From Aiden to Johnny
by
Chelsea Povis
5/28/2007
5/24/2007
Copyright © 2007 by Chelsea Povis
From Aiden to Johnny
Chelsea Povis
Charming. That’s what she called me. Oh, this charming man. What the hell
does that even mean? She’s only seen and heard the cubicle Aiden. But she’s never
been in the night side of Eden. It would hurt her too much.
I saw her again. Only this time, I didn’t turn back and go home. I crouched
behind a headstone and watched her. She was there for the better part of an hour,
glancing around as if she were waiting for someone - or something. She still had on her
work clothes - a baby blue sweater and black pants. She always looked good in that
sweater. She has it in red and green, too.
She was doing that nervous dance – constantly touching her hair while leaning
from foot to foot. She wasn’t scared – she was excited.
After she left, I walked over to where she had been standing. I could see her
footprints in the soft grass. The moon made the grass glow a shimmering green. I saw
the night’s tears lay upon the blades. I pulled my camera from my bag and began
photographing. It was beautiful. After my last picture, I held the camera right below my
chin and stared as the footprints dissipated. I thought of her future. I wiped tears away as
her footprints left for good, as she would soon.
“Why don’t we go out for drinks this weekend?” It was Wednesday. She smelled
like Daisies. She was wearing the red sweater with a black skirt and boots. She wrapped
her arms around my waist as I imagined those boots on my floor.
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.” I rubbed her arm as I looked around the
room at all the drones working furiously as the Queen Bee chattered away on her Blue
Tooth about board meetings and the like.
“What, are you some creepy serial killer?” On the tail end of this sentence, she
clawed at my stomach just like my cat does. I liked it better when she did it. I thought
for a second, then looked right into her eyes.
smiled.
“What if I am?” I whispered as a slight grin creeped its way across my face. She
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“I like creepy.” My grin quickly faded. I suddenly realized she wanted this. She
had no idea what it was, but she had to have it. My interest faded a bit after that. She
wasn’t supposed to like it; she wasn’t supposed to like me.
Look at that face. She’s got the face of an angel, this one. Long brown hair, that
she almost always wore in curls. Hazel eyes with specs of gold in them. And those full,
kiss-able, perfect lips. I kept getting the urge to check and make sure she didn’t have
wings. But it’s a bit hard to move someone when they’re unconscious and strapped to a
table.
Ooh. Cherry-red lipstick. That was such a killer. It took everything in me not to
throw her onto my desk, just like in the movies. But instead I turned and stared her down
as she slid her hand across the back of my neck and grazed my cheek.
“Morning, Janeane.” She didn’t turn back, but she waved gingerly as she headed
for the copy room. It was little black dress day. Damn. I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
I quickly typed something up and grabbed the tape next to my computer. Sign
and tape in hand, I practically ran to the copy room. I put the sign on the door, closed it
and turned off the lights.
“What are you doing?” she asked. Fuck, she smelled so good. I quickly
loosened my tie and my belt, as I looked her in the eye. This was her cue.
“You’re horrible,” she whispered with a slight grin.
The best fucks are the ones that take place in that copy room. There’s no rhyme
or reason to a damn thing you do, so anything’s fair game.
When I finally got back to my desk, the Queen Be was waiting. Looks like I’ll be
here late again.
“How many times do I have to tell you guys? Don’t fuck in the copy room! I
don’t want every god damn paper that comes out of here to have the fucking ‘fruit of
your loins’ all over it. You got that?” My ears lowered and my tail went between my
legs.
“Sorry. Lucy.” I could tell she was really upset – she didn’t even have her Blue
Tooth on anymore.
“Well, I guess there is a way you could make up for it.” Yep. All-nighter, it is.
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“Meet me in my office in five minutes.” Oh, no. I didn’t like where this was
going. The plus was that I wouldn’t be here all night. The downside was that it was time
for round two. This bitch didn’t care about being sloppy seconds.
Fucks in Lucy’s office are nowhere near as exciting as fucks in the copy room.
Unless, of course, you’re fucking someone other than Lucy in Lucy’s office.
Nine O’clock in the graveyard again. Lucky for the wonderful dead buried in this
fine establishment, I was able to come out here tonight. A very disturbing rendezvous
with Lucy made that possible.
Marsha Hildegaard was looking especially beautiful tonight. ‘Loving Mother’
was barely visible by the crescent moon. I held up my camera and was about to take a
picture when I heard footsteps. Before I could hide, I heard a voice from behind me.
“Fancy meeting you here.” You’ve got to be kidding me. That’s who she was
waiting for the other night. How did she know I came here? I just stood there in shock.
I didn’t know what to do.
at her.
“I’m talking to you.” I had nothing to do but face her. I turned around and stared
“Hi,” I muttered. I was speechless. I don’t know if it was because she came here
for me, or the fact that she had changed before she came here. She was wearing leather.
Goddamn, I love a girl in leather.
“Don’t look so happy to see me.” I was just standing there, staring at her. I felt
this cold rush come across my body. She was getting impatient.
“What’s wrong?” Think of something, quick.
“You look amazing.” I wish I wouldn’t have said that. She pushed me up against
Marsha’s headstone and kissed me. This left me defenseless and craving her, so I gave
in. But I knew what had to be done.
My jacket quickly made its way to the grass, as well as my camera. I suddenly
forgot it was new and expensive. She unzipped her jacket, revealing just a black bra
underneath. My hand slid its way across her stomach, just past the rose tattoo near her
belly button.
It took everything in me to hold myself together and remember what I had to do.
I pushed her away. Just as she began to give me a look of disappointment, I picked her
up, much like a groom carrying his bride over the threshold. I laid her down on the soft
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grass and I kissed her neck. This made her go wild, but I still kept cool. This was no
time to go losing it.
