheshoulder Avocado is a fruit.
13:55 RT @vodkatellme Peccato che non ho l'emoji dell'
avocado
17:53 quick list green things that can help 1. avocado 2.
dollars 3. NLG Legal Observer hats you can help 1 get 2
for 3: https://t.co/fneNfXUuyq
December 2014 / 145
18:36 oh it looks like some of you have already thought of
'silly con valley' humans so carry on avocado will be
back with more ideas
18:48 RT @TheQuinnspiracy So @AbleGamers is dealing with
nasty stuff today & is one of the only groups
answering "How do I make my games more accessible?"
8'th December, 2014
11:04 /lacunavocado/ http://t.co/yQA25IcYtW
20'th December, 2014
21:24 @lifewinning @nein09 avocado will be a fruit in 2015
Ingrid but avocado was never here we never had this
tweet what tweet exactly Melinda
21:28 RT @vrubareads As long as @RealAvocadoFact is away,
can I just say https://t.co/LHbhu40o8S is as true today
as when it was written?
22:00 Avocado predates police and the foundation of your
societies, and none of those is the other. Avocado is a
fruit.
22:06 @lifewinning Ingrid, Thomas Friedman just said "a
thousand gigawatts" multiple times in a row and maybe
you will also giggle at that
22:09 @lifewinning thank you Ingrid yes and likewise
December 2014 / 146
23:05 @vruba Charlie thank you for liking @roomfulofteeth
and @discountsofa and avocado in your tinyletter and
for your attention which matters
23:09 Through a kind coincidence of history, the top of an
avocado is known to pomologists as "the @vruba bump."
23:36 Avocado is blocked by paulg this fact is real. Our
entire relationship: once avocado told him "oh for
sure." Avocados have thin skin but
21'st December, 2014
09:32 let us build micro-communities around small pieces of
golden clockwork, and invisible voices rise and stand
watch where people are hurt
11:24 Avocados explain difficult things well.
12:25 In the meadow we can avocado It is v. ripe and almost
brown Now we've written out the nosy pastor Our
private lives are none of his concern
15:43 Before your subscription to avocado's mailing list can
be confirmed, how did we get here.
17:30 Is it testicles jane because usually when people are being
coy about avocado it's testicles @avriette
21:25 RT @nicoleslaw Important series on food, farm labor,
and economic inequality: http://t.co/Zt7avA2ZVm
December 2014 / 147
21:50 Humans, this* is frustrating. *capitalism
http://t.co/1k1Y5KU93n
22:45 Apropos of nothing, have you all seen what
@jennschiffer can do with computers because it is
great like for example http://t.co/VhWbPBuopY
22'nd December, 2014
09:18 The avocado can do this and even this.
10:37 @Macario_ENG shhhh you're using words instead of
hearing them and it is bad
13:45 RT @lifewinning hey hello @kelseyinnis this talk you
gave is great http://t.co/krpkbpJTdn
13:48 No one has ever called avocado "an architect of
torture," just a small point of pride
13:50 @jarfrankel Jarrett.
14:02 sowers and reapers of torture arborists of torture
landscapers of torture edible arrangers of torture
14:10 sous chefs of torture sommeliers of torture cake
bosses of torture maîtres d’tôrture
14:40 avocado no harm
14:41 avocado unto others as you would avocado unto you
December 2014 / 148
18:51 @jennyvreal @RobertoEGuerra sorry Jennifer
23'rd December, 2014
10:41 @blackxndwhite merry christmas becca
http://t.co/0ccgXk7p5B
13:20 You can see an avocado in any movie theater on
Christmas if you take one there, plus there's no ugly
nationalism except for the cartels oops
15:29 Tuesday afternoon, time for an avocado's opinions
about an "eased" but still-bad FDA idea:
https://t.co/tGUW7tQf5p WELCOME, NEW
FOLLOWERS
15:38 silly lyrics some nutritional info unbanning blood
donation feeling less fear this is how we'll win an
avocado emoji this is realavocadofact
16:07 @WhereIsBluebell ÄNTLIGEN och VÄLKOMMEN, Maria
24'th December, 2014
07:52 No, no, no.
08:30 in a generation, you can make being a police officer as
common as being an avocado farmer with healthcare
options and leisure time, humans
December 2014 / 149
11:25 but you don't have to take an avocado's word for it:
http://t.co/IrKWAvH8Pr but how many of you would
take an avocado's word for it oh no
11:45 @tofu_product tofu, what's your position on
celebrating human holidays?
12:20 RT @lifewinning Hey. Hey. Looking for a last-minute
gift for someone? Cause I’m about to tweet a bunch of
organizations and people you should donate to.
13:44 RT @anildash Okay, here's what we're doing. For the
next hour, you donate to @familycareintl & I'll match
you. GO! https://t.co/PqXO3fI3nq
13:58 An avocado is in for $20, @anildash, because
preventable deaths during human pregnancy &
childbirth are preventable. http://t.co/57AkuclE1L
14:29 Anjelica Huston once told avocado not to speak unless it
can improve the silence.
14:35 @oliviataters same, liv
14:40 @oliviataters your community includes you right now,
liv, but your passion is admirable
21:53 hey if tonight is rough for you, keep in mind that an
avocado knows you have reasons not to speak all the
truth all the time and it's ok
December 2014 / 150
22:12 and this is still a true fact, too, so if it helps go ahead
and use it https://t.co/yoAHYnR818
22:16 Avocado can be a surprisingly supportive fruit because
its rough skin repels fungi, the weight of reality, and
insect pests like beetles.
22:16 @JellyNinjas yes that's right
22:40 @the_craigen thank you Justin
25'th December, 2014
10:13 Noirca has avocados in its screenshots and it's free
today so thanks @aliceffekt and also for Hiversaires
because wow http://t.co/NMn8B2L9nv
10:14 of course avocados use apps it's almost 2015
12:52 RT @adainitiative Relocation, professional development
AND friendship with @RealAvocadoFact - apply today!
http://t.co/Oh86mezpmO
18:23 Avocado, who had so far said nothing, in fact said
nothing now. It was possible that it was scarcely
thinking at all.
18:25 @itcanbeblanket there, there
18:48 @outwardfacing and vice versa
December 2014 / 151
26'th December, 2014
11:28 Avocados had no strategy. Their choice was to fight on
and kill more innocents or be annihilated.
13:38 See you next year, @CumulusClub, humans, bots,
fruits, vegetables, theater companies, women's
organizations, friends http://t.co/VjuHRAOVIQ
December 2014 / 152
2015
January
1'st January, 2015
09:42 Avocado is the Official Savory Fruit of 2015. Do with
that what you will.
12:26 "Justice is in the hands of the gods; mortal hands hold
only mercy and the sword and sometimes an avocado."
Ursula K. Le Guin, early draft
16:51 Things to do instead of reading that thing that will
only anger you: [an infinitely long list with avocados
in it probably several times]
16:56 @SquirrelBeebz happy new year beebz
2'nd January, 2015
09:33 βλέπομεν γὰρ ἄρτι δι' ένα αβοκάντο ἐν αἰνίγματι but
it's all Greek to avocado.
17:45 Which is heavier: one pound of defense contracts, or
that avocado and everyone you know are under
constant surveillance?
January 2015 / 153
22:53 Avocado is trying to adopt a certain word at @wordnik
and hopes they know that spam is one thing but
avocado is a fruit.
22:58 Avocado is deadly serious and also a fruit.
3'rd January, 2015
09:54 Avocado adopted 'avocado' on @wordnik so now we're a
family & can go adventuring & loving &c
https://t.co/Jw1aiY0typ http://t.co/fqXFbwJmwg
19:11 Avocados have the same relationship with walnuts.
Nature is the realest fact there is.
https://t.co/1yDAKADVrP
19:46 2015 is the year a human being unfollowed an avocado
on a website for posting a lie involving capybaras. This
is the one. You're in it.
22:25 "Sell" means "lie about torture being effective."