I carefully reached into my bag and pulled it out. She had no idea what was
actually going on. She looked right into my eyes. That made it harder. A tear fell from
my eye and landed on her lips. She licked her lips slowly.
“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” I shook my head and stared at her. I plunged
the sedative-filled syringe into her leg as I held her close.
“I love you,” I whispered as she panicked and began to fall unconscious. I have
to applaud myself for a job well done. I never faltered, always kept control of the
situation.
I kissed her ruby red lips as her body lay on the site of Marsha Hildegaard. I
gazed mournfully at her rose tattoo. I couldn’t help but to lean down and kiss her
stomach. I slowly dragged my hand from her neck, across her chest and rested it on her
hip. My tongue slid across her belly button and I bit down softly. I sat back on the
ground and looked at her. Goddamn, she was beautiful. But now it’s time to go to work.
Oddly enough, there was no one in sight when I drove up to my house. There is
always someone outside, not matter what time of day. I pulled into my garage and shut
the door. I carefully slid her body from the backseat. As I carried her down the steps to
my cellar, I talked to her.
“I hope you know I had to fuck Lucy to see you. I hope you like me as much as
you say you do, or this is going to be pretty painful. But love hurts.” I smiled as I
reached the last step and stared around the room.
Hanging from clotheslines was pictures of Janeane. Janeane walking her dog,
Janeane on her cell phone outside Starbucks. Everywhere, Janeane.
I made my way across the room and laid Janeane on a table. I buckled her down
– can’t have her running off, now. No, no. As I rummaged through my tools, I saw her
begin to stir. I walked up to the table just as her eyes opened.
“Morning, sunshine.” Her eyes squinted at me for a moment, and then a look of
horror came cross her face. I smiled.
“What’s going on? Where am I?” She tried to wiggle out of the chains, but they
were a bit stronger than she was; they were steel, after all. I rubbed my hand across my
five o’ clock shadow and watched her panic. It was beautiful. I tousled my hair a bit as I
put my hand on her arm. She jumped.
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“It’s no use, dear. This is steel. You won’t get out. Just let it be.” Tears ran
down her cheeks. I ran my finger across her chin, picking up a tear. I then held my
finger to my lips and tasted the salty wetness of Janeane’s fear.
mouth.
“Aiden, please let me go. Why are you doing this?” I put my hand over her
“Quiet, dear. The fun hasn’t even started yet.” Before putting her in the car, I
had removed Janeane’s skirt and jacket. As she lay on the table, she wore only a sheer
black bra, hot pink boy shorts and combat boots. She was a vision. I wish you could’ve
seen her.
“Oh my god,” she muttered as I picked up a large knife from the side table.
“No, no. That won’t help you here.” I slowly ran the blade across her thigh as I
made a long cut, though not very deep. She whimpered a bit, but didn’t squirm too
much. I leaned down and ran my hand from her calf up to her thigh, just a few inches
from the cut.
“What are you doing?” I turned my head and looked into her grief-stricken eyes.
My grin grew bigger as I leaned in closer to her thigh. I put my lips to the laceration and
licked up some of the blood.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she yelled. Tears were flowing freely now,
mascara streaming down her cheeks. I skimmed the cut on her leg with my finger and
put it in my mouth, all the while staring in her eyes, grinning. I was loving this.
“You fucking freak!” she screamed at me. I picked up the knife again and
slashed her stomach, just above the rose tattoo. I pointed the knife at her, inches away
from her face.
“Don’t you ever call me that! I’m not a freak. You don’t know love. In love,
you share everything. But I don’t want to share you with someone else. I’m sick and
tired of sharing! I deserve you. That’s why you’re here. Fate brought us together, and
I’m not gonna disappoint fate by letting you go now.”
sad.
She just lay there, crying and repeating “No, no. Please.” I looked at her, almost
“Well, now, don’t do that. It’s ok. You’re gonna be okay. You’re with me now.
Everything is just as it should be. Fate is working out perfectly, so you have nothing to
worry about. Don’t you love me?” She wouldn’t stop crying.
“Let me go. Please. I haven’t done anything wrong.”
I started crying. I put my head in my hands and sobbed “Wrong answer”.
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I walked over to her and stared into her bright blue eyes that were full of terror.
She was still crying and her pink shorts were becoming soaked with blood. I brushed her
hair from her face and rested my hand on her forehead.
“Why do you make me do this?” I asked as a tear rolled down my cheek. I
leaned down and kissed her lips once more. But wait, she kissed back. I didn’t know
how to respond at first, so I jumped back and stared at her. She still had tears in her
streaming down her face, only this time there was a look of rejection in her eyes. Did she
want this?
I walked back to the table and held her hand. She almost gave me a half-smile as
I bent down and licked some of the blood off her stomach. With crimson lips and blood
dripping from my chin, I smiled at her. As a drop of blood fell from my chin, my eyes
followed as it landed on her breast. I gazed mournfully for a moment, then slowly bent
over and retrieved this deadly tear. After doing so, I looked up at her, still hunched over.
Her eyes locked onto mine. Suddenly I got this feeling. I wanted her – in the worst way.
I kissed her again, and she kissed back. Now I was really getting confused. She
was in physical pain, and she showed it, but there was something else. She was enjoying
this.
Midnight in the graveyard. I was taking pictures of a gravesite. It was new.
There were fresh Daisies and Lilies on top of the dirt. I ran my fingers across the
indentations on the head stone. ‘Loving Daughter’. I bet she was. A salty tear fell from
my chin. I stood and stared at the grave once more before leaving. As much as it hurt, it
felt better.
“If that’s the worst you’ve got, try harder.” She slapped me again. I felt the sting
on my cheek and the feeling as it trickled down my spine, giving me goose bumps. As
tear filled my eyes, I smiled at her.