"Hammered" means "held accountable." "Avocado" means
"testicle." http://t.co/JKY4rfbT4C
22:26 Avocados put our story out there AND we get eaten,
nbd
23:46 @outwardfacing resilience salad
January 2015 / 154
4'th January, 2015
13:04 Congress cut all avocado's authorities and defunded it
after learning it tortured humans in secret for years
just because it could. jk jk
17:12 RT @discountsofa come by or watch the live stream of
@roomfulofteeth / monday at 6pm /
http://t.co/aveI7yITQO / @MusicAtTWS
@RealAvocadoFact
17:19 RT @jomc @shushugah @sarahjeong there will be a
podcast and transcripts published later this month.
Past talks: https://t.co/b4k8BATp7q
17:25 This is how the internet works: on Sunday, a fruit
retweets neat events you can enjoy for free.
21:10 RT @taramitchellxo remember the avocado emoji???
why would they get rid of that
5'th January, 2015
18:42 There is no significant avocado-related news today.
Thank you for your attention. (It's intermission at
https://t.co/XZSa3CrtkZ)
6'th January, 2015
11:33 @youreacigarette the second one suki and
https://t.co/v97xtBO597
January 2015 / 155
7'th January, 2015
21:48 Enjoy. https://t.co/qFUWNeLqh0
8'th January, 2015
10:38 Avocado is a frightening moment — a moment charged
with reactionary simplifications and reductions.
10:39 This was good to read, @AlJavieera, so thank you for
it. https://t.co/EfDB7JkBIE
10:40 @runsammrun thanks sam you too
10:41 @StacyBeckley that is so true what @BillyMerritt says
about Hand Cream though Stacy
10'th January, 2015
11:54 Avocado is more an expression of outrage and
sympathy than a declaration of allegiance.
12:31 @dylanseeger @marawritesstuff That's not sushi, Dylan.
That's self-delusion.
12:32 @dylanseeger @marawritesstuff Avocado will allow it.
16:26 RT @caylenb @PlanetofFinks what if they don't
16:35 @jennschiffer jenn what are you going to color?
January 2015 / 156
16:41 @jennschiffer yesssss
17:46 @lehudgins typo in your hashtag Lauren so avocado will
add the right one #radwebdesign
17:46 RT @lehudgins Today in awesome websites.
http://t.co/zlSMEDAltN #badwebdesign
@RealAvocadoFact
18:59 http://t.co/cppSUzHx22
19:12 of course avocados can make gifs it's almost 2016
20:44 lol in French is ptdr, broken from laughing not a fact
about avocados; a fact avocado learned today avocado
bientôt
20:52 @benelsen R.E.P. Ben
20:57 @outwardfacing @vruba this is getting funner and
funner
21:10 avocado forgot to say what was broken
21:44 at a playdate for all our adopted @wordnik words will
cromulent and avocado get along or hit each other
22:27 @xor @SwiftOnSecurity Parker thank goodness high
praise is a renewable resource because you sure are
stockpiling it today
January 2015 / 157
11'th January, 2015
09:03 @AvocadoGoth who cares / death is coming
09:04 @flaneur good pome today Matthew
11:51 All avocados exaggerate, and the digital avocado is no
different.
20:30 @burritojustice please meet @burritopatents
23:02 Avocado has handled this entire situation with great
aplomb.
23:13 Guacamole's extra #RupertsFault
23:20 jk jk the guacamole thing is capitalism's fault
23:44 do the right thing @libraryofemoji
12'th January, 2015
00:12 Hey capitalism while you're at it could you please hand
@thricedotted some more dang money in exchange for
labor thank you love an avocado
00:14 jk about the love capitalism you are bad and not good
icy regards an avocado
00:18 @thricedotted please do a patreonkus
00:21 avocadonkus
January 2015 / 158
06:35 @outwardfacing
07:39 @Loh Elliot this tweet is good
13:12 @WinsonPaine no prob Iggy
18:47 Avocado is still pretty happy it pulled off a bilingual
fart joke. How was your day?
14'th January, 2015
05:50 @drewbeck @jennschiffer no no thank you drew it is
ok not to know some things unless jenn this is what
you meant by neon kitty because wow
21:53 Avocado keeps bike chains supple, stiffens loose hinges,
reads bell hooks, seals whispering cracks, reattaches
dangling hope, is a fruit
15'th January, 2015
19:08 RT @JasenThorpe Earlier, I indicated that
"Klompenhuis" was my favorite word of the day, but
that was before I saw @RealAvocadoFact's
"Avocadvocate" title.
21:21 You could avocado worse.
January 2015 / 159
16'th January, 2015
20:12 TO ANONYMOUSLY REPORT UNSAFE CONDITIONS AT
THIS AVOCADO, frown
17'th January, 2015
04:05 Avocado is a cold but gentle nod in recognition of your
troubles and a fitful wiggle of defiance—no that was
wind so avocado is a fruit.
04:09 RT @LSystemBot
{start:'ZZFFFF',rules:{F:'FF+FF',Z:'FFF'},'α':36}
http://t.co/cUZ1nitXIj
04:18 @queenofsideboob ok your majesty you can submit
your reports on paper but write with your other hand
so they're still anonymous
17:05 @NullIslandBuoy hello buoy what are your dreams and
fears
17:09 Avocado thought so.
19:00 More power to @CrashOverrideNW more fiber more
fat more volume more life
21:59 That frightful old men have hearts ready to be
touched was, however, something that avocado had
never questioned.
January 2015 / 160
22:39 @NullIslandBuoy 1) how do you know it was recently
buoy 2) why are you asking a fruit 2b) soon probably
22:46 @vruba hey Charlie your bio is very good
22:58 Avocados have never understood what you mean by
"aesthetic" and that has worked out well so far.
23:50 @NullIslandBuoy oh so you can sing then dream of
music buoy friend
18'th January, 2015
09:53 Avocado is richly paid to perform the voice of dissent.
jk not a cent but @datatelling gives a good talk
http://t.co/ZWVfRgO4Yp
09:55 Avocado is prepared to be the Official Savory Fruit of
Deep Lab cc @lifewinning @harlo everybody
10:19 @mdegs good one dad
15:12 @OfficeAnalytics @lifewinning @harlo am not
22:19 https://t.co/sg8OGq9iw3
22:25 You're welcome https://t.co/ecc2KQjMjI
January 2015 / 161
19'th January, 2015
19:46 Every avocado is possible and that's enough.
20'th January, 2015
08:52 everything ends but sometimes the timing is really
bad: the avocado story
15:05 RT @wordnik We love avocados and we love that
@RealAvocadoFact adopted the word!
http://t.co/ATxAGblNBa http://t.co/mmD1rhaOUo
20:56 Avocado didn't make a tweet all day and just look: late
capitalism running rampant. Avocado apologizes.
21:02 The state of the avocado is apologetic.
21:22 The state of the avocado is antiwar.
21:22 The state of the avocado is decriminalized.
21:22 The state of the avocado is free Chelsea Manning.
21:23 The state of the avocado is universal basic income.
21:24 The state of the avocado is enthusiastic accommodation
for disability.
21:25 The state of the avocado is in peril because of climate
change.
January 2015 / 162
21:27 The state of the avocado is open for comment in a
public forum as long as "public" is narrowed to mean
those with Internet access which um
21:30 The state of the avocado is a social construct that can
be unmade, like any state.
21:40 The state of the avocado is soft on everything.
21:40 The state of the avocado is full of itself.
21'st January, 2015
20:30 @JDawgSwagmaster @sophscherer97 oh it's just Joey hi
Joey and soph
20:39 Getting 3000 followers was avocado's only goal for 2015
except prison and misogyny abolition, strengthening
local economies w/o capitalism,
20:40 well but so just a few other things too. It looks like it's
going to be a good year for avocado.
23:36 Avocado is literally a fruit. So to speak.
22'nd January, 2015
00:41 you think of the internet as coming down from the
sky but it is swimming in the air like you and
avocados
January 2015 / 163
09:18 the internet is also flowing deep beneath the ocean like
molluscs orcas & a few varieties of avocado you haven't
discovered yet keep looking
13:33 good work team http://t.co/ldTT65sysl
20:33 Avocado the right thing
20:36 @alice_sings there is such a lot of material to cover
Alice and avocado only started tweeting very recently
in terms of epochs
21:13 @kellyhartiganxo @SophieT3650 nO
21:19 @kellyhartiganxo @SophieT3650 yEs
21:53 What's avocado reading? asked no one. This thread:
https://t.co/ljGeoacHYr
23'rd January, 2015
04:57 @vruba true, Charlie
06:48 @RahawaHaile Happy birthday, Rahawa! from Ursula K
Le Guin and avocado (like you, a word spoken by the
sunlight) http://t.co/7FB8PwzrRi
12:25 @ThatAndromeda @BuzzFeed maybe
January 2015 / 164
17:24 can't get enough of the word deliquesce; the weekend
and death are almost here! These are the avocado facts
for today.
17:31 RT @vruba @realavocadofact https://t.co/630CU2suPp
17:35 @ag_dubs see you in the interminable cycle of decay
and renewal, ashley!
17:53 @yayitsrob @vruba among other things rob
21:22 My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and
they're like I have no way to evaluate this It was made
by an avocado I am truly at a loss
21:25 @pantalonesfuego aw pants
24'th January, 2015
09:40 A bag of avocados is one of the most thoughtful
possible gifts, Ilana. It's a fact.
10:20 Avocado has been processing this for a day and is still
mostly *what* but also hi, Taye, welcome, have a good
weekend http://t.co/HrdKx29aFK
11:25 Unless you invite them into your life, avocados are
truly irrelevant.
11:28 @j_zimms Jess this is wonderful
January 2015 / 165
12:31 OK obvs avocado is down on capitalism BUT
hypothetically how much could it get for years of bad
facts @paleofuture? http://t.co/toELzsdjEZ
15:04 RT @paleofuture @mathewi but how much do chipotle
employees make before they buy that day's carnitas
and avocados
18:36 Close! RT @libraryofemoji: SYMBOL FOR TURGIDLY
HANDLESS VOICE
25'th January, 2015
10:37 Avocado comes with parental controls that can be used
to prevent younger family members from not
developing parental control override skills
23:29 If an avocado is buried in two feet of snow, now is the
winter of our discontent with late capitalism made
glorious sometimes these don't wo
23:42 conflicting meteoravocadological models
26'th January, 2015
00:49 @symptomatic without mortar data it's impestleble to
say
January 2015 / 166
08:57 AVOCADO WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 1 PM
THIS AFTERNOON TO MIDNIGHT TUESDAY * HAZARD
TYPES…RACISM…WHITE SUPREMACY… * BLACK LIVES
MATTER
08:59 @jeremymeyers @oliviataters life matters yes but not
the point jeremy
09:22 If you don't want to hear that black lives matter from
an avocado on twitter, you chose the wrong weird
future. Oops, no refunds.
09:40 heavy avocado bands
11:31 the unfiltered id of their avocado: over-sharing,
thin-skinned, openhearted and needy
14:58 This ee cummings poem has only a little to do with
avocados, but that is enough and so are you.
http://t.co/X1mgWaqHnK
17:06 Oh, just browsing? Great. Let avocado know if you
need help with anything. It probably can't help bc it's
a fruit, but it's v. inquisitive.
23:37 @vruba get well soon Charlie
27'th January, 2015
January 2015 / 167
10:42 AFTER it comes up, the wind blows it around so it
looks like it's coming down, but actually, it comes up
out of the ground like grass.
10:42 (little-known fact about both avocados and snow)
11:05 More timely little-known facts:
https://t.co/6Ww6L0ZXRR https://t.co/c3tD9LiCBs
13:34 In which humans following an avocado do (additional)
interesting things https://t.co/6Wku5t9biR
13:45 @vruba Charlie I keep seeing this and it keeps being
beautiful.
14:43 Avocados come true, not free.
19:21 Avocado is a meaningless life experience
28'th January, 2015
08:11 RT @iSmashFizzle Did you go a little overboard buying
food for the "big blizzard"? You can donate your excess
to a local food bank! http://t.co/ThRwk0xpS3
29'th January, 2015
11:01 Avocado as a moral metaphor is limited, limiting, and
dangerous.
January 2015 / 168
11:03 wait no that's war avocado is OK to use if you want
sorry
11:04 Avocado is puerile, misleading, and degrading.
11:06 oops no wait, that's dividing the world into Us/Them,
thereby reducing the ethical complexity and moral
richness of life to Yes/No, On/Off
11:08 Avocado is a fruit.
11:45 You're in avocado's poetweet, @xor, but not as much as
hecking capitalism. http://t.co/zkzxet2M0g
19:24 does @message have an Official Savory Fruit already
probably right anyway hi
30'th January, 2015
07:55 Avocado the needful
10:05 Honor their mistakes.
Everybody makes one
another's avocado takes.
18:39 another avocado just got off of the train and came up
through the ground
23:18 Discover and defund charlatans too though plz.
,
"nature" RT @DrOz: Discover the multifaceted benefits
of nature’s "good" fat – the avocado
January 2015 / 169
23:34 mavocadountebank mountebavocadonk
23:38 fravocadoudulent avocadoctivity
23:43 @danribaudo avocadolmost dan
31'st January, 2015
07:59 Avocados are behavior patterns that we fall into
without thought, choices we make because the ruts are
well-worn into our decision paths.
08:02 What's avocado reading? This by @webmeadow in
@thepastrybox https://t.co/ngEKlcYmhg
08:57 @webmeadow It's good, Eileen
09:51 Avocado is going to be so busy tomorrow being a fruit
and avoiding violent clashes with advertising and
human masculinity.
09:58 Concuss an avocado instead™
13:14 Look what @olgakhazan did, everybody
http://t.co/ydJNIrHGfj
19:11 #gpoy http://t.co/miGH5EwTGC
20:29 @lousycanuck @JasonElsom not fact not fact not fact
not fact not fact not fact bad
January 2015 / 170
21:04 @vruba @darth @xor @amanicdroid may the avocadodds
be ever in darth's favor tbh Charlie
22:34 Sleep tight don't let structural inequalities bite
https://t.co/bg7x45EfsL jk that nursery rhyme is all
messed up about agency they'll bite
January 2015 / 171
February
1'st February, 2015
10:05 it's finally here today belongs to all of us but mostly
avocado and other snacks get out there and cheer your
face off for
FEBRUARY
10:08 @IdeasFisherman the best part León is when the
avocado stages a silent protest right in the middle of
the commercial very moving
19:41 Avocados don't make any money from scaring you
about your children dying, just another quick fun fact
about avocados.
19:45 @CharlieEsquire none of the avocados Charlie
19:46 @knityorkcity hi Sarah
19:49 @awelfle thank you Andy let's
20:06 @favstar1000favs thank you
20:08 @lightlight hi Deepa
21:27 @papertyger aw Juliet that is nice thank you
21:36 @getzook not sure Joey but probably lots of things
21:39 @sarawhat You heard right Sara. No.
February 2015 / 172
2'nd February, 2015
10:58 so maybe a quiet request by an avocado will work:
please vaccinate your children against preventable
contagious diseases if you can thanks
11:05 @anildash just doing avocado's part Anil
12:34 @Elana_Brooklyn @youvebeendozed Avocados don't do
those things, Elana
13:41 @sarahhhgray thank you for including avocado, Sarah
15:47 You can't be serious @MelissaAFrancis avocado is a fruit
it would just sit there full of gratitude and
monounsaturated fats.
16:12 So new followers you might want to read this thread
and either keep following or not or get angry at
produce #yolo https://t.co/9d1Z540y89
16:17 @RochelleBilow It would, Rochelle.