“Perfect,” I said as I rubbed the side of my face. I stepped up to her slowly and
picked up a razorblade from the table beside me. I kissed her as I lifted the blade and put
it to her breast. I looked into her eyes as I dragged the blade across her satin skin.
I cradled her body in my arms as I put my lips to the fresh wound. Her back
arched so far that I was bending over her. I stood up and lifted her with me. As blood
dripped off my chin and down my bare chest, I kissed her. She tasted so good. Even her
blood tastes good. As I pulled away, I looked into her eyes. There was still fear in them.
Her words and her body language said that she loved it, that she loved me. Her eyes told
a completely different story.
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“Go,” I said, turning away from her. She stared at me blankly.
“Are you fucking deaf? I said go! Why aren’t you walking?” My sadness
turned to rage. She began looking around the room slowly, as if she were some place
new. As she began to walk out the door, I grabbed a bottle of Valium, poured a few into
my hand, and downed them in a swig of Rum. A pirate’s life for me.
I sat on an old moth-eaten couch and began shaking. She didn’t want me, she
never wanted me. She just wanted a body; someone to be physically close with, no
strings attached. I was a fool to ever believe she wanted to be with me. I was just a fuck,
and I had to deal with that.
Alarms sounding heart pounding panic astounding. It’s 6:00 AM Monday
morning. Waking up is the hardest part. I literally fell out of bed and crawled to the
bathroom. I didn’t even stand up to pee. I got up on my knees and rested my forehead on
the tank.
Sweet relief.
I reached for the bottle of Concerta on my sink. The cabinet was too high; I
would have to stand up. I hastily opened the bottle and dry-swallowed three pills. Not
long now, and I’ll be out of my zombie-like state.
I sat on the bathroom floor and closed my eyes as the downers made enemies with
the uppers. My head was spinning out of control. After about an hour, I finally came
down off the ceiling. I psyched myself up to get off the cold tile.
I walked into my kitchen and grabbed a robe off the back of a dining room chair.
I slid it on as I made my way to the fridge. I opened the door and smiled as I looked at
the alcohol that filled my cold box. I grabbed a bottle of whiskey and slammed the door
shut.
I stumbled down to the cellar while twisting off the cap and throwing it behind
me. I sat down on the couch and stared at the table she was on just a few days earlier. I
got up and walked to it. I ran my fingers across the leather straps that had bonded her to
this room – to me. I fidgeted with the straps as I stared at the bloodstain near the middle
of the table.
“I failed,” I muttered. I rubbed my hand across the stain as my eyes began to
burn. “I miss her,” I whispered to myself. As I turned and made my way back towards
the old couch, my phone rang. I stood and stared at the phone, debating on answering it.
I waited for the machine to get it.
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From Aiden to Johnny
Nuny.”
Chelsea Povis
“Aiden, are you there? It’s mom. Please pick up if you’re there. It’s about
My dad died when I was 7. He was depressed for no apparent reason. He had a
trophy wife, the perfect son, and a great job that didn’t over stress him. He was an ad
executive who liked to bring his work home with him, just so he could spend time with us
and let me help him with things.
I was in Mr. Pastin’s first grade classroom, making a puppet out of a paperbag,
when the nurse came in. She whispered something to Mr. Pastin, and asked me to go
with her. I grabbed my backpack and the puppet, which I had named George.
“Hey Nurse, did you know that people are actually animals? See people are
mammals, because we have hair, and mammals are animals. So that means that me and
my dog Muggs are brothers! Isn’t that cool?” Nurse didn’t say anything; she just looked
down at me and smiled.
When we walked into Nurse’s office, I was surprised to see my mom waiting for
me. She didn’t have any makeup on, which was out of the ordinary for my mom. The
only time she didn’t wear makeup was when she slept.
“Hi mom! Hey look what I made for Dad. It’s a puppet and his name is George.
He works at the zoo, so he can help Dad when he needs to talk about animals at work.” I
was jumpy and excited to see her, until she put her hands on my shoulders and began to
cry.
“I’m sorry, mom. I’ll make you one, too, if you want.”
“No, sweetie, it’s ok. Here, why don’t you sit down.” She took her purse off the
chair next to her and I sat down, as nurse brought her a tissue. I just stared at her. I
didn’t know what was going on, or what I should do, so I just hugged her.
“What is it, momma?” She shook her head and looked at me.
“It’s daddy. He’s… he’s gone sweetie.”
“Where did he go? On a business trip?”
“No, dear. He’s in heaven.” I sat there, scratching my head and thinking. I
looked up at her.
“With John Lennon?” She smiled a little through her tears. She rubbed my back.
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“Yes, Aiden. With John Lennon.” Now I knew what it meant. I remember not
crying, just being angry. I didn’t even know why he died, I was just mad that he was
gone. My mom wouldn’t tell me how he died, but I eventually found out he killed
himself. My mom said she came home from the bank, and was surprised to see his car in
the garage. She searched the whole house looking for him, then made her way to the
basement.
All around him were photo albums. Pictures of me playing Tee-Ball, us at the
beach, even his and mom’s high school photos, side by side. They were spread out in a
half-circle across the floor, his body hanging in front of them. It was almost poetic the
way he died; he was looking at his family, his life. His life literally flashed in front of his
eyes before he died.
After my dad died my mom and I moved in with my grandma. I lived in that
house until I was 20 years old. My grandma and I were closer than my mother and I had
ever been. My mom was eventually put on anti-depressants and she began drinking
heavily. On my 15th birthday my mom was drunk and drove her car off the road. She
wrapped that tiny little Saturn around a telephone pole. By the grace of god – or whoever
– she was totally unharmed, just a little stunned. She hasn’t touched alcohol since that
night.
My grandma’s name was Nina, but when I was little I couldn’t pronounce it
correctly, so I called her ‘Nuny’.
I ran to the phone and answered it.
“What happened?” I suddenly broke into a cold sweat.