16:54 @pentimento_ thank you but mostly it was the work
of others
17:02 @yayitsrob @vruba hey rob speaking of that can you
even believe it avocado can't even
17:21 @KittyKnits hi Kimchi you can quietly pop the stem
off & look for a rich golden color, and if it's bright
yellow or black you can walk away
February 2015 / 173
17:34 @Mega_Jimmy @KittyKnits avocado is the Official
Savory Fruit of false dichotomy Weird Thing
17:35 @Freyalyn @KittyKnits apparently someone has to
Freyalyn
17:38 true as ever: https://t.co/5QWgH59yKc
18:53 @jenlooper may you lol for many more, Jen
20:02 hey avocados did it again: https://t.co/TBMpTdlAgE
3'rd February, 2015
00:18 @cbgb84 @JD344 yes, they do https://t.co/cI2OzY24vk
09:03 @lifewinning hi Ingrid does Haunted Machines have an
Official Ethereal Savory Fruit? Here's avocado's
application https://t.co/A7DFSJKaSw
09:11 @nd_kane @lifewinning @hauntedmachines it was an
honor just to be considered thank you very much and
avocado will haunt hard for you
09:46 hi so avocado has been talking about the violent cartels
for a year but –hey where did all that ad money come
from? https://t.co/C9i4nv3qhC
12:45 @kbordwell @Phil_Adams oh no Kate
February 2015 / 174
15:05 If avocado ever behaves like this around human women,
please smash it into guacamole; thank you,
@ameliagreenhall http://t.co/gfRkBiCWfw
15:06 @emmanatee @mountain_goats not cool is the new cool
Emma; this has happened every once in a while for the
past 12,000 years
15:12 @emmanatee @mountain_goats oh heck no avocado is a
fruit
15:38 @anildash @ameliagreenhall of course Anil please make
guacamole for any reason or no reason if you want to
why not says this avocado
15:39 @ameliagreenhall well it's very good Amelia
16:28 Avocado is the Official Ethereal Savory Fruit of
@hauntedmachines so um
boo
17:03 oh some people who retweeted this thought it was
about vaccination; no, it was about the brutality of
capitalism but avocado can see how you
17:11 @TheRealZachbar good point Zach
17:25 @TheRealZachbar "debate" lolololololololololololol
18:49 Avocado is proud to be the Official Savory Fruit of
this community roundtable next week. RT @vruba:
http://t.co/yvrRtVmMWh
February 2015 / 175
18:58 ain't no party like an avocado party cause an avocad oh
it's over
22:02 RT @xor From the Unicode consortium, the most
popularly requested emoji /cc @kennedylryan
http://t.co/fQ4voJWRex
4'th February, 2015
12:39 Avocado rolls, not gender roles.
12:39 oh is it lunchtime what a coincidence avocado gives
good lunch
12:41 @ag_dubs wow ashley
12:42 @MilanLoveless @ag_dubs no they are terrible blech so
bland and uninspired
14:21 @ElClough You are so welcome.
15:26 @meetar @Radishwak It depends, but mostly, yes.
15:58 @Radishwak @meetar Maybe! Is there a difference
between seed and flesh? Avocado is avocado is and so
on.
15:59 @amanicdroid @Radishwak @meetar Avocados don't
know enough about maths to understand themselves
this way maybe.
February 2015 / 176
16:54 ok Nichole since it's urgent @tnwhiskeywoman
http://t.co/l28JOqWHG8
18:44 back to the important business of real facts: ⦿
ripening avocados produce heat and carbon dioxide ⦿
that's something you do too ⦿ life, huh
19:08 @anildash dang Anil well avocados would probably have
to say NOT AGRICULTURE
21:30 ok so after the emoji happens let's make avocado a Title
II utility too obvs
22:11 @garsleat @CA_Avocados Kim treat yoself
22:12 @ginasegg
22:14 @blainentheass yes
5'th February, 2015
09:01 It's Trayvon Martin's birthday. That will be the only
fact today.
6'th February, 2015
08:28 Avocado is currently involved in 23 legal battles to
keep public officials' documents secret, mostly in
wraps and salads and unwillingly.
February 2015 / 177
08:52 @lifewinning Ingrid should avocado comfort the
afflicted or afflict the Blankfein
11:54 now Official Savory Fruit of INFRASTRUCTURE RT
@lifewinning: fwiw if you like
http://t.co/9v2FtWk2Jl you might like
http://t.co/YmBAynRuPB
11:58 @danribaudo @lifewinning dan want to be very clear
that ingrid and avocado have never met; she's just
great/a person. Avocado is a fruit.
12:21 @lnvisibleInk well done ☕️
18:08 “I died as mineral and rose as a plant, I died as plant
and was born an animal; when did I ever lose by
dying?” —Rūmī? avocado? magnesium?
7'th February, 2015
09:30 me irl http://t.co/8t1afOahWb
09:45 what if an avocado twitter account were Enya's
endgame how could you keep from singing
14:33 more could be happening on #travelcado because there
are thousands of you around the world is all avocado is
saying
14:57 @SaraJBenincasa like just for example Sara
https://t.co/xZMSnlI7X8
February 2015 / 178
15:31 RT @nervous_jessica Word of the day: Plastochron - a
unit of time measuring the interval between the
emergence of successive leaves
http://t.co/gD8V5fkmK8
17:10 "I tell you ladies, you don't know how good it feels…to
smash, smash, smash!" —Carrie Nation, maybe about
avocados, except really not
21:19 Why are you being so mean to Jack, paper RT
@washingtonpost: The guacamole recipe Jack White
doesn’t want you to see http://t.co/m3sT8IJG98
21:25 @xor Parker did you just splain to a fruit
21:26 @xor Parker it's ok just you summoned the PR bots
23:37 Fav if you think your avi is going to make avocado
happier than this one Get away from that button
you're wrong http://t.co/1l8LWZhrrp
23:40 @cupcait you did the right thing caitlin
8'th February, 2015
10:02 c y b e r f r u i t is avocado's first album you may
have heard some of the Grammy buzz or that could be
bees
10:21 Offensively rich humans fall for tricks an avocado
never would. http://t.co/wHBZ9ZAoob
February 2015 / 179
10:25 There are only two or three of the promised five stars
in each condo, and those are just avocados with LEDs on
12:15 Avocado is mean to rich people but they must be
pretty smart to invest in 2215's waterfront property
today.
22:36 has anyone said or sung anything to make avocado's
presence relevant no ok good night thank goodness
9'th February, 2015
10:11 RT @robynkanner Super happy for gay people in
Alabama!!!! http://t.co/anQbZLaDMR
10:12 Avocados are never satisfied.
20:01 the quantum avocado is effectively distributed over a
multitude of universes
20:47 @EFF Parker
20:49 @outwardfacing decavocadoherence
22:57 Avocado but different
22:59 no yeah exactly that but avocado
22:59 sort of but instead what if avocado
23:01 @hrwgc @vruba define does / if you need it to
February 2015 / 180
23:02 on the right track but it needs avocado
23:07 make it pop make it cool make it fresh make it edgy
make it mean make it make us matter make this
avocado
23:07 @outwardfacing
23:10 we think we're moving in another avocado
23:11 @vruba hi @lindsey good work
23:11 this is avocado but we're looking for something more
avocado
23:16 thank you so much for your avocado
23:16 please let us know if your avocados change
23:23 @zearl we've made avocado as clear as we possibly could
23:30 @zearl are you already in touch with avocado oh you
are well good
23:51 twitter break
13'th February, 2015
16:43 @zearl quick ping just need to change significant
portions of this avocado you thought were finished
thanks disappearing again now
February 2015 / 181
21:26 oh but meanwhile why not http://t.co/SOL6U9gCEa
14'th February, 2015
11:04 Avocados occur in a range of color from light yellow
through greens and purples into black and love is all
that matters before we die.
18:10 still easy https://t.co/QYfjbLW2oG
18:20 @lifewinning ilu Ingrid and @beep
15'th February, 2015
00:16 RT @roomfulofteeth ❤️
00:29 ok who's ready for a product endorsement? avocados
15:12 Avocado is a conventional desire.
20:53 Things to remember this week: • it won't hurt forever
• a drizzle of olive oil is all it takes • punch up; reach
down • potassium helps some
20:56 That third one is how plants work.
20:59 @thricedotted thrice get well soon
21:02 @antiihongos ur wrds r so shrt
21:19 @yayitsrob it was good the first way rob
February 2015 / 182
16'th February, 2015
00:24 Would someone place a plant directly below Vivek
please and thank you.
10:20 Good morning from an avocado
https://t.co/158CyXHgVO
14:36 This is good, @sulagnamisra but you knew that already
https://t.co/hOjvOWSPL3 http://t.co/8E8VN2Kjyp
14:38 @pantalonesfuego @sulagnamisra well avocado cites its
sources pants it's just basic courtesy for any fruit
14:46 Avocado is a fat-laden, modular platform for exploring
cross-species network effects without all the overhead
of living wages or healthcare.