“She had a heart attack this morning and the paramedics couldn’t revive her.” I
couldn’t move. Suddenly this room was the last place I wanted to be.
“Sweetie, are you there? Aiden, please answer me,” she sobbed.
“Mom, I have to go.” I hung up the phone and stared at it. I threw my bottle of
whiskey and stared as the liquid peace ran down the wall.
I sat on the couch and buried my head in my hands. This was the icing on the
cake, and I don’t even like cake. I cried for an hour. All I could think about was my 10th
birthday.
My grandmother had gotten me a stuffed cat named Felix. She said she named
him Felix because when she was little she had a cat that looked just like him. He was
black with white paws and white around his eyes. I still have that cat. He was sitting on
the couch next to me, in fact. I picked him up and squeezed him.
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It had been almost a week since I had been to work. I strolled into the office with
messy hair, stubble, and an un-tucked shirt with no tie. Felix dangled by his paw in my
right hand.
“Uh, morning, Aiden,” Lucy mumbled with a look of concern. Why did I even
come here?
I walked past cubicle after cubicle as I neared Janeane. Suddenly I remembered
why I came. I walked up to her cubicle and just stood there, looking at her. She glanced
up from her computer, then did a double take and stopped typing. She looked me up and
down, eyes full of concern. She eyed Felix strangely before coming back up to my eyes.
I missed her more than ever right now, and she was just two feet in front of me.
“Hi Aiden,” she said as she looked around the office. She didn’t even attempt to
look at me one last time before going back to her typing. I stared down at Felix for a
moment, then headed for my desk. As soon as I sat down, I wanted to get up again. I
assumed Janeane hadn’t told anyone what had happened. The police would’ve been all
over me. What I didn’t know was why. Why didn’t she talk? At about ten o’clock, she
walked up to my cubicle.
“I’m going on a smoke break, do you wanna come?” I couldn’t look at her; I was
too confused. I stared at the heels of her feet. I put my hand on Felix.
“Yeah,” I said, looking up at her. I grabbed Felix and began walking towards the
back of the building. As we walked, Janeane grabbed my hand and squeezed her fingers
between mine. I stared down at our hands just before looking up at her. I saw a look in
her eyes that I had seen before. Suddenly I didn’t know what to do.
As soon as we got outside and the door closed, I let go of her hand and stepped
back. There was that look of rejection, again.
“Did I miss something? What’s going on with you, Janeane?” As I was saying
this, she casually lit her cigarette. She held her lighter out towards me. I stared at her
hand, remembering how soft her skin was. I reached for the lighter and quickly lit my
cigarette. She didn’t say anything, just watched me and took drags every now and again.
About halfway through the cigarette, I spoke.
“I miss you,” I said, staring at the ground. Why did I say that? Keeping my head
down, my eyes made their way to hers. She was almost smiling. I looked back down at
the ground. She took a long drag off her cigarette and slowly stepped up to me. I looked
up at her. She blew the smoke in my face and began to unbuckle my belt, all the while
staring in my eyes. I put my hands on hers and stopped her.
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“What are you doing? Janeane, I may be a bit fucked up right now, but I’m not
about to fuck you right outside the door.”
“Then let’s go back to your house. You can tie me up again.” I looked down at
Felix. This girl was fucking with me. I pulled Felix up to my chest and held him tight,
staring at the ground.
“I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, but you should stop before
something bad happens.” I was still staring at the ground. She took a step back. I stared
at her shoes.
“This isn’t a game, Aiden. I want to be with you,” she said. Her hand brushed
my arm and rested on top of my hands, still clutching Felix.
“Oh really?” I said, pushing her hands away. “Last week you were calling me a
‘fucking freak’ and leaving me alone to rot. I guess what you were saying was a foreign
language to me.” I looked up and met her eyes. She was about to cry.
I held Felix out to her. Confused, she took him and held him close to her heart as
I had done. I wrapped my arms around her. I never wanted to let go. She began to sob.
“I was just scared, Aiden. I thought you were going to kill me.” I began to stroke
her golden brown hair. “But when I realized you weren’t actually trying to hurt me, I
started to like it.” I froze. She ‘started to like it’?
“Aiden, you wouldn’t try to kill me, would you?” I pulled away and stared in her
eyes. Even when she cried, she was the most beautiful girl in the world. Suddenly I
wanted her. No – I needed her. I kissed her. I kissed her long and good. It was a really
good moment, until…
“Janeane get the fuck back to work! Aiden, in my office. You have a LOT of
explaining to do.” Janeane wiped her tears away as she handed Felix to me and walked
inside. She walks like she’s on the runway. “Aiden, move your ass!”
“I’m coming, Lucy.” I walked in front of Lucy the whole way to her office.
When I got inside, I sat on one of her hideously ugly leather chairs. She slammed the
door behind her. She sat on her desk in front of me and crossed her legs.
“Where’ve you been?” She began bouncing her foot. I focused on the little black
bow on the side of her high heel.
“Aiden, answer me.” I came out of my daze and looked at her.
“Why haven’t you been to work in the past few days?” I looked down at my
fidgeting hands and swallowed hard.
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“My grandma died.” It was harder to say than I had thought. My eyes began
burning.
“Wow, that’s…that’s really heart breaking. You know what else is?” I looked up
at her as a tear rolled down my cheek. I sniffed.
“I DON’T GIVE A SHIT!” she yelled.
“What I do care about is how you’re going to prove to me that you deserve to
keep your job.” She uncrossed her legs and slipped off a shoe. I looked down at my
knee as her foot rested on it. I looked to the picture of her husband and kids on her desk
as she ran her toes up my thigh. I felt so bad for them. I bet she was a good mom and
wife when she was with them; nothing like she is here. I was so deep in thought about
the lives she ruined daily that I almost didn’t realize her foot on top of my dick.
I quickly looked down, then ran my eyes up her leg to her eyes. She had that
smirk on her face again; the one she always has before inflicting pain on someone, be it
physical, emotional, or mental. I stood up and leaned in close to her. Our eyes were so
close, I could see straight into her hollow soul. Just as she leaned in to kiss me, I put my
fingers to her lips. I just stared at her.
“FUCK you, Lucy.” I sat back down in the chair, crossed my legs, and held my
hands together in front of me. I could feel a slight smile make its was across my face.
Felix was perched on the armrest next to me like an ally.
Lucy didn’t know what to do. She just stared at me in shock as I twiddled my
thumbs. I had a strong feeling that most of my fellow co-workers were nearing Lucy’s
door, listening for another battle cry. Lucy’s face became very serious.
“Get out,” she said as she stared at the floor. I stood up, smoothed my very
wrinkled, half un-buttoned shirt, and looked at Lucy. As soon as she looked up and met
my eyes, I stepped closer to her. I quickly held a firm grasp on her throat and lifted her
off the desk a bit. As she clawed at my arms – a pathetic attempt at freedom – I
maintained my strong hold. I leaned my face close to hers, which was starting to lose a
bit of color.
“Straighten your fucking life out. Be honest with your family, and for God’s
sake, stop treating your employees like slaves.” With that, I let go. As I turned and made
my way toward the door, she coughed furiously and rubbed her neck. I could hear
footsteps scurry away from the door as the handle turned in my hand. I flung open the
door and gave a revolutionary smile to the room of my colleagues. I turned in the
doorway.
“By the way, Lucy. You’re a fucking SLUT. Does your husband know what you
do all day? Because we all do, and you can bet your ass we could get the courts to take
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your kids away from you forever.” I could hear laughter, claps and cheers. I put my
hand up and waved with a huge grin.
“Bye, Lucy. And have a nice day.” I turned on my heel and proudly walked past
cubicle after cubicle receiving high-fives and pats on the back. Out of the corner of my
eye, I saw Janeane run to Lucy’s office. I proceeded to Janeane’s cubicle and sat in her
chair. I looked around at the pictures of her family and friends on her desk. Under a
notebook I could see the corner of a picture. I picked it up and gazed in awe at what I
saw.
Nighttime. Scraggly trees. Freshly cut grass. There were headstones
everywhere. There was the figure of a man crouched in front of a grave marked Marsha
Hildegaard. I recognized the dark brown messenger bag the man wore as my own.
“Oh my god,” I said as I stared at the photograph in amazement.
When I was 13, I stayed with my Uncle Jack a lot. My mother thought I needed a
father figure, and he was really close with my dad – they were brothers. Whenever I
would get sad, I’d grab Felix and hide. Uncle Jack said I needed to ‘be a man’. He said
teenage boys didn’t need stuffed animals; ‘stuffed animals are for little girls’.
One night I woke up to bright flashes. When I could finally see what was
happening, I noticed my clothes were gone. Jack was taking pictures of me sleeping.
When I had reached full consciousness again, I curled up in the corner of the room with
Felix. Jack didn’t like that.
Jack dragged me by my foot to the center of the room. He ripped Felix from my
hands and tossed him to the side. When I reached out for him, Jack slapped me in the
face. I hit the floor hard and stayed there. I didn’t know what was coming, and I didn’t
want to, so I went somewhere else in my head.
To this day, I’m not positive on the events of that night. I eventually blacked out
and when I awoke the next morning, I was in bed, Felix in my arms, body full of bruises.
I never saw Jack after that. My grandma never let him come around after she discovered
my bruises. He eventually moved somewhere out of state, and we never heard from him
again. I always imagined him getting raped and killed by some big black guy named
‘Little John’ in a dark alley.
Pleasant dreams I always had.
Midnight in the graveyard. I was taking pictures of a gravesite. It was new.
There were fresh Roses and Tulips on top of the dirt. I ran my fingers across the
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indentations on the headstone. Loving Son. Yeah, he was. A salty tear fell from my
chin. I stood and stared at the grave once more before leaving. As much as it hurt, it felt
better.
I slid the photo under a book as I sat stunned. I didn’t know what to do. When
we met in the graveyard that night, was it an accident? Did she know I would be there?
How many times had she followed me? My thoughts were interrupted when I saw
Janeane walking up to me. She stood in front of me, holding something behind her back.
“What is that?” To be honest, I was a bit scared of what she might be hiding.
Recent discoveries about her deemed her unpredictable and made me a bit frightened, to
say the least. My fingers curled tightly around the armrest of the chair.
“I couldn’t let you leave this behind.” She held out her hand and revealed Felix,
dangling in her grasp. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. I took Felix and played with his
ears. I was searching for the words to say, but they never came.
“Do you wanna get out of here?” she asked. I thought for a moment, then looked
up at her.
“What about work? Don’t you have shit to do?”
“I just quit. That cunt has put me through too much that I don’t deserve. She can
ruin someone else’s life. I’m fucking done.” I smiled at Janeane, while turning back and
forth in her chair. I felt like a kid. We were like Hansel and Gretel, and we had just
escaped the evil witch. I wanted to hold her hand and run through the forest. But this
isn’t that type of story.
“Let’s get out of here, killer.”
“Oh, I love it when you talk dirty.”
She walked in front of me, my hands on her hips, as we neared the cellar door.
She opened the door and stopped.
“Are you okay? I asked, resting my chin on her shoulder. She stared towards the
bottom of the stairs and mumbled an unconvincing ‘yes’. She stared down the stairs,
while I stayed at the top and watched her. Halfway down, she stopped.
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“We don’t have to be here – we can go somewhere else. Do you want to go
somewhere else?” She stood there, staring out into the room. She suddenly thrust her
hand out and reached for the rail. I didn’t move; I couldn’t.