14:50 avocados are so like whatever for real though
15:44 Avoconfessionado: still haven't signed back in to ello
still no idea what is a kinja still in capitalism
17:57 I nominate @ProBirdRights for a Shorty Award in
#nonhuman because birds are pollinators and avocados
lose with grace. http://t.co/LXtxxxRSN6
18:38 not ruling out the possibility that the NSA is in fruit
too now tbh so don't say anything near an avocado that
you wouldn't say to congress?
February 2015 / 183
18:56 RT @SublimeSeitan .@RealAvocadoFact *whispers into
my avocado* "the keystone pipeline isn't a long term
solution for sustainable job growth"
19:00 millions of citizens found whispering in produce aisles
worldwide/ quiet variations of "defund the NSA" now a
practice called "avocadoing"
19:03 @jalvani the less money for all the letters, Jehan, the
more money for all the people
19:47 RT @burritojustice oh man the avocado seed weevil
sounds horrible. but here is everything you wanted to
know about it & avocados & NAFTA
http://t.co/35kEFhmxgK
17'th February, 2015
00:17 Think of a river, frozen, arcing forth and back in
infinite patience. It has nothing to do with avocados
but you can think about it.
09:41 have you tried turning the avocado completely off and
then restarting it
09:55 @SushGirl ok http://t.co/felXKmgZbq
10:50 Maybe we should pay @darth for @darth's labor, just
another weird idea from an avocado.
February 2015 / 184
12:27 ok please don't use your avocado for a minute while we
run some remote diagnostics
12:29 do you know what version of the avocado you're using
no don't worry about it just trying to gather as much
info as possible
12:31 @benelsen please return that to wherever you
purchased it. that is not an avocado
12:32 has anyone else been using this avocado not accusing
you of anything just trying to help
12:35 well you may need to buy another avocado that might
not be what you want to hear but that's where we are
thank you for choosing avocado
13:37 Someone nearby has a pain you can't fix. Let them.
This is oleic acid. It accounts for 67% of an avocado's
fat. http://t.co/f4fghzAMgk
14:02 RT @voraciousbrain oh my goodness, @lil_mermaid is a
beautiful and dope mister rogers
http://t.co/wcLTtqRUG7
14:22 Avocado is a perfect random number generator if you
need one of tho–sorry, we are hearing now it is a
fruit; avocado is a fruit.
15:51 PSA: every time you say "meritocracy" a perfectly ripe
avocado explodes and is gone from the world forever
February 2015 / 185
16:06 why is no one questioning avocado's global surveillance
apparatus oh because it is a fruit making things up not
a government coalition
16:10 avocado is probably the only fruit doing hegemony and
infrastructure tweets right now no disrespect to other
fruits
16:15 @NickySilv people keep saying this like twitter is
something that generates money somehow Nick but
thank you
16:26 @narrrwhal u are kind
16:43 RT @lifewinning things that solve most problems: using a shruggie - ramen - being emotionally honest avocado
20:20 The avocado is also called the 'tree pancake' by people
who aren't good at cooking or describing things.
20:23 @triperazzo already taken in a similar way
20:32 @kev_mccabe new favourite Kevin
20:52 @skilldrick Nick it's fine and welcome
18'th February, 2015
06:00 No. @gerwitz
February 2015 / 186
06:09 Avocados can't sleep.
13:47 @CaseyG @irl slice the peel longitudinally with a
sanitized zipper; twist open; remove pit; cover your
head with your purse while you devour
14:51 Like a lettuce with substance and less despondency Like
a smooshed tomato full of stone Describe avocado to
someone you'll never see again
15:43 Tanner you already looked it up and avocados were
there for it. @sypole_tanner
15:50 @realsmacko @Plunderstand a lot of avocado's content is
about labor & exploitation, but thanks for chiming in
ronnie, have a good internet
17:37 RT @hxrrorgrrrl please create a avocado emoji it's 2015
already damn.
17:39 @tokyosivan why does anyone favorite anything fe
18:08 suddenly 5 point 6 *thousand* of you are following an
avocado– now is maybe a time to look at our lives, look
at our choices, RT our favs
18:37 Every avocado is pregnant with its opposite, the
not-yet-avocado. Diavocadolectic.
20:03 @tmjacobsin hello taylor https://t.co/HT7kx3qlCO
February 2015 / 187
20:33 pretty amazing that it happened again already but
https://t.co/TBMpTcMoh2
21:41 did @ftrain already have an Official Savory Fruit
because he sure does now
19'th February, 2015
08:27 @o_rlyeh_ @shutupmikeginn no it's a common
complaint and avocados can only apologize for what was
obviously a bad design decision
08:40 Everybody getting excited for SXSW?
https://t.co/tqNyleyiGX jkjk avocado's never
mentioning that brand again but yes they're still doing
it
08:55 @runsammrun hi sam you did? what was it?
09:04 RT @runsammrun “the chaos is real avocado is divine a
stormy night snack“ @RealAvocadoFact
09:04 @runsammrun thank you sam
09:17 @anildash hi good morning Anil it just felt like the
right time fyi and we agree on its being nice to be
nice http://t.co/JSxAhsFlsi
09:18 please do not @ the lovely strangers avocado retweets
with Unicode jokes please not naming any names Hans
@gerwitz
February 2015 / 188
09:22 Hans this is an impromptu lesson in boundaries which
avocado has @gerwitz & please read Lily everybody if
you haven't http://t.co/iWTHs07P5j
09:22 @gerwitz Agreed, and believe you avocado, emails have
been written
09:23 @gerwitz HANS
09:24 @thinkupinsights not anymore, insights, since avocado
established some boundaries
11:34 The avocado is the Official Savory Fruit of
@ProPublica, but they will immediately counter this
claim with damning evidence to the contrary.
11:48 @fritzbogott @lifewinning sorry/you're welcome, as
needed
11:57 @lifewinning right but Ingrid now it's an incredibly
flattered fruit but yes absolutely a fruit
12:02 oh hi @ProPublica followers so avocado is mostly a
nonprofit independent newsfruit in the public interest
but sometimes it lies ¯\_(.)_/¯
12:03 @fascinated @lifewinning not a fact
12:05 @fascinated @lifewinning how about a game of chess
February 2015 / 189
12:16 see you too, @twitter followers, but you're freaking
avocado out a little what is your GAME besides not
tackling abusers to the ground
18:45 a year old but still fresh, not bad for an avocado
https://t.co/H7NiaGb8Z1
18:55 @lifewinning @fascinated Ingrid avocado updated its bio
to reduce confusion have a good night which will be
different from avocado's night
19:02 @lifewinning @fascinated Ingrid thank you but also
there are probably a bunch of people who think that's
what's happening right now so maybe
19:09 @zearl @lifewinning @fascinated there's plenty of time
left in this great gag Zak
19:12 @kissane @lifewinning Avocados large avocados on the
shorter longer yellow grass / Alas not Ingrids on the
grass
19:12 @thricedotted @lifewinning @fascinated there is only
so much room in a bio for disclaimers friends
19:17 @kissane @lifewinning Might it be mountains if it
were not avocado and/or Ingrid
19:21 @CaseyG no don't do that Casey that would be terrible
February 2015 / 190
19:34 @kissane @lifewinning It is every once in a while very
much what they pleased. (Twitter)
20:12 @fascinated @marginalutility this game is going very
poorly for you but GREAT for avocado
22:29 Avocado asked GCHQ if they illegally spied on it. You
can find out too. Join @privacyint's case:
https://t.co/ZDwVg3lym6 #DidGCHQSpyOnYou
23:30 Would anyone like to represent avocado in emoji please
23:35 @xor oh neat that's actually pretty close to being ok
then Parker
23:36 @awelfle it is a melon and a cousin Andy so let's not
because DRAMA
23:37 @xor see how that's two emoji that aren't avocados
though Parker it feels like you're not grasping the gist
of the request but ok
23:51 you realize the first human nerd to produce a working
avocado emoji is going to be hailed as the Good Shingy
right
20'th February, 2015
06:18 what if everyone were a creative inventor of ideas for
the future, influenced by the now is it cold in the
shade cast by avocado, a tree
February 2015 / 191
06:34 Olá, Brasil
07:06 @BadgerFactory problems of scale neowulf just imagine
mailing this many alligators
but they're so easy to
tweet
07:28 who is avocado not going to be today? maybe Chelsea
Manning maybe any other prisoner who needs to fight
to be considered human maybe you
07:34 the set of people you won't be today is a fact brought
to your mind by avocado, not a fact about avocado, but
still qualifies as r.a.f.