“Oh my god,” she mumbled as she leaned against the wall. I wanted to go to her,
but something in me held me back. Should I go to her – hold her hand? Why am I so
bad at this?
“Ja-Janeane? Do you want to leave? I’m sorry, I should’ve cleared up or
something. I guess I could’ve at least taken the pictures down. Are… are you gonna be
okay?” I had been walking down the steps very slowly and was now on the step just
above where she sat. She rested her head on the wall.
“How long have you been following me, Janeane?” This was the first she’d heard
of my knowledge of her following me. She turned her head and looked up at me, unsure
of what to say. She gave me a half-smile.
“Long enough to know when you started following me.” Her hazel eyes beamed
at me, and the specs of gold flickered in the dim light of the cellar. She was happy – I
was happy. We were happy – together. She stood up and took my hands in hers. For a
good long minute she stared at our intertwined fingers, deep in thought.
“This feels right. This is right.” She wrapped her arms around my waist and
rested her head on my chest. I held her close and stroked her hair. Our chests rose and
fell in sync with each other’s breaths.
“I want to be with you, Aiden. Forever.” I closed my eyes. I could feel my eyes
start to burn, and a tear fell down my cheek as I opened my eyes. Life was perfect.
For a while.
I could hear a voice, but it was faint. She was talking with someone. Why
couldn’t I see? Why was my head pounding?
“What the fuck? WHERE AM I!” I screamed. I had just jumped back to
consciousness and everything was black. The voices were getting closer. I could hear a
man and a woman. A man and Janeane, to be exact. A door near me flew open.
“Get the fuck in there,” I heard the man command. I heard Janeane stumble into
the room.
“Janeane?” I called out, hoping for something, anything. I could hear her crying.
The blindfold was torn from my eyes. It took a while for my eyes to adjust, but when
they did, I wanted the blindfold again. Janeane’s hands were tied together in front of her
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with rope. She had no shoes on, and her feet looked like she had dragged them through
broken glass. I wanted to reach out and touch her bruised body, to hold her, but I was
confined to my chair. This was some strong duct tape. Her hair was a mess and she
looked as though she would collapse ant any minute. What was going on?
The man standing next to Janeane was named Mike. We’d worked with Mike for
years. He was a tall man with broad shoulders and arms that he was very proud to show
off. He liked to talk about all the girls he fucked in high school and being QB of the
football team. He had fucked half the girls on our floor, and had been after Janeane for
almost a year now. But Janeane knew the truth. Mr. First-String was also Mr. NeverHad-A-Growth-Spurt-Down-There. Yes, sad.
“Mike what the fuck are you doing?” I asked quite nonchalantly. I could see his
eyes glisten with not-so-distant tears. He wouldn’t do anything, he couldn’t. He had too
much heart.
“What’s going on with you two? You both disappear for almost a week, then
when you get back, you act as if nothing happened. Suddenly you two are happy as
clams and you’re fucking June and Ward Cleaver.” At this, I tried to speak up, but he
continued.
“You’re a fucking messy piece of shit and you just up and decide it’s the perfect
moment to fuck with Lucy’s head and quit on us? You don’t make any sense.”
“Oh stop defending Lucy just because she’s your fuck buddy. It’s disgusting.”
“Shut up, shut the fuck up!” He pulled out a pistol and pointed it between my
eyes. He didn’t say anything, just held the gun and breathed deeply. He didn’t know
what to do or say next. I stared down the barrel and gave Mike a half-smile. I slowly
scooted the chair I was bound to closer to him so the gun was resting on the bridge of my
nose. Mike’s anger slowly turned to fear, as if he thought I were going to shoot him.
“Mike, let us go,” Janeane pleaded between sobs. He turned around and threw
her to the floor.
“Shut the fuck up, bitch. You’re just fucking mad because I’m with Lucy and
you’re stuck with this skinny ass piece of shit.” He looked back at me as if he had done
or said something funny. He looked at Janeane, still laying face down on the floor
crying. He then slowly looked back at me and licked his lips. I knew what he was
thinking. His brain was wired just like Lucy’s; “I’ll let you go if we fuck”. Ugh. He
wasn’t even a relatively attractive guy, and was shit for intelligent conversation. He
cocked his gun and put it to the back of Janeane’s head.
“Don’t you fucking move,” he said. He turned back to me and just stared. I
raised my eyebrows in consent and he leaned in close to me. Our noses touched; we were
just short of kissing. He stopped and closed his eyes.
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“Don’t be scared,” I whispered. With that, he pressed his lips to mine and his
whole body seemed to relax completely. He pulled away and looked at the floor,
unaware of what to do next. I laughed a little.
“I knew it. No one could fuck Lucy that much and actually enjoy it. You might
as well wear a purple shirt and fly the Gay Pride flag.” He continued to stare at the floor,
anger intensifying.
“Oh, I understand now. You never were jealous of me. You were jealous of
Janeane.” Mike looked at me, knowing he was exposed.
“You wanted me this whole time. You obsessed over Janeane because I obsessed
over her. You fucked Lucy because I fucked her.” Janeane had sat up and moved to the
corner of the room. She was still crying, but it seemed now for show; for fear of being
hurt.
“And when we were smashed at the New Year’s Eve party last year, I could tell
there was more in your drunken midnight kiss you gave me.” Mike stared at me,
searching for the words to say. Was that a tear in his eye?
“It’s ok, Mike. Don’t be afraid.” Mike turned towards Janeane. As he neared
her, she backed up a little. He kneeled down and stared into her eyes, as he untied the
rope around her raw wrists. He then stood up and held his hand out to her. She looked at
me, then put her hand in his and stood up. He put his arms around her, to her surprise,
and whispered “I’m sorry”. As he held her, Janeane talked to me with her eyes. We had
a plan.
Mike turned away and walked towards me. As he cut the tape off of me, he was
still crying a little. I stood and stared him down. He seemed surprised, but eager. I
raised my hand and brushed the hair from his eyes. I let my hand drift down his chest
and rest at his hip. I grabbed him by his belt and kissed him. At first, he didn’t know
how to react. After a few seconds he gave in to me and kissed back. I have to hand it to
the guy, he’s a very good kisser. That doesn’t change what has to be done.
As our tongues made friends, Janeane stepped up behind him and kissed his neck.
The key to winning this game is to make the opponent lose complete control of himself.
Then you can take the fucker out.
I opened my eyes and looked to Janeane. She understood. As I pulled up his
shirt, she took off his belt. He seemed to like the idea of that, and he kissed me again.
As he did so, I put my hands on his biceps and held them tight against his body. Janeane
quickly slipped the belt around his neck and squeezed. I maintained my firm grip on his
arms as he began to turn blue in the face. When I could finally feel him start to go limp, I
held his body in my arms and gradually brought him to the floor. His fingers left bruises
on my arms for weeks, the little prick.
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As the life finally drained from his body, I smiled at Janeane. We were both filled
with the relief of our success and the joy of working together. Never mind the guilt of
committing a murder; he wasn’t important or anything.
Hell of a way to die, though. If you’re ever about to suck my dick, please don’t
kill me. That’s a man at his most vulnerable moment, and it’s very depressing to even
think about.
“So,” Janeane said, looking from Mike’s lifeless corpse to me.
“We should do this more often.” She smiled at me and bit her lip.
“Murder – fun for a Saturday night!” We had a laugh, and stared at his body. His
head sat in my lap and I ran my fingers through his jet-black waves. Janeane just sat
there, admiring my ways. She liked the way I was handling the situation. I just didn’t
give a shit.
“Now what do we do? I mean – with the body?”
I just smiled.
The front door flew open and I threw my keys on the table next to the sofa.
Janeane and I sat on the couch and stared into space silently, our mouths in the widest
grins known to man. We were on top of the world.
“I feel… satisfied,” Janeane said after about five minutes. I stared at her, my
brain secreting an abnormal amount of lust.
“That was so exciting. God, the way you just dragged that fucker’s body up to the
water. I thought those gators were going to get us.” She was ecstatic, as was I. She was
like a six-year-old who’d just returned form her first trip to the zoo. I pulled her in close
and kissed the top of her head. She wrapped her arms around me and continued talking.
“You don’t think we’ll get caught, do you? I mean, you saw the way those gators
went after him. He’ll be gone by tomorrow, won’t he?”
“Of course he will, darling. He’s probably finished now.” She curled up in my
lap and placed her soft hands on my neck. She was like my child, and I loved her
intensely. She picked up Felix and scratched behind his ears.
“I love you, Aiden. We’re going to rule the world, you and I. I know it.”
“True story,” I said.
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“Oh, and Felix, as well.” She kissed me, then rested her head on my shoulder.
Lucky for me, Mike wasn’t too much bigger than I. I looked just like him when I
walked into his bank. The cameras would never know the difference. I emptied his
account. Mike apparently had a trust fund he’d never touched. And the day we killed
him, we used his credit card to buy a plane ticket and rent a hotel room in Tijuana. There
would be no missing person’s ad for quite a while.
Of course, depositing all that money to my account would have been way too
suspicious, so I did a little at a time. There was cash scattered throughout the house. We
could’ve wiped our asses with twenties if we wanted to.
When I came home, Janeane was still asleep. I quietly set up the living room, so
as not to wake her. Before I woke her, I pulled my camera out of my bag and took a
picture. It was beautiful. The room was covered in Daisies – her favorite flower. I had
her favorite food – cheesecake with strawberries – on the table. I set up the stereo to play
Wonderwall by Oasis when she came into the room; it’s her favorite song. I headed
upstairs.
She’s so beautiful when she sleeps. I almost didn’t want to wake her, as she
looked so peaceful and happy. I sat on the bed next to her and leaned in close. I brushed
my fingers through her hair and kissed her cheek. Felix was curled up in her arms.
“Baby, wake up,” I whispered to her.
“I have a surprise for you.” Her eyes slowly opened and squinted at me. She put
her hand to my cheek and rubbed my scruff. She likes my scruff.
“What is it?” she yawned. She sat up and pulled her hair into a messy ponytail.
“Well, you have to come downstairs to find out.” I took her hand in mine and we
headed for the hallway. As we neared the steps, I covered her eyes. She put her hands
over mine.
“Aiden, what are you doing?” she asked with a smile.
“Just keep ‘em closed, Janie. We’re almost there.” As soon as we hit the last
step, I turned the stereo on. The beautiful voice of Liam Gallagher soared through the air
as she opened her eyes.
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“Oh my god,” she whispered. I brought her into the room and sat her down on the
couch. I kneeled in front of her and took her hand in mine.
“I love you, Janie.” I knew what she was thinking, but she was wrong. I looked
down at the ground, then back up to her eyes. The light in them dimmed.
“Janie, I need to know – how much do you love me?” Her brow furrowed a bit
and her smile disappeared.
“What are you talking about, Aiden? I mean for fuck’s sake, I helped you cover
up a murder! A murder I helped to commit! That doesn’t prove my love to you?” I
shook my head as I stared at the ground again. Tears filled my eyes as I looked back up
to her.
“We’ve got a problem, Janie. A big problem.”
“What do you mean? What kind of problem, Aiden?” She let go of my hands
and braced herself against the couch.
“Lucy knows. Somehow – she just knows. When I was out this morning, I ran
into her. She asked me if I had seen him lately and I said no. Janie, you should’ve seen
the look she gave me.” Janeane stood up and began pacing.
“Oh my god, Aiden! She’s gonna go to the cops, isn’t she? We’re gonna go to
jail. They’re gonna put us on death row. I don’t want to be on death row, Aiden!” I
grabbed her arms and stopped her.