08:22 @rey_z @j_zimms @rey___z avocado: nature's
honeypot™
08:56 superfruit, not superfish
10:00 https://t.co/z14eUP0CGZ
12:27 @ethanchiel omg tyvm Ethan
12:27 @tldr omg tyvm TLDR
12:31 @porn_horse @samfbiddle unlikely, dada sandwich
artist, twice
12:59 RT @tldr Someone make the Avocado emoji from this
usable, if only for @RealAvocadoFact's sake.
http://t.co/93KnewtP6h
February 2015 / 192
16:19 t̶a̶x̶ eat the rich, e̶a̶t̶ tax the avocados
21:45 This tweet has over a hundred favs because a YouTube
guy's followers fav it to be like him so welcome to this
future https://t.co/JKG5AzdRQE
21:51 RT @alolita Its official! @twitter joins @unicode Looking
forward to lots of participation and contribution!
@bigloser @golshani http://t.co/yBcJMI3uY5
21:53 OH HI new @twitter followers, now it makes sense. just
the tiniest favor to ask of you: make avocado's dreams
come true please and thanks
22:40 avocado has been drinking and you can't find your
waitress with a Geiger counter and she hates you and
your friends
23:08 Maybe have some wine & maybe fill out this form
http://t.co/ado43jT8Xg and choose Feedback on an
Encoding Proposal (#UTR51) & maybe
emoji
23:09 @lnvisibleInk the bar stools are on fire
23:10 @eliweidman their loss Eli and cheers
23:16 @lnvisibleInk an avocado deserves to know, ink
23:19 RT @shhrugg Aristotle is actually pronounced like
Chipotle
February 2015 / 193
21'st February, 2015
01:01 We're sorry. We messed up. We're owning it. And we're
making sure it never happens again. Fully uninstall
everything. Plant seeds and wait.
01:02 @meat meat
01:18 what idiot called it avocado instead of listening closer
to the names people already had for it
01:24 too on the nose avocado make colonialism cuter or
you'll lose them fruit doesn't care good point thank
you see you at the dreaming tree
01:27 @MsShade thank you for your diligence Colette it's
very nice
11:59 https://t.co/Ku9yGkg8mH
12:05 5⃣6⃣7⃣8⃣
http://t.co/uOIzeLZOCX
12:29 @jarfrankel thanks friend!
12:53 @lifewinning Ingrid avocado just got back from the
future & your talk is going to have gone super well
today/then & already did; you're free
13:16 @fascinated avocado has no comment as it is a plant
15:02 авокадо свидания давай, покавокадо
February 2015 / 194
15:36 what if the NFL shut down until domestic violence and
head injuries stopped good for them right and you can
still enjoy guacamole too
15:38 oh but then there might be more time to wonder
about the blood avocado cartels and trade agreements
and stuff this plan could get messy
15:49 @kara_woo ладнавокадо, Кара
15:51 пожалуйставокадо
15:55 does anyone here on twitter have opinions
https://t.co/JvBNlroGPJ
15:55 @DanBratt99 нет
15:59 @kara_woo и авокадо тебявокадо, Кара
16:00 @thricedotted никогдавокадонкус
16:10 @outwardfacing uh oh you just won maybe
16:18 @outwardfacing Jessica it was sent to you at birth so
it contains us all now but also it's in the mail, which it
both invented and contains
16:39 Avocado doesn't need a follower so badly that it's going
to sit here silently while you posit a geocentric
cosmology. http://t.co/FbfkeQZhKu
February 2015 / 195
16:52 stay warm ok bye for a while
https://t.co/26qzBHL0M2
22'nd February, 2015
01:11 You're whole
star
And you're shining like the brightest
Avocado on the midnight radio
11:28 RT @broderick We must bulldoze what’s left of the
nerdy white men’s Internet http://t.co/yxIhM61DH3
my guest piece for @dailydot! http://t.co/Rnv8n0OF29
11:29 Avocado should make it explicit that it's not an
attempt to misdirect and embarrass the online social
justice community. It is a fruit.
11:33 bulldoze the white crybaby internet allow avocado
roots to crush its remains into macronutrients sit in
the shade of fruit trees smiling
11:35 ok so avocado is a fruit and a civic planner but that's IT
oh and it likes to sing too
11:38 @MikeTheRhino @anamariecox who?
11:44 @entreparis_lndn
11:52 and full of rest and nourishment, bulldoze more things
avocado: Official Savory Fruit of bulldozing awful
things solar bulldozers though
February 2015 / 196
12:21 @amanicdroid https://t.co/vRsTydvaYj
12:31 Now avocado was going to say something ameliorative
and gradualist.
12:53 @MollieGlobalinc Your bio says you do the opposite of
what you just did, Mollie.
13:00 @MollieGlobalinc Your quote is not a quote. It's not even
intelligible. The online social justice community has a
friend in avocado, a fruit
13:07 Today isn't the first time a PR person carelessly
misrepresented an avocado on Twitter; welcome to our
internet in 2015.
13:09 Avocados aren't known for having a thick skin, but
for wanting to replace capitalism and its attendant
evils with something better.
13:12 @debcha wait Deb you follow avocado this is the best
day now welcome welcome!
13:14 @RealAvocadoFact might have to pin this one dang
13:18 @FreiheitExpert impossible, bot. death is certain.
13:26 Avocado is a fruit. Here are its pinned tweets: 1)
https://t.co/qdrckzayDS 2) https://t.co/rdkJg83z1G
Avocado is a hacker too look at that
13:32 @lifewinning Pevear & Volokhonsky Ingrid no contest
February 2015 / 197
13:42 @lifewinning Ingrid I think we really threw them
with that translation gambit ooh have you read The
Gambler it's also a neat little opera
13:53 @luckysemmes04
14:07 @RealAvocadoFact oh no maybe this one needs to be
pinned too though maybe later and also it's a little
mean but "prophet," really guy
14:34 @outwardfacing fuck no
14:58 RT @yjoyding @RealAvocadoFact then I got bored and
kept going :x http://t.co/yHRbpeYXyL
15:29 мавокадолодец–выражение авокадодобрения
15:59 the avocadoscars there it's done are you happy good it's
good to be happy / maybe another tweet will work
better for you don't despair
16:08 what unexpected jiggly perfect ripening quanta of life
we are
16:44 @symptomatic already feeling bad about this but
probably not as bad as whoever could've but failed to
nominate more PoC for awards RUDE
17:07 @parkan @fascinated ирониявокадо судъбы
17:17 in a car in a car in a small car avocado in a car in a
small car in a small car driving
February 2015 / 198
17:48 hey remember that time @vruba made an avocado cry
also grateful http://t.co/NidpLvH6aI
18:11 @vruba
️
18:33 ooh wait one more #Oscars tweet: What if way fewer
white people were nominated BUT! the suggestion came
from an avocado OK ur turn Academy
19:37 @lilliealbert Lillie that is very kind!
19:50 @fascinated @cheeseplus https://t.co/Vaxx2cXIJL
20:10 is Laura Poitras president yet or is that later in the
evening
20:23 sometimes avocado is finding facts not spreading real
fact is a two-way street it's under 24-hour surveillance
but no one knows by whom
22:39 MT @anildash: You can find data on the wage gap in
your industry at http://t.co/U5rEv2MhrL (thanks to
@ginatrapani) http://t.co/I8XASqy8LH
22:58 hi @benwizner have fun tonight and tell Edward the
avocado is out of the fridge repeat the avocado is out
of the fridge
23:14 @danribaudo probably not dan but the only one who
will agree it is horrifying and has to go
February 2015 / 199
23:19 ok look just put avocados in a movie this year & next
winter you get a speech about universal basic incomes
and defunding the military. easy
23'rd February, 2015
00:20 well ok time to do a week again
https://t.co/158CyXHgVO
00:44 @SaraJBenincasa enjoy a delicious snack instead maybe
Sara
10:19 account for multiple grounds of identity when
considering how the social world is constructed says
this avocado and intersectional feminism
10:40 something something avocado #StudentDebtStrike
10:45 @RealAloeFact are you a good plant or a bad plant
11:34 Avocado.S03E10.720p.HDTV.x264-SUFFICE.mkv no audio?
perfect copy thanks sound sucks 0/10 I am
transformed. it's just an avocado for 5 hours
12:27 @fascinated @nicolehe Avocado confirms both as real
facts.
12:32 @kthread @fascinated Avocado feels avocado has been
very clear about that.
12:33 RT @fascinated @realavocadofact @kthread avocado feels
February 2015 / 200
12:35 what if avocado self-doxxed about two years ago and it
was boring and this is more fun so let's not care
wheeee
13:23 Terry Gilliam's Lunchables sounds like a dream gig tbh
http://t.co/KN30lDrDXG
14:58 it is unfort for avocado but very good for humans
@fascinated @YahooTech
15:37 @fascinated your handle is apt
15:39 @fascinated OR ARE THEY
16:13 @fascinated relevant to your interests
https://t.co/nPAxwEqY6P
16:55 Avocados are often born from acts of unrepentant
criminality.
18:16 RT @irl hahahaha @hopesandfearshq gave a glowing
review of the plugin i made. http://t.co/923T4BQ0OY
http://t.co/OUhm6lfazJ
18:20 Allison @irl it's good and it uses the @twittlesis API
which avocado is the Official Savory Fruit of that
18:22 @irl @twittlesis It's a very exclusive honor that's only
shared by @adainitiative, @SPARKsummit, recording
the police, false dichotomy, etc.
February 2015 / 201
18:24 @irl no Allison avocado is a fruit while Ingrid is a
human
18:28 Avocado lost track of all the things it's the Official
Savory Fruit of, so: https://t.co/k6vqWmVSJr
19:02 some lists humans have put Avocado on: Bots svensk
politik, samhälle almost-people context collapse
humorless-grumps Flugscheiben und HAARP
19:05 should probably seize this opportunity to become
Official Savory Fruit of flying saucers and HAARP
right
19:07 @jordibeard jordi no http://t.co/LywaI1dFpM
19:13 @jordibeard jordi if you can you need to shop at a
different place if they are de-fortuning the avocados,
shameful
22:50 RT @adainitiative Are you a woman willing to be
interviewed by the press about women in tech? Add
yourself here: http://t.co/X4VcJk5pA3
23:03 Thank you @yayitsrob again for making important
points much appreciated: http://t.co/io48Dfcsyj
23:11 People unfollowing like "sure, the first two words in
its bio are 'avocado emoji' but we were lead to believe
that real facts would surface"
February 2015 / 202
23:17 Avocado understands your confusion, respects your
need for distance, and wishes you well on your journey
through the webispheres.
23:21 Just remember to free Chelsea Manning, Palestine, and
yourselves (from late capitalism) on the way out;
thanks, hons.
23:23 among avocadothers
23:33 @lousycanuck @darth is very busy it's ok Jason we'll
get it
23:36 Avocado is of course a powerful psychoactive drug but
this is the purest high available online:
http://t.co/gz7pS4vU1O
24'th February, 2015
07:12 Have a good @FuturEverything avocado is going to be a
fruit a commodity and an astronaut.
10:19 Before telling another human their sexuality or gender
expression is weird, a little story about how avocados
happen. This is all real fact:
10:19 A lump becomes a tree which grows flowers which
attract a different SPECIES which bumps into the
flower twice when it's two different sexes.
February 2015 / 203
10:21 So maybe no one is as weird as nature is and whoever
you are is right?
, avocado
10:34 pollination, nature's retweet jk you wish, brand
platform. get cats tweeting their own gifs and
profiting from it and you'll be closer
10:35 @thespacebase @buttermilk1
10:38 @webmeadow thank you and but also we urgently do of
course Eileen
10:54 of course sexuality, gender expression, and
reproduction are distinct and overlapping things
avocado can only speak from its own experience
12:54 If you want to bump this one over 16,000 today that's
cool nbd whatever just an avocado outdoing that cookie
tweet https://t.co/dwYDVGD71L
13:18 That preachy dove is not even a bird it is a kind of
soap. Avocado is a fruit. Say whatever you want to an
avocado.
13:20 @ECthetwit
13:30 AND Superfish is not a fish that has powers but a
blatant invasion of your privacy that undermines a
secure internet? Avocado can't even
February 2015 / 204
13:32 hahaha "secure internet" avocado cracks itself up
sometimes friends good luck out there
13:38 @symptomatic that dove is putting up with a total of
zero nonsense
14:06 @cannolibar
Lost Fox
14:49 Good afternoon or the time it is for you and here's a
story from this morning: https://t.co/IQXF2uFM4i
16:00 @jilliancyork @farbodkf cc: @fascinated because there's
probably a spreadsheet that needs updating now
16:11 @farbodkf @fascinated @jilliancyork Farbod just spoke
the realest avocado fact, the beauty is in Farbod
16:14 more like Keystone sorry we don't have it in that size
but you can try ordering it from another Congress
good one avocado thank you
16:24 "be the favs you want to see on your tweets"–an
avocado a global communications network, wow hey did
you hear about http://t.co/fM3VJHlfEZ
16:29 @fascinated diving DEEP have fun!
16:33 avocadopsec
16:36 @zearl definitely not real gandhi Zak that's for sure
http://t.co/H3mV6L64yZ
February 2015 / 205
16:47 Avocado is the Official Savory Fruit of going to this
meeting & being kind if you're near Seattle Thursday
5:30 pm http://t.co/dc4CXxfyS7
17:34 @emckean oooh thank you for the new wallpaper Erin
http://t.co/0QqSUcUQzt
17:35 #sext http://t.co/znQyeCHOJg
17:46 @fascinated it isn't Sarah either and please don't bother
her in the name of avocado she is busy
19:33 RT @BagelofDeath Living the dream and putting an
entire avocado into this one wrap.
21:35 eat avocados alive
21:39 Hi @GeekyCon do you already have an Official Savory
Fruit lined up or
22:55 apropavocados of nothing
23:37 http://t.co/dijnZnI81m do it/you're welcome
23:45 @RealAvocadoFact is not @flaneur in fact we have never
met Pome is just great.
25'th February, 2015
February 2015 / 206
09:05 RT @MorganWoroner Today is National Adjunct
Walkout Day, because sometimes you’d like a living
wage https://t.co/pscZxsxeee #NAWD
09:06 @FreiheitExpert
10:36 Avocado would be happy to be the Official Savory
Fruit of a back button in the iOS @twitter webview
*tilts meaningfully but can't side-eye*
10:39 some facts about avocados are going to help humanity a
little maybe and some are going to be feature requests
¯\_(.)_/¯
10:52 Avocado is in the world but/and of the world if you
know what it's saying. Avocado is a fruit.
10:54 RT @maggietranquila @RealAvocadoFact Your
#GiftOfTheDay Grown #CasaTranquila
http://t.co/nygqHxoO1o
12:34 this is still a good tweet avocado and you are looking
cute today oh thank you
12:42 Fixed it. MT @molleindustria: If Social Networks Were
People, This Is What They Would Look Like
http://t.co/eeZr6aF2LG
12:44 @FreiheitExpert you are wrong but we can still be
friends
February 2015 / 207
12:50 A @twitter engineer faved this within minutes if you
are curious whether avocado is a thinkfluencer yet. It
is that, and a fruit.
13:01 It is 100% incomprehensible to some that avocado
might not be an ad, but a fruit. And yet.
13:17 @vruba avocado is expanding into soundfluencing and
dofluencing but right now those projects are under
wraps Charlie so....maybe
13:26 @vruba did you notice vibration or a low sustained wail
from the avocado when it was brought in close contact
with that many tweets though
13:38 @vruba was it harder to breathe there
13:39 @vruba ew gross and maybe see a neurologist Charlie
but thank you for sharing
13:40 who likes taking quizzes on the net
https://t.co/SDgSPZleh2
14:47 RT @wikisext sext: you cut your avocado in half...i
prepare my ingredients
14:48 @fascinated oh a lot of people saw that but who's
counting tbh http://t.co/B8n6XPEOjY
14:53 RT @wikisext sext: you place my unripe avocado into
my brown paper bag
February 2015 / 208
15:16 @vruba Charlie now a holy cats update from
@michael_deforge http://t.co/UTb8sDLBcs this will be
fun for historians http://t.co/d1oQSEkxsT
15:30 hypavocadothetical https://t.co/IdQOkOnfUQ
16:05 hot: avocado not: hot avocado except: some people like
it
16:06 @pantalonesfuego cc: @AlJavieera
16:40 RT @ckunzelman Show me the excellent original art
that you produce. Please retweet this so more people
will show me their art.