“Janie! Janie, get a hold of yourself!” I held her arms down tight and she finally
stopped moving. She stared at me, her eyes full of fear.
“Janie it’s gonna be okay. I’ve got a plan. We’re gonna make it through this.
But I need to know that you trust me. That you trust me - and love me.” I stared straight
into her eyes, mine starting to burn again. She closed her eyes and put her head down.
“Is it going to work?” she asked quietly, eyes still closed. She looked up at me.
“Is this plan going to work, Aiden?” I took a deep breath and nodded.
“It’s perfect,” I said.
“Let’s do it,” Janeane muttered, her fear turning to anger.
The letter Janeane wrote was fool proof. It matched Lucy’s hand writing exactly.
I read it aloud as I came down the steps, zipping up my jacket.
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From Aiden to Johnny
Chelsea Povis
“’Mike gives me all the possibilities you never could.’ Oh, Lucy’s husband is
gonna cry for days over this. It’s perfect, Janie.” She smiled at me while slipping on
black leather gloves. Again with that damn leather.
“Damn, baby. You look good. You know how leather turns me on.” She grazed
my cheek with her gloved hand.
“I know. Why else would I wear these gloves?” She kissed me. When I pulled
away, I stared at her with determination.
“Let’s go get us some bodies.”
As we pulled up to the mausoleum, I turned my lights off. There was no one
around, seeing as the graveyard was in the middle of nowhere, but I didn’t wan to take
any chances. Felix lay in Janeane’s lap. After all, we were in this together. The
caretaker, Chad, was sitting outside waiting for us. Janie and I walked up to him, cash in
my pocket.
“You got it?” Chad asked, glancing around.
“Yeah,” I said, handing it to him.
“Let’s go,” he said. He opened the mausoleum doors and we crept in. I don’t
know why we were being so quiet. But I guess even the dead need their sleep, as well.
Chad walked to a crypt with a familiar name on it.
“Thomas Hildegaard. He was put in here yesterday, so he’s still pretty fresh.”
His hand rested on the handle, and he slid out the casket. Thomas was a bit shorter than I
was, but about the same girth. None of that mattered; he was the perfect – and only –
candidate to play me in a fatal car accident.
“This is going to work, right?” Thomas’ body plopped into the dentist’s chair. I
stared at his mouth for a minute, then glanced up to Janeane.
“I mean, it’s gotta work. It’s our only chance at being free, Janie. Are you sure
you remember how to do this?” Janeane nodded. As I searched the other rooms for a
metal bowl to hold acid – burn off the fingerprints – Janie went to work on Tom’s teeth.
She shaved down, built up and added fillings so Tom’s bite mirrored mine.
“Oh, you’re sexy when you’re pulling teeth,” I said. She batted her eyes at me
and held up a drill.
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Chelsea Povis
“Is he ready for his close up?” I asked. She gave me a thumbs up and removed
her goggles.
He was a heavy bastard, but we didn’t have too much trouble getting him into the
car. He fit quite nicely with Lucy sitting in the passenger seat next to him, bruises from
my hands around her throat.
“Let’s go kill ourselves,” I said with a smile. We turned the car on and put it in
drive. It was harder to push the car than we had thought, and it took a while to get up to
speed. But oh, you should’ve seen the way it soared off that cliff. It was a dangerous
curve, anyway, and accidents happen all the time. I held Janeane as we watched the car
hit the bottom and explode.
“We’re gonna be okay, Janie. Everything’s perfect.” She lifted her head and
looked at me.
“I love you, Aiden. Let’s run away.”
“Ten steps ahead of you, doll.”
“Hey, Delilah, come see the fish I caught for us!” Janeane walked out the open
front door, Liam in her arms. She was wearing a black sundress with Daisies on it.
“You get better at this stuff everyday,” she said. I took off my gloves and ran
towards them. I held my hands out. Liam clutched Felix as Janie passed him my way.
“Give me my baby boy. You’re getting so big, Liam.” Janeane slipped off her
dress revealing a tan bathing suit and scars of love wounds.
“I’m gonna go for a swim. Can you take him for a bit?” She picked up a towel
off the back of a rocking chair. She stepped down off the porch and slowly walked
through the sand towards me.
“Sure thing, darling,” I said as I leaned in to kiss her. I slid my hand across her
stomach, just past the rose tattoo near her belly button. As she pulled away, she looked
down at my hand. I grazed her scar lovingly, remembering every detail of the past two
years. I thought of the future – our future.
“I love you, Janie.” She quickly looked up to me, a little shocked that I had used
her real name. I hadn’t called her that since we first arrived in Hawaii. She looked
down, unsure of what to say.
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“I love you too, Johnny.” The smile on my face dimmed a bit, but I knew she was
just scared. Fear of being caught has given us these names. We are now the Rifton
family. Janeane, Liam, Felix, and I. We came into money from my grandfather’s
inheritance, though we were both hard-working people. We live in a quaint little cottage
on the beach.
I love it here. Here there are no Lucys, no Mikes, and no problems. There are
drifters who like to have a chat and barter with you. There are the locals who like to surf
and will tell you anything you want to know about the island. And then there’s us.
Stalkers, murderers, office workers. And Liam, our little boy. Fuck, he’s nearly a year
and a half. He’s beautiful - Janie’s eyes and my smile. He’s going to be a genius.
So I guess this is where I leave you, dear reader. I leave you with the knowledge
that we aren’t dead. We’re more alive than you could ever imagine in your wildest
dreams. So stay in your one-bedroom apartments. Keep slaving away in your cubicle at
the job you hate towards a future that, deep down, you know you will never own.
But Janie and me – well, Delilah and Johnny – will be free. They’ll be truly
happy. So I say to you, reader, goodnight and goodluck.
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