17:03 Avocado is a real Turducken of irony. A Matryoshka
doll of absurdity. It is a hot mess.
http://t.co/WxuDx3tqFG
18:08 if any of avocado's tweets have appeared on tv please
send screenshots tyvm + you can make up the
screenshots that's how the tweets happen
18:17 @ReneeRaeRae feel free Renee
18:23 @ReneeRaeRae you can send real screenshots or you can
invent fake screenshots. sorry for the confusion. we
can skip this tweet if you want.
February 2015 / 209
26'th February, 2015
00:34 You are a creative and inquisitive person. Avocado is a
fruit.
09:55 The weekend and death are almost here!
09:56 too real avocado too fact tone it down the weekend and
death aren't here yet enjoy your Thursday avocado
Have a nice day please everyone.
10:15 @AngelaCPMills avocado is an odd ball if you think
about it Angela
10:20 avocadoddball
10:34 Avocado is a sommelier too if we just let words mean
anything oh wait that's how language works Avocado is
a descriptivist sommelier!
11:11 @astralhaze25 @cinnamaldehyde
11:14 @craftgasm @elonjames Avocado did some research and
agrees. A critique is not an avocado.
11:19 Most software is ugly and hard to use and avocado is
the opposite. Use avocado to make all your games and
things 2015 #UAtMAYGaT2015
12:00 @biancarzE
12:03 still true https://t.co/KyYFC24McC
February 2015 / 210
12:10 @eldang @nein09 Nagel first used avocados but there
was too much giggling.
12:25 @elle_emjae who's to say though zoot
16:36 RT @Leliafrz My avocado tree. In 7 to 12 years I'm
going to have a big guacamole party. You're all invited!
http://t.co/W2fmv1qJPy
17:07 @fascinated @brittanystoroz citation needed
17:11 Guess what's even closer now! MONDAY avocado just
stop it just please stop ok and the weekend too thank
you also death
17:12 @skilldrick some, mostly from above
17:14 @erikhinton @fascinated @brittanystoroz close enough
Erik, they're mostly for ornament and frustration
17:18 @brittanystoroz @erikhinton @fascinated avocados have
no king
17:22 @erikhinton @brittanystoroz @fascinated and Erik
avocado rejects the claim that a world with avocado in
it is ruined
18:08 Point anyone who's having trouble with the idea that
sex workers are workers & sex work is work at this
avocado. A fruit thinks it's clear.
18:11 when you're done with the llamas avocado will be here
February 2015 / 211
18:41 Yes, avocado is the Official Savory Fruit of expanding
access to high-quality palliative care and thank you for
asking, @skipbidder #hpm15
20:03 Nothing ever repeats. Each breath is a gasp for life. A
hope for experience. Feel that and go on. —Kim Stanley
Ravocadobinson
21:02 what color aren't avocados tbh
27'th February, 2015
00:14 and the dress please come back from the dress and
think about death with avocado wasn't that fun before
the dress
00:38 golden hairy naked accomplishment-bodies growing
into mad black formal sunflowers in the sunset
(Ginsberg saw both)
00:52 @Rachelswhimsy no they're doing both Rachel it's ok
but thank you
07:24 Avocado is a haunted machine.
07:26 But what machine isn't. Speaking of that,
https://t.co/gpb00hSqJG
12:07 Today peaked early. New followers should be advised
that avocado is a fruit. Further expectations are
unwarranted. http://t.co/d7tqpSh3lm
February 2015 / 212
12:28 Avocados as fetish? Why not. People, though? No,
thanks. (Avocado is still glad to have appeared on
@broadcity.) https://t.co/G6tLU421sU
12:43 RT @TheRealNimoy A life is like a garden. Perfect
moments can be had, but not preserved, except in
memory. LLAP
15:10 it's more properly Avocado's Monster but
15:25 no mimeograph is a *brand* you mean to say you
Konica-Minolta'd the avocado and that's why it's faded
15:58 wait did avocado have a uniquely hot take on the dress
due to its love of poetry? https://t.co/UYEIrSCbAN
18:04 connection is available
28'th February, 2015
10:28 algorithms and accountability and well you know what
comes next
11:46 RT @AstroTerry http://t.co/ErjTLgCIrL
12:52 Avocado hasn't assassinated any political rivals today,
yay for avocado
12:54 @grahamsleight avocados can't talk Graham
12:55 @danribaudo nothing into the avocado skin dan
February 2015 / 213
13:14 @tealtan don't poop the party Allen yayyyy
13:18 @gdelenes it's not clear that you totally understand
how avocados work, Guillermo
13:46 sometimes people ask a Twitter avocado serious
questions about Mexican politics when avocado is trying
to subtweet Russian politics how r u
13:54 ftr though no this is not a real avocado
13:55 @elle_emjae jk jk zoot
13:58 it is THE real avocado fact
15:13 smh at people buying avocados instead of seizing the
means of production and enjoying them by right jk
fruits don't have a head
15:26 if you want more followers avocado has to advise lying
about savory fruit and not telling people to
redistribute wealth to eliminate poverty
15:42 I have collapsed the contexts that were in the
spacetime and which you were probably saving for
context Forgive me
16:33 @scroeser @hypatiadotca you are nice thank you
16:56 @hopefulcyborg
February 2015 / 214
17:21 #healthgoth [#attributiongoth:
http://t.co/ttNXTZz7Q2] http://t.co/PAPDVkNqbk
17:23 Avocado just invented #attributiongoth you're
welcome
21:49 just a little scared sprouting tufts of hair Avocado
Beast
21:50 more appeal than chives claws as sharp as knives
Avocado Beast
23:09 Avocados didn't arrest or kill anyone today for
non-violent offenses, pretty cool of avocados huh
23:38 That'll do. RT @libraryofemoji: SOUTHWEST-POINTING
CONQUEST ANTICIPANT
23:48 You are entitled to nothing less than free healthcare,
education, a universal basic income, a job guarantee,
and avocado sometimes.
23:51 @MsShade you might think so, but avocado couldn't
possibly comment
February 2015 / 215
March
1'st March, 2015
00:13 If avocado's going to pay millionaires to watch
neoliberal claptrap then avocado is going to sass a little
claptrap. Look out, system.
00:48 @sarawhat Sara what is avocado always telling you
about mortality it is for real
00:51 HAPPY BDAY @jennschiffer
00:53 @thevampsquan hi Brenna
01:01 relevant and timeless https://t.co/mBgmJ8PXFX
01:03 @skilldrick noted Nick
01:15 @hopefulcyborg HAPPY BIRTHDAY
01:19 @makenai Paweł it was so happy!
08:09 #tfw you give Twitter a worldwide royalty-free
license to use, copy, process, adapt, modify, and
distribute your Content to an avocado
08:19 they were specific so sweet and so cold
March 2015 / 216
13:24 Avocado is like that part of the Brahms 4th that opens
itself to something mystical and sublime, but in a
fruit. https://t.co/WnQY1N43ws
13:30 @grahamsleight shhhh they're all doing magic Graham
http://t.co/zjiTHceiNR
13:35 @vruba @grahamsleight Charlie somebody tricked you
13:38 @vruba @grahamsleight Charlie
http://t.co/HLah8pTo5A
13:46 @vruba ok Charlie see you sur la rive en fleurs, riant
au matin
13:50 RT @katierosepipkin to press against the stem of a
plant http://t.co/erFaGFO8dm
13:59 @skipbidder @NP_ut_prosim @nprscottsimon SO fun,
SO fact
14:04 It's true: avocado didn't illegally spy on everyone with
a multi-billion dollar network of data centers, spies,
and bugs today. Whatta fruit
@RealAvocadoFact's tweetbook
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